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MANAGING THE WORD COUNT Writing within the set word count for assignments is one of the biggest challenges that students face. Have a try at the following activities – they are all followed by some suggestions to compare your responses to. Example 1 Try to amend or re-write the sentence below without losing the meaning of it. Aim to reduce the number of words by half. Write in the right-hand column. Recommendation: To build a long term sustainable change model to last 10 years is the only way forward. In doing so, there is need to retain all that is positive about the current performance of the organisation but align this with an outwards facing strategic enabling approach. (46 words). Example 2 Again, try to cut the number of words in the left hand column below to under half, without losing the meaning of the section. Write in the right-hand column. The power of fossil fuel companies is such that that they can influence developed countries not to sign up to the Kyoto Protocol. Developed countries are susceptible to the influence of fossil fuel companies so if they not told to sign up, they are likely to give way to that pressure. (51 words) 1 Academic Skills Advice service www.brad.ac.uk/academic-skills/ Example 3 Reduce the word count on this sentence to the minimum possible number, without losing the meanings of the section. The public’s knowledge of health is poor and more government funding for health education is needed (Atkinson 2004). Increased sums of money should be spent on courses to make people aware of personal health issues. People don’t always know what they can do to take care of their health, so further investment is needed in training on health matters. (59 words) Example 4 This is the introduction and first paragraph from an essay on e-business. Which words could be cut, without losing the meaning of sentences? This essay attempts to evaluate the business model and e-strategy of web based business Amazon.com. The success of Amazon.com will be analysed through different services that it offers to customers specially focusing on their online book service and z shops. It is based on the mixed research of articles and literature obtained from different writers. Before embarking on an approach to analyse the business model, there is a need to explore the meaning of the business model. Paul Timmers (2000) has defined the business model as: “an architecture for product, service and information flows, including a description of the various business actors and their roles” (p.46). Although there are different kinds of business models but they have all got one thing in common, they are designed to make money for their owners in the long run. (136 words) 2 Academic Skills Advice service www.brad.ac.uk/academic-skills/ MANAGING THE WORD COUNT – ‘Answers’ & Notes Example 1 The power of fossil fuel companies is such that that they can influence developed countries not to sign up to the Kyoto Protocol. Developed countries are susceptible to the influence of fossil fuel companies so if they not told to sign up, they are likely to give way to that pressure. (51 words) The power of fossil fuel companies is such that that they can influence developed countries not to sign up to the Kyoto Protocol. (23 words) Comment This is an example of tautology: repeating the same word or sentence in an unnecessary way. The second sentence says much as the same as the first and can be cut. Example 2 The public’s knowledge of health is poor and more government funding for health education is needed (Atkinson 2004). Increased sums of money should be spent on courses to make people aware of personal health issues. People don’t always know what they can do to take care of their health, so further investment is needed in training on health matters.(59 words) The public’s knowledge of health is poor and more government funding for health education is needed (Atkinson 2004). (18 words) Comment: Same as for example 2 – there are two unnecessary sentences here! 3 Academic Skills Advice service www.brad.ac.uk/academic-skills/ Example 3 Recommendation: Recommendation: To build a long term sustainable change model to last 10 years is the only way forward. In doing so, there is need to retain all that is positive about the current performance of the organisation but align this with an outwards facing strategic enabling approach. A long-term plan for change is needed that retains all the positive features of the organisation (16 words). (46 words). Comment The original example contains a number of redundant and superfluous words. For example, “…build a long term sustainable change model to last 10 years”. ‘Long-term’ and ‘sustainable’ mean the same thing, and ‘long term’ becomes superfluous if we are given a time period. There are also unnecessary terms, such as, ‘In doing so…’ It also contains jargon that slows our understanding, for example, “… but align this with an outwards facing strategic enabling approach”. It is also written in the passive voice, e.g. “To build a long term sustainable change model to last 10 years is the only way forward”. This could have been written in an active voice, which inevitably cuts down on words, e.g. ‘Building a….etc. However, re-writing the sentence, cutting out redundant and superfluous words, is the best option. The re-worded sentence is clearer, sharper – and cuts down on words by nearly two-thirds. 4 Academic Skills Advice service www.brad.ac.uk/academic-skills/ Example 4 Before After This essay attempts to evaluate the business model and e-strategy of web based business Amazon.com. The success of Amazon.com will be analysed through different services that it offers to customers specially focusing on their online book service and z shops. It is based on the mixed research of articles and literature obtained from different writers. Before embarking on an approach to analyse the business model, there is a need to explore the meaning of the business model. Paul Timmers (2000) has defined the business model as: “an architecture for product, service and information flows, including a description of the various business actors and their roles” (p.46). This essay will evaluate the business model and e-strategy of web based business Amazon.com and will focus on their online book service and z shops. Before analysing the business model, there is a need to explore its meaning, Timmers (2000) has defined the business model as: “an architecture for product, service and information flows…” (p.46). Although there are different kinds of business models, they have one thing in common: they are designed to make money for their owners. (78 words). Although there are different kinds of business models but they have all got one thing in common, they are designed to make money for their owners in the long run. (136 words) Comment A saving of over 40 per cent on the original word count can be made by a ruthless pruning of words, without loss of meaning. The original was also written in part in the passive voice: “This essay attempts to evaluate the business model… “etc. By changing to the active voice: “This essay will evaluate…” the result is more concise and direct. Quotations in assignments use many precious words! If you need to use quotations, think about the parts that are essential and cut out the rest. © Colin Neville. [email protected] 5 Academic Skills Advice service www.brad.ac.uk/academic-skills/