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Understanding
Interpersonal
Communication
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Interpersonal communication occurs when
people treat one another as unique
individuals, regardless of the context in which
the interaction occurs or the number of
people involved.
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Whom do you find most attractive – a confident
person, a nice person, or a “player”?
The Science of Attraction
[12:33]
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Appearance
Similarity
Complementarity
Reciprocal Attraction
Competence
Disclosure
Proximity
Rewards
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Scientists believe that ALL relationships –
both impersonal and personal – are based on
the social exchange theory.
◦ We seek out people who can give us rewards
(tangible or intangible) that are greater than or
equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with
them
Rewards – Cost = Outcome
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What You Don’t Know About Marriage
[11:18]
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Content messages focus on the subject being
discussed.
Relational messages reveal the
communicator’s feelings and attitudes.
Dimensions of Relational Messages
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Affinity
Respect
Immediacy
Control
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Acquaintances – goal is to reduce uncertainty
and maintain face
Friends – we voluntarily become more
personal
Close friends / Intimates – few people we
share trust with high degree of commitment,
disclosure, and interdependence
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Metacommunication is communication about
communication
◦ Essential ingredient in successful relationships
◦ Tool for handling problems
◦ Reinforces good aspects of a relationship
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 Beginning relationships
 Developing relationships
 Maintaining relationships
 Deteriorating and Dissolving relationships
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Mark Knapp’s Stages of the Relationship
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Initiating – brief interactions to show interest
Experimenting – small talk
Intensifying – expression of feelings (WE)
Integrating – take identity as one social unit
Bonding – make symbolic public gestures
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Differentiating – need to gain privacy
Circumscribing – withdrawal, shrinking of
interest
Stagnating – no growth occurs
Avoiding – physical distance occurs
Terminating – relationship ends
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Autonomy vs. Connection
Openness vs. Closedness (privacy)
Novelty vs. Predictability
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Physical
Intellectual sharing
Emotional
Shared activities
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Women are more likely to share thoughts and
feelings
75% of men surveyed said most meaningful
experiences w/ friends came from activities
other than talking
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Affirming Words are statements compliment
or express love.
Quality Time involves talking or sharing an
activity together.
Acts of Service are favors which could include
running errands, caring for a sick friend,
doing household chores.
Gifts
Physical Touch includes hugging, kissing,
touching, etc.
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Self-disclosure is the process of deliberately revealing
information about oneself that is significant and
that would not normally be known by others.
Disclosure is revealing confidential or secret
information. Disclosure is a larger concept because
it includes confidential information about others as
well as yourself
(Petronio, 2002)
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Intimacy – Because of Dialectical tensions,
people more back and forth between greater
disclosure and privacy. Disclosure can
increase and decrease intimacy.
Reciprocity – how long do you wait before you
reciprocate disclosure
Trust – How does your partner treat
information you shared
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Self-disclose information you want others to
disclose to you
Continue self-disclosure when reciprocated
Gradually move to deeper levels of selfdisclosure
Observe the risk involved in self-disclosing
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Formal Cultures Engage in Less SelfDisclosure
Germany More Formal than America
Misperceptions in Early Stages of
Cross-Cultural Relationships
Across Cultures - More Intimacy, More
Self-Disclosure
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In General, Men Tend to Disclose Less
Than Women, but This Varies by
Individual and Cultural Tradition
Men in our society are more likely to
view conversation as report-talk
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Women in our society are more likely to
view conversation as rapport-talk
Tannen, 1990
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