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Building Healthy Peer
Relationships
Chapter 6
Section 1 Objectives
• Describe four skills that contribute to effective
communication.
• Explain how cooperation and compromise
help build healthy relationships.
Skills for Healthy Relationships
1. Effective Communication
2. Assertiveness
3. Cooperation
Effective Communication
• Communication is the process of sharing
information, thoughts, or feelings.
• Learning to communicate effectively takes
practice.
Effective Communication Skills
• “I” messages
• Active listening
• Assertiveness
• Body Language
“I” Messages
• Definition:
• An “I” message is a statement that expresses your
feelings, but does not blame or judge the other person.
• Example:
• Suppose you are upset with a friend who forgot to call
you. When you speak to the friend, you shout , “Can’t
you remember anything?” This approach could put
your friend on the defensive and cause an argument.
• Instead say something like, “ I am upset because we
didn’t talk last night. This opens up the line of
communication between you and your friend.
Active Listening
• For communication to be effective, it must be
a two-way process. There must be a listener as
well as a speaker.
• Active listening is focusing your full attention
on what the other person is saying and letting
that person know you understand and care.
• Show your interest by looking at the person,
nodding your head, and showing concern on
your face.
• Encourage the speaker to begin by saying “Do you want
to talk about…” or “You seem upset about…”
• When the speaker pauses, show your interest by
offering comments such as “Then what happened?” or
“What did you do then?”
• Avoid passing judgment on what the speaker says.
• Show you have been listening by summarizing the
speaker’s ideas with phrases such as “It sounds like you
were angry when…” or “I heard you say…”
• Help the speaker explore things further with phrases
such as “Tell me more about…” or “I guess you felt…”
• Do not steer the conversation away from the speaker’s
problem and onto a problem of your own.
Assertiveness
How do you express your opinions and feelings
when they differ from those of another person?
• Are you passive, holding back your true feelings
and going along with the other person?
• Are you aggressive? Do you communicate
opinions and feelings in a way that may seem
threatening or disrespectful to other people?
• Are you assertive? When you are assertive, you
are able to stand up for yourself while expressing
your feelings in a way that does not threaten the
other person.
• Assertiveness involves more than just what you say.
How you say something, or the tone of your voice, also
communicates your message.
EXAMPLE:
Open your book to page 138.
People who are assertive tend to have healthier
relationships than those who are passive or aggressive.
Assertive behavior communicates respect for both
yourself and others. Passive behavior shows lack of
respect for yourself. Aggressive behavior shows lack of
respect for others.
Body Language
• Body language includes posture, gestures,
facial expressions, and body movements.
• We are often unaware of the silent messages
sent by our body language.
• Sometimes body language matches spoken
words. Other times, it may contradict what
you are saying.
• People who lie sometimes give themselves
away through body language.
Cooperation
• Cooperation is working together toward a common
goal.
• To successfully meet the goal, people must work
together as a team.
• Everybody on the team must meet their
responsibilities and trust the others to meet theirs.
• EX: Company visiting and house needs cleaning.
• Ex: When friends study together, each can help the
other master difficult material.
• Cooperation builds strong relationships that are based
on mutual trust, caring and responsibility.
Compromise
• You are having a disagreement with a friend on
your plans for the night.
• You would like to go to the mall, but your friend
would rather go to the movies.
• How would you handle this problem?
• Compromise is the willingness of each person to
give up something in order to reach an
agreement. (A skill of give and take)
• Both people must be willing to sacrifice
something to get something in return. Both must
feel comfortable with the solution.
• Possible solutions:
• Agree to go to the mall tonight and movie tomorrow or vice
versa.
• Go to mall first then to movie.
• Do a completely different activity.
• When you are willing to compromise, you let the other
person know how important the relationship is to you.
• When not to compromise
• Dangerous
• Against your values
• Let your friend know how you feel and make it clear that
there is no room for compromise on the issue.
Section 2 Objectives
• Explain the importance of having friends.
• Distinguish different types of friendships.
• Describe some problems that occur in
friendships.
The Importance of Friendships
• Warm-up page 141. Which characteristic do you
most value in a friend?
• Friendship is a relationship based on mutual
trust, acceptance, and common interests or
values.
• Three things people look for from friends:
a. Honest reactions
b. Encouragement during bad times
c. Understanding when you make a mistake
• Interacting with others helps you to build selfesteem and to learn about yourself.
• You can experiment with different roles:
leader, helper, advice-seeker, or supporter.
• Activities like exercising, washing a car, or
studying for a test can be more enjoyable with
a friend.
Types of Friendships
• Casual friendships occur because people go to
the same school, live in the same
neighborhood, or have interests in common.
Example: Social media “friends”
• Close friendships are formed with people who
share similar goals, values, or interests.
Sometimes people are drawn to each other
because they have similar personalities.
Qualities that are important
in a close friend
• Loyalty- A close friend sticks by you in both good
and bad times.
• Honesty-You can trust a close friend to be
truthful, even when the truth is painful. You
know that your friend isn’t trying to hurt you.
• Empathy-A close friend is caring and sensitive to
your feelings.
• Reliability- A close friend can always be counted
on. You know your friend will try hard not to let
you down.
• Friends of the opposite sex may develop more easily now
than in earlier generations because of changes in gender
roles
• Gender roles are the behaviors and attitudes that are
socially accepted as either masculine or feminine. Gender
roles vary by culture.
• Many people now behave in ways that traditionally were
reserved for members of the opposite gender.
• Both males and females learn to express emotions, like
tenderness and assertiveness depending on the situation.
• Friendships between males and females can be close, but
not involve romance. These friendships may develop into
romantic relationships but often they do not.
Problems in Friendships
a. Envy and jealousy can occur when one person has
something the other wants.
Ex: appearance, talent, possessions, popularity
b. Cruelty and manipulation lead to problems in a friendship.
• A friend may be cruel or try to manipulate you even if you
have done nothing to deserve it.
• Why? Problems at home, school, other. People sometimes
transfer their pain or anxiety onto close friends.
• What do you do? Confront the friend, find out the real
problem and make it clear that you are not willing to be
mistreated. Show concern and desire to help your friend
work it out.
• Clique a narrow, exclusive group of people with
similar backgrounds or interests. A small, closed
circle of friends that does not accept people who
are different.
• Are cliques positive or negative?
• In groups of 3-4 make a list of things you could
say to defend the position that cliques are
positive.
• Make a second list of things you could say to
defend the position that cliques are negative.
Cliques Pros and Cons
• +Gives a person a sense of belonging
• -Deprives a person of forming friendships with a
variety of people.
• -Discourages members from thinking and acting
independently.
• -Peer pressure- a need to conform to the
expectations of the tight circle of friends.
• You will be less likely to encounter peer pressure
if you choose friends wisely. Choose people who
care about you, share your values, and support
your goals.
Physical Attraction and Dating
Section 3 Objectives
• List some things you can learn about a person
by dating.
• Describe the cycle of violence
• Infatuation- feelings of intense attraction to
another person.
• Four things you can learn about a person by
dating:
a. Personality
b. Interests
c. Abilities
d. Values
Two advantages of going out in a group:
a. Can see how people behave when with others
b. People get to know more about you/can be
more comfortable and safer.
Three factors that influence dating practices.
a. Individuals
b. Families
c. Cultures
• Three Drawbacks of exclusive dating
a. Limits chances of meeting other people you
might like
b. May feel pressured to make a decision about
sexual intimacy
c. May be difficult to break off relationships if
conflicts arise
Four challenges faced by teen marriages
a. Limited job skills
b. Lack of emotional maturity
c. Loss of freedom
d. Loss of shared activities with friends
Violence in Dating Relationships
• Dating Violence: a pattern of emotional,
physical, or sexual abuse that occurs in a
dating relationship.
• One person uses abuse to gain control over
the other.
• Examples of Dating Violence: making fun of
the other’s looks or abilities, constantly
checking up to find out what the other person
is doing, physical harm.
Violence in Dating
Cycle of Violence
• Tension-Building
a. Criticizes or threatens
b. Picks fights
• Violent Episode
c. Uses force
d. Causes serious injury
• Calm
e. Asks for forgiveness
f. Makes promises
Five Warning Signs of Abuse
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Your date is jealous when you talk to others.
Your date tries to control you.
Your date has a history of bad relationships.
You feel isolated from friends and family.
You feel less confident.
Five Tips for Dating Safely
a. Go out as a group
b. Let someone know where you are going
c. Avoid alcohol and drugs
d. Have money to get home
e. Call 911 in an emergency
Date Rape: Rape that occurs during a date.
Myth: A person who is raped is usually attacked by
a stranger.
Fact: Most victims of rape know their attackers.
Choosing Abstinence
Section 4 Objectives
• Identify some risks of sexual intimacy.
• Explain why emotional intimacy is important
in close relationships.
• List some skills that can help you choose
abstinence.
• Teen Talk Video #6
Risks of Sexual Intimacy
• How can I show affection without things going
too far? Am I emotionally ready for a sexual
relationship?
• We need to think about these things before
we make decisions that can affect the rest of
our lives.
• Sexual intimacy is not risk fee.
• Sexual intimacy can effect your emotional health
• Decisions should be based on the values you hold.
• Those values can be influenced by family, friends,
religion, culture, experiences, and the media. Often
the messages will be contradictory causing confusion
about how you feel.
If you make a decision to go against your values,
• you may feel guilty or ashamed because you let family,
friends and yourself down
• You may lose self-respect or have lower self-esteem
• Sexual intimacy can have an effect on your
relationship. It alters the way couples spend time
together.
• Sexual intimacy can affect each person’s expectations
of the relationship.
• It can cause one person to become more possessive
and put more demands on the others time.
• One person may expect to be intimate every time the
couple is together.
• One person may decide to end the relationship.
• Most couples are not prepared for the complications
these changes cause.
• Sexual intimacy poses risk for pregnancy.
• Teenage pregnancy can pose serious health problems for the baby
and mother.
• Babies born to teen mothers are often smaller and less healthy
than those born to older women.
• Teens legally responsible for caring for their babies. This causes
them to feel trapped and overwhelmed.
• Teen mothers drop out of school/a lot of times no support from
fathers
• Teen fathers that are supportive drop out of school and work at low
paying jobs.
• It can happen to you!
• What type of activities will a teen mother no longer be able
to do???
• Risks of Sexually transmitted infections
• Can be passed from one person to another
during sexual activity and if left untreated, can
cause serious health problems.
• Can cause infertility
• Can shorten a person’s life or require medical
treatment throughout a person’s life.
Emotional intimacy refers to the openness, sharing,
affection, and trust that can develop in a close
relationship.
Two things can help a couple develop emotional
intimacy:
a. They must be honest with each other.
b. The must be accepting and supportive of
each other.
A couple can have a close relationship without
being sexually intimate, but it is hard to keep a
close relationship if there is no emotional
intimacy.
Abstinence Skills
• Abstinence is the act of refraining from, or not
having sex.
• There are skills you can learn to help you to
choose abstinence when you are faced with
pressure to become more physically intimate.
• These skills include setting clear limits,
communicating your limits, avoiding highpressure situations, and asserting yourself.
Set Clear Limits
• It is natural to feel a sexual attraction to someone you
are dating and to be unsure of how to handle these
feelings.
• If you set limits before the situation arises, it will be
easier to stick to the standards you set.
• It is important to know your limits before you go out so
that you can avoid having to make a hasty decision.
• Consider your values and possible consequences.
• Use the decide process.
• Don’t let friends and the media influence you.
Communicate Your Limits
• Once you have decided on your limits, it is
important to communicate your feelings to your
partner.
• Discuss things with your partner as soon as
possible
• Talk honestly about your feelings and values.
• If your partner tries to make you feel guilty, you
may need to rethink your relationship.
• Do you want to be with a person who does not
respect your feelings or who does not value
emotional intimacy?
Avoid high-pressure situations
• Sticking to the limits you set can be difficult.
• You can make it easier for yourself by avoiding
certain situations.
• Avoid unsupervised situations
• Avoid alcohol and other drug
• Spend time with friends that share your
values.
Assert Yourself
• If you are in a situation where you are not
comfortable with the level of physical
intimacy, don’t feel guilty about saying NO.
• State that you want to stop. Speak clearly and
directly.
• If necessary, repeat yourself. EX: “No! I said I
don’t want to do that.”
• If necessary, get up and walk away.
• Do not give in to pressure
Don’t give in to pressure
• One person may try to pressure another by
saying that, at some levels of intimacy, it is
impossible to stop without causing physical harm.
THIS IS NOT TRUE
• You may hear, “IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU WOULD
DO IT.” or “Everyone else is doing it”
• You will respect yourself more for sticking to you
limits than for giving in.
• If your partner does not respect your limits, the
relationship isn’t worth continuing.