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NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION
76
Watch out for the man whose stomach doesn’t move when he laughs.
—Chinese proverb
Learning Objectives
Chapter Outline
A
F
fter completing this chapter, you
will be able to do the following.
• Distinguish between verbal and nonverbal
communication.
• Use body language to reinforce your verbal
message.
• Recognize when someone is not telling the
truth.
• Explain how the same gesture can have
different meanings in different cultures.
ollowing are the main sections in
this chapter.
1
Body Basics
2
Interpreting Nonverbal Messages
3
Multicultural Messages
Speech Vocabulary
Academic Vocabulary
I
E
n this chapter, you will learn the meanings of the speech terms listed below.
nonverbal message
body language
eye contact
tone of voice
gesture
personal space
intimate distance
personal distance
social distance
public distance
xpanding your academic vocabulary will
help you become a more effective communicator. Listed below are some words appearing
in this chapter that you should make part of your
vocabulary.
sympathetic
diverse
distal
proximal
timbre
suppress
anthropologist
comparative
intimacy
stoic
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
77
We speak only with our mouths, but we communicate with our whole bodies. In
fact, experts say that more than half of all communication is nonverbal. To truly understand other people, then, you must learn how to read their body language as well as
interpret their words. You must learn what their facial expressions, hand gestures, and
other signals mean. Even people’s body temperature can be significant, as it reveals
itself in the color of their faces or the moisture on their palms.
In this chapter, you will learn how to interpret body language, how body language
varies from culture to culture, and how to use body language to make your own communication more effective and convincing.
Introduction
You can communicate even
when you don’t say a word. In
1990 a photographer for National
Geographic magazine lined up
the members of the U.S. Supreme
Court for their official photograph. Justice Sandra Day
O’Connor found herself standing directly behind Justice Byron
White. According to news
reports, O’Connor quietly
formed a V with her fingers and
held them just above White’s
head, making the old “rabbit
ears” sign.
O’Connor was sending a nonverbal message to everyone who
saw the photograph—a message
that said, “We don’t take ourselves quite as seriously as it
looks.” Nonverbal messages play Nonverbal messages often say as much or more than spoken words.
an enormous and often unappreciated role in all of our communication.
Albert Mehrabian, a professor of psychology at
“You see,” says the detective Sherlock Holmes to
UCLA, claims that talking is the least important way
his somewhat dim-witted assistant Dr. Watson, “but
we communicate. What counts most, he says, are
you do not observe.” What Holmes means is that the
our nonverbal messages. These messages include the
best way to understand people is to watch them—to
way we sit or stand, how we tilt our heads, our facial
notice what they do as well as what they say.
expressions, our gestures, and our tone of voice.
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UNIT 2 Person to Person
1
Body Basics
U
nderstanding nonverbal communication is
vital in many ways. It helps us understand,
for example, how others react to us and to
our ideas. If someone you are speaking to crosses his
arms or legs, you may suspect that he feels threatened by what you are saying or disagrees with you. If
your listener opens his hands toward you, you may
expect agreement or at least a sympathetic ear.
People from different cultures may attach different meanings to the same gestures. For example,
consider the “hook ’em, horns” sign, made famous
by fans of the University of Texas football team. To
make the sign, hold up your index and pinky fingers. In Texas this signifies support for the team,
but beware: in Italy, this sign is an insult. In Brazil,
it means good luck; and among Hindus, it means a
cow. Being sensitive to the way different people
interpret nonverbal messages can help you communicate more effectively wherever you are.
Knowing something about nonverbal communication can also be helpful when you send messages.
Your physical actions can either reinforce or contradict what you say. If you feel nervous about
speaking to a group, for instance, you may avoid
looking at your listeners, lean on the podium, or
drop your voice to a low mumble.
With a little practice, however, you can master a
different set of nonverbal habits—mannerisms that
will convey confidence and authority. Eventually,
by learning to look confident, you begin to feel
confident.
Body Language
Also called the “silent language,” body language
is the way we use our bodies to send messages. A
speaker for Toastmasters International once found
an effective way to demonstrate to an audience
how body language works. He asked his listeners to
place their thumbs and forefingers together (as in
the OK sign) and then told them to place their
Body language indicates that these people are friends.
hands on their chins. But while he was saying this,
he did something different—he placed his own
thumb and forefinger on his cheek.
Typically, 90 percent of his listeners followed his
actions, not his words. Despite his instructions, they
put their hands on their cheeks just as he did. “In
business,” notes Susan Bixler, president of
Professional Image, “body language always wins
out over verbal communication.”
Why is body language important? First, because
people usually remember more of what they see
than what they hear, and second, because we have
learned that it helps us recognize the truth. When a
person’s words and body language are consistent,
we tend to believe that person. When their words
and body language say different things, we tend to
believe the body language and doubt the words.
Often, complicated feelings spill out in the form of
body language. If a speaker is having difficulty controlling her anger, for example, she might raise her voice
or turn away. “No mortal can keep a secret,” noted
Sigmund Freud. “If his lips are silent, he chatters with
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
79
Walk the Walk
O
ne of the most interesting body movements is the walk. Some have called the way we walk a
“second signature,” because each person’s walk is distinct. The way we walk results partly from
body structure, of course, but pace and length of stride seem to change with our emotions. If you
are happy, you may move more quickly and seem lighter on your feet. If you’re unhappy, your
shoulders may droop, and you may walk as though your shoes were made of lead.
Studies show that people tend to like men and women who have a bounce to their walk, swing
their arms, and take long, strong strides. In fact, some psychologists say a long stride is such a
positive body movement that you can improve your disposition—and make yourself happier—just
by taking longer steps.
his fingertips.” Even though people can control their
words, and sometimes their facial expressions, there is
often a “leakage” of feelings—perhaps in a gesture, a
shift of position, or a tone of voice. Any one of these
nonverbal signals may help you to interpret the messages you receive.
Body language is also remarkably diverse. Mario
Pei, a communications expert, once estimated that
humans produce up to 700,000 different physical
signs. The face alone is capable of 250,000 different expressions. Other researchers have identified
some 5,000 separate hand gestures and 1,000 kinds
of postures. Clearly, we send messages by a dizzying array of nonverbal means. These messages are
fun to watch and challenging to interpret. And
unlike verbal communication, which is intermittent, body language is constant.
Learning to Read Body Language
Recognizing body language is an inexact art, so you
must be careful about how you interpret it. A certain movement or facial expression may be quite
meaningful, or it may mean nothing at all. As a
starting point, the lists below provide common
body language terms and their generally accepted
meanings.
Positive Body Language Certain physical cues can
be quite reliable as indicators of positive feelings. Here
are some things you can do, for example, to signal
interest in another person during a conversation:
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UNIT 2 Person to Person
• Relaxed posture. Sit comfortably and breathe in a
relaxed manner. Avoid abrupt movements.
• Arms relaxed. Uncross your arms and hold
your hands palms up as a sign of openness.
• Good eye contact. Look the other person in the
eye, particularly when she or he is speaking.
Look away occasionally to avoid staring.
• Nodding agreement. When you nod your head
at something the other person has said, you
indicate that you agree or understand. But
don’t overdo it. Continuous head bobbing
usually means that the listener has tuned out.
• Smiling at humor. This signals a warm personal
relationship.
• Leaning closer. Reducing the distance between
you and a partner, particularly when the other
person is speaking, indicates interest is up and
barriers are down.
• Using gestures. Talking with your hands indicates involvement in the conversation and
openness to the other person.
For all of these positive behaviors, moderation is
the key. When these movements are exaggerated,
they can become more negative than positive.
Negative Body Language Most positive gestures
are distal; that is, they are directed toward others.
Most negative gestures, on the other hand, are
proximal; they are directed toward your own body.
Negative body language is somewhat less reliable
as a method for reading another person’s mood,
because actions that are generally considered negative may just be a sign of nervousness. Still, be on
the lookout for these behaviors:
• Body tension. A wrinkled brow, jerky body motions,
or hands clasped in front can all indicate discomfort with the topic or the other person.
• Arms folded. This creates a barrier and can indicate resistance to what is being said.
• Speaking hand to mouth. Putting your hands
near your mouth, scratching your cheek or eyebrow—these are things that say, “Don’t listen
to me, I’m not sure of what I am saying.”
• Fidgeting. If you move around a lot, play with
things, or drum with your fingers, you send signals of boredom, nervousness, or impatience.
• Yawning. This often happens if the other
person is talking too much or in too much
technical detail.
Using Body Language Effectively We normally think of body language as a reflection of what
a person is feeling, and it is. But it is also true that if
you change your body language, your feelings will
begin to change as well. That’s why, when you feel
yourself dragging in the middle of the afternoon, a
quick walk around the block can rejuvenate you.
You also tend to feel better when you put on fresh
clothes, or if you just smile.
This principle has two practical applications: (1)
You can make yourself look and feel better by using
more positive body language. The famous football
coach Vince Lombardi used to tell his players before
an away game, “You’ve got to look good getting off
the bus.” In other words, if you look and act like a
winner, you are more likely to be one. (2) Body
language is contagious. If person X uses neutral
body language, and person Y uses positive body language, person X will gradually begin to mirror Y’s
behavior. Thus, your positive body language can
gradually affect the behavior of those around you.
PEANUTS reprinted by permission of United Feature Syndicate, Inc.
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
81
1
Recalling the Facts
Try this quick quiz to see how well you can
interpret nonverbal messages. Match the action
in the left column with the message in the
right column:
1. What is the difference between active and
passive listening?
2. Name and briefly identify four listening
styles.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Action
Slapping your
forehead with the
heel of your hand
Wrinkling your
forehead and
frowning
Tapping your fingers on a desk or
table
Slamming a book
down on a desk
or table
Wrinkling your
nose
Message
a. “I’m angry.”
b. “I forgot
something.”
c. “I’m getting
impatient.”
d. “I don’t
understand.”
e. “I don’t like
that.”
Thinking Critically
1. Why do actions speak louder than
words?
2. To learn more about body language, try a
mirroring exercise. Find a partner and
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UNIT 2 Person to Person
stand facing each other. One of you now
becomes the mirror image for the other
by trying to copy your partner’s body
movements. Try holding a conversation.
After a while reverse roles and repeat the
activity. What are each person’s characteristic gestures?
Taking Charge
1. To observe body language in action, try
an experiment the next time you ride a
crowded elevator. When you board the
elevator, don’t turn around and face the
door. Instead, stand facing the other people in the elevator. If you want to create
even more tension, grin and stare at everyone. Very likely, the other passengers will
glare back, and they may appear to be surprised or upset. The reason? You have
broken the (unspoken) rules.
Discuss with your classmates what you
discover. Brainstorm other situations in
which breaking the nonverbal rules might
affect others.
2. Pair off with a partner and try to communicate the following feelings nonverbally:
frustration, tension, joy, anger, hate, and
happiness. Think of a few other feelings,
and attempt to see whether your partner
can guess what emotion you are trying to
communicate.
2
L
Interpreting
Nonverbal Messages
earning to read body language is complicated
by the fact that people often express different
and even contradictory messages in their verbal and nonverbal behaviors. Are you nodding your
head yes while you’re saying no?
A common example of this double message is
the experience of hearing someone with a red face
and bulging veins yell, “Angry? No, I’m not angry!”
Like this person, you may sometimes try to put on
a false front. You try to keep a straight face, for
example, when laughing might hurt someone’s
feelings, or you try to act calm when you don’t want
someone to worry about you.
We all try to “massage our message” from time
to time. In other words, we attempt to use our bodies to disguise our real feelings. For example, we
may pretend not to be hurt even though our hearts
are breaking.
We have learned how to “behave” ourselves, how
to hide our true feelings. We choose roles and act
our parts. But rarely do we turn in a perfect performance. Thus, who we really are and what we really
mean often slip out in our behavior—in what we
say, the way we say it, and the way our bodies act.
Here are some tips for reading the true meaning
of nonverbal communication:
• Don’t just look, but observe.
• Consider the person’s normal physical and
verbal behavior patterns, and be alert for variations from those norms.
• Remember that one signal alone may mean
nothing; what you’re looking for are clusters
of signals.
Facial Expressions
Because of their visibility, we pay a great deal of
attention to other people’s faces. Babies, for example, take special interest in the huge faces they see
peering over their cribs. Although the face is capable of making hundreds of distinct movements and
communicating many emotional states, six emotions seem to cause most expressions: surprise, fear,
anger, disgust, happiness, and sadness. Blends of
these primary emotions account for nearly all of
our facial expressions.
No single area of the face best reveals emotions,
but for any given emotion, certain features may be
more important. For example, the nose-cheekmouth area is most important for showing disgust.
For fear, the eyes and eyelids are most important.
Sadness can be detected or expressed best in the
CALVIN AND HOBBES © Watterson. Reprinted with permission of UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE. All rights reserved.
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
83
brows and forehead, while happiness can be found
in the cheeks and mouth.
If you watch a person’s face in slow motion (on
film or video), you discover that people change
expressions rapidly. Some expressions last only
a few hundredths of a second; in fact, they are so
fleeting that they are rarely noticed in everyday
conversation.
Some of these fleeting expressions reveal a person’s true feelings, but they are quickly replaced by
deliberate expressions the person feels are more
socially appropriate. You can disguise your face
more easily than almost any other part of your
body. That means that despite our natural tendency
to search faces for meaning, they are not necessarily
the best place to look.
How to Tell If Someone Is Lying
)
ncreased face touching can indicate
that someone is not telling the truth.
Watch for behaviors like the following:
EARLOBE PULL
CHIN STROKE
LIP PRESS
MOUTH COVER
Tone of Voice
By contrast, tone of voice offers a valuable clue
to a speaker’s feelings. The pitch and timbre (distinctive tone) of a person’s voice and the pauses
and rhythm of a voice can express things above and
beyond the words themselves. The psychotherapist
Rollo May once asked himself, “What does the
voice say when I stop listening to the words?”
The simple word oh, for example, says very little
as you see it printed here. But in spoken form, oh can
have many different meanings. According to the way
it is spoken, oh can mean any of the following:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
“You surprised me.”
“I made a mistake.”
“You’re a pain in the neck.”
“You make me so happy.”
“I’m bored.”
“I’m fascinated.”
“I understand.”
“I don’t understand.”
The rate of speech also tells us something about the
speaker’s feelings. People tend to talk fast when they
are excited or anxious. They also tend to talk fast when
they are trying to persuade us or sell us something. On
the other hand, people tend to talk more slowly when
they are depressed, disgusted, or simply tired.
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UNIT 2 Person to Person
John Hull learned to be especially sensitive to
tone of voice when he became visually impaired at
age 48. “With the people I know very well,” he said,
“I find that all of the emotion that would normally
be expressed in the face is there in the voice: the
tiredness, the anxiety, the excitement. My impressions based on the voice seem to be just as accurate
as those of sighted people. The capacity of the voice
to reveal the self is truly amazing. These are the
things that matter to me now.”
How to Tell When Someone Is Lying
According to Desmond Morris, author of The
Naked Ape, we control some parts of our bodies
better than others. The easiest parts to control are
those whose actions we are most aware of. Smiles
and frowns are easy to control. So facial expressions are a poor test of someone’s sincerity.
General body postures, on the other hand, can be
very revealing, because we are not fully conscious of
them; we don’t usually know, for example, whether
we are slumping or standing tall. Legs and feet are
the parts of the body we are usually least aware of.
Then what can we do to discover a person’s true
thoughts? Are there specific body messages we can
look for? Morris conducted a series of experiments
to provide some answers. He asked a group of
nurses to lie about a movie they had seen. He then
assembled a set of behaviors that seem to persist
during moments of deception:
• Decreased hand activity. The hand gestures
the nurses would normally use were reduced.
The reason may be that hand actions, which
illustrate what we say, are not entirely under
our conscious control. Unconsciously, when
you are not being truthful, you may sense that
your hands will give you away, so you suppress
them. You hide them, sit on them, stuff them
into pockets, or clasp them together.
• Increased face touching. We all touch our
faces from time to time when we speak, but
the frequency of this simple action rises during moments of stress, such as lying. Hand-toface favorites include the chin stroke, the lip
press, the mouth cover, the nose touch, the
cheek rub, the eyebrow scratch, the earlobe
pull, and the hair groom.
Why these actions might indicate lying can be
explained with the mouth cover. According to
Morris, as false words emerge from the speaker’s
mouth, one part of his brain becomes uncomfortable and sends a message to his hand to “cover up”
what the lips are doing. The other part of his brain,
however, cannot permit this cover-up to work. The
How can you tell whether a smile is genuine?
S
miles are much more complicated than many
people realize. Paul Ekman, a researcher at the
University of California at San Francisco, has identified eighteen distinctive smiles—most of them
phony. One of the most common is the “qualifier”
smile, which superiors often use when rejecting an
idea or criticizing an employee. In such a smile,
the corners of the lips are usually tightened, with
the bottom lip pushed up slightly. But Ekman says
most people can identify the real thing. Look at
the upper half of a person’s face. Genuine, or
“felt,” smiles involve the muscles that make the
corners of the eyes crinkle with pleasure.
result is a halfhearted motion, with the hand-tomouth gesture ending up as a slight brush.
• Stiff and rigid posture. “Most people move
less when they’re lying,” says psychologist
Albert Mehrabian. “Their movements and
body positions become less fluid.” However,
some people move more when they feel conflicted, as the next point shows.
• Increased body shifting. Most of us can
remember squirming as children when we
were being interrogated by our parents. Our
squirms were symptoms of an almost overpowering desire to escape. As adults, we learn
to suppress these actions, but they do not disappear entirely. If you know a person well,
you may be able to spot times when he or she
seems unusually restless. That body language
may indicate that the person is uncomfortable
about something he or she is saying.
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
85
2
Recalling the Facts
1. Tone of voice is one way that we can communicate feelings. Descibe the different
ways that a person can say the word “oh” to
convey feelings.
2. Because we all try to disguise our real feelings from time to time, reading body language can be difficult. Describe ways we can
use body language to distinguish genuine
feelings from false ones.
3. How can you tell a genuine smile from
a phony one?
4. What nonverbal message would a person
send if she brushed her fingers across her
mouth when she was speaking?
5. How does a person use his or her hands to
send noverbal messages?
Thinking Critically
Ask a partner to tell you two stories about
something that happened to him or her—one
true and one false. Your partner should try to
make the false story sound reasonable, so that
wild exaggerations don’t give the story away.
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UNIT 2 Person to Person
Listen to both stories, carefully observing your
partner’s body language and tone of voice. Can
you guess which story is true? After you have
tried to guess, reverse roles and tell two stories
to your partner.
Now work with a partner and take turns
saying the words “thanks a lot.” Keep track of
the different feelings you can convey by changing your tone of voice as you say the words.
Taking Charge
Watch a recording of a film or a TV show (a
cartoon works well) with the sound off, and try
to guess what is being expressed by body language alone. Then play the recording again with
the volume up. How well did you do with your
guesses? Reverse this procedure, so that you listen but do not look. How much do you feel
you lose by relying only on verbal messages?
Try the same activity watching singers perform a song in a televised competition. Turn
off the sound as they sing. What does their
body language and facial expression tell you
about the feelings expressed in the song?
3
Multicultural Messages
W
hile practiced everywhere, body language
is not a universal language. The familiar
thumbs-up gesture that means “everything’s OK” or “good going,” especially when used
by a pilot or an astronaut, has other meanings in
other places. North Americans recognize the thumbsup gesture as a sign that you are hitchhiking, but
don’t use it to get a ride in Nigeria; there it’s a rude
insult.
Roger Axtell, who traveled the world for 30 years
as an executive with the Parker Pen Company,
wrote a guide for business travelers—Do’s and
Taboos Around the World—that he hoped would
help head off international incidents.
“In Buenos Aires,” Axtell writes, “a manager met
me with his arms outstretched. I realized, ‘That
man’s going to hug me.’ I’m from Wisconsin. We
don’t do things like that. And by the way, there’s an
art to the social hug. You have to turn your head a
bit. We ended up smashing noses. It wasn’t a very
auspicious beginning.”
Cultural Differences
Generally, we expect to communicate better face
to face than indirectly—say, on the telephone.
Nonverbal information—such as one’s appearance,
tone of voice, facial expression, and body language—provides extra information that enriches
understanding. However, when cultural differences
are involved, more nonverbal information is not
always better.
For one thing, when you do not have good command of a foreign language, you tend to lose some
control over your nonverbal expressions. So,
English spoken with a foreign accent not only is
hard to understand, but it can also lead to a poorly
controlled tone of voice or awkward facial expressions. Sometimes it is hard not to judge a person
based on such behaviors, and it takes patience to
move beyond first impressions.
Most Americans reserve hugs for their families and
close friends, but people in other cultures may hug
when greeting strangers.
Gestures Around the World
If humans can produce 5,000 different gestures,
why do we use the same ones over and over?
Probably because they are the ones we need for
everyday situations: when we greet each other,
beckon to one another, and especially when we
touch one another.
Nodding your head up and down means yes—
unless, of course, you live in Bulgaria or parts of
Greece, Turkey, and Iran, where it means just the
opposite. Tapping your head with your forefinger
can have two meanings. Sometimes it means, “That
person is very intelligent!” and sometimes, “That
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
87
The Ultimate Gesture
If you feel bewildered by the seemingly infinite number of gestures used around the
world, perhaps you would do well to remember the “ultimate gesture.” Researchers call it
that because it carries more positive characteristics than any other single gesture.
First, this gesture is known everywhere in the world. It is absolutely universal.
Second, it is rarely, if ever, misunderstood. Nonindustrial peoples and world leaders
alike know this gesture. They—like you, no doubt—recognize it in others and use it themselves.
Third, scientists believe this particular gesture releases chemicals called endorphins into
your system, creating a feeling of mild euphoria—a sense of great happiness or well-being.
Fourth, as you travel around the world, this gesture may help you slip out of the prickliest of situations.
What is this singular signal, this miracle, this giant of all gestures?
It is, quite simply, the smile.
Question
What other universal gestures or expressions can you identify?
person is crazy!” It all depends on the facial expression that goes with the gesture.
All over the world, scratching your head seems to
mean, “I am confused.” Apparently, everyone gets
confused. In an Italian study, psychologists filmed
people in telephone booths. One clip shows a man
holding the receiver in his left hand and gesturing
vigorously with his right. As the conversation seems
to agitate him more, he tucks the receiver under his
chin to free both hands for gesturing, beating the
air with his fists.
This man probably couldn’t talk at all if we tied
his hands behind his back. Let’s take a closer
look at what other gestures can mean in different
cultures.
Signs of Greeting Some anthropologists, scientists who study human cultural development,
believe that an outstretched hand as a form of
88
UNIT 2 Person to Person
greeting goes far back in history. Citizens of the
Roman Empire greeted each other with a handand-forearm clasp, mainly to show that neither
party was carrying a weapon. The hug or embrace
(a form of greeting common in Mediterranean
countries) may have had a similar purpose. The
hug gave people physical assurance that no weapons were hiding beneath anyone’s robe.
Worldwide, many other forms of greeting are
used. In the Middle East, citizens can still be seen
giving the salaam. To give the salaam, you sweep
your right hand upward, first touching the heart,
then the forehead, and finally up and outward, perhaps with a slight nod of the head. At the same
time you say, Salaam alaykum, meaning “Peace be
with you.”
Many Inuit people greet by slapping their hands
on each other’s head or shoulders. Some Polynesians
welcome strangers by embracing them and then
rubbing their backs. Maori people in New Zealand
rub noses, and some East Africans spit at each other’s feet. Americans traveling to Tibet should be culturally alert. People there are said to greet one
another by sticking out their tongues.
Handshakes Handshakes seem to come in three
styles: gentle, firm, and Texan. Britain’s Prince
Charles, who travels widely and must be something
of an expert on international greetings, has complained about the finger-crunching grip of
Americans, “especially Texans.”
Kisses French people like handshakes, but many
of them don’t stop there. Close friendships require
warmer greetings. Men kiss each other, squeeze
each other’s shoulders, slap backs, punch kidneys,
and pinch cheeks. When men greet women or
women greet other women, a kiss on each cheek is
expected.
Bows The most polite greeting of all is the bow. In
many Asian countries—especially Japan, where style
and courtesy are highly valued—a bow from the
waist is the preferred way to greet someone. A bow
indicates respect and humility, and it often reflects
social status. To the Japanese, bowing is indispensable, because it allows them to greet one another
without invading each other’s personal space.
Who bows first? In Japanese society, rank is very
important. In business, for example, a mid-level
manager in a large company outranks a department
head. Therefore, the person of lower rank (in this
In Japan a bow from the waist is the
preferred greeting.
case, the department head) bows first and lower.
Normally, American travelers are not expected to
make a full bow to their Japanese companions, but
they might make a slight bow to indicate that they
respect Japanese customs.
Even being culturally sensitive, however, won’t
keep you from awkward situations. Many Japanese
people, especially those who travel abroad, have
adopted Western ways. As a result, you may find
yourself bowing in a Japanese person’s direction
just as she or he reaches out to shake your hand.
When cultures collide, we often meet each other
somewhere in the middle.
Touching Customs
We live in a world of extremes: some cultures
enjoy lots of body contact; others avoid it completely. One psychologist measured this desire to
touch by watching how people behave in busy
downtown coffee shops. He found that couples in
San Juan, Puerto Rico, touched each other about
180 times per hour, while couples in Paris touched
about 110 times per hour. The comparative numbers
for the United States and northern Europe were
dramatically different. Couples in Gainesville,
Florida, touched each other just twice an hour, and
couples in London never touched at all.
Touching is the language of physical intimacy.
Because of this, touch can be the most powerful of
all the communication channels. Brigitte Gerney
was trapped for six hours beneath the wreckage of
a collapsed construction crane in New York City.
Throughout her ordeal, she held the hand of a rescue worker, who stayed by her side as heavy machinery removed the tons of twisted steel from her
crushed legs. A stranger’s touch gave her hope and
the will to live.
Touch appears to affect the sexes differently.
Women sometimes react much more favorably to
touch than men. In one study, psychologists asked
a group of nurses to lightly touch a patient once or
twice shortly before the patient underwent surgery.
The touching produced a strongly positive reaction—but only among women. It appeared to lower
their blood pressure and anxiety levels both before
and after surgery.
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
89
Gestures Gone Awry
W
hile a kiss on the cheek or a hug in
public is acceptable—and even
expected—in Hollywood, such gestures are
not acceptable in Bollywood (India’s film
industry, located in Mumbai). In 2007 actor
Richard Gere, star of Chicago and Pretty
Woman, learned this lesson the hard way
when he kissed Bollywood actress Shilpa
Shetty at an AIDS awareness rally in Jaipar,
India. His act sparked protests across the
country and landed Gere and Shetty in court
for violating “public obscenity” laws. Some
followers of the Hindu religion felt Gere’s
gesture not only damaged Shetty’s reputation but insulted Indian culture. The high
court, however, dismissed the charges.
In 2006 President George W. Bush made
a similar cultural blunder when he squeezed
the shoulders of German chancellor Angela
Merkel at the Group of 8 Summit in Russia.
Merkel appeared shocked by the gesture,
and the German media called Bush’s act a
“love attack.” Bush has been known to hug
or kiss people in public, but these displays of
affection are definite “no-nos” in countries
where public touching is unacceptable.
For men, however, the touching proved to be
very upsetting. Both their blood pressure and their
anxiety levels rose. The psychologists suspect that
because men are taught to be more stoic—that is, to
hide their feelings and to ignore their fears—the
touching rattled them by reminding them that life
is fragile.
How do you feel about touching and being
touched? Salespeople think they know—research
shows that it is harder to say no to someone who
touches you when making a request—but not
everyone is happy about being touched by a
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UNIT 2 Person to Person
stranger. Think about your own comfort level when
you find yourself in a crowd. Are you relaxed and
loose, or does physical contact make you feel awkward and tense?
In some situations, we can’t help touching each
other. In a crowded elevator, for instance, people
stand shoulder to shoulder and arm to arm, accepting such close contact without complaint. The rule
seems to be “Touch only from shoulder to elbow,
but nowhere else.” Even though many people
regard Japan as a “nontouching” society, its crowded
cities force people to be jammed into subways and
trains. Edward T. Hall, an anthropologist, says the
Japanese handle their uneasiness about being
packed into public places by avoiding eye contact
and drawing within themselves emotionally, thus
“touching without feeling.”
Watch My Space
Sometimes we speak of “keeping our distance”
from someone we dislike or “getting close” to
someone we like. Anthropologists say that we all
live inside a “bubble” of personal space. The bubble represents our personal territory, and we resent
it when someone invades our space.
International businesspeople need to be aware of
what kinds of touching are acceptable in different
parts of the world.
Sometimes you cannot avoid contact at rush hour because you have no personal space.
Americans tend to prefer standing about 24 to 30
inches from one another. This just happens to be an
arm’s length away. “When two Americans stand facing one another in any normal social or business
situation,” says George Renwick, an expert on intercultural communication, “one could stretch out his
arm and put his thumb in the other person’s ear.”
Asian people tend to stand farther apart when talking. Latin Americans and Middle Easterners, on the
other hand, tend to stand much closer, literally toe
to toe. They also tend to like touching their partner’s
arm or elbow when conversing.
Types of Space
INTIMATE
PERSONAL
SOCIAL
PUBLIC
under 18 inches
11⁄ 2 to 4 feet
4 to 12 feet
over 12 feet
Intimate distance is
primarily for confidential
exchanges and is almost
always reserved for close
friends.
Personal distance is
comfortable for conversation between friends.
Social distance is the
ordinary distance people
maintain from one another
for most social and business
exchanges.
At a public distance,
perhaps in a shopping mall or
on the street, people barely
acknowledge each other’s
presence. At most, they give a
nod or a shake of the head.
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
91
3
Recalling the Facts
1. Give a few examples of the ways in which
greetings differ from one country to
another.
2. In what two ways could people interpret
the gesture of tapping one’s head with the
index finger?
3. How does touch affect some men and
women differently?
4. In what cultures are people most likely to
stand close and touch you while they are
talking?
5. What is the difference between public
space and private space?
way that Korean merchants could be consistent with their cultural customs but still
make foreign customers feel welcome?
2. How important is it to be familiar with
the body language customs of other cultures? Do you think it would it be better
if all cultures had the same body language? Why or why not?
3. How do you think greetings change when
people see each other frequently? Do you
greet your parents, whom you see almost
every day, the same way that you greet
relatives you have not seen for months
or years?
Thinking Critically
Taking Charge
1. Touching customs that vary from culture to
culture can have unfortunate consequences.
In Korea, for example, when merchants
make change for a customer, they usually
place the money on the counter to avoid
any physical contact. “They won’t touch
my hand,” one American customer complained. A Korean merchant explained that
in his homeland, people are taught to avoid
all physical contact with strangers, especially direct eye contact. Can you suggest a
Invite several recent immigrants to class and
ask them to discuss the differences they notice
in nonverbal communication between the
United States and their homelands.
Take a survey among classmates about the
ways that people in their families greet each
other. How many have relatives who hug
them? How many have relatives who kiss
them? How many have relatives who bow?
Discuss greetings in relation to a classmate’s
cultural background.
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UNIT 2 Person to Person
One Woman’s Experiment
to Act Like a Man
In her book You Just Don’t Understand, linguist Deborah Tannen argues that men and
women speak different languages. What she doesn’t say, however, is that the sexes also use
different body languages. That idea is what caused journalist Sheila Feeney to try an unusual
experiment. What if, she asked, she walked like a man? Eventually, after doing some interviews with experts, she compiled a top-five list of what she called classic male moves:
•
The land grab. Men tend to take up more space than women do, according to
Feeney. Women who have battled for an armrest in a theater or fought for space on a
couch might agree with Feeney. Dr. Lillian Glass, a communications specialist, advises
women executives to make their own “land grab” by spreading their papers around a
meeting table and using sweeping arm gestures to help establish authority.
•
Touchy, touchy. Despite what you might think, men are more likely to touch
women than vice versa, according to Feeney. And where they touch is critical: Most
women restrict themselves to the forearms and hands, while many guys go for the
upper body—hence all that back-slapping, shoulder-shaking, and arm-pumping.
•
The stare master. Unlike women, men often look at people without softening their
appraising stare, says Glass. She says women are more conditioned to seek and give
approval. Feeney decided to stare at a few men on the street. Some broke into smiles,
some even said hello, but the overwhelming majority of strangers and acquaintances
she picked as “victims” became distinctly uncomfortable.
•
The chest butt. “If you really want to try something, orient your body directly at
another person,” says Dr. David Givens, an expert in nonverbal communication.
Unless they’re about to shout someone down or punch him in the nose, men instinctively turn from each other when talking. Standing face to face is something men will
do only when they’re mad.
•
Look away, look away. Some women complain that men don’t pay attention to
them. They say that many men’s eyes wander to their watches, to the television, or to
the newspaper when they are supposed to be listening. Yet the male “power move”
of avoiding eye contact while being spoken to proved to be tough for Feeney. She
said she felt unforgivably mean each time she glanced away while someone was
speaking to her.
Question:
What other kinds of body language do you think men tend to use more than
women? What kinds of body language do women use more than men?
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
93
Appreciating the Difference
by Charlie Paul
I
n the following speech (made soon after a presidential campaign by Bill Clinton), a student makes the
case that different groups have different body languages. Paying close attention to body language and
nonverbal communication, he argues, might help us overcome some cultural misunderstandings.
Facial expressions, hand gestures, and body language
all say as much as voices, but they mean different things
to different people—depending on where your ancestors
immigrated from and where you live.
In the last political presidential campaign, I began to
notice that I had never actually seen a television clip or
picture where Bill Clinton was not smiling. It took me a
great deal of time before I realized that Clinton’s smile
actually represented a regional difference in body language—a kind of Southern accent of the face. Each culture has a set of unwritten rules regarding the situations
in which smiling is or is not expected, and people in the
South habitually smile a great deal. In fact, a person from
Arkansas who seldom smiled would probably be asked
what was wrong.
No one is actually taught when to smile and when not
to. As children grow up, they simply emulate the behavior of the people around them; they absorb a kind of
nonverbal code as they learn the spoken language. A
German, for instance, gestures in a manner that is as
distinctively German as his speech.
In the United States, body language can be very complicated. We are a nation of immigrants and descendants
of immigrants—all of whom came with their own language and ethnic differences. Spoken accents tend to disappear long before body dialects, so second-generation
Hispanic-Americans, for example, often look Hispanic
in the way that they move and gesture though they don’t
sound Hispanic at all. . . .
It would be an oversimplification to say that a person
was expressive or inexpressive entirely on the basis of
ethnic background. Personality enters into the picture,
and of course, ethnic differences can also be cross-cut by
regional and religious ones. What is more interesting to
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UNIT 2 Person to Person
note is that what is learned can be unlearned. Dr. Robert
Sheckley, a New York psychiatrist, stated that “American
women generally have much more animated facial expressions than men, but in recent years professional women
in the workforce have learned to be less expressive.”
Sheckley went on to say that regardless of the occupation,
women are often expected to conceal their emotions.
Body language is a very complicated subject, and the
differences between the sexes and people of different
origins can often lead to problems or misunderstandings. Not long ago, for example, I was in a friend’s kitchen
when suddenly I realized I literally had my body pressed
up against a wall—even though we had started the conversation in the middle of the room. I thought about
what had happened. I tend to keep my distance from
people during conversation, but my friend obviously
feels more at ease in situations of close proximity. So as
she moved forward, I moved back to maintain the distance that was comfortable for me and we gradually
inched across the room. If I hadn’t stopped and thought
about the situation, I might have concluded that she was
being very aggressive and pushy—just as she might have
thought that I was standoffish and aloof. . . .
Opinions differ as to how important body languages
are, but researchers all agree that they do exist—and they
don’t have to create problems.
One way to help prevent misunderstanding is for
everyone to realize that we really don’t all speak the
same body language. Beyond that, maybe we need to
learn to appreciate our differences, rather than keep trying to overlook them, so that we can open ourselves up
to the fascinating variations in people. To quote my
Irish granddad, “May the gentle rain and wind fade all
your problems.”
4
Review and Enrichment
Looking Back
Listed below are the major ideas discussed in this chapter.
• Nonverbal messages are a vital part of
face-to-face communication.
• Nonverbal messages frequently overpower verbal messages.
• Although body language is used worldwide, it is not a universal language.
• Some cultures are much more comfortable with touching than others.
• The distance you keep between yourself
and others (your “personal space”) helps
define the kind of communication that is
taking place.
• We tend to look for nonverbal messages
in other people’s faces, but the face is the
part of the body that can be most easily
controlled and therefore disguised.
• We can learn to spot someone who is
lying by studying body language. People
who are lying tend to use fewer hand gestures, to touch their faces more often, and
to shift position more frequently.
• You should assess your own body language from time to time, especially to see
whether it contributes to a professional
demeanor.
Speech Vocabulary
Match each vocabulary term on the left with the correct definition on the right.
1. nonverbal message
2. body language
3. gesture
4. tone of voice
5. personal space
6. intimate distance
7. personal distance
8. social distance
9. public distance
10. eye contact
Speech Online
a. all our physical movements
b. the distance for a conversation among
friends
c. looking directly at your communication
partner
d. any means of communication other than
words
e. the distance we keep between ourselves
and strangers
f. style or manner of expression
g. the distance for normal business conversations
h. the distance for personal conversations
i. our “personal territory”
j. hand or arm movement
Chapter Review For additional practice and assessment,
go to glencoe.com and enter QuickPass code GS7800c4.
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4
Review and Enrichment
Academic Vocabulary
Use context clues to write the meaning of each vocabulary term. Then use a print or online dictionary
to check the accuracy of your definition.
sympathetic
diverse
distal
proximal
timbre
suppress
anthropologist
comparative
intimacy
stoic
To Remember
Answer the following, based on your reading of the chapter.
1. Approximately how many different gestures
can human beings produce?
2. The handshake and other forms of greeting
go far back in time. What purpose do anthropologists think these gestures originally
served?
3. Name two cultures where touching among
friends is common and two where it is not.
4. How far apart would two close friends ordinarily stand or sit during a friendly conversation? What about two strangers?
5. What might a tendency to touch his or her
face suggest about a speaker?
To Do
1. Challenge your classmates to do short pantomimes of situations. Ask them to nonverbally
present an ER room in a hospital, a nursery
school, or an amusement park.
2. Try a game of charades with your friends. Act
out movie titles or current events to see how
well you can communicate without words.
3. Watch a film or video of the great mime Marcel
Marceau. What could a mime teach you about
using more expressive body language? Try
pantomiming the action of throwing a ball.
Have the ball change in weight and size. Have
it become sticky, muddy, hot, wet, or cold.
4. Bring some home videos to class. After reading the discussion of facial expressions on
pages 83–84, watch the available videos,
focusing on the facial expressions. When a
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UNIT 2 Person to Person
face is prominently displayed on the screen,
stop the video and take turns with your classmates commenting on what you think that
particular expression “says.” How would you
assess your skill at reading expressions? Do
some of your classmates seem more skilled
than others at interpreting facial expressions?
5. Take turns telling about one of the following,
with your hands held behind your back.
• How to shave
• How to mix a cake
• How to serve a tennis ball
• How to shake a rug
• How to apply makeup
• How to pass a football
• How to use a curling iron
6. When you want to express confidence, you
try to look bigger. You stretch yourself up to
your full height—head back, chest out, nose
up. We call this “walking tall.” When you’re
sad or discouraged, you make yourself look
smaller by bending over, tucking your head
in, and looking down. Practice trying these
different kinds of walks at school. What kinds
of reactions does each style elicit?
To Talk About
1. How important is nonverbal communication in
everyday life? In school? On the job?
2. How big is your bubble? How much room do
you need around yourself to be comfortable?
Does that change with different social situations or different people?
3. How do you know when someone is not telling
the truth? What clues do you look for? Reread
the discussion “How to Tell When Someone Is
Lying” on pages 84–85. Which of the different
types of body language mentioned do you think
are the best indicators that someone might be
lying? Do you think reading this information
will make you more apt to recognize when
someone is lying to you?
4 The Instant Impact on page 80 discusses the
distinct way of walking that each individual
has. The feature even refers to a person’s walk as
his or her “second signature.” Have you noticed
the way that a particular person walks? Do you
agree with the idea that everyone has a distinct
walk? How would you describe your walk?
To Write About
1. Keep a log of your personal space for one day.
Each time you have a conversation, make a
note of how close to you the other person
stood or sat. Observe how the spatial distance
between you and others varies according to
the following factors: their status or authority, sex, age, and social or cultural background. Compare your log with those of
classmates.
2. Write a description of how to do one of these
things:
• shoot a free throw
• wash a dog
Next, write a speech explaining the same
process, and plan to use hand gestures and
facial expressions to illustrate it. How many
words did body language save you? What
parts of the explanation became easier?
Related Speech Topics
How to speak body language
You’re in my space!
The sure-fire liar detector plan
Read a person like a book
Gestures around the world
Eye contact: Don’t forget it!
Smiles: the universal language
Fear, anxiety, and the body
Talking without hands: Can you do it?
Clothes make the man or woman: true or false?
CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication
97