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Saint Louis University:
How to be an Active Bystander
Scenarios
Break out-Scenarios
 Break into small groups and each group has a different
scenario- 15 min for scenario role-play and then 15 min
to debrief
Scenario 1-Plagerism
 You are in a group of 5 students writing a paper for
your Sociology 101 class. The other 4 members want to
cut and paste everything from the internet because
they don’t think the professor uses Turnitin. You feel
pressured to go along with the group, but you know
that regardless of whether the professor checks,
copying the content directly and alleging it is your own
is not right. What do you do?
Direct ways to not be a bystander
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Talk to the person about why the behavior is happening
Know appropriate resources/support
Remind them of the consequences
Discuss Value Based Decisions- is it worth it?
Talk to professor about prevalence of cheating- be a part of
the systems change
 Encourage them to do the following:
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Understand what plagiarism is
Plan properly
Talk to professor
Know the material-take good notes
When in doubt- CITE IT!
Indirect Response
 Talk to academic advisor, professor or TA
Scenario 2-Alcohol
 A student organization you belong to is having a party.
Two new freshmen have confided in you that they don’t
drink and aren’t huge “partiers” but since they want to
meet more people in the organization they are going to go.
 You are there and everyone seems to be having a good time
until one of the seniors suggests a drinking game. People
start to gather around a table as one of them begins to
explain the rules for the drinking game. The freshmen who
had confided in you initially decline but others start
hassling them. You can see they’re uncomfortable. They
look at you. What do you do?
Response
 Talk to the person/s about why the behavior is
happening
 Know appropriate resources/support
 Remind them of the consequences
 Discuss Value Based Decisions- is it worth it?
Action Steps
 Plan ahead- set a drinking limit BEFORE going out
 Encourage them to stop drinking when they have had
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enough
Remove from the situation
Get them to alternate between non-alcoholic and alcoholic
drinks
Get them to sip rather than gulp
Have them consume food while drinking
Tell them NOT to drink while on meds
Tell them to avoid taking aspirin if they have been drinking
(DO NOT take Tylenol or other Acetaminophen
medication for a hangover, liver damage may result!)
Never discuss problematic behavior when the person is
under the influence
Scenario 3-Depression/Suicide
 A classmate of yours appears very down lately. You
know them but are not particularly close. This person
has become withdrawn and is not as active in class or
outside group activities as before. Yesterday you heard
them say “I have to pass this midterm tomorrow or I’m
dead.” You are alarmed. What do you do?
Considerations
 “Do not show weakness” or “tough it out” mentality
 Depression sometimes follows:
 Significant events (death, divorce, abuse, transitions,
break-ups, etc)
 Stress/Pressure (academic, personal, financial)
 Injury (short or long term)
 Identity as a person (too much of own identity is tied up
in a certain group)
 Failure to live up to personal/external expectations
 Problems with group members/roommates
 Substance abuse
Things to look for
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Emotional, cognitive and behavioral changes
Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
Changes in sleeping/eating habits
No longer enjoying things once liked
Feeling rejected or misunderstood
Frequent health complaints
Obsessive thoughts (all or nothing)
Marked decrease in performance academically or
athletically
 Self-harm
 Giving away possessions- possible suicidal thinking
 Lack of coping skills (exercise, talking to friends, reading,
watching movies, etc)
Action Steps
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Listen!
Take it seriously
Speak with individual in private-voice your concern
DO what you can to give the person HOPE
Encourage the person to get help! (offer to go to counseling
office with him/her)
 Seek out a mature and compassionate person with whom
you can review the situation
 USE QPR- Question (about whether the individual plans to
harm themselves) Persuade (not to harm themselves) and
Refer (to a professional)
 If suicidal call 911 and call 314-977-2323 and ask for on-call
counselor (if on campus call 911 or take to nearest ER)
Scenario 4- Discrimination
 You are hanging out at Riley’s house watching TV with
two of Riley’s roommates that you don’t know very
well. AT the end of a commercial one of Riley’s
roommates says “That was so gay.” He /she gets up and
goes into the kitchen. What do you do?
Considerations
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Identify the bias (prejudice, stereotype, discrimination or both?)
Form a goal based on the source of the bias
Determine the safest most effective way to address the bias
Chose a strategy to intervene
 Be respectful of all individuals and their viewpoints
 Listen to what individuals’ lives are like and experiences they have had
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in the world
Accept that you are responsible for any of your own negative reactions
Don’t’ rush the process of trying to understand person's experiences or
identity
Don’t criticize people for being different
Don’t force yore values on others
Develop trust and openness and allow people to be who they are
without pressure or judgment
Action Steps
 Be ready- you know at some point you will hear or see something that is
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inappropriate or discriminatory. Think of yourself as the one to
intervene. Prepare yourself or it and know what you will say “Why do
you say that? DO you really mean what you just said?”
Identify the behavior- Point out someone’s behavior to help them hear
what they are really saying “So what I hear you saying is that all
students don’t care about academics?”
Appeal to principles- call on a person’s higher principles “I’ve always
thought you were fair-minded. It shocks me to hear you say something
so biased.”
Set limits and draw a line- you can’t control others but you can make
others aware of what you will not tolerate. “Don’t tell racist jokes or use
that language in my presence anymore. If you do, I will leave.” Follow
through!
Find an all/be an ally- seek out like-minded people and build strength
in numbers!
Scenario 5- Disordered Eating
 A friend of yours appears to have lost quite a bit of
weight lately. You notice that her eating habits are
becoming more and more unusual. She is skipping
meals and altering foods when she does eat- (i.e.
pulling cheese off pizza). When approached, she is
defensive, denying that anything is wrong. This has
negatively impacted not only her performance but also
your relationship with her. What do you do?
Considerations
 Disordered eating consists of a spectrum of unhealthy
eating from dietary restraint to clinical eating
disorders. All eating disorders are included in
disordered eating but not all disordered eating meets
criteria for an eating disorder.
Considerations continued
 Eating disorders often begin or worsen during transition
times (like starting college)
 Usually the longer a person has the disorder the more
purposes and functions it serves- it can become the
primary way of coping with life
 Personality traits like perfectionism, being obsessive,
approval seeking, low self-esteem, withdrawal, irritability
and all or nothing thinking
 Excessive focus on foods, food rituals, frequent trips to
bathroom, frequent weighing oneself, excessive exercise
regimen, fatigue, no menstrual cycle are ALL key indicators
of possible eating disorders
Action Steps
 Talk to your friend. Keep the discussion informal and
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confidential and focus on the concerns about your friends health
and your relationship (not on weight or appearance)
Encourage the individual to be a part of social functions and
reassure them that you will not pressure them to eat if they do
not want to
Let the individuals have as many options about food as possible
Listen- find out what other things are going on in their lives
Let them know that you will pass no judgments on them
Ask them what you can do to help make dealing with food easier
Be aware of how you talk about others bodies (No Fat Talk! “I
feel fat today”….what does that even mean?)
Scenario 6- Hazing
 You are on Facebook and see some of your group
members’ posts about upcoming “initiation” for this
year’s freshmen, as well as pictures from last year. You
know it’s actually hazing and you’re not comfortable
with what they are planning. It seems that they push
the limit a little more every year but they justify it by
saying it’s what makes the group close and that it’s
“tradition”. You want to say something but feel
intimidated and don’t want them to think less of you.
What do you do?
Considerations
 Team building/initiation type can be a good thing and
beneficial. They should be serious and challenging,
help the person find an identity in a group and give
them a sense of belonging…HOWEVER, these types of
activities are different than hazing in fundamental
ways.
 If they humiliate, embarrass, degrade or endanger
people…then you are falling into hazing!
Recent example: Hazing Deaths
 Felony charges handed out in FAMU hazing death
Action Steps
 Define up front what is acceptable and what is not
 Ensure the activity that is planned could not be considered, by
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definition, hazing
Don’t let others justify hazing as “tradition”
BREAK THE SILENCE and voice your opinion
Choose not to participate
Speak with the group members/leaders about your concerns
Talk to an administrator
Come up with new activities that promote group bonding
without any risk of it being considered hazing
Get those involved to stop and think about the people they are
hazing (perspective taking). Is there any chance hazing could
trigger something in terms of personal/emotional challenges
they have had to face in their life?
Scenario 7- Relationship
Abuse/Violence
 You and a friend live on the same wing in the dorms.
You walk by her room and hear her crying. In the past,
she has shared with you her boyfriend yells at her,
humiliates her, and always wants to know where she is
and who she’s with. She also says he won’t let her do
things she wants to do. What do you do?
Considerations
 It can be hard to identify (not just by physical signs- bruises, etc)
 Many people never consider themselves abusive or abused, so
they don’t recognize “warning signs” for abuse as having
anything to do with their relationship
 Talking and identifying what a healthy relationship looks like
helps in seeing the problems that may be in your own or your
group members’ relationship
 Types of abuse
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Physical
Verbal/emotional
Sexual
Stalking/cyber-stalking
Economic abuse/financial abuse
Spiritual abuse
Action Steps
 If someone you know is being cyber-stalked
 Save all messages and turn them in to authorities
 Block the user from your social networking page or from emailing
you
 If the threats are on the stalker’s webpage, save the entire screen
including the URL and print it
 Don’t confront the stalker
 Contact the social networking page
 Be careful when adding names to email lists, Facebook, etc
 Encourage any person in an abusive relationship to seek
professional help
 Think about your own safety when you approach the situation
 If the violence is physical, call 911
 Be aware of your tone of voice and stay calm
Scenario 8- Sexual Assault
 You are at a party. During the past hour you notice
your friend Chris has been talking to one of your
housemates Sam. They seem to be having a good time
but it is clear that Chris has had too much to drink. A
few minutes later you see Sam put an arm around
Chris and start to lead Chris upstairs. What do you do?
Considerations
 Sexual abuse- act in which an individual is forced to
engage in sexual activity by use of threats other fear
tactics, or instances in which an individual is physical
unable to decline.
 Aggravated sexual abuse- occur when an individual is
forced to submit to sexual acts by use of physical force;
threats of death, injury, kidnapping or substance that
render that individual unconscious or impaired
Action Steps
 Be aware of comments and behaviors from others that would indicate
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they were intent on having sexual intercourse even if the partner was
unwilling
Notice if someone is getting ready to have sexual intercourse with a
partner who is incapacitated
Don't pressure or encourage friends to drink or have sex as often or with
as many people as possible
Don’t joke about sexual assault; comments and jokes are meant to “ease
the tension” or are “just kidding around” can trivialize the severity of
the behavior
Know your level of comfort with conversations about sexual behavior.
IF you find groups or individuals who talk about sexual relationships
that are not in sync with how you feel, or the type of relationship you
want, don’t be afraid to state your position
Many perpetrators are unaware that what they have done is a crime.
Let them know that what they did was not right and against the law!
SLU Stats…you think it doesn’t
happen here or to me….
 Nearly 2% report taking advantage of someone
sexually, and 1% of SLU drinkers report doing so more
than once; both as a result of alcohol consumption. A
separate set of questions inquire about sexual assault,
not necessarily related to alcohol use. Of the 11%
reporting being sexually assaulted, 48% report the
assault occurring while they were attending Saint
Louis University
 Stats from MCHBS 2012 (N=798)
What you can do…
 Believe the person
 Tell the victim it is not his or her fault
 Encourage a report to be made (counseling center, Dean of Students,
RA, campus police, local police, university staff or faculty)
 Don’t pry or try to get information out of the person if he/she is
unwilling to be forthcoming with information- be ready to listen when
that person is ready to talk
 If you learn of the perpetrators identity, don’t suggest physical harm or
any form of retaliation
 Know available resource (Counseling Center, YWCA Sexual Assault
Center)
 For rape kits to be done we take students to St. Mary’s Hospital
 In these situations use paper/cloth bag to store clothing, etc as plastic
bags can ruin the evidence
 Listen
 Be patient
Lasting thoughts…
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If the past have you generally been a bystander or intervener? Examples?
How would your group or community benefit from intervening?
What makes you “give in” to activities or behavior you really don’t want to engage in?
What makes you stand your ground?
What message do you think it sends when people are silent about an issue?
Do you think people have become “desensitized” to some of these issues?
Do you think people are “snitches” if they talk to someone about another person out of
concern (talk to teacher, mentor, administer, professional, etc)?
Which of the behaviors are made even more risky by the competitive nature of being an
athlete?
What causes people to make decisions that go against their stated goals and values?
What skill is most difficult for you to practice? Why?
How do other cultures view these issues? Similarities/Differences?
What has this training meant to you? Do you think this training will affect how you look
at things in the future?