Download Effective Communication, Feedback, and Listening

Effective Communication, Feedback, and Listening
Table of Contents
· Introduction
· The Communication Process
· Sources of Noise in Communication
· Constructive Communications: Listening and Feedback Skills
· Why managers are often reluctant to provide feedback
· Theories in Action: The Chris Argyris model of Communication
Introduction
As we progress through our careers, the nature of the skills that are critical to our success
changes dramatically. For many of us we are first responsible for performing specific tasks,
often technical in nature. Our success is dependent on individual expertise, actions, and
contributions. Technical proficiency is often enough.
But as we continue to progress, technical competence will not be enough (Hill, 1996) Your
success will depend more and more on your interpersonal skills and your ability to develop
effective work relationships with key individuals. Managerial jobs involve complex webs of
relationships with people who make constant demands, often conflicting and ambiguous
demands. A manager's job involves reconciling these conflict expectations. Not surprisingly,
interpersonal skills and coflict resolution skills rank among the most critical for managerial
success.
This note will discuss the key components of the communication process and the basic skills
required for effective communication.
A Case Study
Consider the following interaction between Brian and Susan. This took place in Brian's office
with Brian behind his desk and Susan opposite him. The unstated thoughts are in italics.
Brian: Susan, I want to thank you for all of your contributions this past year. You've worked hard and achieved a lot.
Susan: (Without conviction) Thanks. I have worked hard. It's nice to be recognized. (He's reading a script. But then so am
I.)
Brian: (With a sense of resignation) (You get plenty of praise but its never enough for you.) Yes. Let's go through the
assessment together. Feel free to stop me and ask questions if there is anything that you want clarified or wish to discuss in
more detail.
Susan: Fine. I have a lot of work today so let's go (Let's get this over with. Ooops, I forgot my script.)
Brian: (Stiffly)(She's closing down. She doesn't want to hear this and she's not going to accept my feedback openly.) Well, I
hope you find this helpful. Are you feeling uncomfortable about this for some reason?
Susan: (Stiffly) No. I don't know. It's fine. I never find these things very motivating. (You don't like these any more than I
do; you think you are managing and your boss makes you do this.This guy used to be Dilbert's boss.)
Brian: (Uncomfortably) There's plenty to be proud of here. But it's also important to recognize the areas where you can
develop further. I know you really want to be promoted, so its important that you know where you stand and what's required
to get to the next level. There shouldn't be any suppress here. (You only want to hear that you're great, you're promoted,
here's a big raise. You can't deal with your weaknesses.)
Susan: (in a confronting tone) Oh, I know. I just feel that your standards are so high that they're unattainable. (I was here
before you came and I'll be here after you leave-what a waste)
Brian: (I can't believe I have to listen to this again. Other people meet my standards and while they are high, I feel they are
definitely attainable.) Let's get on with the review and we discuss my expectations as part of the review.
(interview continues along these lines)
The above interaction was frustrating for both people involved. Certainly not all interactions
end up this way but with people in organizations typically spending over 75% of their time in
an interpersonal interactions, a very large proportion of problems in organizations are
communication problems.
Despite the tremendous development in information technology, it might be surprising to find
out that at the root of many organization and management problems are simple
communications breakdowns. But this should not really be that surprising. We are basically
social animals and no matter how "bureaucratic" an organization, no matter how much
communications have "gone digital," interpersonal interactions can never be totally separated
from personal feelings, styles, preferences that we bring to any of our human interactions.
As social animals many of our greatest joys and most intense sorrows, highest peaks and
deepest valleys, occur in relationships with others. For many of us a large proportion of our
interactions take place in our organizational or professional lives. While we may not bring the
exact same needs to both personal and professional setting, many of our basic needs such as
achievement, recognition, respect, power, and control are as likely to affect interactions at
work as well as in our personal lives.
Consequently, our personal life and our organizational life as well depend on our skills in
interpersonal behavior and communication. We can never separate our personal "self" from
our professional "self." We may work on organizational tasks but we never work only on
organizational tasks; we also work on whatever personal and social needs are important to us.
From the above example, neither Brian nor Susan is obtaining satisfactory responses from the
other. Both are leaving the interaction feeling frustrated and this interaction will very likely
result in lower performance on Susan's part, possibly even less effective management on
Brian's part, and overall lower organizational effectiveness. Multiply this kind of interaction
by the many that occur both formally and informally in any group or organization, and one
can see how damaging ineffective communication can be for an organization. And this
interaction is only between two people; many interactions involve many more and the
opportunity for breakdown multiplies geometrically.
Effective communication occurs when the intended meaning of the source and perceived
meaning of the receiver are the same. This should be your goal but it is hard to achieve.
Organizations use a wide variety of channels for communication. Effective communication
depends on a good understanding of all these channels
In this chapter we will cover the basic process of communication focusing mostly on
interpersonal communication and then we will cover some of the most difficult
communication issues managers face-providing constructive and effective feedback and
performance appraisal. More specifically, we need to develop the ability to understand:
· what is really happening in an interaction?
· why do other people behave as they do?
· what can I do about it?
The Communication Process
Although all of us have been communicating with others since our infancy, the process of
transmitting information from an individual (or group) to another is a very complex process
with many sources of potential breakdown
Brian has an intended message in his mind. We can't tell completely what he has in mind but
it appears he would like to improve both her performance and her attitude. The very nature of
such an intended message has a huge potential for error since such a message touches on the
ego of Brian and his sense of how own skill as a communicator and manager. The message is
likely also to touch on Susan's sense of self as a person and employee. The issues of power
and control hang over this entire communication from both sides.
Brian's background and past experiences are going to play a major role here. We don't
know what kind of organizational pressures Brian is under. Perhaps Brian is being forced to
"crack down" on lower performers. Perhaps Brian is under pressure to get productivity up.
Maybe Brian is being forced to produce more work in his group with fewer resources. All of
these pressures may manifest themselves in this communication.
Brian apparently has had previous experience with Susan and this will play a big part in this
interaction. If Brian has experienced "failure" with Susan before, his frustration may show up
in this interaction. Brian's sense of self, his sense of his own competence and skill as a person,
communicator, and manager will play a major role in this interaction. It is clear from the
transcript that Brian senses that his failure here is at odds with his self-impression as a
communicator and manager.
Brian has to encode his intended message into words, tone, inflection, facial expression, and
body language. It is critical to note that Brian is not likely himself to be aware of all of his
complex needs, and hidden motivations that are likely to show up in this interaction. He will
not have total control over the interaction and no doubt will communicate some unintended
messages along with his intended ones. For example, it is likely that control is an issue here
and while he may not intend to communicate power and control, it will be hard for him to
avoid this issue if he is feeling frustrated with Susan.
Furthermore, if this is an issue, Susan will "hear" this issue no matter what Brian says and
how he says it.
We can't tell from the printed transcription how Brian actually encoded his message. We can
read the actual content, but we can only learn a little about the non-verbal aspects of
communication such as the facial expression and other aspects that are so important to a
communication.
In just the first part of this conversation we have seen a huge potential for problems. Brian has
a very complex message to convey, some of which is conscious and some of which is
unconscious. The message is very complex because it touches on his self image and it touches
on the other person's self image. We can see from the transcript that in many places the words
are in conflict with the tone and body language. For example, Brian acts "stiffly" when he is
trying to convey a message of support and friendliness. Susan will much more likely read the
message contained in "stiffly" and not the words. She will hardly hear the words at all. It will
be hard for Brian to hide his "true" message.
From Susan's side, she has to "perceive" and "decode" all of this information from Brian. This
involves perception and her perceptions will be biased in terms of her needs, past experiences
with Brian, past experiences with people she associates with Brian, such as bosses in general.
She will distort incoming information (as he does) in ways that fit her needs, expectations,
and self-image.
For example, consider Brian's comment "Let's go through this together." This could mean a
wide variety of things. Brian could actually intend an open collegial, non-judgmental
interaction, but Susan certainly doesn't hear this message if this is what is intended. She has
appeared to "read" Brian's body language more than the words. She "hears" negative feedback
coming. It appears she is right too.
It is possible to conclude that this interaction actually was effective in the sense that Brian
actually did communicate effectively here. With the combination of his words and body
language, he pretty accurately communicated what was in his head and Susan heard this
"message" pretty well. Conversely, Susan effectively communicated her feelings about this
interview and her boss. He had little trouble understanding what she was really saying and
similarly she had little trouble understanding his true message.
This was clearly a painful and unpleasant interaction for both sides. Possibly, this company
forces this interaction to take place with neither side going into it expecting anything positive
coming out. Given these conditions, this is an interaction that has little possibility of positive
outcome and a substantial likelihood of a negative outcome as happened.
Consider another example
Terry: I won't make it to work again tomorrow; this
Boss: Terry this is the third day you've missed and
pregnancy makes me nauseous and my doctor says I
your appointments keep backing up; we have to
should be given such a heavy workload and should
cover for you and this is messing all of us up.
probably be reduced to part time
Looking at the example, Terry has what appears to be a simple message to convey-she won't
make it to work today because of nausea. But she had to translate the thoughts into words.
The message is not really as simple as it appears because it appear Terry is aggrieved that her
employer has not been as caring as she thinks it should be. The boss's reaction reinforces this
feeling.
And this is the first potential source of error. Was she just trying to convey that she would be
late; was she trying to convey anything else. It turns out she was. She was upset because she
perceived that her co-workers weren't as sympathetic to her situation as they should be. Her
co-workers, however, were really being pressured by Terry's continued absences, and her late
calls. They wished she would just take a leave of absence, but Terry refuses because she
would have to take it without pay.
Thus what appears to be a simple communication is, in reality, quite complex. Terry is
communicating far more than that she would miss work; she is conveying a number of
complex emotions, complicated by her own complex feelings about pregnancy, work, and her
future.
The Intended Communication: The message Terry is sending is very complex even to the
degree that she herself probably doesn't totally understand all that she is conveying. Her
message is a mix of content, attitude, expectation, feeling, and emotion.
She had to "encode" all of this and she probably did it imperfectly since it involves a mix of
words, tone, facial
expression, body language, and timing.
The Received Communication: Even if she did this "encoding" very well, this in itself
wouldn't ensure that her boss would "decode" it accurately. He would have to interpret the
complex mix of words and non-verbal messages she is sending. There are many ways to
decode the simple message that Terry gave and the way the message is heard will influence
the response to Terry.
In this case the boss heard far more than a simple message that Terry won't be at work today.
The boss "heard" hostility from Terry, indifference, lack of consideration, among other
emotions. Terry may not have meant this, but this is what the boss heard.
Communications is so difficult because at each step in the process there major potential for
error. By the time a message gets from a sender to a receiver there are four basic places where
transmission errors can take place and at each place, there are a multitude of potential sources
of error. Thus it is no surprise that social psychologists estimate that there is usually a 40-60%
loss of meaning in the transmission of messages from sender to receiver.
"Noise" in Communication
In the two examples we have seen that we have to be aware of a large number of factors that
affect communication accuracy and effectiveness. There are a wide number of sources of
noise or interference that can enter into the communication process. This can even occur when
people know each other. The following lists some of the common sources of "noise" in
communication.
Perceptual Biases: People respond to stimuli in the environment in very different ways. We
each have shortcuts that we use to organize data. Invariably, these shortcuts introduce some
biases into communication. Some of these shortcuts include stereotyping, projection, and selffulfilling prophecies. Stereotyping is one of the most common. This is when we assume that
the other person has certain characteristics based on the group to which they belong, without
validating that they in fact have these characteristics. In our first case Susan has strong
perceptional biases towards anything Brian might say to her; Brian is probably doing the same
thing.
Past Experiences: How we perceive communication is affected by the past experience with
the individual. Susan's behavior towards Brian was strongly affected by her past experience
with him and with other bosses in the past. Similarly, Brian's behavior is heavily a function of
his perception of his past experiences with Susan.
Cultural Differences: Effective communication requires deciphering the basic values,
motives, aspirations, and assumptions of the other person. Given some dramatic differences
across cultures in approaches to such areas as time, space, and privacy, the opportunities for
mis-communication while we are in cross-cultural situations are plentiful.
Language: The choice of words or language in which a sender encodes a message will
influence the quality of communication. Because language is a symbolic representation of a
phenomenon, room for interpretation and distortion of the meaning exists. In the above
example, the Boss uses language (this is the third day you've missed) that is likely to convey
far more than objective information. To Terry it conveys indifference to her medical
problems.
Note that the same words will be interpreted different by each different person. Meaning has
to be given to words and many factors affect how an individual will attribute meaning to
particular words. It is important to note that no two people will attribute the exact same
meaning to the same words.
Nonverbal Communication: The use of gestures, movements, facial expressions, and space
can clarify or confuse the meaning of verbal communication. In the first example, both Brian's
and Susan's used body language (facial expression, tone, etc.) that were at odds with the
words being used. The receiver has to deal with these contradictions and the result can often
be something different than the intended message.
A word of warning. Nonverbal cues can differ dramatically from culture to culture. An
American hand gesture
meaning `A-OK" would be viewed as obscene in some South American countries. Be careful.
Defensiveness and related processes such as distorted perceptions, guilt, project, transference,
distortions from the past, self-fulfilling assumptions and selective hearing
Other Factors include distrusted source, erroneous translation, value judgment, state of mind
of two people
Added Noise in a Work Situation
In a work setting, noise is even more common since interactions involve people who not only
don't have years of experience with each other, but communication is complicated by the
complex and often conflictual relationships that exist at work.
The following suggests a number of sources of noise one finds commonly in work situations
· defensiveness, distorted perceptions, guilt, project, transference, distortions from the past
· misreading of body language, tone
· noisy transmission (unreliable messages, inconsistency)
· receiver distortion: selective hearing, ignoring non-verbal cues
· power struggles
· organizational relationships
· self-fulfilling assumptions
· language- different levels of meaning
· managers' and subordinates' hesitation to be candid
· assumptions-eg. assuming others see situation same as you, has same feelings as you
· distrusted source, erroneous translation, value judgment, state of mind of two people
· physical distractions (interruptions such as phone calls)
Constructive Communications: Listening Skills
Effective listening can occur at a rate of 500 words per minute but normal speech occurs at
125-250 words per minute allowing the listener to dewll on many other things like attitudes,
biases, personal needs, or last night's ball game. The way we use this "free time" is a major
barrier to communication.
Effective communication is very dependent on effective listening, something many of us are
quite poor at. The purpose of effective listening is to convey interest and respect for the other
person; this is crucial if we are to have any ability to help solve problems and satisfy the other
person's needs and goals as well as our own. Constructive feedback depends on a wide range
of skills including listening skills and feedback skills.
Why are many of us so poor at listening. The following list identifies some of the major
barriers to effective listening
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Barriers to Listening
forming a judgment or evaluation before we understand what is being
said
making unjustified inferences about the meaning of what is being said
attributing our own thoughts and ideas to the speaker causing distortion
being inattentive
having a closed mind
hearing what we wish to hear
fear of being changed ourselves
excessive and incessant talking
So what are the keys to effective listening. The following list highlights some of the keys:
Active Listening Skills
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Stop talking- listen openly and with empathy to the other person
Try not to be defensive
Look at the person; be patient
Ask the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; paraphrase what the other is
saying to make sure you understand it and check for understanding
Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the employee's
concern
attend to non-verbal cues, body language, not just words; pay attention to both emotional
and cognitive messages (eg. anger)
stay in an active body state to aid listening; fight distractions; use eye contact, encouraging
gestures
Ask the other for his views or suggestions
maintain the self confidence and self-esteem of the other person
lead by example
(at work) take notes; decide on a specific follow-up action and date
Balancing Inquiry and Advocacy (based on the work of Argyris and Senge)
Most of us are trained to be advocates; we are rewarded for being problem solvers, for
figuring out what should be done, and influencing others to adopt our ideas. Inquiry skills,
the ability to ask questions, is a fairly undeveloped skill for many of us. But as managerial
problems get more complex, we find that we must do a better job of balancing inquiry and
advocacy. This is not easy for many of us who find it uncomfortable to encourage others to
critique our arguments.
Example of Advocacy: We are being too conservative. Can't we grow market share faster
than that..."
Typical Response: "I disagree,... let me state my argument again..."
Possible Inquiry: "Can you give me an example of what you mean" or "Can you share with
me the data you are using to support that conclusion?"
Being a good advocate: make your reasoning explicit; encourage others to explore your
views; acknowledge weaknesses in your points; actively inquire into others' views that differ
from yours
When Inquiring into others' views: if you are making assumptions about their views, state
your assumptions; state the basis on which your assumptions are made; don't bother asking
questions if you don't mean it.
When you arrive at an impasse: ask what data or logic might change their views; ask if
there is any way you might jointly design an experiment that might provide new information
When you or others are hesitant to express your views or experiment with alternative
ideas: encourage them or yourself to think out loud about what might be making it difficult; if
there is a mutual desire to do so, jointly brainstorm ideas about overcoming barriers
from Peter Senge, The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization, Doubleday, New
York, 1990.
Feedback Skills
It is easy to give positive feedback to people doing well, or in general to give information that
people want to hear. Most of us do this pretty well. It is giving negative feedback or
information people don't want to hear that is far more problematic, of course. Feedback taps
basic human needs-to improve, to compete, to be accurate; people want to be competent.
Feedback can be reinforcing; if given properly, feedback is almost always appreciated and
motivates people to improve. But for many people, daily work is like bowling with a curtain
placed between them and the pins; they receive little information.
The following identifies some characteristics of effective feedback: effective feedback is...
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the "giver" must be clear about motives : too often we think we are providing feedback when we are
really letting off anger or trying to exert control; it should take into account the needs of both the
receiver and giver of feedback. It should be given to help, not to hurt. We too often give feedback
because it makes us feel better or gives us a psychological advantage.
problem oriented, not people oriented: feedback should focus on issues, not the person since the
individual usually has little control over personality. It is important that we refer to what a person does
rather than to what we think he is. Thus we might say that a person "talked more than anyone else in
this meeting" rather than that he is a "loud-mouth."
specific rather than general; simple, not overwhelming; the receiver must be able to do something about
the problem if they choose to; make sure examples of the behavior are recent
descriptive, not evaluative: people more readily receive information if the sender describes shat
happened and communicates the personal effect it had, as opposed to evaluating its goodness or
badness, rightness or wrongness.
validating, not invalidating; it is important to acknowledge the other person's uniqueness and
importance
supportive and open to hear new and possibly disconfirming information; tone of voice, facial
expression, choice of words is crucial here since tone can go a long way to indicate that B cares about
A
owned, not disowned ; use "I have a problem with your work", not "others have been complaining"
matches words with deeds: make sure your body language and tone don't contradict the words ; given
directly and with real feeling
checked with others to support its validity; the other person must understand what has been said and
be willing and able to accept it
helpful to the receiver and directed toward behavior which the receiver can do something about. A
person gets frustrated when reminded of some shortcoming over which he has no control. Ideally
feedback should be solicited, not imposed
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Feedback is useful when well-timed (soon after the behavior-depending, of course, on the person's
readiness to hear it, support available from others, and so forth). Excellent feedback presented at an
inappropriate time may do more harm than good.
accurate: not surprisingly, people will not want to hear negative information especially if it is incorrect
involves sharing of information, rather than giving advice allowing a person to decide for himself, in
accordance with his own goals and needs. When we give advice we tell him what to do, and to some
degree take away his freedom to do decide for himself.
It involves the amount of information the receiver can use rather than the amount we would like to
give. To overload a person with feedback is to reduce the possibility that he may be able to use what he
receives effectively. When we give more than can be used, we are more often than not satisfying some
need of our own rather than helping the other person.
Summarizing the keys to Supportive Communication, the following gives some
examples.
Problem oriented-not person oriented
not
"Because of you there is a problem."
"How can we solve this problem?"
Congruent, not incongruent
"Do I seem upset? No, everything's
not
"Your behavior really upset me."
fine."
Descriptive, not Evaluative
"You are wrong for doing what you
"Here is what happened; here is my reaction; here is
not
did."
what I suggest that would be more acceptable to me."
Validating, Not Invalidating
"You wouldn't understand, so we'll do
not
"I have some ideas, but do you have any suggestions."
it my way."
Specific, not global
"You're always trying to get
not
"You interrupted me three times during the meeting."
attention."
Conjunctive, not disjuncctive
"I want to discuss this (regardless of
not
"Relating to what you just said, I'd like to discuss this."
what you want to discuss."
Owned, not disowned
"You have a pretty good idea, but
not
"I've decided to turn down your request because..."
they just wouldn't approve it."
Supportive Listening, not One-Way Listening
As I said before, you make too many
"What do you think are the obstacles standing in the
not mistakes. You're just not doing the
way of improvement
job."
Defensiveness and Disconfirmation
Supportive communication can create feelings of support, understanding and helpfulness.
Failure to follow these principles often results in both defensiveness and disconfirmation
Defensiveness results when one feels threatened or punished and ends up the following kinds
of outcomes:
· one individual feels threatened
· self-protection becomes very important
· energy is spent on constructing a defense rather than on listening
· aggression, anger, competitiveness, and/or avoidance are common reactions
Another barrier that is created is disconfirmation which results when a person feels put down,
ineffectual, or insignificant because of the communication. The outcomes are often:
· attempts to reestablish self-worth take precedence
· energy is spent trying to portray self-importance rather than on listening.
· Showing off, self-centered behavior, withdrawal, and or loss of motivation are common
reactions
Coaching and Counseling Problems
Failure to distinguish between these two kinds of problems can create real difficulties in
communication. So it might help to distinguish between two different kinds of communication
situations.
Coaching problems are those in which managers must pass along advice, information, or set
standards for subordinates. Problems in this area usually are caused by lack of ability,
insufficient information or understanding, and/or incompetence on the part of subordinates. In
this case the subordinate must get very clear information.
In a counseling situation, the problems are usually more involving attitudes, personality
clashes, defensiveness, or other factors tied to emotions. Here competency may not be the
issue.
If a manager takes a "coaching" approaches to a problem that is mainly attitude (counseling)
and involves a person who doesn't acknowledge that there is a problem, the individual is only
likely to get more defensive.
Of course, many problems involve both coaching and counseling. Frequently managers have
to give direction and advice (coaching) as well as help facilitate understanding and
willingness to change (counseling).
Both kinds of problems require similar skills in communication
A Planning list for Preparing for a Discussion
· what do you want to accomplish in this discussion
· what specific information do you need to learn; what questions do you need
answered
· what issues of timing, location, advance preparation, or other logistics do you need
to consider
· note the basic principles of communication
In giving feedback it is important to use the following techniques
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state the constructive purpose of the feedback ("Charlie, I'm upset about some things you say about
production control in scheduling meetings; it is important to me that we talk about it.")
Give the other person an opportunity to respond: try "what do you think"
focus on what is said and done, not why. The "why" involves assumptions regarding motive or intent
and this tends to alienate the person generate resentment, suspicion, and distrust. If we are uncertain of
his motives or intent, this uncertainty itself is feedback, however, and should be revealed.
Check to insure clear communication. One way of doing this is to have the receiver try to rephrase
the feedback. No matter what the intent, feedback is often threatening and thus subject to considerable
distortion or misinterpretation.
· check to determine degree of agreement from others. Such "consensual validation" is of value to both
the sender and receiver.
Pay a lot of attention to the consequences of the feedback. The supervisor needs to become acutely
aware of the effects of his feedback.
Be ready to receive feedback yourself while avoiding defensiveness; the information may be valuable
ask for clarification, summarize, check for accuracy, listen carefully; mentally note questions;
paraphrase what you have heard
It is an important step toward authenticity. Constructive feedback opens the way to a relationship
which is built on trust, honest, and genuine concern and mutual growth.
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offers specific suggestions
Why managers are often reluctant to provide feedback
As important as feedback is, this critical managerial task remains one of the most problematic.
Many managers would rather have root canal work than provide feedback to anotherespecially feedback that might be viewed as critical. Why are managers so reluctant to
provide feedback? The reasons are many:
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fear of the other person's reaction; people can get very defensive and emotional when
confronted with feedback and many managers are very fearful of the reaction
the feedback may be based on subjective feeling and the manager may be unable to
give concrete information if the other person questions the basis for the feedback;
the information on which the feedback is based (eg. performance appraisal) may be a
very flawed process
Coach vs. Judge: many managers would prefer to being a supportive coach than judge;
feedback often forces a change in the relationship from friend to friend to parent-child. Some
have called this "playing God."
Theories in Action
Chris Argyris has conducted research for decades on the problems of interpersonal
competence as a basic managerial skill. He found that managers' effectiveness is often
impaired because they are overcontrolling, excessively competitive, uncomfortable with
feelings, and closed to ideas other than their own.
Argyris and Schon (1974) carried the issue further by arguing that we are controlled by our
"theories for action;" these are assumptions and ideas about the nature of effective action.
These "theories" that we hold determine our behavior. They further found that there was a
wide gap between what people said they did (espoused theory) versus what they actually did
(theories in use). Managers would see themselves as rational, open, concerned for others, and
democratic yet their behavior was often dominated by competition, control, and selfprotection.
Argyris and Schon found that most managers have a self-protective model of interpersonal
behavior stemming from a perception that resources are scarce, and competition and conflict
are critical. They called this a "mystery-mastery" approach where managers get what they
want while protecting themselves. The approach will:
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assume the problem is caused by the other person
develop a private unilateral diagnosis and solution
since the other person is the cause of the problem get him or her to change using either
facts, logic, and rational persuasion
involve indirect influence such as asking leading questions, manipulating the other
person
direct critique-tell the other person what he or she is doing wrong and how he or she
should change
if the other person resists or becomes defensive, that confirms the original diagnosis

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respond to resistance through some combination of intensifying pressure, protecting
the other person, and rejecting the other person
if your efforts are unsuccessful, or less successful than hoped, it is the other's fault
They suggest the following guidelines as an alternative way of achieving interpersonal
effectiveness:
· emphasize common goals and mutual influence
· communicate openly and publicly
· test assumptions and beliefs
· combine advocacy (eg. communicate what the person thinks, knows, wants) with inquiry
(learn what the other wants
Appendix 1: Reading Nonverbal Communication Cues
A large percentage (studies suggest over 90%) of the meaning we derive from
communication, we derive from non-verbal cues that the other person gives. Often a person
says one thing but communicates something totally different through vocal intonation and
body language. These mixed signals force the receiver to choose between the verbal and nonverbal parts of the message. Most often, the receiver chooses the non-verbal aspects. Mixed
messages create tension and distrust because the receiver senses that the communicator is
hiding something or is being less than candid.
Nonverbal communication consists of:
· visual: body language including facial expression, eye movement, posture, gestures. The
face is the biggest part. All of us "read" people's faces for ways to interpret what they say and
feel. Think about dealing with someone with sunglasses. These visual cues can easily be
misread especially when dealing with someone from another culture
· tactile: touching imparts a lot of information; examples include handshake, a pat on the
back, or a hug
· vocal: the meaning of words can be altered significantly by changing the intonation of one's
voice; think about how many ways you can say "no"
· use of time, space, and image
Appendix 2: Three Kinds of Interviews
Tell and Sell
Tell and Listen
· fits when judgment of superior
acceptable to subordinate, when
sub. has ability to change and
desired objectives are
obtainable
· most effective for new
employees
· objectives-communicate
employee's evaluation as
accurately as possible; gain
employee acceptance of
evaluation;
· most important skill is
persuasion
· can expect some defensive
reaction; since sup must be
judge
· can be difficult if
inappropriate behavior is
attractive to subordinate
· often ineffective approach
· this method encourages
behavior focused toward
pleasing supervisor rather than
best thinking
Problem Solving
· fits same conditions as left
· objective is to communicate
accurately; give chance to
respond
· there will be defensiveness;
listening skills critical; active
listening needed; defensive
behavior is reduced; if boss is
effective motivator, can induce
feelings of acceptance
· can be joint problem solving;
· supervisor may change
· risk that subordinate may be
satisfied but with no plan to
improve job
· supervisor no longer judge, but helper; not
diagnosing and supplying remedies
· sup. must be willing to accept ideas for job
improvement
· must concentrate on situation, not individual
· goal is to develop employee
· skills needed- skillful questioning; skillful
communicator
· employee will think constructively if he
perceives opportunity to influence process
· subordinate will likely feel some increased
job satisfaction; but superior may sacrifice
some control
· failure if subordinate doesn't respond to this
method
Appendix 3: Five Modes of Conflict Resolution
Very Assertive
Competing
Collaborating
Compromising
Avoiding
Accommodating
Unassertive
Uncooperative .......................................................Cooperative
Competing-forcing : In this mode you pursue your own goals, regardless of other person's ;
you make first move to gain control and maximize chances of success; you prolong discussion
of issues until other tires and gives in. This is designed for win lose situation
When you might use this strategy
· when quick, decisive action is vital-emergencies
· important issues where unpopular but vital actions necessary; when you know you are right
· against people who take advantage of noncompetitive behavior
Accommodating : In this mode you offer to handle problem any way other person wants; you
go along with whatever the other person requests
When you might use this strategy
· when you find you are wrong-to allow a better position to be heard, to learn, to show your
reasonableness
· when issues are more important to others than to you-to satisfy others and maintain
cooperation
· to build social credits for later issues; when harmony important
· to minimize loss when you are outmatched and losing
· to allow subordinates to develop by learning from mistakes
Avoiding : in this mode you downplay seriousness of the problem; you tell the other person
the problem doesn't bother you and explain there is no point is trying to resolve a conflict
between two such basically different people and positions
When you might use this strategy:
· when an issue is trivial, tangential, or symptomatic
· when you perceive no chance of satisfying your concerns
· when potential disruption outweighs the benefits of resolution
· to let people cool down and regain perspective
· when gathering information supersedes immediate decisions
· when others can resolve the conflict more effectively
Compromising : In this mode you point out to the other person that if you both will make a
few concessions, the conflict can be resolved; point out that if the disagreement is to be
resolved, some sacrifices must be made by both of you
When you might use this strategy:
· when goals are important but not worth effort or potential disruption of more assertive
modes
· when opponents with equal power are committed to mutually exclusive goals
· to achieve temporary settlements to complex issues; to arrive at expedient solutions under
time pressures
· as a backup when collaboration or competition is unsuccessful
Collaborating : try to sort out where each of you stands and identify options available to
meet both parties' needs; you suggest you take your ideas and other person's ideas and put
them together to make an even more workable idea; express your concern for the differences
between you and let the other person know you want a resolution which satisfies both
When you might use this strategy
· to find an integrative solution when both sets of concerns are too important to be
compromised
· when your objective is to learn;
· to merge insights from people with different perspectives
· to gain commitment by incorporating concerns into a consensus
· to work through feelings which have interfered with a relationship
Appendix 4: A checklist for evaluating your feedback effectiveness
Before engaging in a feedback session, it might be helpful to answer these questions





what is your purpose in giving the feedback
what specific actions do you want to reinforce or correct? What are the consequences
of the action?
what suggestions might be helpful?
What pitfalls might occur during this interview?
How do you plan to overcome the pitfalls?
After the interview you might address these issues







did the feedback accomplish your purposes
what specifically did you do?
what specifically were his/her reactions and your reactions
did you follow the principles of supportive communication
where did you fall short?
how well did you focus on the situation, issue, behavior and not the person
how well did you maintain the self-esteem of the other
how well did you lead by example?
Reference: Hill, Linda, "Building Effective One-on-One Work Relationships," Harvard Business School
Technical Notes, 9-497-028, 1996.