Download Relational Maintenance Through Nonverbal Communication

Running Head: RELATIONAL MAINTENANCE IN ROMANIC RELATIONSHIPS
Relational Maintenance Through Nonverbal Communication
in Romantic Relationships
Koryna Gonzalez
Arizona State University
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Maintaining a relationship may not always be the easiest task, but when you love
someone, sometimes you do whatever it takes to keep that relationship strong and going. Couples
that feel confident with their relationship and secure in their attachment to their partner tend to
touch, laugh, smile and stare more (Prinsen & Punyanunt-Carter, 2010). Nonverbal
communication is the way in which someone communicates to another through their body
language and their actions, without saying anything at all (Prinsen & Punyanunt-Carter, 2010).
Many believe that nonverbal communication can be linked to making ones partner feel
comfortable, demonstrating strong eye contact can communicate warmth and tell your partner
that you are there for them (Dolin & Booth-Butterfield, 1993). Relational maintenance are
“behaviors which individuals enact with the conscious intent of preserving or improving the
relationship” (Ledbetter, 2013). Understanding how to maintain your romantic relationship while
exhibiting positive nonverbal communication is what tends to be challenging, but very important.
It is possible that without the presence of positive nonverbal communication in romantic couples,
one may begin to feel like they no longer matter to their partner. This can lead to partners
searching for reassurance, which is when one asks for confirmation from their other half that
they are lovable, worthy and valued (Knobloch, Knobloch-Fedders & Durbin, 2011). People with
depressive symptoms tend to question the sincerity of their partner and the form of reassurance
they are being given (Knobloch, Knobloch-Fedders, & Durbin, 2011). These depressive
symptoms may contribute to the negative nonverbal communication experienced within a
relationship.
There are many different reasons that cause partners to display positive and negative
nonverbal communication, but understanding how to maintain your relationship can contribute to
the positive side of this. The purpose of this paper is to understand how to display the different
Running Head: RELATIONAL MAINTENANCE IN ROMANIC RELATIONSHIPS
types of nonverbal communication within romantic relationships, know how these acts of
nonverbal communication are interpreted, and know what it takes to maintain a relationship
while communicating nonverbally. Also, does an increase in relationship satisfaction lead to an
increase in sexual satisfaction? This paper will review the different aspects of uncertainty
reduction theory and attachment theory and how these theories apply to this topic of literature.
Additionally, further research needs to be done on relational maintenance through nonverbal
communication in order to understand what may be a leading cause to the termination of
relationships solely based on nonverbal communication.
In order to examine the way in which partners can display all the many types of
nonverbal communication, we must first have a clear understanding of what nonverbal
communication is, and how one goes about communicating in a positive nonverbal way. As
previously defined, nonverbal communication is the way in which someone communicates to
another through their body language and their actions, without saying anything at all (Prinsen &
Punyanunt-Carter, 2010) and this can be done through eye contact, touch, facial expression and
body language. Another aspect that plays a role in nonverbal communication is being able to
listen to your partner (Jones, 2011). Being able to listen and display that you are supportive of
what your partner is speaking to you about can lead to relationship satisfaction (Jones, 2011).
Listening is defined as the ability to attend to, interpret, and respond to verbal and nonverbal
messages (Jones, 2011), which is the focus of this study. By simply engaging in a conversation
with your partner, you may be displaying positive nonverbal communication which can lead to
them believing you are interested in what they have to say, which could then lead to higher
relationship satisfaction. People that listen to their partner when they are expressing concerns to
you about something that may be occurring in the relationship or not, but not giving full
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attention, i.e., interrupting or joking around, show higher levels of not being fully supportive of
their partner in comparrison to those that actually addressed their partners mood and the way
they were feeling (Jones, 2005). Relational maintenance states that people who perceive that
their relationship is equitable will put effort to maintain those relationships and this plays a
significant role in the contribution to relationship satisfaction (Ledbetter, 2013). In order to
maintain a relationship, both partners need to contribute the same amount of effort, including
being willing to make changes and work on the necessary problems in the relationship to
increase positivity between one another (Young, Curran, & Totenhagen, 2013). More satisfaction
in relationships is displayed between couples that self-disclose, share tasks, support one another
and show their commitment (Young, Curran, & Totenhagen, 2013). If your partner is talking to
you and you are listening but do not like something they said and you roll your eyes, this would
be an example of negative nonverbal communication. It is important to be cautious of your
actions and what you may be communicating nonverbally to your partner so you do not end up in
an argument over something that was not intended to cause the argument. Therefore, in
maintaining relationships it is necessary to display positive nonverbal communication, listen to
your partner, and put forth the commitment you have for one another.
Increasing relationship maintenance leads to an increase in relationship satisfaction
(Byers, 2005), which in turn is a contributer to sexual satisfaction. This means that the higher
level of relationship satisfaction you feel with your partner will lead to a higher level of sexual
satisfaction as well. Lower sexual satisfaction has been associated with couples feeling distanced
from their loved ones, conflict in the relationship, or partners feeling uncertain about their
relationship (Byers, 2005). Sexual satisfaction in relationships is also a contributing factor to
relationship satisfaction, meaning if couples are arguing, this can bring them back together and
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remove distance (Byers, 2005). Although, it is not a known fact that sexual satisfaction will
always work to increase relationship satisfaction. It is common for people to associate sexual
satisfaction with relationship satisfaction because if couples are happy and feel close to their
partners, the likliness of their sexual satisfation could increase. The association can also be
viewed differently for men and women, being that many women rate sexual satisfaction based
off of the love they have for their partner, and men are more likely to experience sexual
satisfaction in and out of their relationships (Byers, 2005). This makes it seem as if women are
the ones who benefit from the relational satisfaction, because they believe that this will lead to an
increase in their sexual satisfaction. Therefore, in order to maintain this sexual satisfaction within
the relationship, couples have to work to maintain their relationship satisfaction as well.
Uncertainty reduction theory plays a major role in the maintenance of relationships
because if one is feeling uncertain about their partners feelings for them, they seek out
reassurance to help them to feel more certain (Young, Curran & Totenhagen, 2013). If you are in
a relationship with someone and you are always arguing to the point that you feel as if you no
longer matter to your partner and they do not love you, you will most likely find ways to get
them to share their feelings for you in a way that reassures you. Another factor that plays a role
in uncertainty reduction theory is the willingness to forgive your partner when you get in
arguments because then they will not feel like they have to pull away (Waldron, & Kelley,
2005). Couples believe that forgiveness is a way to repair damage that has been done by a
negative event that occurred in the relationship (Waldron, & Kelley, 2005), such as a major
argument that led to one partner saying something that they normally would not say if they were
not in this angry state. All relationships have conflict, and in order to manage this uncertainty
one may experience, both partners have to be honest and share what they are feeling, but at the
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same time, it is important that they do not say things to intentionally hurt their partner, and also
be forgiving if this is something that does occur (Waldron, & Kelley, 2005). There are many
factors that contribute to the longevity of a relationship which include reducing uncertainty,
communicating verbally and nonverbally, and especially being forgiving (Waldron, & Kelley,
2005).
Attachment theory is another theory that has a lot of positive and negative effects on a
relationship. Attachment theory according to Guerrero focuses on how partners become close to
one another, the mental guidance of this process, and the subsequent style of attachment that
people seek in order to maintain the relationship that they are presently in (Guerrero, 1996). A
negative effect that attachment theory can have on a relationship is becoming too attached.
Becoming too attached can lead the relationship, or one partner in the relationship to feel
anxious, or like their partner is less commited, they may become emotionally dependent, feel
lonely more often than not, and could lead to a decrease in relational satisfaction (Guerrero,
1996). The social anxiety aspect of this says that people who are fearful of attachment are afraid
of being rejected, and people preoccupied with attachment fear that their partners will no longer
care for them and leave them (Guerrero, 1996). Those that view themselves in a positive light
and relationship expectations that seem reasonable and real tend to have more satisfaction within
their relationships (Guerrero, 1996). Additionally, those that view others in a positive light also
demonstrate higher levels of trust and are more receptive to this from others (Guerrero, 1996).
When in a relationship with someone that seems to be extremely attached, if you do not
reciprocate that attachment and commitment, the relationship may slowly begin to deteriorate
due to the difference in the displaying of emotions.
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After examining the different types of nonverbal communication within romantic
relationships, understanding how these acts of nonverbal communication are interpreted, and
understanding what it takes to maintain a relationship while communicating nonverbally, it is
safe to say that there are many contributing factors to how couples can maintain their
relationships. Nonverbal intimacy, which is represented in romantic relationships, is defined as
“behavior that is involved and pleasant” (Guerrero, & Jones, 2000). This nonverbal intimacy is a
way to bring couples higher satisfaction within their relationships. This increase in relationship
satisfaction was also related to an increase in sexual satisfaction between couples. It is believed
that when partners are satisfied with their relationships, their sexual satisfaction tends to be
higher as well (Byers, 2005). Uncertainty reduction theory and attachment theory are also very
much related to the topic being discussed in this paper. Understanding what it takes to reduce
ones uncertainty in a relationship is important and can remove any distance between partners
(Young, Curran, & Totenhagen, 2013). What seems to be shocking to researchers is the effect all
of these factors have on the relationships themselves, whether it be termination of the
relationship, or continued long-term commitment. It is important to emphasize the outcome of
the relationships, especially after there has been arguments present between couples.
Additionally, understanding the way in which couples communicate in this nonverbal way, but
also studying the way in which this nonverbal communication is handled after there has been
minor offsets in the relationship is necessary as well. Relationships take an extreme amount of
work, communicating with your partner, verbally and nonverbally, being understanding and
forgiving, giving them space when they need it but also being there and close. Sometimes,
people do not understand all that it takes, and their expectations are not how the relationships
actually come out to be. This type of study could help people to better understand how to
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effectively communicate in relationships, and how to maintain satisfaction on all levels with their
partner.
H1: Positive nonverbal communication between romantic couples will lead to a positive
outcome on the relationship. Additionally, negative nonverbal communication between
romantic couples will cause the maintaining of a relationship to slowly deteriorate.
H2: An increase in relationship satisfaction will lead to an increase in sexual satisfaction.
Additionally, a decrease in relationship satisfaction will lead to the decrease in sexual
satisfaction and in turn, less sexual contact between partners will be displayed.
RQ1: How can couples in romantic relationships display positive nonverbal
communication in a way that leads to relational and sexual satisfaction?
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References
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