Download 9-2 - Yesenia King

THE CHALLENGE OF
COMMUNICATION
Ch. 9
9-2
The Nature of Communication
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Verbal Communication
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Nonverbal Communication
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Kinds of Nonverbal Communication
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Functions of Nonverbal Behavior
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Interpreting Nonverbal Behavior
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Intended and Unintended
Communication of Feelings
Source: Data from L. Gaelick, G.V. Bodenhausen, and R.S. Wyer, Jr., Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 49:1248, 1985.
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Styles of Poor Listening
• The Faker — Only pretends to be listening
• The Dependent Listener — Only wants to please the speaker
• The Interrupter — Never allows the other to finish
• The Self-conscious Listener — Concerned primarily with own
status in the eyes of the other rather than with the ideas and
feelings of the other
• The Intellectual Listener — Attends only to the words of the
other
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Improving Listening Skills
• Take the initiative in communication
• Resist distractions
• Control your emotions and tendency to respond
before your partner is finished
• Ask questions and rephrase to clarify your
partner’s meaning
• Make use of the speed of your thoughts by
summarizing
• Practice
Characteristics of Cohesive Families
• Family Cohesion: togetherness, the emotional bonding
that couples and family members have toward one
another
• A family can have too much cohesion (an enmeshed
family) or too little (a disengaged or disconnected family).
• Experts advise a balanced level of cohesion—one that
combines a reasonable and mutually satisfying degree of
emotional bonding with individual family members’ need
for autonomy.
Six Qualities of Family Cohesion
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5.
6.
Communicate appreciation for one another.
Arrange personal schedules so they can do
things together.
Have a high degree of commitment to
promoting one another's happiness and
welfare.
Have some spiritual orientation.
Are able to deal with crises.
Have positive communication patterns.
Children, Family Cohesion, and
Unresolved Conflict
• Regardless of family structure, a family
characterized by warmth, cohesion, and generally
supportive communication is better for children.
• A home characterized by significant, unresolved,
and ongoing conflict negatively impacts children.
Communication and Couple Satisfaction
• Couples demonstrate different relationship
ideologies—expectations for closeness and/or
distance as well as ideas about how partners
should play their roles.
• Couples also differ in their attitudes toward
conflict.
• What matters is whether the partners’ actual
interaction matches their ideology.
Conflict in Relationships
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Passive-Aggression: Expressing anger
indirectly
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Sabotage: Getting revenge or “payback”
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Displacement: A person directs anger at
people or things that the other cherishes
Positive Results of Good Listening
1. Listening shows love, concern, and respect.
2. Avoiding interruptions prevents sending
messages like, “You’re not worth listening to.”
3. You discover how things look from your
partner’s point of view.
4. Your partner takes over as the final authority on
his or her own feelings.
5. You set an example for your partner to follow in
listening to your feelings.
As We Make Choices: Ten Rules for
Successful Relationships
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Express love verbally.
Be physically affectionate.
Express appreciation and admiration.
Share more about yourself with your partner than with any other
person.
Offer each other emotional support.
Express your love materially.
Accept partner’s demands and put up with partner’s
shortcomings.
Make time to be alone together.
Do not take the relationship for granted.
Do unto each other as you would have the other do unto you.
As We Make Choices: Ten Rules for Successful
Relationships
•
Often, we read a list like the previous one and think
about whether our partner or other family members
are doing them, not whether we ourselves are.
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How many of the items on the list do you yourself
do?
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Which two or three items might you begin to
incorporate into a relationship?
Conflict and Love
• All couples experience conflict.
• How conflicts are addressed and resolved depends on
how secure mates feel in their relationship.
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Research identified predictors of divorce:
1.
Contempt
2.
Criticism
3.
Defensiveness
4.
Stonewalling
1.
Belligerence
Tactics Used in Stonewalling
1.Leaving the house or the scene when the fight threatens.
2.Turning sullen and refusing to argue or talk.
3.Derailing arguments, e.g. “I can’t take it when you yell
at me.”
4.Stating “I can’t take you seriously when you act this
way.”
5.Using the hit and run tactic of filing a complaint and
leaving no time for a resolution.
6.Saying “okay, you win” without meaning it.
Working Through Conflicts in Positive Ways—Ten
Guidelines
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Express anger directly and with kindness.
Check out your interpretation of other’s behaviors.
To avoid attacks, use “I” statements.
Avoid mixed or double messages.
When you can, choose the time and place carefully.
Address a specific issue, ask for a specific change, and be open
to compromise.
Be willing to change yourself.
Don’t try to win an argument.
Be willing to forgive.
End the argument.
Changing Fighting Habits
• The key to staying happily
together is not avoiding
conflict but dealing with it
openly and in supportive
ways.
• Doing so involves
listening.
• The goal isn’t necessarily
agreement, but
acknowledgment, insight,
and understanding.
Toward Better Couple and Family
Communication
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Keeping a loving relationship or creating a
cohesive family is not automatic.
Doing so requires working on ourselves as
well as on our relationships.
First step: consciously recognizing how
important the relationship is.
Second step: setting realistic expectations
about the relationship.
Toward Better Couple and Family
Communication
Improving our own:
1)
emotional intelligence – awareness of what we’re
feeling so that we can express our feelings more
authentically
2)
ability and willingness to repair our moods
3)
healthy balance between controlling rash impulses and
being candid and spontaneous
4)
sensitivity to the feelings and needs of others