Download Part 1: Basics

Lesson 1:
Part 1: Basics
Introduction to this training
Objective:
The students will increase their awareness
for the need of mental health training
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and
know my anxious thoughts.
Mike:
It’s a hot day here at the training center. I’m thankful for
the water they offered me. It reminds me of the hot days in
the Arab country where I served. There were so many
changes that I went through there, even the heat there
seemed different. I know China heat, but it seemed that
with all the things I had to learn about in that country, I
even had to learn about the heat. This was something I was
seldom aware of in China. It was just there, I had known it
my whole life. I had already learned about it and put it out
of my current thinking. I made decisions about how to deal
with the heat without really focusing on it; what to wear,
how to adjust to changes. In China, I didn’t give these
decisions or actions a second thought, but in my Arab
country, especially in the early days, I had to relearn
weather and how to respond to it. The ways the Arabs
responded to it were very different. Not wrong or right,
just different. It was a whole new world.
I am sitting before a training group waiting to be called
upon to share my experiences with brothers and sisters that
I know little about. I am a little nervous about speaking to
the group. I wonder if I will be able to help them with their
preparations. I wonder if they are really seeking to learn or
just listening with politeness. I remember when I was first
preparing to go. It was an exciting time. I had to wait for
what seemed to be an eternity. Oh, if only I could have
that time back; there would be several things I would
change.
Lord, help me to relax in your peace. Please give me the
words that you would like for me to share with this group.
Thank you for being here with me as you have always been
with me. Prepare their hearts and minds for the service you
have called them to do. Give them your strength and
courage for the days ahead.
{Leader introduces Mike}…..Brother Mike has recently
returned from his country of service and has come to share
about his experiences.
“Hi, my name is Mike and I come from Hunan province. I
am returning from ***** where I spent 2 years laboring to
share the gospel in a country where Islam is the political,
cultural, and spiritual religion for the people. I hope that as
I share my life and my experiences, the Lord will use this
to build you up for His work.
First, I would like to share a little about the process that I
went through, beginning with my conversion. I came from
Changsha, the capital city of Hunan. I worked as a laborer
in a factory. Several years ago, a coworker shared about
Jesus. Although I was skeptical, I also found that I was
hungry for more that just daily existence. I watched him
for several months, and I began to realize that he seemed to
have more life, even as a factory worker. He invited me to
a ‘fellowship’ meeting and I agreed to go. There I met
many who seemed to have more life than what I was living.
Soon I began to go regularly and later accepted Christ as
my Savior. Four years ago I was baptized. Although I
continued to work at the factory, I also worked hard to
study the Bible and grow as a Christian. Three years ago, I
began to grow a heart to be a missionary. The leader of my
fellowship, who had been disciplining me, encouraged me,
and I began to pray for God’s leading. Today, I want to
share with you the path I went down. I am grateful for the
Father’s grace, especially for those times I felt I was in the
dark and I was unsure what was happening or what I
needed to do. I hope that through this training your path
will have light from what He has shown me through my
experiences.
When I was informed that I was chosen to go to ***** as a
missionary, I was very excited. For many days my mind
was consumed with questions and excitement. I had asked
myself these questions many times before, but now they
needed real answers, not just my wishful thinking answers.
I had thought many times about what would be important
for me to take in my limited luggage. I wondered how I
would make the necessary travel plans and connections to
get to my country. And I wondered what would make the
greatest impact on the locals that I would soon begin to
meet. There were many questions, big and small, important
and less important, and they consumed more and more of
my focus. It was difficult to concentrate on my job, but
somehow I managed. I look back on that time with
fondness but also with the desire to change some of my
actions. In the midst of all those questions, I had a simple
approach toward preparation: pack my bag, learn about the
country and people I would be serving, and go, with most
of the focus on… GOING. Go, and preach the gospel. I
now know that there were many other things that would
have helped me to be better prepared.
One of those was simply the realization that I needed to
prepare mentally and emotionally. God was gracious, but
much of my time in ***** was a great struggle because I
didn’t fully prepare. I did have a little training but nothing
that was systematic and very little that focused on how to
deal with all the emotions involved in experiencing so
many changes in my life. I hope I can share some things in
this training that will save you some of the struggles that I
went through.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was about to go through
some of the biggest changes I had ever experienced in my
life. I was challenged physically, emotionally, mentally,
and spiritually.
I remember that soon after I arrived I got sick out in public.
The roads in the city I serve in are not very good; very
bumpy. I had finished spending time with a friend. We had
lunch together, and I was returning on the bus to my
apartment. It was a rather long trip, and my stomach didn’t
feel good with the bumpy ride. I felt like I would throw-up.
The bus came to a stop, and I got off. If I didn’t, I knew I
would throw-up on the bus. Once outside, I couldn’t find a
place that seemed right but couldn’t wait. Finally I chose a
place off the main travel area and threw up on the ground.
Some Arab men saw me, and I could tell from their faces
and the tone of their voices that they thought what I did was
disgusting. At the time, I thought to myself, what else am I
supposed to do? After thatI began to watch the local
people and note their behaviors. The whole time I was
there I never did see a person throw-up in public. Since
that time I have learned that Arabs are very particular about
being clean, especially the appearance of being clean. I felt
embarrassed and ashamed and quickly left the area. I had
done what seemed right to me, and I still don’t think it was
wrong, but the look on their faces really affected me
emotionally.
There are many experiences that taught me how to better
relate to locals so I could make a positive impact for the
gospel. Many of those you can prepare for now, before you
leave for your country. I remember that I was told several
things about what I would experience in going to another
country, but I was full of excitement at the time and few of
these did I remember when I finally reached my country of
service. To help you prepare, I would encourage you to
purchase a notebook. In the notebook you can record key
teachings on each step of your training. Find another
brother or sister with whom you can share what you are
learning through this process. Encourage them to ask you
questions related to your preparations and application of the
training. I would also encourage you to imagine having a
mental backpack. In your backpack, you will have
different compartments to put the tools you will need for
this journey you are about to start.
So what goes into the backpack of a missionary? When I
worked in the factory I had a small bag with a few tools in
it that I used to help me complete my work. The tools were
not fancy; they were basic and well used. I learned to use
each of the tools in my bag, and they made my work much
easier. This is the same for the missionary tool bag. The
tools don’t need to be fancy. They need to be useful, and
you need to practice developing the skills to use them. The
time before you go is the easiest time to practice because
when you are in the field you will have little time for
practice. You will find that some of the tools you will need
you have already been practicing with. Scripture will be
your most important tool. It will serve as a manual for
working through the problems you will face on the field.
Continue to memorize His truths, especially those related to
your relationship with Him and with others. Matthew
22:37-40 And He said to him, “You shall love the Lord
your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and
with all your mind. This is the great and foremost
commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your
neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend
the whole Law and the Prophets.” You may have
memorized these verses, but they will take on a higher level
of relevance as you leave the comfort of China and enter a
strange land.
I remember when this verse jumped out at me in ******. It
seems so minor now, but then it was such a major struggle.
As I mentioned earlier, if you don’t already have one, I
would encourage you to purchase a notebook, today. Don’t
put it on a list of things to do; get one now. Use it to record
your training, experiences, questions, and your growth. So
many things were said to me and thought by me during my
time of preparation that sadly I had forgotten or had a
vague recollection of when I needed them. During my
training, new thoughts came in and pushed older ones out,
and I didn’t make a record to help me remember.
Another tool I would encourage you to have to use is a
calendar. Use it for appointments, but also schedule study
time, practice time, and lots of time where you can reflect
with God the things He is teaching you. I learned that
training is different than education. I can memorize a verse
in the Bible and quickly recite it if called upon. But it is
not until I use that verse in my daily life that it comes alive
in me. Training is about practicing with the information
and tools I have learned. Use your calendar to make sure
you are getting time to practice the things He is teaching
you.
When I first learned about going, I was like a man newly
engaged to be married, full of excitement but also having
some apprehension. It is difficult to think clearly in these
times, and much of what people tried to teach me in the
days before I left didn’t register with me till I was in
******. How I wished that I would have bridled some of
my emotion so that I could think more clearly and take on
the work of preparing to be a missionary.
I’m sure there are a number of questions that you have, and
we will have time for those as this training course continues,
but for now I have some questions for you. I think they can
help you explore where you are at in your process and help
keep you moving forward. For this session, I have included
questions that focus on your current situation. Try to fully
explore these questions with your small group and listen to
what they have to share. You may find that they are
experiencing some of the same things that you are
experiencing. Remember that this is a work time, a time
intended for you to learn and grow.
Discussion/Self-reflection questions:
We all have first impressions about events or actions in our
life. Take a few minutes to share your current
impressions about the work you will be doing, the
people you will meet, the culture you will face and the
changes and challenges you will face in your country of
service. It’s okay that your answers are mostly impressions
without a lot of detailed facts. The focus of this sharing is
impressions rather than information.
Although I had many who supported me in my calling to an
Arab nation and was confident that God was calling me,
there were some who were unsure. Are there some in
your life who don’t fully understand the work you are
called to do? How does their influence affect your
preparations to serve in another country?
I found that there were many things that helped me to be
prepared: the scripture I had memorized, even previous
struggles I worked through helped to prepare me. You are
not starting on this trip empty handed. God has been
preparing you for a long time. Take time now to identify
the top 3 things that you believe have helped prepare
you to live in a different country.
Individual activity: Obtain a notebook and record your
responses to this training session and what you shared
about the discussion questions. Include any points or
thoughts that made an impact on you which were shared
from others in the group.
There are two main reasons for keeping a notebook: First,
to have a place where you can record the things God is
currently doing in your life, a record to which you can refer
for guidance during times of struggle. Rarely do we
receive information and training at the exact time that we
need to use it. Keeping a notebook will keep the training
fresh for the time when it is needed. Secondly, it is easier
to organize our thoughts and release the build-up of our
emotions when we write them out. We can identify
patterns or struggles in our life over the course of several
days or weeks of journaling.
I would encourage you to daily write in your notebook.
Many days you will only have a few key thoughts for that
day, on other days you will have much to record. Having a
pattern of daily recording in your notebook will help you
make the most of your preparation time. Because of
confidential issues in your country of service, before you
leave China you may need to transcribe your journal into a
form that would be benign if found by others in your
country of service. You can use key words of thoughts to
remind you of the training details when you are in the field.
Lesson 2:
Humility
Objective:
The student will understand the role of
humility in the areas of preparation, adjustment, and growth
in cross-cultural ministry.
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of
God, that He may exalt you at the proper time. 1 Peter 5:6
Intro to lesson:
The focus of this session is to keep our mind on our
limitations and His abilities. Surrendering our will and our
desire to His will, His direction, His choices for our life
even when we don’t understand them.
As we focus on the task of preparing to leave, we can look
to Jesus as an example. It is clear to see that Jesus humbled
Himself to the Father. Jesus as a child was found in His
Father’s house learning about scripture. Later, when all
indications showed He was ready to begin ministry, we see
Him being lead into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit for
another 40 days of preparation, being tested by Satan.
Even Jesus didn’t strive to do His work by His own
strength or make decisions based on His own thinking. In
John 5:19, we see that He does what He sees the Father
doing. He humbles Himself and follows the Father’s will
and leading. So too, our humility is needed to do the work
He has called us to do.
…Mike speaking to the training class…
Today we are going to focus on strengthening our humility.
I have come to believe that our humility to God is the most
important action we can take. We did this when we
accepted Jesus as our Savior. We realized that we needed
the salvation offered by Christ, we needed the forgiveness
of our sin, and nothing we could do by our own strength
would be enough. Humility is also needed in our daily life.
As you live in a different country you will find yourself
again learning about the need for humility in new ways.
I want to read to you part of my journal. It was early in
my experience of being in a foreign country. First, let me
give you a little background to show you part of how I
needed to grow in humility. As I recall, it was a fairly
normal day. What I mean is that I wasn’t struggling with
any major problems. I had gotten through the adjustment
of moving to a different time zone. The first couple of days
were difficult, always feeling tired and yet excited and
unsure. For the first week, my team members helped me
make some of the basic adjustments, like where to buy food,
where to exchange money, how to travel in the city. The
newness of being in country was wearing off, and the
emotional excitement of coming here was over. Now I was
living out the day-to-day ‘routines’.
Journal entry…Here I am 3 weeks into this country and I
feel lost, helpless, and surrounded. Why is this so difficult;
why didn’t I prepare better? I had so much time, time I
spent daydreaming on what it would be like instead of
practicing and training. Everything I see and smell and
hear here is foreign to me. I could have worked harder at
learning the language. Now I am surrounded by it, and I
feel overwhelmed.
I am doing it again, daydreaming about what could have
been rather than focusing on what is happening right now.
What did my pastor tell me? “Mike, there will be a day,
maybe many days where you will feel overwhelmed by
what you are experiencing. When that day comes; slow
down, take a deep breath, focus your mind on the Lord, and
take small steps.
Lord, help me to take small steps and the steps that you
reveal to me. By your grace I will rest in you. You are my
strength….
Thankfully, God brought back the memory of my pastor’s
words. As you can see, my emotions at times were strong.
Some days I would get so frustrated when things wouldn’t
go well. I would hold on to that frustration, and a few days
later it would be too much for me, and I would end up
feeling overwhelmed. Did you catch my words? “Too
much for me.” Of course it was too much for me. I was
living in a strange country, with customs, a language, and
an environment that were so different from what I grew up
with in Hubei. But even more true is that I have no real
strength apart from what He gives me. I need to be
dependent on Him daily, yet I found myself “leaning on my
own understanding” - trying to do things without really
letting God supply the strength, the guidance, and
particularly the patience to deal with the those things
effectively. Something He has specifically told me not to
do in Proverbs 3:5,6. This was especially true with my
emotions. I felt that others were doing much better than me
in their adjustments, and if I were strong in faith, I
wouldn’t have these emotions. Later, when our team
became more open with each other, I found out that
everyone on the team had days like this. During these
times, the action of humility that made life easier was
sharing my day with others, opening up to them, and
allowing them to pray for me. It required me to return to
the truth that my strength was limited and I needed to rest
in Him, to let Him give me the strength for the struggle I
was having. I found that as I worked on my humility, a
peace would enter, and even though the circumstances
didn’t change, I changed. He changed my attitude, and I
could deal with those difficulties with calmness, knowing
He was in control and I just needed to follow Him. I wish I
could tell you that once I learned this I never struggled
again, but it would not be true. Struggles continued to
come, and sometimes I would take them on in my strength,
and at other times I would rest in Him. I continue to grow
and need to grow in my humility to Him. I think it will be
a life-long task. I can say that by His grace I am returning
to this truth more quickly than in the past, so my times of
feeling overwhelmed are shorter. Praise the Lord.
Looking back on my preparations, I can now see that my
journal statement was an exaggeration based on my
emotions. I believe I did well in my connections with
people before I left. In learning Arabic; I could have
always used more time studying before I arrived, but where
I feel I didn’t prepare well is with my emotions. I was
excited to go, and I wasn’t aware that I needed to deal with
my emotions before leaving. I thought excitement was a
good thing that didn’t need to be looked into. What I have
since learned is that once the emotion of excitement fades,
other emotions become stronger. From my journal entry,
you can see that I learned this truth three weeks after I
arrived.
Another area that required my humility was in making
adjustments. The whole time I lived outside of China I felt
like I was making adjustments. Most of the changes had
nothing to do with my faith directly. They were cultural.
There were many customs, behaviors, and attitudes that
were so different from China. The temptation was to
analyze and judge the Muslim culture, to resist making
changes that I didn’t feel were important. There are aspects
of living in another country that challenged my faith. The
strongest came from Arabs who encouraged me to believe
in the Koran and Muslim teachings. I knew I needed to
maintain my belief and behavior and not let this new
culture change my faith. However, there were many
differences that didn’t attack my faith but were simply part
of a different culture.
I remember a conversation with Sarah. She lived in a
different Muslim city than I and dealt with an issue that I
didn’t have to face directly. I have asked her to join us
today to share her experience. Sarah please share with us
what you learned.
Sarah speaking… “Thank you, Mike for this opportunity.
You know, one of the most difficult adjustments for me
was my attitude toward wearing a head covering. In my
ministry city, the women were expected to wear the
Abayah and Hijab. The Abayah is a covering for the body
and goes over regular clothes. The Hijab is the head
covering. In the area where I worked, the women wore a
Hijab that covered the head but not the face. It was hot and
uncomfortable, and I felt belittled and hidden. I wasn’t
trying to hide from people. I wanted to meet them. How
could I do that while wearing all these covering clothes?
These are clothes that a woman is supposed to wear at all
times in public.
For awhile, I was rebellious to this custom. I could get
away with not wearing it because I was a foreigner. I
would wear a scarf sometimes but at other times I was
defiant to the custom. I don’t know what other foreigners
were called to do, but in my time with God I began to sense
that He was focusing on my stubbornness, that in this area
He wanted me to surrender my will to Him. I decided to
make this change as part of my humility to Him. After a
few months of wearing the Hijab, I learned that in my
community wearing a head covering was seen as being
modest and moral. Once I learned this, it became part of
my life without hesitation. God wanted me to be modest
and moral, and He knew how this community defined
moral behavior in their clothing. I noticed a new foreigner
arrive in my apartment complex. She didn’t wear the Hijab.
I began to observe her when our paths crossed, and I
noticed that she seemed set apart from the local women in
the complex. Muslim women had little to do with her.
They would be polite, but it seemed that the woman’s bold
showing of her head distanced the local women and made
them feel uncomfortable. I reflected on my own
adjustments. I had become more comfortable with wearing
the Hijab and had made it part of my daily life. It hadn’t
changed my faith in any way, but it did seem to remove
some of the distance with Muslim women. They were still
distant but became more interactive with me in daily
activities, such as buying food. As time continued,
opportunities developed to become closer with the women,
something that would not have developed in my city if I
had not made this adjustment. God called me to humble
myself to Him, and as I did He was able to work through
me and reach a few of the women and begin to work His
truth into their lives. It was a work that He had very much
wanted to do.”
Sarah and I both had struggles that required our humility to
work through. There are also examples from scripture
where we see a similar kind of struggle. Peter surely had
some lessons to learn about humility, and these lessons also
dealt with his emotions. He very much wanted to be a
strong follower of Jesus, and most of the time he was. Yet
there were times when his emotions of fear toward peer
pressure became strong and sidetracked his commitment to
Jesus. Denying Christ shortly after being told he would
deny him was one example. He so wanted to stay by Jesus’
side when they took Him away. He was the only disciple
that we know of who was in the same area as Jesus. But
while waiting, he was identified as a follower and under
that pressure he gave in and denied Christ. Maybe that is
part of the meaning of 1 Peter 5:6, that we will have times
where we are not lifted up, times where we struggle with
ourselves or our circumstances, times where we have to
choose our way or His way; and times where we humbly
return to Him after going our own way. There are many
other examples in scripture that you can find people
struggling with the task of humility. I encourage you to
take some time later to search for them.
In this last area I want to point out to you the importance of
humility to growth. When I was a child I remember the
planting of our small family garden. We planted vegetables,
and I remember how hard the seeds were when they went
into the ground, yet a short time later a small plant would
break through the ground. As a child, I wondered how that
happened. I later learned how the seed changed from a
hard seed to a fragile new sprout. The seed had to become
humble in order to grow. It would have to break out of its
shell but needed water and soil and warmth from the sun.
On the field it is easy to be a hard seed. Existing from day
to day but not really growing. Routines can become a hard
shell around us where we look like we are doing well but
actually we are just going through the motions of life. For
short periods, this happened several times for me on the
field. It would take a few days before I would realize what
was happening. I would just seem to dry up spiritually.
Becoming aware of this was the first step that I needed to
make a change toward humility. Finding some extra time
to connect with God was my second needed step. Because
of the closeness of relationship in our team, a team member
would sometimes notice this dried up behavior before I
would. He would gently ask about my life. Usually
through talking with him I would become aware of my
struggle. We would pray, and then I would look for that
extra time to be with the Father.
So many things can stunt a person’s growth, and just like
our family garden there are many different types of plants
growing. Spiritual development, team relationships,
language acquisition, cultural awareness, developing
connections and relationships with locals are just a few of
the areas of growth occurring while on the field. Growth
takes constant tending. And with so many areas to be
growing in on the field, it can become a strain. Humility to
God is the key that opens the way for Him to supply what
is needed for each area of growth He is tending. We will
talk more about these things in later trainings. For now I
would like for you to answer a few questions about your
own life.
Small Group Discussion Questions:
We all fall short of the glory of God. We struggle with our
desires of wanting to feel good, to be safe, to be in control
of the situations we face. After hearing about the struggles
Sarah and I went through, reflect on your own life. Where
have you struggled with humility? Like the examples we
shared with you, share with your group a specific time and
situation where you struggled with humility.
We also all go through adjustments in our life. To learn
how we tend to make changes we can look at our past and
see the process we went through to make those changes.
So, What lifestyle adjustments did you make when you
became a Christian? Was the process easy or difficult?
What specific steps did you take that helped you make
these changes?
And for the last discussion question, share with your group
an example where you were growing strong. What helped
you to make that growth? How did God work through
people and situations to make that growth possible?
And how did your humility to His work affect the
outcome?
Journal Homework:
What did I learn about myself through the
training/small group discussion? How can I practice
humility before I leave for my country?
What are two or three ways I can practice humility while I
am serving on the field?
Continue to work hard on your journals. It may seem like a
task of business now, but it will be a valuable source of
help to you once you are on the field.
Lesson 3:
Preparing to leave
Objective:
The student will understand the importance
of healthy goodbyes and the basic needs in preparing to
leave ‘home’.
Verse: James 1:8b… he is a double-minded man, unstable
in all he does.
Mike sharing with the training class: “James applies this
truth to prayer in verses 6 and 7; however, this truth applies
to any situation where our mind or heart is split. In this
training, it can apply to the person preparing to leave for
the mission field. Many times that person is excited to go
and begin to learn and to minister, while another part is sad
to be leaving friends, family, fellowship, and familiar
places. I found that I couldn’t just turn off all these
thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t pretend that they didn’t
matter. I also couldn’t deny that I was called to go. And I
couldn’t deny that I was both excited and apprehensive
about going. Does it sound like I was mixed up? I sure felt
that way at times. I had so many conflicting thoughts and
emotions. What could I do?
I started asking others who had been on the field to hear
from those who had already gone through what I was
experiencing, especially in saying goodbyes. I met a sister
named Sally. She had left for the field two years ago and
had recently returned. Here is part of our conversation…..
“Mike, I think it is so good for you to be exploring this now.
You still have time for God to direct you and to show you
His path in preparing you to leave. When I was preparing
to go, I had many of the same feelings you expressed. I
went to God and poured them out to Him. He gave me two
main themes to meditate on. Connect and close. My life,
the 2-3 months before leaving, needed to mostly be about
connecting with people and bringing to a healthy end the
parts of my life that would end when I left.”
I thought and prayed about what Sally had said. The more
I thought about it, the more I became convinced that she
had not only shared a truth for her life but also for mine.
Through another brother, I was shown the consequences of
not connecting.
Mike talking with brother Sam:
“Hello, Mike, how are you doing?”
“Hello, Sam. I’m doing fine. I leave for ****** next week
so I’m making last minute visits and preparations.”
“Wow, one week till you leave. What is that like?”
“I think it is going well. I have worked hard to make
contact with the people I need to see and talk to. I feel like
it is time to go.”
Sam speaking, “It sure was helpful for you to come and
speak to our fellowship. We felt like we were partnering
with you; we were able to see the vision you have for those
in *****. I hope you will be able to give us updates while
you are gone.”
“Thanks, Sam. It was a blessing for me in connecting with
your fellowship. I feel very supported by your fellowship,
and it helps me to know that I’m not alone in this work. I
will try to keep you updated, but I don’t know what the
situation is now for getting information out of the country.
“Last week I spoke with a brother who had been on the
field for 4 months. He had a very difficult time on the field,
and one of the things he said that made it difficult for him
was feeling so distant from family and friends. He said that
before he left, he had not spent much time connecting with
family, friends, and fellowships. He had wanted to, but he
hadn’t planned out his connections, so they occurred
sporadically. As his time to leave arrived, he realized he
hadn’t done a very good job of saying goodbye or
encouraging support for himself while he was on the field.
I asked him what he would have like to do differently if he
could do it again.
“He told me three main things: connect more deeply with
others, connect intentionally and with a plan (schedule
times, seek out connections, create settings where you can
go deep), and make time for reflection before leaving.
With all the things that need to happen before leaving, a
time for reflection becomes harder to find. I could see why
I needed to connect deeper with family and friends before
leaving, and I had already experienced some of the
difficulties of making connections without developing a
schedule. Family and friends still had their lives to live;
they were busy and couldn’t always be available on short
notice at times that were convenient for me. In both these
areas I had been working and felt good about my progress.
“What surprised me was his third point…time for reflection.
What did he mean? It sounded a little confusing and also a
waste of time. He told me that for him this was actually the
most important of the three, and the success of it would
have impacted his other two points. It seems funny now
looking back on it, but I became even more confused by
this statement. I tried to be polite and simply receive what
he told me without further questioning, but he must have
seen my confusion from my facial expression because he
began to elaborate.
He said, “Mike, I spent a lot of time grieving after I left.
Sure, I was excited about working in my country, but all
the changes I went through really sapped my energy, I felt
alone, and I missed home. I spent many hours on the field
thinking about home, about things I wish I would have said
before leaving, people that I only said a quick goodbye to.
If I would have taken the time to reflect on how I was
feeling before leaving, I would have seen the need to say
meaningful goodbyes. I would have thought about how sad
it would be to be separated for such a long time, that
reflection time would have motivated me to schedule
quality time with people. ”
“After talking with him I began to take some time to reflect
on the changes that were happening to me. Thoughts
like…this will be the last time I see my parents for the next
year; this will be my last fellowship meeting, last prayer
meeting, last bible study here. As I began to reflect on
these things, I began to realize that before I could truly put
my whole focus on the work God was calling me to, I first
needed to say goodbye to the life and work I had been
doing. By reflecting, I realized that connecting with friends
and family needed to be more than just a casual get
together. I began to go beyond the surface and have quality
time with people. I know that I will miss all of you, but I
feel like I have finished well this part of my life and
strengthened ties for the days ahead.” “Well Mike, it
sounds like you have been working hard. I am honored to
be part of your calling and will work to keep you lifted up
in prayer.”
“Sam, God really blessed me with that conversation with
the brother, otherwise I may have just let opportunities
slide by. I am grateful for your support. It will be
important to me when everything familiar to me fades away
and all the changes of living in a different country take
place. Thank you for you care and support.”
Mike speaking with the training class:
When I was preparing to leave, I developed a few key
questions that helped guide me in making connections and
some of the conclusions I came up with. They are not the
final say on what to do and how to connect. My hope is
that they can aid you in your own personal journey of
preparing to leave.
Who do I need to connect with before I leave? As
Christians, we don’t stand on our own strength. God has
worked through many people, even non-believers to meet
our needs so we could come to this point in our life. This
has been an ongoing work from before our birth. Who
have been some of those significant people in your life?
Who has impacted your life spiritually; lovingly;
generously with their time and resources? Spend some
time in prayer and reflection. Let the Holy Spirit bring to
mind those it would be good to see before your departure.
When do I make these connections? If you wait to start
this process the week you leave, it will have a minimal
effect, and you will most likely have regrets and be doubleminded. There are usually so many details and tasks during
the last week that you will have little time, and only a few
people will be able to connect with you with any significant
depth. This is less of a problem if you are only leaving for
a few months; however, if you are leaving for a year or two,
or longer, it is better to have at least a couple of months to
make connections with depth. Schedule times where there
is ample time to talk.
In what ways do I need to connect? Each situation will
be different, especially when it deals with confidential
information, such as the specific location you will be
ministering to or team member details. But the main thing
that needs to happen is connection. Connection with the
vision you are following, connection with you and
connection with them. Connection with the vision: If
people don’t connect with the vision they will be less
motivated to pray and that leaves you weaker on the field.
They need to know the importance of their support and
prayer. Connection with you: People may be excited about
the vision but they also need to be connected with you.
This personalizes the vision for them. It tends to make it
more real because they know someone personally who is
called to this vision. Connection with them: Their life is
important and they need to know that you are aware of this.
Connections need to be real, so it is important that they be
done without pressure and in a relaxed setting. This may
be a situation where you speak to a group of people. As
much as possible make it informal, let them see your
personality as well as understand the information. When a
good connection to you is made, the information is
secondary.
Where do I make the connections? A variety of places
will work. Choose places where you can be relaxed. Some
of these will take place at gatherings for several of the
people you would like to see. Use the time at these
gatherings to speak with many, knowing that you will have
other times available to go deeper with some at the
gathering
A second area of focus for this session is closure.
I want you to use your imagination for a moment. Let’s
say you were taking a trip over New Year holiday, and
when you left for the train station you left your apartment
door not just unlocked but open. If you currently live with
roommates, imagine that they have already left for their
holiday. You didn’t remember that the door was open till
you were on the train for a few hours. What feelings do
you think you would experience during that week away?
You may have some enjoyable fellowship with friends and
family, but what would you feel about the safety of you
apartment for that week? Maybe you would try to think
that God will take care of it. But hasn’t the care for the
apartment already been given to you? Are you not the one
who has the keys and the last one to leave and are
responsible for securing its safety? Most people would
have feelings of regret and worry. Maybe you can call
someone to take care of securing the apartment for you. It
would have been so much easier if you had locked the door,
securing the apartment to the best of your ability. Now
imagine leaving for that trip, but before doing so making
sure everything is taken care of before you leave. The
lights are turned off, and the door is securely locked.
While on your trip, what do you think will be your feelings
as you think about home while on your trip? Most people
will feel comfortable, at peace, and able to fully focus on
their holiday.
Part of preparing to leave home and go to a foreign country
means making sure you have taken care of all the
responsibilities God has already given to your care.
Because we are called to another place to minister doesn’t
mean that we can let go of the things He has previously
given to us. We need to secure those responsibilities so that
we can leave in peace. I found that there were several
things that I needed to do. I shared an apartment with two
other men. We had a signed 6 month lease and still had 3
months left after I was scheduled to go. Before leaving, I
was able to find a friend who needed a place to stay and
would be able to pay my portion of the rent. I checked with
my roommates, and they were willing to make the switch.
A second area was my Bible study group. I had been the
leader for the last year. I didn’t want to just leave them
leaderless, so I began to help train the group helper. We
spent extra time together before and after group meetings,
and before I left, I encouraged him to lead the group, and I
took over the role as helper. This gave him the opportunity
to lead while I was still able to support and encourage him
after the meetings on the things he did well and discuss
areas where it would be helpful for him to work on. I can
say that when I was on the field and remembered these
things, I had a feeling of peace. I had no worry or fear as I
believed I had handled these areas in the manner God
wanted me to finish them. I remember our last Bible study
meeting. We had a meal together, and it seemed similar to
the last supper. The new leader had planned it, and we
spent the time reflecting on what God had been doing in
each of our lives over the last year. It was an intimate time
of fellowship. I knew it would be a long time before I
would see this group again, and that when I did, the group
would be changed. This was partly sad. I had spent so
much time helping and being helped by these people. I
wanted to continue, but I was called to another field. God
blessed me during that last meeting. He was able to show
me all he was able to do and that He now had work for me
to do elsewhere. Many times when I was on the field, I
thought back to that last meeting, and it encouraged me to
know that God had given me a peaceful closure to that part
of my life.
Small Group Discussion Questions: Discuss the
questions I covered earlier. It will help you to begin to
explore who and how you need to connect.
Who do I need to connect with before I leave?
When can I make these connections?
In what ways do I need to connect?
Where can I make the connections?
Journal Homework:
Develop a plan with calendar dates for specific goodbyes.
In your plan identify who, when, where, what.
Prayerfully consider your current responsibilities and
determine what it will take to responsibly bring closure to
them. Identify them specifically and develop a plan and
schedule for completing their closure.
Lesson 4:
Entering the desert.
Objective:
The student will be able to understand their
need for routines and relationships.
Leaving my familiar environment significantly affected my
life.
The scene opens up with the normal sounds, sights, and
smells of Beijing. A person is walking down the sidewalk.
He looks around at the cars, bikes, and other pedestrians.
There are many people going several directions. They
seem to know what they are doing and where they are
going. There are very few non-Chinese in this scene. The
business and traffic signs are all in Mandarin, and the
voices speaking around him are also Mandarin. He sees a
small baozi shop and steps into it. It is a small room with
tables filled with people eating baozi, hundun, cha ji dan,
you tiao and zhou. As he finds a table, he observes the
others around him. Many are eating. He notices a man
pick up a plastic bottle with a hong cha label on the outside
and pour it into a small saucer and then add a reddish
orange spice. He then begins to dip his baozi into the mix
and eat. Another person is paying for his meal on his way
out. He hands the laoban a 10 rmb bill and receives his
change. A couple of people are finished with their food and
are smoking and talking. The fuyuyuan walks up and asks
him what he wants to order. The scene fades out.
It opens up with another person walking down a street,
obviously in a foreign country. No-one looks Chinese.
Everyone is speaking Arabic and dressed in traditional
Arabic clothes. As he looks around, the signs are all in
Arabic. He sees a few people enter what looks like it might
be a small restaurant. He sits down and looks at what
others are eating. Several are eating a bowl of beans. It
looks somewhat like zhou. A few others are eating flat
bread and yogurt. Again, as a man begins to leave he pays
his bill, but with very different looking money. Although
the setting and activity are similar the experience is very
foreign. A person walks up to him and asks him in Arabic
what he wants to eat. (The camera is on the person, so it is
the viewer who is being asked the question.) The scene
fades out.
The scene opens with Mike speaking to the group: “The
first scene is very familiar to me. I have seen it hundreds of
times in my life. I even had baozi for breakfast this
morning. Even though I never lived in Beijing, it still
seemed familiar, comfortable. Tell me what was in the
plastic bottle?”
Without hesitation a person in the class responds. “Su”
(vinegar)
“And the spice?” Mike asks
“La” says another student.
“Yes even with the bottle being a reused tea bottle, we still
know what the dark liquid inside is. As we see him add the
‘la’ we can almost taste the food he is eating.”
“When I watched the second scene, it reminded me of my
first experience of eating in a Muslim culture. It was
strange and awkward.
“What do you think they were eating?” Mike asked.
The class is silent, finally a student responds with “Several
seem to be eating what looks like Zhou (bean soup).”
“Yes. It is similar. It is called ‘shorbat 'adas’.” Says Mike.
Another student states, “…And some kind of bread.”
“The bread is called ‘za’tar’and they were also eating
yogurt which is called ‘labneh.’”
“Okay, generally you can guess at what is being eaten.
What does the food taste like? Is it salty or sweet? Is it hot
or cold? Would you enjoy the food or would it be difficult
to eat?”
The class is silent.
“If I asked you about the first scene, you would be able to
give me much greater detail, and you would know what
you liked or disliked. You could state your preferences on
the kind of baozi you like and whether you like it with su
and la or just plain.”
“You can do this because it has been part of your whole life.
It has become a familiar and routine activity.”
“Routines are beneficial in many ways. A routine lets us
put a lot of information into a habit where we don’t have to
think about it. This lets us put our focus on other things. A
routine actually helps us to feel relaxed and calm. The
greatest fear a person experiences is the unknown. In the
darkness, our imagination is very active and tends to take
what we are experiencing and build it to a greater level of
fear than what is really happening. In a routine, we know
most everything about the activity, and fear or
apprehension can gain no foothold with the activity. This
is often seen in children. When they go to their first day of
school, they don’t want to let go of their mother or
grandmother. When introduced to a new person, they often
become very shy and hesitant. They haven’t learned how
to hide their emotions yet. Adults go through the same
thing but have learned to hide those emotions.”
“When I left my home in China and went to another
country to live, all of my routines were changed. I still did
all of the normal activities required to live: I bought
supplies, traveled on the bus, washed my clothes, paid for
the water and electricity in my apartment, and occasionally
I went out to eat at a local restaurant; but it was much more
difficult in the foreign country. More attention and energy
had to be given to tasks that back in China would mostly be
done without thinking.
By developing routines in our life, we can devote our time
and energy to other places, other tasks. I have had the
opportunity to help people with struggles while they are
ministering in a foreign country. On a few occasions, it
was with a person who felt overwhelmed. As I got to know
his situation, often he was a person who had moved to
another country but acted as though it was not a major task.
He started a job, found a new apartment, began learning a
new language, and dealt with the difficulties of moving all
at the same time. For a while he appeared successful, but
soon he began to burn out, and without changes he would
need to return home. The main problem was taking on too
much all at once. He gave no time or opportunity to move
these activities from the unknown to the known. This soon
drained him as he had to exert so much energy all at once.
He needed to allow himself time to adjust all the changes.
In the long run, when a person gives themselves the time to
adjust and develop routines, he will be far more
productive.”
“One verse that has helped me in this process is John 15:5.
I need to be reminded that God doesn’t expect me to be
independently strong and capable.”
John 15:5: I am the vine, you are the branches; he who
abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart
from Me you can do nothing.
“I need to realize that I have no abilities except what he
gives me. He desires that I rely on Him. I have learned 3
ways I can do this: first to rely on Him in how He has
created me. I will never be a Yao Ming. I am not tall
enough, nor do I have the coordination it takes to compete
in basketball that he has. These were established in his
creation. Although I am not suited for professional
basketball, God has created me with abilities. In humility
to how He has created me, I can develop those that will
help me along the path He desires for me.
Secondly, to rely on Him through the environment in which
He has placed me. The culture I was born in, the people I
grew up around are part of His plan. In many ways, I think
that growing up in China enables me to connect with
Muslims more easily than most other countries in the world.
This would be a proud statement except for the fact that I
did not plan the country or culture I was born in. God did
that. It was His plan.
Thirdly, to rely on Him as He directly works within me
through the Holy Spirit. What a joy it is to know that He is
ever present in my life, actively guiding my steps. So when
He leads me to a new environment, I need to rely on Him to
help me adjust to it. I am not all powerful, able to handle
any difficulty that comes my way. I only have the power
and ability that he gives me and develops within me. I am
simply the branch dependent on the ‘true vine.’”
A second area of need is relationships:
In our last session, we focused on connecting with those we
were leaving in order to have healthy goodbyes and to
diminish our double-mindedness when living in a strange
culture. Today’s lesson in addition to routines will focus
on the need to develop new relationships. Ultimately, we
need only one relationship; a relationship with God. But
God often chooses to reveal His love, grace, and strength
through relationships. That is why you are being called to
go to a foreign country to be God’s voice to call His
children to Him.”
“To help express this point, I have asked Sarah, a friend
and someone who has spent several years working with
Muslims, to come and share her story about leaving home
and entering her field of ministry. You may remember her
from lesson 2 when she shared about her experience in
connecting with locals.”
Sarah speaking: “Hello. It is an honor to be asked to share
with you today. I hope that God will be able to use my
words and experience to make your adjustment easier. It
won’t be easy, but I know it can be easier. I grew up in
Beijing. I knew what it was like to live in a populated city.
Using buses and subways were part of my daily life. I
lived close to many of my fellowship sisters, and we met
formally for Bible study and informally at each other’s
apartment for meals and to enjoy each other’s company.
They were a strength to me. I knew this, but I didn’t really
know how much until I left Beijing. I have taken writings
from my journal to share with you the journey during my
first week of transition.
“O Lord, help with these days. I feel nervous. I need your
strength and courage.”
“What will it be like? Will I be able to adjust to this new
country? When I got off the plane yesterday I was so
excited and yet nervous. I stepped out of the airport and I
felt so alone. Jake, my team leader and two other sisters
were there to greet me. They seemed nice and were
encouraging and relaxed, but I had no previous connection
with them. They seemed strange like the country. Both of
the sisters had scarves on. It looked like they were wearing
costumes, and yet as I looked around, I was the one who
was out of place. Few people were dressed like me, blue
jeans and collared shirt. I followed them as though I were
in a strange dream. It was happening, but I felt
disconnected. Where were my fellowship sisters? I needed
to be with them to have them encourage me and comfort
me.
Day 2: “I woke up to strange sounds and smells this
morning. Lord, what have you done? I feel so alone.
What will happen today? The sisters who picked me up at
the airport are getting ready to go out for the day. I am
sitting on my bed looking at my Bible but having difficulty
concentrating. Our team will have a meeting tonight. The
others have full days; they know what they are doing and
what they are supposed to do. I have been encouraged to
relax, unpack. The unpacking I did last night, it took about
ten minutes. In Beijing, just a few days ago, I would be
eating baozi at a little restaurant near my work building.
No baozi today. What will I eat? How will I eat?”
“As Mike shared earlier, routines bring a peace to our lives.
I was going through a time without routines and fear
worked to control me.” “Here is an entry I made about a
month later.”
“Today marks my one month anniversary for being here. I
didn’t realize just how comfortable I had it back in Beijing.
I care for my sisters here, but we still don’t have the
closeness I felt for my sisters back home. I had so many
supports in Beijing. Not just my fellowship but also the
knowledge that there were other believers around me. We
are the only four believers that I know of in this city. It
was supportive back home even to see other Chinese
wearing crosses; I knew that many didn’t believe, but it
was still a positive sign. Here there are no signs, no signs
at all except for the Muslim faith. In that there are many;
no, they are everywhere. My teammates have shared
stories where Muslim friends have evangelized to them.
Trying to make strong cases for their religion, they are
smooth talking as they accept Jesus as a great prophet, just
not the Savior I know Him to be. My sister here Terry has
really felt the pressure. Every time she makes a new friend
here, she is pressured to change her belief. She comes
home tired, drained of energy. We pray with her and
encourage her with worship and scripture, but it is a real
battle here. It is days like this that I miss my old
fellowship.”
“Today I am making a change. I need more refreshing of
the Holy Spirit during the day and have decided to adapt a
local custom to my daily routine. Just as the Muslims
formally pray five times a day, I will formally pray and
meditate on scripture. I have been doing this, but it has
been alongside the work I am doing. I want and need a
stronger connection to God, and this is one time the culture
can work for me. I have worked out a plan for today to
have five short but quality times with my Father.”
“That was one of the most helpful things I did while
serving there. I felt more connected to the culture without
compromising my beliefs. When the speakers boomed out
that it was time for prayer, I knew that God was waiting for
me. Those times became an intimate time with Jesus, as
they were intentional times to meet with Him so He could
encourage me while I was so far away from my close
sisters. I found that in time I developed a closer
relationship with the team and became more confident in
serving there. I have personally experience Romans
8:38,39 in a country far from my home and strange in my
ways. ‘For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor
angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to
come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any created
thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God,
which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’”
Mike closed. “This is such an important truth to take with
you. For most people moving to a strange place, this truth
will be challenged. Routines and relationships are two
important parts that need to be developed. Without
realizing it, we develop a relationship to the culture we live
in. It is important to recognize this so we develop healthy
relationships with the culture and the people God leads us
to serve. Take some time in your small group and respond
to the following questions.
Small Group Discussion Questions:
What do you feel are some important routines that may go
through changes when you serve in another culture?
How has God worked through others to give you support
and care?
Journal Homework:
How will serving in another culture affect your routines?
How do you think the absence of others who have
supported you affect your life?
Lesson 5:
Learning to adjust to new culture,
weather, language, and customs
Objective:
The student will gain awareness to the
realities of major changes in their everyday life and how to
make adjustments within themselves to meet those changes.
Mike addressing the training group, “Today’s lesson will
focus on adjusting to changes when you arrive in you new
country. When you enter your new field, most of you will
experience tremendous changes in areas of your life that
have been consistent for many years. Food, weather,
language, and culture are just a few examples where your
life has been consistent or where you can at least anticipate
what the changes will be.
Today the weather is sunny and warm. It was sunny and
partly cloudy yesterday, and we can anticipate similar
conditions tomorrow. When something becomes consistent,
it takes less of our energy to deal with. Unknowns take a
lot of energy. Although there will be differences, you will
find many similarities to my experiences and what you will
experience when you arrive in your new field. Here are a
couple of common unknowns or changes I experienced.”
A report drawn from my journal entry of ‘day 1’ in my new
country: “My first day in country I was excited and curious.
After putting away my few possessions, I went for a walk
in the city. I had arrived late last evening and didn’t get
much of a look at the city. I wanted to start right away
learning about the city that I would be serving in for the
next two years. My teammates had their day scheduled,
and I would meet them again in the evening. As I walked
outside the apartment, I had no particular direction or focus.
I took some bread for lunch and set out. It was a sunny and
clear day. The streets were full of people, and after
walking for a few minutes, I saw a market. It was very
interesting to look at what was being sold. Several of the
items I recognized, but there were many things I had not
seen before. The locals were buying and selling; they were
living their lives. As I was listening, I noticed their
language was so difficult to understand, they seemed to
speak fast and have local meanings and phrases that didn’t
match very well with the basic language I had begun to
learn. I could understand a few words but not enough to
understand what they were saying. It was the same with
the signs that hung over businesses; a few symbols I
recognized, but most didn’t make sense with what I had
learned so far. I later found out that many were business
names, and that the locals recognized what was sold by the
name of the company. The type of business didn’t need to
be clearly marked for them. The more I walked, the more I
felt closed in, foreign, an outsider. A couple of times I
practiced a few phrases I had learned in China. I would
practice in my head what I wanted to say and then approach
someone and share it with them. Many times they didn’t
understand me, and they appeared disinterested or
uncomfortable with me. I quickly became discouraged and
stopped trying to speak. As I continued walking, feelings
of isolation and loneliness began to rise within me. Early
in the afternoon, I returned to the apartment, I read
scripture, and it comforted me. I felt safer in the apartment
and decided to not go out again that day. What is
happening to me? I was so eager to come here and get
started. I have been looking forward to this day for months,
even years, and yet here I was in the apartment hiding from
the very people I was sent to love and give God’s message.
Now I felt unsure about myself, about my ability to help
anyone.
The rest of the team would be arriving soon. I would talk
to them and see if I can get some help from them. I hoped
they would accept me, I didn’t know how much help I was
going to be here.” Two hours later Joe, one of the team
members, arrived back in the apartment. “Hello Joe.”
Mike said. “Hello Mike, how was your day? I thought you
might still be out checking out the city.” Mike hesitated.
Do I tell him the struggle I am having, or try to cover it up
and do better tomorrow? If cover it up it will just get
bigger, how many times has God worked to teach me this
lesson? “Well Joe, today didn’t go very well. I started out
excited and eager but after walking around the city for
awhile, I soon felt isolated and uncomfortable. After a few
hours, I returned to the apartment.” Joe also hesitated. He
was remembering his arrival and first few days. He too had
felt some of what Mike was feeling, Sam, another team
member had been there for him. Sam had spent some time
making Joe’s adjustment a little easier. “Mike, let’s go for
a walk. I want to show you some of my favorite places
around the neighborhood.” Joe replied. I responded
eagerly, and we spent the next couple of hours walking
around the neighborhood.
I noticed that we walked to the same market I had walked
to earlier in the day. Joe showed me his favorite local
restaurant. He showed me the part of the market where he
liked to buy vegetables. He said he had always found the
sellers to be friendly and helpful to him with learning the
different names of the vegetables. I began to feel eager
again. I had been here before, but now with Joe at my side,
I could ask questions, and it gave me a better understanding
of what I was experiencing. I knew I wouldn’t always be
able to have Joe here with me, but it sure was a help to me
getting started. “Joe, how did you get so comfortable being
here?” I asked. “Mike, I may look comfortable but I still
have struggles. When I first came here, I struggled to even
leave the apartment. But Sam helped me out, showed me
around a little, like I’m doing with you today. He told me
something that really helped me out.”
He said “Joe, most everything you see and hear is going to
be foreign to you. Start small and build on it each day. If
you try to do it all at once, you will be overwhelmed and
will burn out. Each day work to make the unfamiliar parts
of living here familiar. As more and more of the unknowns
become familiar to you, you will find that this foreign land
will begin to feel more at home, a place where you can
work and complete the task He has given you.”
Joe continued, “When Sam told me this, I knew it was
important, but I didn’t really have a full understanding of
what he meant. I could, however, apply what he told me.
So I began each day with a plan to conquer more of the
unknown. I still have much to learn, but God has helped
me to grow so much as I have been faithful to work each
day.”
“What areas did you start with?” I asked.
“I started with this neighborhood, looked beyond the
buildings, saw the people, noted their actions. Soon you
will begin to see patterns of behavior that will be repeated.
Go beyond the people. See their facial expressions, their
body postures; these, too, will have patterns. They will be
associated with their thoughts and emotions to particular
situations. Listen to what they say, how they say it, and
when they say it. Language is a lot more than just putting
words in the correct order.” Joe replied
“Let’s go back now; it’s time to meet with the rest of the
group.” Joe said.
“Joe, thanks for taking this time with me. God has used
this time to let me know that I am not alone,” I told him.
We walked back to the apartment mostly in silence. On our
return walk, I looked at my surroundings. I had seen them
earlier in the day, but now I was seeing more, and I was
looking for more. I began to look more intently at the
businesses, and even though I could not read the signs, I
began to notice what people were taking in and bringing
out. Some of the businesses had part of their goods sitting
outside. I began to be able to tell what kind of business it
was by these observations. I couldn’t identify what all the
businesses were, but it was a beginning, and I knew that
with time more would become known to me. In my
observations, I began to see facial expressions. Most
looked busy with their life, but I noticed some talking with
each other. At these times, some sounded angry, some
interested in the topic, others laughed and appeared happy.
This was much more difficult, but on my first trip, all I saw
was a sea of faces that looked strange to me. I would have
to keep reminding myself to go slow and add to my
knowledge each day.
Joe was thinking how God had blessed him with Sam, and
now he was able to be used as a blessing to Mike. Sam was
right, he thought. We are definitely not alone, even when
no-one else is present. God not only knew what was
happening, but He is present in all of our experiences. What
a comfort that truth had given me.
The next morning I awoke and quickly became aware that I
had just five days left before my job would start. A light
apprehension hit me with that thought but quickly left. I
spent time meditating on scripture and praying with the
Lord. I felt ready for the day and planned to practice what
Joe had taught me yesterday. I had spent part of last
evening asking the group about the market and the process
of buying food.
I figured food would be a practical place to start learning
about the culture here. As I walked to the market, again the
sights and sounds hit me. They were so different from my
life in China, but this time the feelings weren’t as strong. I
began to look intently at the people and buildings as I
walked by. The clothes were very different here for both
the men and women. The buildings were certainly a
different style than in Hubei. With a smile, I reminded
myself that every person here had two legs, two arms, and a
face with eyes, ears, and a mouth, just like me. I could see
that the buildings were used for businesses or homes or a
combination of business and home, just like in Hubei. This
country was very different and yet also similar.
I noticed that realizing this made me feel less foreign and
that, like yesterday, the feelings had been growing. “What
was it about me that the strangeness of this country affected
me so? I felt strong in you, Lord, and yet I took a casual
walk to the market and it began to affect the peace you
gave me this morning.”
I was beginning to realize how powerful the unknown
could be and how fear is created as a reaction to the
unknown. It wasn’t strong…yet left untended it would
grow in strength.
I reached the market. Now it was time to work. I began
looking for the lentil soup (shorbat 'adas). Several on my
team told me this was a common breakfast food here and
described it like a thick bean soup. I had purposefully not
eaten breakfast with the team so I would be motivated to be
successful.
I saw a small restaurant and went in. I could see that
several people were here eating and noticed that a few were
eating shorbat ‘adas. Many looked at me as I entered and
continued to watch me as I sat down. Again, I could feel
the apprehension grow. I focused on what I was going to
say. As the fuwuyuan approached me, I said in Arabic,
“Hello, I would like an order of shorbat ‘adas.”
The waiter looked a little confused and said something
quickly that I didn’t quite understand, but it seemed to be a
question about what I had just said. Now I could really feel
the pressure build, and it felt like everyone was now
watching me. I focused and repeated my request. This
time it seemed to work as the waiter asked if I wanted
anything else.
My teammates had told me to expect this, so I had
practiced the words that typically would be used. I said
“No,” giving the proper response, and the waiter left. A
few minutes later my food arrived. I had a difficult time
remembering a time when I felt more excited to be eating.
My success at ordering felt great, and yet I thought to
myself, “It took this much work just to order a simple
breakfast. How will I ever be able carry on a conversation,
especially one involving my faith?” I ate my breakfast
slowly, as I watched the other patrons eating their food. I
noticed that they ate with their hands, no, more specifically,
they ate with their right hand. Most were also drinking
what looked like a very small cup of coffee. I wanted to
stay longer, but I had finished my food and felt a little
uncomfortable just sitting and watching others. I had seen
others pay for their meal and leave, so I knew the procedure
from my observations. I copied their actions and smoothly
completed the task and left the restaurant. Outside, I took a
few moments to record my observations and some of the
phrases I had heard. I had been encouraged to journal the
things I was learning and wanted to write them down while
they were still fresh. As I reflected on the time, I realized it
took a lot of time, energy, and even emotion just to eat my
breakfast at a restaurant. In China, I didn’t even think
about an activity like this. I would sometimes be halfway
through my meal before giving any recognition to what I
was doing. I was so focused on what I was going to do that
day, that I ate my breakfast out of habit. It required very
little thought, time, energy, and no emotions like I just
experienced.
Small group questions
Part 1:
Take a couple of minutes to think about your daily
activities. Identify 3-4 activities that you do by habit and
share these with the group. Discuss what you think will
happen to these activities in the new place you will be
going to.
Will you be able to do the activity in your new location?
How do you think the activity will change?
How do you think these changes will affect you physically,
mentally, emotionally?
Part 2:
[In our life we tend to reduce the information we receive
from our environment. The routines in our life don’t
require a lot of information, just a little to complete the
current task. We develop the habit of looking at our life
world in general and vague ways. To better understand you
new ‘home’ you will need to study it in detail. Not just look
at faces but look for expressions, facial features. Not just
look at buildings but look for details that give you a better
understanding of what happens in the buildings.]
Each group member will describe an object at the place you
are meeting: a chair, a window, a person’s shoe. The object
doesn’t matter. The activity is to see how descriptive you
can be with the object. The other group members can add
to your detail after you finish.
Questions to think about:
How difficult was it for you to add detail?
How did your description compare with other group
member descriptions?
More or less detailed?
As a group, discuss how you can apply this activity to
increase your knowledge and awareness of the people in
your daily life.
Individual activity:
Develop a new habit. Choose something that others will
notice. Exclusively using kuaizi with your left hand is one
possibility. Practice at home, and then do it publically. For
many people, this experience feels awkward, and it can be
embarrassing when you stumble through a meal in front of
others. People may give you a look of “what is your
problem?” In your new field, you will experience this
many times as you work to develop new habits and adjust
to new situations.
Part 2: Living vs. Surviving on the Mission field
Lesson 6:
How struggles and sinful nature are
affected by a new culture.
Objective:
The student will understand how struggles
and sinful nature are intensified in new cultures.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Romans 3:23
Our weaknesses and sinful nature tend to become stronger
in a new environment.
Missionary Team:
Team Leader Husband - LH
Team Leader Wife – LW
Single Male – SM
Single Female - SF
Several months later, Sam goes out to meet with some of
the teams on the field that went through the training
program in which he was part of teaching.
Earlier in the week:
…Scene opens to a man walking down a street. He is
walking alone on a street that is busy with people. He is
watching the people as he walks. They are going about
their day, buying and selling, moving from one
appointment to another. Nearly all the people are locals
with an occasional expat. The scene focuses on what he is
seeing. It wanders from person to person but tends to
linger on women, sometimes focusing in on them. After
they walk by him, he partially turns continuing to look at
them. His walk is casual as though he has nowhere to go.
The picture fades and then opens up to another scene.
A woman is slowly working at preparing a meal. It is a
simple meal and takes little effort to fix. She looks tired.
Halfway through washing some vegetables, she pauses and
appears to be daydreaming, her sad looking face indicating
the ‘dream’ is not especially enjoyable. After a couple of
minutes, she continues with her work and the scene fades
and opens up to a third scene.
A couple sits, silently riding the bus. They look as though
they are strangers to each other are but as the scene pans
out they are the only two foreigners on the bus. Surely they
must know each other. The bus driver calls out a stop, and
the couple silently get up from their seats and move to the
door. Neither is acknowledging the other, but they are
obviously getting off at the same stop. As they exit the bus,
the doors close, and the scene comes to an end.
Present day:
The scene opens to an apartment where several people have
gathered together. They are actively talking with each
other. The scene pans in on each of the people; they are the
same people from the previous scenes, but now they seem
more alive and focused on each other.
It also pans in on a new person. He is interacting with the
others and appears to be well known by them. The husband
of the couple, speaking a little louder, announces that the
meeting should officially start. Speaking to the new person
he says, “Sam, it is so good to see you again. Your emails
have been very encouraging to us, and we have looked
forward to your arrival. I remember when I first met you in
our training. At first, I wondered what kind of person you
were, but as we got to know you, I felt that God had taught
you much while you were on the field, and that you could
help us in our own journeys. It is a joy to us for you to be
here.”
“LH, I remember those days, and I, too, wondered what I
could say that could make a difference in your lives but
trusted that God was present and working in our times
together. It is a blessing for me to be here with you. My
hope and prayer is that the Lord will greatly bless our time
together this week,” Sam responded.
Speaking to the whole group, the group leader said, “Let’s
spend some time in prayer, thanking the Lord for Sam’s
arrival and that his time here will be blessed and guided by
the Lord.” Scene fades as the group begins to pray.
Scene opens again with Sam talking with the group.
“Before we finish for tonight, I want to take a couple of
minutes to share with you the main reasons I am here. The
leadership in China wanted to send me to be a help and
encouragement to you. It has been about six months since
most of you arrived here. The newness of your transition
has faded and now the work remains. In training, we talked
about the tendency for our weak and sinful areas to become
stronger and potentially more damaging. Being in a new
culture adds a lot of pressure to a normal life. When I was
a worker in another country, I experienced loneliness and
feelings of isolation so strong that I didn’t know if I could
continue. I didn’t have a systematic training and was
unsure of what was happening to me. I began to doubt my
calling and felt like I was failing at the task I had been
given. Fortunately, a brother visited me, and through his
encouragement, I was able to break through those feelings
and continue on. I later found out that what I experienced
was common with other brothers and sisters serving in a
foreign land. Our hope is that part of my time with you can
be used to explore how that may be affecting you and work
with you to respond to the specific struggles you are
experiencing. I also want to spend some time with you to
hear how God is working in your life, what He is showing
you, and what He is building up in you. My goal is to
spend part of each day with you this week. I am not here to
judge you. I am not worthy to do so, nor do I desire to.
You are my brothers and sisters. My desire is to come
alongside you to care for you as best I can. Hebrews 10:24
and 25 have been the verses of my meditation since I was
aware I would be making this trip. My time here is for you,
so I think it would be best for you to decide when to
arrange our meeting times and places.” The group leader
begins to work with the group to determine the times for
tomorrow and the scene fades out.
Scene opens with Sam sitting in the apartment living room
with the leader and his wife. Sam is speaking to them.
“When I was on the field, I heard from a couple who had
been there for about a year. They shared how one of the
most difficult issues they faced was their own relationship.
They had worked hard to prepare for many of the
challenges but they didn’t focus much on their relationship,
and they were struggling.” “How are you two doing here
on the field? How are you doing with each other?”
The couple hesitates. The wife looks briefly at her
husband and then stares quietly at the floor. The husband is
uncomfortable but begins to speak. “Sam, there are many
things that have gone well here with us in the ministry, LW
has worked hard on language and is a real support to SF. I
am growing in language but have some struggles.”
LW speaks up. “Sam, he has been working hard to develop
the team and takes care of most of the work details.”
LH continues, “I think we have both been working hard at
our responsibilities here in the field, but I think we both are
struggling with our relationship. I get so focused on
language, the team, and just the every day tasks of being on
the field that honestly I don’t have very much energy for
LW.” LW looks at her husband briefly and remains silent.
LH continues, “Actually, this has been a struggle before we
arrived on the field. It was not a great struggle then, just a
growing distance between us.” Sam looks at LW and asks,
“What are your thoughts, LW?”
“I agree, but it is not just LH, I, too, have been focused on
work and doing the things expected of me, but I know I
have been distant with LH. Except for the work we do here,
it seems like we are strangers. This feeling has been
growing in me since we came here. It feels like I have less
energy to fight it. I know LH loves me and I love him, but
we have grown distant with each other.” LW replies. The
scene fades out.
It opens again with Sam and SM walking down the same
street as at the beginning of this session. “Sam, I wanted to
talk with you here in the market area. This is my greatest
place of struggle. When I am working, I am focused and
think I am doing well. I am developing relationships with
some of the local men and working on my language
development, but during my lunch breaks and sometimes
during the evening, I go for walks. I tell myself I need a
break, and this allows me to see people interacting. I have
learned much about the culture through my observations.
But also out here my mind wanders, and I struggle with lust.
After having a difficult and defeating day, I feel ashamed
and work to avoid these areas.” SM becomes silent. Sam
waits patiently in silence with SM. “Once the shame wears
off, I soon find myself here again. I have struggled with
lust for several years, but I feel so bad. It shouldn’t happen
here on the field. If I were a worthy missionary, it
wouldn’t be happening. Sam, I don’t know what to do. I
have briefly spoken to LH about this, and he prayed for me,
but it has not stopped for very long. Now I only speak in
general terms with LH. I think he is unsure how to help
because he no longer seeks deeper information. I don’t
know what to do.” The scene fades out and opens again at
the small park next to the apartment complex. It is early
afternoon.
Sam is sitting across from SF at a table in the park. There
are others in the park walking and chatting. It is a peaceful
place. “When I met you at the training center, you were
excited about being here. Now that you have been here for
a few months, how are you feeling?” Sam asks.
“Being here is very much like I thought it would be. It is
challenging and interesting and full of opportunity and need.
Most of my time here has been very positive, but there have
been a couple of times when I have felt depressed. I had
experienced this several times before I became a Christian,
but then it seemed to go away. Only once do I remember
feeling this way back in China, after becoming a Christian.
I am concerned about how frequent it is happening here in
just a short time. Just last week I was experiencing these
feelings.” Her voice slows and softens. “I just don’t know
what is happening.” The scene fades out.
Later in the evening, Sam is speaking to the group. “Today
has been a good day. Thank you for spending some of it
with me, and especially for opening up. Tonight, I want to
talk about struggles in the field. When we serve outside of
our culture, difficulties, struggles, and issues tend to
intensify, including our sinful nature. Pressure hits us from
many directions and saps our energy physically,
emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. In this strange
environment, our routine supports are usually gone or at
least significantly diminished. You are not alone in this.
We can see this with the Israelites. When they came out of
Egypt, everything was strange to them. Even though they
were persecuted, they had developed a reliance on the
Egyptians. The Egyptian culture and customs had become
a normal part of their daily life. God desired a place where
they could thrive in health, a place where they could freely
worship Him. They had cried out to Him to save them, to
free them from the Egyptians. When He led them out of
Egypt, changes in their routines occurred. Their response
was to grumble, becoming hard-hearted toward God.
Without His strength, their weaknesses and sinful nature
grew. As we know, it led them to worship the golden calf.
In some ways, it is amazing that they could cry out to God,
pleading with Him to bring them out of their bondage in
Egypt, and so soon afterwards want to return to it. Yet we
are very much the same. As much as we want out of our
own bondage, we seem to return to it.”
“This does not mean that we are doomed to fail or be a
slave to our sin. David is a good example of what it takes
to succeed. We see this when he went up against Goliath.
He was out of his routine. He had never been to war or
fought in a battle. By his family, he was seen as too young
for battle. That is why he was tending the flocks rather
than being with his brothers at the battle front; however, he
had the behavior necessary to succeed. He had humility
with God, and no one was bigger, stronger, or more capable
in his eyes than God. His faith and belief had been tested
with wild animals, and now he was used by God to go up
against Goliath. By God’s strength, David was victorious.
In this battle he was victorious against a greater enemy:
fear. As you read about David, you see that this was not
his only battle against fear.”
“Today may not have felt like a victorious day for you as
you shared with me some of the struggles you are
experiencing, but it was a joyful day for me. What I saw in
you today was humility. You didn’t try to show me how
strong you were but instead became vulnerable and open.
God loves to see our humility, and with it, He lifts us up.
Let’s spend some time praising God for His ability to work
in and through us in spite of our limitations.” Scene fades
out as they begin to pray.
Small Group Discussion Questions:
From the lives of this team, identify their struggles. Were
they struggling with weaknesses or their sinful nature?
Identify three actions for each person that you think could
be helpful to them in their battle.
How do you think those actions will be affected in the
culture you will be serving?
Discuss some other struggles that may be intensified in a
different culture.
Journal Homework:
What are your primary struggles?
What have been your actions to deal with these struggles?
How will these actions be affected by moving into a new
culture?
Lesson 7:
Identifying stress/pressure
Objective:
The student will learn how to identify
specific stress/pressures in their life.
The scene opens at the leader’s apartment. The team has
met there for breakfast and a meeting. They quickly clean
up from breakfast and gather around a table for the meeting.
Sam and the team begin to discuss the plan for the day.
Each person shares some of the responsibilities they have
for the day and when they can meet with Sam.
Sam shares with them. “Thank you for giving me some of
your time today. I know you have full lives here, and I
hope that our short time together this week will be blessed
by God to strengthen you. I want to take a few minutes to
talk about pressure in life. Before we meet individually
today, it would be helpful if you can list some of the
primary pressures you are currently experiencing.”
“Look at any person in the Bible, and you will discover that
regardless of how they lived their life, they all, without
exception, lived in a world full of pressure; and none of
them were able to avoid it. As we read about their lives,
we can easily relate to them. The specific facts may differ,
but pressure is the same. We live in a world of struggle, a
world of pressure.”
“Many people attempt to create a life for themselves where
they can be pressure free. They work hard to avoid or at
least diminish their pressure. Retirement is a concept that
supports that effort. It says that if you work hard most of
your life, then you can retire to a life of ease. Ask any
person who is retired and they will tell you (if they are
speaking honestly) that although their pressure may not be
the same as earlier in their life, they still face it every day.”
“The teaching here will not be about how to successfully
avoid or escape pressure but instead how to face it
effectively. The results will not be about a life of pleasure
but instead a life of peace, purpose, and love as defined by
scripture.”
“There are many words that help give a deeper meaning to
pressure. A few of them would be stressors, troubles,
burdens, turmoil, injury, ailments, responsibilities, sickness,
worries, concerns, tests, expectations (self and others),
problem, deadline, and schedule.”
“Let’s take a look at how pressure impacts us. We will
break it down into specific parts and sources. Being able to
clearly and specifically identify our pressure will help us in
dealing with it effectively, both in our lives and in those we
are trying to help. Scripture can help us to identify the
different parts that are affected by pressure. Let’s start
in…”
Genesis 2:7 the Lord God formed the man from the dust
of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of
life, and the man became a living being.
Genesis 2:23 The man said, “This is now bone of my
bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for
she was taken out of man.”
Matthew 22:37 Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God
with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind.”
“From these verses we can identify 4 parts, body (the
physical), soul (the spiritual), heart (the emotional), and
mind (the mental). The physical part focuses on the make
up of our body, arms, legs, skin, bones, blood, organs, and
how they are connected through our nerves. The emotional
part focuses on our feelings, desires, longings, hopes,
dreams, etc. The mental part focuses on our thoughts,
assumptions, attitudes, judgments, ideas, opinions, etc. The
spiritual part focuses on our morals, values,
faith/beliefs/truths, etc.”
“Now let’s take a look at some signs that pressure is
making an impact.
1. Physically- Signs of physical pressure are hunger, thirst,
illness, wounds, tiredness, headache, disease, etc.
2. Mentally: confusion, slowness of thought, distractions
(from children)
3. Emotionally: nearly every emotion indicates the
presence of pressure: fear, anger, shame, guilt, remorse,
sadness, depression, anxiety, desire, excitement,
boredom, annoyance. Peace may be the only emotion
where pressure is absent from us emotionally.
4. Spiritual: A change in values, a lapse in faith, doubting
a truth
We can see each of these in scripture.”
Physical pressure: Exodus 17:3 But the people were
thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses.
They said, “Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make
us and our children and livestock die of thirst?
Mental pressure: Genesis 3:1-4 Now the serpent was
more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had
made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You
must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman
said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the
garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the
tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not
touch it, or you will die.’” “You will not surely die,” the
serpent said to the woman.
Emotional pressure: Genesis 4: 6-8 Then the Lord said to
Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If
you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you
do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it
desires to have you, but you must master it.” Now Cain
said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” And
while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel
and killed him.
Spiritual pressure: Romans 7:18-20 I know that nothing
good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the
desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For
what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not
want to do – this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do
not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living
in me that does it.
“Most of the time we think of pressure as a negative
experience, but pressure can actually be positive. Two
words that help describe pressure are trials and temptations.
A trial is a kind of pressure that is designed to help us
mature and grow. God is the primary source of this kind of
pressure. People who have authority over us can also
create healthy trials: parents, an employer, a pastor are a
few examples. People, however, can set up both healthy
and unhealthy trials.”
“Going to school is a good example of a healthy trial. It
helps me to develop my mind. However, when parents
apply unrealistic goals on learning, (not every child can
make the best score in the province) the trial soon becomes
unhealthy.”
“A temptation is a pressure of enticement. We are enticed
by our fleshly desires, and if we give in to them, it results
in damage to us and others. Our sinful nature is the most
common source of temptations, but other people and Satan
can also tempt us. As shown in James, God is not a source
of temptation.”
James 1:2-4 (trials)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails
of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your
faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its
work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking
anything.
James 2:13-15 (temptations)
When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.”
For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt
anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil
desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire
has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is fullgrown, gives birth to death.
“During a healthy trial we may also be tempted. In the Old
Testament we see David running for his life being chased
by King Saul. The trial he is undergoing is entrusting his
life to God and believing that God will fulfill His promises.
At one point, he is able to kill King Saul. Will he take
matters into his own hands or let his faith in God lead him?
His ‘friends’ tell him to kill Saul, which is very tempting,
as it would end the running for his life. But David doesn’t
give in to the temptation, and as a result, he is deemed a
man after God’s own heart.
Later in his life, he is King of the Israelites. Leading God’s
nation is another trial. Here we see David giving in to
temptation. Instead of leading the army into battle, he
remains in Jerusalem. While his army is in battle, David
gives into temptation and commits adultery with Bathsheba.
So the four sources of pressure are our fallen nature, other
people’s fallen nature, Satan, and God. Here are a few
verses that increase our understanding of the sources of
pressure.
Our Fallen Nature Romans 1:21-31; James 2:13-15
Other’s People’s Fallen Nature – John 19:1; Acts 5:17-18;
Exodus 1:22; 2 Samuel 13:1-14
Satan: Luke 4:1-13
God: James 1:2-4; 12
“I covered a lot of information in a short time. Do you have
questions?” Sam asked.
SM asked “I have never thought about the pressure in my
life with such detail. I can identify pressure in every part
and from each source. Is that normal?”
“Good question SM. Yes. It is normal. We live in a world
full of pressure, and God has designed us to be able to deal
with it in healthy ways.” Sam continued “We will talk
about how to deal with it later. Today, the focus is to
specifically identify our pressure. To handle the pressures
of our life well, we first need to clarify what the pressure is.
What I would encourage you to do is to spend some time
before our individual time together to identify some of the
primary pressures you are currently facing.” “Brother LH,
will you close our time in prayer?” The scene fades out as
LH begins to pray for the group.
Later in the day:
Scene opens with LH sitting at a desk in the apartment.
“So, what are the pressures in my life? Where in my life is
there not pressure? That would be an easier question. Okay,
I have pressure in work, marriage, language, being a
leader…”
The scene fades and opens to a time last month. LH is with
the team having a meeting. “So, what are your concerns
you have this week?” The others each share several
concerns about the state of the work and life here on the
field. Most of the issues are minor, but they all look to him
to deal with the issues. The scene fades and opens up to
LH pacing back and forth in the apartment alone. “What
do they think I am? I don’t know how to deal with these
things any better than they do, but they look to me to solve
them. I feel like all these little things are piling up into a
mountain. One I can never seem to reach the top.” The
scene fades out again.
The scene opens with LW at the market talking with a local
female. The local has a couple of children with her, and
although she is polite, she is distracted by her children. She
says “Oh, my children take so much of my energy but they
are such a blessing from God.” “When do you and your
husband plan to have children? He must be so eager for a
child.” The scene fades out.
The scene opens with the man sitting on a bench in a park.
He is journaling and looks to be pondering questions.
“What pressures am I facing? Well, I really like being here,
but sometimes I feel like I am not a success.” The scene
fades as he contemplates a memory. It opens again inside
an apartment with an older couple and him sitting at a table.
“Son, I know you think it is important to go to the country
because of your faith, but it seems like a waste of your
skills. You did well in school; you could be making a good
living and getting married. We have worked hard to help
you have a successful life. We are getting older and are
eager to have a grandchild,” says his mother.
“I know you have both sacrificed much to raise me, and I
am trying to be a good son.” The scene fades with the man
looking helpless and his parents frustrated.
The scene opens with the woman sitting at a table writing
in her journal. “What are the pressures of my life?” She
thinks. “Well, my body has been under frequent pressure
from the adjustment to the food here. It has done better
since I began to avoid some of the spices used in the local
food, but I have not felt physically strong most of my time
here.” She continues. “I think one of the biggest pressures
is my inability to reach the local women with the Truth. I
can’t communicate it yet in their language, not that they
would listen to me share the gospel if I could. I feel
isolated from the task I came here to do. I look at them and
realize the consequences they will face, and my heart
endures a lot of stress. I notice that during these times I
also struggle spiritually with my relationship with God.
Sometimes between this struggle and what I am going
through physically, I have difficulty with sleeping.” The
scene fades with her propping her head up with her hand as
she continues to write.
The team has their meetings with Sam
The scene opens with Sam meeting with LH and LW. Sam
says, “I know you want to work on your relationship while
I am here, but for this session I would like to hear from
each of you the pressures you face individually.” After a
moment of silence, the wife looks at her husband indicating
he should go first. He begins sharing, “Today I came up
with a long list of pressures. I knew I felt stressed, but I
didn’t realize just how much stress and from such a variety
of places it was coming from. I think my greatest pressures
come from being the team leader. There are so many
decisions that have to be made for a team, and I feel like
the team expects me to make all of those decisions, even
ones I feel are small and could be done by them. From
what you shared earlier today, that would be mental
pressure. When I don’t have a quick response I feel like I
am not being a good leader, and that leads to emotional
pressure where I have feelings of insecurity. I spend a lot
of my time trying to work out all the details of working
here as a team, and it results in my being tired. I know I
have been distant with LW. When I finish with all the
other issues, I seem to have no more time or energy for our
relationship.” Then LH has come to an end of his sharing
and looks down at the floor quietly.
Sam shares “LH, thank you for being so open. There is a
lot of stress on a team leader, and we will work this week
on how to deal with these pressures. You have done well
in identifying your pressure.” {control}
“LW, can you now share about your pressures?”
LW shares “I think I feel much of LH’s pressure, but I also
feel a lot of emotional pressure. It comes from wanting to
have a child. I know that this may not be the best time, but
I feel that others around me wonder why I have no child,
especially the local women I have contact with. Most of
them have children and don’t understand why we are
waiting. Lately, I have wanted to distance myself from
them so I don’t have to see their looks. Some feel sad for
me, others seem to think I am not to be esteemed due to
being childless. I look at them and they seem so happy and
fulfilled. I wonder, how can I convince them to believe in
Jesus when I am so much less than in their eyes?
{withdraw}
Sam says “You both have such heavy pressures. We will
take another step tomorrow in working through these
pressures, but I think we need to first lift them up to God in
prayer.” The scene ends as Sam begins to pray for them.
The next scene opens with Sam meeting with SM. SM is
sharing, “Well, I know that I am experiencing pressures
about being in a strange country, but I think most of my
pressure comes from my parents. Before I left, they shared
their disappointment about my not getting a good job and
helping to provide for them in their old age. They are not
believers and don’t understand what I am doing here. I feel
confident that I am called to be here, but the memory of
that conversation works strongly within me. Emotionally, I
feel guilt, and I don’t know what to do about it. I find
myself trying to escape the thoughts, but the pressure is still
there. I also feel the pressure of being alone. I know I have
the team, but I envy LH having his wife here to share in the
ministry.” The scene fades out and reopens with Sam
meeting with SF. {escape}
Sam shares. “What have you found to be the primary
stressors you have faced here on the field?”
SF shares. “I have had many physical struggles, my body
has been slow to adjust to the food here, but my greater
struggle is the helplessness I feel toward helping the locals.
I become angry that so many people don’t know Jesus and
will go to hell. Sometimes that anger is toward God. I
know it is wrong to feel this way.” Tears begin to fall on
her face. She becomes quiet and lowers her head.
Sam responds. “Anger is not wrong, but how we deal with
it is important. Is it okay if we focus on this over the next
few days?” SF silently nods her head ‘yes’. {isolate}
Small group activity:
Discuss each of the team members in this lesson.
For each team member identify the pressures and determine
the parts being affected.
What do you think is the source of their pressure?
Journal Homework
What are the pressures of your life?
Describe the pressures of your life.
Describe them through the four parts of your person.
Describe them in reference to the source of pressure.
How is the pressure affecting your thoughts, behavior,
emotions, energy, and relationships?
Lesson 8:
Reactions to stress/pressure
Objective:
The student will learn about reactions to
stress and pressure.
1 Corinthians 3:16 Do you not know that you are a temple
of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?
Sam had just finished talking with the team. He loved how
the team was so honest with him and was wanting to work
hard for the Lord, yet struggling with a variety of pressures.
It reminded him of Peter and the other disciples. Such a
love and devotion to Jesus, and yet they also had struggles.
No matter how close they got to Jesus, the world was still
full of pressure. Sam remembered the brother who had
shared with him the path that split into two when faced
with a pressure. One led to surviving and the other to
living. Nick, the instructor, had shared that our natural self,
our sinful nature led us to the survival path by strategies of
defensiveness. He listed several of the most common
defenses: denial, avoidance, projection, …
“Lord, help me to let you work through my time with the
team. That they would see where you want to work in their
life and that they would humbly allow you to reveal to
them your desire, your love, your work for them.”
A few minutes later Sam met with the team. “Today, I
want to discuss how we deal with the pressures in our life.
It is natural to react to pressure with defenses; usually these
reactions are attempts to avoid the pressure. I am giving
you a list of common defenses and would like for each of
you to spend some time today before our individual
meeting to identify what you believe to be your most
commonly used defenses, and think about the results when
you go down this path. Later today we will talk about your
thoughts. Before we close this time, I want to share with
you my most common defense in a pressure situation a
couple years ago. I hope it will let you know that I don’t
hold myself up higher than you; instead, I too am a person
with struggles seeking the living path.
His story: “When I was serving in an Arab country, I had
many struggles, but I mostly struggled with loneliness. I
initially denied the pressure and devoted myself to working
hard at learning the culture and language. I was meeting
many new people, so it didn’t seem logical that I would be
lonely. As this pressure didn’t go away, I began to add
other defenses to strengthen my battle against the pressure.
I worked to avoid the thoughts and tell myself that I was
here to share Christ not develop relationships for myself. I
tried to rationalize with myself that after a couple of years I
would return home, and then I could focus on relationships
for myself. For short periods of time these defenses helped
to deflect the pressure I was experiencing, but I found that I
had to keep adding more and began to realize that my
efforts were not really dealing with the pressure. I was
becoming increasingly irritated and impatient. I was on a
path of surviving, and as time continued, surviving was
becoming more difficult to do.”
“I will share more of my story, but for now I want to end
there. My prayer for you is that you can explore yourself
and identify how you are dealing with your pressures and
what are the results of your efforts.”
“Lord, I pray that you will be the strength and love for my
brothers and sisters as they explore their lives. Help them
to know your desire to help them grow and your wisdom in
how to truly make that happen for them.” Scene fades out.
[Scene opens with one of the team reading aloud to
themselves one of the defenses, each person reading a
different defense until all of them have been read.]
Denial
Denial is the overall defense. Denial is the action of
closing our eyes to the reality happening in our life. It
works to keep us from feeling the pain and uncomfortable
truth about things we do not want to face. If we cannot feel
or see the consequences of our actions, we believe that
everything is fine, and we can continue without making any
changes.
A 15 year old student was referred to counseling after
getting into a physical fight with his teacher. When asked,
he said he didn’t have any problems. Obviously, he was
denying his reality.
A wife who sees signs that her husband is having an affair
might use denial by ignoring those signs, pretending that
the signs are false or that they mean something else.
These examples illustrate denial. Through using denial the
problem doesn’t go away, instead it usually has to the time
to become greater.
In China, denial has become part of culture. It is used often
to save face. By avoiding something unpleasant or
allowing another person to avoid their discomfort, denial is
seen as a positive action.
Scriptural example: Peter’s 3 denials of Christ is a clear
example of denial. Jesus even forewarned Peter that within
a few hours he would deny Jesus three times.
Matthew 26:69-75 Now Peter was sitting out in the
courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were
with Jesus of Galilee,” she said. But he denied it before
them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.
Then he went out to a gateway, where another girl saw him
and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of
Nazareth.” He denied it again, with an oath; “I don’t know
the man!” After a little while, those standing there went up
to Peter and said “Surely you are one of them, for your
accent gives you away.” Then he began to call down
curses on himself and he swore to them, “I don’t know the
man!” Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter
remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the
rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he
went outside and wept bitterly.
Peter’s words earlier to Jesus were: “Even if all fall away
on account of you, I never will.” In these words we can see
that Peter greatly desired to be true to Jesus, and yet, just a
short time later, he does just the opposite. In the next
session, we will talk about the motivators within us that
would result in situations like Peter’s. But for now we
want you to study reactions to pressure. Peter denies, and
as his simple denial lacks strength to ward off his pressure
(people telling him he is a follower), he adds avoidance and
moves off to another place avoiding the particular people
that are questioning him. The questions continue from
others, so he adds some hostility, calling down curses.
Defenses
Minimizing: To a person that is obviously very angry the
question, “Are you angry?” might be minimized down to,
“No, I am just a little frustrated.”
Minimizing is admitting to some degree the pressure,
problem, suffering exists, but not admitting to the fullness
of it.
A spouse when confronted with an affair, they might say
“It was only 1 time,” or “We just flirted.”
A person being confronted about their drinking might say
“It was only beer, it wasn’t hard liquor,” or “This time I
only had three drinks.”
Blaming: Blaming is where we put the responsibility of
our decisions into someone else’s hands. We may have
made the decision but believe it was someone’s or
something else’s fault.
Genesis 3:11b-13 “Have you eaten from the tree I
commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The
woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit
from the tree, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God said to the
woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said,
“The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
In this situation both Adam and Eve use blaming to avoid
the pressure that results in God’s question. Adam blames
God. God, you are to blame because you put the woman
here, and she gave me the fruit. Eve blames the serpent. It
was the serpent’s fault because he deceived me. The truth
was that they each made the decision to disobey God. They
had the freedom to choose to not eat the fruit. Blaming is
used here to help them avoid that truth and the
responsibility of their choices.
Avoiding: Avoiding is a defense that refuses to encounter
situations of pressure.
Jonah 1:1-2 The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of
Amittai: “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach
against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”
But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish.
He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for
that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed
for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.
Jonah was serious about his avoidance. He didn’t just stay
where he was and refuse to go. He went in the opposite
direction God had told him to go. Notice how Jonah’s
avoidance of one pressure resulted in additional pressures.
Rationalization: Rationalizing is giving a logical or
rational reason as opposed to the real reason. The person
rationalizing is not intentionally inventing a story to fool
someone else, but instead is misleading themselves as well
as the listener in order to avoid the uncomfortable truth.
Exodus 4:10 Moses said to the Lord, “O Lord, I have never
been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have
spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
Moses uses rationalization to protect himself from the
pressure of having to confront the Pharaoh to free the
Israelites. He is really saying: God here is the reason I
can’t go and do what you are asking me to do. And the
truth is that Moses is afraid. His defenses are attempts to
avoid experiencing more of what he is fearing.
Displacement: Use a glass of water as an example
Displacement is shifting the emotional component from
one object, idea or person to another.
Examples:
(1) A woman is abandoned by her fiance; she quickly finds
another man about whom she develops the same feelings.
The woman avoids the pain of hurt, loneliness, and
abandonment by transferring her feelings to another man.
(2) A worker is angered by his superior but suppresses his
anger; later, on return to his home, he punishes one of his
children for misbehavior that would usually be tolerated or
ignored. Here the worker fears the consequences of taking
out anger on his boss, so he displaces it onto his children,
whom he feels are less of a threat to him.
Genesis 4:3-5, 8 In the course of time Cain brought some
of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel
brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock.
The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but
on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So
Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Now
Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.”
And while they were in the field, Cain attacked Abel and
killed him.
Cain’s offering was rejected by God, and it upset Cain.
Instead of facing God, Cain displaced his anger onto Abel.
Hostility: Hostility is used when the person becomes
angry or unpleasantly irritable when the issue or pressure is
mentioned. Hostility tends to back others away from the
topics or actions that brought on the anger.
Acts 9:1 Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out
murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples.
Saul was using hostility against the disciples so they would
stop their activities. Later the same was done to him after
his conversion.
Acts 16:20-23 They brought them before the magistrates
and said, “These men are Jews, and are throwing our city
into an uproar by advocating customs unlawful for us
Romans to accept or practice.” The crowd joined in the
attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered
them to be stripped and beaten. After they had been
severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the
jailer was commanded to guard them carefully.
A parent may use hostility to motivate their child to study
harder in an attempt to avoid the fears that the child won’t
succeed.
A person might become angry when their spouse discusses
something uncomfortable with them. After several times of
using hostility, the spouse will tend to avoid those
discussions.
The last reader is LH. He continues, thinking to himself.
“I know I have done all of these, but recently I think I tend
to deny and then minimize when denial no longer worked,
and if the pressure continued I would displace it on my
wife. She has had to deal with my defenses. I have wanted
to be a good husband and team leader. When pressures
arose, I have dealt with most of them, the ones I knew what
to do. But with some of the team’s pressures I haven’t
known what to do. Now I can see that I used denial at the
early signs of these pressures, then minimized them,
thinking that they would go away with time. Those that
didn’t, I eventually would become irritated; instead of
dealing directly with the pressure, I would release my
frustrations on my wife.” The scene fades out.
The scene opens with LW at a desk journaling. She stops
to ponder. “I think my strongest defense is avoidance. I
have strong emotions some days to avoid meeting with the
locals. I don’t want to face their looks. I think I use it with
LH also. When he gets upset, I can sense it as soon as he
enters the room, and I work to focus our conversation on
peaceful topics or quietly leave the room instead of asking
how he is doing. Avoiding has limited our arguments, so I
think I have rationalized my avoidance into being
something positive. In the moment it is positive, but it
leads to having very little communication other than
superficial talks.” LW goes back to journaling her thoughts
and the scene fades out.
The scene opens with Sam meeting with SF. Sam asks.
“So how was your study time?”
SF responds saying. “The information was helpful in
showing me some of my reactions to the pressure I have
been feeling. One of my defenses is anger. I find that I
become easily frustrated, and if the pressure in my life
continues, then I will become angry and express that
toward my teammates in little ways. They are not the
source of my pressure, so I suppose I am also using
displacement with my hostility.”
“That is a good observation.” Sam replied. “Often
defenses are used in combinations.
You shared yesterday that your anger is a result of feelings
of helplessness toward reaching all the people who need to
believe in Jesus. How does reacting to your helplessness
affect your impact on the people?”
“I think it puts more pressure on each time I speak with a
local. The pressure makes it more difficult to connect with
them naturally, and it really limits my sense of how God is
leading in the situation. Reacting is just making things
worse.” SF responded.
“Yes. I find that true in my life also. There is hope, though,
and we will talk about that tonight as a team.”
The scene fades out and opens back with Sam walking with
SM down one of the city streets. The sun is just beginning
to set.
“Sam thanks for the information you shared with us earlier
today. It has helped me to feel like what is happening in
my life isn’t just random. I have been thinking about my
reactions to pressure as forms of defense. I see that I avoid
dealing with the pressure in my life, and it seems like I
escape into fantasy thoughts, most of which tend to be
sexual. Is that a form of avoidance?”
Sam replied. “I think that is an example of avoidance
through distraction. It sounds like you are avoiding the
pressure by thinking about fantasies, and that helps you
distract yourself from reality. You shared with me
yesterday that your pressures are related to feelings of
responsibility and obligation toward your parents.
Fantasizing is a strong defense to feelings of guilt. What
are the consequences of your fantasies?”
SM paused a few moments before responding. “Shame and
more avoidance, but now the avoidance is toward God and
my team. I don’t want them to see what I am going
through, so I only show them a good outside and hide most
of the struggles I am going through. So, another
consequence is isolation. That seems to only strengthen my
desires to escape in fantasies. It’s miserable.”
After a short silence Sam shares. “There is another path
that can be taken. Let’s go back. It is time to meet with the
group and we will begin to talk about that path.” The scene
fades as they return to the meeting place for the team.
Small group discussion questions:
1. What do you think are a couple of primary defenses
commonly used in China? Share examples where you have
seen these occurring.
2. In the next session we will look at the consequences in
using a defense to deal with pressure. From what you have
learned today, what do you think are some of the
consequences in using defenses?
Journal/Friend homework:
Identify what you believe to be your most common
defenses. Write out or share with your friend a personal
example that occurred in the past and identify the three
stages of consequences.