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Languaging for Leadership Choosing words that work better. Ancient Wise Saying Revised Be careful of your WORDS because your words become your thoughts. Be careful of your THOUGHTS because your thoughts become your ACTIONS. Be careful of your actions because they create your HABITS. Be careful of your habits because they build your CHARACTER. Be careful of your character because it creates your DESTINY! How Human Communication Works Words translate into pictures emotional memories responses Self- Talk Your vocabulary is influenced by your self- image. Each word produces a picture to be imitated in action. How you say it Body language Inflection Facial Expression Voice level Timing Words you choose Those things do matter BUT the most subtle and devastating block to communication may well be the actual words you choose to use. We all have filters and habitual, conditioned responses to EVERY WORD we hear. How the Brain Works In Communication Filters Affective = Effective = Conditioned Emotional Responses Generated by circumstances Cultural Differences Status indicators Gestures Appropriate body language Reactions to each word Gender Differences Men and women use language differently Independence trust Word Selection – “Languaging.” There are choices between words in every situation. Be aware of the intrinsic meanings attached to each word/phrase. Choosing wisely is and art. Avoid FIGHTING WORDS & PHRASES Fighting Words! And Alternatives Don’t! People can’t don’t. Quit telling them what you don’t want. Instead tell them what You Do Want to have happen. Fail or Failing –finding I - inviting A –an N - needed I – important G - growth L –lesson This is the foundation of learning! F Try, I’ll Try I can do this! I’ll figure it out. “Count on it.” Problem Opportunity Challenge Situation Change Improve Build Perfect Rethink But And Can't Won't Can't YET Wrong Not what I would do Different Interesting Bad Not up to expectations. Not our (your) best work. Not what I thought ….. Should Have Next time I’ll Bored What else could you do? Make different choices. Phrases that block communication My BAD Sorry! I’m working on it. Next time I’ll… How do you say “No” when you need to! Thanks for thinking of me and… Not at this time. Thank you. Oh, no thank you. Have you considered? Yes, BUT Please consider… That might be true. Have you considered… No thank you. NO, I don't think so. You! (accusatory) Human Beings… Many people… I have been known to… We'll see Yes No I am not sure I will get back to you by…… We tried that … Didn’t we try that? What did we learn last time? Does this look familiar? Not right now! Schedule a time to meet. Why did you? What reaction were you expecting? Help me understand……. What caused you to do that? Languaging IS a choice Use your words to maximize your effectiveness. Remember it takes a 21 days to make or break a habit and changing your word pattern will not occur overnight. And you can do it!!! Good luck!