Download EXERCISE TWO revising diction

EXERCISE TWO: REVISING DICTION
Below are five versions of the same idea. These versions all use different sorts of words
to communicate this idea. Identify the best passage, and try to explain why you chose it
and why you didn’t choose the other four.
1. Writing carefully is important. It conveys meaning to the reader. Clear writing
helps us to think. Employers consider it important.
2. The written medium is oriented toward a dual goal. First, it must provide input for
the user. Second, it must capitalize on the interface between thought and symbol.
3. Clear writing refines our thoughts and enables communication with our readers.
4. It is incumbent on the aspiring writer of serious prose to be cognizant of his
responsibility to strive for the utmost clarity of elucidation. Since language is
inextricably related to the cognitive faculties, we are capable of cultivating our
thinking by rendering our language with ultimate precision.
5. It is important to get close to what you mean when you write. Otherwise, the
person who’s reading your writing won’t understand it. Also, you won’t be able to
get your own ideas down on paper.
See Answer Key on the next page.
1. Short choppy sentences all of the same length and structure; no connections
between ideas to indicate relative importance or logical relationships.
2. Computerese that may be appropriate to certain technical contexts within the
computer world but comes across as vague, wooden, stilted jargon.
3. Clear writing; note the precision of this phrasing and its simplicity and clarity.
4. Self-conscious over-writing; note the overuse of nouns( writer, prose,
responsibility, clarity, elucidation, language, faculties, thinking, language,
precision), and unnecessary adjectives, words that describe or modify nouns
(aspiring, serious, utmost, ultimate).
5. Too casual for academic writing (the writer uses contractions and “you” rather
than “one”).