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Communication skills This learning area includes: communication: why, how, who? interpersonal skills approaches to communication using ‘I-statements’ active listening self-esteem effective questioning non-verbal communication verbal and non-verbal signals. Communication: Why, how, who? We communicate with many people—at work, at study, in the community, and in our personal lives. Our reasons for communicating can include: solving problems or making decisions gathering information promoting or selling a product negotiating agreements speaking in a meeting or making a presentation giving instructions or supervising people writing letters and emails making phone calls or answering enquiries. We communicate by telephone, email, face-to-face conversation, gestures, graphics, formal speeches and presentations. How we communicate varies according to need, purpose and situation. 1 © TAFE NSW, 2007 Interpersonal skills Interpersonal communication skills are essential for establishing positive relationships with others. Effective communicators use: assertive behaviour, eg listen actively, ask appropriate questions, share ideas and feelings and let others do the same active listening, eg take turns, don’t interrupt, ask questions and paraphrase to show interest and understanding effective questioning, eg question to show interest and understanding, use open, closed and probing questions non-verbal communication, eg look the person in the eye, nod to show understanding, respect people’s personal space verbal communication, eg speak clearly and at a suitable level, use a positive tone, and use inclusive language. Approaches to communication When communicating with others, people can be: assertive—expressing their thoughts and feelings while respecting the thoughts and feelings of others aggressive—trying to get their own way without respecting the thoughts and feelings of others passive—accepting the opinions of others without even trying to put forward their own view (also called submissive). In most situations an assertive approach is the most effective. Assertive behaviour helps people build relationships. It also contributes to creating a positive, open environment where people share ideas and solve problems together. Assertive ‘I-Statements’ In formal settings, assertive people use ‘I-Statements’ to say how they feel, to describe the situation without blaming, and to state what they’d like to happen. ‘I-Statements’ focus on the problem or the behaviour, not on the person. For example, if someone interrupts you in a meeting, you might say: When you interrupted me I felt angry because I believe everyone has a right to speak. I’d like to be able to share my ideas too. Be careful not to make your ‘I-Statements’ into ‘You-Statements’, which focus too much on the person, for example: 2 © TAFE NSW, 2007 When you interrupt me I get angry because you’re being aggressive. You need to change your bullying behaviour. Active listening Good communicators are active listeners. Active listening means you are: hearing what others are saying rather than just thinking about your reply asking questions for clarification using appropriate non-verbal communication, such as eye contact. You can learn to be an active listener by practising three main skills: attending—not interrupting the speaker, showing physical attention by using eye contact and open posture following—using conversation openers, inviting people to share ideas and feelings, asking few questions reflecting—paraphrasing, clarifying, reflecting feelings and meanings, summarising. Self-esteem Self-esteem is the amount of respect people have for themselves. It is a sign of how people will behave in different situations and lets others know what to expect in a relationship. Self-esteem gives a message to others about how much a person values themself, and what they expect from others in terms of respect and fairness. Generally speaking, people with high self-esteem tend to be assertive, while people with low self-esteem tend to be aggressive or passive. As we noted earlier, assertive behaviour is often preferred because it helps people build good relationships and helps to create a positive, open environment. It follows, then, that we should develop our self-esteem and encourage others to do the same. Effective questioning Questioning brings together the important skills of speaking and listening. Asking effective questions can help develop active listening or with gaining clearer information. Effective communicators use different types of questions to suit the situation and purpose. They think about how to ask the question, not just what the 3 © TAFE NSW, 2007 question is about. They also think about what type of question will be suitable for the situation, the relationship between the sender and receiver, their cultural values and their attitudes. Three main question types are: Closed––ie to get single facts, confirm or check information or refocus a conversation, eg ‘Have you finished the draft of the newsletter yet?’ Open––ie to explore and encourage a detailed answer or get a conversation going, eg ‘Do you think you’ll finish soon?’ Probing––ie to get specific information often after a closed question, eg ‘What needs to be done to get it ready?’ Non-verbal communication We communicate with others using words—verbal communication—and other signals—non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication includes: body language—eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, the way we stand or sit, and how far we stand from people voice—tone, pitch and expression, volume and speed, emphasis and intonation others—dress and grooming, spatial arrangements (eg between furniture), design or decor of a room, signs or symbols in a room. We are not always able to tell what people want to communicate by what they say or how they look. We need to interpret both their verbal and nonverbal signals. This may vary according to cultural background, so being sensitive will avoid communication breakdowns. Verbal and non-verbal signals To understand a message we need to understand both the verbal and nonverbal signals in any communication. This helps to build understanding with other people, develop relationships and reduce conflict. Difficulties can arise: when the verbal and non-verbal signals do not seem to match, eg if you nod but don’t agree or understand if the non-verbal signals are difficult to interpret if the words used are unfamiliar. 4 © TAFE NSW, 2007 We need to seek feedback and combine verbal and non-verbal cues to build shared understanding. Summary Interpersonal communication skills are essential for establishing positive relationships with others. Effective communicators are able to use assertive behaviour, active listening, effective questioning, non-verbal communication, and verbal communication. Self-esteem influences the way we interact with others. People with high self-esteem tend to be assertive, whereas people with low self-esteem tend to be either aggressive or passive. Generally speaking, assertive behaviour helps create an environment where everyone feels safe to share their ideas and feelings. For this reason, we should develop our own self-esteem and encourage others to do the same. 5 © TAFE NSW, 2007