Download EDS leadership_052005 Day 2 AM

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Day 2 AM Objectives
• Purposeful communication
– Who are you talking to you and why?
(internal, external, client, team, awareness
of levels/hierarchy)
– Building a common terminology/vocabulary
• Conflict management at the CxO level –
– Leader to leader
– Getting the behaviors that you want
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Attaining the
Next Level in
Leadership
Communication
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Purposeful Communication
• Who are you talking to and why?
• Why are we here?
• Law of agendas
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Skill 1 - Active Listening
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Avoid Interference
Distractions
Closed mind
Interrupting
Jumping to conclusions
Prejudice
Thinking Speed
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Choose
Noise
Know
Words
Distractions
Words
Ideas
Ideas
Feelings
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Listen Actively
Posture
Open-ended questions & “I”
statements
Pause
Integrate
Paraphrase and Reflect
Summarize
NonVerbal
Actions
Speak
Hear
Poor
Connections
NonVerbal
Actions
Feelings
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Skill 2 - Clear Communication
• The 5 questions, from Simplicity
– What exactly do you want me to do?
– Why is it important?
– What’s in it for me? For us?
– What tools and support are available?
– How will I be measured?
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The Contingency Model
• A Theory of Leadership Effectiveness, F.
E. Fiedler, McGraw-Hill, 1967
• Addresses
– Leaders’ general behavioral tendencies
– Situations where certain leaders (or
behavioral dispositions) may be more
effective than others
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Overview
• Assumes that group performance depends on
– Leadership style, described in terms of task motivation
and relationship motivation
– Situational favorableness, determined by three factors:
1 Leader-member relations
2 Task structure
3 Position power
– High levels of these three factors give the most
favorable situation
• Relationship- and task-motivated leaders’
effectiveness will vary according to the situation
• Suggests leaders change their situation vs. style
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Leader Member Relations
Least-Preferred Coworker Scale
Pleasant - - - - - - - - - Unpleasant
8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Friendly - - - - - - - - - Unfriendly
8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Accepting - - - - - - - - - Rejecting
8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Interesting - - - - - - - - - Boring
8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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LPC Results
• Low LPC Leaders
– Primarily motivated by task
accomplishment
• High LPC Leaders
– Primarily motivated by personal
relationships
• Leaders move to secondary level of
motivation only after satisfying primary
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Situation Favorability
Situation Favorability
Leader-Member
Relations
Task
Structure
Position
Power
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Performance Correlations
LeaderMember
Relations
Task
Structure
Position
Power
High
Low
High
Low
Strong Weak Strong Weak Strong Weak Strong Weak
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2
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Low LPC
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High LPC
Middle LPC
Predicted Effective Leadership Style
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Low
LPC
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Contingency Theory
and the Interactional Framework
Leader
Motivation hierarchy
(LPC score)
Desired Outcomes:
• Effective group
performance
Leadermember
relations
Task structure
Position Power
Followers
Situation
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Those who control the program and set the deadlines are
in the best position to influence the path taken to achieve
their goals.
#1-- The Law of Agendas
When you get in the car, make sure you’re sitting behind
the wheel.
People who control the program and timelines are in the best
position to influence the path taken to achieve the desired
results. Master influencers know that if you control the
agenda, you have more say over the outcome.
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Agendas
Action Plan (detailed steps to be taken) to
achieve goals. Sharing your agenda with others
can be a powerful way to influence the
achievement of your goals. This is often a key
factor in establishing unity and trust. This tends
to help decrease the timeline of the influencing
process.
Read Operation Overlord
The result: D-Day Invasion of Normandy
How can you use this influencing strategy to positively
influence how meetings are run?
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Introduction to Language
The Impact of Language
“Throughout your life you will be
judged on your command of
language, it is imperative to
understand that the better you
communicate, the more successful
you will become.”
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Introduction to Language
Language Pattern
“Powerful communicators and leaders
understand that language usage is
vital for peak performance. Effective
language usage and grammar are the
master keys to persuasion, influence,
clarity, and control of your world.”
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Introduction to Language
Influencing Strategies
“Your command of the English language and
your skill at conveying messages sends a
message to those around you. When you
communicate clearly, effectively, and
confidently others look to you for guidance.
When you don’t, people discount your
ideas and suggestions.”
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Effects of Ambiguities on the
Influencing Process
Ambiguities –
• In Composition
• In Context
• In Content
Components of Communication
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The pie chart below is based on research completed by
Mehrabian and Ferris [1].
Albert Mehrabian's studies on communication state that
listeners give the most weight to the speaker’s facial
expressions and body language—posture, gestures, eye
contact and facial expressions.
Tonality
Words
Body
Language
The chart shows that next most important
aspect in the communication loop is the
vocal quality of the message (voice pitch
and the speed (pace or tempo) of the
delivery).
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Body Language
and Rapport
RAPPORT = TRUST
Body Language and Rapport
We trust people who are like ourselves.
We emulate people we respect and trust.
We act in a similar manner to people we like to do business with and expect certain
behavior patterns to be adhered to in business situations. Body language and rapport
are predominant factors in decision making in most business situations.
"Studies show that the first person to be hired in a company is the one most like the
boss and the first one that will be terminated is the one least like the boss."
—Harvard Business Journal
Building trust and rapport is of paramount importance during the communication loop.
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Trust Building Techniques
Mirroring, Matching & Cross-over Pacing
 Body language may not mean the same thing to
everyone. Pay close attention to the message you are
sending.
 Be aware that you may incorrectly interpret other
people's body language
 You may incorrectly receive the messages they wish to
send because of your history in reading another person's
body language signals.
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RAPPORT
Pick up rapport signals quickly so that
you have time to change tactics before
they lose interest.
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Mirroring and Matching
 Rapport is based on mirroring and matching a
person's behavior, both verbally and non-verbally.
In order to gain the strongest rapport possible,
one should act like the other person, speak like
they do, breathe simultaneously and use similar
movements or gestures.
 The goal of mirroring and matching is to make it a
habit during situations and to become consciously
aware when something changes or when you
create disharmony.
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Mirroring
Doing what the other person
is doing so that it appears as
though they are looking in a
mirror.
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Matching
Doing what the other person is
doing but with the opposite side of
your body (if they move their right
hand, you move your right hand).
Mirror and Match using Vocal
Qualities
What are some of the methods employed to build trust and rapport
with tonality? Pitch? Jargon? Tempo? Pay close attention to the
message you are sending. Could you seem patronizing if you slip into
a colloquial accent when others know you have never lived there. In
research, the most common – Southern accent is very easy to
emulate.
Be aware that you may incorrectly interpret other people's vocal
quality signals. Have you ever been annoyed by someone’s vocal
qualities? Which ones are most annoying? Why?
You may incorrectly receive the messages they wish to send
because of your history in reading another person's vocal qualities.
Did your worst enemy in high school have a British accent? Does a
high pitched voice remind you of an annoying person? Why should
you question your read?
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Cross Over Pacing
Using a different channel altogether than
the one they are using. Crossover pacing
is more covert and harder to detect than
mirroring and matching.
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50/50 Rule for Rapport
To attain physiological
rapport quickly, 50% of your
body should be in harmonymirroring and matching or
crossover pacing the other
person 50% of the time.
FAQ -- Won't the other person realize what you are
doing and think that you are doing something
funny?"
FAQ -- Often, you are in a room with more than one
person. How would you use these techniques to
gain rapport?
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Pacing
 The art of gaining rapport.
 Establishing the bridge through rapport and
respect into another person’s model of the
world.
 The word we use to combine the technique of
mirroring, matching and crossover pacing.
 Talking about or doing something that is the
same as the other person/people is/are doing
OR relating something that is verifiably true in
a person's ongoing sensory experience.
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Leading
 Doing something different from the other
person in the communication loop.
 Talking about or relating to something that the
other person does not believe to be true
and/or has not had experience with in their
world.
Note: The goal of leading is to change your
behavior so that the other person in the
communication loop follows.
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Pacing and Leading
By combining pacing and leading,
you will effectively control the level
of rapport during the meeting. By
controlling the level of rapport, you
effectively control the tension level.
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Rapport Builds Bridges
If rapport allows you to build a bridge
into another person’s model of the world,
at some point during the communication
loop you will cross over into their world
and over to the other person’s point of
understanding. You have established
contact with their world. With rapport established, you can
start to change your behavior so
they will follow you into your
world. The bridge goes both ways.
You can lead them in another
direction by entering your world
and bringing them across the
bridge you have built when trust
and rapport are high.
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Testing for Rapport Through
Leading
Pace (mirror/match/cross-over pace) until
you instinctively feel that you can start to
lead (do something different with your body
language); if your subject of influence
follows your movements, you have
attained rapport with that prospect.
Remember: You can never lead someone over
a bridge without first building the bridge.
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Mismatching Rapport to Close the Deal
The tension level during the interview is extremely important.
Gaining rapport by using pacing will create an especially high
level of rapport. Sometimes you will find that you gain so much
rapport that the time you have allowed for your meeting
passes without accomplishing much business. Always
remember that too much rapport with a client can be just as
bad as too little rapport. Control the tension level during every
stage of your meeting.
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Non-Verbal Rapport
Non-verbal rapport is the unconscious
agreement between people.
Conscious mind—- everything you are aware
of at the present moment.
Unconscious mind—everything that you are
not aware of at the present moment.
NOTE: Most things that you are unconscious of
happen automatically (habits, body responses
and pre-taught responses that are done without
thinking).
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Verbal
Language Skills
The Language of Influence &
Communication
Where (and how) did we
learn to communicate?
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Power Words and Phrases
Absolutely or absolutely
false
Be a fool to pass up
Beyond my control
Bargain
Buy
Cannot
Can't do it
Cheap/cheapest
Costly
Cut rate—cut to the bone
Don't ask
Don't know
Expensive
Get back to me
Have to
Impossible
Inadvertently
It's our policy
Never again
No choice
Not my fault
Only once
Think it over
Sacrifice
Spend
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Absolutes
Absolutes are defined as statements of fact that are true
for every situation and cannot be refuted.
It is always your next move.
NAPOLEON HILL
Knowing that you have complete control of your
thinking you will recognize the power…
MIKHAIL STRABO
Generalities
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Generalities are broad-based statements that promote:
* Ways of thinking
* Practices
* Processes and/or beliefs
Generalities are statements that are acceptable or
applicable in most situations. Note: Speaking in generalities
can create confusion.
We tend to get what we expect.
NORMAN VINCENT PEALE
Few people have any plan, they live from hand to mouth,
and are always at the end of their line.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Absolutes and Generalities
Absolutes
Generalities
Statements (or words) that
cannot be refuted and are
statements of fact that are
true for every situation.
Generalities are broadbased statements that
promote ways of thinking.
Every
All
Always
Just about
Probably
Sometimes
Exercise – In small groups, come up
with as many pairs of absolutes and
generalities as you can in 10 minutes.
Can you break the code?
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Parts of Speech in English





Summary of Characteristics
Subject, Verb, Object
Ineffective “I”
Hedges
Stop Playing Tag!
Summary of Characteristics
Nouns
The name of a person, place, thing, relationship, etc.
Pronoun
A word used in place of a noun
Verb or
Predicate
A word indicating action, state, or being -s, -ing, -ed
Adjective
A word qualifying, making more exact, the meaning of a
noun -able, -ible, -al, -ant, -ary, -ic, -sh, -ous
Adverb
A word modifying a verb, adjective, or another
adverb -ly, -wise
Preposition
A word relating a noun to another word; joining a phrase
to a word or sentence
Conjunction A word joining two words, phrases, clauses, or sentences
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Subject, Verb, Object
Remember—Powerful communication
retains the strongest language pattern
“A man is not free who is not master of himself.”—
EPICTETUS
“What is freedom? Freedom is the right to choose.
The right to create for one alternatives of choice.”
ARCHIBALD MacLEISH
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Ineffective “I”
Ineffective “I” sentences are based on your
personal perception. Your perception can
be easily dismissed as just your opinion.
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
I think...
I feel...
I have a problem with...
I like...
I noticed...
I believe...
I don't have...
I heard...
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Action or Emotional Involvement
All these sentences convey the emotion rather
than action!
Emotional "you” and “ I"
 Like (or do not like)
I really like the way you...
 Want (or don't want)
I want to make sure...
 Feel
How they feel about...?
What are your feelings about...?
 Need
I need to convey...
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Hedges
Hedges make you look indecisive. They give the
perception that you doubt your ability to think
autonomously.
Hedges
make
you
appear
submissive.
Simple hedges
Self-Deprecating hedges









You shouldn't...
I'm not sure...
Well...
I’m not sure I know all the answers
but…
Sort of...
I’m really not happy with the way
I’d like to see…
things turned out but…
In my opinion...
I guess I’m trying to say…
The way I see it...
I guess I mean…
I know that it…
It may sound silly but I think… I’m pretty sure…
I guess...
I'd like to add...
I'm not an expert, but…
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Stop Playing Tag!
 Tag = Question at the end of the
sentence or statement
..., isn't it?
..., don't you think?
..., right?
..., okay?
..., don't they?
..., see what I'm saying?
..., you know what I mean?
 Exception: useful as a power play.
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Verbal Challenge
But
However
25¢
25¢
25¢ ...
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The Power of Silent
Communication
People need time to process
information in order to formulate
new beliefs.
During the influencing process,
allow them enough time to do this!