Download Communication skills

Communication skills
This learning area includes:

communication: why, how, who?

interpersonal skills

approaches to communication

using ‘I-statements’

active listening

self-esteem

effective questioning

non-verbal communication

verbal and non-verbal signals.
Communication: Why, how, who?
We communicate with many people—at work, at study, in the community,
and in our personal lives. Our reasons for communicating can include:

solving problems or making decisions

gathering information

promoting or selling a product

negotiating agreements

speaking in a meeting or making a presentation

giving instructions or supervising people

writing letters and emails

making phone calls or answering enquiries.
We communicate by telephone, email, face-to-face conversation, gestures,
graphics, formal speeches and presentations. How we communicate varies
according to need, purpose and situation.
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Interpersonal skills
Interpersonal communication skills are essential for establishing positive
relationships with others. Effective communicators use:

assertive behaviour, eg listen actively, ask appropriate questions,
share ideas and feelings and let others do the same

active listening, eg take turns, don’t interrupt, ask questions and
paraphrase to show interest and understanding

effective questioning, eg question to show interest and
understanding, use open, closed and probing questions

non-verbal communication, eg look the person in the eye, nod to
show understanding, respect people’s personal space

verbal communication, eg speak clearly and at a suitable level, use a
positive tone, and use inclusive language.
Approaches to communication
When communicating with others, people can be:

assertive—expressing their thoughts and feelings while respecting
the thoughts and feelings of others

aggressive—trying to get their own way without respecting the
thoughts and feelings of others

passive—accepting the opinions of others without even trying to put
forward their own view (also called submissive).
In most situations an assertive approach is the most effective. Assertive
behaviour helps people build relationships. It also contributes to creating a
positive, open environment where people share ideas and solve problems
together.
Assertive ‘I-Statements’
In formal settings, assertive people use ‘I-Statements’ to say how they feel,
to describe the situation without blaming, and to state what they’d like to
happen. ‘I-Statements’ focus on the problem or the behaviour, not on the
person. For example, if someone interrupts you in a meeting, you might say:
When you interrupted me I felt angry because I believe everyone has a
right to speak. I’d like to be able to share my ideas too.
Be careful not to make your ‘I-Statements’ into ‘You-Statements’, which
focus too much on the person, for example:
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When you interrupt me I get angry because you’re being aggressive. You
need to change your bullying behaviour.
Active listening
Good communicators are active listeners. Active listening means you are:

hearing what others are saying rather than just thinking about your
reply

asking questions for clarification

using appropriate non-verbal communication, such as eye contact.
You can learn to be an active listener by practising three main skills:

attending—not interrupting the speaker, showing physical attention
by using eye contact and open posture

following—using conversation openers, inviting people to share
ideas and feelings, asking few questions

reflecting—paraphrasing, clarifying, reflecting feelings and
meanings, summarising.
Self-esteem
Self-esteem is the amount of respect people have for themselves. It is a sign
of how people will behave in different situations and lets others know what
to expect in a relationship. Self-esteem gives a message to others about how
much a person values themself, and what they expect from others in terms
of respect and fairness.
Generally speaking, people with high self-esteem tend to be assertive, while
people with low self-esteem tend to be aggressive or passive. As we noted
earlier, assertive behaviour is often preferred because it helps people build
good relationships and helps to create a positive, open environment. It
follows, then, that we should develop our self-esteem and encourage others
to do the same.
Effective questioning
Questioning brings together the important skills of speaking and listening.
Asking effective questions can help develop active listening or with gaining
clearer information.
Effective communicators use different types of questions to suit the situation
and purpose. They think about how to ask the question, not just what the
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question is about. They also think about what type of question will be
suitable for the situation, the relationship between the sender and receiver,
their cultural values and their attitudes.
Three main question types are:

Closed––ie to get single facts, confirm or check information or
refocus a conversation, eg ‘Have you finished the draft of the
newsletter yet?’

Open––ie to explore and encourage a detailed answer or get a
conversation going, eg ‘Do you think you’ll finish soon?’

Probing––ie to get specific information often after a closed question,
eg ‘What needs to be done to get it ready?’
Non-verbal communication
We communicate with others using words—verbal communication—and
other signals—non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication
includes:

body language—eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, the way
we stand or sit, and how far we stand from people

voice—tone, pitch and expression, volume and speed, emphasis and
intonation

others—dress and grooming, spatial arrangements (eg between
furniture), design or decor of a room, signs or symbols in a room.
We are not always able to tell what people want to communicate by what
they say or how they look. We need to interpret both their verbal and nonverbal signals. This may vary according to cultural background, so being
sensitive will avoid communication breakdowns.
Verbal and non-verbal signals
To understand a message we need to understand both the verbal and nonverbal signals in any communication. This helps to build understanding with
other people, develop relationships and reduce conflict.
Difficulties can arise:

when the verbal and non-verbal signals do not seem to match, eg if
you nod but don’t agree or understand

if the non-verbal signals are difficult to interpret

if the words used are unfamiliar.
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We need to seek feedback and combine verbal and non-verbal cues to build
shared understanding.
Summary
Interpersonal communication skills are essential for establishing positive
relationships with others. Effective communicators are able to use assertive
behaviour, active listening, effective questioning, non-verbal
communication, and verbal communication.
Self-esteem influences the way we interact with others. People with high
self-esteem tend to be assertive, whereas people with low self-esteem tend
to be either aggressive or passive. Generally speaking, assertive behaviour
helps create an environment where everyone feels safe to share their ideas
and feelings. For this reason, we should develop our own self-esteem and
encourage others to do the same.
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