Download Stinnet: Six Characteristics - Oldham Woods Church of Christ

Traits of a Successful Family
A.“Good Families are good for
the same reasons.”
B.Helpful to compare ourselves
C.Social Scientist - Stinnet D.Family studies are important
1. Look at five spiritual criteria
2. Stinnet’s findings/Bible
Five Spiritual Criteria
I. Does it Endure? MT 19:6
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead -- Atlanta Monthly:
“Divorce may benefit the adults involved, but the
dissolution of intact two-parent families is harmful to
large numbers of children. If current trends continue
less than half of all children born today will live
continuously with their own father or mother
throughout childhood. Children from disrupted
families have a harder time achieving intimacy in a
relationship, forming a stable marriage, or even
holding a steady job. Contrary to popular belief,
many children do not bounce back after divorce and
remarriage. Difficulties associated with the family
breakup often persist 20, 30, even 40 years into their
adulthood.”
Five Spiritual Criteria
• Does it Nurture? I Cor 8: 1
• Does it produce Good Children? Gen
18:19, I Tim 3
• Does it Contribute to the Community?
Gal 6:10, Acts 20:35
• Does it Glorify God? Rm 15: 6
If a family has these good
EFFECTS, then it pleases God.
• What are the CAUSES?
What makes for a strong family?
Stinnet: Six Characteristics
I. COMMITMENT between husband and
wife - Loyalty.
A. Do you expect life time commitment?
B. What is there that shows their attitude
toward prior commitments?
1. Have they kept commitment to
Christ?
2. The basis of great confidence in
marriage has to do with the character
of the person you marry.
Stinnet: Six Characteristics
II. SHOW APPRECIATION Prov 31:26
A. Show Respect and love
1. Ratio of pleasing/unpleasing acts
2. Criticism kept to a minimum
B. They say it and act it! Eccl 9:9
1. “This is my wife…”
2. They feel a sense of ownership...
*C. Respect privacy - Key indicator
Stinnet: Six Characteristics
III. GOOD COMMUNICATION PATTERNS
Males and Females often misunderstand
each other due to “meta-communication.”
Example: What she heard versus What he
said.
What she heard: You don’t expect me to
take care of the kids, clean the house, and
make dinner, do you?
What he said… Feeling any better honey?
Communicate to avoid the wrong
expectations . . .
Stinnet: Characteristics of
Successful Families
III. GOOD COMMUNICATION
PATTERNS
A. Compliment each other
(Demonstrative..)
B. Negatives are minimized.
(Avoid sarcastic put downs)
C. Able to accept compliments graciously
D. They continue talking….like dating..
Stinnet: Six Characteristics
E. Four levels of Communication:
1. Cliché
2. Reporting
3. Ideas & Judgements
*4 Feelings
F. Parent child communication is two sided.
Heb 5:14, Deut 6:7
Stinnet: Six Characteristics
IV. SPEND TIME TOGETHER
A. Kids spell love--TIME!
1. Quality & Quantity
2. Psy. “Journey of Happiness”
B. Big mistake--neglect!
Plan/schedule time/close-knit feeling!
C. Choose family over career
Stinnet: Six Characteristics
V. STRONG VALUE SYSTEM
A. Opted for traditional values-clearly
defined roles.
1. Communicated and shared.
2. Divergent values difficult
3. Conflict over children?
Traits of Winning Families
B. Strong families are aware they function as
role models.
Gen 5:22 “And Enoch walked with God after he begat
Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and
daughters . . and Enoch walked with God and he was not,
for God took him.”
1. May indicate becoming a parent caused him to
begin his walk with God.
2. Research indicates becoming a parent results in a
17% shift to the right.
C. We need God-centered families!
Stinnet: Six Characteristics
VI. ABILITY TO DEAL POSITIVELY WITH
CRISIS.
A. Support/loyal to each other/trouble
B. Study--10 yrs. later--all had a tragedy
of some sort.
C. Strong families rely on the resources
of each member to heal and build
together.
Conclusion
Studied the Good Effects (Results). We
want a family that . . .
endures . . .
nurtures . . .
produces good offspring . .
contributes to the community . . .
and glorifies God!
Looked at the Six Causes - what
produces these positive results:
Commitment, appreciation, good
communication, time, a strong value
system, and an ability to hand together
in a crisis.
C. What are we going to do?
IF IT IS TO BE IT IS UP TO ME. . .