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Draft Teacher Background
REL ATAR UNIT THREE
Mod Three: The development of a
religious belief
Teaching and Learning Suggestions (3 weeks)
How one religious belief, teaching, ritual or practice developed over time
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Handout copies of all relevant unit documents (unit outline, assessment outline, school
assessment policy, etc.)
Introduce the first syllabus dot-point: how one religious belief, teaching, ritual or practice
developed over time
Deconstruct the syllabus dot-point by:
o Identifying key words
o Exploring how the words relate to each other
o The relationship between the dot-point and the sub-organiser and content organiser
Make connections with prior learning
Recall key terms: religious belief, teaching, ritual and practice
Overview the main features of a religious belief
Identify any related teachings, rituals or practices
Identify the time period in which the belief developed
Identify the key moments in the development of this belief
Examine the factors and/or circumstances that have contributed to the development of this
belief over a period of time
Explain what has been significant about how this belief developed over time
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Mod Three: The development of a
religious belief
Teacher Background
Syllabus content
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how one religious belief, teaching, ritual or practice developed over time
Focus Questions
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What are the main features of a religious belief?
What factors have contributed to the development of this belief over time?
How did this religious belief develop over time?
Suggested Outline of Learning
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Define key terms in the syllabus dot point
Overview the main features of a religious belief
Identify the time period in which the development of the belief occurred
Identify the key moments in the development of this belief
What contributed to the development of this belief over a period of time
What has been significant about how this belief developed over time
Religion and history
At any one time a religion and its followers exist within a particular time and place. Over time each
religion acquires a history that tells of how the religion interacted with its historical context. Within
this history the beliefs, teachings, rituals and practices of a particular religion will emerge and find
expression. Therefore, understanding the development of a particular religious belief, teaching,
ritual or practice needs to take into consideration the details of a religion’s history and the context in
which this history was formed.
Christian marriage
Christian marriage provides a good example of how the beliefs, teachings, rituals and practices of a
religion develop within the context of a religion’s history.
The development of the Catholic understanding of marriage
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Marriage is a social custom with many different understandings and practices throughout history
and in different cultures. With regard to the marriage of Christians, often what the Church has said
and done has been in response to issues and pastoral concerns about marriage. However, through
dealing with issues associated with marriage and by reflecting upon these matters, the Church has
gradually deepened its own understanding of marriage. In particular this process has enabled the
Church to recognise and develop its teachings concerning the sacramentality of marriage.
Marriage as a Sacrament
Catholics understand that Christian marriage is significant and within it is expressed a number of
interconnected beliefs: marriage is a covenant; a communion of two people; it creates a ‘domestic’
Church; a Christian vocation; a path to salvation; and it is a Sacrament that is a sign and source of
God’s grace at work in the world.
From these understandings comes the conviction that a sacramental marriage requires the consent
of two adults, male and female. It is a lifelong union that requires fidelity, openness to life, and a
capacity to love and be loved.
Early Church
In the early church marriage followed the customs of the society in which Christians lived. In both
Jewish and Roman culture marriage was primarily a family event. As with the rest of society
marriage was important for sexual union and procreation. However, for Christians, marriage also
had a spiritual quality and was seen as an important area of life in which believers followed Jesus.
Trust in the grace of God was a key part of living a good Christian life – whether married on not. This
is why some in early church communities sought a blessing from a bishop for their marriage.
In the area of marriage the early church grappled with a number of theological and pastoral
challenges. Many of these challenges were created by the normal realities of married life such as
when to marry and who, the death of a spouse, infidelity, and matters concerning divorce.
The realities of the culture in which Christians lived also presented challenges that impacted upon
the church, its members and those married. Such matters included issues associated with sexual
promiscuity inside and outside of marriage. They also included broader questions about how best to
live a Christian life, for instance what role widows should play in the community and whether they
should remarry or not.
Later in this period of early church history negative views in society about sexuality infiltrated the
Church and its thinking about marriage and family. Some of these views were shaped by ideas and
attitudes that were common in Roman society. Manichaeism in particular mistrusted and even
denied the goodness of the material or created world. By extension, both marriage and sexuality
were seen, figuratively and literally, as belonging to the material world.
These negative understandings within society jostled with and interacted with important Christian
beliefs, including the scriptural view of marriage. Inevitably this interaction influenced how Church
leaders and the Christian community understood marriage and sexuality. In conjunction with this
shift in social attitudes monasticism grew in popularity and became seen as the ideal way to live a
Christian life.
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Post-Constantine Church
With Christianity becoming the state religion of the Roman Empire conformity rather than
commitment began to define the Church community within the empire. The dedication and
resilience of the early followers of Jesus tended, in some cases, to give way to converts with mixed
motives for becoming Christians.
Further, with a rapid increase in converts the Christian community had to find ways to instruct and
form in the faith large numbers of new members. This created challenges and in some cases led to a
less robust formation of Christians. It also meant that many new converts continued with the
practices and attitudes that had characterised their lives before becoming Christians.
Theologically a more negative view of marriage had also come into the Church’s thinking about
marriage. This occurred because of issues in society such as the decline in the power of the empire,
lax attitudes towards sexual behaviour and a number of ideas (e.g. Neoplatonism, Manichaeism)
from inside and outside of the Roman Empire that gained attention in this period of time.
During this same period Augustine became a Christian, church leader and teacher of the faith. He
was in many senses a man of his times, reflecting in his own life and work many of the ideas,
attitudes and experiences present in society and within Christianity during this period. It is within
this context that he became an important and influential person in the life of the Church, both
during his lifetime and since.
Augustine contributed to the life and thought of the church community in many ways. One area in
which he made significant contribution was in the area of marriage. He along with others in the
church saw marriage as part of the Christian life. However, because of Original Sin, physical desire
and sexual intercourse were seen on the one hand as suspect and vulnerable to personal sin, but on
the other hand they also served a Christian good – procreation.
Augustine also developed a theology of the sacramentality of Christian marriage without actually
calling marriage a sacrament. He distinguished three values in marriage:
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fidelity, which is more than sexual fidelity
offspring, which entails the acceptance of children in love, their nurturing, affection, and their
upbringing in the Christian religion
sacrament, in that its indissolubility is a sign of the eternal unity of the blessed.
Like the other Church Fathers of East and West, Augustine also taught that virginity is a higher way
of life, although it was accepted that this calling was not given to everyone.
Middle Ages
By the Middle Ages the practice of marriage in Europe was largely a private affair that involved the
consent of a couple. For the Church these ‘private’ marriages were valid but were difficult to prove.
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In 1215 the Lateran Council required Christian marriages to have oaths and a witness; but marriages
were still considered valid without these. Later, the Council of Trent (1545-1563) enforced this by
stating a marriage is not valid without these requirements being met.
In the Middle Ages the understanding of sacraments in general, let alone in regard to marriage, was
less clear and a matter debated by theologians. Further, it was during this period of time that the
Church’s understanding of sacraments began to develop and find clearer expression in the work of
people like Thomas Aquinas. As a result of work in sacramental theology and debate about what
constitutes a sacrament as well as what were sacraments, marriage gradually came to be recognised
as one of the seven sacraments of the Church.
Contributing to this development was a broader shift in how marriage was understood in society.
Some in the Church began to recognise that marriage should be seen as more than a private affair
but instead should be viewed as a union requiring public consent and be sanctified by the Church.
This shift took a long time and was more about the public recognition of marriages than a deep
sacramental theology. The Church’s theology had to catch up with these developments. It did this
after the Council of Trent and more fully during and after the Second Vatican Council.
It must be remembered that during this time the Church’s theology about sacraments in general was
only beginning to be developed and more explicitly being expressed.
The Church’s focus during the Middle Ages was twofold: managing royal marriages and dealing with
private marriage. Both created issues for society and for the Church. The Church, which played a
central role in society, sought ways to minimise and manage such problems. As a result the Church
also came to see itself as more central in the practice of marriage. Part of the solution came from
defining, albeit in limited ways, marriage as a public, church affair with a spiritual quality.
Understanding this spiritual quality or dimension became the foundation for understanding marriage
as a sacrament.
Trent (1545-1563)
At the Council of Trent a number of doctrinal matters concerning marriage were addressed. In
particular Trent declared Marriage to be a permanent and indissoluble bond. It also declared
marriage was one of the Church’s seven sacraments.
However, much of the council’s focus at this Council was on marriage practices common at the time
or being promoted by some protestant reformers. In this regard Trent established a number of
canons (laws). These canons spelt out who could marry, what dispositions or attitudes were required
for marriage, how the sacramental ritual of marriage should be enacted (before a priest and two
witnesses), and when and where marriages should take place when celebrated in the church.
Vatican II (1963-1965)
The Second Vatican Council developed a fuller theology of marriage, including its sacramental
qualities. For instance the council’s Decree on the Apostolate of the Laity calls marriage ‘a great
mystery in Christ and the church,’ adding that ‘the apostolate of married persons is of unique
importance for the church and civil society’. In the Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the
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Modern World marriage and family is considered an important dimension of life in which the Church
felt it had a pastoral responsibility to protect, promote and nurture.
The Constitution on the Church in the Modern World states that marriage and family life is held in
high esteem by the Church and being married was seen as an important vocation. Further, the love
between couples was held in high esteem because it was a witness, to others, of committed married
love and a sign of Christ’s own love for the church.
The development of marriage as a sacrament
How the Church speaks about marriage has often been influenced by the issues and attitudes
prevailing in society in a given place and time. Out of these experiences the Church gradually
developed and expressed its understanding of marriage, and in time, came to recognise that in a
Christian marriage a sacrament is at work.
As stated in the Catechism:
The sacraments are "of the Church" in the double sense that they are "by her" and "for her."
They are "by the Church," for she is the sacrament of Christ's action at work in her through
the mission of the Holy Spirit. They are "for the Church" in the sense that "the sacraments
make the Church," since they manifest and communicate to men, above all in the Eucharist,
the mystery of communion with the God who is love, One in three persons. [CCC 1118]
The sacraments are efficacious signs of grace, instituted by Christ and entrusted to the
Church, by which divine life is dispensed to us. The visible rites by which the sacraments are
celebrated signify and make present the graces proper to each sacrament. They bear fruit in
those who receive them with the required dispositions. [CCC 1131]
Note:
A selection of documents related to the Church's teaching on marriage, the family, and the person
can be found on the following website: http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-andfamily/marriage/promotion-and-defense-of-marriage/church-documents-on-defense-ofmarriage.cfm
The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) offers a comprehensive treatment of the Church's
teaching and touches upon every facet of the Christian faith. Paragraphs 1601-1666 are particularly
applicable to the Sacrament of Matrimony:
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Supplementary teacher background
The following information outlines further detail about the Catholic understandings of marriage.
Married love
There is a special kind of committed love which is limited to a woman and a man. This is married
love.
A key characteristic of married love is that it is personal. It affects each as a whole person. It is not
only romantic or intellectual or emotional or sexual or having common interests. Rather, it is all of
these things.
The discovery of married love takes time. It is discovered best in the highs and lows of their
relationship, their conversations and arguments, their reconciliations or shared activities. Gradually,
they learn more about each other and themselves. They learn the other’s background, and the
influences that have helped shape them.
Over time the couple learns to develop the trust needed to deal honestly and candidly with
important personal issues and questions. Each respects the other. They learn to face difficulties and
disagreements together, neither feeling dominated by the other. They can share hopes, fears and
regrets.
As they discover that the special love they have for each other is personal, awareness that they are
truly meant for each other continues to grow. Their thoughts change from being best friends and
confidants to becoming spouses.
Two become one
While throughout their relationship the couple have related with each other, their full sexuality
comes into play as they realise that, as persons, each is incomplete without the other. As female and
male, they need to become one if each is to become truly whole as a person.
Thoughts of becoming one lead them to consider also the suitability of each other as a parent to any
children that they may have. The couple may consider whether: ‘Do we share the same hopes for
our children?’; ‘Do we want to pass on the same values?’; ‘Do we teach the same things to our
children?’
Planning the future
If the couple recognise that their love for each other reflects the potential of married love,
eventually they make a decision to commit themselves to each other in marriage.
Then they begin to plan when they will make this commitment, having it recognised publicly by
family, friends and wider society. True married love is not the kind of commitment that wants to
remain private to the couple.
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This leads to planning their future lives together, home, finances, possibilities about the care of
children and family planning to cite some examples. In all of this, true love is revealed in the ways
they respect each others’ wishes, adapt their wishes to each other, make compromises and respect
each other’s conscience.
Marriage created by God
Married love begins in the human heart. It cannot be planned, controlled or engineered. It is created
in the human heart by God:
This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife, and they
become one flesh. [Genesis 2:24]
As the Catechism of the Catholic Church expresses it:
The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from
the hand of the Creator. [CCC 1603]
As their love develops and is tested over time, couples arrive at the conclusion that indeed each is
incomplete without the other. They need to become one for the rest of their lives. This leads them
to make a commitment to each other for life, and to desire each other to be the parents of any
children.
As stated in the Catechism:
‘The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a
partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and
the procreation and education of offspring... .’ [CCC 1601]
Married love reflects the love of God
In God’s plan, married love is between a man and a woman. It is given totally, without reservation
and exclusively by each to the other. Being exclusive to each other, it cannot be shared with any
other person.
Married love reflects, in a special way, the love of God for each and every human person.
Since God created... man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and
unfailing love with which God loves (all people). It is good, very good, in the Creator’s eyes. [CCC
1604]
Married love gives security to the couple. Each can rely on the other so that the trust needed for
development as a whole person grows between them. It provides a support that means serious life
challenges and difficulties can be faced in ways that would not be possible for someone who is
unmarried.
The faithfulness couples promise each other in marriage can grow only as they communicate
together. This requires that they share their joys and sorrows and reveal to each other the events
and concerns of their daily lives.
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The closeness and intimacy of married love can be expressed only by an act of total self-giving. God
created this act, the total physical union known as sexual intercourse, when creating men and
women capable of expressing themselves in this way
a man... becomes attached to his wife, and they become one flesh. [Genesis 2:24]
Christians are called to appreciate human sexuality in marriage
People are created in God’s image and likeness and many human experiences reflect God’s love.
Among these are experiences of sexuality in marriage.
Genesis
The two Genesis accounts of the creation of humanity teach us that:
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God created the sexual in men and women
sexuality is fulfilled in a unique way through the communion of marriage [Genesis 2:25]
sexuality is fulfilled in a unique way through the conception of children [Genesis 1:28].
The personal focus of the love between married people mirrors the love of God for every individual.
The joy of their sexual expression of this love gives them clues to the joy of God when people accept
the intimate relationship that God wants with all.
The feelings of parents at the conception and birth of a child give some insight into God’s love for
every human person.
All these feelings stem from human sexuality, and can enhance our appreciation for the Creator’s
intentions.
The Song of Songs
This Biblical book is about God’s love revealed through human sexuality within the context of
married love. For example, we find described poetically:
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the power of sexual attraction between married people towards each other [Song of Songs 4:17; 5:10-16; 7:1-6]
the power of the desire for married sexual intimacy [Song of Songs 2:8-17; 8:1-4].
Such human experiences give clues to the power of God’s love and of God’s desire for people to
enter the Christian faith relationship. They help people appreciate what underlies:
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Jesus’ willingness to suffer rather than renege on his call to conversion [Matthew 16:21-23]
Jesus’ farewell command that his followers proclaim his Gospel to every nation [Matthew
28:20].
Such experiences, created by God, also help us to appreciate the goodness of human sexuality.
Isaiah
In the Book of Isaiah, we learn that the love of a mother for the child at her breast is not as great as
that of God for every human individual [Isaiah 49:15]. The feelings experienced by a mother as she
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nurses her child do reflect something of God’s love for her, for her child and for each of us. As a
mother reflects on her feelings, her appreciation of God’s personal and intimate love can deepen.
Another experience identified by Isaiah is that of a parent loving his or her child [Isaiah 66:13].
Fathers and mothers, reflecting on the feelings they have for their children, can appreciate
increasingly God’s love.
Such feelings stem from human sexuality and teach people of the nobility and goodness of human
sexuality.
Sexual feelings reflect the power of God’s love
God created human nature in the ‘image and likeness of God’ [Genesis 1:27]. Sexual powers and
feelings are at the core of every human person, they are at the core of how people can reflect God.
People know the power of sexual feelings, whether they are married or not. By revealing their
purposes, God is also revealing that when experienced as God intends, they reflect the power of
God’s love.
Within marriage, sexual feelings make it possible for husband and wife to be united, so powerfully
that ‘they become one flesh’. As they become ‘one flesh’, each learns the power of God’s love for
them personally.
Each experiences this power as overwhelming and glimpses how God’s love is personal, faithful and
totally committed.
God has taught principles of sexual morality to help people realise the importance of directing such
powerful experiences.
The procreation of children reflects God
The Creator of humanity intended the increase of the human race. The way God chose to implement
this was through people. So God gave people the powers to cooperate with their Creator in the
conception of human life.
Married love reflects the creative power of God’s love. The reason for this is that it is capable of
conceiving new life.
As stated in the Catechism
And this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful and to be realised in the common
work of watching over creation: ‘And God blessed them, and God said to them: “Be fruitful
and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it”’. [CCC 1604]
Parents together give a child all that the child inherits from them. Each is also a unique individual
and different from their parents in basic ways.
This uniqueness is due to God creating in each person a soul. It is the dynamic influence of this soul
or spirit that is the source of individuality. It is also the basis for people coming to realise that God
knows each one personally.
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For a child to develop into a free and mature individual, much more is needed than conception.
Emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual and other levels of development require stable relationships.
There need to be people who serve as permanent reference points for how to think or behave.
In God’s plan, these should be the parents who conceived the child. To provide the stable
relationships a child needs, their relationship with each other must be stable and permanent. They
need to be married. This is why God told the man and the woman in the first of the Creation Stories
Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth... [Genesis 1:28]
The Sacrament of Marriage
In God’s plan, the family is the basic unit within a society. A society is a community of families. If
family relationships are strong, their members are strong and together with members of other
families, they make society strong.
The basic foundation of a family is the permanent and stable marriage relationship between
husband and wife. From this relationship flows the parent-child relationship, the stable referencepoint children need for their development towards maturity.
God understands human nature better than people ever could and is aware of the human realities
that make it hard at times for people to live according to God’s plan.
To help people, God sent Jesus, the Son of God, to institute a special Sacrament, called the
Sacrament of Marriage. The purpose of this Sacrament is to make it possible for a couple who marry
to draw upon the strength of God’s love for their relationship.
Through the Sacrament of Marriage God seeks to strengthen in a radical way the love between
husband and wife. In this way, God strengthens the foundation for family life and through stronger
families, the future of human society.
The Sacrament of Marriage helps a married couple
A couple marry by exchanging marriage vows or consent and by consummating their vows. This
relationship is binding for life until one of the couple dies.
The prerequisite for the Sacrament of Marriage is that both partners have been baptised. It is
through Baptism that God ‘makes a home’ within a believer and God needs to be active within both
parties for a marriage to be a Sacrament.
This in no way reflects upon the marriages of couples where one partner is not baptised. These
marriages are no less valid or favoured in God’s sight. However, the relationship with God that
married partners need for the Sacrament of Marriage is lacking.
Jesus wants every couple to experience the Sacrament of Marriage. This why he told his disciples to
spread his message to all people, and to baptise all who come to believe [Matthew 28:19] and that
there is nothing elitist about the Sacrament of Marriage. Unfortunately, not everyone can enjoy it
because so many Christians do not try to do as Jesus commanded.
God seals the bond of marriage
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When two baptised people marry, their bond is sealed by God. This is what Jesus was referring to
when he said
what God has united, human beings must not divide. [Matthew 19:6]
This action brings God into the marriage relationship. It is a pledge of God’s support so long as the
couple cooperate with God
Thus the marriage bond has been established... in such a way that a marriage concluded and
consummated between baptised persons can never be dissolved. This bond is a reality,
henceforth irrevocable, and gives rise to a covenant guaranteed by God’s fidelity.
[Catechism 1640]
The Church does not have the power to change this.
In the Bible, a covenant was a solemn agreement that gave promises and required the fulfilment of
responsibilities. In the Sacrament of Marriage, the couple exchanges promises with God and each
other.
So long as they fulfil their responsibilities to God and each other, God works actively within each.
God stirs their thoughts, feelings, emotions and attitudes so that the couple become increasingly
one.
Love and unity strengthened
A wedding ceremony is the start of a marriage. The couple need to begin to work at their
relationship from then onwards. Otherwise, their marriage will not last.
In order to experience the action of God in their marriage, the couple need to work at their
relationship with God. If they neglect to pray, to worship or to try to live as Jesus taught, the
couple’s relationship with God will be less strong. They may find that the particular gifts God offers
through the Sacrament of Marriage have not developed sufficiently to help them overcome the
challenges they have to face. They will not be empowered to overcome serious challenges and
pressures in their marriage. The gifts God offers relate to guidance and spiritual strength in daily
married life.
The effects of these gifts are the strengthening by God of their love and unity. The communion
between them becomes stronger and more stable than could be achieved by human love alone.
As stated in the Catechism
This grace proper to the Sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple’s love
and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace, they ‘help one another to attain
holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children.’ [CCC 1641]
Christ is the source of the spiritual gifts of marriage
God’s gifts of guidance and strength in the Sacrament of Marriage are received through Jesus. He is
present with the couple in a special way, relating with them as they relate with him.
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As stated in the Catechism
Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him,
to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to
‘be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ’, and to love one another with
supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. [CCC 1642]
For Christians, the promise of Christ’s presence with them in their marriage relationship gives them
the faith to enter into marriage.
They believe that, despite the social and other pressures that bear down on a marriage relationship
today, through Christ, they will receive guidance when, for example, they need to:
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face the daily problems that arise in marriage
reopen communication when there is tension
pick themselves up again
forgive each other
bear each other’s burdens
put up with each other’s unattractive habits
overcome temptations to be unfaithful.
They believe that, through Christ, they will receive the inner spiritual strength for example, to:
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work out any problems they may be facing
make decisions about their home and family life
support each other
address issues related to parenting
make decisions about finance, moving house, the necessity for both to work outside the home.
Developing the personal relationship with Christ
The Sacrament of Marriage involves a three-way relationship, between the couple and between
each with Jesus. In order to experience what is offered through this Sacrament, the couple
individually and together need to keep developing their personal relationship with Jesus. They do so
by:
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worshipping together
receiving Jesus personally in Holy Communion
praying daily
striving to live as Jesus taught.
Their daily prayer needs to put before Jesus their real life challenges, questions and difficulties such
as:
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relationship and communication issues
concerns about their children
financial and other pressures
fears
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temptations to be unfaithful
employment problems.
Their prayer needs to reflect the openness of those who approached Jesus in the Gospels.
Developing the relationship with each other
Those sharing the Sacrament of Marriage have been joined by God. Christian married couples have
found that, for their marriages to flourish, they need to build upon this bond by working to develop
their relationship further. They need, for example, to:
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develop good communication
develop interest in each other’s daily activities and work
share their concerns and worries with each other
work together at building up their home and family life
share all responsibilities that arise from their marriage (care of the children, household tasks).
Every marriage is unique
Since every marriage is between two unique people, every marriage relationship is unique. While
God’s teachings and laws on marriage provide general guidance they are insufficient for the
challenges and issues that arise in individual marriages.
Despite the seriousness of marriage and future family commitments, there is no formal training
program to prepare couples totally for what is ahead of them.
This is why Jesus becomes present with couples in the Sacrament of Marriage. As the people of
Israel could approach him two thousand years ago with their questions and problems, so the couple
can turn to him at any time about any matter in their marriage.
The Sacrament of Marriage
Through the Sacrament of Marriage, God blesses and strengthens the love of believers. The
Sacrament emphasises God’s purposes for marriage which are:
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the growing love between a man and a woman who have exchanged vows of committed love to
each other
the conception of children within this stable relationship.
The characteristics God intends of the family
God intends the human family to have certain characteristics. The characteristics of family that God
intends are as follows. A family will be built upon [Catechism 2201, 2203]:
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the marriage of husband and wife
the conception and education of children
the personal relationships and responsibilities between parents and children, children and
parents and children between each other
the equal dignity of each of its members
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
an affinity of feelings, affections and interests based upon the respect of family members for
each other.
From the revelation of God in the Book of Genesis, we see that the family is the original cell of social
life. It is here that children first learn relationships, stability and love.
A man and a woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family. This
institution is prior to any recognition by public authority, which has an obligation to
recognise it. It should be considered the normal reference point by which the different
forms of family relationships are to be evaluated. [CCC 2202]
Family life is an initiation into life in society. [CCC 2207]
The family has the responsibility of assisting weaker members as far as it is possible for other
family members to do so. When the needs of weaker members are beyond the resources of
the family, other families and the wider society are obliged to assist.
The family should live in such a way that its members learn to care and take responsibility
for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, and the poor. [CCC 2208]
Charity empowers quality family life
Family life has always had its high and low points. There are times of celebration but also times of
tension. Family life demands times of forgiveness, sensitivity, understanding and all the other forms
of self-giving.
This kind of self-giving becomes easier as charity grows. As each person loves God for God’s own
sake, the relationship with God grows. This allows God to empower each to greater love and selfgiving.
As each person loves the other for God’s sake, their motivation for self-giving depends less upon
others’ responses. If other family members are being difficult, this can be overcome.
The Commonwealth and Church legal requirements for marriage
Any couple wanting to marry have to fulfil certain civil law requirements. In Australia, the
Commonwealth Government requires that couples to be married:

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complete a ‘Notice of Intended Marriage’ form not more than three, nor less than one, calendar
month prior to celebration of the marriage. The completion of this form includes the
presentation of Birth Certificates
have signed a Declaration that they are eligible to marry, meeting the age requirements
(eighteen years of age unless special permission has been given); and are free from all legal
impediments (or, where possible, such impediments have been dispensed)
be married by an authorised celebrant and two witnesses.
The Church requires that couples to be married:

complete a Church Pre-Nuptial Inquiry form which includes statements establishing their
freedom to marry
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
have no State or Church legal impediments to their marriage or, where possible, such
impediments have been dispensed.
Pressures on Marriage Today
There are many challenges on married people some of which can be very serious. As a result, though
they may be deeply in love when they first marry, sometimes these challenges can be hard to
overcome because the love between wife and husband is not strong enough. For example:
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different expectations about the roles of husband and wife
lack of a stable family background for one or both of the spouses
established personality patterns that conflict
communication problems
unrealistic marriage expectations
unmet needs for genuine emotional intimacy
financial pressures
lack of house management skills
conflict with in-laws
different expectations about sex
different expectations about the children
very different backgrounds of the couple
As well as the challenges the couple bring to the new marriage, there are also external challenges.
For example:
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decline in support for the extended family with the rise of the nuclear family
economic pressures, especially if married people have expectations that are financially
unrealistic
social and work pressures that lower people’s sense of being in control
decline of values in society, which weaken people’s ability to find self-esteem and direction in
life.
Marriage is enduring
The challenges to marriage and family life can seem discouraging. People can be sceptical about
marriage and fear making a marriage contract.
God has sought to protect people and their children from the suffering of separation and divorce.
This is one reason for God’s laws related to human sexuality, summed up under the Sixth and Ninth
Commandments.
This means that anyone can look forward with reasonable optimism if considering marriage provided
they:
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live according to God’s laws in relation to human sexuality
undertake a good and solid programme of marriage preparation as early as possible after they
decide to marry.
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Sex before marriage
Marriage is total ‘self-giving of husband and wife’. Each gives himself or herself to the other
completely and without reservation.
In marriage the expression of mutual self-giving and commitment is the totally personal union of
sexual intercourse. This expresses love that is both unconditional and that is potentially life-giving.
Prior to marriage, sexual intercourse is not an appropriate expression of love. In fact, prior to
marriage, it can endanger the maturing love of the couple. For example, it can strengthen the
romantic and sexual love between the couple so that:
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they find it difficult to consider, with sufficient reflection their total compatibility for each other
their feelings of closeness make it more difficult negotiating the compromises needed for a
successful marriage
they are reluctant to raise difficult questions and issues that need resolving before committing
to marriage
either or even both may repress concerns that need to be addressed.
Perhaps the greatest danger to couples engaging in sexual intercourse before marriage is that they
may be deceived into feeling that they are closer than actually is the case.
Couples who do not practise chastity are in danger of believing that they are ready for marriage
when, in fact, they are not. As a result, their love will not be strong enough to sustain the kinds of
challenges that are likely to arise in a marriage.
Preparation for marriage
In a society in which many people have different ideas on marriage, sex, love and commitment, it is
easy for people to become confused about marriage. Such confusion is not helpful to anyone
considering marriage.
It is important for couples thinking about marriage to undertake adequate marriage preparation.
Good marriage preparation programs and wise marriage preparation counsellors help couples to
address issues related to their marriage.
When couples have decided to marry, they should seek the advice of the priest who is going to
perform their wedding ceremony about marriage preparation as soon as possible. There are
different programmes for different needs.
Good marriage preparation counsellors are concerned with helping couples prepare well for their
future together.
For Catholics, the regular practice of the Sacrament of Penance is also particularly important. As
their relationship with God is restored, damage can be healed, their potential love strengthened and
their capacity to trust to the extent needed for good marriage preparation can grow.
Chastity helps couples to prepare well for marriage. It leads them to be confident about their
commitment.
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The Rite celebrates the meaning of marriage
Weddings always attract interest and entail much planning for those involved. The important part of
marriage is the wedding ceremony and its meaning.
At the centre of the Rite of Marriage is the exchange of vows between the woman and the man. This
is fundamental to the Christian meaning of marriage as explained in the Church’s Code of Canon Law
The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a
partnership of their whole life, and which of its own very nature is ordered to the well-being
of the spouses and to procreation and upbringing of children, has, between the baptised,
been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament. [Code of Canon Law 1055]
It is important to stress that this meaning is behind all aspects of a Marriage Rite. It is:
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a special covenant
a lifelong partnership
a partnership that a man and a woman establish between themselves
for the well being of the spouses
for the procreation and upbringing of children
a Sacrament when established by two baptised people.
The consent to enter into marriage
The exchange of vows is the most solemn moment in the Marriage Rite. This is when the man and
the woman confer upon each other the Sacrament of Marriage.
The priest and two others witness this moment, but it is the couple who are the ministers of this
Sacrament to each other.
As stated in the Catechism
...it is ordinarily understood that the spouses, as ministers of Christ’s grace, mutually confer
upon each other the sacrament of Matrimony by expressing their consent before the
Church. [CCC 1623]
Through the vows, each pledges to live in married faithfulness to the other without any conditions
until they are separated by death. The couple complete their consent by consummating their
marriage. To emphasise the divine action that seals their consent, the celebrant repeats Jesus’
words: ‘What God has joined, man must not divide’ [Mark 10:9].
The essential conditions for valid marriage
Before exchanging vows, the couple seeking marriage are asked questions to establish that they:
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seek marriage freely and without reservation
intend to love and honour each other for the rest of their lives
will accept children from God.
The questions are:
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...have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in
marriage?
Will you love and honour each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?
Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ
and his Church?
The last question is asked in the knowledge that the couple is called to make responsible parenthood
decisions. (It is not asked if the woman is beyond child-bearing years).
Unless these conditions are fulfilled, there can be no valid marriage. Unfortunately, sometimes
couples realise only later that at least one of the conditions has not been fulfilled. This is one reason
why the Church now requires adequate marriage preparation.
Blessing and Exchange of Rings
A ring is endless, a symbol of the lifelong love pledged by husband and wife for each other. After
vows have been exchanged, the rings are blessed so that they can be reminders to the couple and to
all others that the couple’s love has been consecrated by God and that God has bound them
together. The rings are then exchanged.
Marriage of Catholics and Christians who are not Catholics
For a marriage covenant between two people to be a sacrament, both must:
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be baptised (Baptism being the prerequisite for all other Sacraments)
intend to enter into the Sacrament of Marriage in terms of its meaning and conditions.
Baptised Christians who are not Catholics, and who fulfil the above conditions, enter into the
Sacrament of Marriage. No human authority can break their marriage bond.
A celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage is a liturgy. It is a celebration of the Church and needs to
be recognised by the Church.
Normally, for their marriage to be a Sacrament, the Church requires that Catholics be married by
exchanging vows before an authorised Church celebrant (usually a priest or a deacon, or a specially
delegated lay person in parts of the world where there may be no priest or deacon available) and
two witnesses (usually members of the wedding party).
Provided the essential conditions for marriage have been fulfilled, no remarriage is possible while
either spouse is alive.
Catholics marrying other Christians
When a Catholic and a baptised person from another Christian Church approach the Church to enter
into a marriage covenant, they receive the Sacrament of Marriage.
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When a Catholic and an unbaptised person exchange marriage vows in the Church, their relationship
is blessed, but cannot be a Sacrament. This is because, as explained earlier, the Sacrament of
Marriage depends upon the relationship with Jesus that is established through Baptism.
In both cases, the marriage covenant is permanent and lifelong fidelity is expected.
Marrying outside the Church with Church recognition
For special reasons, sometimes before marrying, a Catholic asks the Church to recognise his or her
marriage to someone who is not a Catholic in a wedding not performed by an authorised Church
celebrant. He or she seeks a dispensation (an official exemption) from the normal requirement. This
will usually be given for valid reasons.
Before giving a dispensation, the bishop of the diocese will want to satisfy himself that the essential
conditions for a valid marriage have been fulfilled.
Marrying outside the Church without recognition
Catholics receive Sacraments through the Church. So, if a Catholic goes through a form of wedding
ceremony outside the Church without seeking appropriate recognition, no Sacrament is received. As
a result, the Church does not recognise the marriage or that it is binding upon the couple.
In practice, this means that no marriage bond has been sealed by God, and either party remains free
to enter into the Sacrament of Marriage. He or she can even do so with a baptised person once a
civil divorce from the civil marriage has been granted.
Reasons why a dispensation may be denied
For serious reasons, a request for a dispensation and Church recognition may be denied. The most
obvious are:
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one of the partners is already married (even though there may be a civil divorce)
the couple may have a blood relationship that is too close for a valid marriage
an essential condition for marriage may be unfulfilled.
These circumstances would prevent the Church itself from performing a marriage, and so prevent it
equally from recognising a marriage ceremony celebrated elsewhere.
Seeking support for a marriage
Today, there are many whose aim it is to support marriage relationships through preparation and
counselling services.
It is important that Catholics use only those services that share the ideals of Christian teaching on
marriage. If a couple seeks help in resolving a marriage problem from services that do not value
lifelong fidelity, they may not find the type and level of support they are seeking.
People can enter into a marriage without the essential conditions
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Sacramental marriages, being sealed by God, cannot be dissolved, unless they have not been
consummated. So, even if a civil divorce may be granted, the Church cannot recognise this, for the
State has no power to divide ‘what God has united’ [Mark 10:8].
The Church teaches the indissolubility of the Sacrament of Marriage. The whole question of valid
and invalid marriages is a complicated one.
If the claim that no valid marriage existed can be established, a Statement of Annulment is issued by
the Church. This frees the couple of all marriage responsibilities. However, if they have had children,
they still have the obligations of all parents.
In general terms, the grounds for annulment relate to lack of freedom or lack of adequate intention
when the marriage took place or lack of capacity by one of the partners to fulfil the essential
obligations of marriage.
An annulment states there was no marriage. It does not break a valid marriage covenant. The Church
has no power to do this because of the command of Jesus that ‘what God has united, human beings
must not divide’ [Mark 10:8].
The grounds for an annulment are explained in Church law and have to be established through
evidence and witnesses.
Lack of freedom
The purpose of Church law is to implement the teachings of Jesus in practical life situations. One
requirement of marriage is freedom, so in Church law [Canon 1103]:
A marriage is invalid which was entered into by reason of force or of grave fear imposed
from outside, even if not purposely, from which the person has no escape other than by
choosing marriage.
Apart from physical threat or blackmail, there can be other pressures on a couple to marry. For
example, there may be a mistaken sense of obligation because:
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of the fear that the intended spouse would be hurt if one did not go through with the wedding
it may be too late to call it off
of pregnancy
of parental pressures and expectations
of the fear for the emotional well being of the other if the marriage were to be cancelled.
Lack of intention in the consent
A marriage would be invalid if either of the couple lacked sufficient intention. There would be
insufficient intention, for example, if either the man or the woman intended a restriction like:
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putting a time-limit on the marriage
only intending to stay together until the children grow up
only if the marriage stays happy
provided they have a home
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provided the other remains faithful.
Lack of intention is recognised when it can be shown that one of the couple was incapable of
contracting marriage in the first place.
Many practical examples could be cited:
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proven immaturity and inability to accept marriage obligations
an established pattern of being unable to enter into any lasting commitment
emotional instability because of a recently failed engagement
a feeling they are getting too old and that this is their last chance.
For an annulment, it would need to be established that there was a lack of intention when the
couple actually exchanged their consent.
One of the objectives of marriage preparation required by the Church is to help couples ensure that
they feel confident in their own and each other’s readiness to enter marriage.
Later problems in the marriage relationship do not invalidate a marriage.
How grounds for an annulment are established
The Church is strict in its proclamation of Jesus’ teaching about the indissolubility of marriage, it is
equally concerned to ensure that those who are not validly married are not bound by marriage
obligations. This is a fundamental principle that needs to be understood in any discussion of
marriage annulment.
In its concern for people, the Church has established special procedures to collect all the relevant
evidence needed to establish whether or not a marriage is valid. They are carried out by a special
Tribunal established by the diocesan bishop.
Though its procedures are based upon centuries of experience, it is always possible for someone to
submit deliberately false evidence or to make claims they know to be false. However, the annulment
process is as effective as humanly possible.
If someone believes the diocesan Tribunal has erred in making a negative decision on their
application for an annulment, there are further processes of appeal. Enquires about an appeal
should be made to the diocesan Tribunal or to their diocesan bishop.
From time to time, famous people receive an annulment. People can question the Church’s belief in
marriage as a result.
It is important not to make a judgement as:
(i) all evidence and testimony to a Tribunal remains absolutely secret, even to other Church officials
and bodies
(ii) Tribunals are unable to defend their decisions for reasons of strict confidentiality, even when
those receiving an annulment give false explanations.
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There are no individuals or groups who enjoy special consideration during marriage annulment
enquiries. The marriage either has been sealed by God or it has not. Even the Pope is powerless to
change this reality.
The status of the children of an annulled marriage
A declaration of annulment does not change the status of the children born into the marriage either
in Church or civil society.
The Catholic Church teaches that all children regardless of the status of their parents’ marriage or
how they were conceived share the same God-given rights.
The State or Church cannot dissolve a marriage joined by God
The authority of the State is not greater than God’s authority. State authorities do not have the
power to dissolve Christian marriages.
If a couple whose marriage is a Sacrament receive a State divorce which entitles them to remarry in
a civil ceremony, this is not recognised by the Church and they cannot remarry.
As with the State, the Church cannot dissolve the relationship between couples sealed by God in the
Sacrament of Marriage, and whose marriage has been consummated. Even if the Church were to try
to do so, such a bond would remain undissolved because of God’s authority.
Can the Church dissolve marriages that are not Sacraments?
A baptised person has a God-given right to enter into the Sacrament of Marriage with another
baptised person, and to experience all that God offers through this Sacrament. Many surrender this
right willingly because they love and wish to marry a non-baptised person.
Pauline Privilege
Since its earliest times, the Church has known that, though human authorities have no power to do
so, the Church itself has the power from Christ to dissolve marriages between two unbaptised
people because their marriages have not been ‘sealed by God’ as a Christian Sacrament in special
circumstances.
This power was exercised by the Apostle Paul well before even the first of the Gospels was
completed, and is known as the Pauline Privilege [1 Corinthians 7:10-16].
Petrine Privilege
A marriage between a baptised and an unbaptised person is also not a Sacrament. As explained
earlier, a marriage can only be a Sacrament if God has ‘made a home’ within each of the spouses
through Baptism [John 14:23]. The Pope has the spiritual power to dissolve such marriages in special
circumstances under what is called the Petrine Privilege.
The Petrine Privilege is based upon the use of the ‘power of the keys’ first given to Peter by Jesus to
‘bind and loose’ [Matthew 16:19]. However, it must be stressed again that this power, inherited by
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the Pope today, cannot ‘loose’ a Sacramental Marriage for ‘what God has united, human beings
must not divide’ [Mark 10:8].
When a marriage has not been consummated
For various reasons, a couple may marry, but not consummate their marriage. This means that their
marriage vows have not been completed.
In this situation the Church has the power to dissolve the marriage bond for serious reasons. This is
true even if the marriage is a Sacrament.
These situations are not easy to understand. They are as complicated as the lives of people and
require greater understanding. It is important to recall some fundamental principles:
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every baptised person has the right from God to enter into the Sacrament of Marriage, a union
‘sealed by God’;
the Church cannot dissolve non-Sacramental marriages except in the circumstances referred to
above;
the Church can only implement God’s laws related to marriage, not change them;
the Church has pastoral responsibilities to all people — and is bound to help people in marriage
difficulties to work out their obligations from God;
the Church cannot hold bound to marriage people not so bound by God.
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The following information outlines further detail about the Catholic understandings of relationships.
Relating with others
The road to true relationships is not easy. Throughout life, people find that some relationships grow
while others fade. Some last longer than others, and, when they end, some do so naturally, while
others do so hurtfully.
The importance of true relationships helps people to understand jealousy and why people keep
testing each other.
Sometimes, until people learn to relate in mature ways, they fear standing up to friends who want
them to do wrong.
Another reality is that, as people grow older, they realise that they need to respond more to parents
and family members. People may come to regret past tensions and stresses and wish they could
change them.
Common relationship questions
People share common concerns and questions such as:
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how do I know if someone is a true friend?
how far can I trust people?
why does no one seem to understand me?
why am I confused about friendships?
why do people seem not to like me?
when do I know if I am in love?
how will I know whether someone truly loves me?
how should I express affection?
are sexual feelings a sign of a close relationship?
what’s wrong with just ‘living together’?
how will I cope with being married?
can I handle the responsibilities of being a parent?
These and other questions reflect underlying concerns about:
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commitment and love in relationships
human sexuality.
The call to relate with others comes from within
To relate with others is a basic human need. Unless this need is met, people feel alone and
incomplete. They cannot develop fully as human individuals. Their personalities remain stunted.
Without others, people lack the many important opportunities that true relationships provide to
develop personal qualities, talents and skills. For example, friends experiencing problems provide
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opportunities to develop loyalty. Family members who are sick or depressed provide opportunities
to develop compassion and understanding.
People need to relate with each other. It is through these relationships that they find happiness and
opportunities for personal development.
Relationships are based upon self-giving
Many make the mistake of thinking about their relationships in terms of ‘what I get out of it’. This
way of thinking makes it difficult for people to develop a commitment in a relationship.
Many who think this way find long-term commitments difficult.
A genuine and long-lasting relationship results as two people ‘give’ to each other. As one person
gives, the other feels gradually moved to respond and a true relationship begins.
Self-giving requires an accurate self-image
To ‘give’ in friendship, people need to learn to develop an accurate self-image. This makes them
aware of their gifts and strengths.
In order to be self-giving, people need to be aware of what they have to offer. Social trends today
often encourage people to become more aware of the ‘negative’ than the ‘positive’ when thinking
about themselves. As a result, many find relationships difficult because they cannot see what they
have in themselves that is worth giving.
People need to keep trying to develop an accurate self-image in order to relate. While this will
include acknowledging personal weaknesses, it will also involve discovering and developing personal
qualities, talents, skills and other personal gifts.
True relationships require love that is other-centred
The strength of any relationship depends upon the kind of love upon which it is based. There are
different kinds of love:
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filial love, which is the love felt between family members
altruistic love, which is the natural selfless concern people feel for others, especially when
misfortune comes their way
romantic love, which is when one feels close to another because of psychological or physical
attraction
sexual (and erotic) love, which is based upon sexual desires.
Love that is romantic or sexual is self-centred. It tends to weaken when the attraction wanes. Both
romantic and sexual love can be strong for a time. Both can lead people to ‘fall in or out of love’
neither is strong enough to sustain true and longer-term relationships.
A major problem with a love that is either sexual or romantic is that it can destroy potentially true
and long-lasting relationships. Unless disciplined, it can take over a relationship and stunt the
development of other aspects that need to be developed.
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Love that is filial or altruistic, on the other hand, is other-centred. It is also deeper than the emotion
of love. It is longer-lasting and more reliable in terms of commitment. It leads to relationships of
quality.
Many close friendships may begin at the romantic or sexual levels, but then develop to altruistic
love. Those involved have disciplined their romantic and sexual feelings so that their potential for
the deeper, altruistic love has grown.
Couples may find their love for each other grows to the extent that they realise it is special and
committed. So they decide to marry.
Unfortunately, it is also true that some couples marry or ‘live together’ when their love is simply
romantic or sexual. They claim to ‘feel’ close. As this love weakens, their relationship is less able to
face the normal stresses and challenges of life and the commitment a marriage relationship requires.
Many then break up or divorce.
Committed love is concerned first for the good of the other person
In any relationship, regardless of how it starts, the love needed for it to grow is committed love. The
greater this commitment becomes, the stronger the relationship develops.
The major characteristic of this love is commitment to the good of the other person.
‘To love is to will the good of another.’ All other affections have their source in this first
movement of the human heart toward the good. Only the good can be loved.’ [CCC 1766]
The first example most people experience of committed love is the love of their parents. When
children are younger, this ‘parental love’ is obviously other-centred. Parents care for and educate
their young children unconditionally.
True love can require also saying ‘no’ at times. People can often be mistaken in what they think is
good. To love, they have to do what they believe to be the best thing in the end. Others may not
appreciate their decision at the time, but eventually they will come to realise the genuine love that
led to the decision.
True love requires moral understanding
If ‘love is to will the good of another’, people need to do what they can to learn what is good or not
good for others as people. This leads them to search for the principles that identify good and evil.
These are the principles of morality.
What is truly good for another, no matter who they are, will always be morally right.
True love requires making choices rather than following feelings
True love can lead to conflict, such as choosing between personal interests and the interests of
others. It can lead also to conflicts between what others want and what would be good for them;
between pleasing them by doing wrong or risking upsetting them by doing what is right.
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True love requires people to make real choices. Emotions alone cannot be relied upon in times of
conflict. Emotions, unless understood and directed properly, can cause confusion and weaken
resolve.
In times of conflict, moral principles are always important. They can warn people when emotions are
misleading thoughts. They help people to identify what is for the good of another and to avoid
emotions that tend to dominate.
True love never requires people to do what they know to be wrong.
True relationships respect conscience
It is important to remember that people who are truly concerned for the good will never pressure
others into violating their conscience, or to do what is wrong. This is one way of evaluating the real
strength of a relationship. Those who truly love will never try to:
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pressure people to do what they sincerely believe to be wrong
trick people into violating sincerely held moral beliefs
manipulate emotionally to disobey God’s laws.
Even if they believe what they want to be right, those who truly love others will always respect their
conscience.
When thinking about their relationships, people need to identify first the kind of love that each is
based upon. Otherwise they may make mistakes when evaluating their relationships or when trying
to work out how to develop them further. Relationships they thought would be long-term may
prove not to be the case.
Commitment
For real commitment, people need to understand others. They cannot be loyal, forgiving or caring of
others without understanding their needs and how they are feeling.
People need to know and understand themselves and feel confident about their capacity to respond
to others.
Commitment requires an understanding of moral values. Otherwise people will not be able to work
out what would and what would not be ‘good’. Morally wrong actions can never be consistent with
true love. No matter how ‘close’ they feel, people who consistently do what is wrong commonly find
that their relationship eventually breaks down.
Committed love, therefore, requires that people develop an understanding of others and of
themselves, as well as of what is and what is not good.
Commitment for true relationships needs to be developed
True love requires commitment. If true love were simply an emotion, people would be unable to
remain faithful and loyal, or to forgive when they are irritated.
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Different relationships teach that there are different levels of commitment and love. For example
people feel closer to some friends than to others. The commitment required for marriage and
parent-child relationships is deeper than friendships.
A relationship deepens when commitment increases
Committed love is a gift from one person to another. For example, parents, exhausted after several
nights of broken sleep, may feel no joy at all to be woken again in the middle of the night by their
crying child. Yet their child is too young to respond in return, so their love is their gift to their child. It
does not depend upon the child’s response.
The relationship between parent and child is deeper than feelings, though feelings are affected by it.
Genuine relationships may require, at times, forgiveness, mercy, loyalty and compassion. People
who have not learnt how to give forgiveness, loyalty, compassion or mercy have not yet learnt to
love to the extent needed for genuine relationships. They have failed to achieve the kind of
selflessness needed to free them to love others.
Committed love does not depend solely upon a response or return. Committed love in any
relationship is always a gift. It is given freely and seeks no reward. As it deepens, so does a
relationship.
Commitment requires personal development
Committed love is always ‘personal’, it involves the whole person and not just the emotions. It
demands personal commitment and makes demands on many levels; physical, intellectual,
emotional and spiritual.
To develop committed love, people need to learn to respond to others’ needs. They need to learn to
avoid expressing emotions in ways that are not for the good of others, including ways that are not
morally good.
The human body
The human body is the ‘language’ of the human person. It expresses in verbal and non-verbal ways
care, forgiveness and loyalty.
Love comes from the ‘heart’, it needs to be expressed in different ways. Appropriate signs of
affection differ according to the relationship. People express affection differently towards parents
and family members than they do to friends.
Committed love requires that people learn to discipline their bodies so that they express love rather
than selfishness, and goodness rather than evil.
Emotional maturity
To develop committed love, people need to understand and to direct their emotions.
To the extent that people do not direct their emotions, their ability to develop committed love is
weakened. Instead, some emotions, such as desire, may take over. They can lead people to behave
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in ways that are not consistent with truly ‘personal’ love. Relationships can become totally
dependent upon how people ‘feel’.
Since committed love needs to be truly ‘personal’, it requires the involvement of the whole person.
This means, then, that emotional maturity is essential if a person is going to be able to love others in
committed ways.
Inner spiritual strength
To develop commitment, people need to develop inner spiritual strength as well as other spiritual
gifts such as selflessness, ideals, self-awareness and inner peace.
Some people can seem to be endlessly demanding. True love is difficult when others do not seem to
respond.
Forgiveness, understanding, compassion, politeness to people and loyalty to those whom others
reject, can all be difficult to give without inner spiritual strength.
A healthy sexuality
For a healthy sexuality, as well as for real and long-term relationships, people need to be able to
control their sexual feelings.
Typical issues that can lead to strong sexual feelings unless they are faced up to or accepted include:
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family tensions
parents separating
grief at the death of a family member
relationship upsets
loneliness
built-up but unrecognised emotions
fear of failure, especially in the eyes of others
study difficulties
times of special stress, such as major exams, or relief after the stress has gone
anxieties about the future
coping with step parents and families.
For many strong sexual feelings and temptations can be symptoms of deeper tensions.
Gratifying such temptations, instead of working out their causes, can lead to the development of
ingrained sexual habits and behavioural patterns. In the long run, these hamper the development of
true and long-lasting relationships. They can make it harder for people to progress to the deeper
levels of love needed for commitment.
Strong sexual feelings can lead people into relationships built upon sexual or erotic love. They can
lead people also to seek gratification in other ways, such as sexually explicit movies, literature,
magazines and posters. In turn, this can lead some people to treat others only in abusive and morally
wrong ways.
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True relationships require healthy sexuality
For true and long lasting relationships, people need to see others as well as themselves as people.
This means seeing others as individuals with their own ideals, hopes, qualities and personal needs.
It also means recognising and respecting each other’s sexuality, their femaleness or maleness.
Whether people are male or female affects them at every level. It affects how they think, feel, react
and respond to others.
Sexuality affects how people love and relate. It also gives people the capacity to conceive children as
well as to relate with them as parents.
Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his (or her) body and soul. It
especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the
aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others.
A healthy sexuality, therefore, is people, as males or females, being able to express their thoughts,
feelings and other personal gifts in ways that are good. [CCC 2332]
Sexuality is different from sex
Many today confuse sexuality with sex. Sexuality is much more significant than ‘sex’, for it affects
every moment of an individual’s life.
It is sexuality that affects physiological development into adulthood. As it does so, people become
capable of expressing married love and of conceiving new human life.
The desire to integrate sexual feelings
With maturity grows the desire for inner harmony and peace. As a result people do not want their
emotions to take away their capacity to think in situations. They want their behaviour increasingly to
be consistent with their values and personal ideals. They want to make choices that reflect greater
inner personal freedom.
The desire for inner harmony and peace leads people to want their sexual feelings to function in
ways that are consistent with the rest of their human gifts, their ideals, their values and their
knowledge of right and wrong. They do not want their sexual feelings to dominate or to conflict with
these gifts.
People do not want their sexual feelings to lead them to behave in ways they know to be wrong. If
they find this happening, they want to change, even though they may not really know how to do so.
The yearning for inner freedom
People yearn for inner freedom so that they can always make choices. They like the inner freedom
to be able to think before speaking or acting, and to avoid succumbing to blind instinct.
It is normal for people to want freedom from the power of undirected sexual feelings. They also
want to break sexual habits that may have developed.
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The following information outlines further detail about the Catholic understandings of Charity.
Charity: a special kind of love
When creating human nature, God originally intended people to ‘live together’ in love and harmony.
God’s plan was that there would be peace on earth at all levels, amongst family and friends, the
local, national and international communities. Both Creation Stories in the Book of Genesis present
this feeling of peace and harmony.
When people turned from God, they sinned [Genesis 3]. Then, in the Story of Abel and Cain, brother
turned against brother [Genesis 4]. Tension developed between Adam and Eve, he blaming her for
his sin [Genesis 3:12].
Through the Creation Stories, God is teaching that, as long as they relate with God, people will live in
harmony with each other. God is the source of harmony and peace on earth. On the other hand, if
people do not relate with God, they drift from the source of human harmony and peace. Violence,
tension, jealousy and the other evils commonly seen in human society grow.
There are many examples of people not relating as God originally intended. There is war between
nations, racism, injustice and discrimination at all levels of society. There are also tensions between
families, friends and within nations.
The media provides many examples of ways that human society is far from what God originally
planned. All point to the human consequences that result when people cut themselves off from God.
As a result, Jesus came and offered humanity a special gift called charity.
Charity is received through Baptism. It is a gift of the Holy Spirit and empowers those who develop it
in two ways:
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they can love God for God’s own sake
they can love others for God’s sake.
If every human person loved others, there would be no tensions in the world.
Loving God for God’s sake
Being able to love God for God’s own sake strengthens a person’s relationship with God. Selfishness
and self-interest lessen.
In giving people charity, God is giving people the capacity to develop closer relationships with their
Creator. As their relationships with God develop, God influences them to love others as God does;
that is, with commitment and goodness.
Loving others for God’s sake
Tensions exist in human society because of many human weaknesses. Ultimately, their source lies in
the hearts of the people who make up society.
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A major problem lies in the inability to see others as people. Instead, they focus upon externals such
as skin colour, disfigurement, age and gender characteristics. This leads to problems such as racism,
discrimination and ageism.
The ability to love others for God’s sake means that people are able to love unconditionally. Those
who develop charity can rise above personal hurts and resentments to forgive, to be kind and to
show genuine care.
The capacity to love others for God’s sake grows with love for God.
Christians need to reclaim ‘charity’
People associate giving money to needy causes, never making negative comments about others and
having pity on others less fortunate with charity. For some, charity means giving so that others will
think well of the donor, while the donor really is quite indifferent and insensitive to the needy.
The word ‘charity’ is so fundamental to Christian love, its Christian meaning needs to be understood.
Charity is a gift given by the Holy Spirit who dwells within the human heart through Baptism. This gift
needs to be developed so that it becomes a virtue or a habitual way of behaving towards God and
other people.
As a gift of God, charity is called a ‘theological’ virtue:
Charity is the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for (God’s) own sake,
and our neighbour as ourselves for the love of God.
Any effort to love that does not imitate God’s love is not charity. God’s love is never distant,
indifferent, cold or less than completely generous. [CCC 1822]
Jesus modelled charity at the Last Supper
The origin of charity is Jesus himself. Perhaps the best explanation is found in the Gospel of John in
the story of the Last Supper.
The background to the story was the intention of Jesus to teach his followers ‘what the Father has
told me’ [John 12:50]. His actions, therefore, were an example of loving God. It was for love of his
Father that he performed the lowly service of washing his disciples’ feet.
In those days, a servant would wash the feet of a dinner guest, and a disciple the feet of a master.
The idea of a master washing the feet of his disciples was quite a shock in the culture of the time. In
John’s Gospel Peter responds:
‘Never!’ said Peter, ‘You shall never wash my feet.’ [John 13:8]
The Gospel writer was also struck by this action of Jesus. Most people under threat of death do not
think about serving others, and so the Gospel writer records:
Jesus, knowing that his hour had come to pass from this world to the Father, having loved
those who were his in the world, loved them to the end. [John 13:1]
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Having shown the humility and the need to consider others before oneself, Jesus then told his
followers that is how they should love one another.
You call me Master and Lord, and rightly; so I am. If I, then, the Lord and Master, have
washed your feet, you must wash each other’s feet.
I have given you an example so that you may copy what I have done to you.
I give you a new commandment: love (caris) one another; you must love one another just as
I have loved you.
It is by your love for one another, that everyone will recognise you as my disciples. [John
13:13-15, 34-35]
Jesus is:
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showing his love for God, his Father, by behaving as his Father wanted
calling his disciples to respond by loving others.
By loving his own ‘to the end’, (Jesus) makes manifest the Father’s love which he receives. By loving
one another, the disciples imitate the love of Jesus which they themselves receive. [CCC 1823]
The most central understandings of Christian charity are of loving God and loving others in ways
which imitate the ways that Jesus loves.
Charity brings freedom to relationships
Most people can see their human relationships with others are hampered by such weaknesses as
selfishness, resentments and jealousy. Christians recognise that such weaknesses go hand in hand
with distance from God.
The more responsive people are to God, the more they experience God strengthening their inner
potential for goodness and love. However, the opposite is also true.
Charity, the special kind of love received from God through Baptism, can free people from such
weaknesses. Baptised people find this to be true to the extent that they:
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relate with God as Jesus taught
keep on trying to love others as Jesus taught.
Charity also frees believers to live the kinds of quality relationships the Commandments are meant
to protect within their families, among their friends and in the wider community. As charity grows,
they are freed from the indifference to God that leads people to break the first three
Commandments and that stops them relating with God for God’s sake.
They are freed also from difficulties that often stop people from loving others. For example, they are
freed from:
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the resentments, arguments and upsets that lead people to treat parents and family members
badly (the Fourth Commandment);
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the anger and hatred that can lead people to assault and even to kill others (the Fifth
Commandment);
the sexual desires that can lead to adultery, pre-marital sex and the various forms of sexual
exploitation in thought and deed (the Sixth and Ninth Commandments);
the material values and jealousies that can lead to theft, embezzlement and to plotting to steal
what belongs to others (the Seventh and Tenth Commandments);
the jealousies, ambitions and feelings of inadequacy that can lead people to damage the
reputations of others through gossip, saying what is untrue or revealing their faults to others
who are not entitled to know (the Eight Commandment).
The Catechism of the Catholic Church highlights the link between charity and freedom to keep the
Commandments. It points to the ability to keep the Commandments as a sign of developing charity.
Charity keeps the commandments of God and his Christ: ‘Abide in my love. If you keep my
commandments, you will abide in my love.’ [CCC 1824]
Charity empowers love for those who are disliked
Perhaps the greatest difference between charity and ordinary human love is to be seen in what
charity makes possible, namely, love of those who are disliked.
The greatest challenge to love that charity can help overcome is the ability to forgive. Without
charity, many may be unable to forgive their parents, members of their families and friends who
may have hurt them. Charity empowers people to seek the forgiveness of others when they know
they have offended or hurt them.
Jesus calls on his followers to love in the ways charity makes possible. In his words as presented in
the Gospels:
But I say this to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; so that you
may be children of your Father in heaven, for he causes his sun to rise on the bad as well as
the good, and sends down rain to fall on the upright and the wicked alike.
But I say this to you who are listening: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
bless those who curse you, pray for those who treat you badly.
To anyone who slaps you on one cheek, present the other cheek as well; to anyone who
takes your cloak from you, do not refuse your tunic.
Give to everyone who asks you, and do not ask for your property back from someone who
takes it. Treat others as you would like people to treat you. [Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:27-30]
Many feel that it is too difficult to love those who have hurt them or their enemies. This may remain
true while their only resource is human love.
For the Christian who responds to Christ, the Holy Spirit strengthens their human love. As a result, it
becomes possible for them to love in the ways Jesus described:
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If you love those who love you, what credit can you expect? Even sinners love those who
love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit can you expect? For
even sinners do that much.
And if you lend to those from whom you hope to get money back, what credit can you
expect? Even sinners lend to sinners to get back the same amount. Instead, love your
enemies and do good to them, and lend without any hope of return. [Luke 6:32-35]
Charity seeks out those in need
Jesus showed a special concern for people in need. He even identified himself with those who are
hungry, thirsty, strangers, lacking clothing, sick or in prison:
‘in so far as you did this (responded to their needs) to one of the least of these brothers of
mine, you did it to me.’
‘in so far as you neglected to do this to one of the least of these, you neglected to do it to
me.’ [Matthew 25:40, 45]
There are many examples of saints and other Christian heroes who have shown concern for those in
need to extraordinary degrees — Blessed Mary Mackillop, St Vincent de Paul, Caroline Chisholm and
Mother Theresa being important examples.
The Church should reflect the concern of Jesus
As well as caring for them himself in his lifetime, Jesus handed on to his Church the special mission
of responding to those in need.
So, in Catholic teaching:
(The Church) claims charitable works as its own mission and right. That is why mercy to the
poor and the sick, and charitable works and works of mutual aid for the alleviation of all
kinds of human needs, are held in special honour in the Church.
Today these activities and works of charity have become much more urgent and worldwide,
now that means of communication are more rapid, distance between (people) has been
more or less conquered, people in every part of the globe have become as members of a
single family. Charitable action today can and should reach all (people) and all needs.
(people) are to be found who are in want of food and drink, of clothing, housing, medicine,
work, education, the means necessary for leading a truly human life, wherever there are
(people) racked by misfortune or illness, (people) suffering exile or imprisonment, Christian
charity should go in search of them and find them out... . (It should) comfort them with
devoted care and give them the helps that will relieve their needs. [Apostolate of Lay People
8]
The Church expresses the special kind of love that is called charity in many ways.
Charity empowers the Christian vision of family
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Modern society includes people of many different beliefs and values. As a result, there are many
different ideas about relationships and families.
Throughout human history, there have been different ideas on these matters. In the time of Christ,
for example, there were many differences across the Roman Empire. Like society today, there were
families of parents and children living together in the same house, single-parent families, de facto
relationships, people with more than one spouse and many other variations.
God reveals the gift of the family
God loves every human being and, as Creator, understands best the needs of each. God knows what
people need, for example, to develop:
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a sense of self-worth
emotional maturity
inner strength
an awareness of personal gifts
personal identity
an awareness of vocation
a sense of personal direction in life.
Among the most basic human needs is stability in relationships. To provide this stability, God created
the family. Since God’s intention for the family was not understood clearly from the earliest times,
God revealed it first to the people of Israel.
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