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Mastering Nonverbal Communication
in Teaching Relationships
Observation Skills • Attending Skills • Cultural Context
Presenter: Diane Menke Pence, MSEd, Graduate Intern
EIU Department of Counseling & Student Development
Content: Michele Melvin, EdS, LCPC
Faculty, EIU Dept. of Counseling & Student Development
Sr. Partner, Hunter & Melvin Professional Counseling
and
Diane Menke Pence, MSEd, Graduate Intern
EIU Dept. of Counseling & Student Development
Presentation Goal
To educate student teachers about
the uses of observation and attending skills
as they apply to nonverbal communication
in order to maximize effective communication
with students, parents, and colleagues,
and to become sensitive to
cultural differences along these lines.
OBSERVATION
SKILLS
OBSERVATION SKILLS...
…Noticing
what
goes on, both
nonverbally and
verbally, between
you and the student,
parent, or colleague
you are talking to.
OBSERVATION SKILLS ARE
IMPORTANT, BECAUSE…
Up to 85%
of communication
is nonverbal!
What you NOTICE can greatly help you
understand the other person and navigate
discussion accordingly.
OBSERVATION SKILLS ARE
IMPORTANT, BECAUSE…

Verbals can be contrasted by nonverbals
(incongruency) which reveal the other
person’s true feelings…
…or supported by nonverbals (congruency)
which accentuate the person’s feelings

Observation can help you bridge individual,
cultural, and/or gender differences
Observation can…
...help you notice and question nonverbal
subtleties and changes especially in
response to you (your behavior, inquiry,
or confrontation)
…help you consider
what the other person
may be feeling
What To Observe
In The Other Person’s
Nonverbal Communication
Notice Body Language
•
relaxed or tense body and how it changes
with discussion
•
open or closed posture and how
it changes with discussion
•
body language that is incongruent with
words
•
intensity of movement as an indicator of
mood, personality, or outlook on an issue
How to Use Body Language Effectively
USE:
• Mirroring
•
•
assume posture and movements of other person
Pacing:
•
start with mirroring, then move to more positive
posture/movement
OBSERVE:
When movement is synchronous
• mirroring one another’s movements
• When movement is complementary:
• harmonious movements
• When movement is dissynchronous
• differing movements that might show conflict
•
Notice Facial Expression
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
incongruent smiling
look of confusion or being lost
expressionless or flat affect
affect demonstrating various moods or emotions
blood flow changes (e.g. blushing or growing pale)
avoiding eye contact, inconsistent eye contact, or
intense staring
grimacing, frowning
eyes welling up
tightening of lips
agreement, understanding, connection, excitement
Notice Eye Movements

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
suggests that there is a link between
the way our eyes move and the way we think

In NLP, eye movements are known as eye accessing
cues—they enable us to access certain information

Noticing eye movements can help us to understand
how a person relates to the world—i.e. visually,
auditorily, or kinesthetically—and communicate with
them according to THEIR representational systems
Eye Accessing Cues

Looking up, or defocusing, usually
represents visual accessing

Looking sideways usually represents
auditory accessing

Looking down to the right (your left as
you face the person) usually
represents kinesthetic accessing

Looking down to the left (your right as
you face the person) usually represents
an internal dialogue
Applying accessing cues

For those visually accessing,
respond in terms of SEEING



For those auditorily accessing,
respond in terms of HEARING



“This is how you see it…”
“I see what you mean”
“It sounds like you aren’t happy with that
grade”
“I hear what you’re saying”
For those kinesthetically
accessing, respond in terms of
FEELING


“That must feel awful”
“I feel happy for you”
WARNINGS!
1. Don’t behave nonverbally in any way
that is incongruent for you.



you will feel awkward
you will be transparent to the other person
you will likely make you both feel
uncomfortable
2. You must interpret the other person
within his/her context not your context.
(e.g. race, ethnicity, gender, generation, personality,
values, etc.)
SOME
CULTURAL
DIFFERENCES
Eye Contact and Gaze
Western cultures:


Direct eye contact seen as positive
Differs for some races
–
African American—more eye contact when talking, less when
listening
– Anglo Americans—often the opposite

Prolonged eye contact may be seen as sexual interest
Arabic cultures:

Prolonged eye contact is common
–
–
Shows interest
Helps them understand truthfulness
Japan, African, Latin American, & Caribbean cultures:

Avoid eye contact to show respect
Facial Expressions
Many Asian cultures:
Suppress facial expression
as much as possible
Many Mediterranean cultures
Exaggerate grief or sadness
Most American men
Hide grief and sorrow
Touch
Western Cultures
–
–
–
Handshake is common
Hugs, kisses for those of opposite gender, family
Some differences between African American & Anglo Americans
Islamic/Hindu cultures
Typically don’t touch with left hand
Generally don’t touch between genders; with same sexes is
appropriate
– Common to see two men or two women holding hands
(friendship)
–
–
Many Asian cultures
–
Don’t touch the head because it houses the soul
Latino, Middle-Eastern, & Jewish cultures
–
–
Touch is okay—emotion encouraged
Opposite-sex handshakes acceptable; usually same-sex
English, German, Scandinavian, Chinese & Japanese cultures
–
Do not subscribe to overt displays of affection
Posture

Bowing
–
–

Slouching
–

Disrespectful in Turkey
Sitting with legs crossed
–

Rude in most Northern European areas
Hands in pocket
–

Not done, criticized, or affected in US
Shows rank in Japan
Offensive in Ghana, Turkey
Showing the soles of feet
–
Distasteful in Thailand, Saudi Arabia
Gestures

Some cultures are animated, others
restrained

Amount of gesturing varies from one
culture to another

A gesture acceptable in your culture may
be offensive in another
–
e.g. Pointing
 US, Asia with index finger
 Germany with little finger
 Japan with entire hand
General Appearance and Dress
Differing cultural standards
–
What is attractive
– What constitutes modesty
– What is required by one’s religion
ATTENDING
SKILLS
ATTENDING SKILLS ARE…
… the way you convey to a
student, parent, or
colleague that you are
engaged in communication
with him/her.
WHY USE ATTENDING SKILLS IN
MY TEACHING RELATIONSHIPS?
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
demonstrate respect
build rapport
encourage talk, openness
foster cooperation lends well
to problem-solving
lessen intensity of confrontation, conflict
allow you to fall back when you are“lost”
model positive communication
Partner Activity: Role Play
1)
2)
Choose a partner
Play these roles:
–
–
Person 1: talk about something fun you did recently
Person 2: use the poor attending skills
– Don’t look at the person
– Respond minimally or not at all
– Position your body so that you are not facing
them directly, etc.
What was difficult about this…
…for the listener?
…for the speaker?
5 GENERAL ATTENDING SKILLS
1. VISUAL / EYE CONTACT
DO:
•
•
•
•
look at talking people in the eye
convey interest with your eyes
show empathy with your eyes
hold eye contact sensitively
DON’T:
• stare off or avoid eye contact
• shift your gaze continuously
• stare TOO intensely
• break eye contact abruptly
2. VOCAL QUALITIES
DO convey genuine interest with your…
• speech tone
• rate
• volume
• pauses
DON’T:
• sound bored, hurried, sleepy, overexcited
• forget to allow for silence
• allow for too much silence
• talk too loudly or softly (not matching
volume)
3. VERBAL TRACKING & SELECTIVE ATTENTION
DO:
follow the person’s story as it is told to you
• follow the person’s story through his/her
particular story-telling pattern
• show more interest nonverbally in productive aspects
of a person’s story
• show less interest nonverbally in story telling, negative
behaviors, or reports of negative behavior
•
DON’T:
•
•
change the subject to meet your personal agenda
lose track of his/her story because you are distracted
or dominating
4. BODY LANGUAGE
DO:
•
•
•
•
face the other person with your whole body
clear the space between you
lean in slightly
use facial expressions and gestures appropriate
to the discussion content
DON’T:
•
•
•
•
sit back or turned away
be physically blocked
have a blank or inappropriate expression
over or undergesture
5. NONVERBAL ENCOURAGERS
Encourage communication without saying a word by
using…
•
nodding
•
welcoming hand gestures
•
smiling and other positive facial expressions
•
empathic expression
•
open posture
•
leaning in at interesting points
WARNING…again!
Apply attending skills
within the context
of the student, parent, or colleague’s
race, ethnicity, gender, generation,
personality, values, etc.
Partner Activity: 2nd Role Play
1)
2)
Get together with your same partner
Switch roles:
–
–
Person 2: talk about something fun you did recently
Person 1: use good attending skills
– Good eye contact
– Good vocal qualities
– Verbal tracking
– Good body language
– Nonverbal encouragers
What was different this time…
…for the listener?
…for the speaker?
Summary:
Nonverbal Communication
in Teaching Relationships
Use OBSERVATION and ATTENDING skills
to maximize effective communication
with students, parents, and colleagues
AND
Be aware of CULTURAL CONTEXT
to help you be sensitive
to cultural differences
in nonverbal communication