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October 2016 T H E C EN T ER FO R PA R EN T/ YO U T H U N D ER S TA N D I N G Helping parents understand teenagers and their world Negative Peer Pressure YOUTH CULTURE HOT QUOTE We spend so much time creating layers on top of who we are that we get hidden from who we really are. So it’s important to be unedited. We have so much pressure to wear that hat, that cape, that covering all the time to be someone that you think you should be, versus who you really are. Julie Mathers, founder of the “Love Your Selfie: No Edits” challenge in Lancaster, PA, LNP, September 19, 2016 1 October 2016 | www.cpyu.org WALT MUELLER, CPYU President Even before they reach their teen years, our kids will be tempted, to one degree or another on numerous occasions, to become like chameleons. In an effort to protect themselves from feeling like they’ve been left alone to wander through adolescence, our kids will change colors and blend in with the surrounding environment of. . . the peer group. As Christian parents, what can you do to equip your kids to weather the inevitable peer pressure storm in a way that brings honor and glory to their Heavenly Father? First, recognize that peer pressure reaches its greatest intensity during the adolescent years. Along with the rest of the teenage population, your chld is experiencing the natural developmental shift in social focus from her family to her peer group. They begin to disengage from the family while forming more and more relationships with same-sex and opposite-sex peers. Consequently, they will sometimes look for guidance and direction from their peers. Second, recognize that the nature of peer pressure has changed since we were growing up. Peer pressure used to take the form of a verbal invitation to come and participate in some behavior that both you and the person inviting you to do it knew was wrong. There was always that element of sneaking around. Today, peer pressure typically takes the form of an unspoken expectation to participate in behavior that the great majority of the peer group believes to be normal and right. Today, it’s much more difficult for our kids to go against the flow when the behaviors promoted aren’t sneaky, but celebrated. Finally, peer pressure shouldn’t lead us to wave the white flag of surrender. Instead, it should motivate us to do all we can to encourage and equip our kids to stand firm in the midst of their pressure-filled lives. Realize that negative peer pressure is a spiritual battle that all of us fight constantly. Like the apostle Paul, we will find ourselves baffled by our behavior (Romans 7:1524). But like Paul, we can see the way out of our struggle with sin through Jesus Christ (Romans 7:25). Pray, pray, and continue to pray for your kids in the midst of pressure so intense that it can leave you and them feeling helpless and hopeless. Examine yourself and your lifestyle to see how your example teaches them to handle negative peer pressure. Model a lifestyle of discipleship and, by doing so, show your kids that following Christ is not always the easy choice but is always the right choice. Actively help your children realize their value and worth in God’s eyes so that they are less prone to seek their satisfaction by conforming to the images of the world. Get your kids involved in a positive peer group – perhaps a strong church youth group – where following the narrow path that leads to life is celebrated and affirmed by both leaders and students alike. Help your kids to understand the truth of Proverbs 13:20 – that for better or for worse, friends always do influence friends. TOP 10... Findings on 1. Reading the Bible in Public Is Seen as Teens and Encouraging the Bible 2. A Majority of Teens Own a Bible and Read it Source: Barna: 2016 Teen State of the Bible and The Bible in America study Regularly 3. A Majority of Teens Read the Bible for More Than 15 minutes Each Sitting 4. Growing Closer to God is the Key Motivator for Bible Reading 5. Teens Still Prefer to use a Hard Copy Bible in a Digital Age 6. The Bible Is Considered Sacred Literature 7. The Bible is a Source of Hope and Guidance 8. The Bible Is Considered the Literal or Inspired Word of God 9. The Bible Should Have More Influence on QUICK STATS Among kids in grades 9-12, 17% report seriously considering suicide in the preceding 12 month period, and 8% report making one or more attempts at suicide during this time. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) Suicide is the second leading cause of death for young people ages 10-24 years-old. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) Society 10. The Bible Influences Political Decisions FROM THE NEWS: DELAYED SCHOOL START TIMES Sleep deprivation has become a very real problem for our children and teens. Their busy schedules have them going to bed later and getting up earlier and earlier. Add to that the fact that uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past due to sleeping with their smartphones, and you’ve got a situation where the lack of sleep has led to health and well-being problems for kids. The American Medical Association is working to address this sleep deprivation issue and has recently called for a delay in school start times so that kids might get more sleep. The AMA wants to see middle school and high school start times of no earlier than eight-thirty-am. They believe that more time for sleep will improve health, academic performance, behavior, and general well-being. Parents, don’t wait for your schools to remedy this problem. Your kids need their uninterrupted sleep. Make sure they get to bed at a decent time and that they do so without their phones. God made them to need their rest. 2 October 2016 | www.cpyu.org CPYU’S TRENDS: TREND ALERT Online shopping as LATEST RESEARCH: entertainment Binge-drinking and stress Marketers are always jockeying to get the attention and money of our kids. In a recent online interview with Catherine Moellering, who’s an expert on teen marketing especially when it comes to girls and fashion - Moellering offered this interesting insight... “Teen girls love celebrities and celebrity collaboration. The celebrity who’s wearing or designing the item and the magazine that cites the look are big influences. They’re coming of age at the height of the social network phenomenon. It’s important to remember that even with all the virtual tryingon, sharing of looks on social feeds and so forth, teens experience it as entertainment, rather than research.” Wow! Did you hear what Moellering said? Teen girls are now seeing online shopping as entertainment. What a brilliant strategy. Since teenagers love to be entertained, the marketer who makes that happen is going to be most successful at getting girls to spend their money. Are you talking to your daughters about manipulative marketing practices and how to be a good steward of finances? Binge-drinking is a term used to describe the practice of consuming several alcoholic drinks in a row. Because of curiosity, marketing, peer pressure, and a sense of invulnerability, many of our teens will engage in the dangerous and sometimes deadly practice of binge drinking. While binge drinking is a problem for people of all ages, a new study has found that binging in the early to mid teenage years can alter how the brain deals with stress, even into one’s adulthood. Because of ethical boundaries, the research was conducted on rats rather than on real teenagers. But because the brains of rats respond similarly to the human brain, researchers were able to conclude that binge-drinking changes the effects of the stress hormone known as cortisol, making it difficult for the brain to adapt to stress. Concerns are that this can lead to long-term anxiety and depression. Teach your kids to honor and glorify God by living alcohol-free during their teenage years. Tim Elmore runs an organization called “Growing Leaders.” His mission is to lead the next generation into becoming leaders themselves. As part of his work, Elmore endeavors to understand some of the roadblocks to personal growth and leadership, including those roadblocks students face on the college campus. Recently, Elmore blogged on some surprising facts about college students. Here are three facts that demand our attention: www.CollegeTransitionInitiative.com Surprising Facts About College Students by Walt Mueller 3 October 2016 | www.cpyu.org Fact 1: If the average college student gave up alcohol for a year, they would save $900! Fact 2: The average college student attends 62 parties a year. Fact 3: Sixty percent of middle class college students won’t graduate in 6-8 years. The church and home should work together to carefully craft responses that will engage our kids in thinking critically and Christianly about who they will choose to be when they get to college, and how they will choose to live. College is a calling and a privilege. The who and how must be seen as arenas for living out the faith as we teach kids to embrace, experience, and work through college as an act of worship to the glory of God! FROM THE WORD New Podcast Youth Culture Matters is a new long-format podcast from CPYU. Co-hosted by Walt Mueller and Jason Soucinek, each episode features an interview with an expert in a youth culture related field. Listen at www.cpyu.org/podcast. Available in the CPYU Resource Center at www.cpyuresourcecenter.org. The Old Testament’s book of Proverbs is rich in wisdom. In fact, that’s why it was written. In the first chapter of Proverbs we learn that the book was written to “give prudence to the simple” and “knowledge and discretion to the young” (1:4). Over and over the writer of Proverbs refers to “my son,” an indication that the book is especially helpful for us as parents as we work and pray to instill wisdom for life into the hearts and minds of our children and teens. If you are a parent who endeavors to take every opportunity to instruct your kids in God’s will and way for their lives (see Deuteronomy 6:1-9), you should be passing on the wisdom of Proverbs. In Proverbs 13:20 we find some of the “He who walks with the Bible’s best and most direct advice on the kinds of company we should keep. In wise grows wise, but Eugene Peterson’s The Message, this verse a companion of fools is rendered this way: “Become wise by suffers harm.” walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.” Yes, the Proverbs 13:20 company that we keep does matter. Actor Will Smith captured a practical reality of the consequences of choosing friends when he said this: “Look at your five closest friends. Those five friends are who you are.” As you look for ways to teach your kids about the importance of choosing good friends, take some time to ponder the company you keep. As we endeavor to grow in our likeness to Christ, we should be choosing and moving in a close circle of friends who look like Him. . . and who will make us wise! HELPFUL resource Dan Doriani understands that men don’t need more lists to excel as husbands, fathers, or leaders. In The New Man: Becoming a Man After God’s Heart, Doriani explains that the new man in Christ is shaped by knowing God through his Word, because the way of a godly man is the way of his God. With a focus on honing character rather than following techniques, Doriani helps you to reflect God’s character in marriage, friendships, wealth, work, fitness, play, and more. You won’t find checklists for selfimprovement (or three ways to grill a steak), but you will find clarity, honesty, encouragement and freedom in the Man who is not just our example but ultimately our Savior. © 2016 All rights reserved. The CPYU Parent Page is published monthly by the Center for Parent/ Youth Understanding, a nonprofit organization committed to building strong families by serving to bridge the cultural-generational gap between parents and teenagers. Phone: (717) 361-8429 Fax: (717) 361-8964 email: [email protected] PO Box 414, Elizabethtown, PA 17022 | www.cpyu.org 4 October 2016 | www.cpyu.org