Download The Sentence (LINK)

Paul’s IDP: Practicum Fall 2013
From Face-toFace to Online:
Redesigning
English 102:
Writing with
Power and
Persuasion
1
IDP Reflection
1. How well did you conform to the Learning Contract (IDP)? Be specific. What did you say you would do and how did you do it?
I believe I satisfactorily fulfilled the objectives of my learning contract. However, two tasks (class design and grammar
backgrounder) proved somewhat overwhelming, and I did not develop the resources listing or evaluation plan section to the
extent that I had planned. I provided a focused list of resources that students could explore issues grammar and writing issues
on their own, but I did not include all that I planned. However, I am not sure if a larger list would be better. A longer list might
prove overwhelming and, in the desire to be comprehensive, I might end up including some resources of lower quality.
Consequently, I opted for a more focused and select selection.
2. What changes have you made in your IDP as a result of the feedback from your classmates and the teacher in Weeks 6 and 7?
Be specific, documenting your changes.
I made a number of changes to my IDP based on the comments of my colleagues and instructor. The comments focused on the
class design map and the grammar backgrounder.
I responded to three main recommendations for the map:
Redesigning the cover and organization to clarify order and reduce confusion
Reducing the number of tasks per module. Some reviewers thought the amount of work was excessive
Ensuring that the map will integrate properly with course materials and web pages to ensure consistency and clarity of
presentation.
I made extensive changes to the grammar backgrounder, because a number of comments focused on and the difficulty students
might have in finding the information they wanted in such a large document.
I made certain that the six main sections could stand alone. I created a hyperlinked table of contents for the entire document, as
well as hyperlinked tables of contents for each section to serve as kind of an index to each topic. I also added new sections to
group materials more successfully and broke up overly large sections into smaller ones. Adding the table of contents makes it
easier for students to view items separately and on different occasions.
I expanded the glossary and made it more prominent, added a section on resources, and rewrote passages that some reviewers
found confusing.
2
IDP Reflection
3. What might you have included in your IDP if you had more time?
If I had had more time, I would have expanded the resources and evaluation plan sections. I would have
redesigned the map as part of complete module plan to provide a more comprehensive perspective. In this way,
I could see how successfully the components worked with each other and were they sufficiently balanced. With
more time, I have redesigned the backgrounder as a series separate presentations. I would also avail myself of
other media, such as video and voiceover to appeal to the different learning styles of my students and make the
presentation more engaging.
4. What are the strong points of your IDP materials?
I think the backgrounder is comprehensive and engaging, and I believe students will find it entertaining,
memorable, and useful enough to be a valuable resource. I have tried to turn the stodgy study of grammar into
a more pleasurable activity. I believe that my class design addresses many of the issues students and writers
need to face, such as the volume of information and the degree of which much of it is misleading and poorly
sourced. I believe that my evaluation plan has some unique ideas, such as the creation of a small group of
students to communicate class concerns and discuss ways to improve the course.
5. What are the weak points of your IDP materials?
I think I have addressed most of the weaknesses; however, I know that the backgrounder is still too
cumbersome and needs to be better organized and enhanced with student needs in mind. I need to redesign all
four of my IDP deliverables to address access issue for people with disabilities. As I said, both the resources and
evaluation components need to be expanded.
3
IDP Reflection
6. How did the feedback from your colleagues help make your project better?
As evidenced by the changes made to the IDP, I was well served by the suggestions of the class and my
instructor. When I presented the first draft, there were some clear problems of organization and confusion. The
feedback enabled to make the components more understandable, easier to use, and more focused.
7. To whom did YOU give good feedback?
I think I gave good feedback to Mary Pat in regards to how she could improve the technological aspects of her
presentation to make it more professional and engaging. I also made suggestions about her personal
presentation on screen. I also think I gave Candace some valuable feedback on her rubric that would give
average students unsatisfactory of failing scores.
4
Table of Contents
1.
The IDP Promise (LINK)
2.
IDP Template
Task One: Course Design Map (LINK)
Task Two: Grammar Background (LINK)
Task Two B: Online Resource Guide(LINK)
Task Three: Learner Feedback Plan (LINK)
3.
Responses to Initial Feedback on Course Design Map (LINK)
4.
Revised Course Design Map (LINK)
5.
Responses to Initial Feedback on Grammar Backgrounder (LINK)
6.
Resources Inventory (LINK)
7.
Leaner Feedback Plan (Initial Draft) (LINK)
8.
Course Design Map Prepared for Class on the Sixties (LINK)
5
The Original IDP: The Promise
In several weeks, I will begin teaching my first online course, Composition 102,
which focuses on writing and culminates in a 10-page research paper. I have
taught the course face-to-face several times, and I am eager to teach it online. The
online course has already been designed, and I have little opportunity to put my
own stamp upon it. However, I decided to use the Practicum as an opportunity to
design the course as I would wish to teach it. Consequently, my IDP included four
elements that would be central to designing my own course:
• Design plan (class map)
• A backgrounder focusing on style and grammar
• A plan for ongoing course evaluation
• A list of course resources
These are essentially all new materials; however, they are based on projects that I
have done before. The design plan is similar to the one I prepared for ION
Instructional Design for Course Development Course (LINK). The backgrounder was
drawn, in part, from material that I have developed while teaching English 102.
However, it was significantly revised.
6
IDP Template Task 1: Design Map
Rubric Category
Specific Criteria. Details
from the QOCI.
Course Information—
Content: “A clear concise
1. Instructional list of modules and
activities that will be
Design
completed within each of
the course modules/
chapters/topics is
provided.”
What you are going to
change/create?
Design Map: I will create a
design map (similar to an
organization chart) of the
course I plan to teach. The map
will be a schematic that will
portray the introductory and
orientation material and each
of the 10-12 modules. (Since, I
have not developed the plan, I
am unsure about the number of
modules at this point.) The
initial pages will include
outlines of welcoming material
and information on the
instructor, communications
links and procedures, class
structure, interaction
opportunities, academic and
institutional support and
resources, and other material
as required. Each module will
include a description of the
module and lists of readings,
resources, assignments, and
reflection/evaluation
opportunities.
Pedagogical rationale. Why is this
important?
Evidence – How will a
reviewer know you have
accomplished this task? What
will we see?
It is especially important in online
teaching to have a clear, well-defined
plan for a course to ensure that it will
address specific goals and objectives
and focus on achieving defined
learning outcomes. My design map
will be a visual depiction of the course
week by week, module by module. I
will design my hypothetical map to
ensure that future students would be
I will create a design map and
able to understand the basic
post it as a PDF document.
components of the course, when
activities would occur, and what
would be expected of them. In
addition, a systematic representation
of the course’s approach to online
teaching would help my students and
me visualize how the course will meet
course objectives and deliver the
learning outcomes that would have
been identified in the course syllabus.
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Template Task 2: Grammar Backgrounder
Rubric Category
2. Learner and
Course
Resources
Specific Criteria.
Details from the
QOCI.
What you are going to
change/create?
Pedagogical rationale. Why is this important?
It has been my experience, as well as those of many of
my colleagues, that there are a handful of grammatical
problems common to many of our students. These
difficulties undercut the effectiveness and credibility of
their writing. By focusing on these problems in class, I
strive to help my students tackle these issues. I focus
on four problem areas: run-on sentences and comma
Grammar Backgrounder: I
splices, comma use, subject and verb agreement, and
will create an online
active versus passive voice. When students overcome
Academic Resources: grammar backgrounder that
these problems, their writing improves significantly.
“A list of academic will help students address
resources with links specific problems
Although they would study these issues in the regular
to the institution’s preventing them from
course of study, students would need to review these
library, tutoring
writing prose that is
materials and refresh their knowledge of particular
center, counseling grammatically and
grammar rules to develop their capacities to apply
services and other stylistically correct. The
them effectively and consistently.
resources is
backgrounder will use
provided.”
colorful graphics, occasional
My supplemental backgrounder would benefit my
animations, and humor to
students, because it would give them a single resource
eliminate some of the
for them to consult when they have a question or want
drudgery of learning correct
to review a grammar topic or rule
grammar.
Although there are numerous excellent resources
available online today, I believe a customized
backgrounder is necessary for the class, because it
would be personalized to their needs, designed to
attract and keep their attention, and address the issues
in entertaining ways. Students find many existing
resources dry and uninviting.
Evidence – How will a reviewer
know you have accomplished
this task? What will we see?
I will create a grammar
backgrounder and post it as a
Microsoft Word or PowerPoint
document.
8
IDP Template Task 2B: Online Guide
Rubric Category
Specific Criteria. Details
from the QOCI.
What you are going to
change/create?
Pedagogical rationale. Why is this
important?
Developing excellent research,
writing, and critical thinking and
reading skills is a lifelong occupation
that requires ongoing development
and practice. We cannot cover every
I will create an online guide to
aspect of good writing in the class.
help students find useful
Nor can we review many of the best
online and print resources on
research resources available in class.
writing and research. The
There is a pedagogical need for
guide will include descriptions
enabling and encouraging students
Academic Resources: “A
of books, websites, quizzes,
list of academic resources podcasts, and other material to avail themselves of the best
available resources to supplement
with links to the
that I have used personally
class material and to expand and
2B. Learner and institution’s library,
and/or reviewed for quality,
enhance their learning during the
Course Resources tutoring center, counseling usefulness, and accessibility.
class and after they complete the
services and other
The guide will also include
course.
resources is provided.”
descriptions of and links to
some of the best research
There are a number of valuable
resources (e.g. the U.S.
resources that students can find
Academies of Science, the
online, in their local library and
World Health Organization,
bookstore, and via online vendors
and the World Bank websites)
(e.g. Amazon). Given the multitude
available online.
of resources available, it can be
difficult to identify the best and
most useful of them. The guide will
help students find and obtain the
best and avoid the worst.
Evidence – How will a reviewer
know you have accomplished
this task? What will we see?
I will create a guide of useful
resources on writing, critical
reading and thinking,
grammar, and research. The
guide will include hyperlinks
when appropriate. I will post
the guide as a Microsoft Word
document.
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IDP Template Task 3: Class Evaluation Plan
Rubric Category
3. Course
Evaluation
Specific Criteria. Details from
the QOCI.
What you are going to
change/create?
Pedagogical rationale. Why is this
important?
Evidence – How will a reviewer
know you have accomplished
this task? What will we see?
I will create an evaluation plan to
encourage and collect ongoing
learner feedback. The plan will
be designed to enable me to gain
Given the absence of face-to-face
a clear understanding of the
interaction in online classes, instructors
students’ perceptions of the
cannot rely on some of the more
value of the learning experience,
traditional and immediate ways of
how well they feel they are
determining how well students
doing, how they believe the
understand the material and are
course can be improved, and how
making sufficient progress.
well they are meeting class
objectives and achieving learning
Consequently, it is critical that online
outcomes. The evaluation
“Opportunities for learner
instructors develop strategies to assess
strategy will include a variety of
feedback throughout the
and improve course content, teaching
course on issues surrounding tactics in order to ensure that
methods, assessment techniques, class

Students feel comfortable
I will develop and a
the course’s physical
interaction, and student learning.
enough
to
make
candid
comprehensive evaluation plan
structure . . . instructional
Course evaluations need to be done
and
useful
criticisms
and post it as a Microsoft Word
strategies . . . [and] on course
frequently and effectively to ensure

Evaluation
information
is
document.
content are provided.”
that students have numerous
gathered in time to allow
opportunities to raise concerns and
me to address student
recommend improvements and that
concerns and needs while
allow instructors to implement changes
adjustments can still be of
that address student criticism in a
benefit to current students
timely fashion. By completing a

Evaluation processes are
comprehensive evaluation strategy that
easy to use, facilitate
meets all of these requirements well
continual improvement,
before the first day of class, I would be
and provide students with
prepared to identify and respond to
a suitable number of
student concerns and needs quickly and
options for input
effectively during the course.

Provide enough data and
observations to permit
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ongoing transformation of
current and future courses.
Course Design Map: Feedback & Responses
Focus of Feedback
Feedback
Change
”I was confused by the initial hexagon which displays modules in correct
order that then inverts the order of activities from Final Paper to Power
and Persuasion.”
Design Issues
“ I liked the consistency of the hexagons(although something about those The Design Map cover was renested hexagons looked very 60's or maybe 70's to me, not that that's a designed in an effort to clarify order,
reduce confusion and provide a more
bad thing.”
contemporary look.
“I was confused by the initial hexagon which displays modules in correct
order that then inverts the order of activities from Final Paper to Power
and Persuasion. “
“I have to say, the course seemed like a lot of work to me.”
Student Assignment
Headings and
Work Load
Deliverables
“Sometimes a header is "Test", and sometimes it is "Take" - I would be
consistent.”
“Module 4 and after - are Create, Post and Respond and Write and Post
the same assignment or different?”
“Even though it was well organized I didn't like to have to scroll through
so much information to see what was required for the course. When I
take a course, one of the first things I like to do is to see all the
deliverables laid out so I can get a sense of how much work is entailed to
can begin to pace myself.”
I have reduced the number of tasks from
four per module to three. For the sake of
consistency and to reduce confusion, I
have replaced all the words “Test” with
“Take” and “Create” with “ Write.”
This is an excellent comment, and it
will be addressed. This document is
intended to go along with a calendar
and list of assignments and other
materials, which will resolve this
issue.
11
Revised Design Map—Cover
12
Revised Design Map—Introduction
13
Revised Design Map—Module One
14
Revised Design Map—Module Two
15
Revised Design Map—Module Three
16
Revised Design Map—Module Four
17
Revised Design Map—Module 5
18
Revised Design Map—Module 6
19
Revised Design Map—Module Seven
20
Revised Design Map—Module 8
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Grammar Backgrounder: Feedback & Responses
Focus of Feedback
Organization
Feedback
Change
”It's a hard document to review in this way because it was long and
dense. . . . I think you would have to stress to your students that they
should use this document as an index. If they sit down and try to read it
from start to finish, it begins to get frustrating because there are so
many detailed cases and examples and after a while they begin to
sound the same.”
I found these comments to be
particularly useful and have attempted
to address these concerns as fully as
possible. I created a hyperlinked table
of contents for the main sections and
hyperlinked tables of contents for each
section. I also added new sections to
break-up the material more
completely.
“This is a great deal of information that would benefit from a
hyperlinked table of contents so that students could pick and choose
topics of interest.”
“Perhaps the PPT could be broken up into a sequence of shorter PPTs to
help students stay focused on meaningful chunks of information. I
wondered whether an audio read-aloud button linked to a short MP3
file would help with lengthy texts and break-up the manner of
presentation.
Bullet points or numbering lists of examples might help students
understand the extent of information.”
“Center-Justified Rule Lists were confusing. I would further separate
grammar rules that are followed by examples in an outline format
rather than a paragraph format with parenthesis.
Design Considerations
“The background color on my computer is really dark and I had a hard
time seeing it.”
“I reached for my quilt template that identifies color contrast and the
light blue color choice against the teal blue was more difficult to read.
The white on royal blue was easy to read like a chalkboard. “
The main table of contents also serves
to clarify the purpose of each section to
enable to students to view them
separately and review them in not
particular order but according to
interest and need.
The presentation has a totally new design
scheme to address these concerns. First, I
redid all the font colors to ensure easier
reading. However, this was not sufficient.
Consequently, I did a lengthy re-design. I
also eliminated center-justified lists an
other changes for clarity. I rewrote and
added pages, added or replaced visuals,
and eliminated unnecessary text.
22
Grammar Backgrounder: Feedback & Responses
Focus of Feedback
Quality Control
Feedback
“There are numerous typos, or words that are left
out, and I began to write them down but gave up
after a while.”
“I found it ironic that some of the slides that were
copied from the OWL which were about using
punctuation to make yourself understood, were
themselves sometimes almost incomprehensible! “
Glossary
Suitability
Change
I realize there were typos and missing words. Responding
to all of these excellent suggestions has taken longer than
anticipated, and I am sure I have introduced new errors
and have missed ones. Consequently, we will continue to
look for errors and correct them. The Purdue OWL rules and
the “Bless the Coma” slide that preceded them have been
combined, because they were repetitive. I rewrote the
grammar rules in my own words and eliminated many of
the more technical rules listed in the OWL slides, which
proved more confusing to students than helpful. We
covered these more generally in “Bless the Comma.”
“The rules are essential and use controlled
vocabulary that suggests a glossary of terms
might be a useful study aid for background
knowledge or review. I wonder if a checklist of
key rules and examples on one page in a table
format as a separate handout would offer the
benefits of a cheat sheet or summary for review to
self-assess student writing.”
Actually, the original version had the beginnings of a glossary,
but it was not well developed nor was it prominent. (You had to
click on hyperlinked words to realize it was there.) I have made it
a separate section with its own title slide and put it in the table
of contents. I have also added new words to it. However, it
clearly needs to be expanded even further. Words in the text are
hyperlinked to the glossary. I will create separate handouts and
summary table either in the next version of the backgrounder or
later as we develop the backgrounder for classes. This will be a
never ending process of evolution and enhancement.
I must be honest and say that most images were
meaningful, clever, or thought provoking. But a
few I was not sure about, i.e. Finish Your Beer
There’s Sober Kids in India.
For the most part, the feedback has been positive regarding the
humor. However, I do agree with the remarks about the slide
about beer and India. (It is wrong on so many levels.) I also think
some of the attempts at humor have some overly pejorative
connotations (e.g. “He sure is ugly”), which should be and are
being reconsidered.
23
Grammar Backgrounder
English 102: Writing with Power and Persuasion
This overview of grammar, punctuation and style will help you write with greater clarity, accuracy and
power. You should be fully fluent with all of this material by the end of the course. To review the
PowerPoint effectively
• Please put the presentation into slide show mode (The numerous animations and many slides will
look like gibberish in in normal view)
• Left click your mouse to advance the slides. After you advance the slide, look out for the instruction
24
“Please Left Click” to launch animations.
Table of Contents (Main Sections)
1. The Sentence (LINK)
The sentence is the key component of all writing. Words are separate,
isolated entities until they are placed in understandable order in sentences,
which give logic and sense to all writing. Understanding how to write great
sentences is the basis of excellent writing.
2. Punctuation (LINK)
Good punctuation is necessary for clear communication. This section focuses
on the most common issue in punctuation. We focus on the comma, which
enables use to clarify what we are trying to say and eliminate confusion and
misunderstanding.
3. Common Errors (LINK)
Whether it is confusing words that sound alike (homonyms), such “to” and
“too” or “they’re,” “their” and “there”) or pronouns that do not have a clear
antecedent (the original word that they are intended to represent), there are
common mistakes that many writers make repeatedly. This section focuses
on avoiding committing bedeviling errors.
25
Table of Contents (Main Sections)
4. Proof, Proof, Proof (LINK)
Solid proofreading is the best tool for avoiding mistakes, typographical
errors, and embarrassment. In this section, you can find tips for becoming a
successful proofreader and easily enhance the quality of your writing.
5. Short, Sweet and Precise (LINK)
Writers should strive to be as precise, understandable, and to the point as
possible to ensure accuracy, brevity, and clarity. This section examines how
to avoid unnecessary words, redundancy, and colloquial terms and slang that
are inappropriate in a formal paper. It also looks at active and passive voice.
You should use active voice, because it is more direct, dynamic, and concise.
6. Resources for Writers (LINK)
A selection of books, websites and other resources that will enable you to up
your game and become a better writer.
7. Glossary (LINK)
The glossary is a place to refresh your memory about the meaning of some
key words. Many of the words in the text are hyperlinked to this glossary,
and each word is hyperlinked back to the page where it is first used.
26
Table of Contents
1.
The Sentence
Slide 5: The Sentence: The Key to Grammar LINK
Slides 6-7: Great Sentences LINK
Slide 8: The Anatomy of an almost Perfect Sentence LINK
Slide 9: Independent and Dependent Clauses LINK
Slide 10: Run-On Sentences LINK
Slides 11-12: Comma Splices LINK
Slide 13: Free the Preposition LINK
Slide 14: Pronoun Case LINK
Slide 15: Rules, Rules, Rules LINK
Slide 16: Subject—Verb Agreement LINK
Slide 17: Collective Nouns LINK
2.
Punctuation
Slide 21: Punctuation Makes a Difference (LINK)
Slides 22-23: Bless the Comma (LINK)
Slide 24: More on Parenthetical Expressions (LINK)
Slide 25: The Comma’s Identity Crisis (LINK)
Slide 26: A Comma—The Difference between Life and Death (LINK)
Slide 27: The Panda Eats Shoots and Leaves (LINK)
27
Punctuation: Table of Contents
2. Punctuation (Cont.)
Slide 28: Commas and Modifiers (LINK)
Slide 29: An Exercise on Commas (LINK)
Slide 30: The Dash (LINK)
Slides 31-33: The Hyphen and its Roles (LINK)
Slide 34-37: Conon-oscopy: Examining the Colon (LINK)
3. Common Errors
Slide 40: Headline Writer Headaches (LINK)
Slide 41: Can’t We just Get Along (LINK)
Slides 42-44: Common Errors (LINK)
Slide 45: To vs. Too (LINK)
Slides 46-47: Seven Special Rules to Live by in Formal (LINK)
Slide 48: Choose Words Wisely (LINK)
4. Proof, Proof, Proof
Slide 51: The Glaring Error (LINK)
Slide 52: Why We Proofread (LINK)
Slides 53: A Common—and Embarrassing—Error (LINK)
Slides 54-55: Proofreading Tips (LINK)
28
Proof, Proof, Proof: Table of Contents
5. Short, Sweet & Precise
Slide 58: The Experts Agree; Brevity is a Virtue in Writing (LINK)
Slide 59: Words to Avoid; Filler Words (LINK)
Slide 60: Don’t Double Team the Reader (LINK)
Slide 61: Words to Avoid: Colloquialisms (LINK)
Slide 62: Cutting Words Down to Size (LINK)
Slide 65-69: Active Voice vs. Passive Voice (LINK)
6. Resources (LINK)
7. Glossary (LINK)
29
PART 1—The Sentence
Understanding sentence structure is fundamental to great writing.
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation,
conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
30
The Sentence: Table of Contents
1. The Sentence
Slide 5: The Sentence: The Key to Grammar LINK
Slides 6-7: Great Sentences LINK
Slide 8: The Anatomy of an almost Perfect Sentence LINK
Slide 9: Independent and Dependent Clauses LINK
Slide 10: Run-On Sentences LINK
Slides 11-12: Comma Splices LINK
Slide 13: Free the Preposition LINK
Slide 14: Pronoun Case LINK
Slide 15: Rules, Rules, Rules LINK
Slide 16: Subject—Verb Agreement LINK
Slide 17: Collective Nouns LINK
31
The Key to Grammar
Focus on the Sentence and Integrating its Parts
“If one understands that a sentence is a structure of logical relationships and that
the number of relationships involved is finite, one understands too that there is
only one error to worry about, the error of being illogical and only one rule to
follow: make sure that every component of your sentences is related to the other
components in a way that is clear and unambiguous.”
Stanley Fish, How to Write a Sentence:
And How to Read One
32
Great Sentences
A great sentence communicates captures your attention, inducing you to
read on. These opening lines of exceptional novels all share the same trait.
After you read the first sentence, you cannot help but move on to the
second.
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.
George Orwell, 1984
Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía
was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to
discover ice.
Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude
It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the
Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York.
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
All this happened, more or less.
Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
33
Great Sentences, Part II
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
You better not never tell nobody but God.
Alice Walker, The Color Purple
Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board.
Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God
It was a pleasure to burn.
Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.
William Gibson, Neuromancer
I write this sitting in the kitchen sink.
Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle
34
The Anatomy of an Near Perfect Sentence
Please Left Click
Subject
Conjunction
Subject
Predicate
It was in the books while it was still in the sky.
John Updike (Quoted in Stanley Fish,
How to Write a Sentence: And How to Read One)
Predicate
Stanley Fish sees this as an almost perfect sentence. Written by John Updike, it
describes what it was like to see baseball Hall of Famer Ted Williams hit a home run in
his last at bat in Fenway Park. According to Fish, “The fulcrum of the sentence is
‘while.’” One side of the pivot point is a metaphor: this moment will be described “in
the book” before it hits the ground. On the other side, the ball “was still in the sky” in
three senses. It has “not yet landed,” “its motion is arrested,” and it will “remain
forever, in the sky of the books, in the record of the game’s highest, most soaring
achievements.” With the two clauses balancing on the word “while,” the sentence
35
epitomizes how this memorable moment instantly became frozen in the memory of the
writer and the history of baseball.
Fish, Stanley (2011-01-25). How to Write a Sentence: And How to Read One
(Kindle Locations 167-173). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
Independent and Dependent Clauses
An independent clause is a group of words that contains a subject and a
predicate and expresses a complete thought.
“Grandpa Jody knows how to rap.”
A dependent clause is a group of words that contains a subject and verb but
does not express a complete thought.
“When Grandpa Jody raps”
It is essential to be able to recognize the difference between independent
and dependent clauses, because you can make serious grammatical errors if
you do not. Purdue Online Writing Lab has an excellent fact sheet on the
topic. It also has a very short exercise. Use the exercise to make sure you
understand the concept.
36
Run-On Sentences
What is a run-on sentence?
A run-on sentence has two or more independent clauses without
proper punctuation. For example,
He wears his silly costume everywhere he thinks he’s Iron Man.
“How do you fix a run-on sentence?”
It depends on what you want to say (see table).
Punctuate to Indicate the Connection between the Two Thoughts
Use a period to separate thoughts He wears his silly costume everywhere. He thinks he’s Iron Man.
Use a semi-colon to link the ideas
Use a conjunction with comma to
indicate
He wears his silly costume everywhere; he thinks he’s Iron Man.
Causality
He wears his silly costume everywhere, because he thinks he’s Iron Man.
Clarification
He wears his silly costume everywhere, but not when he goes to work.
Time
Use a semi-colon and adverbial
conjunction for variety
He wears his silly costume everywhere, even during his early morning jog.
He wears his silly Iron Man costume everywhere; however, he is harmless.
37
The Comma Splice
Please Left Click
The comma splice is
all too common.

and
38
The Comma Splice
What is a comma splice?
A sentence that has two or more independent clauses with a comma but not a
conjunction is a comma splice. For example,
He slept until noon every day, he goes to bed early.
How do you fix a comma splice?
It depends on what you want to say (see table).
Punctuate to Indicate the Connection between the Two Thoughts
Use a period to separate the thoughts
He sleeps until noon every day. He goes to bed early.
Use a semi-colon to link the ideas
He sleeps until noon every day; he goes to bed early.
Use a conjunction and comma to
Emphasize causality
He sleeps until noon every day, because he has narcolepsy.
Provide clarification
He sleeps until noon every day, except when he get his paycheck.
Indicate time
Use a semi-colon and adverbial
conjunction
He sleeps until noon every day, and goes to bed early every night.
He sleeps until noon every day; nonetheless, he goes to bed early.
39
Free the Preposition!
Never end a sentence with a preposition?
This is an outdated rule that was based on a old view of Latin usage. If we
insist on this construction, our language will become clumsier. Sometimes,
ending a sentence with a preposition can be elegant (see below).
“We are the ones we have been waiting for.”
This is much better than the “correct” version.
“We are the ones for whom we have been waiting .”
A Relevant Conversation
Old-Fashioned Grammarian: “Ouch!”
Hip Grammarian:
“Are you hurt? What did you step on?”
Old-Fashioned Grammarian: “Never end a sentence with a
preposition. You should say on what did
you step?”
Hip Grammarian:
“Ok, What did you step on, IDIOT?”
40
Pronoun Case
Three Cases: Subjective, Objective, and Possessive.
Pronouns in the subjective case act as subjects.
I, you, he, she, we, they, it, who
Pronouns in the objective case act as direct objects, indirect objects, and
objects of prepositions.
me, you, him, her, us, them, who
Pronouns in the possessive case indicate ownership adjectives.
my, mine, your, yours, his, her, hers, it, its, our, ours,
their, theirs, whose
For Example,
I grabbed my book from off the desk, because it belonged to me, but
Sheldon and Thad snatched it from me, because they said it was theirs.
41
Rules, Rules, Rules
Is it who or whom?
Use "who" and "whoever" as subject pronouns, for
example
“Knock, knock.”
“Who's there?”
“Please hold.”
“Please hold whom.”
“Your knock is important to me and will be answered in the
order it was knocked.”
Use "whom" and "whomever" as object pronouns.
For example
“To whom it may concern, I will all my worldly
possession to my dearest friend, my poodle Jezebel.”
42
Subject-Verb Agreement
Do not Confuse the Subject with the Object of the Preposition
Prepositional phrases
Preposition [e.g. "of," "at," and "in“] + Object [noun or pronoun]
Please Left Click
"Each of them is distinct."
Subject
Verb
Object
"The suggestions in his proposal have merit."
43
Collective Nouns
Collective Nouns are Singular . . . Most of the time
Everyone knows your family is dysfunctional.
Nearly 25% of the population is Muslim.
But Sometimes . . .
A singular collective noun expresses a plural idea and needs a plural verb.
Our staff work hard to meet their goals and deadlines.
The orchestra are tuning their instruments.
The cast have been practicing their lines.
Common Collective Nouns
Army
Audience
Board
Cabinet
Class
Committee
Company
Corporation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGMJtog25eI
Council
Department
Faculty
Family
Firm
Group
Jury
Majority
Minority
Navy
Public
School
Senate
Society
Team
Troupe
44
PART 2: Punctuation
I bet the dishes are not too clean either.
45
Punctuation: Table of Contents
2. Punctuation
Slide 21: Punctuation Makes a Difference (LINK)
Slides 22-23: Bless the Comma (LINK)
Slide 24: More on Parenthetical Expressions (LINK)
Slide 25: The Comma’s Identity Crisis (LINK)
Slide 26: A Comma—The Difference between Life and Death (LINK)
Slide 27: The Panda Eats Shoots and Leaves (LINK)
Slide 28: Commas and Modifiers (LINK)
Slide 29: An Exercise on Commas—What is wrong with these
sentences? (LINK)
Slide 30: The Dash (LINK)
Slides 31-33: The Hyphen and its Roles (LINK)
Slide 34-37: Conon-oscopy: Examining the Colon (LINK)
46
Punctuation Makes a Difference.
A woman without
her man is nothing.
A woman: without her,
man is nothing.
47
Bless the Comma
The Comma, Agent of Clarification
We would be lost without the comma, which enables us to provide unambiguous
communication by
Marking off sequences of words and phrases or words where there are no conjunctions or only
a final conjunction. For example,
“During Thanksgiving dinner, Mark managed to enrage his mother, father, both sisters, his
brother, Aunt Flo, Uncle Linus, Father Jim, and the next-door neighbor.”
Introducing quotations
“She said, ‘Some village is missing its idiot.’”
Clarifying meaning and preventing ambiguity. Without the comma for example, we would
assume Huey, Dewey, and Louie were not Donald Duck’s nephews, but three other cabinet
members:
“I had a horrible dream that Donald Trump was president and he named Rush Limbaugh, Mr.
Ed, Donald Duck’s nephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie,
And the Three Stooges to his cabinet.”
Preventing run-on sentences by separating two independent clauses when used with
conjunctions. For example,
“Hate the sin, but love the sinner.”
48
Bless the Comma (continued)
The Comma, Agent of Clarification
Separating two or more adjectives that describe the same noun. For example,
“My mean-spirited, vicious, ignorant, bigoted friend is a great guy.”
Indicating distinct pauses or shifts in tone. For example,
“Call me a cab.” “Ok you’re a cab, stupid twit.”
Setting parenthetical expressions apart from the rest of the sentence. For example,
“She, beautiful and aloof, walk toward me, and I, trembling and pale, ran away.”
“Nancy waved enthusiastically at the docking ship, laughing joyously.”
“If you are the smartest person you know, you must hang with a pretty dumb crowd.”
Setting off long propositional phrases (4 words or more)
“In the heat of the moment, he swore angrily.”
49
More on Parenthetical Expressions
What is a parenthetical expression?
A parenthetical expression is a phrase that is not central to the main idea of the
sentence. We pause when we speak these phrases and use commas when we write
them. They are to
Add unnecessary, but useful information.
“Kristen Stewart used to be my favorite actress, but Jennifer Lawrence, the
winner of the Academy Award for Best Actress in 2013, is my favorite one now.”
Provide clarifying information
“The student over there, the one wearing the top hat and tails, made
a very strange comment about the party.”
Introduce a sentence
After the movie, I tried to give her a kiss, but she burst out laughing.
While he was not as ugly as she said, he sure was ugly.
Words that begin introductory, parenthetical clauses include
after, although, as, because, if, since, when, and while
50
Please Left Click
The Comma’s Identity Crisis
Use a comma only if the name or phrase is the only one of its kind.
Cecelia saw the movie, Catching Fire, with her friend, Sabrina.
Use comma if Taken 2 is the
only movie in the world.
Use comma if Sabrina
is Cecelia’s only friend.
Cecelia saw the movie Taken 2 with her friend Sabrina.
Cecelia saw her favorite movie, Taken 2, with her oddest friend, Sabrina.
When the words “a,” “an” or “some,” or a number, come before the description or
identification of a name, use a comma.
Cecelia saw a movie, Taken 2, with three friends, Sabrina, Philicia, and Denitia.
51
A Comma: the Difference between Life and Death
Please Left Click
Let’s eat,grandma!
She is so sweet!
Remove the
comma
And you
change the
meaning
52
Please Left Click
The panda eats,shoots and leaves.
It’s this without
a comma
Add a comma . . .
And it’s this
Thanks to Lynne Truss for this classic example of
the misplaced comma and her wonderful book
Eats Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance
Approach to Punctuation.
53
Commas and Modifiers
Use commas to separate two or more coordinate adjectives that describe the same
noun. Do not add an extra comma between the final adjective and the noun itself or
to use commas with non-coordinate adjectives or an adverb and the adjective it
modifies.
If you can put “and” between the adjectives or reverse the order of the adjectives
and the sentence would still make sense, you have coordinative adjectives and you
should use commas. The same rule applies when you have and adverb and an
adjective.
Reverse the order or add and. These still make sense.
He took a swim in the polluted, gray-green water.
He took a swim in the polluted and gray-green water.
He took a swim in the gray-green, polluted water
A
Special
Tip
But not these
He is a fiercely loyal friend.
He is a fiercely and loyal friend. (!)
He is a loyal fiercely friend.(!)
54
What Is Wrong with these Sentences?
Please Left Click
Review these sentences to determine the
problem. Left click for the answers.
,
My father, who gave new meaning to the expression hard working
never took a vacation.
,
Although the weather was bitter cold he still walked the ten miles to
her house.
,
Philip Roth, author of “Portnoy’s Complaint” and many other books is a
perennial contender for the Nobel Prize.
, way they’ve been playing, the team will be lucky to survive the
“The
first round,” the coach, said “I’m just hoping someone gets a hot hand.”
.
;
,
He is a fine person however I can’t stand him.
55
The Dash
A dash can be more effective than a comma— so, say the experts.
He was worse than a provincial, he was parochial.
He was worse than a provincial—he was parochial.
Henry James on David Thoreau
Each person is born to one possession which outvalues all his others: his last breath.
Each person is born to one possession which outvalues all his others—his last breath.
Mark Twain
Thirty: the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a
thinning briefcase of enthusiasm, thinning hair.
Thirty—the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a
thinning briefcase of enthusiasm, thinning hair.
F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
56
The Hyphen
The Evolution of Compound Words
Some compound nouns remain two words, some use hyphens, and some are
merged into one. There is no set rule. So, when in doubt, look it up!
Was
Became
Is Now
Leap Frog
Leap-Frog
Leapfrog
Pot-Belly
Pot-Belly
Pot Belly
Hyphenating Adjectives
The general rule–hyphenate between two or more adjectives when they come before a
noun and act as a single idea and when necessary to avoid confusion. For example,
Pot-bellied man
Long-haired composer
Long-term relationship
Why?
Dirty-magazine rack vs. Dirty magazine rack
Two-week sessions vs. Two week sessions
A
Special
Tip
If you can put an “and” between the two words, do not use a hyphen.
Pistol-packing mama (not pistol and packing mama)
Bloody-minded mama (not bloody and minded mama)
57
The Hyphen Part 2
Hyphenating Adverbs
The general rule: When adverbs not ending in “ly” are used as compound words in front of a
noun, hyphenate. For example,
Well-known actress
Beady-eyed neighbor
Fine-tuned guitar
When the combination of words is used after the noun, do not hyphenate. For example,
“The neighbor gave me the creeps when he stared at me with his beady eyes.”
Do not hyphenate adverbs end in “ly” (If the word ends in “ly,” it is obviously an adverb and
no clarification is required.) For example,
Rarely sung anthem
Wickedly dressed Goth
Carefully phrased request
For example,
The wickedly dressed Goth beckoned me from across the room, scaring the hell out of me.
When the provocatively clothed beauty slinked across the room, I felt terror and joy, but my dream
collapsed when she embraced the man standing two feet in front of me
Use Hyphens for
Numbers over twenty when written out: twenty-three. For example,
Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I’m sixty-four.
Proper nouns when adding a prefix. For example,
Anti-American Un-American
Pre-Cambrian
58
More Roles for Hyphens
Use hyphens for
Prefixes of one letter
X-ray B-team T-shirt
F-troop
X-men
R-rated movie
The prefixes ex, all, self and sometimes cross
ex-wife, all-knowing, self-actuated, cross-reference
Words in which prefixes end in A and I and the root word begins with the same letter.
semi-conscious ultra-orthodox quasi-instruction ultra-ambitious anti-intellectual
This is sometimes true with the E, O, and U, but check if you are unsure.
co-op, co-conspirator, co-equal (but not coordinator or cooperation) de-emphasize
However, the following prefixes rarely need hyphens: non, un, in, dis, co, anti, hyper, pre,
re, post, out, bi, counter, de, semi, mis, mega, micro, inter, over, and under
nonemergency, unstable, inpatient, disorder, coworker, antimatter, hyperactive, prejudge,
reoccur, outmoded, bimonthly, counterculture, decompress, semiannual, misjudge,
microphone, interconnected, override, underestimate
Use Hyphens with prefix when not to do so would cause confusion
re-cover vs. recover (I will re-cover the sofa when I recover from my hangover.)
re-lease vs. release (I will re-lease the apartment when they release me from prison.
59
Colon-oscopy: Examining the Colon
Rule One—A colon always follows an independent clause. For example,
Correct: Please pack the following for our camping trip: “Cristal, Maybach,
diamonds on your timepiece, jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash.”
Incorrect: Please pack: “Cristal, Maybach, diamonds on your timepiece, jet
planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash.”*
A
Special
Replace the colon with “namely.” If the sentence still
Tip
make sense, the colon is the right choice. For example,
Your new boyfriend is vey nice, except he has a few minor flaws: egotism,
nastiness, offensiveness, ignorance, slovenliness, chauvinism, stinginess,
greediness, and viciousness.
Your new boyfriend is vey nice, except he has a few minor flaws, namely egotism,
nastiness, offensiveness, ignorance, slovenliness, chauvinism, stinginess,
greediness, and viciousness.
* Lorde
60
Colons and Lists
Rule One: The rules for colons are the same when used in bullets.
Of course, you would be a good couple, because you have so many
complementary, endearing qualities:
• Extreme vanity
An independent
• Unrivaled egocentricity
clause requires
• Extraordinary nastiness
a colon.
• Unparalleled narcissism
Of course, you would be a good couple, because of your
• Extreme vanity
• Unrivaled egocentricity
• Extraordinary nastiness
• Unparalleled narcissism
Don’t use a
colon following
a dependent
clause.
61
Silver Bullets and Numbers
Rule Two—The rules for colons are the same when used in lists:
Of course, you would be a good couple, because you
have so many complementary qualities:
• Your nastiness is extraordinary.
• Your narcissism is unbelievably extreme.
• Your vanity knows no bounds.
• Your egocentricity is remarkable in its intensity.
Use terminal
punctuation if your
bullets are sentences
Of course, you would be a good couple, because of your
• extraordinary nastiness
• extreme vanity
If bullets are not
• unparalleled narcissism
sentences, choose one
• unrivaled egocentricity
or the other. However,
no end punctuation is
more readable.
If the bullet is a sentence,
capitalize the first letter of the
bullet. If it is not, it is your choice.
62
Bullets: Order and Parallelism
Rule Three—Use numbers if the sequence is important
How to unlock my front door
1. Remove the padlock to the chain attaching the security bars to
the iron railing.
2. Unlock the security bars using the three different keys for the
three locks.
3. Remove the security bars.
4. Unlock the six locks on the front door.
5. Take out the steak from your pocket.
6. Open the front door.
7. Show the two pit bulls and the three Dobermans the steak before
throwing it as far from the stairs as possible.
8. Run up the stairs and into the bedroom as if your life depended
on it, because, in fact, it does.
9. Slam the bedroom door shut and block the door with the dresser.
Rule Four—Make sure your clauses
parallel (all verbs, nouns, infinitives, etc.
The bullets above all begin with verbs.
63
PART 3—Common Errors
Avoid grammatical errors if you do not want to
give people the wrong impression
64
Common Errors: Table of Contents
3. Common Errors
Slide 40: Headline Writer Headaches (LINK)
Slide 41: Can’t We just Get Along (LINK)
Slides 42-44: Common Errors (LINK)
Slide 45: To vs. Too (LINK)
Slides 46-47: Seven Special Rules to Live by in Formal (LINK)
Slide 48: Choose Words Wisely (LINK)
65
Headline Writer Headaches
Actual Headlines Found by the
Columbia Journalism Review
Escaped wallaby caught using huge fishing net
Man who stopped breathing in police car dies
Mother arrested after drowning
173 animals seized; 2 face cruelty charges
La. Chimpanzees get pregnant despite vasectomies
Soccer-Mom madam cools her heels in Rider’s, but will her
clients get off?
Shark bites land surfer in hospital
Afghanistan: U.S. pays $50,000 per killing to massacre families
In Three Rivers, community and family bore a hero
1 million get shot to save on loans
66
Can’t We Just Get Along?
Subject-Verb Agreement: The Simples Rule of All
Singular nouns take singular verbs and plural nouns take plural verbs.
I am skipping class to party.
We are skipping class to party.
Please Left Click
But . . .
is skipping class to party.
Everyone are
__
Everyone and everybody are singular nouns and take singular verbs
Everyone is skipping class to party.
So are anyone, anybody, no one, and nobody
It is too bad that no one is skipping class to party.
67
Please Left Click
Common Errors
Their They’re There are common errors that will loose lose
you points if you use them. Many of your you’re you are going
to make them. Its It’s a big problem and could effect affect
your future more than you’re your grade.
Confusing
Words
Correct Usage
Their, They’re,
There
Their stupidity is legendary. They’re lost in the funhouse. There
they go again.
Lose, Loose
You will lose the debate, because you are loose with the facts.
Its, It’s
It’s a pity that the car stopped running. Its tank is empty.
Effect, Affect
That’s an effect of the drug. By killing brain cells, the drug will
make you dumber,
Than
I am taller than her.
Then
In 50 years, Chicago will be hotter than New Orleans is today,
but I will be gone by then.
68
More Common Errors
More Confusing Words
LAY
DOWN!
It’s lie
down,
stupid!
Either or
Either she will attend or I will.
Neither nor
Neither Mary nor Jane like me.
For
I have not slept for three days.
Since
I have not slept since Monday
Lay
Lay your head on the pillow.
Lie
Lie on the bed until you’re
sober.
Lay versus Lie
Lay means to put something down. As a transitive verb,
it needs a direct object to follow it. For example,
Jane lay the blanket on her sleeping husband.
Lie means to rest or recline. It is an intransitive verb;
consequently, it does not require a direct object:
Jane’s husband lies on the couch when she is not looking
69
Please Left Click
More Common Errors
1. Missing comma after introductory element.
By the time I got out of bed˄it was well past noon.
,
2. Vague pronoun reference
Although the motorcycle hit the tree, it was not damaged. (Is "it" the
motorcycle or the tree?)
Is it the tree or
the motorcycle?
I don't think they should show violence on TV.
Who are they?
3. Wrong word
Listening to the professors lectures, I was sedentary
sedated for a long time.
4. Wrong or missing preposition.
Will you accept that it is time of
for change.
Left Click Once
Left Click Once
70
To vs. Too
• Too means also or as well (“She loves me too”) or in excess
(“She loves you too much”).
• To is a preposition (“Send it to her”) or part of the infinitive
form of a verb (“I want to send her a letter”).
Too Many Cooks
Too Much Homework
Too Much Makeup
71
Seven Special Rules to Live by in
Formal Writing
Rule I: No Contractions!
Rule 2: No Slang
Rule 3: No Sentence Fragments
Rule 4: No Run-On Sentences or Comma Splices
Rule 5: No Papers with No Paragraphs
Rule 6: No Plagiarism
72
Rule 7: Then, Then, Then . . .
Rule 7: Do not overuse the word “then”
The Day After: A Brief Play
INT. HALL OF APARTMENT – MORNING
Bored POLICE OFFICER pounds of door to Apartment 666. A bedraggled, weary young MAN
answers the door.
MAN
Is there something wrong, officer?
OFFICER
Where were you on Saturday, January 1, 2013
MAN
After I woke up at 4:00 PM, I spent an hour trying to remember what happened the night
before, then I called my girlfriend and apologized, then I searched for my car for a couple of
hours, then I went to the police station to pay my fine, and then I went to my favorite bar to
relax. Then they told me they would have me arrested if I ever show-up there again. Then I
went home, and then I went back to bed.
73
Choose Words Wisely
Don’t Assume that your reader thinks like you. Be sensitive
to educational, linguistic and cultural differences.
“Sophistication of thought deals in the realm of
abstraction, but sophistication of writing is
achieved through supporting those abstractions
with concrete . . . if the writer says the woman
was dressed in common attire, the reader's
impression of the character is not as strong, and
the audience will be free to interpret the writer's
meaning in ways.”
Jan Streever
74
PART 4: Proof, Proof, Proof
The easiest way to make an error is to fail to
proof your text carefully and multiple times.
75
Proof, Proof, Proof: Table of Contents
4. Proof, Proof, Proof
Slide 51: The Glaring Error (LINK)
Slide 52: Why We Proofread (LINK)
Slides 53: One of the Most Common—and Embarrassing—Errors of All (LINK)
Slides 54-55: Proofreading Tips (LINK)
76
Avoiding the Glaring Error
Is there anything worse than putting your heart and soul into a
report and, as you hand it in, you see a dumb mistake—a typo in the
title, a repeated paragraph, or a stupid grammatical error? A flaw
like that is a bird dropping on a freshly waxed car, a pimple on the
tip of your nose on the day of the big date, or graffiti on a
masterpiece by Renoir:
Please Left Click
77
Please Left Click
Why We Proofread
78
Please Left Click
One of the Most Common—and
Embarrassing–Errors of All
(Trust me, I have seen it in numerous prestigious publications. A close
friend noticed she had made this error after 70,000 high-quality brochures
for the Chicago Orchestra had been mailed.)
˄
l
79
Proofreading Tips
1. Cultivate a healthy sense of doubt. If there are types of errors you
know you tend to make, double check for those.
2. Read very slowly. If possible, read out loud. Read one word at a
time.
3. Try to read what is actually on the Slides, not what you think is
there.
4. Proofread more than once. If possible, work with someone else.
5. Read backwards from the last sentence working forward.
6. Most people proof a printed copy better than on the computer, but
you may do better looking at the computer screen. Choose what is
best for you. Better yet, proof in both mediums.
7. Let your work sit for a while before you proofread it. If possible,
leave it sit overnight
8. Remember, many errors are introduced during the correcting
process, so be careful when editing your copy.
A
Special
Tip
80
More Proofreading Tips
1. Faulty information from the kinesthetic (body) memory can cause you to make
errors. Consequently, if you have always misspelled a word like "accommodate“
or tomorrow, you will probably unthinkingly misspell it again.
2. Your mind works far faster than the pen, and a split second of inattention will
lead to an error. Stay focused!
3. Reformat your document to trick your brain into looking at it as a fresh
document. You can change the document to landscape view, increase font size
or color, or use an unfamiliar typeface.
4. Find a “clean, well-lighted place” in which to work where there are the fewest
distractions possible.
5. Give yourself plenty of time to proofread. It should be part of project planning.
Don’t wait until you are on the bus on the way to class.
6. If you think you will make a mistake, you will.
A
Special
Tip81
PART 5—Short, Sweet & Precise
Avoid excess—Be Direct—Be Brief—Be Done
82
Short, Sweet & Precise: Table of Contents
5. Short, Sweet & Precise
Slide 58: The Experts Agree; Brevity is a Virtue in Writing (LINK)
Slide 59: Words to Avoid; Filler Words (LINK)
Slide 60: Don’t Double Team the Reader (LINK)
Slide 61: Words to Avoid: Colloquialisms (LINK)
Slide 62: Cutting Words Down to Size (Surgery for Sentences
Animation) (LINK)
Slide 65-69: Active Voice vs. Passive Voice (LINK)
83
The Experts Agree
Brevity Is a Virtue in Writing
I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it
shorter.
Blaise Pascal
I have already made this paper too long, for which I must crave pardon, not
having now time to make it shorter.
Benjamin Franklin
You’ll have to excuse my lengthiness—the reason I dread writing letters is
because I am so apt to get to slinging wisdom & forget to let up. Thus much
precious time is lost.
Mark Twain
It depends. If I am to speak ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; if
fifteen minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready
now.
President Woodrow Wilson
If I had my time to go over again, I would make my sermons much shorter, for I
am conscious they have been too wordy.
84
Martin Luther
Words to Avoid: Filler Words
Filler words are the linguistic equivalent of verbal sounds, such as “umm.”
They fill space, but do not add to the conversation.
Basically can be used at the beginning of sentence on occasion, but is not
recommended. Do not use within a sentence where it is usually irrelevant.
“He is basically a toad.”
Even is often used in a series, but it is not needed and usually extraneous.
“My uncle showed up at my door in his pajamas, robe, and even Superman slippers.”
Just is often used as an alternative to basically and is not very useful.
“When complaining to the professor, just don’t lose your temper.”
Well appears at the front of a sentence that follows a question.
“Why are you so ugly?” “Well, I was born this way.”
For all Intents and purposes are five words looking for a good home,
but shut the door on them.
For all intents and purposes, this sentence is too long.
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Don’t Double Team the Reader
Avoid using two words that mean the same thing.
Please Left Click
FUTURE
FREE
LARGER
END
PAST
TRUE
FACTS
IN
SIZE
HISTORY
RESULT
PLANS
GIFT
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Words to Avoid: Colloquialisms
Colloquial words and expressions are appropriate for informal
speech. However, they are unsuitable in formal writing, and some
readers find them to be off-putting.
A lot: Use several, countless, many, and similar words of instead. [The misspelling
of a lot (allot or alot) is two mistakes in one].
Alright: Neither this union of two words (all right) nor its twin, okay, is OK (nor is
OK).
Could of, would of, should of: You should have used could have, would have, or
should have if you wanted a good grade.
Kinda, kind of: When you use these words to replace “somewhat” or “rather,” you
kinda sound dumb. Sorta and sort of is no better.
Use Like instead of “as if", "similar to", or "such as", if you want to sound like a
Valley Girl trapped in the 1980s. If not, don’t use it.
Very is a weak word and should be used sparingly, but NEVER use its feebler friends
pretty and really.
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Before
Please Left Click
After
Cutting Words Down to Size
The Power of Subtraction and Concision
This animation demonstrates how to perform surgery on weak
sentences to make them active and more effective. This animation
takes some time to develop, so hesitate before trying to advance the
slide. The last animation ends with an only 12 words.
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A Perfectly Fine Sentence . . . That Could Be Better . . . Let’s get it in shape
A Simple Cure: Remove Excess Words and Passive Verbs
Step 1: Find the verbs.
Are they active or passive?
Step 2: Eliminate passive verbs.
Step 3: Where does the action
occur in the sentence?
Is it a verb or noun?
Step 4: Replace the static noun
with an active verb.
˄
This animation demonstrates
demonstrates
˄
In effective
this animation
is a to
an
approach
demonstration
of an effective
writing convincing
approach
writingprose
prose .that
and to
concise
is convincing and concise.˄
Let’s Compare
Sentences
Step Six: Remove all words no
Step Five: Eliminate need for “that is” by
Step Seven: Pull it all together
longer required.
moving the noun to follow the two
adjectives that modify it.
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The Original Sentence
In this animation is a demonstration of an effective
approach to writing prose that is convincing and concise.
A Sentence of 18 Words
The Revised Sentence
with the passive verbs and unnecessary words removed
This animation demonstrates an effective approach to
writing convincing and concise prose .
-
Compelling
Convincing
Convincing, Concise, and Conclusive
Conclusive
And only 12 Words
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Active Voice vs. Passive Voice
Active Voice
The subject performs the action denoted by the verb. For example,
“I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.”
“He took me to the cleaners”
“Who’s going to run this town tonight?”
“I love you!”*
Passive Voice
The subject is being acted upon by the action denoted by the verb.
The sheriff was shot by me, but the deputy was not shot by me.
I was taken to the cleaners by him.
Please Left Click
This town is going to be run tonight by whom?
“You are loved by me.”*
*Note: In the active form, you feel obligated to use and
exclamation point. In the passive version , you do not.
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More Examples of Passive Voice
Passive: “There is a considerable range of expertise demonstrated by
hackers.”
Passive: “It was determined by the officer that I would be arrested
immediately.”
Passive: “My car could have been kept by me if the trivia question on
the color of the Green Giant had been answered correctly by me.”
Passive: “In psychotherapy, participants are helped by the other
participants to realize that most of their problems are shared by others.”
Passive: “Reality shows are believed by me to be the most unreal
programs developed by TV producers.”
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Four Reasons for Passive Sentences
1. Lawyers use it to hide the identity of the person committing the action
The body was pulled from the room.
Left Click Once
2. When we do not know who or what
committed the action.
My car has been stolen.
Who has been eating my porridge?
3. To make the object of the verb more
important than the subject of the sentence.
President Kennedy was killed by Lee Harvey
Oswald.
He was killed with a gun.
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Five Reasons for Passive Sentences (cont.)
4. When the subject of the sentence is so long or complex that
the reader will be long delayed in reaching the verb, then the
writer may choose to place the verb before the subject.
Acceptable Active Formulation:
The committee reports, the floor debates, the presidential
statement, and the administrative agency's interpretive guidance
mandate the statutory interpretation we have chosen.
Acceptable Passive Formulation:
The statutory interpretation we have chosen is mandated by the
committee reports, the floor debates, the presidential statement,
and the administrative agency's interpretive guidance.
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Five Reasons for Passive Sentences (cont.)
5. Scientists and scholars often use passive voice because,
because they believe it sounds more objective. Writers do
not have to use personal pronouns of research names, and
conclusions can presented without appearing to be biased.
Passive Formulation:
The drug was proven to be effective when the larger dose
was administered. However, more negative side effects
were experienced by the patients.
Active Formulation:
Researchers proved the drug was more effective when
they administered a larger dose. However, patients
experienced more negative side effects.
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PART 6: Resources for
Writers
(Link to resources)
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Resources for Writers
This is a very select list of the best online and print resources you can use to
support and enhance your writing.
Handbooks and Style Guides
The Associated Press Stylebook LINK
The Chicago Manual of Style LINK
The Modern Language Association Handbook (at Purdue Owl) LINK
William Strunk, Jr., The Elements of Style LINK
References
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary LINK
Online Etymology Dictionary LINK
Rodale, J. J., The Synonym Finder LINK
Online Grammar Courses
“HyperGrammar,” The University of Ottawa LINK
Technical Writing
“Writing Guideline for Engineering and Science Students Penn State University LINK
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Resources for Writers
Popular Grammar and Writing Websites
“The Center for Writing Studies: Grammar Handbook,” University of Illinois at UrbanChampaign LINK
Fogarty, Mignon, “Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tricks,” “Friendly guide to the world of
grammar, punctuation, usage, and fun developments in the English language.” LINK
Nordquist, Richard, “About.com Grammar & Composition,” LINK
The Purdue Online Writing Lab LINK
Simmons, Robin L. “Grammar Bytes,” LINK
Superior Books on Writing
Bradbury, Ray, Zen in the Art of Writing LINK
Bryson, Bill, The Mother Tongue
Fish, Stanley, How to Write a Sentence and How to Read One LINK
Goldberg, Natalie, Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within LINK
King, Stephen, On Writing LINK
Lamott, Anne, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life LINK
Truss, Lynne, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation LINK
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PART 7: Glossary
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Glossary
COMMA SPLICE: A type of run-on (or fused) sentence when two independent clauses
are joined with a comma without the necessary conjunction.
Slim Shady split town the sheriff was tracking him down.
DIRECT OBJECT: The noun, pronoun, phrase or clause that follows a transitive verb
(an action verb). For example,
Slim Shady followed thee banker to the vault
INTRANSITIVE VERB: An action verb describing an activity that does not have a direct
object.*
Slim Shady arrived late and missed the banker.
PREDICATE: The part of a sentences or clause that is governed by a verb and states,
affirms, or asserts something about the subject of a sentence.
Slim Shady argued about everything.
RUN-ON SENTENCE: When two independent clauses are joined without a period,
semi-colon, or comma and conjunction. For example,
Slim Shady loved Lucille She loved Fat Sunny.
Note: Some verbs can be use as transitive or intransitive verbs.
The children played tag. (“Played” is transitive.)
The children played in the backyard. (“Played” is intransitive.)
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Glossary
SUBJECT: What or whom the sentence is about. It usually comes before the predicate.
(Return to Slides.)
Slim Shady is . . . well . . . ah . . . shady.
TRANSITIVE VERB: This verb is an action verb describing an activity one can do to a
direct object, the thing or person that receives the action.*
Slim Shady robbed the banker.
Note: Some verbs can be use as transitive or intransitive verbs.
The children played tag. (“Played” is transitive.)
The children played in the backyard. (“Played” is intransitive.)
.
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The Golden Rule of Punctuation
Be Consistent!
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Academic Resources
These are the resources available to you to help make your academic career
successful. Please note: Every on-campus service has and online component.
Are you ready for the online classroom?
Online readiness quiz
Student handbook
Orientation webinar
Getting started
Academic Advising and Support
Selecting an advisor
Student support groups
Finding a tutor
College success webinars
Online tutorials
Resources for Writers LINK
Library Resources
Orientation :
Webinar
On-campus
Library literacy webinar
Researching resource
How to research webinar
Online resources
Handbooks & Style Guides Popular Grammar Sites
References
Technical Writing
Online Grammar Courses
Superior Books on Writing
Student Services
Technology
Technology webinars
Computer labs
Help Desk
How to Use Blackboard
Clubs, Organizations
Registrar
Health and Welfare
Events
Financial Services
Athletics
Admissions
Disability Accessibility
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Plan for Evaluating Effectiveness of Learning Environment
Formative Evaluations
Method
Type
Timeline
Description, Rationale, and Expected Results
I will maintain this personal journal to record observations of anecdotal evidence providing insights into the value
Journal of
Observation
Observation
Ongoing
of class processes, assessments, and activities. This evidence comes from a variety of informal sources, such as
students’ revealing comments in their writings or during online interactions, their successes and failures, their
progress in mastering learning objectives, complaints, and displays of enthusiasm or disinterest.
I will establish a focus group of student volunteers (three to five) to meet every two weeks synchronously to
Focus Group
Direct Feedback
Ongoing
provide feedback on the class processes, procedures, pedagogical effectiveness, assignments, and other issues as
decided by the students and myself. The volunteers will receive extra credit for participation. The meetings will set
up using Blackboard Collaborate at an time agreed upon by all. All students will be encouraged to attend
I will expect students to complete a survey at the completion of four different modules (see class map), which will
give them the opportunity to evaluate these modules, assess their relevance, and offer suggestions to the class
Surveys
Direct Feedback
End of four
modules
going forward. The survey also provides an opportunity to demonstrate how much they learned from the module.
Students receive points for completing the surveys, but I will not know who submitted individual surveys. The
completed surveys will be sent directly to a third party who will summarize written responses and tabulate the
remaining answers for me.
I will hold one-on-one discussions with each student during weeks 3 to 12 of the class. (The first two weeks are
One-on-One
Discussion
kept open to enable students to experience the class and gauge their own potential for success. The final four
Direct Feedback
Ongoing
weeks are reserved for follow-up conferences.) During the first two weeks, students will be required to schedule a
time for a synchronous discussion. The purpose of the conferences is to review students’ performance and needs,
and to get their feedback on the class.
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Original Class Map 1
I prepared this course map of course on the interaction of poetry, prose and culture in
the 1960’s. This course was an assignment in W. Andrew Robinson’s Instructional Design
for Online Course Development. It was the inspiration for Task 1.
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Original Class Map (2)
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Original Class Map (3)
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Original Class Map (4)
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Original Class Map (4)
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