Download Sternberg`s Triangular Theory of Love

Chapter 15
Sex and Love
Quote for the day
How on earth are you ever going to
explain in terms of chemistry and
physics so important a biological
phenomenon as love?
- Albert Einstein
What is love?
Attraction, romance, passion,
intimacy, commitment
Types of Love
• There are all types of love
• There is no clear and consistent consensus on what
love is or the relationship among loving thoughts,
emotions, and behavior.
• Romantic love is probably as old as humankind.
• Two phases of love have been identified:
– Passionate love
– Companionate love
Passionate Love Scale
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Theories of Love
• Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love
– In order for individuals to realize their full
potential as human beings, Maslow believed it
was necessary not only to love, but also to be
loved in return.
– B-Love: Being in Love
– D-Love: Deficiency Love
Theories of Love
• Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love
• Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
– Love is composed of three ingredients
• Passion
• Intimacy
• Commitment
Sternberg’s triangle
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Different Combinations of the
Three Elements
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Theories of Love
• Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love
• Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
• Lee’s Styles of Loving
1. Eros
2. Ludus
3. Storge
4. Pragma
5. Mania
6. Agape
Theories of Love
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Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Lee’s Styles of Loving
Rubin’s Scale
– 13-item love scale
– Liking versus loving
– Loving relationships: attachment, caring,
intimacy
Theories of Love
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Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Lee’s Styles of Loving
Rubin’s Scale
Tennov’s Theory of Limerence
• Intrusive thoughts about the object of passionate desire.
• An acute longing for the feeling to be reciprocated.
• Dependence of your mood on your perception of your loved
one’s actions.
• Fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in the loved one’s
presence.
Theories of Love
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Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Lee’s Styles of Loving
Rubin’s Scale
Tennov’s Theory of Limerence
Other Theories on Love
Chemistry of Love
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Attraction: Looking for Love
• Physical Appearance
– “Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am
I beautiful because you love me?
– Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but
the beholder’s vision is not always 20/20
– Both men and women rate personal qualities as
more important than physical traits in longterm, meaningful relationships.
The Top Ten Traits Most Effective in
Attracting Opposite Sex Partners
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Attraction: Looking for Love
• The Beauty Evolution
– Certain physical characteristics are almost
universally found to be sexually attractive
• Both attracted to clean people with good
complexions
• Men prefer plump, wide-hipped women to slim ones
– Evolutionary theorists suggest that those traits
that are universally found attractive are ones
that indicate good reproductive health.
Gender and Sex Appeal
• Looking young
– Both men and women are regarded as more attractive if
they are young, but the importance of looking young
appears to be greater for women than men.
– The attraction to young-looking women is plausibly
based on biological factors, given how widespread it is.
– There may be evidence that attractiveness in humans is
an indicator of health.
Gender and Sex Appeal
• Looking young
• The importance of symmetry
– People whose facial and bodily features are
symmetrical are generally seen as more attractive.
– Evolutionary theory gives one explanation for these
preferences
Gender and Sex Appeal
• Looking young
• The importance of symmetry
• What makes a pretty face?
– The “average” face
– Attractive men: thick eyebrows, small eyes, thin lips,
square jaw
– Attractive women: large eyes, small nose, full hips,
prominent cheekbones, large chin, good grooming
Gender and Sex Appeal
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Looking young
The importance of symmetry
What makes a pretty face?
Tall, light, and handsome?
– Dark skin and hair are attractive in a man, whereas fair
skin and light-colored hair are attractive in women
Gender and Sex Appeal
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Looking young
The importance of symmetry
What makes a pretty face?
Tall, light, and handsome?
Thinness
– Men are generally attracted to the “hour-glass” figure
– At the height of her celebrity, Marilyn Monroe was a
voluptuous size 12
– Gender gap in physical preferences
– Many women develop eating disorders to be thin
Gender and Sex Appeal
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Looking young
The importance of symmetry
What makes a pretty face?
Tall, light, and handsome?
Thinness
Slim waist or fat wallet?
– Evolutionary theory - social dominance
– Women prefer taller men
Tactics of Attraction for Males and Females
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Gender and Sex Appeal
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Looking young
The importance of symmetry
What makes a pretty face?
Tall, light, and handsome?
Thinness
Slim waist or fat wallet?
The apparel appeal
– Clothes contribute to sex appeal
Gender and Sex Appeal
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Looking young
The importance of symmetry
What makes a pretty face?
Tall, light, and handsome?
Thinness
Slim waist or fat wallet?
The apparel appeal
The marriage gradient
– The “trophy mate” pattern
– Women marry up; men marry down
Gender and Sex Appeal
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Looking young
The importance of symmetry
What makes a pretty face?
Tall, light, and handsome?
Thinness
Slim waist or fat wallet?
The apparel appeal
The marriage gradient
The effect of sexual orientation on sexual
attraction
Romance: Falling in Love
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Proximity
Familiarity
Readiness
Similarity
Reciprocity
Romance: Falling in Love
• Proximity
– Friendship and love can grow out of frequent
interactions
– Looking into someone’s eyes may be a
particularly potent way to increase attraction
Romance: Falling in Love
• Proximity
• Familiarity
– Having close knowledge and shared
experiences with another person
– Familiarity may explain gradual decline in
sexual passion in long-term relationship
– Familiarity can help account for differences
between heterosexual and homosexual
relationships
Initial Attraction
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Romance: Falling in Love
• Proximity
• Familiarity
• Readiness
– Timing also plays an important role in the
development of love relationships.
Romance: Falling in Love
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Proximity
Familiarity
Readiness
Similarity
– This is a key to long-term love
– Similarity in attitudes, values, personalities,
physical attractiveness
Romance: Falling in Love
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Proximity
Familiarity
Readiness
Similarity
Reciprocity
– Most people like people who like them
Sex: Making Love
• Love and Lust
– There is some evidence that sex is emotionally
and physically better with the person you love.
– Casual sex is far more appealing to men than to
women
– It is probably true that love makes for better
sex.
The Relationship of Sex and Love
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Sex: Making Love
• Love and Lust
– Age and experience may impact our romantic
love beliefs
– Research findings suggest men fall in love
more quickly than women
– Men suffer more than women from the breakup
of a relationship
The Importance of Love
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Important Traits in Selecting a Mate
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Attachment: Staying In Love
• Attachment Styles
– Has its roots in infancy
– Ainsworth: secure, anxious/ambivalents,
avoidants
– Hatfield & Rapson: secure, clingy, skittish,
fickle, casual, uninterested
Attachment Styles
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Attachment: Staying In Love
• Attachment Styles
• Time and Passion
– Successful relationships must eventually
negotiate the shift from passionate love to
companionate love
• Passion tends to rise sharply early in the relationship
• Intimacy rises more slowly
The Intimacy Love Scale
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Attachment: Staying In Love
• Attachment Styles
• Time and Passion
• Commitment Styles
– Benefits of being in a committed relationship.
A Commitment Love Scale
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Intimacy, Love, and Sexual
Communication
• Opening Lines
– First message: “Notice me” and second is “I am
harmless”
– Universal pattern of female flirting
– Types of opening lines or “grooming talk”
– Men tend to be more active in the beginning
stages of developing a relationship and tend to
be more interested than women in the goal of
sexual intimacy.
Intimacy, Love, and Sexual
Communication
• Opening Lines
• Talking About Sex
– Sexual behavior is a form of communication
– Discussing the sexual relationship can be
difficult.
– Those who communicate well in the bedroom
are more likely to be happy with their
relationship and engage in sex more frequently.
Intimacy, Love, and Sexual
Communication
• Opening Lines
• Talking About Sex
• Talking About Love
– Deborah Tannen: Gender differences in
communication
– John Gottman: Constructive versus destructive
communication
– Good communication involves listening as well
as talking
Constructive Communication Tactics
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Destructive Communication Tactics
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Intimacy, Love, and Sexual
Communication
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Opening Lines
Talking About Sex
Talking About Love
Communicating Without Words
– Good communication does not have to be
verbal
– Problem of misinterpretation
– Importance of touch
– Importance of eye contact