Download 10277 A DISCOURSE ON MARRIAGE Speaker: Bro. John Martin

10277
A DISCOURSE ON MARRIAGE
Speaker:
Bro. John Martin
Study #1
Bible Class
Whom God Has Joined Together - Part 1
Reading:
Malachi 2
PRESIDER'S REMARKS
Brethren and sisters, that reading will serve as an introduction to the subject matter that
our bro. John is to deal with, under the theme, WHOM GOD HATH JOINED
TOGETHER. Just a few comments about the reason for the new subject at our
Wednesday night bible class; we have been concerned in this ecclesia and from
situations in other ecclesias that are developing, that our glorious combination of the
marriage state that brethren and sisters enjoy, is suffering from the affects of the age in
which we live, as prophetically we can expect to happen. And for that reason we felt that
it was very fitting that as we've come to a particular change in our theme for study
classes, that we give due consideration to this glorious theme, which should enrich each
one's life as we walk towards the kingdom. For that reason, we've set aside a series of
a few meetings where, bro. John will outline certain principles concerning marriage,
which will then be followed by a deep consideration and a lengthy consideration, by our
bro. Paul Crosswell, of the subject of the Song of Solomon, which as we know, is a
glorious theme based upon that wonderful marriage, which each one of us anticipates to
be involved in, through the mercy of God, in the manifestation of Christ in the earth.
So for that reason, we've set aside these particular nights, that our marriage might be
enriched with a fuller appreciation of the spiritual significance of that marriage. We know
the expression of the Lord Jesus Christ when asked about the woman who had married
7 husbands and they'd all died, and the hypocritical question of the leaders of Israel
was, who's wife shall she be? and Christ pointed out quite clearly, that in the age to
come, there shall be neither marrying or giving-in-marriage. Marriage is something of
this economy which is typical of the glorious marriage state which each one hopes to
participate in when Christ comes to be united with His Bride. We should therefore, see
marriage, as a type of good things to come; and the joys and the happiness that we
experience in our marriage should only be a little cameo of the glorious unity that will
take place when Christ comes.
Conversely, if we have heartache and difficulty, problems which on many occasions are
of our own making, it's because we don't fully appreciate, the type of our marriage which
we enjoy or should enjoy now. So for that reason, our bro. John will speak for some
time on the ethics of marriage, whereby we can bring before our minds, once again the
lessons which are associated with that, and how to enrich our united life together with
our wives. That as we are forgiven, we might experience the great grace of our God,
and our united prayers to God, as united in one, might ascend unto the Father and He
might be able to overshadow our united walk towards His kingdom.
Now once again, it will be like a study class, it just so happens that there are too many
here for the back hall or for a little group here, and so we decided to put the table on the
platform or rather leave it as it is, I'm going to move the lectern in a minute; John's going
to bring his chair up, and I'll bring mine up and it'll be like a study class, but only
because of the number of people here, we've obviously had to come up here. Please try
to feel that it will be once again, a pretty close situation where you can ask questions
and John will answer them; it will be like the normal class, only abnormal because of its
size. If there are questions in the back, I really don't know how we're going to handle
that, but if you've got a question, I'm sure you'll get it up to us up here! Brother John
........
END OF PRESIDER'S REMARKS
Well, b&s, David introduced this evening as a study, but I don't really want to call it a
study; one of the reasons why I requested that we come and sit up at the table, I want to
create an atmosphere where we can talk together about this most vital subject. If you've
come along here tonight to hear some legal dissertation as to what we think ought to be
done in marriage and divorce, you're going to be very disappointed, because that's not
the cause of the evening at all. We want to, this evening, b&s, talk in a very
conversational tone about some very delicate matters in relation to married life and
relationships between a man and a woman. Now David has given the reasons why; to
say that we are alarmed at the trends would be an understatement! we don't want to
spend this evening in a negative way, we hope to be very positive indeed, but we have
to point out, b&s, that here in this country and abroad, it is positively alarming as to what
is going on in the brotherhood. Alarming but not surprising! because it is, of course, a
matter of prophecy. Our Lord Jesus Christ, as we well know, clearly warns us of this
matter; that doesn't mean to say that because it's prophecy we accept it or even try to
help prophecy; we don't do that, of course! but it is a fact, that He clearly warned us of
this matter, and therefore, in a way, our very subject this evening is current affairs! We
haven't a need for current affairs, this is a current affair!
We all know the Lord's words well, 'they were marrying and giving in marriage, as it was
in the days of Noah'. In the Greek text, b&s, those words are in the continuous tense,
there is nothing wrong with people marrying, and there's nothing wrong with parents
giving in marriage; but when they go on doing it, again, and again, and again, it is in the
words of Malachi, 'an abomination'. Now I wonder if you realize the very importance of
the Lord's words, you see He didn't only say that men and women would get married,
divorced and get married and divorced...He said parents would go on allowing it,
allowing it, allowing it, allowing it. It wasn't only marrying, it was giving in marriage, and
the Lord spoke of an attitude that would develop in the world, where young people and
older people would remarry and parents would see nothing wrong with it, time and time
again! Now that is what our Lord said, and we've reached that age in the world's history,
we're sad to say, where the world is full of this!
You may know and, of course, I'm fully aware and you would be too, those of us who go
to work, that among your work mates at your various places of employment, it is hard to
find really, a man that is with his first wife, especially among the younger generation of
this age. Very difficult to find a man who is with his first wife and, of course, it's got to a
point now where they don't even legally get married, because that's the stumbling stone;
there are a lot of tax dodges, and a lot of other benefits from just living together. It's a
horrible situation! and, of course, the world is a horrible place to live in as a result, b&s.
Now we say that's in the world and we always say, do we not? that the world, whether
we like it or not, subconsciously affects our ecclesial life; it's done so in every other
case, and I don't see any reason why it won't do it in this one. And it has done, to a very
large degree, and you know, b&s, it's sad to say that it was very popular at one time, for
brethren to go overseas and come back and talk about the sad events that are taking
place overseas. That is no longer applicable, it is applicable here! we never thought
we'd come to this, we've come to it, and it's terribly sad! very, very sad indeed.
What I'm going to say to you, is all on these notes, and I won't deviate from them,
because it's a very sensitive subject. Now everything I say to you therefore, has been
well thought out, believe me!
The next thing I want to say to you is this, by way of introduction, I want you all to be
aware, that in the past 18 months in the city of Adelaide among the 7 suburban
ecclesias, we have had in the vicinity of 30 weddings. Now let that sink in! 30 weddings,
that is an incredible year! 30, 30 of our young couples have united in Christ, and they
have done so under the shadow of this age. If time permits, b&s, we want to talk about
some of the aspects that lead up to such marriages, and the dangers that are already in
existence where it is quite possible, that if we do not show our young people, a better
example, then some of those marriages, maybe many of them, if our Lord delays, could
find extreme difficulty in proceeding happily. I think all of us, need to show an example
to our young people in married life. There isn't in our meeting, one perfect marriage! I
don't think anyone will stand up and deny that; no marriage runs perfectly! and in that
fact, b&s, we have the opportunity therefore, to overcome whatever difficulties we might
have with our wives and with our husbands, if for our own sake, 'yes', and also for the
sake of our ecclesia and especially for our young people. Let's bear that in mind!
Another point I want to mention to you in the introduction is this, that difficulties in
married life, of course, are very emotive issues; they involve very deep emotions, and
they involve a man and a woman, and the world is divided between those two sexes,
men and women. There is an ideal opportunity therefore, in marriage disputes, to create
friction in an ecclesia. People get very emotional about the issue, and if the brother or
sister involved becomes vocal, they could, if the ecclesia was of a lesser calibre, recruit
on their side, their own kin, that is the woman has the sisters, the brother has the
brethren and in the emotive issue that ensues, there is ideal opportunity to divide an
ecclesia. And we are able, b&s, to weather the storm of personal problems, we can get
through that, but ecclesial problems are another thing again. We would, therefore, make
an appeal to you all, at the beginning of our little talk this evening, that in all the
problems that do arise, and probably will arise, be extremely careful as to what you say
and do; and whatever you say and do make it helpful and constructive, and by all
means, b&s, with the powers that God has given us, let's keep it out of the ecclesia!
Let's keep the ecclesia together!
The sad situation has lead to this spectacle in ecclesial life; I could sight you specific
cases, don't think I can't, because I can, and these are happening, b&s, all over the
world, where you have at a meeting on a Sunday morning, a brother sitting over there,
his sister wife sitting over there, because of some domestic dispute, and both their
hearts converging here with the Lord, as the Bride of Christ! Try and absorb that, that's
happening! that is happening in the world; two people out there sitting separately,
mingling their hearts here, as the bride of the house of the Bridegroom of this table!
Now you imagine the impact upon the young minds witnessing that in a meeting, and
seeing the terrible inconsistency of that! and it must be fairly obvious even to the most
simple minds, as our bro. David introduced this meeting, that if they can't meet in that
hall, there is not much purpose coming here to meet up here together, to be married to
one Husband, both of them! It's an incredible thing, a very, very serious thing indeed.
Now, that's what I want to say by way of introduction. I want now to try and endeavour
to impress you with our motive, because it is going to be extremely necessary for you to
appreciate this. We want to be very positive, b&s, and helpful, we want to do that! But I
know, and I think any other brother would know too, that whatever one says on the
marriage question, however well he puts it or carefully he puts it, and however positive
he might be, it is one subject which can be very easily turned to the negative in your
mind. Now when I prepared for this evening (and I've been preparing not so much over
books or anything like that, but just thinking the matter out, and wrote that all down and
looked at it, I wrote that down very enthusiastically as a very positive outlook of married
life. When I leaned back in my chair, and I looked at what I had written there, I realized
that on that paper, were the problems of married life that I had experienced in trying to
help others; and I know that you'll probably find them in your own private life, and in
something that I'm going to say, you're going to find it in your life. I appeal to you, b&s,
and I say this before my God, they were not prepared with that in mind. I prepared them
as positive observations; the fact that they are, of course, the problems concerned, only
proves that those observations are correct. So that what I'm trying to say to you is this,
husbands don't feel when I talk about your wives, as to what the scriptures say they
ought to do, don't feel that you can go home and use what we say to score points! Let
them listen and absorb that, you wait your turn. And wives, we would ask you to think
similarly, because there are some wonderful things in the scriptures about husband and
wife relationships.
And as I said tonight, we're not going to talk about the legalities of it, we want to do what
the apostle did in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, when he spoke by permission, that is, he
spoke about things which were expedient which he saw, as being the issues of life, and
with his broad experience of humans and the people with which he mixed, b&s, he was
able to view the spectrum of married life, and to speak about it very tenderly and
eloquently on that delicate subject, and he was never married! Some think he was
married or may have been, I don't think he was, and yet the man who never had a wife
or a family, I suppose, spoke more about this subject than perhaps all the other bible
writers put together. He had an incredible ability to understand people and the quirks of
human nature, and he knew the inter-relationships of men and women, when they came
together, how they would react. And so he was able to speak from his heart and speak
about the issues, not so much by quoting chapter and verse, but by bringing to bear the
spirit of what the scriptures said about human relationships. And that's what we want to
endeavour to do, and in that endeavour we want to try and balance our comments so
that we feel that any one party can't go away and say, 'well, the onus is more on you
than me'. If we err in that regard, b&s, it will only prove that we're human. What I'm
asking of you all, is that you accept what we say, in the manner in which it is given,
positively and helpfully; don't convert it in your mind to anything negative. And when you
find yourself thinking something negative, because we've all got problems with our
partners, when you find yourself thinking something negative, stop yourself and say,
'that's not the issue at all; what can I gather out of this that will help me in whatever
problem I may have with my partner?' That's how we've got to think; now please do that
because it would be a tragedy indeed, if our arranging brethren having considered this
subject, that we should come to this evening and create the problem that we're so
desperately trying to avoid. That would be a tragedy indeed!
Well, where do we start? Well, we start with God! You see, what is God's attitude to
marriage? You know what His attitude to marriage is, or do you? In the 19th chapter of
Matthew, b&s, I want to just bring out one fact about God's attitude to marriage, which I
find utterly incredible! In the 19th chapter of Matthew from verse 3, 'The Pharisees also
came unto Him, tempting Him, and saying unto Him, Is it lawful for a man to put away
his wife for every cause? And He answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that
He which made them at the beginning, made them male and female. And said, For this
cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain
shall be one flesh? Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh, What therefore
God hath joined together, let not man put asunder'. Now, b&s, I want you to listen
carefully to what the Lord is saying, because if you think or thought before that God's
attitude is very strong about the relationships with men and women, you just listen to
what the Lord is saying. When the Lord was asked about the relationship between a
man and a woman, as to what God would think, HE NEVER QUOTED WHAT GOD
SAID! He quoted WHAT GOD DID! The principle, b&s, of one man, one woman is a
creative act! I want you to dwell upon that, it is a creative act; the Lord never said, firstly,
what God said, He said what He did, He made one woman for one man, and that was a
creative act. Now you listen carefully; all the laws of creation govern our existence upon
this earth. We cannot defy a law of nature and escape the consequences; if you think
this is stretched, you listen! If I was to get on this roof and jump off that roof, I would in
all probability, break some of my bones, because I have defied a law of creation or
nature. The law of nature says that I cannot hold my breath indefinitely otherwise I will
die; and there are a multitude of other examples that we could quote, where we know,
that people suffer the consequences when they fly in the face of creation, AND
MARRIAGE WAS A CREATIVE ACT! Do you understand now what the Lord was
saying? That's how God made it, He didn't say it, He made it that way. Anyone who
defies that law cannot escape the consequences, there's no way out of it! That's the
Lord's teaching, I find that absolutely incredible; do you think that's right?
Well, let me tell you something else that you know to be true, and here's the proof of it.
The question is, does divine principles of marriage apply to those outside of the truth, as
well as those inside the truth? The biblical answer to that question is that it decidedly
does! Why? If this was a mere moral principle, b&s, based upon the understanding of
the truth, then it would not apply to people in ignorance, but it's a creative act! and every
man and woman on the face of this world, has been created by God, and so Paul says,
'marriage is honourable among all', and there's your reason! because it isn't just simply
a verbal, moral principle, it is a divine, creative action. Now when a man or a woman
gets married, they do so on the basis of what God did, and that's absolutely incredible. It
is incredible! Therefore, b&s, if we allow anything to enter into our married life that
would disrupt that married life, it is equivalent to flying in the face of nature; and none of
us can escape the consequences of that, that's the strength of the Lord's teaching! That
is the strength and power of the Lord's teaching and Malachi said exactly the same
thing.
In that reading that we had, Malachi had this to say, and he said exactly the same thing.
As a matter of fact, b&s, Malachi goes one step further really (if we could say that) and
adds something here which, of course, our Lord would have alluded to; he said this in
verse 14, 'Why have we gone astray? Because Yahweh has been witness between thee
and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou has dealt treacherously: yet she is thy
companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not He make one?' He made one.
Now what's the point? The same point as the Lord is making, but Malachi adds this
explanation, yet He had the residue of the spirit', in other words, b&s, God made ONE
woman for ONE man, did He do that, therefore, because He had exhausted His power?
Malachi makes the point which the Lord would only allude to, that He didn't exhaust His
power, there was unlimitable power to make Adam a million wives, but He stopped at
ONE; it wasn't for the lack of power! it was the establishment of principle! and what God
made is what the Lord referred to and it's what Malachi is referring to. Now, could we
have any stronger attitude expressed as far as God is concerned about husband and
wife relationships than that? And if you haven't got the point yet, I seriously suggest that
you go home tonight, and think very quietly about that fact, that it's a creative act. And
whether we think or not, well, we're all created and we meet by circumstances of life,
when we choose our partner, we are agreeing with a creative act, and the principle of
that creative act, we take into our house and we fly in the face of that, b&s, at our own
peril, because that's the divine creative act principle which has been set before us, so
clearly, by what God DID, and that's what the Lord first of all said, afterwards He quoted
what He said, but first of all, He quoted what He did!
You know, it's a wonderful thing, we say, all of us say, that the whole principle of the
truth is God manifestation! Well, He made one woman for one man, and if what we say
is true then we will follow it out in principle. No where do you ever find, the Lord Jesus
Christ or His Father, in the Old Testament record, be it Old or New Testament record,
telling us about incompatibility, excuses or reasons why we can defy the law of God,
because it may be; you don't hear any maybe's or reasons. None are given, b&s. Oh,
we all know about the 'exceptive clause'; well, we're not talking about that aspect of
things. We're talking about the incompatibility that is raised by people as to why they
can't live together; I don't know of a single scripture which says anything about that! I
wouldn't know one in the bible; you can raise me one, then I'd be surprised! But there is
the emphatic teaching as far as God's attitude is concerned; and you know, b&s, really
that's what really matters, it's not what you and I might think, but what God thinks about
the matter.
Now, that's all I want to say about the ('maybe we could do it') legalities of the situation.
What we want to do now, is talk about husband and wife. Husbands, of course, have
got to be first because they are the head of the house. We take things in order, let's take
Ephesians 5, b&s, now in dealing with this matter, I'm going to say things that at first
hearing may appear to you to be somewhat unbalanced, but I ask you to consider the
facts, and the facts are not hard to consider because you know the facts. We all know
the facts, now I'm talking to husbands. How do you view your relationship with your wife,
as far as responsibility goes for the maintenance of that marriage? How do you view it?
We all go to weddings and we hear brethren stand up and use the old adages, 'we must
pull together', you know, 'it's a two-way affair', you know, 'it's a matter of a 50-50 thing'. I
DO NOT READ THAT IN EPHESIANS! I don't read that at all in Ephesians, I'll tell you
what I read in Ephesians and I want to be very simple tonight, b&s, because I don't want
you to misunderstand, I read that our marriages are suppose to be based upon the ideal
of the marriage of Christ with His bride. Now I ask you the question, would you say that
He as our Husband and we as the wives, that the responsibilities that we have towards
each other are 50-50? would you say that? Well, I couldn't say that; I learn this in the
bible, brethren, that when Christ called me to be His bride, I was in my sins. That's what
I read, and Paul's teaching is this, 'Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved
the ecclesia and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it, with the
washing of the water by the Word'. Now, I learn therefore, in Ephesians that my
marriage is based upon the ideal of the marriage of Christ with His bride. I learn that our
affinity and our love and affection for our Lord, was based upon what He first did for me,
when I was completely irregardless of Him. He sacrificed for me and has never ceased
to wash me in the Word. The prime and first responsibility for a happy and contented
married life, settles down squarely on the shoulders of the husband, of that there cannot
be a shadow of a doubt! If that is not true, then the marriage of Christ and His bride
needed a response of the two parties equally; and that is not what I learn when I come
here every Sunday morning. Brethren, I believe, can reasonably expect from their
wives, loving submission when they do two things that Christ did for His bride, sacrifice
for her and wash her in the Word! When that's done, to the best of our ability then we
can reasonably expect, a response.
Now let me tell you something about 'sacrifice', and this is an observation of life. If
there's one thing that a male finds very difficult to do, and that is 'sacrifice'. On the other
hand, sacrifice is something which is wonderful to behold in a woman. We all know,
don't we, that Mother's Day and those sorts of days that come round in the world, we
don't need a Mother's Day to observe those principles? but even the world recognizes,
b&s, that there is in womankind, an incredible ability to sacrifice! but it's rare in a man.
He is very, very self-centred and selfish; I'm a man and I speak about myself, men do
not understand the principle of sacrifice when it comes to themselves, they can see the
need for it, they can expound it in academic ways, but seldom do you see a man, who is
equipped to go through life, making sacrifice on behalf of others, especially those he
loves the very most. It's an incredible fact of human existence, that the last person the
husband will sacrifice for, the last one is his wife! because there's a certain pride to
maintain there above everybody else, and he will not sacrifice for his wife. And you
know, brothers, that is absolutely the first, first fundamental of married life is to sacrifice
for one's wife and to wash her with the Word. And as I say these things, I spell out my
own condemnation, because I'm just as bad as anyone else in this regard and it's
because I am, I know it so well!
You take the second point, even brethren with ability to speak the Word, they will
compass land and sea to speak the Word to brethren and sisters in big or smaller
congregations, they will accept appointments hither and thither, they will exhort Sunday
morning after Sunday morning, they will do anything except sit down and talk to their
wives about the bible. I have happy memories of an occasion in our married life, b&s,
(and I can't really understand why I've never recaptured this), but some time in our
married life many years ago now, Verna and I did an exercise together, we use to sit up
in bed and before we went to sleep for the evening, I would read to her from the Life
and Works of Dr. Thomas. And on several occasions we've had time to talk to each
other about the happiness of those days, of mom just lying there alongside me and me
reading to her the Life and Works of Dr. Thomas. They were precious occasions! Now
we only wish we had read many other works together just like that, just read them
together, a little explanation here and there, washing her with the Word. Sacrificing and
washing her with the Word, and it is also an incredible fact, that when a husband does
manage somehow to get out of his own world, and the selfish interests which he has,
and to sacrifice for his wife, she will respond ever greater to the magnitude of his
sacrifice; and that, of course, is in accordance with the pattern of our Lord's marriage,
because as we come to know Him better and to appreciate the magnitude of His
sacrifice, our love for Him is drawn out ever so much the more, and we get closer and
closer to Him.
If you witness in your home, in your family circles, your outings together, in your little
groups where you might gather with 3 or 4 couples, you're out preaching the truth, or
around the Word, anywhere, you just observe the conversation between husband and
wife and between other partners, and you listen as to how many of those brethren really
are prepared to say something that might elevate their wives and might humiliate
themselves. Very rarely will you find that happen, and because it doesn't happen, of
course, then you don't get the response from the wife. Now I say this, Ephesians 5 does
not teach that the prime responsibility at first is a dual thing; it teaches if it teaches
nothing else, it teaches that the prime responsibility falls firstly upon the shoulders of the
husband. That when he has sacrificed as Christ did, when he has endeavoured to do for
his wife, to wash her with the Word, he can with all reasonableness, expect from her a
response.
Now that begs another question, and this, of course, swings the pendulum to the wives,
and I'm going to speak now about a very delicate matter. An issue which is very much
alive as much as the other one is, because when Paul spoke about the wives'
submission, he said, the wives had to submit in every thing. 'Wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husband in every thing', in every thing, those words would be really
underlined. You'd say, why would he say that? It's so obvious! B&S, what is it that we're
not in subjection to Christ to? If the marriage is the ideal based upon the marriage of
Christ and His bride, what is it that we are not in subjection to Christ to? NOTHING! and
that's all Paul's saying, if therefore, Christ is our head and we are subjected to Him in
every thing, well, of course, if the pattern flows through the human marriage, then the
wife must be subject to her own husband in every thing. Now I'm going to tell you what
happens, and this, b&s, permit me to say, is a common factor, a common factor in many
of our martial problems. You've only got to think about this carefully, and the fact of it,
and I emphasize the word 'fact of it', cannot be denied. It's a common factor in many of
our martial problems, that the sister by nature, is equipped better intellectually than her
husband. Now that's not a crime, it's not even a bad thing, it's a good thing if it's
understood, and when it's not, it is a very, very dangerous thing!
A sister can't help being intellectually bright any more than her poor husband cannot
help by nature, being somewhat slower! How is she going to be subject in every thing?
Now that's very, very difficult, and I speak to those sisters who may be endowed with
intellectual brightness, you can thank God for that! but unless that is treated with the
greatest sensitivity, it will create problems. And I say again, and I speak factually, (I'm
not talking about theory) I speak factually, it is a common factor in the great majority of
martial problems that have ever been brought to our attention. Now what happens when
you get that imbalance, as it were, in a home? It's fairly obvious when you witness two
people before you, but you don't see it altogether at first sight, because what's
presented to your first sight, is an unreasonable man, and a very spiritual sister. You
walk into a situation in a home, and there's a problem there, and immediately presented
to you is a very unreasonable man and a highly spiritual sister, and one could very
quickly make a judgment in the case and say, 'Well, I feel sorry for her' but it's not long,
b&s, before you understand what that problem's about! And you see, unfortunately, that
sister hasn't understood what the problem is, and in some cases, are completely
oblivious of it; because you see, a husband is a husband. He reads in the bible that he's
the head of the house, he reads that in the bible, he maybe a brother and quite often is,
who loves his God, who dearly loves his God. And because he loves his God, he wants
to do what God would have him to do and of all the commandments that God has given
him, this one is his by divine right! that he's suppose to be the head of his house. He
feels that, b&s, very strongly, and I don't say in this sense, that he necessarily feels it
because he wants to be boss. But he does feel that as a man, he has great
responsibilities to his God, and he'd love to discharge them; that's his feeling, and
because the sister is not sensitive to the point, where she realizes that she is somewhat
more intellectually brighter than he, and because she goes through life in a blasé sort of
way, that man feels cheated, both by his God and by his wife. And because he's
cheated and robbed of what he feels is his by divine right, and he cannot by nature
match that responsibility, he feels first of all cheated, then on the basis of that, b&s, that
moves into frustration, frustration in turn says, 'Well, I've got to prove it some way; if I
can't prove it spiritually because she's always ahead of me, he's got to prove it in an
unspiritual way, doesn't he? if the flesh gets the better of him. And so he lashes out in
an unreasonable way and makes laws and things which are both demanding and
unreasonable and inconsistent! And in walks a brother as a mediator, and he sees that
situation, and says 'I feel sorry for that sister'! So do I, and I feel twice as sorry for the
brother because I can see what's happened. And that is a common factor in many of our
martial problems.
But while that poor brother is thinking that, I'll tell you what the wife is thinking. She's
sitting there, first of all, in a happily married situation, she knows too, according to her
intellect, that he should be the head of the house. And so when the family reading is
done and the bible is put in his lap, and the reading is finished, she expects him to make
a comment about those readings. He knows that too, but his tongue is quibbling in his
mouth, he doesn't know how to say it! If he knew, he couldn't put it in words, he is
unable to do it; so he feels all frustrated, but you see, she's disappointed in him. There's
that measure of disappointment in the head of her house, who can't take that lead; in
time, b&s, in time that disappointment grow to contempt. And when it grows to
contempt, and she forces herself for the sake of the family to take the lead, she creates
even more bitter frustration, and all the family ever hears is not the Word of God, but
bitter domestic arguments in front of the children which absolutely destroys that family in
many cases. That's true! and that's the problem but what's the solution?
You know, Dr. Thomas, b&s, didn't have a lot of time to spend with his wife; yet we
quote him time and again as a wonderful expositor of this subject. His sister wife, once
went on record saying, 'he belongs to the world'. If she had been a possessive woman
what a problem he would have had, that's what she said, 'he belongs to the world'. They
would have had their problems, but this is what he said concerning the position of the
woman, and I say, emphasize this, in relation to those sisters who maybe, and blessed
if they are intellectually bright, but listen to this! He said, 'Their wisdom is to be quiet and
to make their influence felt by their excellent qualities, they will then rule in the hearts of
their rulers, and so ameliorate their own subjections as to convert it unto a desirable and
sovereign obedience'. 'Sovereign obedience' that's an anomaly in terms; one becomes
a ruler by obeying the other, and it's so true, b&s. It's not necessary for that woman to
display her intellectual prowess in front of her husband, if she is sensitive enough to see
what it's doing to him. But to encourage him in his small way, in his humble way, in his
disjointed way; to come forward and to fill that gap which may be in that house as the
head of the house. If she feels the family is lacking in a spiritual diet because of her
husband's inability, b&s, there are ways and means around that! There are the ecclesial
classes, there is the Sunday School, there are private occasions when the mother has
ample opportunity to speak to her children about the things of God. There are the
occasions when she can join with other families where brethren are better equipped,
and if she is sensitive to that problem, she can build her own husband up to a
remarkable height by encouraging him, by her example, by her quiet submission to him,
and so ameliorate her own subjections that she might convert it to a sovereign
obedience! They are beautiful words, let's deeply consider them, so that we've got to
consider therefore, that this is a very big problem, as I say, not because the sister is
necessarily at fault, in being intellectually brighter, but because she isn't being sensitive
to what that is doing to that poor man! In not understanding that, she brings forth this
problem, which can be disastrous to that house. Far better, sisters, to have your child
listening to the inarticulate expressions of a poor man, than the bitter wranglings of an
intellectual woman with her husband. They'll get more out of what he says in his poor
way, than they ever will, out of the other! You think of that! it's a very, very, big thing!
You know, in this regard let's consider Abraham and Sarah. You know, as I said, b&s, in
1 Peter chapter 3, we have Sarah's example set before us in this regard. As I've told
you before, women become disappointed in their husbands because of their inabilities
or failings; and being disappointed they let that disappointment grow to contempt. Well,
let's listen to these words of Peter, 1 Peter 3:1, 'Likewise, ye wives be in subjection to
your own husbands; that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without the Word be
won by the conversation of the wives'. He doesn't mean, b&s, without the principles of
the Word, he's talking about husbands that may not be in the truth, they can be won
over by an example, not necessarily by words! I say this, if that principle can apply to
sisters who have husbands outside the truth, it can be applied with equal strength to
sisters who have husbands unable to express themselves, and unable by nature
necessarily, to take the lead in the house. It can be done in that circumstance as well!
and it doesn't mean an exposition of the Word to belittle a man, to be able to bring him
forward. And we read concerning Sarah in verse 5, 'For after this manner in the old
time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection
unto their own husbands: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, called him lord: whose
daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any (alarm)'. Did you
hear those last words, sisters, you are Sarah's daughters if you're not afraid with any
alarm. There were two occasions in Sarah's life when she had every cause for alarm! it
was when her husband virtually put her in the hands of other men, twice; she had every
cause for severe alarm, and you're her daughters if you are not afraid with any alarm. If
ever there was a woman, b&s, who had good cause to be disappointed in her husband,
even to the point of contempt, Sarah did! and in the context of her submission unto
Abraham, those words were said. She didn't see Abraham's weaknesses and make a
mountain out of them, she was put into the hands of other men, think of that! and God
extricated her from that; not Abraham but God did! and severely rebuked Abraham for
that point. But she never got to the point of treating him with contempt. In Isaiah 51
(which we won't turn to now) their marriage is spoken of as being the marriage of a
'rock'; 'look unto the rock, he says concerning Abraham, and unto the 'quarry' from
whence he had digged' and he spoke of Sarah. Of a rock in a quarry, and their marriage
was a rock-like marriage, b&s, and yet look what he did! but she never got to the point
of treating him with contempt. Now there is a thing for us to consider!
So what we've considered together is, first of all, husbands, you've got a prime
responsibility, both to sacrifice for your wife and to wash her with the Word. And sisters,
where your husbands find it difficult in the latter respect, to wash the family with the
Word, then you've got a great responsibility to be very careful as to how you go about
encouraging him to just that!
Now I just want to speak on one other matter, which I find also, b&s, is a very great
common factor, in martial problems, and that is, the subject of romance. Romance, you
think that's humorous perhaps? it is very, very serious! extremely serious. Romanticism
what's romanticism? Well you know, brethren, almost, almost without exception, women
are romantic. Almost without exception is that true! and do you know something? that is
scriptural and spiritual for a woman so to be, that is absolutely true! And our bro. Paul
when he deals with the Song of Solomon will show you what uncle Perce called in his
book, 'the romance for eternity', and I believe, that is a beautiful title, a well chosen title
for that book, a romance for eternity! Now why is it so important? Well, here is a fact of
life, an observable fact, and that is this, that young men when they're courting their girls
through their late teens perhaps some in their early teens unfortunately, quickly imbibe
romanticism from the girl. They have no problem with that, they rather enjoy it, the girl
certainly does; but you see, what happens is this, they seldom if ever understand
romanticism after they're married! On very, very rare occasions I've observed it in males
after marriage; I may not be getting around too many houses, you might say I'm wrong,
well, I hope I am, but I have hardly ever observed it in a male after he's married.
Because you see, for the aggressive male, who has a great objectivity in life in all that
he does, to him with that objectivity, the culmination, the physical culmination in
marriage, well, that's the end of romanticism as law is fulfilled by grace, almost! The
romanticism leads up to the great courtship and through the courtship with the physical
culmination in marriage, and for the aggressive male with an objectivity in life, that's it!
that's the fulfillment of romanticism and romanticism is forgotten and is almost an
nonentity. But I'll tell you something brethren, the women will never forget romanticism!
they will never forget it, it is part and parcel of the vibrant, warm nature which God
Almighty has put in them! and they will never forget it!
And I'll tell you something else about romanticism; a lot of brethren don't understand
what romanticism is, for them they feel that it's an integral part, a related part of the
physical culmination in marriage. So it is! but I'll tell you what most males don't
understand, it is in another sense, very separate, as a separate entity, as far as married
life is concerned. And especially is it true of the woman! Brethren talk to each other of
their weaknesses, and they all express the same thought, that those of us by nature are
ordinary men, and they find it difficult to live without their partners. And most of them are
talking about the culmination of married life. Brethren, women find life empty and
desolate without romanticism! To them, life's a desert, and there are women who have
warm passionate husbands, who eat their heart out for a flower, a kiss, a kind word, a
remembrance of an anniversary, to be told at the age of 65 that they are the most
beautiful woman in the world; and all those things go to make up what life is for a
woman, so very, very wonderful! And that, brethren, is a classic mistake which we
make! Most women are incurably romantic, they are by nature, and you'll never find,
look, I defy man to show me a woman who is entirely devoid of it, because she can't
help it. And you will find the happiest marriages are those where the husband is
thoughtful in that regard!
And what do you find, you witness the partnership that you know and see and will see,
in life; you watch our young people getting around together. Why, they are so romantic
that we've got to go around pulling them apart! some of them, far too romantic far too
early! Why is it, brethren, that we have to cease to be that way when we're married?
Where do you find it? Well, people say, 'ah, well they're married; they don't show their
feelings in public'! Why can't we show our feelings in public with our wives? Why can't
we hold hands? why can't we speak in front of others in her presence, that she's the
most gorgeous creature that we've ever laid our eyes on? Why can't we tell people that?
Why can't we give her a feeling that she is ours and for us? It may be, brethren, that
we'll come home, not to find her head all done up in pins, but out and combed because
we are the one she's going to impress above everyone else, because we're the one that
notices her the most! Brethren who complain about their wives being dowdy and their
hair all done up for other occasions other than for them, have themselves to blame!
because if she can't get a response to her romanticism from you, she will get it from
someone, because she craves for that! That has created enormous problems! I can see
it before my eyes as I see, in my home and in other homes, I see that yearning in
womankind for that, and how much happier and greater that marriage would be, if that
was demonstrated!
Look, b&s, wait till you hear bro. Paul on the Song of Solomon, I won't refer to anything
that he's going to say, he'll tell you all about it, but no doubt Paul will bring out of that
book, the romantic facts of that book, and see what that bride and that bridegroom do
for each other, and the things that are said in that book, which a lot of men, in their
aggressiveness and their manhood and maturity and in the culmination of their
marriage, would consider to be sappy; well, a woman doesn't consider it to be sappy!
She thinks it's very vital to her, and this is something that I think we've got to try and
cultivate in our lives and as we go on in life, as old as we get, it is something that is
altogether lovely to behold, and there are, in our ecclesial circles, some very old
brethren and sisters. Some in the twilight of their life, who are wonderfully romantic and
their marriages are some of the most wonderful marriages, and the families that have
followed them, are happy and contented and wonderful. Now these are the things, b&s,
I think we ought to consider as far as the scriptures are concerned; if we're going to
come here and talk about marriage, whether we can get divorced and remarried again,
they're not issues! The issue is that God said by creation, one man, one woman; that's
all we need to know, we've got to get on, that's the Creator's opinion. There is no
question of break-up, there is no question of leaving one another, that's out of the
question! The question is, how are we going to make our marriages, not only stick, but
be happy in them! And, of course, we have our inhibitions by nature, some of us are
warm and outgoing and we can express our feelings, others can't, they just can't; we've
got to make up for that! We've all got to recognize that, and we've got to make our
adjustments, and to use our God-given intelligence and create an atmosphere in our
homes that is altogether lovely.
And there are many, many things we can say, bro. David, about married life; I hope,
b&s, in the few things that we have said, that we might have opened up some subjects
in your minds, if there is any questions or discussions now, we would be very pleased to
hear it! But if you've felt this has been worthwhile, we will be quite prepared to continue
this next Wednesday evening, which has been planned, and to talk about some of the
other aspects of married life and in relation particularly, to young people and what we
must do as an ecclesia. But may we just conclude with a few words of warning, that if
we don't, then we're going to face, I believe, dissolution in our ecclesial life. The world
admits that the family is the sub-stratum of society, well, if the head of the family breaks
down, the husband and wife relationship breaks down, there's nothing left is there, if
that breaks up? We've got a tremendous responsibility to each other; you know, b&s,
I'm not very old, really I'm not, and I come from a generation which I suppose isn't much
different from the younger generation of today. It's people like my mother and
father-in-law with whom we had an evening last night at our place, they're the ones who
can talk to you about life! And we were speaking over this matter together, I did it quite
deliberately because I appreciate the words of wisdom that come from older brethren
and sisters. And the things that they told me then, were things that I'm telling you now,
and some other things they said to me. But one thing was very plain, as far as they
were concerned, they were absolutely horrified out of all proportions, as to what is going
on today! They can't understand it, as older people, they just don't grip that; why?
because they lived in a better world. There was a better society surrounding them, and
that better society acts as a governing principle of which the truth, of course, only
embellished and made greater. And we're living in a society where young people say,
'Yes, uncle John, I know what you're saying is right' but they don't know what I'm saying
is right, because they cannot understand that; they don't understand the ancient
principles; and as young as I claim to be, I don't claim to be old, I can remember, b&s,
my early days in the truth, that if we were to hear of a married couple breaking up, it
would be almost, as if someone committed murder. The shock would go through the
ecclesial world, everyone would be talking about it in horrified terms; but today, it's the
order of the day! And it's happening with such rapidity that we're becoming also immune
to it, and therein lies a great danger and we've got to get our minds back to a state
where we can think soberly about this, and strongly about it. And I say, let's get back to
the very beginning, 'in the beginning, He made one man for one woman'; and every time
you see a marriage break up you think to yourself, there is someone tearing creation
apart! What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder; they are endeavouring
to tear creation apart; that's how strong is the teaching of our Lord in relation to His
heavenly Father's attitude to marriage. If we can get back, b&s, to seeing the
seriousness of that situation, then we're doing, I think, a great service to the cause of
the truth.
QUESTION PERIOD:
Q. (was inaudible)
A. I have two things to say about that, having listened carefully to what you were saying;
you see, you're just expressing really, some of the things that arise in these problems.
The human behaviour is the same, I can answer your questions because you're
expressing a couple of thoughts there, which come readily to my mind. What you're
saying is this, that you don't even know if you might have problems, do you? You take
for example the question of romanticism, the last one I raised, now a woman may never,
ever express to her husband how she feels. You may not know how she feels; I can
think now, immediately in the back of my mind, a young couple that I know, that I've
already warned about this aspect of things, that the fellow thinks his wife is a very happy
little girl and that she loves him and she does; but I can see that unless there's a change
of attitude, that the resentment could build up, because I know what she's missing! but
he doesn't know what she's missing, because as a young aggressive male, he doesn't
understand romanticism. He thinks that was fulfilled in marriage, it wasn't to her, and of
course, until you find that out, and you change your tune and start to speak nicely and
kindly and lovely to your wife, she may not tell you that she's missing that, but if she's a
woman, she is! If she isn't, she flew to Mars! But if she's a woman she's missing that,
now that's the first point.
Now you say, 'How do you go about correcting that?' Well, it's the old word of
'communication', isn't it? Talking to each other, and this is a very difficult thing, it raises
another problem; I'm going to say something now that I think is an observable fact of
life, which I probably will get it in the neck over this, but it's an observable fact in life,
that in the case of communication, the woman has no ability almost at all, to accept
criticism from the one she loves because she's romantic! And it is very, very difficult to
even objectively criticize one's wife because she's incurably romantic and because she
cannot accept that from the one she loves! She will accept it from mom, her dad, her
brothers, her sisters, her nieces and nephews, anyone, but from me or you, we're the
ones that are suppose to love her, and in her heart she finds that difficult. So when
we're talking about communication, be very careful how you communicate to your dear
wife. Remember this, that she's judging everything that you say, not so much from an
objective point of view, whether it's right or wrong or whether she's guilty or not guilty,
but as to whether you really love her or you don't! Now she's incurable in that respect.
So therefore, I say, we all ought to know the facts about our wives, they are romantic
and have a right to be scripturally speaking. They need that tender affection, something
a woman can have in life as a separate entity, quite apart from any of the culmination of
married life; she's got that precious little treasure to herself, we need to understand
that's her need, and if we have to get that out of her by some method of communication,
then be very careful how you do it! because you're the one she loves, and she wants to
hear from you that which of course, will only go to embellish that romanticism which is in
her. And this is a fact of life!
Look brethren, you can say to me, 'I'm being too emotional and sissy'; I'm telling you
about facts of life, I'm telling you about tragedies, I'm telling you about tears I've seen
because women crave that, I know they do! I remember when Paul (I don't know if he's
here tonight, I'm probably telling stories that I shouldn't) but I remember he and I were
coming home one night from having to go out and see a brother and sister about their
martial problems. I remember Paul telling them about this, what I'm telling you now, and
us saying to each other in the car, 'gee, aren't we hypocrites'! but we were saying how
that we both felt like what we were saying to this other couple was so powerful, that
there was a great need for it in our own lives! We can tell others, we can see that as an
observable fact of life, but very difficult sometimes you know, the aggressive male with
his objectivity in life, to stop for a little romanticism! and you know, here we were in the
car confessing our ills and our sins to each other, but knowing full well, that was the
problem in that marriage; it's a question of communication, isn't it?
You know, you see brethren and sisters who are obviously in love, some of them
middle-aged people who you just observe in life, are obviously in love! And you have a
look at the factors, just observe what factors are in their life, to make them in love and
you'll find the factors that I have mentioned. It's a positive thing in their life and that
makes their lives very, very happy; and they don't care what you think of either of them,
either! They don't care whether you think that the husband doesn't care whether you
think that his wife lords it over him, and the wife doesn't care if you think that the wife
doesn't love her husband. They know! and they're oblivious to your attitude, because
their attitude towards each other is like that, and you're not going to come between them
one way or the other! And there are marriages in our meeting, and I thank God that
there are many of them, walking around this hall, that are very, very happy! because
these factors which I've been talking about are in those marriages!