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Transcript
Tips for Writing Theses for non-Native Speakers of English Dr. M. Kevin O Carroll BDS, MSD Fellow, American Academy of Oral and Maxillofacial Radiology Diplomate, American Board of Oral and Maxillofacial Radiology Professor Emeritus, University of Mississippi School of Dentistry International Consultant, Chiang Mai University Faculty of Dentistry Getting Started • • • • • • Blank sheet of paper Where do I begin? How am I going to write a book? Get organized Divide thesis into chapters University instructions Outline • • • • • • • Chapter Headings Sub-headings Figure Titles References Notes Comments Etc. Get Organized • Create files for each chapter of the thesis • Computer and paper files • Copies • Develop a timetable • Work with advisor • Deadlines • Starting dates Get Organized • Starting dates • “Look afar and see the end from the beginning.” Start Writing • • • • • First thing may not be in thesis But write something You will revise almost everything As you write you will improve Woodrow Wilson • Sorry for long letter • No time to write short one Things to remember • • • • • • • • You are the expert Examine unanswered question Committee will be interested Other scientists and academics Even people outside your field People without good English You must provide detail Others may want to repeat study Consult Advisor • Details on Thesis structure • Style • Etc. Personal Background • Irish - Born in Ireland • Dentist • Specialist in Oral and Maxillofacial Radiology • Academic career mostly in USA Professor Emeritus, University of Mississippi • Now International Consultant, Faculty of Dentistry, CMU Language Background • • • • • • • Irish – Celtic – 24 years English – Saxon – 53 years Latin – Roman– 5 years French – Romance – 4 years Thai – Indian & Sanskrit – 4 months Lao, Khmer, Vietnamese, Korean - ?? Chinese, Japanese - pictographs Caveat • Caveat • – Latin v. cavere, to beware • Caveat- let him beware • I am not an English teacher • I may make mistakes English • Very precise language • Very difficult to learn • • • • • Many irregular verbs Very little left to be understood Almost everything must be stated Many synonyms Differences in meaning important English Constraints • Your backgrounds may vary • Time problem • Two sessions of three hours • Thesis • Manuscripts Books • Academic Writing for Graduate Students • Swales JM, Feak CB • University of Michigan Press 1994 • Essentials of Writing Biomedical Research Papers • Zeiger M • McGraw-Hill 2000 • How To Write and publish a Scientific Paper. 4th ed • Day RA • The Oryx Press 1994 Writing • No single right way to write scientifically • The books I mentioned take different approaches • The books may suit you differently Goal of Writing • Tell a story that readers can understand? • Quintillian, a Roman rhetoritician c 100 AD: • Clear writing is incapable of being misunderstood • That is the standard to use Writing • Thesis • Chapters • Paragraphs − Sentences – Words Writing • Thesis • Chapters • Paragraphs − Sentences – Words Words • Vocabulary • Parts of speech • I must assume you have a good vocabulary • • I am going to assume you know these But we will be discussing them as we go along • • • • • • • • • Nouns Verbs Adjectives Adverbs Prepositions Conjunctions Clauses Phrases Etc. Word Choice • Guidelines • Words in research papers should be: • Precise • Simple • Necessary • Use few if any abbreviations • Do not interchange words with similar but different meanings Word Choice • Guidelines • Words in research papers should be: • Precise • Simple • Necessary • Use few if any abbreviations • Do not interchange words with similar but different meanings Word Choice Precise words • Renal blood flow was drastically compromised when the aorta was obstructed. Word Choice Precise words • Renal blood flow was drastically compromised when the aorta was obstructed. Word Choice Precise words • Renal blood flow was drastically compromised when the aorta was obstructed. • Compromise: to place at risk • Blood flow can be measured: it decreases or increases Word Choice Precise words • Renal blood flow was drastically compromised when the aorta was obstructed. • Renal blood flow was drastically decreased when the aorta was obstructed. Word Choice Precise words • Renal blood flow was drastically decreased when the aorta was obstructed. • “Drastically” is imprecise • Blood flow can be measured • Show how much it was decreased Word Choice Precise words • Renal blood flow was drastically decreased when the aorta was obstructed. • Renal blood flow was decreased by 80 % when the aorta was obstructed. Word Choice Precise words • Renal blood flow was drastically compromised when the aorta was obstructed. • Renal blood flow was decreased by 80 % when the aorta was obstructed. Word Choice Precise words • The short-circuit current remained increased for several hours. Word Choice Precise words • The short-circuit current remained increased for several hours. Word Choice Precise words • The short-circuit current remained increased for several hours. • • • • “Several” is imprecise How many is “several”? Hours can be counted or calculated Give the number of hours, the mean, or a range of hours Word Choice Precise words • The short-circuit current remained increased for several hours. • The short-circuit current remained increased for five hours. Word Choice Precise words • The change in short-circuit current produced by 10-5 M major basic protein was 85% of the maximal response to isoproterenol. A higher concentration of major basic protein would therefore probably have produced only a minimal further increase in the short-circuit current. Word Choice Precise words • The change in short-circuit current produced by 10-5 M major basic protein was 85% of the maximal response to isoproterenol. A higher concentration of major basic protein would therefore probably have produced only a minimal further increase in the short-circuit current. Word Choice Precise words • The increase in short-circuit current produced by 10-5 M major basic protein was 85% of the maximal response to isoproterenol. A higher concentration of major basic protein would therefore probably have produced only a minimal further increase in the short-circuit current. Word Choice Precise words • The cells were exposed to lipoprotein-deficient serum for 48 hours. Word Choice Precise words • The cells were exposed to lipoprotein-deficient serum for 48 hours. Word Choice Precise words • The cells were exposed to lipoprotein-deficient serum for 48 hours. • “Exposed to” is imprecise • How were they exposed? • Put in? Bathed in? Grown in? Word Choice Precise words • The cells were exposed to lipoprotein-deficient serum for 48 hours. • “Put in” is not right because what is the mental image? Am I putting cells in the solution continuously for 48 hours? Not likely. Word Choice Precise words • The cells were exposed to lipoprotein-deficient serum for 48 hours. • The cells were bathed in (or placed in) lipoprotein-deficient serum for 48 hours. Word Choice • Guidelines • Words in research papers should be: • Precise • Simple • Necessary • Use few if any abbreviations • Do not interchange words with similar but different meanings Word Choice Simple words • “Simple” can be looked at in different ways. • “Put in” was too simple as well as imprecise • “Placed in” was still simple but more precise • “Bathed in” was still simple, but more formal or scientific. Word Choice Simple words • Blood samples were drawn from the 5 female and 3 male children at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h following the initiation of dialysis. Word Choice Simple words • Blood samples were drawn from the 5 female and 3 male children at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h following the initiation of dialysis. Word Choice Simple words • Blood samples were drawn from the 5 female and 3 male children at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h following the initiation of dialysis. • Blood samples were drawn from the 5 girls and 3 boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h after the beginning of dialysis. Word Choice Simple words • Blood samples were drawn from the 5 girls and 3 boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h after the beginning of dialysis. • Single digit numbers should be spelled out, except for values. • Sentences should not begin with numerals, no matter how many digits Word Choice Simple words • Blood samples were drawn from the 5 female and 3 male children at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h following the initiation of dialysis. • Blood samples were drawn from the five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h after the beginning of dialysis. Word Choice Simple words • Blood samples were drawn from the five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h after the beginning of dialysis. • Blood samples were drawn from the five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 hours after the beginning of dialysis. Word Choice Simple words • Blood samples were drawn from the 5 female and 3 male children at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h following the initiation of dialysis. • Blood samples were drawn from the five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 hours after the beginning of dialysis. Word Choice Simple words • In the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic sensory submodalities (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways. Word Choice Simple words • In the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic sensory submodalities (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways. Word Choice Simple words • Big words are not bad. Indeed, they can add character to good writing. • BUT scientific words, which we must use, tend to be big and heavy. • SO, to keep the writing from being too heavy, use small words for the rest of the sentence. Word Choice Simple words • In the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic sensory subtypes (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways. Word Choice Simple words • In the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic senses (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways. Word Choice Simple words • For the list of senses (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) we have an interesting problem. • There are simple words for three of them, but not for proprioception. • There are complex words for three of them, but not for touch. Word Choice Simple words • It would be nice if there were simple words for all four. • But since there are not, use as many simple words as possible Word Choice Simple words • In the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic senses (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways. Word Choice Simple words • In the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic senses (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways. Word Choice Simple words • In the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic senses (touch, proprioception, pain, and heat) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways. Word Choice • Guidelines • Words in research papers should be: • Precise • Simple • Necessary • Use few if any abbreviations • Do not interchange words with similar but different meanings Word Choice Necessary words • After 4h of haemodialysis, we abruptly ended the haemodialysis. Word Choice Necessary words • After 4h of haemodialysis, we abruptly ended the haemodialysis. • After 4h of haemodialysis, we abruptly ended the haemodialysis. Word Choice Necessary words • After 4h of haemodialysis, we abruptly ended the haemodialysis. • After 4h, we abruptly ended the haemodialysis procedure. Word Choice Necessary words • Oxygen uptake in response to drugs was examined and found to vary considerably. Word Choice Necessary words • Oxygen uptake in response to drugs was examined and found to vary considerably. • It is not necessary to say you examined a response. If you found the response, you must have examined it. This is an example of where something is understood from the context. • First revision: • Oxgen uptake was found to vary considerably. Word Choice Necessary words • Oxygen uptake in response to drugs was examined and found to vary considerably. First revision: • Oxgen uptake was found to vary considerably. • However, it is also not necessary to say that you found the response. If you say what the response was, then you must have found it. • Second revision: • Oxygen uptake varied considerably. Word Choice Necessary words • Oxygen uptake in response to drugs was examined and found to vary considerably. First revision: • Oxgen uptake was found to vary considerably. Second revision: • Oxygen uptake varied considerably. • It would be even better if you could say how much it varied Word Choice Necessary words So you can see repeated revisions can improve the quality of writing, even in terms of word choice. Word Choice • Guidelines • Words in research papers should be: • Precise • Simple • Necessary • Use few if any abbreviations • Do not interchange words with similar but different meanings Word Choice Abbreviations This study measured the response of forearm blood flow (FBF) and forearm vascular resistance (FVR) after isometric handgrip exercise (IHE) and related them to plasma norepinephrine (NE) and epinephrine (E) in 12 normotensives (N) and 14 primary hypertensives (PH). IHE was performed at 30% of maximum voluntary contraction using a calibrated dynamometer. Systolic blood pressure (SBP), diastolic blood pressure (DBP), heart rate (HR), FBF, FVR, NE, and E were measured in the resting arm before and after IHE. Pre-exercise SBP and DBP were higher in PH than in N. FVR was similar in PH and N. NE was higher in PH compared to other matched normotensives. After IHE, SBP and DBP were increased 18% and 19%, respectively, in PH and 16% and 25% in N. Word Choice Abbreviations • Abbreviations are deceptive • They make reading easier if the reader knows what they mean • They make reading more difficult if the reader does not know what they mean. Word Choice Abbreviations This study measured the response of forearm blood flow (FBF) and forearm vascular resistance (FVR) after isometric handgrip exercise (IHE) and related them to plasma norepinephrine (NE) and epinephrine (E) in 12 normotensives (N) and 14 primary hypertensives (PH). IHE was performed at 30% of maximum voluntary contraction using a calibrated dynamometer. Systolic blood pressure (SBP), diastolic blood pressure (DBP), heart rate (HR), FBF, FVR, NE, and E were measured in the resting arm before and after IHE. Pre-exercise SBP and DBP were higher in PH than in N. FVR was similar in PH and N. Ne was higher in PH compared to other matched normotensives. After IHE, SBP and DBP were increased 18% and 19%, respectively, in PH and 16% and 25% in N. Guidelines for Using Abbreviations • These guidelines are for the following kinds of abbreviations • Abbreviations made of the first letters of each word or of each important syllable, such as DNA for deoxyribonucleic acid, and are recognized internationally. • Standard abbreviations for units of measurement, such as SI units, like kg, ml, min, sec, etc. Guidelines for Using Abbreviations • When to use abbreviations • To replace a term that is long or unwieldy AND that appears a great many times in the paper. Word Choice Abbreviations This study measured the response of forearm blood flow (FBF) and forearm vascular resistance (FVR) after isometric handgrip exercise (IHE) and related them to plasma norepinephrine (NE) and epinephrine (E) in 12 normotensives (N) and 14 primary hypertensives (PH). IHE was performed at 30% of maximum voluntary contraction using a calibrated dynamometer. Systolic blood pressure (SBP), diastolic blood pressure (DBP), heart rate (HR), FBF, FVR, NE, and E were measured in the resting arm before and after IHE. Pre-exercise SBP and DBP were higher in PH than in N. FVR was similar in PH and N. Ne was higher in PH compared to other matched normotensives. After IHE, SBP and DBP were increased 18% and 19%, respectively, in PH and 16% and 25% in N. Guidelines for Using Abbreviations • Most of these terms are not long or unwieldy. • Most are used five times or less. That is not too many. Ten times in a paper is not too many. • If an abbreviation is used ten times or less in a paper, the reader has to keep looking up what it means. • An abbreviation should be used often enough that the reader does not forget its meaning. Guidelines for Using Abbreviations • Exceptions • Long terms, such as tetradecanoylphorbol acetate (TPA) should be abreviated even if it is used only once or twice more in a paper • An abbreviation that is more familiar to the reader than the term for which it stands, for example, DNA. These can be used freely. How to Avoid Abbreviations • Use one word from a long term • Instead of “IHE” for “isometric handgrip exercise” (a non-standard abbreviation), use “exercise” after the first use, especially if this is the only exercise mentioned. • To avoid terms like “group A,” use a characteristic to name the group, such as “the diabetic group.” Word Choice • Guidelines • Words in research papers should be: • Precise • Simple • Necessary • Use few if any abbreviations • Do not interchange words with similar but different meanings Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • This response was blocked by phentolamine but was not (affected, effected) by propanolol. Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • This response was blocked by phentolamine but was not (affected, effected) by propanolol. • Affected - influenced • Effected - caused to happen Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • This response was blocked by phentolamine but was not (affected, effected) by propanolol. • Affected - influenced • Effected - caused to happen Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • This response was blocked by phentolamine but was not (affected, effected) by propanolol. • This response was blocked by phentolamine but was not affected by propanolol. Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • The digoxin (amount, concentration, content, level) was increased from 0.5 to 2.5 ng/ml. Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • The digoxin (amount, concentration, content, level) was increased from 0.5 to 2.5 ng/ml. • “Level” is more general than “amount,” “contration,” and “content.” • “Level” is OK if there is only one kind of level in your paper • But, if you have both amounts and concentrations, or if you use “level” to mean “horizontal state or line,” use the most specific term. Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • The digoxin (amount, concentration, content, level) was increased from 0.5 to 2.5 ng/ml. • The digoxin concentration was increased from 0.5 to 2.5 ng/ml. Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • Pre-ganglionic stimulation (enhances, increases) norepinephrine release from terminals within the superior cervical ganglion. Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • Pre-ganglionic stimulation (enhances, increases) norepinephrine release from terminals within the superior cervical ganglion. • Enhances – improves (imprecise, not easily measurable) • Increases – a larger amount, measurable, and precise) Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • Pre-ganglionic stimulation (enhances, increases) norepinephrine release from terminals within the superior cervical ganglion. • Pre-ganglionic stimulation increases nor-epinephrine release from terminals within the superior cervical ganglion. Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • At frequent (intervals, periods) we measured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial blood, and during each (interval, period) of study we measured pulmonary flow two or three times. Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • At frequent (intervals, periods) we mesured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial blood, and during each (interval, period) of study we measured pulmonary flow two or three times. • Interval – the time between two specific events. • Period – the time during which events occur Word Choice Words Carelessly Interchanged • At frequent (intervals, periods) we measured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial blood, and during each (interval, period) of study we measured pulmonary flow two or three times. • At frequent intervals we measured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial blood, and during each period of study we measured pulmonary flow two or three times. Word Choice Summary • Words in research papers should be: • Precise • Simple • Necessary • Use few if any abbreviations • Do not interchange words with similar but different meanings Word Choice • How Do I Choose Words? • Dictionary • Collins CoBUILD English Dictionary for Advanced Learners (3rd edition) • 4th Ed not as good • Longman Activator Word Choice • How Do I Choose Words? • Thesaurus • Roget’s Thesaurus of the English Language If you have a long or unwieldy word it can help you find a simpler one. Word Choice • How Do I Choose Words? • Academic Word List • http://www.vuw.ac.nz/lals/research/awl/index.html Contains headwords of the 570 word families used most often in academic writing Account for 10% of all words in scientific papers Grouped into 10 groups according the degree of use. Writing • Thesis • Chapters • Paragraphs − Sentences – Words Sentences • A sentence is a complete thought (or idea) expressed in words • Subject, predicate and object • Subject, verb and completer Sentence Structure • Clearest, easiest to understand if simple and direct • Five techniques to ensure sentneces are simple and direct • Five writing flaws to avoid Sentence Structure • Five writing techniques • Express core of message in subject, verb and completer • Avoid noun clusters • Write short sentences • Use clear pronouns • Put parallel ideas in parallel form Sentence Structure • Express core of message in subject, verb and completer • Avoid noun clusters • Write short sentences • Use clear pronouns • Put parallel ideas in parallel form Sentence Structure Message in subject, verb & completer • Make the topic the subject • Put the action in the verb Sentence Structure Make the topic the subject • The children with arteriovenous shunts had the shunts opened, heparin injected, and the arterial and venous sides of the shunt clamped. Sentence Structure Make the topic the subject • The children with arteriovenous shunts had the shunts opened, heparin injected, and the arterial and venous sides of the shunt clamped. Sentence Structure Make the topic the subject • The children with arteriovenous shunts had the shunts opened, heparin injected, and the arterial and venous sides of the shunt clamped. • Topic is not children • Message is not children having Sentence Structure Make the topic the subject • The children with arteriovenous shunts had the shunts opened, heparin injected, and the arterial and venous sides of the shunt clamped. • Topics are shunts, heparin & sides of the shunt • Message is what happened to them Sentence Structure Make the topic the subject • The children with arteriovenous shunts had the shunts opened, heparin injected, and the arterial and venous sides of the shunt clamped. • Revision: • In the children who had arteriovenous shunts, the shunts were opened, heparin was injected, and the arterial and venous sides of the shunt were clamped. Sentence Structure Make the topic the subject • Ask yourself what is the topic of each sentence. • Put that topic in the subject. Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • An increase in heart rate occurred. Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • An increase in heart rate occurred. • The action is in the subject, increase • The verb, occurred, does not express the action. • Sentence is complicated and indirect Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • An increase in heart rate occurred. • The subject is heart rate • The action is increased Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • An increase in heart rate occurred. • Revision: • Heart rate increased. • Simple and direct Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • The new drug caused a decrease in heart rate. Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • The new drug caused a decrease in heart rate. • The action is in the object, decrease • The verb, caused, does not express the action. • Sentence is complicated and indirect Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • The new drug caused a decrease in heart rate. • The subject is drug • The action is decreased • The object is heart rate Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • The new drug caused a decrease in heart rate. • Revision: • The new drug decreased heart rate. • Simple and direct Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • With bilateral leg vessel congestion, the compliance of forearm vessels increased significantly. Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • With bilateral leg vessel congestion, the compliance of forearm vessels increased significantly. • Two issues here, real action and prepositional phrase. • Real action is increased and is in the right place. • Another action, congestion, is in a prepositional phrase, with bilateral leg vessel congestion Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • With bilateral leg vessel congestion, the compliance of forearm vessels increased significantly. • But the sentence can be improved by putting the secondary action in a verb. • Revision: • When the vessels in both legs were congested, the compliance of forearm vessels increased significantly Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • With bilateral leg vessel congestion, the compliance of forearm vessels increased significantly. • But the sentence can be improved by putting the secondary action in a verb. • Revision: • When the vessels in both legs were congested, the compliance of forearm vessels increased significantly. Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • With hypoxia of longer duration or severer degree, the shortening phase may get progressively briefer. Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • With hypoxia of longer duration or severer degree, the shortening phase may get progressively briefer. • Revision: • When hypoxia lasts longer or is more severe, the shortening phase may get progressively briefer. Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • I tested the hypothesis that there is an alteration of phospholipid metabolites in lipid of white matter signal hyperintensities. Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • I tested the hypothesis that there is an alteration of phospholipid metabolites in lipid of white matter signal hyperintensities. • The action is in a noun, alteration, introduced by “there is” • The verb, is, does not express the action Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • I tested the hypothesis that there is an alteration of phospholipid metabolites in lipid of white matter signal hyperintensities. • Revision: • I tested the hypothesis that phospholipid metabolites in lipid of white matter signal hyperintensities are altered. Sentence Structure Put the action in the verb • Ask yourself what action you want each sentence to express • Put that action in a verb. Sentence Structure Message in subject, verb & completer • The adults ended dialysis with a plasma acetate concentration almost double that of the children. Sentence Structure Message in subject, verb & completer • The adults ended dialysis with a plasma acetate concentration almost double that of the children. • Revision 1: • At the end of dialysis, the plasma acetate concentrtion of the adults was almost double that of the children. • Revision 2: • After dialysis . . . Sentence Structure Message in subject, verb & completer • The patient showed no change in symptoms. Sentence Structure Message in subject, verb & completer • The patient showed no change in symptoms. • Revision 1: • The patient’s symptoms did not change. • Revision 2: • The patient’s symptoms were unchanged. Sentence Structure • Express core of message in subject, verb and completer • Avoid noun clusters • Write short sentences • Use clear pronouns • Put parallel ideas in parallel form Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • Nouns are usually modified by adjectives • However, one noun is often modified by another noun in English • “blood flow,” “protein metabolism,” • But adding more nouns is confusing • filament length variability • Air spaces phospholipid pool Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • Untangling noun clusters • Start from the end and work your way to the beginning inserting the appropriate prepositions Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • Untangling noun clusters • filament length variability • variability of the length of the filaments • Variability of filament length • air spaces phospholipid pool • pool of phospholipids in the air spaces • Phospholipid pool in the air spaces Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • The prepositions indicate how the nouns are related to each other • It can be difficult to figure out the relationships in noun clusters Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • The precipitate was further purified by sucrose density gradient centrifugation. Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • The precipitate was further purified by sucrose density gradient centrigugation. • Revision 1: The precipitate was further purified by being centrifuged on density gradients made of sucrose. • Revision 2: The precipitate was further purified by being centrifuged on sucrose density gradients. Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • The problem is compounded when an adjective is added to a noun cluster • “chronic sheep experiments” • What is chronic, the sheep or the experiments? Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • First untangle the noun cluster • Then place the adjective in front of the appropriate noun • “chronic sheep experiments” • What are sheep experiments? • Experiments that sheep are conducting in their lab? • Experiments that are being conducted on or in sheep? Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • “chronic sheep experiments” • What are sheep experiments? • Experiments that sheep are conducting in their lab? • Experiments that are being conducted on or in sheep? Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • First untangle the noun cluster • Then place the adjective in front of the appropriate noun • chronic sheep experiments • Revision: • “chronic experiments in sheep” Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • peripheral chemoreceptor stimulation • What is peripheral? • The chemoreceptors or the stimulation? • Revision: • stimulation of the peripheral chemoreceptors • peripheral stimulation of the chemoreceptors Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • Even more confusion occurs when the noun that the adjective modifies is omitted from the cluster altogether • To assess zero drift, we checked each catheter in saline at 38C. Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • To assess zero drift, we checked each catheter in saline at 38C. • What is zero drift? • No drift? • Drift of the zero point? Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • To assess zero drift, we checked each catheter in saline at 38C. • Revision: • To assess for drift of the zero point, we checked each catheter in saline at 38C. • Longer, but clearer Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters • Treat noun clusters like abbreviations • Do not use them if you can possibly avoid them • If you are forced to use them, write them the long way the first time; then use the cluster Sentence Structure • Express core of message in subject, verb and completer • Avoid noun clusters • Write short sentences • Use clear pronouns • Put parallel ideas in parallel form Sentence Structure Write Short Sentences • Complete thought (or idea) expressed in words • A sentence with two or more ideas is difficult to follow • Do not string ideas together • Talk about one thing at a time Sentence Structure Write Short Sentences • Complete thought (or idea) expressed in words • A sentence with two or more ideas is difficult to follow • Do not string ideas together • Talk about one thing at a time Sentence Structure Write Short Sentences • Do not string ideas together • In one patient who had numerous lesions, the echocardiogram correctly detected a large lesion (15mm) attached to the right coronary cusp but failed to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at surgery on the remaining two cusps, whereas in another patient, the echocardiogram correctly detected lesions on all three cusps. Sentence Structure Do not string ideas together • Revision 1: • In one patient who had numerous lesions, the echocardiogram correctly detected a large lesion (15mm) attached to the right coronary cusp but failed to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at surgery on the remaining two cusps. whereas However, in another patient, the echocardiogram correctly detected lesions on all three cusps. Sentence Structure Do not string ideas together • Revision 2: • In one patient who had numerous lesions, the echocardiogram correctly detected a large lesion (15mm) attached to the right coronary cusp. but It failed to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at surgery on the remaining two cusps. whereas However, in another patient, the echocardiogram correctly detected lesions on all three cusps. Sentence Structure Write Short Sentences • Complete thought (or idea) expressed in words • A sentence with two or more ideas is difficult to follow • Do not string ideas together • Talk about one thing at a time Sentence Structure Write Short Sentences • Talk about one thing at a time • Even more difficult is a sentence that talks about two ideas at once or has one idea nested inside another. Sentence Structure Talk about one thing at a time • The eleutian order and extent of separation of these two isoenzymes are quite different from those achieved on DEAE-cellulose chromatography of alpha-chymotrypticdigested S1, where light chain 1 emerges first, followed by a well-resolved second peak of light chain 3. Sentence Structure Talk about one thing at a time • The eleutian order and extent of separation of these two isoenzymes are quite different from those achieved on DEAE-cellulose chromatography of alphachymotryptic-digested S1, where light chain 1 emerges first, followed by a well-resolved second peak of light chain 3. • Revision: • The eleutian order of these two isoenzymes, light chain 3 followed by light chain 1, is the reverse of that achieved by DEAE-cellulose chromatography of alpha-chymotryptic-digested S1. Similarly, the extent of separation is reversed, the peak of light chain 1 being much better resolved than the peak of light chain 3. Sentence Structure Talk about one thing at a time • In the next example three ideas are presented in one sentence: the purpose of the experiment, how the experiment was done and a description of the patients. • To study the mechanisms involved in the beneficial effects of hydralazine on ventricular function in patients who have chronic aortic insufficiency, a radionuclide assessment of ventricular function was performed in 15 patients with pure aortic insufficiency, functional capacity I or II, at rest and during supine exercise. Sentence Structure Talk about one thing at a time • Revision 1: • To study the mechanisms involved in the beneficial effects of hydralazine on ventricular function in patients who have chronic aortic insufficiency, a radionuclide assessment of ventricular function was performed in 15 patients at rest and during supine exercise. All patients had pure aortic insufficiency and were in functional capacity I or II. Sentence Structure Talk about one thing at a time • Revision 2: • Our aim was to assess the mechanisms involved in the beneficial effects of hydralazine on ventricular function in patients who have chronic aortic insufficiency. For this assessment we did a radionuclide study of ventricular function in 15 patients at rest and during supine exercise. All patients had pure aortic insufficiency and were in functional capacity I or II. Sentence Structure Write Short Sentences • Keep sentences as short as possible • Mean length of 22 words per sentence • If you have two or three long sentences, balance them with a short one • The harder the science, the simpler the writing should be Sentence Structure • Express core of message in subject, verb and completer • Avoid noun clusters • Write short sentences • Use clear pronouns • Put parallel ideas in parallel form Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • Problems with pronouns • More than one possible noun • No possible nouns Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • More than one possible noun • The presence of disulphide bonds in oligopeptides may restrict the formation of ordered structures in sodium dodecyl sulphate solution. Once they are reduced, the predicted conformations can be fully induced. Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • The presence of disulphide bonds in oligopeptides may restrict the formation of ordered structures in sodium dodecyl sulphate solution. Once they are reduced, the predicted conformations can be fully induced. • To what does “they” refer? • Either repeat the noun to which “they” refers • Or revise the sentence structure Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • Easier to repeat the noun • Revision: • The presence of disulphide bonds in oligopeptides may restrict the formation of ordered structures in sodium dodecyl sulphate solution. Once the bonds are reduced, the predicted conformations can be fully induced. Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • More than one possible noun • Laboratory animals are not susceptible to these diseases, so research on them is hampered. Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • Laboratory animals are not susceptible to these diseases, so research on them is hampered. • Revision 1: Repeat the noun • Laboratory animals are not susceptible to these diseases, so research on these diseases is hampered. • Revision 2: Revise the sentence structure • Research on these diseases is hampered because laboratory animals are not susceptible to them. Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • No possible nouns • Tyson et al. abruptly occluded the venae cavae before analyzing the heart beats. As a result of this, the volume of the right heart rapidly decreased. Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • Tyson et al. abruptly occluded the venae cavae before analyzing the heart beats. As a result of this, the volume of the right heart rapidly decreased. • There is no noun to which “this” can refer. • “This” must refer to what Tyson did • So we have to provide the noun “occlusion” Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • Tyson et al. abruptly occluded the venae cavae before analyzing the heart beats. As a result of this occlusion, the volume of the right heart rapidly decreased. Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • No possible nouns • Hearts. Those used for this study were taken from 13 litters of new-born hamsters. Nouns to which pronouns refer should be part of the text. Headings and words in parentheses are not part of the text. Revision: Hearts. The hearts used for this study were taken from 13 litters of new-born hamsters. Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • No possible nouns • In previous studies, fetal sheep responded to asphyxia with immediate femoral vasoconstriction (8). However, delayed vasoconstriction occurred, and they speculated that . . . Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • In previous studies, fetal sheep responded to asphyxia with immediate femoral vasoconstriction (8). However, delayed vasoconstriction occurred, and they speculated that . . . • Who are “they?” The sheep? Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • In previous studies, fetal sheep responded to asphyxia with immediate femoral vasoconstriction (8). However, delayed vasoconstriction occurred, and they speculated that . . . • Revision: • In previous studies, fetal sheep responded to asphyxia with immediate femoral vasoconstriction (8). However, delayed vasoconstriction occurred, and the investigators speculated that . . . Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns • The text should make sense even if all subheadings and all items in parentheses are omitted • This is because it is reasonable for people to read sentences without looking at the headings or items in parentheses Sentence Structure • Express core of message in subject, verb and completer • Avoid noun clusters • Write short sentences • Use clear pronouns • Put parallel ideas in parallel form Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Parallel Ideas • Ideas that are equal in logic nd importance • Ideas that are being compared • Usually joined by “and,” “or,” or “but.” Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Parallel Form • Use of the same grammatical structures for two or more parallel ideas • Grammatical structures include clauses, phrases (prepositional or infinitive), and single words such as nouns or adjectives Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Types of parallel form • Pairs • Series Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Pairs • Pairs of ideas - two ideas joined by “and” or “but” should be written in poarallel form: • Cardiac output decreased by 40% but blood pressure decreased by only 10%. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Pairs • The value of writing in parallel form is that the form of the first idea prepares the reader for the form of the next idea. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Pairs • The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated. • The forms in front of and after “but” are not parallel Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated. • Revision: • The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be due to the fact that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be due to the fact that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated. • But this makes the sentence longer and has some repetition. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be due to the fact that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated. • Revision 2: • The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, or simply to the fact of isolation, which could alter cell response. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Revision 2: • The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, or simply to the fact of isolation, which could alter normal cell responses. • The ideas are easier to understand because the repetition of “could be due to” and “isolated” have been eliminated. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Three problems with comparisons • Overuse of “compared to” • Comparison of unlike things • Absolute statements disguised as comparisons Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Overuse of “compared to” • • • • Greater than (not “compared to”) Less than Higher than Lower than Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Overuse of “compared to” • We found a higher KD at 37C compared to 25C. • Revision: We found a higher KD at 37C than at 25C Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Overuse of “compared to” • Experimental rabbits had a 28% decrease in alveolar phospholipid as compared to control rabbits during normal ventilation. • Did alveolar phospholipid decrease in A) both experimental and control groups? B) only in experimental rabbits? C) neither group? From the above sentence, it cannot be determined Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Overuse of “compared to” • Experimental rabbits had a 28% decrease in alveolar phospholipid as compared to control rabbits during normal ventilation. • This sentence can be re-written to show any of the three possibilities Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Overuse of “compared to” • Experimental rabbits had a 28% greater decrease in alveolar phospholipid than did control rabbits during normal ventilation. • This means there was a decrease in both groups. The decrease was 28% greater in the experimental rabbits than the in the control rabbits Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Overuse of “compared to” • Experimental rabbits had a 28% decrease in alveolar phospholipid but control rabbits had no decrease during normal ventilation. • This means there was a decrease only in the experimental rabbits and the level was 28% lower than before. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Overuse of “compared to” • Experimental rabbits had 28% less alveolar phospholipid than did control rabbits during normal ventilation. • This means there was no decrease in either group. It says only that the experimental rabbits had 28% less phospholipid than did the control rabbits. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Overuse of “compared to” • “Decrease” means that the value is now lower than it was before. • “Decrease compared to” has at least three possible interpretations • Therefore, “compared to” should not be used with “decreased” (or “increased”). Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Three problems with comparisons • Overuse of “compared to” • Comparison of unlike things • Absolute statements disguised as comparisons Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Comparison of unlike things • These results are similar to previous studies Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Comparison of unlike things • These results are similar to previous studies • Revision 1: • These results are similar to the results of previous studies • Revision 2: • These results are similar to those of previous studies Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Comparison of unlike things • Activation-controlled relaxation in these membrane-deprived cells resembled intact myocardium from frogs. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Comparison of unlike things • Activation-controlled relaxation in these membrane-deprived cells resembled intact myocardium from frogs. • Revision: • Activation-controlled relaxation in these membrane-deprived cells resembled that in intact myocardium from frogs. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Three problems with comparisons • Overuse of “compared to” • Comparison of unlike things • Absolute statements disguised as comparisons Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Absolute statements disguised as comparisons • “This medium contains 4 – 5 mM phosphate compared to Schneider’s medium.” • In fact this medium contains 4 – 5 mM regardless of the concentration of phosphate in Schneider’s medium. The concentration is an absolute value and does nor depend on any other concentration. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Absolute statements disguised as comparisons • “This medium contains 4 – 5 mM phosphate compared to Schneider’s medium.” • Revision: • “This medium contains 4 – 5 mM phosphate; Schneider’s medium contains 9 – 10 mM phosphate.” Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Absolute statements disguised as comparisons • If you want to compare the two concentrations: • “In this medium the concentration of phosphate (4 – 5 mM) is about half that in Schneider’s medium (9 – 10 mM).” Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Types of parallel form • Pairs • Series Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Series • More than two ideas in parallel form • We washed out the lungs five times with Solution I, instilled 8 – 10 ml of the fluorocarbon-albumin emulsion into the trachea, and incubated the lungs in 154 nM NaCl at 37C for 20 min. verb object completer Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Series • The best way of removing the non-adherent cells was to tip the plate at a 45-degree angle, to flood the top edge of the plate with 3 – 4 ml of medium, to remove the medium, and to repeat this procedure until almost all the floating cells were removed. infinitive object completer Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Series • In a series, as in a pair, the form of all the parallel items must be the same Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Two problems with parallelism • Hybrids • Paired conjunctions Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Hybrids • Confusion between a pair and a series • The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl, 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Hybrids • The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl, 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml. • We are expecting a third value to match 12.5 and 50, but we get a verb, “has.” • The “and” is in the wrong place Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Hybrids • The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl, 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml. • Revision 1: • The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Hybrids • Revision 1: • The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml. • However, the two “and”s are inelegant. We can substitute a semicolon for the second “and.” Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Hybrids • Revision 1: • The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml. • Revision 2: • The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine; its final volume is 115 ml. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Two problems with parallelism • Hybrids • Paired conjunctions Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Paired conjunctions • “both” . . . “and” . . . • “either” . . . “or” . . . • “not only” . . .”but also” . . . Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Paired conjunctions • The mechanical response of the heart muscle depends on both the absolute osmolal increase and on the species studied. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Paired conjunctions • The mechanical response of the heart muscle depends on both the absolute osmolal increase and on the species studied. • Not parallel Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Paired conjunctions • The mechanical response of the heart muscle depends on both the absolute osmolal increase and on the species studied. • Revision: • The mechanical response of the heart muscle depends both on the absolute osmolal increase and on the species studied. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Paired conjunctions • Look at the relative position of the conjunctions and the prepositions • on both and on • • • Something is wrong. Either both conjunctions must come before the preposition: both on x and on y • • Or the preposition must come only before the first conjunction: on both x and x y y Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • An extra advantage of parallelism • Omitting repetition Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Omitting repetition • Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic blood pressure declined by 50mm Hg and cardiac output fell by 18%. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Omitting Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic blood pressure declined by 50mm Hg and cardiac output fell by 18%. • The authors thought repeating “decreased” would be boring, so they changed the verb. But this detracts from the items that actually are different. Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Omitting repetition • Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic blood pressure declined by 50mm Hg and cardiac output fell by 18%. • To avoid repetition without using distracting variations, omit the second and third verbs Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form • Omitting re[petition • Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic blood pressure declined by 50mm Hg and cardiac output fell by 18%. • Revision: • Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic blood pressure by 50mm Hg and cardiac output by 18%. Sentence Structure • Clearest, easiest to understand if simple and direct • Five techniques to ensure they are simple and direct • Five writing flaws to avoid Sentence Structure • Five writing flaws to avoid • Make sure the subject and verb make sense together • Make sure the subject and verb agree • Do not omit helping verbs • Avoid dangling modifiers • Make sure sentences containing parentheses make sense Sentence Structure • Five writing flaws to avoid • Make sure the subject and verb make sense together • Make sure the subject and verb agree • Do not omit helping verbs • Avoid dangling modifiers • Make sure sentences containing parentheses make sense Sentence Structure Subject and Verb Make Sense • The appearance of non-dialyzable 35S in the luminal bath was measured. Sentence Structure Subject and Verb Make Sense • The appearance of non-dialyzable 35S in the luminal bath was measured. • Can you measure appearance? Sentence Structure Subject and Verb Make Sense • The appearance of non-dialyzable 35S in the luminal bath was measured. • Revision1: • The amount of non-dialyzable 35S in the luminal bath was measured. Sentence Structure Subject and Verb Make Sense • The appearance of non-dialyzable 35S in the luminal bath was measured. • Revision2: • The appearance of non-dialyzable 35S in the luminal bath was noted. Sentence Structure • Five writing flaws to avoid • Make sure the subject and verb make sense together • Make sure the subject and verb agree • Do not omit helping verbs • Avoid dangling modifiers • Make sure sentences containing parentheses make sense Sentence Structure Subject and Verb Agree • The oesophagus, stomach and intestine of each rabbit was examined. Sentence Structure Subject and Verb Agree • The oesophagus, stomach and intestine of each rabbit was examined. • Revision: • The oesophagus, stomach and intestine of each rabbit were examined. Sentence Structure • Five writing flaws to avoid • Make sure the subject and verb make sense together • Make sure the subject and verb agree • Do not omit helping verbs • Avoid dangling modifiers • Make sure sentences containing parentheses make sense Sentence Structure Helping Verbs • The tissue was minced and the samples incubated. Sentence Structure Helping Verbs • The tissue was minced and the samples incubated. • Revision: • The tissue was minced and the samples were incubated. Sentence Structure Helping Verbs • Contrast medium was infused at a steady rate into the injection port, and the flow calculated from the observed change in the CT number at equilibrium. Sentence Structure Helping Verbs • Contrast medium was infused at a steady rate into the injection port, and the flow calculated from the observed change in the CT number at equilibrium. • “Calculated” could be misinterpreted as an adjective (the flow that was calculated). The reader could get to the end of the sentence and still be waiting for the verb (What about the flow that was calculated?) Sentence Structure Helping Verbs • Contrast medium was infused at a steady rate into the injection port, and the flow calculated from the observed change in the CT number at equilibrium. • Revision: • Contrast medium was infused at a steady rate into the injection port, and the flow was calculated from the observed change in the CT number at equilibrium. Sentence Structure • Five writing flaws to avoid • Make sure the subject and verb make sense together • Make sure the subject and verb agree • Do not omit helping verbs • Avoid dangling modifiers • Make sure sentences containing parentheses make sense Sentence Structure Avoid Dangling Modifiers • Blood flow was allowed to return to baseline before proceeding with the next occlusion. Sentence Structure Avoid Dangling Modifiers • Blood flow was allowed to return to baseline before proceeding with the next occlusion. • The first part of the sentence is passive (was allowed), whereas the second is active (proceeding). “Proceeding” dangles; it has no noun to modify. Sentence Structure Avoid Dangling Modifiers • Blood flow was allowed to return to baseline before proceeding with the next occlusion. • Two options: • Make both parts active • Make both parts passive Sentence Structure Avoid Dangling Modifiers • Blood flow was allowed to return to baseline before proceeding with the next occlusion. • Revision1 (Active): • We allowed blood flow to return to baseline before proceeding with the next occlusion. • Revision 2 (Passive): • Blood flow was allowed to return to baseline before proceeding with the next occlusion was begun. Sentence Structure • Five writing flaws to avoid • Make sure the subject and verb make sense together • Make sure the subject and verb agree • Do not omit helping verbs • Avoid dangling modifiers • Make sure sentences containing parentheses make sense Sentence Structure Sense Without Parentheses • Pentobarbital (10-6M) had no effect, 10-5M slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the response. Sentence Structure Sense Without Parentheses • Pentobarbital (10-6M) had no effect, 10-5M slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the response. • If the information within the parentheses is omitted, the sentence does not make sense • The point of the sentence is that a certain concentration of pentobarbital had no effect, not that pentobarbital had no effect. Sentence Structure Sense Without Parentheses • Pentobarbital (10-6M) had no effect, 10-5M slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the response. • Revision: • At 10-6M pentobarbital had no effect, at 10-5M it slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the response Sentence Structure Sense Without Parentheses • Pentobarbital (10-6M) had no effect, 10-5M slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the response. • Revision: • At 10-6M pentobarbital had no effect, at 10-5M it slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the response • Note the parallel form for the series of three items Sentence Structure Summary • Five writing techniques • Express core of message in subject, verb and completer • Avoid noun clusters • Write short sentences • Use clear pronouns • Put parallel ideas in parallel form Sentence Structure Summary • Five writing flaws to avoid • Make sure the subject and verb make sense together • Make sure the subject and verb agree • Do not omit helping verbs • Avoid dangling modifiers • Make sure sentences containing parentheses make sense Writing • Thesis • Chapters • Paragraphs − Sentences – Words Paragraph Structure • A paragraph is a number of sentences on a single topic • To tell a clear story • The ideas must be organized • The continuity must be clear • Important ideas must be emphasised Paragraph Structure • A paragraph is a number of sentences on a single topic • To tell a clear story • The ideas must be organized • The continuity must be clear • Important ideas must be emphasised Paragraph Structure Organisation • Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • No missing steps Paragraph Structure Organisation • Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • No missing steps Paragraph Structure Organisation • Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • General approach: Overview first, then details • Create expectation, then fulfill it Or, sometimes in scientific writing • Details first, then meaning • But sometimes details take over Paragraph Structure Organisation • Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • A topic sentence states the topic or message of the paragraph • The topic is what the paragraph is about • Have only one message per paragraph Paragraph Structure Organisation • Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • Details that support the topic sentence are written in the supporting sentences • Supporting sentences are arranged logically to explain the message stated in the topic sentence Paragraph Structure Organisation Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • There are three different theories put forward for the very slow relaxation of catch muscles in molluscs. One theory holds that catch is due to some unusual property of myosin in these muscles that produces a slow rate of detachment (12). In this theory, paramyosin would have no special role beyond that of providing the long scaffolding on which the myosin is positioned as well as the mechanical strength for the large tensions developed. The second theory holds that tension is developed by actin-myosin interaction but is maintained by paramyocin interactions (13, 14). Because the thick filaments are of limited length, interaction would have to occur through fusion of thick filaments (15). A third theory, to which I subscribe, pictures a structural change in the paramyosin core affecting the rate of breaking of myosin-actin links at the filament surface (5, 16). Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • There are three different theories put forward for the very slow relaxation of catch muscles in molluscs. One theory holds that catch is due to some unusual property of myosin in these muscles that produces a slow rate of detachment (12). In this theory, paramyosin would have no special role beyond that of providing the long scaffolding on which the myosin is positioned as well as the mechanical strength for the large tensions developed. The second theory holds that tension is developed by actin-myosin interaction but is maintained by paramyocin interactions (13, 14). Because the thick filaments are of limited length, interaction would have to occur through fusion of thick filaments (15). A third theory, to which I subscribe, pictures a structural change in the paramyosin core affecting the rate of breaking of myosin-actin links at the filament surface (5, 16). Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • The pattern of organization of the supporting sentences is logical • In this example the order is • Least to most important • But there are many logical orders • • • • • Most to least important Announced order Pro-con Problem-solution Solution-problem Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • Length of topic sentences • Best if short and simple Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • Number and placement of topic sentences • If more than one, two can be placed together at the beginning, one stating the topic the other the message. • Or topic and message can be split, one at the beginning, the other at the end • Or the one at the end can re-state the message to reinforce it Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • If a paragraph has three or more topic sentences, further combinations are possible • Maybe a topic sentence in the middle to give an overview of a subtopic Paragraph Structure Organisation • Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • No missing steps Paragraph Structure Organisation • No missing steps • All steps in the logic of a paragraph must be presented • If a step is missing, the story will be difficult to follow Paragraph Structure Organisation • No missing steps • As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . . Paragraph Structure Organisation • No missing steps • As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . . • We know what this means, but why the sudden change to total body glucose? Paragraph Structure Organisation • No missing steps • As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . . • Revision: • As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. To allow for osmotic equilibration, we stabilised serum glucose at this level by adding to the fluid infusion an amount of glucose equivalent to the net loss of total body glucose. An estimate of We estimated net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . . Paragraph Structure Organisation • No missing steps • As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . . • Revision: • As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. To allow for osmotic equilibration, we stabilised serum glucose at this level by adding to the fluid infusion an amount of glucose equivalent to the net loss of total body glucose. We estimated net loss of total body glucose as follows . . . Paragraph Structure Organisation • No missing steps • We often omit steps because we are very familiar with the topic and we can supply the missing step as we read • However, we must not expect every reader to know the topic as well as we do ourselves Paragraph Structure Organisation • No missing steps • Two easy ways to avoid omitting steps • Read the manuscript after a few weeks, when you do not have everything fresh in your mind • Ask a colleague outside your field to read the manuscript Paragraph Structure • A paragraph is a number of sentences on a single topic • To tell a clear story • The ideas must be organized • The continuity must be clear • Important ideas must be emphasised Paragraph Structure Continuity • Even if a paragraph is well organised (has a topic sentence and logically arranged supporting sentences and is not missing any steps in the logic), the story can still be difficult to follow if the paragraph does not have continuity Paragraph Structure Continuity • Continuity A clear relationship between every sentence and the sentence before it Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Using transitions to indicate relationships between ideas • Keeping consistent order • Keeping a consistent point of view • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Key terms are terms that name important ideas in a paper • In the last example the terms “serum glucose” and “net loss of total body glucose” were repeated to hold the paragraph together Paragraph Structure Organisation • No missing steps • As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . . • Revision: • As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. To allow for osmotic equilibration, we stabilised serum glucose at this level by adding to the fluid infusion an amount of glucose equivalent to the net loss of total body glucose. We estiamted net loss of total body glucose as follows . . . Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Repeat key terms exactly • Repeat key terms early • Link key terms Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Repeat key terms exactly • Repeat key terms early • Link key terms Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • A) For clarity • Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This change in intropic state is a result of changes in calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane • What is “intropic state” and what does it have to do with the previous sentence? Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This change in intropic state is a result of changes in calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane • The answer is “contractility” and “intropic state” mean the same thing. So why use different terms and risk confusing the reader? Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This change in intropic state is a result of changes in calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane • Revision: • Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This increased contractility is a result of changes in calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • Two paragraphs: • The extent of digestion of the liver was determined empirically, on the basis of the softness of the liver in response to gentle scratches applied with sterile tweezers. When these scratches broke the surface of the liver, digestion was considered complete. The key enzyme in hepatocyte isolation is collagenase, but there is surprisingly little definitive information about what constitutes a good enzyme preparation for efficacy of cell yield and viability. Paragraph Structure Continuity • If we repeat the terms “digestion” and “liver” in the second paragraph. It makes the relationship between the paragraphs clear • The extent of digestion of the liver was determined empirically, on the basis of the softness of the liver in response to gentle scratches applied with sterile tweezers. When these scratches broke the surface of the liver, digestion was considered complete. The key enzyme used to digest liver is collagenase, but there is surprisingly little definitive information about what constitutes a good enzyme preparation for efficacy of cell yield and viability. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • B) For accuracy • Sometimes changing key terms can make the meaning scientifically inaccurate • To determine which collagenase concentration is the most appropriate for our purposes, we tested collagenase B (Boehringer Mannheim, Indianapolis, IN) dissolved at different concentrations in the perfusion medium. First we perfused mouse liver with a medium containing the same quantity of collagenase B as the medium used to perfuse rat liver (70 mg enzyme per litre of perfusion medium). Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • B) For accuracy • Sometimes changing key terms can make the meaning scientifically inaccurate Revision: • To determine which collagenase concentration is the most appropriate for our purposes, we tested collanenase B (Boehringer Mannheim, Indianapolis, IN) dissolved at different concentrations in the perfusion medium. First we perfused mouse liver with a medium containing the same concentration of collagenase B as the medium used to perfuse rat liver (70 mg enzyme per litre of perfusion medium). Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • C) To avoid “noise” • In humans, apo-B100, mainly synthesised in the liver, and apoB48, mainly synthesised in the intestine, are the products of a single apo-B gene (ref.) The production of apo-B48 in the human intestine is the result of an RNA-editing process that changes a glutamine codon (CAA) of the mRNA for apo-B100 into a translational stop codon (UAA). This apo-B mRNA editing process does not occur in human livers, so apo-B48 is not synthesised in human livers. However, the mRNA-editing process, and thus apoB48 formation, occurs in mouse and rat livers. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • If “production” and “formation” mean “synthesis,” why not use “synthesis” each time? • We usually do not like repeating the same word in a sentence or paragraph • But the reason is to create an elegant rather than a boring style • However, the last paragraph is not elegant. • Changing the key terms creates ‘noise” Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • There is a lot of other material in the paragraph that is difficult to follow; repeating “synthesis” gets rid of some “noise” and makes the whole easier to understand • In humans, apo-B100, mainly synthesised in the liver, and apoB48, mainly synthesised in the intestine, are the products of a single apo-B gene (ref.) The synthesis of apo-B48 in the human intestine is the result of an RNA-editing process that changes a glutamine codon (CAA) of the mRNA for apo-B100 into a translational stop codon (UAA). This apo-B mRNA editing process does not occur in human livers, so apo-B48 is not synthesised in human livers. However, the mRNA-editing process, and thus apoB48 synthesis, occurs in mouse and rat livers. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms exactly • D) A corollary: Do not use one key term for two meanings “ . . . Reduction of reduced glutathione . . .” • In chemistry, “reduced” means “deoxidised” • In this phrase “reduction” cannot also mean “deoxidised”, but probably “decreased” • It is clearest to write “decrease in reduced glutathione” Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Repeat key terms exactly • Repeat key terms early • Link key terms Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms early • Continuity is clearest if the key term is repeated early in the sentence • If the key term is delayed the reader is kept in suspense and continuity is lost Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms early • either as the subject or as an aspect of the subject • Subject • Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. Changes in the calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane cause this increased contractility. • Revision: • Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This increased contractility results from changes in calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms early • either as the subject or as an aspect of the subject • Aspect of the subject • Signals that confer localisation to the endoplasmic reticulum (ER) have been characterised in the cytoplasmic domain of many mammalian type I transmembrane proteins that reside in the ER and in the ER-Golgi intermediate compartment. One common feature of these signals is the presence of two lysine residues at positions -3 and -4 from the C-terminal end of the cytoplasmic domain (refs.) Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms early • The important point is that repeating the key term early in the next sentence is that the reader knows the relationship between the two sentences is clear early in the second sentence • The reader is not kept guessing until later in the sentence Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms early • If each new sentence starts with a new key term and the old key terms are repeated late, the story is difficult to follow • Here is an example Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms early • The ability to perform high-resolution genotyping for the purpose of genetic mapping depends on the availability of polymorphic markers at very high density. Single-base variations, reported on average at every 1 kb of the human genome, provide an attractive reservoir of polymorphisms. Mismatch repair detection is an in vivo method for the detection of DNA sequence variations. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Repeat key terms early • Revision: • The ability to perform high-resolution genotyping for the purpose of genetic mapping depends on the availability of polymorphic markers at very high density. An attractive reservoir of polymorphic markers is single-base variations, reported on average at every 1 kb of the human genome. An in vivo method for detecting single-base variations is mismatch repair detection. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Repeat key terms exactly • Repeat key terms early • Link key terms Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms when you shift from a specif term to a category term and vice versa • Use the category term to define the specific term • Place the definition either right after or right before the term to be defined • Set off the item in the “after” position by commas • Check that the definition repeats a key term from the previous sentence or prepares for one in the next sentence Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms • “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .” • Both oncogenes? • Clearly, the neu oncogene is one oncogene • What is the other one? Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms • To link a specific term to a category term, use a suppressed “which is” clause • “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .” • Revision: • “The v-erbB gene, (which is) an oncogene of the avian erythroblastosis virus, is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .” Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms • To link a specific term to a category term, use a suppressed “which is” clause • “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .” • Revision: • “The v-erbB gene, an oncogene of the avian erythroblastosis virus, is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .” Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms • “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .” • Revision: • “The v-erbB oncogene, is an oncogene of the avian erythroblastosis virus, related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .” Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms • “The v-erbB gene is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .” • Revision: • “The v-erbB oncogene, is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .” Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms • To link a specific term to a category term, use a suppressed “which is” clause • However, this short form is not always possible • We cannot say: • The mouse rodent . . . • We have to say: • The mouse, a rodent, . . . Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms • To link a category term to a specific term, use a suppressed “namely” phrase • The family of TGF-signaling molecules play inductive roles in various developmental contexts.1 One member of this family, (namely,) Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp),2 serves as a morphogen that patterns both the embryo2,3 and adult 4,5. • If the “namely” phrase “One member of this family” were omitted, the continuity between the two sentences would be broken Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms • To link a category term to a specific term, use a suppressed “namely” phrase • The family of TGF-signaling molecules play inductive roles in various developmental contexts.1 One member of this family, Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp),2 serves as a morphogen that patterns both the embryo2,3 and adult 4,5. • In this example the “namely phrase” appears right before the specific term Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp) Paragraph Structure Continuity • Link key terms • To link a category term to a specific term, use a suppressed “namely” phrase • The family of TGF-signaling molecules play inductive roles in various developmental contexts.1 Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp),2 one member of this family, serves as a morphogen that patterns both the embryo2,3 and adult 4,5. • But here it appears right after the specific term Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp) Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Using transitions to indicate relationships between ideas • Keeping consistent order • Keeping a consistent point of view • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph Paragraph Structure Continuity • Using transitions • For a paragraph to have continuity, the reader must understand not merely what each sentence says, but why the author is writing each sentence, and why at this particular point in the paragraph; how does the sentence relate to the story? Paragraph Structure Continuity • Using transitions • Lasers have found widespread application in medicine. Lasers play an important role in the treatment of eye disease and the prevention of blindness. The eye is ideally suited for laser surgery. Most of the eye tissue is transparent. The frequency and focus of the laser beam can be adjusted according to the absorption of the tissue. The beam ‘cuts” inside the eye with minimal damage to the surrounding tissue – even the tissue between the laser and the incision. Lasers are effective in treating some causes of blindness. Other treatments are not. The interaction between laser light and eye tissue is not fully understood. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Using transitions • Lasers have found widespread application in medicine. For example, Lasers they play an important role in the treatment of eye disease and the prevention of blindness. The eye is ideally suited for laser surgery. because most of the eye tissue is transparent. Because of this transparency the frequency and focus of the laser beam can be adjusted according to the absorption of the tissue. so that the beam ‘cuts” inside the eye with minimal damage to the surrounding tissue – even the tissue between the laser and the incision. Lasers are also more effective than other methods in treating some causes of blindness. Other treatments are not. However, the interaction between laser light and eye tissue is not fully understood. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Using transitions • Examples of transition words or phrases • • • • • • “therefore,” “thus “ (conclusions) “for example” (example) “first” (sequence) “in addition” (addition) “in contrast” (contrast) “however,” “on the other hand” ( difference) Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Using transitions to indicate relationships between ideas • Keeping consistent order • Keeping a consistent point of view • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph Paragraph Structure Continuity • Keeping consistent order • If you list two or more items in a topic sentence and then go on to describe or explain them, keep the same order. • If the sequence in the topic sentence was A, B, C, the supporting sentences should explain first A, the B and last C. Thus, the reader’s expectation is fulfilled • The supporting sentences should include all the items in the topic sentence • Do not include in the supporting sentences items that were not mentioned in the topic sentence Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Using transitions to indicate relationships between ideas • Keeping consistent order • Keeping a consistent point of view • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph Paragraph Structure Continuity • Keeping a consistent point of view • If the topic of two or more sentences is the same, the subjects of all of those sentences should be the same • Having the same subject in sentences that deal with the same topic is called keeping a consistent point of view • Use the same term or category of term • Using an inconsistent point of view disorients the reader Paragraph Structure Continuity • Keeping a consistent point of view • Same term • Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemiainduced changes in regional blood flow. In the cerebrum, the increase in blood flow caused by hypoxaemia was not significantly altered by propanolol. However, in other organs, such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in blood flow than did hypoxaemia alone. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Keeping a consistent point of view • Same term • Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemiainduced changes in regional blood flow. In the cerebrum, the increase in blood flow caused by hypoxaemia was not significantly altered by propanolol. However, in other organs, such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in blood flow than did hypoxaemia alone. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Keeping a consistent point of view • Same term • Revision: • Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemia-induced changes in regional blood flow. In the cerebrum, propanolol did not significantly alter the increase in blood flow caused by hypoxaemia. However, in other organs, such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in blood flow than did hypoxaemia alone. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Keeping a consistent point of view • Same category of term • The control injection of naloxone produced no significant changes in arterial blood pressure or heart rate. The arterial blood pressures and heart rates measured after 34 hours of morphine infusion did not change significantly. • The subject of the first sentence is the cause, that of the second, the effect • Point of view is inconsistent • Similarity is not easy to see • Both sentences should begin with the same category of term – the cause Paragraph Structure Continuity • Keeping a consistent point of view • Same category of term • Revision 1: • The control injection of naloxone produced no significant changes in arterial blood pressure or heart rate. Twenty four hours of morphione infusion produced no significant changes in the arterial blood pressure or heart rate. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Keeping a consistent point of view • The control injection of naloxone produced no significant changes in arterial blood pressure or heart rate. Twenty four hours of morphine infusion produced no significant changes in the arterial blood pressure or heart rate. • Now that we can see the similarity, we can combine the two sentences: • Neither the control injection of naloxone nor the 24h infusion morphine significantly altered arterial blood pressure or heart rate. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Using transitions to indicate relationships between ideas • Keeping consistent order • Keeping a consistent point of view • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph Paragraph Structure Continuity • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • This is an extension of consistent point of view • For sentences to have consistent form, only the subjects must be the same • To be parallel they need to have the same grammatical form Paragraph Structure Continuity • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • Parallel form is more effective than consistent point of view for • Contrasting ideas • Highlighting similarities • Vary the variable and keep the constant constant to make differences easy to see Paragraph Structure Continuity • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • The log10 function eliminated some waves. The factor that determined whether a wave was eliminated or amplified was the divisor. When the divisor was greater than the absolute value of the peak of a wave, the wave was eliminated. When the divisor was less than the absolute value of the peak of a wave, the wave was amplified. • The last two sentences are parallel sentences that support the point made in the second topic sentence The sentence patterns are the same: subject, verb, completer Furthermore, most of the words are the same; only the contrasts are different • • Paragraph Structure Continuity • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • Corollary: Do not use parallel form for non-parallel ideas • To determine whether cholinergic or adrenergic nerves mediate secretion of fluids from tracheal submucosal glands, we did experiments on glands excised from ferrets. To induce secretion, we stimulated the tissue both electrically and pharmacologically. To inhibit secretion, we added XXXX to the bathing solution. • All three sentences are in parallel form, infinitive + object, subject + verb + object • But the ideas are not parallel Paragraph Structure Continuity • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • • • • • Corollary: Do not use parallel form for non-parallel ideas To determine whether cholinergic or adrenergic nerves mediate secretion of fluids from tracheal submucosal glands, we did experiments on glands excised from ferrets. To induce secretion, we stimulated the tissue both electrically and pharmacologically. To inhibit secretion, we added XXXX to the bathing solution. The first sentence gives the overall purpose and the general type of experiments done The second and third give specific purposes and procedures Therefore, the ideas in the second and third sentences should be expressed in a different form Paragraph Structure Continuity • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • • • • • • Corollary: Do not use parallel form for non-parallel ideas To determine whether cholinergic or adrenergic nerves mediate secretion of fluids from tracheal submucosal glands, we did experiments on glands excised from ferrets. To induce secretion, we stimulated the tissue both electrically and pharmacologically. To inhibit secretion, we added XXXX to the bathing solution. Revision: To determine whether cholinergic or adrenergic nerves mediate secretion of fluids from tracheal submucosal glands, we did experiments on glands excised from ferrets. We induced secretion by stimulating the tissue both electrically and pharmacologically. We inhibited secretion adding XXXX to the bathing solution. The last two sentences have been changed But since they express similar ideas they are still in parallel form to each other, but not to the first sentence Paragraph Structure Continuity • Six techniques for creating continuity • Repeating key terms • Using transitions to indicate relationships between ideas • Keeping consistent order • Keeping a consistent point of view • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • We saw earlier that a paragraph should start with a topic sentence • Each subtopic within a paragraph should be signaled as soon as that sub-topic begins • So readers will know what it is before they start reading about it • Signals should be both visual and verbal Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • A new topic is signaled visually by a new paragraph and verbally by a topic sentence • A new sub-topic within a paragraph is signaled visually by a new sentence and verbally by putting the name of the sub-topic in a key term at the beginning of the sentence • The key term can be the subject of the sentence or the object in a transition phrase or clause Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Samples of inspired, end-tidal and mixed-expired gases were taken during the 2-hour wash-in period. Inspired gas samples were collected proximal to the non-rebreathing valve. End-tidal gas samples were collected through a catheter, the tip of which was placed near the tracheal end of the endotracheal tube. The endotracheal tube was connected to the non-rebreathing valve with flexible tubing, whose . . . Mixed-expired gas samples were collected distal to the aluminium mixing chamber. All gas samples were colelcted in 50ml glass syringes that were stored upright to . . . Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Sub-topics announced in topic sentence • Key term as the subject of a sentence • Samples of inspired, end-tidal and mixed-expired gases were taken during the 2-hour wash-in period. Inspired gas samples were collected proximal to the non-rebreathing valve. End-tidal gas samples were collected through a catheter, the tip of which was placed near the tracheal end of the endotracheal tube. The endotracheal tube was connected to the non-rebreathing valve with flexible tubing, whose . . . Mixed-expired gas samples were collected distal to the aluminium mixing chamber. All gas samples were colelcted in 50ml glass syringes that were stored upright to . . . Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Sub-topics announced in topic sentence • Key term in a transition phrase • Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemia-induced changes in regional blood flow. In the cerebrum, propanolol did not significantly alter the increase in blood flow caused by hypoxaemia. However, in other organs, such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in blood flow than did hypoxaemia alone. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Signaling parallel sub-topics • When sub-topics are parallel, the signals should also be parallel If a key term as the subject of the sentence signals the first topic, a key term as the subject of the sentence should also signal the second and all other sub-topics Similarly, if a key term in a transition phrase signals the first sub-topic, a key term in a transitional phrase should signal the secnd and all other sub-topics. • • Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Signaling sub-topics = signaling the organization Paragraph Structure Continuity • The topic sentence here implies that the paragraph will be organized by type of gas • And, the following sentences fulfill that expectation • Samples of inspired, end-tidal and mixed-expired gases were taken during the 2-hour wash-in period. Inspired gas samples were collected proximal to the non-rebreathing valve. End-tidal gas samples were collected through a catheter, the tip of which was placed near the tracheal end of the endotracheal tube. The endotracheal tube was connected to the non-rebreathing valve with flexible tubing, whose . . . Mixed-expired gas samples were collected distal to the aluminium mixing chamber. All gas samples were colelcted in 50ml glass syringes that were stored upright to . . . Paragraph Structure Continuity • Here, the topic sentence suggests that the paragraph will be organized by the region of blood flow, and again the expectation is fulfilled • Propanolol had variable effects on the hypoxaemiainduced changes in regional blood flow. In the cerebrum, propanolol did not significantly alter the increase in blood flow caused by hypoxaemia. However, in other organs, such as the gut and kidneys, and in the peripheral circulation, propanolol caused a more severe decrease in blood flow than did hypoxaemia alone. Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Sub-topics not announced in the topic sentence • • • Even if the topic sentence does not name more than one topic, the paragraph might contain a sub-topic Especially important to signal the sub-topic by naming it at the beginning of the sentence Remember, the reader is not prepared for a subtopic, since it was not in the topic sentence Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Sub-topics not announced in the topic sentence • Pulmonary nerve endings were relatively insensitive to phenyl diguanide. Of 25 pulmonary nerve endings tested, only 10 were stimulated when this drug was injected into the right atrium, and in only one of these did firing exceed 2.2 impulses/s. If the latter ending is excluded, the average peak frequency of the endings stimulated was only 1.7 impulses/s. The exception, which fired with an average frequency of 17.4 impulses/s at the peak of the response, was encountered in the only dog in which right atrial injection of phenyl diguanide evoked reflex bradycardia within the pulmonary circulation time. . . . Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Sub-topics not announced in the topic sentence • Pulmonary nerve endings were relatively insensitive to phenyl diguanide. Of 25 pulmonary nerve endings tested, only 10 were stimulated when this drug was injected into the right atrium, and in only one of these did firing exceed 2.2 impulses/s. If the latter ending is excluded, the average peak frequency of the endings stimulated was only 1.7 impulses/s. The exception, which fired with an average frequency of 17.4 impulses/s at the peak of the response, was encountered in the only dog in which right atrial injection of phenyl diguanide evoked reflex bradycardia within the pulmonary circulation time. . . . Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Duration of a signal • When a sub-topic is signaled at the beginning of a sentence, the signal holds until you change it • The sub-topic carries over into the next sentence • We saw that in the paragraph about blood gases Paragraph Structure Continuity • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph • Duration of a signal • Samples of inspired, end-tidal and mixed-expired gases were taken during the 2-hour wash-in period. Inspired gas samples were collected proximal to the non-rebreathing valve. End-tidal gas samples were collected through a catheter, the tip of which was placed near the tracheal end of the endotracheal tube. The endotracheal tube was connected to the non-rebreathing valve with flexible tubing, whose . . . Mixed-expired gas samples were collected distal to the aluminium mixing chamber. All gas samples were colelcted in 50ml glass syringes that were stored upright to . . . Paragraph Structure • A paragraph is a number of sentences on a single topic • To tell a clear story • The ideas must be organized • The continuity must be clear • Important ideas must be emphasised Paragraph Structure Emphasis • The reader needs to know what is important • Not all information in a paragraph, or in a paper, is equally important • Emphasize important information • De-emphasize the less important Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Six Techniques of Emphasis • Condensing or omitting less important information • Subordinating less important information • Placing important information in a power position • Labeling important information • Repeating important information • Stating rather than implying important information Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Six Techniques of Emphasis • Condensing or omitting less important information • Subordinating less important information • Placing important information in a power position • Labeling important information • Repeating important information • Stating rather than implying important information Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Condensing or Omitting • In many published papers the unimportant information outweighs the important information, so we cannot “see the forest for the trees.” • Find a balance between telling everything you know and getting a message across to the reader • The more “noise,” the less message Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Condensing or Omitting • Omitting is easy • Just do not put it in the paper • Condensing is often accomplished in combination with the other five techniques Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Six Techniques of Emphasis • Condensing or omitting less important information • Subordinating less important information • Placing important information in a power position • Labeling important information • Repeating important information • Stating rather than implying important information Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Subordinating • Place less important information in a subordinate clause • We chose a period equal to three times the time constant because 96% of the change in anaesthetic concentration within a compartment, and likewise 95% of the recovery from a compartment, should occur during this period. These percentages are rough estimates of the amount distributed to and subsequently recovered from each compartment. However, the distinct separation of these compartments means that most anaesthetic eliminated from each compartment should occur during the periods we chose. Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Subordinating • Place less important information in a subordinate clause • We chose a period equal to three times the time constant because 95% of the change in anaesthetic concentration within a compartment, and likewise 95% of the recovery from a compartment, should occur during this period. These percentages are rough estimates of the amount distributed to and subsequently recovered from each compartment. However, the distinct separation of these compartments means that most anaesthetic eliminated from each compartment should occur during the periods we chose. Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Subordinating • Place less important information in a subordinate clause • Revision: • We chose a period equal to three times the time constant because 95% of the change in anaesthetic concentration within a compartment, and likewise 95% of the recovery from a compartment, should occur during this period. Although these percentages are rough estimates of the amount distributed to and subsequently recovered from each compartment. However, the distinct separation of these compartments means that most anaesthetic eliminated from each compartment should occur during the periods we chose. Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Subordinating • Place less important information in a subordinate clause • Revision: • We chose a period equal to three times the time constant because 95% of the change in anaesthetic concentration within a compartment, and likewise 95% of the recovery from a compartment, should occur during this period. Although these percentages are rough estimates, the distinct separation of these compartments means that most anaesthetic eliminated from each compartment should occur during the periods we chose. Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Six Techniques of Emphasis • Condensing or omitting less important information • Subordinating less important information • Placing important information in a power position • Labeling important information • Repeating important information • Stating rather than implying important information Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Power Position • Power positions in a paragraph are first and last • Middle position is the “burial ground” • An important point in the middle of several sentences of results is almost invisible Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Power Position • Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after installation of serum alone or serum with epinephrine or terbutaline (Table 1). Laft arterial pressure fell slightly below the baseline after all three treatments, but the decrease was statistically significant only after epinephrine (Table 1). Peak airway pressure increased slightly after all three treatments, but the increase was statistically significant only for epinephrine and terbutaline (Table 1). There was a significant increase in lung lymph flow and a significant decrease in the lymph-to-plasma protein concentration ratio after all three treatments. Both the rise in lymph flow and the decrease in the lymph-to-plasma proteing concentration ratio were greater after terbutaline and epinephrine than after serum alone (Table 2). Arterial oxygen tension decreased after all three treatments, although it was greater than 85 mmHg. Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Power Position • AARRRGGGHH!!! • How can I tell what is important in that paragraph? • The most important sentence is buried in the middle Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Power Position • Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after instillation of serum alone or serum with epinephrine or terbutaline (Table 1). Left arterial pressure fell slightly below the baseline after all three treatments, but the decrease was statistically significant only after epinephrine (Table 1). Peak airway pressure increased slightly after all three treatments, but the increase was statistically significant only for epinephrine and terbutaline (Table 1). There was a significant increase in lung lymph flow and a significant decrease in the lymph-to-plasma protein concentration ratio after all three treatments. Both the rise in lymph flow and the decrease in the lymph-to-plasma proteing concentration ratio were greater after terbutaline and epinephrine than after serum alone (Table 2). Arterial oxygen tension decreased after all three treatments, although it was greater than 85 mmHg. Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Power Position • The most important sentence is buried in the middle • It should be the first sentence in the paragraph Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Power Position • Revision: • Assuming that earlier paragraphs included the identification and explanation of some of the terms, we can combine parts of the first sentence with the important one • Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after instillation of serum alone or serum with epinephrine or terbutaline (Table 1). Laft arterial pressure fell slightly below the baseline after all three treatments, but the decrease was statistically significant only after epinephrine (Table 1). Peak airway pressure increased slightly after all three treatments, but the increase was statistically significant only for epinephrine and terbutaline (Table 1). There was a significant increase in lung lymph flow and a significant decrease in the lymphto-plasma protein concentration ratio after all three treatments. Both the rise in lymph flow and the decrease in the lymph-to-plasma proteing concentration ratio were greater after terbutaline and epinephrine than after serum alone (Table 2). Arterial oxygen tension decreased after all three treatments, although it was greater than 85 mmHg. Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Power Position • Revision: • Assuming that earlier paragraphs included the identification and explanation of some of the terms, we can combine parts of the first sentence with the important one and place it at the beginning of the paragraph. We can then condense the three sentences of least important results into one sentence, placed at the end • Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after serum was instilled, either alone or with one of the two beta-adrenergic agonists, lung lymph flow increased and the lymph-to-plasma protein concentration ratio decreased. Both of these changes were greater after terbutaline and epinephrine than after serum alone (Table 2). Arterial oxygen tension decreased, although it was always greater than 85 mmHg. There were no important changes in haemodynamics or peak airway pressure (Table 1). Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Power Position • Revision: • In addition, two other techniques of condensing are used • The treatments are named at the beginning of the paragraph so they do not need to be repeated • A category term, “changes” is used to avoid repeating what increased and deacreased • Mean pulmonary artery pressure and cardiac output did not change after serum was instilled, either alone or with one of the two beta-adrenergic agonists, lung lymph flow increased and the lymph-to-plasma protein concentration ratio decreased. Both of these changes were greater after terbutaline and epinephrine than after serum alone (Table 2). Arterial oxygen tension decreased, although it was always greater than 85 mmHg. There were no important changes in haemodynamics or peak airway pressure (Table 1). Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Six Techniques of Emphasis • Condensing or omitting less important information • Subordinating less important information • Placing important information in a power position • Labeling important information • Repeating important information • Stating rather than implying important information Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Labeling • “The most important finding of this study is . . .” • Or • “The most unusual aspect of the Odr-7 sequence is . . .” Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Labeling • Similarly, less important information can be labeled • “There were no important changes in . . .” Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Six Techniques of Emphasis • Condensing or omitting less important information • Subordinating less important information • Placing important information in a power position • Labeling important information • Repeating important information • Stating rather than implying important information Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Repeating • The most important information in a paper is the message • It can be stated in the Results • It can be repeated in the Abstract and in the Discussion • It can be repeated in the Discussion by being stated both at the beginning and at the end Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Repeating • Similarly, in individual paragraphs, the message of the paragraph can be emphasised by being stated in a topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph and again in a topic sentence at the end Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Six Techniques of Emphasis • Condensing or omitting less important information • Subordinating less important information • Placing important information in a power position • Labeling important information • Repeating important information • Stating rather than implying important information Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Stating rather than implying • Do not make the reader figure out what is important. • State it Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Stating rather than implying • The final variable that can shift the pressure-dimension curve acutely is change in temperature. Rectal temperature was monitored in many dogs and tended to drift downward from 38 to 36C. The greatest shift in temperature (to 36C) occurred during the thoracotomy and then the temperature usually remained stable. Templeton et al. (38) reported greater cardiac muscle stiffness and greater diastolic pressure consistent with a leftward shift in the pressure-dimension curve at 33C (PLVED, 6.6 mmHg) than at 37C ((PLVED, 1.8 mmHg). The major increase in diastolic pressure came at temperatures below 35C. The authors believed that the elevation in diastolic pressure was mediated by changes in viscous rather than elastic properties. However, 1) all recorded temperatures in the present study were greater than 35C, 2) temperature was usually stable during the experimental protocol at 37C, and 3) there was no evidence that viscous factors changed during maximal coronary blood flow. Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Stating rather than implying • Again, AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! • When we get half way through this paragraph, our eyes begin to glaze over and we are lost. • Although we can understand what many of the sentences in the second half of the paragraph are saying (maybe), we wonder why we are ‘hearing” them • What is the message of all this detail? Paragraph Structure Emphasis • Stating rather than implying • Revision: • The final variable that can shift the pressure-dimension curve acutely is change in temperature. Rectal temperature was monitored in many dogs and tended to drift downward from 38 to 36C. The greatest shift in temperature (to 36C) occurred during the thoracotomy and then the temperature usually remained stable. Templeton et al. (38) reported greater cardiac muscle stiffness and greater diastolic pressure consistent with a leftward shift in the pressure-dimension curve at 33C (PLVED, 6.6 mmHg) than at 37C ((PLVED, 1.8 mmHg). The major increase in diastolic pressure came at temperatures below 35C. The authors believed that the elevation in diastolic pressure was mediated by changes in viscous rather than elastic properties. However, 1) all recorded temperatures in the present study were greater than 35C, 2) temperature was usually stable during the experimental protocol at 37C, and 3) there was no evidence that viscous factors changed during maximal coronary blood flow. This change in temperature probably did not shift the pressure-dimension curve, since a leftward shift has been reported only at temperatures below 35C (38). Paragraph Structure • Summary • To tell a clear story a paragraph must have • Organisation • Continuity • Emphasis Paragraph Structure • Summary • Organisation • Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences • No missing steps in logic Paragraph Structure • Summary • Continuity • Repeating key terms • Using transitions to indicate relationships between ideas • Keeping consistent order • Keeping a consistent point of view • Putting parallel ideas in parallel form • Signaling the sub-topics of a paragraph Paragraph Structure • Summary • Emphasis • Condensing or omitting less important information • Subordinating less important information • Placing important information in a power position • Labeling important information • Repeating important information • Stating rather than implying important information Writing • Thesis • Chapters • Paragraphs − Sentences – Words Writing • • • • • • • • • • Chapters Introduction Materials and Methods Results Discussion References Tables Illustrations Acknowledgements Etc. Consult Advisor • Details on Thesis structure • Style • Etc. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION
