Download Everyone Deserves a Speeding Ticket

Everyone Deserves a
Speeding Ticket
Harold Burris
Saint Agnes Academy
9000 Bellaire Blvd
Houston, TX 77036
TPT Volume 31, January 1993 page 31 and 32
Imagine
It was March 3, 2003.
The alarm clock rang.
Oh my! you set it wrong, and if you
don’t hurry you will be late for
school.
Physics is your first period class
and you want to make a good
impression.
Imagine
You jump out of bed.
Pull on your clothes.
Run out and jump into the car.
And away you go.
Imagine
You look at your watch.
“I’m going to be late!”
Your foot gets heavier.
The accelerator goes down.
Your speed goes up.
And…
Imagine
You guessed it,
The Cuyahoga Falls fuzz
is right behind.
What do you do?
Your at a “crossroad” in your life.
You can either stop or run.
Imagine
Being the intelligent person I
know you are, you
do the intelligent thing and stop.
As you roll down your window
the police office informs you
that you were going 35 mi/hr
in a 25 mi/hr zone.
Imagine
The fine: $10 for each mi/hr
over the speed limit.
This brings the fine to
$100.
Imagine
You say, “I’ll be happy to pay the
fine, but hurry up, I don’t want to be
late for school.”
“But wait,” the police officer replies,
“I wish it were that simple.”
Imagine
“You see, our city council just
recently passed a law that requires
us to fine you for being on planet
Earth as it rotates on its axis!”
Imagine
“Here on planet Earth,
in the state of Ohio,
in the city of Cuyahoga Falls,
on Wyoga Lake Road,
you are traveling at precisely 783 mi/hr
as you rotate with the earth on its axis.
That brings your fine to
$7,580
Imagine
Again you say, “I’ll be happy to pay
the fine, but hurry up, I don’t want to
be late for school.”
“But wait,” the police officer replies,
“I wish it were that simple.”
Imagine
“You see, our city council just
recently passed a law that requires
us to fine you for the fact that you
are on the Earth, which is
revolving in its orbit around the
Sun!”
Imagine
“Here on planet Earth,
in the state of Ohio,
in the city of Cuyahoga Falls,
on Wyoga Lake Road,
you are traveling at precisely 66,646
mi/hr as you revolve in orbit about the
sun.”
That brings your fine to
$666,210.
Imagine
Again you say, “I’ll be happy to let
you have fifty percent of my salary
for the next 20 years, but just let me
get to school on time so I can
graduate and get a job to pay off this
crazy ticket.”
“But wait,” the police officer replies,
“I wish it were that simple.”
Imagine
“You see, our city council just
recently passed a law that requires
us to fine you for the fact that the
entire Solar System is moving
toward the star Vega in the
constellation of Lyra!”
Imagine
“Here on planet Earth,
in the state of Ohio,
in the city of Cuyahoga Falls,
on Wyoga Lake Road,
you are traveling at precisely 44,041
mi/hr as you are traveling towards the
constellation Lyra!”
That brings your fine to
$440,410.
Imagine
You are getting desperate. “Just let
me drive immediately to the police
station and begin work as a janitor in
order to pay the fine.”
“But wait,” the police officer replies,
“I wish it were that simple.”
Imagine
“You see, our city council just
recently passed a law that requires
a fine for the fact that you are part
of the Milky Way galaxy, which is
rotating about its axis.”
Imagine
“Here on planet Earth,
in the state of Ohio,
in the city of Cuyahoga Falls,
on Wyoga Lake Road,
you are traveling at precisely
558,925 mi/hr as the Milky Way
galaxy rotates about its axis.
That brings your fine to
$5,589,000.
Imagine
Your fines totals up to be:
$100
$7,580
$666,210
$440,410
$5,589,000
$6,703,300
Imagine
Your now free to go on to
school where you arrive too
late for the first period and
thus accumulate your first
tardy.
That’s all folks!