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THE A M E R I CAN GI R L W HE R E V E R S HE M AY B E I D ED I CAT E T H IS BO O K I RE S P E CT HE R I N D EP EN D E N C E I H ONO R HE R G OO D N E S S AN D I L O V E HE R S W EET N E SS S H E M A K E S T HE M O S T C H AR M I N G O F FR I E N D S T H E B E S T O F W I V E S A N D T H E T R U E S T O F M O T HE RS T HE S E T H REE P O S I T I ON S I N L I FE W ILL I H O P E R E P R E S E N T HE R FUT UR E , , , , , , R UT H A S H M O R E P R E FAC E talk wi th girls m e an s a word here and there a b ou t thi ngs that are inter esting—a li ttle discu s s ion of this or that which provok es a question O ur girls ar e goi ng to be the wives and mothers of the future ! they are going to make homes i n which they should know how to rule royally Now a royal rule is on e that strengt hen s the weak has sympathy for the s i ck knows h ow to be glad with the merry and mar ks w i th the whi te stone of a good deed every day i n the year ! You and I like to s it down before the b ri gh t fire at night and gos s ip about the doi ngs of the day compare notes about what looked pretty i n the shop wi ndows agree or disagree about a book or a ribbo n think ou t schemes of economy measure ou t the money i n the purse s o that i t wi ll allow for a pleas ure and talk over those little po ints of A S ID E . . , , , , , , , vi Pr f e ace etiquette that oil the wheels of s oci ety and make them run more smoothly And thi s we did As the circle grew there came i n another and another gi rl ! the chat i ncreased a ques tion w as as ked each w as read y to laugh and be merr y A day came when grief reigned and you were glad for a word of sympathy — a word perhaps not voiced bu t told by a gras p of the hand and you learned through the telegraph of hearts that there w as a feeli ng of sorrow for every tear you s hed and for e v ery moan you made But the s orrow onl y made the pleas ant times brighter for dea r gi rls in li fe as i n a picture the dark li nes are neces s ary to bring ou t and emphas i z e those that are light S o the side talks came about between my girls and m e Do you care to be on e i n the ci rcle P A s i de talk is not of necessi ty a talk all on on e side and what you think what you wonder and what y our ideas are wi ll res ult from the gi v ing of mine to y ou . . , . , , , . , , , , , . . , , , . RUTH A S H M O R E AUG US T 30 , 1 89 5 . . Con t en t s PAGE Tne A r t o f Tr Tb e M ot ner My S Tb e w eet y g E a s il a v e lli n My Gi r l o f , / wa r t an d I, / za r it C M a n t le o f y Tne P /zy s i e a l L ife o f A S tr a nger Tna You ng in S tr a , Gi r l a , an g Wife s Fir s t Tb e You ng H u , ’ s e La n d , Yea r b a n d s Fir s t ’ , Ye a r , . TH E AVE R AG E GI RL H E gi rl who is si tting near y ou o me r , working with an immense amoun t of i ndustry on a dainty tea cloth and putti ng a great deal of energy i n the pushing i n of her needle by the li ttle gold thimble w hi ch she wi ll tell you wi th a s mi le the favored m an gave her at Chri stmas is the average girl I n years she is between ei ghteen and twenty four happy generous pretty and s he is whole hearted pleas ant to look upon and v ery anxious to do w hat is right S he lives i n a small country town or maybe on a farm and last summer you e u joyed the long golden days spent i n the country wi th her Now she is returning your visi t and u being a poli te woman are making her have o y as good a ti me as po s si ble T o-day she is wi th me and she knows me well enough and likes m e well enough to tell me of her ignorance - , , , , ” . , - - , , , , , . , . , , , . , Side Talk s 2 w G ir ls it / 9 about certai n thi ngs S he troubles herself about thes e rather more than is neces s ary for good man ners are the same all the world over And while the average gi rl may not be fully acquai nted wi th the minor details of soci al li fe s he is gently bred and kind of heart and i t is impossible for her to make any very great m istake O n a piece of paper she has w ri tten about the li ttle thi ngs that trouble her and I am going as far as I can to explai n them to her so that s he may feel less i11 a t e ase than s he does . , . , . , , , - . A BO U T T HE L U N C H E ON T he other day s he w as i nvited to a luncheon by a fri end of her hostes s and when the ti me came had to go alone becau se her hostes s had a s he severe cold S he had never seen a table as elabo r a t e l spread as the on e at that luncheon and h s e y s oon realized that s he had made a mistake at the very beginni ng When s he went upstai r s to r e move her wrap s he took off her bonnet also and when s he came down found that s he w as the onl y woman except the hostess and the friend s who were stayi ng i n the hous e whose head w as bare Not a great error but then the average girl like s to be correct and with a handsome silk v isi t ing dress proper for this two o clock luncheon s he s hould have retai ned her bonnet and her gloves , . , . , , . , , , ’ , , G ir l Tb e Av er age 3 emoving the latter as soon as s he w as s eated at the table G lan cing at her place s he s a w that the t w o pronged fork w as for her oysters and realized that i f s he took up each fork i n the order i n whi ch i t w as placed s he would get the ri ght on e for each cou r se Th e average gi rl once made a great mistake H avi ng bee n invi ted for h alf pas t on e o clock s he arri ved at on e to find that t he hos tes s w as no t dressed and the drawi ng room n ot lighted O ne is as ked at a cer tai n ti me and expected to arrive not earlier than five mi nutes before it or better s ti ll exactly on the mi nute S he felt embarr as sed because s he w as i ntroduced to nobody Now m y dear that you wi ll find customary i n most hous e s the E nglish idea of a roof in t r odu c ti on be i ng deemed s u fii c ie n t Where on e is an entire s t ranger a thoughtful hos tes s will menti on the nam es o f the women between whom one si ts but generally on e hears the name mentioned by acquai ntances and convers ation is easy Re member thi s : Never as k a s e r v a n t for anything except bread ! usually the F rench roll lai d on one s napki n su ffi ces b u t i f you should wish mo re bread i t may be asked for or a glas s o f water B ut a second helpi ng is an unknown quantity at a form al a ffai r At home the average girl is well acquai nted r . , . . ’ - , - , . , , , . . , , , . , , , . ’ , , . . Side Ta lk s 4 th G ir ls wi with w hat is called high tea in the ci ty that is the serving about eight o clock of hot meats wi th dis hes of salads and sweets and where all s it down— a pleasant way t o entertai n when the late dinner is not a custom However the card you have got for the afternoon tea is not of that sort The tea card i nvi tes you to come between four and seven and you wonder wh at you should do You need write no acknowledgment of thi s i nvi tation but to be correct you will appear about half past five gowned i n your handsomes t visiting dress the pretty black si lk wi th it s tri mmings of velvet and jet and the li ttle bonnet i n harmony wi th i t If for any reas on you are u nable to go then i n the mo r ni ng you send by post as many of your visiti ng cards as there are hostes ses that is hos tesses whose names are on the i nvi tation These cards are i nclosed in the u s ual card e u ve lope addressed to the lady of the hou s e and s eal i n g-wax is omitted , ’ , , , , , , . . , . , - , , , . , , , , , . , , . WH I L E AT T HE T E A When you enter you shake hands with you r hos tess and wi th any of the ladies recei ving wi th her wi th whom you are acquainted or to whom You are asked by on e of the s he introduces you r ecei vi ng party i f you will not go into the tea room and there you enj oy a cup of tea of bouil , , . , , 77 3e A v er age G ir l 5 a bi t of delicate ca ke or an ice w hi ch is the mos t that is ever served even at a formal tea U nles s you should meet man y fri ends ten or fi f teen mi nutes is qui te long enough for you to stay I t is not neces s ary for you to remove your gloves and i f you are fortunate enough to have come i n a c a rriage you wi ll find i t more conveni ent to leave your wraps there and s o be able to make your en trance at once than i f you wen t to the room dedi cated to the cari ng for one s ou ter garmen ts We are all getti ng to be such good w alke rs however that i t is the exceptional woman who goi ng from house to house c an make her entrance ri ght from her carriage to the drawi ng -room Culti vate for afternoon use es c i a l l e a quanti ty o f mall talk abo t the charm s u p y that of the hos t e m the beauty of the flowers b le$ in g to all h u mani ty—the weather and t e h las t entertainment counted of worth Never mi nd i f you do s ay the s ame thi ng t o everybody you m eet as long as i t makes you avoid personalities there i s always wisdom i n sayi ng that whi ch m akes con v e r s a tion an d wounds nobody s feeli ngs Ion , , , . , . , , , , , ’ . , , , , . , , , , , , . , ’ . A F AS H I ONAB L E D I NN ER -P A R T Y have never been to on e before and so y our cousi n w i th whom you are s ta yi ng sugg es ts the prope r froc k I t is a light -colored silk made s im You , , , . Side Talk s 6 th G ir ls wi ply cu t ou t j us t enough at the neck and having for s leeves enormous puffs finish ed by fri lls of chiffon that come j ust belo w the elbow Your gloves go u p under these ru ffl es and are of cours e immaculate You r hair is prettily dres s ed and followi ng the pi cture fas hion -you have put a white rose just at one side of i t A little heart s haped brooch fas tens your bodi ce at the neck and a stri ng of small gold beads is about your throat You know that even i f you possess them i t would be i n bad taste for an unmarri ed woman to wear di amonds or expen s i ve j ewels of any ki nd In the dres s ing room after the maid has taken off your wrap and s traightened ou t your s kirt you ur s tart to go downstairs walking j ust behi nd yo chaperon The gentleman who is to take you i n to dinner has been i nformed of this i n the dres s ing room by recei vi ng a card wi th your name upon i t and s o your thoughtful hostes s pres ents him to and y ou have a chat of a mi nute or two b e u o y fore taki ng his arm and joi ning the formal pr oc e s Your name card is at s ion to the di ni ng room your place and after the little flutter o f getting s eated you pi ck up and look at the bunch of vio let s that is before you and unles s you are willing to risk s tai ning your skirt wi th them or cru s h i ng them you put them on the table just i n fron t of your plate whi le your es cort fas ten s i n his buttonhole the S i ngle orchi d i ntended for him , , . , , , . , , , - . , . , , . - , , , . , , - . , , , , , . A v er age G ir l The 7 At the best houses what used to be known as di nner m illinery which i ncluded strips of ri b b on and j ars of s weets — jars frequently of e x pe n sive chi na i ntended to be taken home — is no longer seen for i t is counted as v ulgar to appear to have to bribe people to come to one s house Chat w i th your neighbo r s on ei th er side gi ving the mos t atten tion however to your es cort ! but f s hyness rather than of s elf sati s err on the s ide o facti on Man y a nervous girl bri ght and wi tty is over -eager to be entertaini ng and u ncon s ci ou s ly raises her voi ce u nti l i t is heard above everybody else s and her high shri ll exciti ng laugh is a hor ror to the women who blame her while they pi t y her A dinner par ty is a formal function and s pe I f the Conti c ia lly demands digni ty of manner n e n t al fas hion is followed and ladi es and gentle men leave the di ni ng room at the s ame ti me you go ou t as you came i n If the E nglish fas hi on ob tains and the gentlemen remai n to s moke and talk rise when your ho s tes s gives the s i gn al s tand qui te still un til you s ee your chaperon and then fall i n li ne be hi nd her pas s ing not too quickly the gen t le m e n who are all sta ndi ng up and allowi ng you to walk ou t before them Learn to walk well and “ not to trot A di nner i nvi tation should be ackn owledged wi thi n three hours and the chang i ng of one s mi nd abou t i t is never permi tted A wi tty F renchman said O nly death is an excuse ” , , ’ . , , , - , . , , ’ , , , , - , . . , - , . , , , , , , , , . ” . , ’ . , Side Talk s 8 th G ir ls wi for not keeping a di nner engagement and even then a poli te man would s end the undertaker to apologi ze for him , ” . ABO U T Y O UR C A LL S I know i t to be true that when you came to town you had for a visi ting card a fai n tly ti nted stiff one on which was written your name E li Pegram i n a fine I talian hand heavily n or F ortunately for you your hostess s aw s haded this and kept you from maki ng a fa u x p a s In the place of those rose -ti nted ones happi ly c on the waste s igned to their proper resti ng place basket you now have rather thin whi te cards al most square wi th as you are the oldest daughter and as your middle name is your mother s maiden “ Miss Cholmondeley Pegram engraved on e upon them Your vi si ting -card repr es ents you and consequently i t must be i n good tas te This form i s des i rable becau s e s eeing i t old friends who knew y our mother as pretty E linor Chol wi ll recogni ze you as her daughter m on de le y and make an effort to sho w you some special courtesies When visi ting leave a card for the lady of the house and for each daughter in soci ety When you cannot go to a recepti on or a tea your card s represent you When you do go you leave your card either wi th a ser v ant who holds - , , ” , , . . , - , , , , , , ’ ” , , , . . , , , , . . . Side Talk s 1 0 th G ir ls wi a great actor he i nvi ted your hostes s and you and he never went to any place with you alone There were only a few stolen momen ts when you could say to him j ust what you wished but he was acting as society i n the ci ty demanded and showing by his formal behavior his res pe ct for you When he sent you a bu n ch of flowers there w as on e for your cousi n , and you were a bi t foolish not to value yours as m uch as you would What he did w as if he had not sent another ri ght and he would have been counted singularly and awkward i f he had done you a u ch e as g wi s hed and s o called forth criti cisms i n which “ the words bad mannered would have been most conspicuous D o not make the very great mi s take of counting elderly women as of no use socially O f cours e you are respectful to them but you have thought that at social functions they were ou t of place My dear gi rl the m atron i s the power behind the throne S he decides whether you are des irable Whether you shall recei ve an i nvi tation to the most exclusive affair and whether her daughter shall count you among her intimates I t is s he to whom the young men go for i ntroductions and your doom is sealed i f s he says I don t thi nk you would care for Miss Pegram she is n ot a girl Wi th the p assing of youth of good m anners power comes as a recompense s ee , . , , . . , , - . . , , . , , . . , ’ , ” . . The Av er age THE VA L UE Gi r l 1 1 E TI QUE TTE or It s ee ms to you that there is a great deal of formali ty neces sary even abou t the pleas ant ti mes There is and i t i s right that i t s hould be s o I f lack of s ociety permitted free and eas y manners punctuali ty and general thoughtl e ssnes s the whole worst of s oci al s t ructure would tumble over and all woman would n ot recei ve the res pect and c on O u r li ttle talk about way s s ideration due her and manners wi ll I hope be some help to t hat dear average girl all over the coun tr y w ho be i ng an Ameri can has the quicknes s an d bri ghtnes s m ak i ng her able to do everythi ng j ust right pr o v i de d the method of doi ng i s s ugges ted to her S he wi ll be socially a great s ucces s i f being gen tee l ( I like that old fas hi oned word ! i n her man ners and her dr ess s he should be equ ally genteel i n her speech i n her v oice and i n her choi ce of acquaint ances I f s he is w ise s he wi ll i mi tate nobody and es peciall y will s he refrai n from imi tati ng the very loud girl who may attract atten ti on but for whom no gentleman e v er has an y s erious liki n g . , . , , , , , . , , , , , , . , , , - , , , . , , . T H E S O C I AL L I FE O F A GI R L Y thi s I do not mean the soci ety gi rl that is the girl whose whole life is given up to the clai ms of soci ety but I mean the girl who having reached a sui table age goes to places of amusement enter tain s v isitors and no matter what her occupations may be duri ng the day is s upposed to be in the social world S he is very many ti mes troubled about how she shall act how s he shall speak and what is her duty I think i f I were asked what “ To get as much he r duty w as I should s a y pleasure ou t of li fe as is possi ble wi thout hurting anybody else or doi ng anything that is wrong The laws of conventionali ty were made n ot that people should enjoy thems elves les s but to pro and no young girl can break t e c t them more these laws and be happy for I can never be c on spoken of as v in c e d that a girl enjoys bei ng , , , , , , , , , . , , , . , ” , . , , , , The Socia l Life o f G ir l a 1 3 ' fast or free and easy or difl e r e n t from the other girls The girl i n society who is a bi t shy may envy that other gi rl who i s boisterous and rough who laughs very loudly who tells and listens to stori es and j es ts that are not qui te ni ce and who is par The shy t ic u lar ly at ease i n the s ociety of men girl may wish for her compo s ure bu t i f the shy girl could look into the hearts of the men who are about this gi rl she would reali z e that she has no ki ngdom and that never for a m i nute has she been a queen except i n her own i magi nation Men when they want comrades s eek other men What they d esire i n a young woman is a compau i on and on e who i s totally difl e r e n t from them selves in her ide as and her manner of speech , , . , , , . , , . , . , , . IN T HE S O CI A L WORL D You are j ust begi nning to go ou t ! you ar e twenty years old and you would like as is per fe c t ly natural not only to have the love of wom en but the genuine admiration of men The admiration of all men is n ot worth havi ng You beli eve that you are pleas ant to look at bu t when you meet strangers you are abas hed the blo od ru sh e s to your face and you don t know what to say N ow a little bit of that is due to self consciousness ! more of i t to i nex peri ence , , , . , . , , ’ , . - . 1 Side Ta lk s 4 th G ir ls wi When a man is presented to y ou you need n ot expect to enter i nto an eas y conversation wi th hi m as does the woman of forty but you can get y our though ts away fro m yourself and answer him as i ntelli gently as po s s i ble Make up your mi nd to be a little s low i n your speech rather than to gi ve a foolish answer and after you have resolved to do this you wi ll not find i t di fficult to over come that s illy giggle s o peculiar to young women and which is v ery often the res ult of great ner v ou s n es s and an effort to s peak quickly Don t be t oo perfectly certain about things The pos i ti ve girl who the very mi nute a s tranger s peaks to her gives him an a n swer whi ch s he announces is her opi nion and whi ch s he per m i ts no on e else to doubt is qui te as u ndesirable as the girl who is afraid to say anythi ng I thi nk you will be most successful soci ally i f you ar e wi lling to learn and i f you never permi t your s elf from false shame to tell an u ntruth and s a y u do know of thi ngs about which are to o o u y y tally ignorant E xperience has taught most social leaders that men like to give i nformation c on s e quently when a s tranger has been pr es ented to you and after the first ordi nary commonplaces “ asks D i d you meet the S panish Princes s ? answer yes or no as the truth may be and s u p plemen t this by another question D i d you ? And what did you think of her P , , . , , . ’ . , , , , . , , , . , , , ” , , , , , The Soc ial Life o f a G ir l 1 5 I t is not difli c u lt i n this world to attract i f on e y oung an d pleasi ng to look u pon , is . HO W T O RE T A I N F RIE N D S I t may be taken as a general rule that no w om an can retai n her friends who cannot con trol her temper What s he thi nks m ay be right but b e ca u se it is s o no excuse can b e found for her goi ng i nto a long quarrelsome argumen t raising her voi ce and maki ng her hostes s and all the other gues ts uncomfortable Then people must kno w that socially a gi rl is to be reli ed u pon ! that she is not goi ng to bring the dai ly worries o f her li fe into the social atmo s phere bu t that s he is certai n to bring her m ite of agreeablenes s to add to all the other mi tes unti l the perfection of e n achieved and the plea an t side o m e n t i s s f o j y everybody is s een and enjoyed The woman who wishes to keep her friend s must s teer clear of vi tal religi o n or s ubjects on which they may differ poli ti cs being es pecially undes irable for di s cuss ion ‘ . , , , , , , . , , , , . , . RESPECT FO R L I TT L E T H I N GS Be pleasan t and agreeable to all men who may b e i n your own social world but give no one man the righ t to especi ally clai m you unti l the v eri ta To retain one s ble Pri nce Charmi ng appears , ’ . 1 Side Talk s 6 th G ir l s wi friend s one must also respect their social rights and by this I mean that i f their hospitali ty is ac c e p t e d on e must conform i n the way of dress and manner to the standards of one s hostesses ! and that girl shows wisdom who i nvi ted to a very elaborate affai r and feeling that s he cannot afford even a si mple sui table dress refuses the invitati on rather than m ortify the hos t ess by bei ng ou t of tune i n the general harmony O ne has achi e ved a great wisdom when on e has “ learned how to s a y no in the soci al world wi thout gi ving offence Person ally I do not a p prove of general danci ng though I s e e no harm i n fact a great deal of good i n the home dance but when a girl h as a consci entious feeling about danci ng she is wisest i f s he says no courte ou s ly to the i nvi tatio n that i ncludes dancing S he has no right to go t o a dance and to make her hostess uncomfortable by refusi ng to do as the others are doi ng and by so airing her honest con v ic t ion s that s h e impresses those around her wi th doubts of her belief What she does not approve S o i t should be wi th of s he should n ot look at any games or any affair i nvolvi ng late hours or at whi ch she would meet undesirable people The saying no is right but i t m u st be s ai d at the right ti me that is i t must be sai d before the temptati on arises and before you would be forced You cannot a ccept an i nvi ta t o appe ar as rude , ’ , , , . , . , , , , . , . . , , . , , , / . 1 Side Talk s 8 th G ir ls wi some i f not all the members of the family wi th you and let whatever fun there is to the fore be enjoyed by everybody The most popular girl I ever knew and one w ho w as most adm i red by men and women ali ke told me that s he never kne w what i t w as to s e e visit ors alone u nti l after s he was marri ed All the young men who were acquai nt ed with her sai d they liked to visi t her because they got a chance to have i nteres ting conversa tion or si ng choruses and two or three of them were quite used to helping her arrange a bi t of the rest O ne of them s aid It is s upper for different from goi ng to s e e the other gi rls there you go righ t i nto the home ! at another girl s house you si t i n the parlor and after awhile she comes dow n and the family sta y away from that room as i f the plague were there and the girl acts half silly and after a fello w goes home he thinks he has behaved like a fool And he probably , , . , , . , , , . ’ , , , . has . I f I were you I should arran ge m y parlor with a view of furnishi ng subjects for conversati on I d have whatever illustrated magazi nes or papers I po s s es s ed i n full vi ew ! any photographs of celebrities ! the piano open and the m usi c on i t and end by m aking everybody take an i nteres t i n every bod y else I f you want to make the peo ple about you you n g men and young women as s ociate better and brighter w i th whom you . ’ , , . , , , 77m Socia l Life o f a G ir l 1 9 you must be the mas ter spiri t that s ubsti tu t es that whi ch is i nteres ting and i nnocen t for tha t which is pos s ibly cu s tom ary and not quite s o innocen t I t is i n your power to obli terate the vu lgar kiss ing games by o fferi ng instea d i nteres ting co nversation cheerful musi c and even puzzling contests for them S oci ety does n ot approve of freedom al though it may laugh at innocen t fr i v oli ty , , . , , . , . S OM E O T H ER SMA LL PO I N T S T o the gi rl who wan ts to know and who has asked me s o m a ny tim e s i f s he mus t look after a man s coat and hat I agai n answer by sayi ng “ Nei ther N o let him c a re for them himself is i t n eces sary for her to follow him into the hall unles s i ndeed she should be s eei ng off a pa rty i n whi ch ar e i ncluded some gi rl friends The girl i n society i f s he is a s ocial succes s soon learns the value of poli teness as regards li ttle a f fai r s S he learns to i gnore the usi ng the wrong Spoon or fork I mean i gnor e s the li ttle m istake and realiz e s that whi le i t i s d esirable to fully u n de r s t a n d all the mi nor poi n ts of etiquette they do not abs olutely compris e pure poli teness for this m y dear girl mus t come from the hear t I t is your duty your s ocial duty to educate gently and by example the vari ous young men who come arou nd you i n the li ttle wa ys of etiquette , ’ , , , . , , , , . , , . , , , , , . , , , , , Side Talk s 20 th G ir ls wi whi ch t hey have i gnored heretofore bu t whi ch have seemed s o easy to you A clever man once s ai d that he could always tell from a young man s manner s the sort of women wi th whom he associ ated and really I thi nk thi s w as one of the best tri butes ever paid to the influence of woman I do not believe i n allowing men to conclude that becau s e you know them well and like them they can do as they pleas e before you I saw on e man subdue a fami li arity on the part of a n other on e eveni ng in a way that w as a delight to m y soul There had been a good bit of fun and laugh ter and the young m an who w as rather lively said taki ng out his ci garette case and looking inqui ringly at the you ng man who had bro u ght him I don t s uppose Miss S tuart would m ind ou r smoki ng Before the em barrassed hostess could do anything more than blush the other man said I have known her for five years and I have never even had the i mperti nence to That was a friend i n need Months as k her afterward the yo u ng m an made his apology and sai d that u p to that ti me he had gone amo n g w omen whom he had treated as i f they were all good comrades Again I repeat that i f on e wishes a friendshi p to last a woman mu s t be a man s c om panion and not his comrade , . ’ , ‘ . , . . , , , , ’ , ” . , , ” . . , . ’ , . Social The HER Life o f G ir l a 2 1 UES T I ON AND MY AN S W ER Q But s ays m y young gi rl you talk about my bei ng entertai ning to young men attracti ng them and retai ni ng them as friends What is thei r duty ? And don t you think they are bei ng c on s ide r e d a little too much ? Well you s ee my dear I am n ot talki ng to young men in the firs t place and then I do not thi nk they are being ca t e r e d to too much S oci ety is formed by the comi ng together i n pleas an t i ntercourse of women and men Its mai nspring is the family And though our gi rls are n ot sold to the highes t bidder nor are they slaves in an y sense of the word sti ll each on e real i z es that she wishes to marry because her heart is full of love and because i t is natu r al to gi ve that love to her op po s ite M an i t is clai med rules all the greater affai rs of li fe but i t has never been clai med that he ever attempted to take away from woman her social prerogative and this means a deal more than just deci ding how to amuse one s s elf and how not to be bored for i t m eans bui ldi ng u p a wall against wrong and showi ng the beauty and the sweetness of righ t My dear gi rl you can do that S ociety is good or bad as women m ake i t and about you although you may spend your da y behind the d es k or b e , , , . ’ ” , , , , , . . . , , , , . , , , , ’ , . , . , , Side Talk s 22 th Gir ls wi busied i n hous ehold matters you can collect the best of s oci ety and get the greatest amount of hap f o t i t H ave a li ttle confidence in your i n es s u o p self ! don t be afrai d to thi nk ou t problems for yourself and w hen you have worked them ou t i n your mind don t be afraid to put them i n practi ce but al w ays with courtesy S oci ety cannot exist wi thout politeness and poli teness means consider ation The Ameri can girl has shown all the world over her adaptabili ty Now let her make the best soci et y wherever s he may be S he can do i t for s he does n ot lack brains s he does not lack consi derati on but j ust at times s he does not s e e the value of conventionali ty I want her to think over how i t protects her I want her to be the girl i n s oci ety popular and pleasant whose greates t charm is that while she is courteous to every body she i s always si n cer e and doesn t make blun ders That is the art of social li fe , . ’ , ’ , . , , . . , . , , , . , , ’ , . . G IRL LIFE I N N E W Y O R K CI TY OU are one among the many thousand s who write to tell me that you wan t to leave home an d make your ow n li vi ng Apparen tly you never stop to consider that doi ng your duty as a daughter is earni ng your ow n li velihood ! but bei ng pos s essed of a vague spi ri t of unres t you want to come to the great me t r 0polis and en ter the ranks ofthe workers recei vi ng i n abs olute money what i s con s id ered the value of your work H ave you ever thought ou t what gi rl li fe in New York is ? I mean the li fe of the girl who has to work for the money wi th whi ch s he pays for her bread and butter the clothes she wears and what e v er li ttle pleasure she has You have wonderful dreams of i ndependence You think how you wi ll rise and rise and rise and wi th the hopefulness o f eighteen you see a great future before you S u p pose I tell you exactly w hat the li fe of the N e w York working gi rl is I f this wi ll keep one girl . , , . , , . . , . . . th Gir ls Side Talk s 24 wi at home I shall feel that all my thought has not been i n vai n an d i f one gi rl is convi nced that by stayi ng at home and helpi ng wi th head and heart livi ng out her life as i t is planned for her s h e is doing ri ght I shall feel s o glad that extra thanks w ill go u p to H im who careth for all and before whom the ri ch and the poor are equal , , , , , , . T HE GIR L I N T HE GRE A T T O W N A girl who one year ago came to New York from a country town obtai n ed a posi tion i n one of the bi g s hops is Well liked by her customers and the people i n authori ty over her work s from eight o clock i n the morni ng until si x at ni ght with half an hour s i ntermission for luncheon and earns exactly s ix dollars a week S he is considered ex t r e m e ly fortunate for girls who are near her and who work for the same length of time are only earni ng four or five T he s ix dollars a week i n a small town s ounds like a great deal of money In New York i t barely keeps girl s from starvation or worse I will tell you how the money goes My friend pays four dollars a week for her board and occupi es a room wi th another girl ! her washi ng costs her fifty cents a week her car fare fifty more and she has one dollar left ou t of which to dress herself to bu y the little n ecess aries of li fe and S he tells me G od help her to get her pleasures , , , , , , ’ , ’ , . , , , . . , . . , . , , , , , . Side Talk s 26 th G ir ls wi but through this there comes the odor of every thing that is cooki ng or has ever been cooked and the warmth is quite s econdary to the vari ou s smells The gi rls bless them have tri ed to gi ve the place a home like air and there are a few photo graphs a book or two a li ttle Bible a devoti onal book and some of their belong i ngs about but all the womanli ness i n the world could not make home The food given oddly enough of a place like thi s If a girl w as ou t is not bad neither is i t good i n the open air and was healthy and well not knowi ng what the close air of a store w as s he could come in eat and enjoy her di nner but these girls ar e too tired to eat E verything seems too heavy to them and as the boarding house keeper takes them as boarders and does not propose teri ng to their speci al conditions for the pri ce they pay they are obliged to make the best of what they have Breakfas t at which too o ften li ver and bacon a n d o verdone s teak appear is not ap for the cloth bears the tains of the e t i z i n i n s d p g ner of the night before and a fresh napki n i n the morni ng is unknow n O ne or two cups of coffee are taken and i mproperly equi pped bod ily for the day s work the girl goes out to meet i t and begins by feeling ti red The laws of the S tate command that there shall be seats for gi rls when they are not actually employed but the near , , . , , - , , , , , . , , . , , , , , . - , , , , . , , , . , , , ’ , , , . , G ir l Life in N ew Yor k City 27 approach a Shopper ever s e es to th is is a girl leani ng i n a tired way agai n s t on e of the s hel v es D o you blame thes e girls for getti ng s o tired that they los e hope D o you blame them when s eeing s o little of happines s the m selv es they think G od has forgotten them ? You cannot m y friend you cannot es t . , , , , . HER S O CI A L L I F E My girl i s a s ocial little creature A t home the girls u sed to come i n of an evening and talk and laugh then s ome s weethearts would appear there would be m ore talking and laughi ng maybe a li t tle s i ngi ng and possi bly a lively game or two What social li fe has my girl now ? The other night some friends came to see her They were taken i nto the parlor which is a sti ff bare look i ng room wi th chai rs and s ofas arranged agai nst the wall and a black marble ta ble whi ch looks like a bier i n the centre O ther people were there and everybody whispered when he talked it w as not very cheerful I t failed to make a man thi nk that a girl i n that place migh t kno w how to arrange for a home or enjoy the delights o f a home n es t B ut what can m y girl do ? I n time i f s he has a sweetheart he and s he both get to n u de r s t a n d that i f they wan t to s e e each other they must go out to do i t and going ou t night after nigh t for this purpo s e does not al w ays tend to . , , , , . . - , , , , , . , , . , . , , , Side Talk s 28 th G ir ls wi keep a gi rl i n the s traight line I am sorry t o s ay this but m y own g irl told me i t was sadly true S he knew and I knew a pretty girl s uch a pretty girl who came to New York wi th the country ros es bloomi ng on her cheeks an d G od s ow n sunshi ne maki ng her hair lovely S he was you ng healthy and happy S he di d n ot know how to be careful s he did not know how to jus t make the bes t of things and get along as most of the girls do bu t s he wanted pleas ure She wanted pretty clothes and s he loved fun Well s he got i nto debt and then the theatres s a w her every night first wi th on e man and then wi th another and then — well She never comes i n the store now s he has plenty of fine clothes and she told a girl She met that she w as as happy as the day w as long but somehow that girl di d not believe her S h e did not have t o get up early i n the morni n g any more S he w as not answerable to anybody so but the girl who spoke to her went back s h e sai d and said to the other ones and there w as a tear I could not blame her ! S he was in her voice young and pretty and s he wanted happines s and pleasure I do not know whether s he has found i t or n ot but let s every on e of u s pray for help to t y and drag along r That is w hat the y pray for Think of it you happy people ! For help to try and drag along Maybe you You n e v er prayed for that at home . , . , , , , ’ . , , . , , , , . , , , , , , , . , , , , , , . ’ , ” . ! \ , . . . G ir l Yor k City Life in N ew 29 di d get tired of helping to make beds and wash dishes and fix over clothes but there were times that were your ow n when you could go i nto the room that was yours and thi nk all by yourself There is a deal i n that havi ng a place for your self and my girl does not get i t S he has to share her home with a friend And no matter how near an d dear anybody may be there are always ti mes when on e wan ts to be alone I t is the righ t But my girl cannot have of every human being i t as i t cos t s too much , , . , . , . , . . , . AT T HE F IRS T G L AN CE When m y girl first took her pos i tion s he won dered how on the wages earned s ome of the girls near her were s o well dressed After a whi le she discovered They were gi rls who li ved i n New York who were not obliged to pay thei r and who ow n board be caus e they had homes used thei r money entirely for their clothes They took t hes e pos it ion s because they wanted finer clothes than thei r parents could give them and the propri etors of the stores were only t oo glad to have well dressed girls behi nd their counters In m y ow n personal acquai ntance there is on e girl who dresses extremely well and who Shows that In S he lives well from her healthy appearance qui ry proved that her father is employed by the , , , . . , , . ' , - . , . 3 Side Talk s 0 th Gir ls wi G overnment , and that s he s pends more money than She earns for her weari ng apparel Many other girls are helped out by thei r fri ends at home s o that the girl w h o has to live and dress herself ou t of her ow n earni ngs unless She is very care ful chances the being discharged becau s e She does not look as well as the other youn g ladies behi nd the counter My girl is good at mend i ng and freshening up and as yet her eyes permit her to brush and clean her frocks i n the eveni n gs but gi rls who have been at work many years are unhappi ly forced ei ther to go Shabby and u nti dy looki ng or to mend their belongings on S un day because they are too tired at n ight I am not wri ti ng anythi ng that emanates from my fancy I am stating si mple facts and I know absolutely whereof I Speak T oo often becau s e s he 1 8 unused to thinking H er ou t money problems my girl gets i nto debt landlady m ay be ki ndhearted and trust her for a week s board or even for a little longer S he may have borrowed a li ttle money from a girl who has saved s ome and at the drug store or at the dressmaker s s he m ay have a li ttle accoun t What is She to do S a y that She pays her board promptly She w ill still find herself a week or two behi nd S he does not make eno u gh money to catch up and u nfortunately She seldom has the cour age to go to her credi tors and offer to pay her . , , , , , , , , , , . . , . , , . , ’ , . , ’ . , . , , , G ir l Life in N ew Yor k City 1 3 account i n very small s ums say fi fty cents at a time The burden of debt is abou t her neck ! if She is an hones t gi rl s he wi ll do as I have s u g g es ted ! i f not she wi ll leave the boarding -hou s e in d is grace go to a difi e r e n t neighborhood pos s ib ly do exactly the sa me thi ng there and as the des cent is always rapid s he will i n time lose all feeli ng of honor as far as mo ney is concerned True poverty has brough t her to that condi tion but did s he not s e ek that speci al s tate , . , , , , , . , , SUPP OSE Y OU A RE SICK That you are good to each other you worki ng gi rls when trouble com es is undeniable but oh s o little to be good wi th have You cannot u o y even gi ve of your time for i t do es n ot be long to It is possi ble that there is a ociety i n your o u s y store to which each on e contri bute s twenty fi v e cents a month ! then when you ar e si ck you r e bu t your board c e iv e from three to five dolla r s goes on jus t the same your wages from the store do not come there i s pos si bly a doctor certai nly medi ci ne but i f you have a long i lln ess the possi bi lity that your place has been filled s tares you i n the face There is no time t o look after ill people i n the work a day world E veryone of your comrades may be sorry for you may do her best to help you ou t but they ca n nei ther r e , , , , , , . - , , , , , , , , . - - . , , Side Talk s 2 3 th G ir ls wi serve your posi tion for you nor convi nce your employers that you are a nec essi ty A li ttle w hi le ago I w as i n one of the best stores i n N e w York when the girl who w as wai t i ng on me turned deadly whi te swayed to and fro and I thought w as goi ng to fai nt O ne of her comrades put her arm around her whi le an other fini s hed attending to me Then I said : I wi ll get a gl as s of water for that gi rl and speak to the fl oor walker and as k him t o allow her to go home but her friend sai d to me Please don t ma am ! Anni e has these fai nting attacks often and we all try to help her ou t but i f i t is once known h ow deli cate s he is s he will be dis charged and s he has nobody to take care of her What could I do ? I w as perfectly helpless for I could not guaran tee that after I went aw ay s he m igh t not be told that s h e could go but s he n eed not come back S o you s e e i n con s ideri ng the questi on of earni ng your livi ng i n New York you have to think of yourself as well or Sick and you must remember what enormou s chances you take , . , , , . , . , - ” , ’ ’ , , , ” , . , , . , , . GIR L S WHO PA I N T O R T E A C H omebody says You are only taki ng the class of gi rls who go i nto t he stores I do that because they form the greatest number and b e caus e they are the girls who come here from the S ” . , Side Talk s 34 th G ir ls wi She took to doing di nner card s They were mar but becaus e of the time devoted v e llou s ly artisti c to each She had to ask a higher price than people were wi lling to pay S he worked along with a brave heart and one day sold a picture for seventy five dollars that se venty fiv e dollars w as mortgaged to the extent of fifty but She pai d her debts and started to work agai n A woman fri end s at for her and the picture was sold because this speci al woman was the model A li ttle cooki ng w as done on the gas stove but the body w as not well cared for and after three years of struggling after three years of tryi ng to s ell pi ctures souveni rs di n ner card s or anything that the public s eemed to demand She broke down and cas ting pai nt brush es to the wi nd married Wi th what result ? Broken i n s piri t weak and i mpoverished i n body only able to live long enough to bri ng s he w as i nto the world a sad eyed li ttle baby to kiss i t once to turn her face to the wall and to clo s e her eyes to this world forever . , . , - , . , . - , , , , , , , , , . , , , , , . W H AT D O I M E AN ? T hat is what y ou are as ki ng and thi s is what I have to s ay I have no desire to s eem to wish to crush a laudable ambi ti on in an y girl but I do most earnestly pray that m y girls all over the country wi ll thi nk o v er this pi cture of girl li fe i n , . , G ir l Life in N ew Yor k City 35 New York Ci ty— the great ci ty of which you read and hear s o much — reali ze it s s orrows i ts worri es and the small almos t i nfini tesi mal amount of e n i n i t an d then thi nk of their li ve s at m e n t o j y home H elpi ng mother may grow ti res ome but i f you are si ck you wi ll be cared for i f you are tired you may res t and nobody like your ow n home people wi ll find s o much delight i n s eeing have a happy ti me I n your home you o u ar e y ear ning your ow n livi ng when you lend a helping han d ar e cheerful and bright and do your bes t to make others happy You are earni ng the bes t sort of a livi ng for you ar e maki ng li fe seem worth while you are trai ni ng yourself for home li fe and that is the best that can come to you Un for t u there are thousands of gi rls who have to n a t e ly work ou tside thei r homes ! gi v e them your s ym pathy and your greatest pi t y but get down on your knees and thank the good G od w ho made you for the pri v ilege of worki ng at home and of being ou t of the great world where there i s no ti m e for any thi ng but work where the si ck and the helples s fall by the w ayside unnoti ced , , , , . , , , . , , . , , . , , , , , , . T H E C O UN T R Y G I R L , H E country girl by whom I m e n the a , gi rl who li ves outside of the large ci ties h as always been very dear to me b e cause it has not been s o very many years since I knew What li fe i n a small town meant and when although I was only s ix miles from a large ci ty I deli ghted i n calli ng myself a coun try girl Nowadays the country gi rl seems to have an idea that i n some way her ci ty cousin is superior to her But my experience among both ci ty and country gi rls has taught m e that the country girl has un told advantages In the firs t place she has more time her life is not s o c om plex and s he has the leisure I am j udgi ng from her letters to educate her mi nd s trengthen her body and keep herself deli ghtfully femini ne When the ci ty cousi n comes to s eek green fields and pastures new she is I am afraid inclined to be a li ttle arrogant ! not i ntenti onally but b e , , , , , ‘ . . . , , , , , . , , , , , The Cou t G ir l n ry 37 caus e her li fe i n the ci ty has made her feel that S he knows all that is worth knowi ng and i t seems to her that the social law s of her small ci rcle gov ern the world R ight is righ t everywhere and at all ti mes but what would be counted a breach of eti quette i n the ci ty may be nothi ng but a neigh borly kindness i n the country and no thoug ht of wrong i s gi ven to i t unti l the city girl suggests i t Long ago She w as told that i t w as n ot correct for her to go dri v i ng wi th a young m an alone ! her cousi n i n the country fee ls very grateful when a neighbor who is going to the neares t town s tops and takes her i n his buggy and gi ves her ti me to do her shoppi ng at the country store and then bri ngs her back home ! there is not a thought of an yt hing wrong about this and Chevalier Bayard could not be m ore courteous than is her neigh I think the ci ty girl very often forgets that b or the coun try is not envi roned by an i ron raili ng wi th a plot of grass behi nd i t and a back yard Li li es gro w i n co u n try gardens an d country gi rls are very often as i gnorant of evi l as the li li es them s elves , . , , . , , , , . . , . T O I M PR O VE H ERSE L F A ques ti on that i s con ti nually asked by the girl who is far off from the picture galleri es the li bra ri es and the great centres of civili zation is how S h e shall improve her m ind S he does not wish , , , . Side Talk s 38 th G ir ls wi to be ignorant of what is goi ng on i n the world and yet perhaps s he meets no on e who has a b s o lu t e ly come i n contact w i th the busy world i tself N ow the bes t thing for her to do is to s e e the world as i n a looking glas s that is to read good newspaper s as many of the magazi nes as possi ble and best of all to di s cuss wi th someone else the ques tions of the day ! i t may be wi th her father her brother or her mother S he can keep he r s e lf well i nformed i n this way I am posi tively certai n many a country gi rl does I am equall y certain Then too whenever there is an opportuni t y i t wi ll be wise for her to blo t out the petty gossi p that ex ists in her ow n parti cular s e t and gen tly but eas i ly i nteres t her compani ons i n events and thi ngs i n the outsi de world rather than the affairs The country girl who will of the neighborhood thi nk ou t as She works away at her dai ly tas ks that whi ch is of i nterest t o the whole world is armed to go anywhere and to meet anybody for s he is feeding her mind wi th a diet that will stre n gthen and widen i t Don t my dear girl as I said before let yourself dri ft i nto the pe r s onal i ties of the neighborhood for as s ure as you do you wi ll become qui te as narrow as the city cousi n “ ou r s e t w ho thi nk s that what we do i n is as important as the acti on s of Mr G lads tone , . , - , , , , , , , . , , , , . , , , , . , , , , ’ . , , , , , ” . . The Cou t n ry G ir l 39 A BO U T HE R O PI N I ON S The coun try gi rl i s very apt to b e decided i n her views : she has had time to think them o v er and t o form them and s he has as the darki es down S outh say made up her mind B ut s he must not force her op inions on other people That is to s a y becaus e She beli eves on e thi ng she must not conclude that every one who di ffers wi th her is wrong S he may refuse to do what she does not think right bu t s he has no right to do i t i n such a manner that S he is a wet blanket upon everybody else What is on e man s meat i s dis t in c t ly another man s poison and difference i n educa tion i n surroundi ngs and i n habi ts may make wha t is wrong t o her righ t to somebody else While she would be horri fied at he r ci ty cousi n danci ng a V i rgini a reel her ci ty cous i n would be amazed at seeing her play a ki s s ing game at a church picni c This is j ust on e compar is on but i t gives an i dea of what I mean , , , . , . , ’ . ’ , , , , . , , . . A BO U T HER C L O T H ES T hat country girl i s wise who remembering that the blue of the skies and the green of the trees form her background e lects that duri ng the sum mer she Shall wear pretty cottons dai ntily made , , , Side Talk s 40 th G ir ls wi and wide brimmed s omewhat fantasti c s traw hats S he would be entirely out of place i n stuffy wool lens or elaborate silks and yet each on e of you knows that this mistake is sometimes made F or the morni ng she can have the si mplest ginghams or lawns and for the evening a somewhat more elaborate but sti ll a cotton costume S he is u n wis e in imi tati ng her city cousi n who n i ne ti mes ou t of ten looks over dressed when she is i n the country I wish I could make the country gi rl understand exactly the charm the restful charm that there is i n her si mplici ty and I wish I could make her con tent I know i t is in the heart of every girl to long for pretty gowns and a much betrimmed Si lk frock may look very charmi ng to the girl who has n ot one while to the u n p r ej u diced obser v er i t seems absolutely ou t of place - , . , . , , , . , - . , , . , , . WH A T T O T A L K A BO U T When th e city cou s in comes and the girls who are to have tea wi th you are all together don t ask ques tions about the silly habits of the town and above all things i f you hear of some si lly habit affected by a s o called fashionable woman don t attempt to imitate her in her folly Induce you r ci ty cousi n to tell you about the thi ngs worth seei ng and hearing abou t of the great paintings of t he w onderful naval Show and how ou r Amer , ’ , , , - , ’ . , , Side Talk s 42 A BO U T HE R th G ir ls wi SWEE TH E A RT O f course you belie v e i n him But s ti ll you hav e quite a fu nny little heartbeat when you s e e his eyes O pen wi de with admi rati on as he looks at your city cousi n who i n a ribbon trimmed gown of sum m er silk seems like a Dresden s tatuette I t i s useless to say you are foolish But you are I f he is worth anythi ng i f he is worth the havi ng he wi ll never gi ve you up for the ci ty cousi n and any courtesy he may Show her wi ll probably be n ot only because s he i n terests hi m but especi ally beca u se he loves you S weethearts m y dear are much truer than we gi ve the m credit for and if you want to keep yours believe i n hi m and that I f his s o called love has b eli ef wi ll m ake belief only been the fancy of a moment then be thank ful that by the appearance of the ci ty cou s i n you di s covered i n time that what you though t w as pure gold w as not even Si lver gilt S ome country girls tell me of li ttle li berti es they allo w thei r sweethearts and which can really not be called wrong but I wish I could make them understand how much more what a man cannot get is to him than what is gi ven to him as i f i t were No my dear country gi rl I do not of no worth thi nk you ought to let your sweetheart ki s s you whenever he wishes A kiss from you should mean . - , , , . . . , , , , . , , , , - . , . , , , , . , , . The Cou t G ir l n ry 43 that i t should b e an event and then he will be certai n that nobody else is getting your t r e as u r w and that you are hoarding great expres sions of affection for the ti me when you shall be his very ow n The city girl i n keeping her sweet heart at a li ttle d istance is very wis e and the coun try gi rl should be equally w ise I do n ot mean there should be no love maki ng— I like that old fas hioned word —but 1 do beli ev e that a li ttle t oo much freedom i s a s peck on the perfect frui t of love and i t i s on e whi ch i t is i n the power of the girl to pre v ent s o much , , , . , . - , . WHEN S HE G O ES T O T O W N The country girl away from home is a bi t t r ou b led S he doubts her gowns s he doubts whether She kn ows the ways and manners of the people and S he i s apt to be unhappy S he asked me the other day i f a book of eti quette would help her I s a y to her No The great book of etiquette is the world and it is read like the s maller book wi th the eyes H avi ng been properly trained you are not likely to make an y great mistake s an d the smaller custom s that di ffer i n e very town are easi ly acquired by watching what other people do and imi tati n g them onl y d o not i mi tate the wrong people I f you are in a hotel and the woman opposite you uses a toothpick and walks , . , . . , . , , , . , , . , Side Talk s 44 th G ir ls wi ou t of the room with one i n her mouth don t fol low her e x am m If the man nex t to you piles his e fork with vegetables by means of his kni fe as i f he were loadi ng a coal wagon don t follow his ex ample and i f somebody else near you tucks i n her napki n like a bib do not thi nk that well -bred people do such thi ngs If a dish that you have never eaten is put before you chat pleas antly with your neighbor u nti l you s e e how she eats i t I f v ery properly you do not care for wi ne and are at a table where wine is s erved s i mply signi fy in s ome u nobtrusive manner to the wai ter that you do not wish any Don t be afrai d of yourself i n conversation That is to say the chanc e s are you can talk as well as any girl i n the room but i f you begi n to s tammer and get nervous you wi ll neve r be able t o s ay anything and you w ill be credi ted w i th knowi ng n othing ’ , . , ’ , , , . , . , , , , ’ . . , , , . A BO U T T HE M E N S HE M EE T S Because a man li ves i n the city whi ch is his misfortune and n ot h is fault it must not be s u p pos ed that he is a black sheep roaming round seek i ng whom he may devour Though by the by from what I have seen of Sheep they devour i n a very qui et and poli te fas hion Men are better than they are credi ted wi th bei ng and one seldom s ay s or does an y thing to an i nnocent girl that is , , . , . , , The Cou t n ry G ir l 45 n ot quite right O f course there are i ll mannered men jus t as there are v ulgar women The coun t r y girl who is visi ting in town mu s t u s e that fine wan d of s elf protection to discover the on e from the other G entlemen are never over dre s s ed are never bo isterous and are never effusive It i s bes t i f possible to avoid maki ng enemi es and s o the coun try gi rl must use a li ttle tact I do n ot thi nk the coun try girl needs t o be told she must never accept an i nvitation from a man who is not a relati on to go wi th him alone to any place I f he wi s hes to do her any honor he wi ll make u p a party properly chaperoned and then The coun s he can have a thoroughly good ti me try gi rl looks a t me an d wonder s i f I th ink S he would do anythi ng w rong I do not I not only beli eve i n her but I be lieve i n the Ameri can man yet i n most l arge ci ti es there are certai n soci al laws that must be ob s erved and the protecti on of a young gi rl by an older woman is on e of the m ost i mportant It is true that the gi rl s m other may have gone to a concert to d rive or to supper wi th a young man that all her friends di d i t and that i n those days i t w as cons i dered qui te proper But we have grown older as a people and we have got that wisdom whi ch teach e s us that to keep ou r young gi rls perfectly protected is the greatest of all I k n ow that a girl who d esires to do wrong can do so wheneve r she wishes she can say the im - . . , - - , . . , , , , . , . , , . . . , , , ’ . , , , , . , . Side Talk s 46 th G ir ls wi proper word or s he can act improperly when She k nows her chaperon is n ot looki ng But I am thankful that among American girls thi s type is unusual and that most of them are glad to have wi th them an older woman who s uggests the pleas antes t ways ou t of di fficulti es and who places near to each other the people She thi nks are a t tracted the on e to the other , ‘ . , , , . MY C OU NT RY GIR L S TO When my country gir ls are readi ng this I shall be off where the grass is green where the s weetes t flow e r s in the world bloom and where a lazy river runs bes ide a very old fashi oned town and there I wi l l meet the girl I am very fond of—the cou ntry gi rl A nd we wi ll gossip i n good fai th about books an d pi ctures and she w ill tell me lovely stories about the flowers and the woods and she will take me to dri ve j ust before the sun sets and we will stop at a far mhouse and get a dri nk of milk and then when I get back home I s hall feel s o deligh tfully tired The ri ver will si ng me to sleep and after I have said my prayers and asked a blessi ng upon all my girls I wi ll u ncon s ciously add to the fervent Amen G od made the country an d man made the town , , - , . , , , , . , , , ” , ” . H E R L E TTE R AN D MY ANS WE R letter It has become neces s ary for m e to earn my own living I have been deli cately reared and well educated but I am not v ery strong physi cally People say I am pretty F rom m y earli es t childhood I have had a great des ire to go on the s t age I thi nk of What would you advise m aki ng i t my li fe work me to do My answer is thi s : Take up any hones t em ployment i n preference to becoming an actres s You come fr om the S outh where women are ten de r ly brought up where great care i s taken of thei r sur roundi ngs of the mode of Speech u s ed to them and where con s iderati on is the keynote of a man s atti tude to women You are imagi nati ve and ambi ti ous you believe i n yourself an d although o u have in a vague way a Slight idea the o f y temptations of the stage you thi nk you are strong enough to wi thstand them S uppose you did suppose you were as pure as snow you would not H IS is he r . , . . . . . , , , , ’ . , , , . , Side Talk s 48 th G ir ls wi es cape calumny Do you think that your work would be suffi cient reward for the i nnuendoes the s hrugs and i n many instances the outspoken words of contempt ? I am goi ng to s peak to you very plainly I am going to tell you what I know to be true becaus e I have many fri ends on the and yet among them there is not on e s tage who when I have put the ques ti on I f you had your life to go over would you go on the stage ? has not answered No mos t posi ti vely . , , , , . , , , , n o ” . T HE L I F E OF A N A C T RESS What is the li fe of an actres s ? U nlike other women s h e has no home for i n thi s great coun try there are not more than five or s ix s tock c om n i and naturally the number actor i n a es o f s p them i s limited A woman wants the protecti ve i nfluence t he r e gu lar li vi ng and the deferences paid to moral laws only po s s i ble i n an established place of li v ing To day you are i n the North next week i n the S outh the week after i n the West and you ne v er have the time to make for your self an abidi ng place to surround yours elf with friends or t o think about the advisabili ty of li v i ng regularly You arri v e i n a strange town at three o clock i n the morning ! the advance agen t has not noti fied you about the hotels and i t is possi ble that i f you wish to go to a res pectable , , . , , - . , , , - , , . ’ , 5 Side Talk s 0 th G ir ls wi T HE A T MO SP H ERE OF T HE FOO T L IG H T S - thi nk i t wi ll n ot be di fferent from an y other but i t will and i t is It seems to cause the growth of envy and a good deal of u n c har it a b le n es s Your friend of yesterday to whom you wondered how you would get along is your enemy of to day Why ? Because you had a round of applause and a line of approbati on i n the morning paper The stage director orders you at a certai n ti me to take the centre of the stage the leadi ng man is i ndignan t at your b e i ng pus hed forward he revenges hims elf at night “ by movi ng his face i n s uch a way muggi ng is the s tage s lang that the audience is attracted to him and from you The next day he is repri manded before the whole c o mpany and the result of i t all is that you have made a bi tter enemy i nnocently enough and on e who does not but who is only s peak to you the entire s eas on too r eady to s peak against y ou You thi nk men do not do this off the stage ? My dear they do i t on This is not the worst When two or three or four or five members O f the theatrical profes sion meet what do they talk about G reat play s ? G reat actors ? O r the value of study ? O h ! n o T he s uccess es and fai lu res and folli es What you hear will s hock you of each other You , , . , . , , - . , . , , , . , , , , , . , . , . . Her Le tt er My A n s w er an d 5 1 at first though you get to think nothi ng after awhi le of the abs olute lack of reverence Shown for good The woman who tries to a nything that is lead a good li fe is laughed at I do n ot mean by t his that there are not good women on the s tage but I do know that i n almost every cas e their goodnes s i ns tead of be ing a subject for prai s e is trea ted not only by the s tage people but by the news papers half s corn fully , . . , , , , , T HE WAYS A N D MA NN ERS do not expect to find stage hands wi th the manners and courtesy of properly trai ned s e r van ts but do you expect to find the greates t fa m iliar it y existing and also to hear s ome profane lan guage ? To s w ear like a s t a ge carpenter is an ordinary comparison What e ffect is i t going to ha ve on you in time I t is possible you may not grow equally profane but you wi ll be come s o accus tomed to i t that i t wi ll no lo n ger offend you Long tiresome ri d es wi th li ttle or no food lunch of the ki nd furnished at a railroad maki ng i t eas y for you to learn to s tation take a li ttle somethi ng to strengthen you and a fter you have been as s ur ed again and agai n that there is no harm and a great amount of cons olati on i n a cigarette you try on e Who can blame you N ot I for what you do but I am telli ng you thi s You - , . , , . , , , , , . , Side Talk s 2 5 th G ir ls wi to keep you from putting yourself i n a po s ition where such temptati ons may come to you Le t me tell you what a manager said to me the other day H e w as talki ng of on e woman who had been i n his company and who had been discharged O n my as ki ng hi m the reason he sai d H er great charm w as her womanli nes s S he called i t pers onal magneti s m ! but i t w as because she w as such a real woman that s he held an audience Now after t w o s eas ons on the road she may be a better actress but s he is not as attracti ve s he has become like all the rest of them and he r charm is Was i t her fault ? I cannot s ay I only gone know i f s he had been livi ng ou t a more protected li fe She would have remained her ow n s we et s elf much longer . . , . , . . , , , , , ” . . ‘ . THE UE T I O N S Q OF WA GE S But y ou clai m that women make more mone y Do they H ave you ever counted on the s tage i t up ? H ave you ever thought ou t the number The salary offered seems large of ri ch actresses to you there are few profes s ions i n whi ch you would get as a beginner twenty fi v e thirty nv e But i n what or possibly fifty dollars a week other profes s ion is the outlay so great ? Fe w companies are on the road more than ni ne months duri ng the year many of them not that long S o e ven i f you are r e engaged the r e are three months . - , , - , , . , . - Her Le tt e r an d My A n s wer 53 when you earn nothing at all T lie n during the long busy days of the rehearsal you receive no D uri ng that time your clothes have t o be s alar y got an d unless you have been provi den t and have saved some m oney you are obliged to go i n debt for them a n d thi s means payi ng more for them than you would i f you could gi ve ready money I t is necessa ry for you when travelli ng to go to a res pectable hotel an d these are seldom cheap of course i n some of the lar ge ci ties you may find s ome les s ex pensi ve place but when you are only goi ng to be i n a town for a few days you have not the time to hun t u p a b oardi ng h ouse You are obli ge d to look well and the we ar and tear on your clothes is very hard I t is poss i ble that on e of your stage costum e s is an ela b orate evening dres s —the average dres s i ng -room is a di rty n u car pe ted place that i n your ow n home you would not o ffer to the lowes t servant F rom the dres s i ng room to the stage the walk is rough and dusty and the s tage i tself is too often covered by a car n e at all when h as o that is hea v y wi th t i t e p dus t The expe nsi ve gown is soon soi led a n e w on e has to be had and even though you do have your gowns cleaned this process is e x pe n si ve Wh en the outlay is cons idered I do not thi nk the average actres s —the average on e t e member—e arns much more money than the girl who s tan ds behind the coun ter i n a go od s hop . , . , , , . , , , , - . , . , , . - , , , , . , , . , , . Side Talk s 54 HO PES OF t h G ir ls wi T HE GIR L I N FRO N T have an i dea that as travelli ng i mproves m os t people the goi ng through the country wi ll do the same for y ou H ow many actresses know anything about the places where they have been ? Thoroughly ti red out after the night s perform ance they sleep u nti l late the next day and then i f there is not a rehears al seem to find more pleas ure i n stayi ng i n thei r rooms reading no v els or playi ng cards unti l i t i s ti me to go to the theatre again TO O O ften all they know abou t a place is the distance from the s tation to the hotel and from the hotel to the theatre i tself I am not I absolutely know i t to s tati ng this a s a s urm i s e be true T he li fe i ncli nes one to i ndolence and the thought of going ou t to take a walk or to s e e the places of i nterest never seems to enter the head of the average actress You thi nk s he talks — well and is v ers ati le S he talks eas i ly her pro fe s s ion has given her control of word s ! i t is to her advantage to be able to si ng a li ttle play a li ttle and dance well bu t mo s t O f her ac c om h e h as nei ther the S m n ts ar e superfici al h l i s e p time n or the incli nation to take u p any s tudi es or to thi nk ou t ques tion s that are not of immediate use to her You had hoped by goi ng to that well of E ng You , . ’ , , , , . . . . , . . , , , . , . Her Lett er My A n s w er and 55 lish u n de fi le d the works of S hakespeare to im pro v e y ourself s o much mentally that you would an s tand ou t as an i ntellectu al woman as well as actres s M y dear chi ld the average actre s s i n readi ng S hakes peare looks for the bu s i nes s that i t will give and does not trouble herself about the meani ng o f the words or the subtlety of the character as painted by the great wri ter After you have been laughed at you wi ll i n a little whi le get to be like the res t of them for as on the stage you imi tate somebody el s e s o off i t you wi ll u nconsci ously exercise your mi meti c power , , , , . ” , . , , , , , , . T HE A C T RESS AND T HE W OMA N You thi nk I am severe You thi nk that you can li ve your ow n li fe as you wish i t withou t gi v ing a though t to the people about you My chi ld this is impo s s i ble Uncons cious ly we are impressed by ou r environment and people w ith whom we are thrown i n conta ct day by day are each doing s omething for or agains t u s They may never know i t I do n ot like to think any human bei ng would wi lfully s e t a bad exam ple and yet the mere li ves of s ome people make the di fference between good and evi l seem les s You imagi ne you can keep to yourself You might i f you were the star of the company but as you are not as you dress i n the room wi th someone else . . . , , , , , . . , . . , , , Side Talk s 56 th G ir ls wi you are forced i f only for your ow n comfort t o be ci vi l to all those around you And civili ty and familiari ty are almost synonymous back of the foot lights A very curi ous habi t increases this fami liari ty —somebody wants a li ttle rouge some body wants a li ttle powder ! would you mi nd lendi ng a pair of stocki ngs to somebod y else ? At first you resent this lack O f recogni tion as to m ine and thi ne but after awhi le you gr ow to be like your comrad es A t fi r s t —and now I am going to s a y something that because I am a woman I can s a y—a t first y ou bi t your lip and blushed at the freedom wi th whi ch words were u s ed— words that you had never heard before ! you lo s t your O pportunity to stop s uch conversation when i t began and you will be s urprised to discover later on how first you listen and then i ndulge i n i t yourself I do not know why it is that back of t he painted curtai n there seems to crop up like weed s most of the small v ic es You cannot get out of i t by isolating your s elf I will prove thi s by telling you something , , . - . , , . , , , , . , , . . . FROM PERS ON A L K NO WL E D GE A woman a young woman and a pretty woman who has managed to keep herself free from r e proach and who is a well -known actress never m m gle s with the company Between the acts she , , , , . Side Ta lk s 8 5 th G ir ls wi exci tement all around S i nce the night before someone had entered the dressing ro om of another actres s had taken the scissor s and mali ciously sli t u p in strips the dress whi ch s he wore i n the play There w as not time to get another on e It w as a peculiar dress and so S he had to be out O f the bi ll for the afternoon I asked i f they did not thi nk a crazy person had done i t and I w as told con fi de n t ially that i t was u ndoubtedly a member O f the company a girl who w as the rival i n Singing and danci ng of my friend I t w as hard to believe this but I was assured i t was true I t is possi ble that you thi nk I am severe m y dear gi rl bu t I want you to see the o t her si de and to reali ze that the applau se the gayety the brightness belong to the audi ence and that there is very li ttle of i t b e hi nd the curtain Among my ow n fri ends I num ber women who are on t he stage good women honest women and true women bu t not one of the m wishes a Sister or a daughter of hers to follow i n her footsteps . - , . . , . , , . . , , , , , , . , , , , . AN I M P OR TAN T o n u r s r ro Although you do need to earn yo u r own livi ng you think that some day Pri nce Charmi ng wi ll a p pear and make you his wife S uppose he happens to be an actor suppos e you are true to each other what kind of a li fe wi ll you have ? You wi ll n ot , . , , Her Lett e r an d My A n s w er 59 i n reali ty be a helpmate and companion to the man you love you wi ll only bear his name And he ? Is i t surprisi ng when you two are so far apart that he should not always make you first i n his thoughts ? H e wi ll be away from you m any months i n the year F ew managers care to em ploy husband and wi fe so i f you remai n on the stage you m a y be i n on e part of the country whi le your husband is i n another and when the vacati on “ time comes you just stay some place unti l the s eason be gi ns agai n When you were cre ated i t was i ntended that you should lead the the life O f a wom an and li ving the li fe of a woman mea ns havi ng a home of your own and maki ng out of your li fe a sweet fragrance that wi ll ri s e and be accepted as tribute by H i m who created you I t wi ll not be eas y to do this i f you lead the wanderi ng li fe that the stage demands and the very fact of your being young and pretty wi ll tend to les s en your chance rather than to increase i t My dea r I beg of you to select any work rather than that w hich the stage offers you The play er s li fe is n ot calculated to bri ng ou t the virtues of a woman . , . , , ” , . , , . , . , . ’ . T K U I E W A L S G I R L S F O R Q OMEONE asked not very long ago why women went ou t into the w orld to work ! whether i t was for love of money or for love of work w hether i t w as to get away from home or whether i t w as wi th the des ire to become famous I think oftenes t and I am forced to think this from i nnumerable letters I recei ve from my girls—that the gi rl who goes ou t into the workaday world to earn her own bread and bu tter does it because of the necessi ty But when the question of making one s own livi ng stares one i n the face a n d what on e must do to gai n this li veli hood has to be decided upon noth i ng is more common than to see the quickness wi th which girls choose the paths i n li fe which are a l ready overcrowded They think they would like to make their living by writi ng They have read about some woman who has ma de money and fame by her pen They hear of her to — day what about the ten long years , , . . ’ , , . . . Q u iet Wa lk s for G ir ls 6 1 when s he worked unknown to make this reputa ti on ? They hear of a w oman painter who got a big check for her pi cture They thi nk they have talent of the s ame sort There are mi llions of women w ho have thought the same but w ho to day are decorati ng cups and saucer s that do n ot sell Won t my girls have the moral cou r age to try an d ear n the bread and butter i n on e of the qui et walks of life What are the quiet paths of life Well here is one , , . . , ’ . , T HE N URSER Y G OVER N ESS You may be only s eventeen years old w hen i t becomes neces s ary for you to take care of yourself o f r L know nothi ng reek ati n and you o u G o y could not trai n a young girl for college but you have the three R s at your fi n ge r tips you are good - tempered and you have accumulated a store of pati ence Now t r y for the po s i ti o n of nu r s ery go v ernes s I n a bi g ci ty I ll tell you what tha t means A t ni ne o clock i n the morning you enter the nu r s ery where your s mall pupils are rangi ng in years from three to seven ! probably there are thr ee of them There is a pleasant H ow do -you do because fi r s t of all you mu s t And then the S O called le s m ake them like y ou The s even -year O ld hav i ng mas tered s ons begin her letters and knowing how to read i n single and , , ’ - , , . ’ . ’ . , . - - , , , - . - . , 6 Side Talk s 2 th G ir ls wi possi bly double s yllabled words reads a s tory that i nterests the other two or at least on e of them whi le the baby starts i n to build a ho u s e O f alpha bet blocks wi th the letter A Then on top for the seven year old you set a copy on the slate -preferably her name fi v e o l and the yea r d to ! whom you s hould devote your clo s est attention teach to spell words from a picture u h w o o y book Before you know it will be eleven o clock and the nurse will be ready to go ou t wi th you S he puts on the li ttle people s wraps and gloves and hats and you as s uperi or oversee thi s Then once i n the open square you teach the chi ldren to w alk properly and to speak poli tel y to any a c quai ntance whom they m ay meet and at the end of the exercise hour you may let them have a run that wi ll no t be t oo boisterous At home agai n a li ttle after twelve preparati ons are made for the midday di nner Then you mu s t watch Baby must be tau ght that i t isn t righ t to s wallow thi ngs whole the nv e year old m ust be educated not to pile his fork wi th vegetables and the s ev en year old must be Sh own how to help herself to the dish that is passed to he r Wi thout droppi ng i ts contents After a li ttle on the table cloth or the carpet ti me the girl is given a thimble and you teach her how to s e w while the boys are busy wi th whatever wi ll occupy them quietly At half past two you - , , , ” . - - - - , , . ’ , . ’ . , , . , , , , , . , . . ’ - - - , - . , - . k i s t W a l G l s o r r Q f u 63 ie go home a n d i f you are as willi ng and as eager to succeed as one li ttle woman I know when the half hour s tri kes you wi ll have your pupi ls hang ing to your ski rts expressing thei r regret at your departure and wishi ng that you mi ght li ve wi th t hem forever and forever The average nurs ery governes s is pa i d thi rty dol lar s a mon th and of course s he has her di nner S ometi mes several families will uni te make a little group of s ix or ei ght children who w ill all be taugh t at the house of whoever has the larges t nurs ery But when that is th e cas e the governess s hou rs last from n i ne to one she is paid m ore and she does not di ne wi th her pupi ls There is n o publici ty about this positi on a college certi ficate i s n ot requi red i t is one that n o gentlewoman need s corn and yet i t is sai d to be very difli c u lt to find a good nursery govern ess , , - , , . , , . , , , ’ . , , . , , , . ANO T H ER N EG L EC T E D O CCUP A T I ON I t is that of maid I can see the s c offin g air with which this is recei ved and yet a good m aid n ot o n ly gets good wages but she has slight ex e n i t r d u e H er li vi ng is paid for and u sually sh e p eats by herself S he is very apt to have the gowns the black ones whi ch i t is most proper for her to assume gi ven to her on special occas i ons And i f she knows anythi ng about her work s he can . , , . , , . , , . Side Talk s 64 th G ir ls wi command twenty fi v e dollars a mon th It is ex p e c t e d of her that S h e should be neat know how to take care O f clothes be respon s i ble for her mis tress s jewelry be able to bru s h hair and do or I f s he is ambi tious and will din ar y mendi ng learn to dres s hair teach herself how to make over dres ses and proves able to take care of her mi s tres s when s he is ill s he can earn fifty dollars a month No education except that of the heart and that of the hands which every woman even i f s he doesn t know how to read n or wri te is s u ppo s ed to have is requi red for the posi tion of maid I have known good maids w ho were never made to feel for on e mi nute that i t w as a ques tion of m istress and maid and who gained this con fi de n c e and love by good work and consideration Pe r s onally I would much rather be mai d to a lady than stand behind a shop counter I know that many of my gi rls will disagree wi th me but I can as s ure them that the li fe is much easier - . , , ’ , . , , , . , , ’ , , . , . . , . T HE P L E A SI N G C OM PA N I ON I know you from your letter You thi nk you could play L a dy M a che t k and yet you have come down to givi ng les s ons i n elocuti on and the average of teachers to pupi ls i n this li ne as quoted lately is ten to on e There are a great many women whose eyes bei ng a bi t weak like to be read . , , , , Side Talk s 66 th G ir ls wi i ngs happened to be lace or si lk ones i t might be worth while but the general stocki ng doesn t cost over a dollar a pai r and i t is really cheaper to buy new ones than be bothered by a strange woman comi ng i n to mend the old ones To the woman who can m end but who cannot remake I would suggest that a dollar a day and her board is qui te enough for her and when I say her board I mean two meals her break fast and the mi dday on e S he should learn as rapidly as possi ble where the fami ly for whom she w orks keeps the undarned s tocki ngs the torn skirts the worn linen a n d the shoes wi thout buttons And s he should i nduce her employer to purchase and keep for her a mend i ng basket i n which to keep the different threads the buttons and the tapes the hooks and eyes and d ifferent si z ed needles s o that when i t i s desi red the implement is to hand O nce s he has the repu t a t ion of bei ng a good mender and an hones t one her servic e s wi ll be called for once a week i n di f fe r e n t fami li es and i f s he is agreeable— and unle s she is no woman will succeed i n an y busines s— her patrons will s oon become her fri ends eager and anxi ous to advance her i nterests In Paris the ci ty of great luxury and great economy your laun dress can always recommend a mender to you s o that the forlorn bachelor is cared for and thou gh he may never see the woman who looks after his b elongings sti ll he gladly pays the laun dress for ’ , , . , , , , . , , , . - , , , , - , . , , s , , . , , , , , Q iet u Walk s for G ir ls her work and the lau ndress deducts a small percentage fello w ship , , pays her either they work in good he as s or , 67 , . S OM E O TH ER W O RKERS I n the large ci ti e s the young woman who knows how to mani cure has discovered that she can make more money and be more i ndependent by goi ng to her cus tomers at their houses S he c a rries i n her li ttle bag all her i mplements and i f her ser vi ces are rendered regularly s he wi ll be required from half an hour to an hour F or this she i s paid fifty cen ts and as her ti me i s u s ually taken up from ni ne i n the morni ng until si x i n the evening i t is easy to understand that she can make a n ice li ttle i ncome es pecially as i f when properly enough S h e is kept after si x she charges on e dollar The v isi ting hai r dres s er is equally fortunate S he com e s to do your hair every day at the hour w hich is most convenien t i t is not expected that s h e arranges i t i n an extremely elaborate way but she brush es i t well shampoos i t once a mon th cur ls the front and arranges the back as you like i t F or this S he is pai d fifty cents or two dollars and a half a week S he can get through with almost any head i n half an hour provi ded s he is not de t ai ned and i f her servi ces are needed for the evening and an elaborate coiffure is de . , . , , , , , . - . , , , . . , , , Side Talk s 68 th G ir ls wi She charges a dollar ex tra Duri ng the gay season the extras are many and as at all ti mes women like to h ave thei r hair look w e ll most O f the m ar e qui te wi lling to pay the pri ce th at s he asks O f course i n the case of the mani cure and the hai r dresser the first struggle is to get the cu s tomers ! after that to keep them This is done by havi ng an agreeable manner but on e that is not famili ar You must remember that you are not paying social visi ts but thos e of bus iness Then you must be prompt and be neat The bes t hai r dresser I ever knew lost most of her customers because she w as slovenly i n appearance and another on e who had every qualification nec es s ary to make a success i n her spec i al busi nes s w as equally u nfortunate becau s e s he w as never on ti me m an de d, . , , , . - . , . , . . - . S T I LL ANO T H ER W ORK I hav e spoken of Paris as the ci ty of the great est luxury and the greates t economy There is a work there whi ch has been u surped by men and yet whi ch should belong to women I t i s that of the professi onal packer Do you know how to pack a trunk well ? And i f you don t how many people do you know who do ? And wouldn t you gladly gi ve a dollar for a large and fifty cents for a s mall trunk to be properly packed ? The packer comes with dozens of sheets of ti s s ue . , . . ’ , ’ , Q u iet Walk s for G ir ls 69 p a per and s everal pi eces of ta pe You can S i t where your belongi ngs are and as ski rts and b od ices are taken down s ay whi ch you want Then the bodices have thei r sleeves s tu ffed wi th paper to keep them i n s hape the tri mmi ngs carefully c ov ered with i t the ski rts are properly folded ! t he bonne t s and hats have tapes pi nned to them and thes e s ame tapes are tacked to the sides of the hat b ox s o that no matter how much the trunk may be shaken not a feather n or a rose moves ou t of Then when everythi ng is done there it s place is lai d on the top of the last tray a list of the thi ngs that are i n the trunk s o that you don t los e your temper searching for the pi nk bodi ce which is n t there or the tan -colored shoes which you expres s ly requested should be left at home I do n ot suppose there is su ffici ent busi nes s i n the ordi nary town for a packer all the year round bu t I am quite certai n that once i t were known that you could pack well when the goi ng -away time came your servi ces would be i n great demand and you would seldom be ou t O f work . , . , , , . , ’ , ’ , . , , . W H AT I M E AN My dear gi rl i t is j ust pos sible that y ou are very foolish that you scoff at the hones t ways of earn in g a li ving about whi ch I have spoken Work is never dishonorable The manner i n whi ch i t , . . Side Ta lk s 70 . th G ir ls wi is done is all that can make i t s o The positi on you occupy is gauged entirely by the worth of your work A thorough mender is a thousand times better than a careles s dressmaker You would be horri fied i f I called you dishonest and yet when you force your friend s to b u y on e of your badly pai nted pi ctures when you ann oy editors w i th worthless stories and when m e dioc ri ty stamps whatever you do i t would be wiser and more honest for you to choose on e of the quieter paths i n li fe It is a misfortune for a woman to have to ear n her li ving But i t is a mi s fortune whi ch thank G od she has m e t O h When she s o many ti mes bravely and honestly goes out into that world where she has to gi ve a dollar s worth of work for a dollar then I do not think s he wants to be a b eggar but she is t his i f s h e tri es to foist upon a circle of acquai ntances and friends mi serable specimens O f work S he is self res pecti n g and honorable when she does well the work which she finds will pay her the best for after all we are all worki ng as the clever little Wes tern woman wrote about her newspaper Not for favor not for fun but for cash I do not want you al w ay s to think of the dollar as the sole ai m O f your work but I do want you to r e member that if you do good work you w i ll get good money . . . , , , , . . , , , , , . ’ , . , , , , , ” , , , ‘ . . A G I R L S R E L I G I O US L I FE ’ N every language i t has been said that a woman wi thou t religion i s like a flower wi thou t perfume and that i t is true i s best proven by the fact that men who have no belief grieve bitterly i f the women who belong to them are un believers I am going to have a li ttle talk wi th m y gi rls abou t what religi on means to them and what I thi nk i t should mean I say religi on because I hope that every on e of them respects the fai th whi ch is l ived up to by the other and that no one of them would dare question the right or the wrong of a beli e f that gave forth beauti ful blossoms O f puri ty sweet ness and chari ty F i r st of all then your religious life must be r e al You probably wonder w hat I mean when I say this and I am going to try as well as I can i n black and whi te to tell you E ach on e of you has please G od been t aught when you were a li ttle gi rl to say your prayers to read certain devoti onal ” , . , . , , . , , , . , , . , , , , Side Talk s 2 7 th G ir ls wi books and to do as nearly as possible that whi ch This you have accepted wi th the bean is ri ght ti ful fai th that comes only to a chi ld As you near womanhood you begi n to thi nk about t h e meaning of things You decide for you r s elf what i s right you make a public announcement O f your belief and of your i ntenti on to li ve up to that b e lief Almost i nvariably thi s is followed by an e f fort to li ve what you think is a spi ri tual life You mar k ou t for yours elf certai n pages that are to be read you think ou t the prayers you wish to s ay you are wi lli ng to work for the cau se i n which you beli eve and nothing gives you s o much joy as the absolute givi ng up of yourself mind and body t o reli gi on This i s what might be called the ecstasy of religi on You who are feeli ng i t will thi nk that I am cruel i n sayi ng t hat it is almost worse than no religi on at all because all such violent emotions have thei r opposi tes and are certain to turn sooner or later i n that d irecti on , . . . , . , . . , , , , , . . , . RE L IGI ON W I T HO U T RE L IGI ON Wrapped up i n prayer you find your daily du ti es troubles ome upli fted by heavenly words you regard the ordinary s peech of life as coarse think ing of the lives of sai nts and martyrs you seem wi cked and there is an absolute pleasure i n r e mi nding yourself of that fact N ow my dear gi rl , . , , Side Ta lk s 74 th G ir ls wi T HE SPIRI T U A L AND M A T ERI A L Your religious li fe is absolutely worthless unless w can make the spi ri tual side Sho itself i n your o u y daily life Dear O ld G eorge H erbert long ago wrote Le t thy mi nd s sweetnes s have i ts opera tion upon body clothes and habi tation Now are you doi ng this ? O r are you simply usi ng your religion as a course of aes theti c pleasure for yourself ? Are you li ving a negative li fe—that is doi ng what you thi nk correct as far as the out w ard observance of your religi on deman ds “ and as you put i t doi ng no harm to any body ? That last cond i ti on does not exist When you do n t do harm to people you do them good and s o you must be i n fluenci ng them i n some ways To your brother your sister your father or mother you are showing something of your religi ous life Are you gi ving them the im pression that rel i g i on 1 8 good to think of and talk about but not to li ve by —that i t makes very li ttle difference whether one has a belief or not when i t comes to a question of every -day life ? I f thi s is s o do you reali z e that you are an n ou n c i ng that whi le i t is i nteres ti ng i t is nei ther worth li vi n g by nor dyi ng for ? H arsh ? No I am not that I am only tryi ng to Sh o w you of how li ttle use is religi on unles s you make i t a . ’ , ” , . , , , , , , , ” . ’ , , , . , . , , , , . , A G ir l s R el igiou ' s fe Li 75 working on e I do not m ean by thi s that y ou shall se parate you r s elf from your people to work though there are thousands of or s olely for this ders where grea t and good w ork is don e by women who are called by G od to do thi s work but I am talki ng to you who are i n the w orld and o f the world and who each i n your ow n wa y can make that world better . , , , , , . A DAY OF Y OUR L I F E Jus t take a day of your life and work i t ou t You get u p a little late and i f you s top to s ay the long prayers that you usually do you can t help the children to dress What ough t you to do ? K neel down for a minute and reverently as k G od s help duri ng the day and thank H i m for H is car e during the night Then go to your work D on t do i t sullenly don t do i t as i f i t were a trouble but do i t cheerfully as a sister should Later on di fferen t duties ari s e and do not Shi rk on e I feel like s aying many ti m e s that there i s nothi ng s o pleas ing to G od as work that is done cheerfully ! i t is a prayer a very rosary of deeds Try throughout the day to speak the k indly word and be chari table even i n your though ts I f you have time to be alone for a li ttle whi le then the book you are fond of or the prayer you wish to s ay can be attended to b u t . , ’ . ’ , . ’ ’ . , , . , . , . , . , , , Side T alk s 6 7 th G ir ls wi who made you and placed y ou where you are H e who can read the heart thoroughly u n de r s t an ds that to do what your hand fi n de t h to do is wor s hi p G od , , , . T HE D U T IES OF RUE RE L IGI ON T I w ould not seem for on e m i nute to underrate the duti e s of religi on but I must say that I think young girls are too apt to remember the letter of the fai th rather than the spiri t I t is right that you Should Show the world what you believe that there should be the outward visible s ign i n the a t tendance at church i n the respect sho w n to those occupyi ng spi ri tual posi tions and i n the doi ng of chari ty but and this is too O ften the case these good acts are coun ted first of all and the duties that come i nto one s li fe and which are j ust as i mportant are neglected A girl of m y acquaint ance who was very enthusiasti c said duri ng H oly Week l as t year to her clergyman Oh Mr Brown I am so weak I can hardly walk to church I have almos t starved myself this Lent I S he expected approbation she got none ! instead You are not only the clergyma n said to her a foolish but a wi cked girl You are not strong and should not have fasted at all As i t is you will be ill you will cause your mother who is a v ery busy woman much trouble and a great deal , . , , , , , , , ’ , . , , , , , , , , . , , . , . , , , A G ir l s R el igiou ' Life s 77 o f worry and i n the sight o f G od you have com m it t e d a great si n You have lacked cons idera tio n for others and you h ave ill treated the body whi ch w as made i n H is image I f you had kept yours elf well and strong and been a help to your mother your E as ter day migh t have been a happy on e bu t as i t is i t can only be filled w i th r e m o r se Pray for wisdom This explai n s better than I can what I mean when I t e ll yo u that you mu s t make your material and your spiri tual lives i n perfect harmony T h e soft an swer that turneth away w rath doe s mo r e to convi nce your brother of the value of your relig ion than all the prayers ever wri tten if you are ill tempered The forgi venes s rendered some on e who h as hurt you is more convi ncing of the be auty of the golden rule and of your living up to i t than all the societies that were ever formed for the benefit of the heathen To make reli gi on beautiful i n your ow n home and among your own people is a great work And i f every girl di d that there would be no heathen I know i t i s hard to always do the right thi ng I know i t is hard when there are beauti ful high and noble thoughts that we would like to enjoy alone to have to sweep a floor or mend a gown or bathe a baby bu t the doi ng of any of thes e gently and cheerfully is better t han thi nki ng high thou gh ts —it is li v ing them , . - , . , , , ” . . . , - . , , . . . . , , , . , , S ide Ta 8 7 T HE lk s th G ir ls wi GIR L AT PR AY ER I do n ot know that I can tell any girl how to pray for each of us unco nsci ously has her own way All that I can do i s to tell you mi ne G od H imse lf has never seemed far off from me and there is nothi ng for whi ch I would n ot as k H im I thi nk H e knows my temptations and H e knows me physically and men tally Therefore when I say Dear G od take away th is sorrow or give me th i s p leas ure I kno w H e understands and wi ll do as seemeth best to H im When the burden of the day be comes almost too gr eat the “ Lord help me cr y is only And I tell you from m y hear t that I have never prayed and fou n d m y prayer unanswered not al w ays perhaps just i n the way I ex pected i t but i n ti me I s aw the w isdom o f i t all I beli eve i n spoken prayer but I beli eve als o i n the greatnes s of the prayer that is never uttered by the lip s I believe that with G od every i ntense wish is a prayer and as di d the preachers long ago s o I warn you to beware of that for whi ch thou w is hes t wi th all th y heart Many girl s not content or not feeling sure of the words that would come from their ow n hearts appreci ati ng the majesty rather than the mercy O f G od prefer a formula of prayer , . . , . , . , ” , , ” , , . , ” , , . , , , , . , . , , , , . , , . , A G ir l ’ R el igiou s Life s 79 O f this I only have to say do not get i nto the habit of repeati ng i t thoughtlessly but linger over the beauty of it s words and realize what t he y mean every time they are uttered The u niversal prayer the one wh ich asks O ur F ather for help an d wisdom and chari t y and s weetnes s is simple enough for the b elongs to all of u s youngest to u nde r stand an d magni ficen t enough i n it s words and i ntenti on to satisfy the most intellectual That is all I can s ay about prayer because when we pray and how we pray m u s t b e arranged by each only we do not want our pray e r s to be mere words nor do we wi s h to go on the housetops or the highways to make them , , e . ” , , , , , , , , . ' , , . VA L UE OF SE L F -E ! AM I N A TI ON T here is probably no way to arri ve at one s r e ligiou s condi tion s o valuable as by s elf exami n a tion and by thi s I mean the li v i ng over i n your thoughts the hours of the day and the seei ng wherei n you have made mi s takes and how i n future they can be avoided S ometi mes this pr ac ti ce is carri ed to such a degree that hope is dri ven away from one but this is only when on e is not looki ng at the world j ustly and is too prone to see the dark side of the cloud and not i ts silver li ning Probably the be st way to examine one s conscience is to s a y to one s s elf the Ten Com ’ - , , , . , , ’ . ’ Side Talk s 80 th G ir ls wi . gi ving a thi nki ng time after each to see i f on e has commi tted the small Sins that whi le they are n ot menti oned by words are yet really i ncluded in the Commandments True you may not have s tolen anything but have you been qui te j ust ? Certainly you have not killed any body but have you been cruel i n act or word ? You have not been u nchas te but have you looked at or listened to anything that you would n ot like to tell G od about ? H ave you by a qui ck word a s ullen temper or an ungraci ous manner shown lack of respect to your elder s and superiors ? H ave you even by i nnuendo or by a si lence that spoke louder than words borne false witnes s against your neighbor ? And have you with that question of who is my neighbor ? neglected to do a ki ndness Do you know that i n a beautiful garden where the rose trees grow there sometimes comes on e poisonous plant that ki lls thei r beau But this seldom happens Much t y at once ? oftener when no at tenti on is gi ven to it thou s and s O f little weeds spri ng u p and choke O ff the growth of the ro s es s o that they wi ther and lose thei r loveli ness li ttle by li ttle Now if you wi ll only recogni ze the li ttle s i ns and pull them up every day you wi ll be i n condition i f the great on e comes to hew i t down wi th the Sharp battle axe of religi ous s trength s o that i t wi ll not hurt you m a n dm e n t s , , , , . , , , , , , , , , - . , , . , , , , . Side Talk s 82 WH E N HO PE th G ir ls wi SEE M S G ON E There comes to every on e of us a ti me when li fe seems full of darkness and all the as ki ng for li ght remai ns u nanswered There comes a time w hen e v erythi ng we do is darkened when hope s eem s gone and life i ts elf is made up only of the dark and dreary times These days always come wi th the greatest i ntensi ty to the girl who is most enthus i as ti c and mos t emoti onal And thes e are the times when she needs to pra y continually for help t o hold on to her belief S ometi mes thi s condi ti on comes from purely physical reas ons agai n fro m mental ones ! sometimes one is so ti red wi t h working and s eeing no apparent result and agai n on e grows weary of calling for help and apparently getti ng none The wi s es t girl once i n awhi le grows weary i n well doi ng Un belief w alks like a skeleton everywhere The true fai th may be yours i t may be mine The good S amaritan had i t for he took care of the poor and the Sick and asked n o ques tion s I t is the faith that makes men and women live better li ves do more good i n the world an d teaches the m to let thei r own li ves be the lan t e r n s t o gui de the doubti ng over the troublesome path i Are you goi ng to let the world scoff at your fa i th Are t h you goi ng to let i t be on l spoken and not the y , . , , . . . , , , , . - . . , . , . , , ' . e A G ir l ’ R el ig iou s Life s 83 acti ve belief ? O r are you goi ng to let people see how happy and how good i t is to have s uch a fai th by letti ng them :see how happy how good how lovi ng and how chari table your ow n li fe i s ? Un less you mean to do this to try to do this you wi ll never convi nce anyone that y ou have the true fai th You w ill never convi nce anyone that yours is the true fai th when you attack every other I n the Talmud is the s tory of the many pi lgri ms who came to the gate of a great ci ty ! each was hungry and thi r sty each spoke in a di fferent lan guage and s aid one word They looked angri ly at each other and i t almost seemed as i f they were comi ng to blows when the keeper of the gate H e listened to each on e s e nt for an interpreter smi led and sai d G i ve them grapes each i n his ow n tongue has asked for them Peace w as restored and they became friends Now each O f us i n ou r way is tryi ng to get to the K i ngdom of H eaven ! each of u s may take a different mode of express i on but as we know what the desi re of each i s Shall we sco ff at the mode of speak ing ? My dear girls respect the belief o f every human bei ng no matter how differen t i t may be from your ow n for i t is G od not you who will j udge of the right an d the wrong , , , , , , , . . , . , , , . , , ” . . , , , , , , , . , T H E S MA LL FA ULTS O F G I R LS H E Y can only be compared to the li ttle foxes You have a beauti ful bunch of grapes perfect in shape exquisite i n bloom looking as i f they must be lu s cio n s and sweet and you pi ck one expecti ng great pleasure but i t sets your teeth on an edge and you discover that at i ts very heart i t has been bi t ten by two Sharp li ttle teeth and i n consequence i t is not at all pleasant to the taste S o very many times is i t wi th the character of the young gi rl There may be abou t her everything that is charming ! She may appear agreeable attractive and am i able but s uddenly somethi ng occurs som e li ttle thi ng is sai d or done and you discover that the mental little foxes have bi tten at and taken away from her perfecti on In man y c as es a watch ful mother sees that the little foxes do n ot come near her daugh ter but qui te as O ften the watchi ng for them and the b e i ng careful that they are n ot per m it t e d to come near one mu s t be the work of the . , , , , , , , , . , , . , , , , , , . , , Small Fa n /t s The of G ir ls 85 girl her s elf T hes e s mall faults are at first trouble some to get rid of but when the effect that they have upon the character is realized an d i t is seen how qui ckly they grow from mere faults to a b s o lute Sins surely a gi rl will take all the care possi ble and n ot only discover them for he r s elf but hate them and conquer them . , , , , . T HE S IN OF SI L E N CE Usually much is s ai d about s peech bei ng s i lver and silence golden and yet there are times when Si lence i tself is a S in I f someone you kno w is being talked about spoken of mali cious ly and all her faults discu s sed w hat is your duty ? This T o thi nk up somethi ng abou t her that is good and to mention i t so d isti nctly that all the talkers w ill b e shamed out of hunti ng for her faults and will begin to look for her virtues V ery often you set your li ps tigh t and res olve n ot to s a y a word agai nst anybody and then you thi n k you have done your duty But you haven t A persistent si lence i n leaving undone that which you ought to have done has been your fault and that means committing a si n of omission S peak and speak quickly and honestly never hes i tati ng to t e ll of the vi rtues belonging even to your enemies b e cause after all i t is a mean thi ng m erely to keep si lent ! and i t is a great thing to control one s self , . , , , , . , ’ . . , . , , , , , ’ Side Talk s 86 th G ir ls wi so that one may speak w e ll of those for whom on e does not care O f the si n of speech you girls all know I t is the unnecessary word of fault fi n din g I t is seei ng and speaking of people s faults rather than search ing ou t and proclaiming their virtues I t is being wi lling to make people unhappy by nas ty li ttle s peeche s that may seem clever but are really rude I t is saying what you ought no t to s a y It is a l lowing free license to your speech I n time as the result you will get s o that you wi ll even look for the disagreeable trai ts among your friends and those whom you lo ve and you wi ll speak as qui ckly about them as about utter s trangers Irrespective O f the wrong that you do how long wi ll you r e tai n any friendships worth havi ng ? Men and women both are afraid O f the young woman w ho makes unkind speeches and s o I beg of you watch carefully that the si n of speech does not overcome and rule that organ which should divine o u b e y the tongue . . - . ’ , . , . . . , . , , , , . SI N S OF MANN ER In your manner you can commi t si n S ome body has jus t bee n introduced to you and i nstead of bowi ng pleas antly you give a sti ff haughty nod that makes a s hy woman feel u ncomfortable and cau ses her to have anythi ng but a pleasant O pi nion of you In your home you come i nto the di ning . , , . , t s of G ir ls Sma ll Fa u The 87 l room late for a meal throw yourself carelessly i n to a chai r and as you eat the semi cold dishes you sulk and refuse to speak to anybody When you are asked to help a little i n the household you start to do i t by banging the door and giving poor work because your heart is not i n i t and you make everybody about you u ncom fortable by your disagreea ble manner S ome on e comes i n to see your mother some old fri end and She wishes to present you to her You toss your head curl your li ps don t want to go but at las t yield pri ncipally from curi osi ty Probably the lady you meet is not very finely dressed nor can she chatter about social a ffai r s as you like your fri ends to bu t that do esn t exc u se your speaki ng to her i n the stiffest manner and maki ng her feel anythi ng but c om , - , , . , , . , , , . ’ , , , . , , ’ for t ab le . O N E OF Y OUR SI N S I f on e of your pet sins is to sulk I wi ll tell you what to do As pleasan tly as you can ask your mother to excuse you for a li ttle w hi le ! then go to your ow n room and si t i n fron t O f your look i ng glass Watch your face and see how ugly i t grows w hen you yi eld to thi s si n I am sure that i n a very little whi le you will be down on your knees aski ng G od to help you and making to H i m a promi se to do all that you can to help your sel f Another ugly fault and on e which is of . - . . , . , Side Talk s 88 th G ir ls wi m anner , consists i n finding nothi ng to your liking O f co u rse you display this fault at the home table mo s t promi nently bu t w hen you are visi ting you make your hostess feel u ncomfortable although you don t s ay a word by refu si ng everythi ng on the table except bread and butter and tea N ow my dear unless you lear n to avoi d this s in of m anner you should eat by yourself at b o in e and not be permi tted to go visi ting . , , , ’ , . , , , . SI N S OF D ISRESPEC T You think that respect is only necessary to your father and mother and yet i t is absolutely due to whoever is older than you whoever i s greater and whoever i s better F lippant speeches and carel essness of manner Si mply stamp you as being very ignorant F ancy making an O ld lady a sub f j est as I heard a gi rl doi ng not long ago e c t o ! j It happened to b e true that S h e w a s odd that s he dressed m uch too young for her years and that she seemed to forget that She was no longer a young woman still no matter what s he di d that di d not excuse the light cri ti cisms that were passed upon her And you and I my friend are just as likely to be foolish when we are old There were many good thi ngs i n this O ld lady s li fe ! to many a young girl had s he given a pretty party dress and nothi ng pleased her so much as to collect , , , . . , , , . , , , . ’ , 9 Side Ta lk s 0 th G ir ls wi language made to seem a something of great im portance After awhi le thi s habi t grows upon you and your fri ends laughi ngly s ay , If you want to be amused listen to F lorence i f you want the absolute truth of the affai r as k somebody else E xtravagance i n dres s very often means im — proper dressing over dressi ng Possibly you kept the greater part O f your money and wi th i t bought a fine silk frock only fitted for eveni ng or vi s i ti ng wear and yet after i t has seen a li ttle serv i ce you are forced to go to business i n i t What you ought to have done was to get a smart looking woollen gown and then when the time came for i t to be used for every day wear i t would have been qui te proper Thi nk i f you are among the butterflies whether you are not ex t r a v a ga n t in urgi ng those who love you best to gi ve you pieces of j ewelry which they really can not afford and whi ch are utterly unsuited to the li fe you li ve Many a business man can trace his down fall to the diamond ear rings for whi ch wi fe And then a woman or daughter begged so hard is seldom satisfied wi th just one bit O f pretti ness S O my dear girl unless you kno w your father can afford i t do n ot even hi nt t ohim that you would like a bracelet or a locket or a brooch but m ake yourself look as charmi ng as possi ble i n the S im d way and then i f dark ays should ever come l es t p you will have nothing wi th which to blame yourself , . , . - . , , , . , , , - , . , , . - . . , , , , , , , . The Sma ll Fa u lt s of G ir l s 1 9 SI N S OF T HO UG H T L ESS N ESS A very good motto to put up i n your bedroom i n bri ght red lette r s is this E vi l is wrough t by Yes i t is but that is no ex want of though t cu s e for i t You are a thi nking human bei ng and you have no right when you have done wrong to excus e i t by sayi ng you didn t thi nk abou t i t It is your busi nes s in li fe to think You were ru de your manner w as not perfect and the word s you said were evi dences of i ll -temper thoughtlessness wi ll not p ardon any of th e se I t always seems to me as i f i t were the weak es t of all that one of lack of though t I t is equi v r ea sons You are a le n t to sayi ng that you ve no brain asked by your mother to dust the parlor i t isn t done an d when later i n the day you find her busy at i t and know that she is so ti red she ought to be resti ng at this time what a poor reason i t is for you to gi ve as an explanation of your neglect I got to talki ng and didn t thi nk You are as ked by an employer to carefully watch a certai n ac c or m t an d to see that there are no errors At first you do wi th much enthusiasm then wi thout exactly formulati ng the idea you let i t alone S ome day there is a great error ! i t means a loss O f much m oney and when you are remin ded of what you were asked to do isn t this ” , , . , . ’ . . , , . . , ’ . ’ , , , , , ’ . . , , . , ’ , Side Talk s 2 9 th G ir ls wi r a poor excuse fo not havi ng attended to your duty I looked carefully after everythi ng else but lately I haven t given a thought to that You he ar a bi t of gossi p you repeat i t to your bes t friend I t goes around the ci rcle and event u ally you are forced to face i t again Then the woman about whom i t w as as ks you why and i t s eems a mean low reas on when you s a y Well i t w as told to me and I never gave a thought to there bei ng any harm i n repeati ng i t S o you s ee what may be wrought by thoughtl e ssne s s The s hrug of t he Shoulder the curl of the li p when on your part s omeone else is referred to may m ean very li ttle but when they are described and m u ch stress laid upon them the impression is that you kno w a great deal that you haven t told What you di d w as done from thoughtless ness ! that i s your excuse But this is absolutely true on e can easier battle with something that i s pre medi tated than wi th somethi ng that is done i n s o called thoughtles snes s , ’ , . . , , , . . , , , , , ’ . , . . OF S INS J EALO US Y These are v ery mean Sins They m ake you under v alue your friends They make you s ay petty mean thi ngs and they cause to gro w in your heart a poi s onous green plant whi ch is bi tter to the taste and whi ch is called envy You ar e . . , , . Side Talk s 94 th G ir ls wi Now I want her to repres ent the perfect speci men of girlhood j ust as the perfect grape is the finest of frui ts satisfying the thirst the taste and the eyes B u t my dear girls if you want to be this you must pull ou t the little faults as you would the weeds from a garden Pull them s o carefully that they cannot come back and i n the i r place s ow the seed of the beauti ful flowers that represent the vi rtues Then you w ill be happier better and more lovable and i t will make life sweeter for everybody around you And behold some day taki ng you i n her arms your mother will tell you that the brightnes s and good cheer i n the house are due to you and your v ir t perhaps remind you of that S he may u es time when you weren t as wise as you are n ow and be s ure s he wi ll congratulate you on your vi ctory over the little faults of every -day li fe After this i t is s o easy to conquer big faults they stand ou t so prom inently havi ng no little ones to excuse them that you see them and control them You get them well i n grasp and master them and i n ti me you my girl by your ow n e fforts will become a perfect woma n nobl y planned , , , , , , . , . , . , , , . , , , , . , ’ ‘ , . , . , , , , , , ” . W H A T S HAL L A G I R L R E AD ? dearest comrade m y chos en fri end is the girl who loves to read I am thankful that there are so many of her H er voice comes cryi ng from “ ? the wi lderness What Shall I read And I si tti ng among my books feel that i n my own way But first I want to I m u s t ans w er her question tell her how to read S he must not attempt a book that does not i nteres t her I t m a y be true that she has taken i t up because she has expected i t to improve her but that wi ll never happen u n less heart and brai n alike are working on the thoughts bound bet w een the covers Mere read i ng by the eyes i s of no value we may read page after pa ge and then put the book down and fin d that we kno w nothing whatever about i t The book that is a friend to me m ay be a stupi d ti resome acquai ntance to another there fore no on e pe rson can say what wi ll i n terest the other I n the last fe w years there have been in , . . ” , , , . . . , . , . , . , Side Talk s 6 9 th G ir ls wi numerable lists of the hundred bes t books and I feel that I may s ay that they are as u s eles s as a worn out blotter for they only expres s the opin ion of on e person S o I wi ll not tell my girls what books they ought to read but I will tell them of the books I lo v e and whi ch I hope they wi ll learn to lo v e , - , . , , . WH A T T O RE AD E ven i f one could li ve the ti me allotted to the good man i t would be impossi ble to read every thing The girl who is readi ng for a speci al pur pose is I may mention not the girl to whom I am talki ng My girl is the on e w ho busy ei ther i n the home or outsi de of i t is able to devote only a certain time to readi ng and wants to get pleas ure and benefit from books The girl who is able to speak French and G e r man and to read both easi ly very c on t e m p t u Never read a translati on Now ou s ly says To day there are extremely good s he is wrong translati ons of foreign authors i n the m arket and i t would be very unwise to lose the reading of a good book because you have to take i t i n E nglish rather than i n i ts nati ve tongue R ead books that are adapted t o your moods ! take a merry book when you are s ad but make it on e of those merry books i n which the wi t does not sting and hurt . , , . , , , . , , ” , . - . , . , Side Talk s 8 9 th G ir ls wi black book came to me she said H ow muc h better you look I am sure you liked that book and I ans w ered No take i t away If I could I would bur n e very copy of i t I f I look better to day it is becau s e I am li ving i n the days of chi v a lr y I am seeing the romance of the F rench cour t I am bowing down before Louis ! IV and I am happy to read about the dari ng deeds of the Mousquetaires and how thei r cry w as al w ays For the ki ng and for the ladies O h she said you are only reading a nov And I then confess to s tealing a quotation el from Jane Aus ten ‘ O nly a novel I said ! i t is only Ce cili a or Ca m illa or Belinda or i n s hort only some work i n which the greates t powers of the m ind are displayed i n w hi ch the most thor ough knowledge of human nature the happiest de lineations of i ts variety the liveli est effusions of wi t and humor are conveyed to the world i n the bes t language , ” , , , . . - . / , ‘ , ’ . ” , , ’ , ” ” , , , , , , , , ’ . S OM E T R AN S LAT E D B OOK S F or the girl who loves to read I do not ad v ise all translations but there are very many which are good If you are interested i n F rance you can choose all the novels of the elder D umas ! that w r i tten by V ictor wonderful s tory of life 9 H ugo and also Le s M is er ab le s Then you , . ’ , , . Wha t Shall a G ir l R ea d 2 99 may take up D au de t s earlier n ovels and get a glimps e of life during the ti me of Louis Napoleon F rance wi ll become s o close to you that j us t here will fit i n Dickens s Tale of Two Cities and then while your hear t is full of the heroism of a man you wi ll elect to read a n e w and very full li fe of the m ar tyrdom of Marie Antoi nette I t is a n e w life of the queen written by Maxime de La Roc he t e r ie There you will not only fin d de s c r ip t ion s of the beauti ful women of that day but you wi ll s e e pictures of all those who were fam ou s ei ther by the ir virtue or by their wi cked nes s A book wi th pictures is always doubly i nteres ti ng and I fancy m y gi rls are like me in that respect To gain a better knowledge of the women of the F rench courts read all the books written by Im be rt de S t Ar m and H e begin s by wri ting about the women of the Valois and go es right through to the time when Jo s ephi ne won fr iends for Napo leon by her sweetness and her loyalty and even later H avi ng got s o far you may choose Car “ lyle s F rench R evolution but i f you fi nd i t stupid drop i t for if i t tires you i t wi ll be of no u s e to you Ah says my girl you are m i xing novels and his tory R uth Ashmore S o I am but that is the way I believe i n read i ng When you read let i t be first of all for pleas ure and then for profit ’ . ” ’ , , . . , . , . . . , , . ’ ” , , . ” , , ” . , , . . Side Ta lk s 1 00 TO V th G ir ls wi ISI T FO REIG N LANDS If you wan t to visi t Italy the home of art the l and of beauty the country that is like a wondro u s old book you must get the novels of Italian li fe wri tten by Marion Crawford they will Show you pi ctures of the Italy of to day and i n them you wi ll al s o find des criptions of famous pi ctures and palaces that will make you hun t for yourself the books that wi ll touch u pon the subj ects i n which you have grown t o have an i nteres t You will read Mrs Pi ozzi s G limpses of I talian S o You wi ll find c ie t y i n the E ighteenth Century yourself s earching ou t for the li ves of the popes and of the pagans as well unti l some day you wi ll discover that y ou want to possess that you may look at i t often the book of that Christi an Pagan The Medi tations of Marcus Aurelius R ussi a with i ts m ys tery and awfulnes s is a country that you lon gt o know about Then you must take up The Midnight S u n or The Tsar and the Nihilist by Buckley You wi ll read K ennan on S iberia and S tepniak as he wri tes about the R us si an peas antry then you will gi v e a j ump away back and read the li fe of Catheri ne the G reat and s o w ill unders tand wh y Ru s s ia has become what i t is I do not advi s e you to read the R uss i an novels of to day , , , , - , . ’ . ” . , , ‘ , , , ” . , , . , ” . , , , , . - . Side Talk s 1 02 th G ir ls wi the man who draws pi ctures of life as i t is to -day and li fe as i t ough t to be And then i f you want a weird but i n tensely i nteresti ng book you may “ take Crawford s Wi tch of Prague and for a whi le every -day li fe wi ll go from you and you wi ll be livi ng i n a city that is always O ld and whi ch wi ll never grow n e w . , ’ , . NOVE L S OF AD VE N T URE I f you like adventure read the books of R ider H aggard and follow them u p i f you p os s ibly can wi th a hi s tory and a geography If you li ke stori es that hi nge around a crime and Sho w how by tiny clews and great i ngenui ty the cri minal is discovered and the i nnocent proved free of s in read the translated books of G aboriau of B ois go bey and of that clever E nglish wri ter A Conan Doyle I f you want an absolutely merry time take up the books of the man to w hom l ow e a never endi ng debt of grati tude for the pleasure he has gi ven me I mean Jerome K Jerome After have laughed at the adven t ures of the Three o u y Men i n a Boat delighted i n the pranks of that wise dog Montmorenci you will discover that i n wi th the s tory you have read is a wonderful de scri ption of histori c E ngland as it is found gor n g o u Thames And when take up the u h t e y p H istory of a Pilgr i mage you wi ll find y ou a r e , , , . , , , , . . - . . ” , , . . Wh a t Shall reading G ir l a R ea d ? 1 03 only on e of the most beautiful de but the tender of the Passi on Play s c r ip t ion s story of the Man who came and di ed for you and for me—di ed i n sufferi ng and i n shame I f you lov e short stori es read Marse Chan and O ther “ by Thomas N e ls on Page Take G al S tori es le ghe r and Van B ibber by R i chard H ard ing Davis and w hen you have fi nished reading them yo u will save up your money to buy those two books b ecaus e you will want to enroll them among your friends K i pling ? Well yes Cer t a iu ly Plai n Tales from the H il ls And for “ a good pict u re of Indi a n li fe The Potter s Thumb by M rs S teel The n too you must for the sake of the fun as w ell as the pictures of O ld New York read a ll of J a n v ie r s beginni n g wi th his i ni mi table Color S tudies n ot , . ” , , , , . . , ” . ’ , , . , . , , , ’ , , ” . AM O N G T HE P O E T S ill tell me that you have read all the stand ard poets If you have lingered wi th de ligh t over Childe H arold you Should read Moore s Life of Byron Wi th S helley s poems you Should combine the s tory of his li fe as wri tten by his dear friend Trevelyan who is buried close beside hi m i n the E nglish cemetery at R ome Do you s ee h ow I w ant you to read ? I wan t you to make on e book connect w i th another unti l You - w . ” ’ ’ . , . Side Talk s 1 04 th G ir ls wi you have gai ned a thorough knowledge of the wri ter his envi ronment and his fri ends and have seen the reason for the existence of hi s works You s hould read Austi n Dobson and S ir E dwi n Arnold choosi n g especially his shorter poems and Thomas Bailey Aldrich You will probably have a marked copy of O wen Meredith s Lucile and I hope m y dear girl on e also of that greatest poem ever written by a woman You will learn to love Tom A urora Leigh H ood Whi tti er wi ll appeal to your qui et hours and s o will Adelaide Procter There is a wri ter of to day who is a never ceasing pleasure to me and I think he w ill be to you Through long nigh ts of Sleeplessness I have had his poems and his stories read to me and one night when noth i ng would qui e t pain i t was forgotten for a few mi nutes as I listened to the descripti on of The H ush a b y Lady from Lullaby S treet That this wri ter is an Ameri can and of to day m akes me glad and I am sure i t wi ll you O f course “ you know I mean E ugene F ield H is Li ttle Book of Profitable Tales and i ts companion the will bri ng hap Little Book of Western V erse i s des pair and pleasure even where there n i es s p and pai n , , , . , , . , ’ , , , , ” . . , . - - , . , , - ” - . - , . , . , ” , . Side Talk s 1 06 th G ir ls wi wri tten The bes t way I can end this little talk is by quoti ng Mrs Browni n g . . We no ge t good g u g ou t o a b ook — fi o m a l u l a i g o t u h h l t A d p p adi g It i ath h By o mu h d plu g W g l o iou ly fo g t ou l S ou l fo a d h a dl o g i t o a b ook p ofou d a l t of u t h Im pa io d fo i b au t y ig h t good f om a b ook Ti t h g t th B y b e in c s - s s ’ s r r e n r s r e n c c n rw r ne en w e s e n er n r e s c s . e e r , e er w r r s e ves n ts , s e e , eve n , , en an n e ’ n s an r tr s r . n d, TH E G I R L W H O US E S S L A N G WO N D E R how many times my gi rls I wonder i f they ever ar e s lan gy ? thi nk what a lack of refinemen t is shown i n being slangy i n word dres s I wonder i f they ever think how or manner ? this much to -b e deplored slan gi ness affects the listener and the looker on ? I cannot beli eve that any of them t hi nk this ou t and s o I am goi ng t o preach a li ttle sermon about Slang The fi r s t s tep down on the very quick descent of bad manners is Shown i n the u s e of i t Commenci ng wi th the mere words o f s lang soon very s oon a general degenerati on i n the girl herself m ay be n oti ced A gi rl may claim that s he u s es slang i n a joki ng way ! she may j us t at first but commenced as a bit of fun i t gets to be like all bad habi ts di fficul t to overcome The Ameri can gi rl is bri ght culti vated , an d r e fined ! s h e is pretty and i nteres ting and y et whe n y ou hear her s a y as many a on e does ev e r y da y , , - - - , . . , , . , , , . , , , Side Talk s 1 08 th G ir ls wi of her li fe about a book or a song or a play or somebody s manner O h I caught on to i t or abou t s omething of whi ch She w as tired some “ thi ng that weari ed her O h I ll give i t the or of somebody who w as very quick shake “ i n manner or perception O h ai n t he fly ? what would you thi nk of her and what does the world conclude about her ? , , , ” , , , , ’ , , , ’ , T HE WAY You , USES S HE ANG SL her if s h e knows somethi ng and s he You bet ! responds You as k her if s he e u j oyed herself at s ome place and s he answers Like a streak I f She starts to tell you a story s he would poss i bly be s ur pris ed to be told that s he uses s lang S he does not know where s he gets i t herself Nobody ever does know S he sees no harm i n i t There is no use of profane or unclean words and yet this slangy mode ofspeech is the lit tle ri ft wi thin the lute that by and by wi ll make all the musi c of the fine womanly conversation not mute but drowned i n a hubbub of loud sounds and common words The girl who continually uses s lang as naturally elevates her voice as s he breathes s h e do es th is becau s e s he wants to give the fu ll effect of her mode of speech or as s he says G i ve everybody a chance to catch on In the great world of to day i t would seem as as k ” , , . . . . , , , , . , , ” . , - Side Talk s 1 1 0 th G ir ls wi when you s e e how quickly you will stop u sing the objectionable language an d how easy i t is after all to express all that y ou want to s ay i n pure E nglish Then too just thi nk how ridiculous Slang words would make certai n si tuations i n li fe You are fond of that pretty play called The Lady o f Lyo n s — fancy after C laude M e ln ot t e has made his beautiful avowal of love— one of the most perfectly expressed and exquisite word pictures i n the E nglish language— just fancy Pauli ne looki ng up i nto his face and m eeti ng h is question by s a y “ ing I should smi le ! Imagi ne i f you can when R i chelieu to protect Julie draws around her “ form the awful ci rcle of ou r solemn Church an d ca uses the villains who are pursui ng her to recogni ze the power of the cardi nal as well as the puri t y of the gi rl— imagine Juli e turning and s ay Now there are times i ng Well we got there I when your s lang sounds j ust as ridiculous as this and wi thout consi deri n g the other bad e ffect i t has on you i t makes you appear silly and u n dign ifi e d , , , . , , . , - ” , , , , , ” , , , , . , AN G SL I N D RESS A puzzled girl says H ow can I be slangy i n my dr ess ? I ll tell you and then you can see whether you are or not The girl who bec ause lace fri lls are fas hi onable has her fri lls wi der than ” ’ , . , , G ir l IVho Us es The Sla ng / r r r anybody else who accentuates the wi dth of her Skirts the brim of her hat who because pi nk roses are fashi onable has the greates t num ber of pink roses a nd those deepest i n tone this gi rl is slan gy i n dr e ss S he is the gi rl whose dress tires your eyes as you look at i t S he is the girl who the ver y mi nu te s he enters a room m akes you cons ci ous of her presence hy the noi s e of her ski rts and who gi ves you an overpowering s en s e That is on e of her havi ng too much to wear type Another is the girl who s eizi ng the jaunt y fashion of cloth skirts soft blouses and pretty jackets makes i t s langy by having the s oft blouse developed i nto a loud s tiff shirt and the jacket made to look as much like a man s coat as pos s i ble Wi th th is s he wears a m as culine ti e a s t iff plai n hat and un consciously s he assumes the man ners of a man But as s he is not a man s he doe s not succeed i n this and the consequence is that as bei ng nei ther a femi ni ne s he ap pears to you wo m an nor a man ly boy Dres s has i ts i nfluence over everybody and girls w ho are slan gi ly dressed that is who go to extremes i n any style of dressi ng certai nl y become exaggerated i n their manners and speech , , , , , , . . , , ' , . . , , , , , , , ’ , , , , . , . , , , , . Side Talk s 1 1 2 W I T H T HE th G ir ls wi EY ES OF A MA N A you ng woman I knew who affected this m as culi ne get u p was s o pretty that i t seemed a shame and a gentleman ven tured to expostulate w i th her telling her that s he was s o charmi ng as a woman that s he ought not to try to look like a poor i mitati on of a man H is word s were met by a prolonged whistle and this reply whi ch w as u n answerable O h but i t is s o tart ! This same young woman was i nvi ted to a dinner party S he annou nced that s he i ntended to make a s e n sation by her costume and i t w as generally b e lie v e d that She was going to appear i n some very beautiful gown Imagi ne the horror of the host es s when s he entered the drawing room i n a black b r oadcloth Skirt that fitted her figure closely Wi th this She wore an eveni ng shi rt a black waist coat cut low t o Show the expan s e of whi te li nen and a black dre s s coat H er shirt buttons were whi te enamel ones s o were the links i n her cuffs and her ti e of white lawn was arranged after the fashion affected by men i n the eveni ng After sh e went away the s on of the hostess said to his mother Never i nvite t hat gi rl to the house again No woman with the least refinement would even for a jest appear dressed i n that “ manner The mother gave a sigh of relief and , - , , , . , , , , . , . - . , , , - . , , . , . , , . 1 1 Side Talks 4 th G ir ls wi fri ends I t wi ll annoy you at first t o thi nk that you are counted one of these but after awhile you wi ll as sume an ai r of bravado and s ay that you don t care But you wi ll be telling an untruth for y ou do care There is no woman who does not like to think that s he has real fri ends—friends who love and admire her and who are loyal to her The slangy girl may h ave hundreds of acquaint a u ces but S he wi ll never get these thoughtles s people i nterested i n her s o that s he will be com n h e s a e for the lo of a friend w o would ha v e t d s s p s tood b y her through sorro w and through j oy . , ’ . , . . , , . AN G I N MAN N ERS SL T he gi rl who is slangy in her m anner is the gir l who commenced by bein g slangy i n her s peech a n d who is t o day the worst specimen of bad manners i n existence Carelessness i n speech has brought this about S he sees no use for the pretty courtesies of every day life s he doesn t care to be treated like a lady because She wants to be on e a jolly S he likes to call he r self of the boys fello w S he leans her elbows on the table at dinner she lolls in the chair i n the most careles s of attitudes S he thi nks i t very funny to j ump on and off the car as i t is going and equally funny to whistle for the car to stop in s tead of moti oni ng for i t as other gir ls do S he sees no re as on wh y , - . . . ’ - , ” . . , . , , . G ir l Who Us es Sla ng The 1 1 5 s he hould be respectful to older people Shrugs her shoulders and announces audibly that they bore her S he does n t care to read book s unl es s they have what she calls go i n them S he is familiar w i th the scandals of th e day as gleaned from the newspapers and is greatly gi ven to annou nci ng that s he does n t hes i tate to call a spade a spade S he is very pronounced i n her likes and dislikes and will not endure c on t r adic tion S he doesn t trouble herself to hint for any thi ng that s he wish es men t o do for her s he de lib e r a t e ly as ks them and i t rather s urp r ises her after a whi le to find that consideri ng her j u st one of themselves a man will refuse her request S he doesn t s eem to understand that while a man may be att r acted by her pretti nes s and amused i n a way by her manner he very soon gets tired of her for from the begi nning of the world men have never loved the women who were slangy i n thei r man ne r s but rather the woman who repres ents what a F ren ch wri ter cal ls the eternal feminine The girl who is slangy in speech dress and man ner is very apt to grow slangy i n her amusements S he i s best pleased by the trashi e st of li terature and for a book to be advertised as not qui te n ice i s to her a speci al recommendation for i t In musi c She selects by pr e ference songs that have n ei ther w i t melody nor s entiment to recommen d them and which only please by thei r lack of s ens e No s he s ’ . ” . , , ’ . ’ . , , , . , ’ , , , ” . , , . , . , , , , , . 1 1 Side Talk s 6 th G ir ls wi man cares to hear a woman whom he res pects sing comic songs I t lowers her i n the eyes of ever y on e and the fact that S he Si ngs a comi c s ong well does n ot add anythi ng to the maki ng i t desi rable for her to do i t at all The slangy gi rl is apt to be the jester of the company and who likes to see a woman wear the \ cap and bells ? Why do not girls understand this ? Why can t they s e e that to amuse people by maki ng a clown of one s s elf is vulg ari zi ng to the last degree . , . , ’ ’ A P O SI TIVE C ER TA I N TY I t is abs olutely certai n that the girl who is s langy i n her manner forgets to be graciou s and does n t hesitate to s a y di s agreeable things S he is day by day sti lling her con s cience and hard and s he fails to s e e why s he e n in g her heart should refrai n from hurting other people S he entirely loses the grace of consi deration Wi th thi s h e next loses her beli ef i t is to relate s n e s a d o g and her regard for the beli ef of others Probe way down i nt owhat heart s he has and she may all unknown to herself sti ll beli eve but She has an i dea a very false on e that i t is an evidence of her intellectual strength to sneer at all belief and all accepted fai ths S he doesn t know enough to “ reali z e that knaves and fools can s ay It is n ot ’ . , , , . . , , . , , , , , ’ . , Side Talk s th G ir ls wi weet pe r fume and beauti ful buds we mus t s ee that they are not choked up by weeds This is only done by continually watchi ng for the weeds pull i ng up each on e little root and all and burni ng i t The sweetest blossom of humani ty is a gentle — irl won t you make her number i ncrea e s ? g s . , , . ’ , Y O UR O W N F A MI L I A R FR I E ND i s nothing s o beauti ful as a fai th ful friendshi p between two women Nothi ng i s qui te s o unselfish and noth ing i n li fe lasts qui te s o long This friendshi p however must have the trial tes t o f yea rs i t does n ot gro w u p i n a day or a ni ght but i t is cemen ted and made perfect by the gradual learning of each to unders ta nd the o ther by the willi ngness to help bear each other s burde n s and by that greatest of all vi rtues i n fri endship the never as ki ng a ques tion but the wai ting until the confidence is given Young girls very seldom form such friendships They are as I have sai d the outgrowth of years of confidence and you w ho are si xteen seventeen or eighteen have not had the time to try or be tried to prove your worthiness as a fri end You look at me wi th a bi t of i ndignation and you tell m e of the dear es t girl that ever lived w ho sympathiz es wi th o u i n everything to whom u tell all your o y y H E RE . . - , , , , , ’ , , , . . , , , , , , , , . , ” , , , Side Ta lk s 1 20 th G ir ls wi hopes and ambi ti ons who loves you dearly and whom you have known exactly on e week You know i t m u st be a real friendshi p because you were attracted at once and because i mmediately you began to tell one another thi ngs that you wouldn t have had the other girls know— not for anything And you thi nk this friendshi p is goi ng to las t for ever You have plan n ed i t all out i n your own m i nd You two after you leave school are goi ng t o marr y two brothers the handsomest and best men that ever were born and you are all going to li ve i n on e house and you will tell each o ther everythi ng and li fe w ill run along as smoothly as possi ble for both of you That is what you s ay this week , , . , ’ . . . , , , , , . . T HE W EEK A F T ER Next week I as k after your bosom friend and you do n t seem i nclined to talk about her When I i nsist u pon heari ng about this femi nine Damon I hear that she has rather neglected you that a n e w girl has come whom s he finds m ore sympa thetic and you find to your horror that s he has told her the secrets whi ch you whispered b e lie v i ng that they were as sacred as i f they had been told i n the confes s ional But you brighten up a li ttle and tell me that after all you s uppose one mu s t make mistakes but that now you have dis covered a real fri end on e who loves you si mply ’ . , , . , , Side Talk s 1 22 th G ir ls wi because s ome afternoon you take a walk with some other girl or because you broke an engagement wi th her to go out wi th your mother You think i t is very desirable to be “ known among your girl friends as F lorence s crush but i f you will take a li ttle trouble and i nquire you will find that you are only on e among a n umber for whom F lorence has expressed this great admi rati on at vari ous ti mes and to whom s he has shown this marvellous devotion This may last three months or even a year but great emotions have sudden endi ngs and some day you wi ll be s urprised to get a letter from F lorence i n closi ng the photogr aph whi ch you gave her and beggi ng you to return the li ttle locket That poor little locket I f you have the sense I credi t you wi th you wi ll w onder who the girl i s who is going to get i t nex t for you may be very certai n that i t will answer for several people s a i r p in g notes , . ’ ” , , , . , , , . , . T HE DA N GER OF I T T he great dangers of such i ntimacies as I have described are that they wean a girl from her bes t fri end her mother and that they i nduce her to be over -c on fi de n t ial and to tell the a ffai rs of her home to one who is not of her ow n hous ehold T hen too by m i nc i ng up one s love as i f i t were a piece of ci tron and givi ng a li ttle of i t here , , . ’ , , , You r O w n Fa mil ia r Fr ien d 1 23 and a little Of i t there there is left a portion not altogether desirable which is to be gi ven to Pri nce Charming when he comes to claim his bri de I li ke a gi rl to have many girl friends I do no t like her to have a girl s w eetheart There are but two people i n th e world to whom a girl should gi ve her c on fide n c e — the first is her mot her the second is her husband To the firs t belongs her li fe while she i s u nmarri ed ! after that She must find i n her h u sband the on e pe r s on to whom she can tell everythi ng A n d s he is a very foolish woman i f s he ever whispers to either mother or wom an fri end the confidential li fe of her husband and hers elf Many very many girls may s a y O h i t is very easy to say tell your mother everythi ng but suppose she doesn t care to hear i t ? Now I j u st want to as k you on e question : H ave you ever tri ed to make her your confidante ? H ave you ever tried to tell her how your li fe goes along the acquai ntances you make at school what in t e r es t s you or even the little compliments that are pai d you by young men and abou t whi ch you are properly enough a little shy ? Don t be satisfied wi th one tri al and feel repulsed because she happens to be too busy or too much troubled about somethi ng else to pay stri ct attenti on to you but i nstead ta ke another ti me and when you t r y this and kee p on tryi ng you wi ll gradually , . - - . , . ” . - . , , , , ’ ” , , , , , ’ , , , , , , Side Talk s 1 24 th G ir ls wi discover that s he will grow in t e r e s t é d that you will have no more ardent parti s an i n your t r ou b le s and your happines s than s he is and no on e who will gi ve you better advi ce I f you are n u fortunate enough not to be able to gai n this con si derati on from you r mother then m y dear girl keep your private affairs to yourself Discuss ever y thi ng els e you want from go w ns to books from pi ctures to s weetmeats but do not tell to the rapturou s girl -friend the story of your in nermost life or wear your heart upon your s lee v e for every daw to peck at , , . , , , . , , , , . T HE MA N Y D I S A PPOI NTM E NT S They will come surely and you wi ll be hurt agai n and again Whi le you beli eved ih Louise or F lorence or G eraldine you may have whispered r how diflic u lt i t w as fo the home people to sav e the money to have you take the musi c - lessons you And then when G eraldi ne or s o much desi red Louise or F lorence has turned the page that bears your name you wi ll be horri fied to hear that this has been told all o v er the school V ery young gi rls seldom remember that there are obligations e ven after a friendship has ceas ed to exist and that the greatest on e O f thes e is to force one s self to forget that which w as told i n confidence when li fe meant nothing unless you two were together , - . , , , . , , , . , ’ . 1 2 Side Talk s 6 th G ir ls wi how to hold her tongue You have said foolish thi ngs and folly too often i s really cri minal You have talked without thi nki ng and thoughtles sness When has brought abou t a sad state of affairs will you learn to control your Silly talk When wi ll you learn to be a womanly girl ? . . , , . W H AT T O D O U nti l you are qui te old enough to comprehend that friendshi p is more than a name and that the real friend is on e that is tri ed and n ot found want i ng you wi ll probably speak of all the girls you like as your friends mean i ng of course your a c N ow I want you to like each other q u a in t a c es to be good comrades but I thi nk i t will be wiser i f you make this good fellowship i n nu m ber at least on e of three or five rather than two or four for then you will not be s o likely to disc u ss your private affai rs or to reach a state of sickly senti mentality that is as undesi rable physically as i t is mentally Where there are three girls or five girls there i s certai n to be on e who h ealthy i n m i nd and body wi ll laugh down any i ncli nation to martyrdom or any other no n sense that may ex b ibi t i tself Possibly you think I am a little hard hearted Indeed my dear girl I am not No body grieves more Si ncerely than I do when a young girl loses her belief i n her companions b u t , , , , , n , . , , - , , , , , ' . , , , . . , , . , You r Ow n Fa mil ia r Fr ien d 1 2 7 what I would like to do w ould be to suggest to her how to thoroughly enjoy thes e compani ons and how to b e so careful i n her conduct wi th them that there wi ll be no poss ibili ty of her being dis illusioned When two girls are very i ntimate and count ou t of this i ntimacy not only thei r ow n sisters but all thei r other friends they a r e apt u nconsci ously to cultivate the faul ts of selfis hness of meann e ss and to cau s e an undesi rable morbidness to spri n g You thi nk perhaps I shouldn t have u s ed u p the word meannes s and yet I ll tell you wh y I say i t You two have a long talk together about everything an d everybody and consequently you do not hesi tate to cri ti cise severely every li ttle fault e v ery li ttle w eakness of your neighbo r s al though you never s t op t o remember what w as s ai d a b out the mote and the beam I f i t were not for this very great intimacy you would not dream of s peaking i ll of othe r s ! i f nothi ng else res trai ned you the fea r that what you s ay might be repea ted w ou ld have much to do wi th maki ng yo u careful but this great friendshi p s o called permi ts you to gi ve li cense to your tongue and you do not hes i tate to utter before your bosom fri end words and opi nions whi ch you would be ashamed to have other people kno w even entered your mi nd Too great i nti macy begets t oo great familiari ty Books and stori es are often gi ggled over between , . , , , , , , ’ , , . ’ , . , , , ‘ . , - , , , . . Side Talk s 1 28 th G ir ls wi girls and affairs are discussed that i f a thi rd gi rl were presen t they would never dream of r e ferri ng t o t wo , . T H E R I GH T KI N D I have been talki ng to you about the foolish and the wrong ki nd of a fri end but you must not suppose for a minute that there is not a sensible and a right friend S he can be as jolly and as full of fun as possi ble you and she can read to gether walk together play on the same side i n the ou t door games and find much joy i n each other s s oci ety But this companion won t Sho w a ridi culous jealousy because you happen to wal k to day wi th some other girl and to -morrow take tea wi th another on e No on the contrary she will be delighted to hear what a good ti me you have been havi ng and i f s he has been the one to have the good time She will tell you abou t i t and how s h e wished earnestly and honestly that you were along S he will never tell you of the affairs of her home a n d be very certai n that she will not wri te love letters to you or make you thi nk yourself a much abused young woman b e cause you have some duties i n life to perform S he wi ll be a pleasant acquai ntance careful never to grow suffici ently fami liar to give or accept any rudeness and qui te as careful n ot to listen or talk about anything that does n ot conce r n her You , . , , - ’ ’ . - . , , , , , , . , - , - . , , . T H E E L D E R S I S TE R I N T H E HO ME W O N DE R how many of my girls have the great pri vilege of being the sister i n the family ? And when I s ay Sister I mean the oldes t daughter S ome times she is the baby whom G od first gave to the happy household s ometi mes she h as t w o or three brothers to greet her when s he com es i n to the world but as long as s he is the firs t gi rl she is al w ays sister and to her come speci al ri ghts and privileges I want to talk to her just a li ttle bi t and tell her what these ri ghts are what the pri v S he is very ile ge s are and what the pleasures are near to m e because She and I stand Side by side and I k now perhaps better than S he does the mistakes that may be made and the pri vileges that are withi n her reach S he is before everythi ng else the closest one to the dear mother A boy may come near to the maternal heart but he never gets her confidence and s he never qui te relies on hi m as s he do es on her oldest gi rl The . , , , . , . , , , , . , . , , , . The lder Sis t er in F Home t he 1 1 3 mother and the daughter are close friends And between these two li ttle a ffairs can be talked over li ttle t r oubles discussed and made eas i er to bear li ttle pleas u res though t out and made possible and all li fe i tse l f made fuller of j oy than i t would be i f sister d id not exist I wonder i f you know yo u r i n fl uence And I wonder i f you use i t ? I wonder i f you reali z e that you can be the cheerful lovi ng wi lli ng helpi ng hand My dear gi rl i f you do you can be a comfort to so m any people You can give the lovi ng word of advi ce you can help the one who is i n doubt and by the beauti ful po w er o f kindre d and love you can have an influence tha t is greater t han any other o v er your brothers and sisters What do I mean Well i n this the li ttle talk between you and me I am going to tell you — tell you j ust what your pos ition is and what you can make of i t to each member of the house hold . , , , , . , , , , . , , , , . , , , . T O Y OU R MO T H ER your mother i s queen of the household you can be her prime mi nister S he can deci de what is right to be done and you will help her i n carry i ng i t out S he represen t s the brai n and heart you represent the hand and h eart There come ti mes i n all households when the machi nery that has ru n s o smoothly seems ei ther to stop c n As . . , . 1 3 Side Talk s 2 th G ir ls wi to be s o clogged that the wheels move Slowly and i n a way that is i rri tati ng to everyone In many homes the cause for this differs But a very common on e is the i ntroduction of a poor or an old relati on : one who i s queer po s s ibly ti re so m e and yet who has the clai m that blood and poverty always have on ki ndred and kindnes s The boys fret the old lady father sees s o li ttle of her that s he does n t trouble him and yet s h e wor ri es mother I t may be that s he is your grand mother and because s he is an old lady s he does n t reali z e the materi al or mental changes that have taken place and s he exa cts from the daughter of forty fi v e what s he had from the daughter of fif teen — that is conti nual con s ideration and obedi e nce Mother who s e views of li fe have broadened and who is a ve r y bus y woman is irri tated by these demands H ere comes on e of your oppor You have left s chool ! you have a good t u n it ies bi t of time on your hand s ! devote as much of that as you can t o grandmamma m ake the hours that you spend wi th her pleasan t to her and when you grow weary i n well -doing stand i n front of the looking glass by grandm amma s side and remember that s ome day you w i ll be as old as She is and wi ll want patience and consideration s hown to you F i nd ou t what she li kes to have done for her and do i t s ee i f she fanci es walki ng wi t h t ir e ly , or . . , , . , ’ , . ’ , , - , . , , , . . , - . , ’ 1 Side Ta lk s 34 th G ir ls wi have seen her complai ni ng because she didn t have w hat all the other girls had and I have known her to thi nk that her father repres ented a money maki ng machi ne bound to take care of her and give her a good time A nd s he might be s o much more When father comes home i n the evening i t ought to be her place to greet hi m wi t h a s mile and as much merriment as she can I t is her honor to be his daughter and that means to gi ve hi m all the pleas ure possi ble and to keep from hi m the little frets and worries S ometi mes i f a ques tion of great impor tance comes to her s he goes to hi m to as k how it shall be solved and i f s he has been a good daughter s he wi ll certai n ly get from hi m cons iderate advi ce and loving thoughtfulness S ome day when the blushes cover her face s he w ill go to her father to tell hi m that She loves the man who has as ked her to be his wi fe and then he wil l look at the man who w ishes to be her li felong compani on not only through the rose colored glasses which s he wea rs but through those clear ones of good sense a nd he wi ll consi der and weigh i n the balance the man who wi s hes to take from h im his dearest on e F or sister that is what you can be to hi m— his heart s deli ght I know a m an who says that his oldest daughter would make pleasant the poores t home that can be i magi ned H e s ays n o matter how much ’ , - , . . . , . , . , , - , , . , , ’ . . The Elder Sis t er in t he Home 1 35 everybod y els e is down i n the depths she alway s has a merry greeting a funny story an i nterest ing topic or a pleasant ques tion for d iscuss io n that interes ts everybody else an d put s down the i nclinations of the other members of the fami ly to tell of thei r woes and worries as a sauce for thei r dinners rather than of their pleas ures and i nter ests I c all that b ei ng a great deal to one s fa ther H e who is out i n the busy w orld ear ni ng the brea d and butter does n t wan t to be met wi th complai n ts and cros s looks ! he wan ts to be gr eeted w i th a ki s s to be entertai ned by the mi nd whi ch he has really formed by ear ni ng the money to pay the tea chers to broaden and round i t and to be able to look at the bri gh t cheery girl neat i n her dr e ss sweet in her man ner and e v er ready to make glad thos e who are s ad , , , , , , ’ . . ’ , , , , , , . T O Y OU R B R O T H ER Brother is close to you i n years A little older or a little younger but near enough to you to be your compani on and friend i f you wish to make hi m so What are you goi ng to do Are you goi ng to let hi m dri ft away from you and find his pleas ures away from home O r are you goi ng to keep hi m close to you and make hi m a Sharer i n everything that comes to you ? I thi nk dea r Sister you are goi ng to do the last There is a . , . , , . 1 Side Talk s 36 cigar th G ir ls wi down s treet where the boys of the neigh Possi bly b or h ood drift i n and smoke and talk they do nothi ng more harmful but your brother might just as well have all thi s pleasure at home And this is the way you can make him happy Make hi m feel that his fri ends are yours and i f he w i ll not bri ng them to the house because of s ome queer i dea and all young boys have them then get your mother s permission to w rite a note to each and every one aski ng hi m to come on a certai n eveni ng and then have some of your fri end s to meet them Put yo u rself to a li ttle trouble the first ti me ! have a ni ce li ttle su pper plenty of music pleasant games and the Simple i n nocen t danci ng that is permissi ble i n a hOm e F i nd ou t who is the Shyest or better sti ll the roughest of these friends and pay to hi m the most atten ti on for you want him to come agai n And you must convi nce him that he wi ll h ave a better time i f he comes to Jack s home and meets Jack s sister than i f b e ind uced Jack to spend an even i ng wi th him i n the cigar store After a whi le you will find that your brother will rely on you you will find that hi s fri ends come to you wi th t heir l ittle c on fide n c e s and gradually Jack s house wi ll be ci ted as the one where a fello w can go wi thou t being treated as i f he always did wrong I once knew of a household like this a hou s e hold hO p - s . , . , , , ’ , . , , , , . , , , . , ’ ’ . ’ , . , 1 Side Talk s 8 3 th G ir l s wi reform and you will be surprised to see how quickl y he wi ll remedy his mistakes and how certainly b e wi ll reali ze that i n his own person he must expres s refinement i f he desires to be a friend of Jack s Sister Then when the i mpolite word is spoken —or per haps i t may go beyond that and be a rude or vulgar word— a li ttle look and a little remi nder that he has forgotten himself wi ll caus e hi m to think and the po s s ibi li ties of the man who once begi ns to thi nk are wonderful The fact that Jack s friends admire you that Jack s friends find you charmi ng wi ll make Jack very proud of you and he will s u g ges t to the boys who come to the house that they have got to do this or they have got to stop that i f they want to meet his sister My dear girl you have n o idea what your i n fl uen ce is over your brother The day w ill come when brother wi ll as k you wi th many blushes i f you know that pretty girl w ho li ves i n the next block I t doesn t take you bu t a m inu te to u nderstand that your brother is i n love Poss ibly you may feel a touch of jealous y but i f do don t betray i t for you must remember o u y there wi ll come a love to each ofyou that is stronger than an y other and you have no righ t to find fault wi th hi m if he has found thi s lov e before you , , ’ . , ’ . ’ , , , , . , . ’ . . , ’ , , . , . The Elder S is t e r in t he Home 1 39 T O Y OU R S I S T ERS H avi ng made little mi s takes having been the , pupil of that great teacher experience i t is only right for you to gi v e the hand of guidan ce to your younger s isters T his you can do i n s uch a way that you do not s ee m to put your s elf up on a ped esta l and prea ch to them but you do appear to be what y ou really are—interes ted in their not mak ing the same mistakes that you have and s o fore i ng all li fe to become s moother to them through your goodn e ss The i ncli nation of an older girl Don t do this is to patroni ze a younger on e Make your si s ter or sis ters your companions and fr i ends t r y to i nduce each on e of them to make the home -li fe more i nteresti ng and to c o operate with you i n lifti ng the burdens from the Shoulders of the busy mother T ell your sisters of your pleas u res let them feel that together you can discuss their dai ly li ves an d enter clos ely i nto wha tever s eems of importance t o them H elp a bi t with the lessons gi ve a word of encou ragement to that one who tir es of the man y hours ofpractice on the pi ano ! tell her of the great pleas ure that music gives to o thers how it s s weet strains wi ll deaden the voice of s candal and ki ll the unki nd word Teach your younger siste r s the womanly care they should gi ve to their cloth es teach this by gentle words Make , , . , , . ’ . . - . , . , . . 1 Side Talk s 40 th G ir ls wi them u nders tand the refinements of the table but do thi s i n that bes t of all ways —s e t them a good example Make them comp r ehend that even a little lady has lost her clai m t o the ti tle i f her apron is soi led i f her hair is mussed and if he r m anners are bad Make your s isters seem of importance As k them to help you wi th s ome of your tas ks and you will be s urprised to s e e how willi ngly thi s is done when the duty is recogni zed not as a duty but as a s omethi ng t o be done with ple as ure beca us e i t is helpi ng mother or sister , . , , . . , , . IN YOUR P L A CE When G od pu t you i n the place that you now occupy when H e made you sister of a hou s ehol d H e meant that y ou s hould be a ple as ure and an example to those around you Don t believe H e meant you to be a prig H e meant you to be merry and wise happy and considerate counting i t no trouble to do a s ervi ce for those you love or indeed i f i t came i n your way even for those who were strangers to you H e meant that you Should love and res pect old age or weakness H e meant that you should be a j oy forever to your father and mother H e meant that y ou should be mother s li ttle com forter shar i n g her happi n es s wi th her and he lpin g her as far as pos s ible i n h e r troubles and wo r r ies Be willi ng more than wi lli ng t odo wha t , , ’ . . , , , , , . . ’ . , , , . , , T H E R E ST L E S S N E S S O F T H E A G E restles sness and seeki ng after what does n ot belong to on e is a hi ndrance to any woman, be s he old or young and on e which i n many instanc es G od di d not intend should come i nto her li fe R epose and perfect quietness see m to be unknow n factors nowadays and the s i mple doi ng what one The has to do quietly and properly also ignored girls of to day no matter what their age may be r us h for everythi ng There is excitement i n mi nd and body over the least li ttle thi ng and women are wearing the m selves ou t doi ng absolutely noth i ng You cannot convi nce a gi rl that wi th proper deliberati on she mi ght accomplish just what s h e wishes and be strong i n body and restful i n mi nd as well No She has got s o entirely u sed to ru sh i ng at everything that s he wears he r s elf ou t rac ing up and down stairs and when Simple normal work is finished she is as S he puts it s o dead tired that I can t even rest LL , , , . , , , - . , , . , , . , , , . , , , ” ’ . , ! h e t Age The R es tles s n es s o f 1 43 T A K I N G T H I N GS E A S Y O ne can do three ti mes as much by be i ng quiet and taking things easy as by rushing G irls i n every station of li fe are hurting themselve s by a t tempti ng to do too m uch The girl who has to w ork is over ambitious and the society gi rl thi nks she m u st let as m uch as possible come i nto her li fe And s o between clubs and clas s es wi th every form of gayety imaginable s he is worki ng s o h ard that when she is thirty and Should be reach i ng her prime whi ch physici ans s a y i s thirt y -fi v e she is old and broken down The feverish des ire to have and to achi eve is ki lling the girls of to -day They ar e never s atisfied everythi ng i n their li ves is rush and hur r y They want to dr es s like one fri end to be as learned as another and as great a s ociety leader as another . . - , . , , , , , . . . , , . T HE W OMAN OF T O DAY - The woman of to day as we hear of her b e longs to a class for each day i n the week and has every aftern oon and evening filled up wi th gay functions S he is eager to know all about poli ti cs to understand the great poets and writers of the day es peci ally those that are counted most di ffi cult to comprehend ! she wan ts to belong to soci eties - , , , . , , 1 Side Talk s 44 th G ir ls wi that wi ll make the world better and that wi ll per mi t her to talk about them i n pub li c and yet s he desires as well to keep the posi tion in li fe to whi ch She w as born S pe ak t o he r suddenly and s ee her start That means overtaxed nerves G e t her to talk to you about one of her plans and s e e how she fl ushes n oti ce the unnatural bri lliancy of her eyes and watch the qui v ering of he r lip s and her han d s That woman is on the v erge of nervous prostrati on And why ? S he is li v i ng an abnormal life S he i s neglecting her duties and is permi tting hers elf to be worn out to i nterest people who do n ot care i n the leas t for her 4 this woman of t o-day T 0 me s he is dreadful— and I do not want any on e of m y girls to be like her S he does n o real work s he only worries and Work properl y done w orry is very apt to ki ll s ystemati cally arranged for and carefully and eas i ly carried out does not wear women out It is only when it is rush rush rush fret fret fret that women become bundles of overstru ng nerv es tied wi th the red ri b u of conti nual excitement But the ribbon comes u nti ed and the ner v es are free and what is the result A fretful answer to a ques ti on as ked by a m ember of the household in a t t e n ti on to one s duti es because the head and the eyes “ ache so they are almost ki lling me and then t oo oft en there follows the res ort to a s tim u lan t of some ki nd The tears come to the eyes v ery eas ily the , . . . , , . . . , . . , , . , . , , , , , , , , . , , ’ ” , . , , 1 Side Talk s 46 th G ir ls wi superficial becau s e they cannot possibly learn on e thing well when they are attempti ng s o much Then too about work There is a perfect cra z e among young women to leave their homes and go ou t to work i n the outside world When this is necessary i t is all right but i n many cases i t is not necessary There is work to do at home and the foolish gi rl does not s e e the v alue of her home work but wi th every nerve at a tangent wi th her heart throbbi ng s o rapidly s he can almo s t hear i t She rus hes ou t into the big world for work that s hould not be hers and which will u s e her up mentall y and physically i n a very Short time When the good G od w as arranging the human pegs into their abi di ng places H e did not put the round ones i n the s quare hol es but when a woman rushes away from the work that is laid ou t for her s he finds that s he is wrongly si tuated and She wears herself Then s he is old and tired ou t worrying over this when She should be young and fresh S ometimes even i n her home li fe the fever o f has te comes to her and I beg of her for I know he r among my girls to learn to do thi ngs quietly Walk up and down stairs m ake the beds and dust the rooms quietly and not as i f you were being pursued by the demon of unres t enjoy yourself eas ily don t let your ner ves get the better of you when you are playi ng a game I f you dance don t do i t furi ously and abo ve all thi ngs don t fall i nto . , . , . , . , , , , , . - , , , , . . , , , , , . , , ’ , ’ . , ’ , , , e e h t A The R es tl es s n es s o f g 1 47 the sad error of hastening to b e m arri ed Learn to know the man to whom you are gi ving your love and be sure that each of you wi ll be better i n the future because ofthe time gi ven to your b e c om i ng acquai nted even after the story of love has bee n told t o you Physi cians say t he best pres cri ption for the woman of to day is more rest and more qui et enjoyment Try this Allow yours elf to take e v ery day that whi ch is a res t to you . , . - . . . HO W T O RE S T ome gi rl s don t kno w how to do this They think res t and Sleep s ynonymous whereas rest may mean simply change i n occupati on I t may mean the Si tting quiet for a while I t may mean the hav ing a cup of tea or a bi t of bre a d and butter— the tea bei ng that whi ch does not hurt the nerves and the bread and bu tter be i ng that which i s health ful an d whi ch tas tes good O ften you don t eat enough my dear gi rl and you hurry too much when you do eat L ear n to li n ger over your meals to talk to your father or mother pleasan tly and so to aid diges ti on by slo w eating an d bri ght conver sati on S ometimes the bes t res t that comes is the si tting i n an eas y chai r and clos ing your eyes for t e n mi nutes Do n t be afrai d or as ham ed of this I t is necess ary i f you wish to be a well and strong woman You res t when you don t attempt t oo ’ S . , . . , , ’ . , , . , , . - ’ . . ’ . 1 Side Talk s 48 th G ir ls wi m uch for then you do better work R es t for you may mean reading a pretty story while for me it m a y be leaving books and looking ou t at the gr een trees for a while F i nd ou t that rest whi ch is bes t s uited to you and permi t your s elf t o have it , . , . . RE S T I N TA LK T hat is a pleas ant rest To s it s till and li s ten to the qui et talk of somebody el s e s omebody w ho wi ll not require an an s wer from you —a chari table somebody who wi ll not mi nd i f gradually as the talk dri fts i nto a monotone your eyes clos e and a r efreshi ng sleep of ten mi nutes comes to you S he G enerally talk is work wi th a nervous gi rl is s o eager t o show that s he is up in everythi ng s o anxious to be consi dered i ntelligent and cultured that s he forgets that li s tening is part of conversation and s he degenerates i nto what is called a great talker And that means on e who abs orbs the c on versation But s he who is wise and who find s rest i n talk will listen wi th i ntelligence and once i n a whi le s ay somethi ng worth heari ng But s he will n ot determi ne to tell all s he knows at once or t o drive all other talkers ou t of the field of conver Who has not been tired ou t by the restless s ati on talker — b y the on e who an s wers the question you did not as k her whi le she gi ves i nformation to some on e else who has forgotten more than She eve r knew ? . , , , . , . , , . , . , , . , . 1 Side Talk s 5 0 th Gir ls wi to be advanced women I wan t t h em to be healthy happy normal women intelli gent well read and above everything else t o understand the art of maki ng thos e bound by ti es of blood cling close to them I do n ot think women c an be good poli ticians an d good mothers wi ves and daughters too I do not think that a woman can Speak on politics to night and be interested i n havi ng a dai nty dinner as a rest for her h u sband to morrow ni ght O ur men are s ad as i t seems Slaves to mo n ey maki ng and the least we can do for them is to create a place where the keynote is rest and warmth and love S he who spen ds her time seeking votes making speeches and arrangi ng blue books will find i t impossi ble to thi nk ou t the proper way t o perform household duties to make li fe pleasan t for others or to bui ld a nes t as i t s hould be built i f i t is to bear i n golden letters the n ame of H ome . , , , , , , . , . , - - , . , - , . , , , ” . C LU B L I F E AM O N G WOM E N Neither do I approve of the extent to whi ch club li fe among women has been carried I do thi nk i t charmi ng for women to meet and talk over that which is i nteres ting to each other but I rather like the l d o fashioned way when all woman kind m et i n the afternoon some wi th a bi t of fancy -work some wi th hand s that were res ti ng and then as i t grew . , , , , , , ‘ The R es tles s n es s of t he Age 1 51 near sup per time the husbands and sons appeared and after suppe r al l had a merr y time together The adv anced woman says that w as the day of go s si p but I have been the gues t of many clubs and I have never heard at a tea party as much mali ci ous gossi p as I have i n these clubs w hi ch first of all demand that the membe rs Shall be sisters i n words as well as i n deeds This sounds pos i ti ve bu t my dear gi rl i t is true The mali ce and evi l speaki ng that come out i n the “ soci ety are j ust as promi nen t i n the club and are I thi nk a li ttle more dari ng The desire for positi on is great and the ri valry t o be presiden t or chai r man or wh a tever the office may be brings ou t all the petty faults that the advanced woman a fl e c t s to scorn and declares were relegated long ago to the sewing ci rcle - , , . , - , , , , . , , . , ” ” , , . , , , , ’ , ” . W H AT I W OU LD L IKE I would like m y girls to do their wo r k as they should have the pleas u res which are thei rs by ri gh t but not take on themselves u nnec e ssary work and above all things to avoi d un necessar y has te A res tful woman is the most gracious of nature s crea tions S he is the pe rfect fl ower of womanhood But the nervous qui veri ng gaspi ng bundle of nerv es the r esult of t oo much hurry and too many unnecessary duti e s as repres ented by the advanced , , , . , ’ . . , , , , 1 5 Side Talk s 2 th G ir ls wi woman is what I dread that my girls should b e come I f you go on an errand go qui etly stead i ly and cert a i nly If you are exercisi ng walk evenly and res tfully do n ot rush and tear I f e have an opini on to give don t your u s t o y nerves to ti ngling and your heart to throbbing by the has te wi th whi ch you utter i t S ay what you have to s ay quietly slo w ly and disti nctly When you are among women don t attempt to talk when e v erybody else is talki ng for then your voi ce wi ll become that s hrill falsetto whi ch is the Si gn that the nerves are all undone Do what your hands find to do but don t reach ou t and take work that does n ot belong to you and which w as never intended for you I f you make yourself well and strong you can help the weak but i t is due to thos e among whom you live that you care for yourself mentally and physi cally And be sure that when the good G od as ks you as to your soul H e wi ll also as k you how you have treated the case gi ven for i t and whi ch w as made i n H is likeness Wi ll you thi nk over this and avoi d the v ice of the day —hurr y ? , , . , , , , . . ’ , . , , . ’ , . ’ , . , , . . . 1 Side Talk s 54 th G ir ls wi thi s plan once i t is made for my dear girl i t is much better to go away and leave your hostess r e r t i n u than to stay and make her wish that e t o g gy “ you had gone To welcome the comi ng and speed the parti ng guest is her busi nes s and t o go away leavi ng a pleasant impression behind you is yours , , , . ” , . T HE D U TY OF T HE V I S I T OR Now you have started to visi t at the house beau ti ful and as you go whirling through the coun try on a fast train you must thi nk over what you are going to do F i rst of all you are to be a pleasure and not a trouble to your hostess ! your luggage has be en checked through and like a wise li ttle woman you will have prepaid for its delivery at the house Arri ving there and bei ng greeted by the variou s members of the fami ly you wi ll be taken to the roo m that is to be yours and unles s you have a very i nti mate girl fri end there you wi ll be left alone for a li ttle while s o that you may straighten up your belongi ngs freshen yourself and be ready to meet all the members of the family I am concluding that you are the girl who has no mai d to arrange your affai rs and put them i n their proper place Your hostess has very thoughtfully cleared ou t a cupboard and a chest of drawers for you and you put a way your gowns and underwear wi th exactly the same care that you would i f you , , . , , , . , , , , , . . , G ir l The w ho Goes A-v is it ing 1 55 were at home There is a dain ty cove r on the dressi ng table and bei ng a well bred gi rl you wi ll n ot s t a i n that wi th perfumery nor s corch i t by being careless wi th the lamp that heats your curl i ng tongs You will remember that your first duty is to be as neat as po s s ible i n the room whi ch has been dedi cated to you I f you are v i s i ting where only one servant i s kept you wi ll be wise and kind i f wi thout being as ked you take care of your own room s o maki ng yourself of as little trouble as pos It may be that at home you are a bi t lazy s ible but here i t is your duty to be perfectly prompt es pecially at the breakfas t table but you must not appear u nti l you know that that meal is ready A well bred gi rl never keeps a table wai ti ng and never by word or manner sugges ts t hat at her ow n home the hou r s ar e di fferent or poss i bly more con For the time bei ng she is a member of v e n ie n t the house i n whi ch she is stayi ng and the member who takes the greates t amount of care i n bei n g courteous - - , , , , , . . , , , , , . , - , . - , , , , . , . T HE T I M E T O D I S A PP E A R It always comes— that time when i t is wise to leave one s hostess to herself You may argue and “ say But she asked me to come and s ee her S o S he di d but s he did n t as k you to li ve with her and to be a burden on her hands at all times and hours H ave a bi t of fancy -work or a book ’ . , . ’ , . . 1 Side Talk s 56 th G ir ls wi to whi ch you can devote your ti me for a whi le and di s appear either on a veranda to the li brary i f there is one or i f there is no other place to your room This gives your hostess ti me to arrange her household affairs to plan out the day and when s he is ready be sure she will come and seek you I t is possi ble that you are visiting the dau gh ter of a household but whether it should be the mother or the daughter the time for disappearing because naturally each wi ll s hould be observed have duties that need attention You may be very s ure that a j udi ci ous absence will be appreci ated by whomsoever you may be visiting But then t oo mu t be ready to do whatever your friends may o u s y desire and my dear girl Show that you are satis fi e d wi th the arrangements made for your ple as ure , , , , , , . , , , . , , , , . . , , , , , . OM E OF T HE S M I S TA KES When y ou are a visi tor yourself remember those gues ts who were joys to you when you were act i ng as hos tess and those whose visi ts were a con In very fe w households can the t in u a l misery general arrangements be so ups et that the washing of a visitor s li nen can be done i n the house her clothes brushed or her s hoes looked after Now taking m y advi ce you will as k your ho s tes s to recommend you a laundres s and i f s omeone i n the hous e does have time enough t o do you one or , . ’ , . , , , Side Talk s th Gir ls wi Y OU R T RU N K IN When you are packing yo u r trunk tr y and put i n i t everythi ng that you will need s o t hat you wi ll not have to borro w fro m your hostes s You wi ll r e quire the si lk or cotton matchi ng you r gowns y our needles s cis s ors and thimble and i f you ar e an adept at artistic needlework I would s ugges t your doi ng a pretty piece while you are v isi ti ng—on e that may be left as a souvenir of your v isi t wi th your hostess You mus t have wi th you your ow n brushes your letter - paper and pens and when o u open your trunk you must put your thi ngs i n y thei r proper places givi ng them the s ame care whi ch you would i f you w e re goi ng to be i n the hou s e a year in s tead of a week Besides your clothes there mu s t be s ome vi rtues packed i n your t runk virtues that you wi ll take ou t and use all the time O ne is cons i deration You wi ll find that a visi tor well equipped with thi s wi ll be much li ked Another is punctuali ty that vi rtue of kings And still another is neatness a dai nty li ttle vi rtue Spe c iall adapted to young women Then there t o o y i s another li ttle vi rtue which does n t always have that name gi v en i t but i t certai nly is on e and that is pleasant s mall talk You want to be able among your friends when you are ou t and mo s t es pecially at the table to talk pleas antly on subjects that are , . , , , , . , , , . , . . . , . , . , , ’ , , . , , , G ir l The w ho G A oes -v is it ing 1 59 not personal and by maki ng yours elf mis tres s of the ar t of s mall talk you wi ll be surprised to find how agr e eable you wi ll be con s i dered and as you do not d iscus s the affai rs of the last es tablis hment where you visi ted you wi ll m ake y our hos tes s glad for s he will know that her surroundi ngs and what ever happens in her hou s e will be s hown the s ame res pect , , , . Y OU R ’ FRIEND S FR I E N D Naturally when i t h as been decided that y ou are coming your fri end lets her friend s and acquai ntances know that S he expects you and S he i nform s them that she wi ll be glad to have them all call on you Now i t is possible that you may m eet on e who is p arti cularly attractive to you whos e man ner char ms you and who s e i n telligence i s a delight to you The attraction is mutual but my dear gi rl don t make the mistake of letti ng this new fri end become more to you than the one wi th whom you are stayi ng Accept from her only the i nvi tations that include your hos tes s and i f your new acqu ai n tan ce s hould i nvi te you to come and visi t her do not be rude enough to gi ve her par t of the ti me t hat w as i ntended for your old fri end but i f you wish t o go to her and your mother does not object make your arrangement s for the time to be after your first visi t is finished I do not appro v e of s tayi ng at the houses of people whom you ha v e , , , . , , . , , ’ , . , , , , , . 1 Side Talk s 60 j ust met to las t S . th G ir ls wi uch qui ck fri endships are not likely . U N D ESIR A B L E V I S I T OR T HE You know her S he appears late and untidy at breakfas t and s hows by her listlessness that s he is dissatisfied wi th the food that is s e t before her H er room is very untidy and s he annoys the ser vants by aski ng fa v ors of them when they are busi es t , The chi ld r en i n the house worry her and s he i nvi te s people who are strangers to to pa y o u y v isi ts at ti mes that are most i nconvenient When u are goi ng to take her for an outi ng s he is late o y and appears overdress ed Then s he makes one of the gi r ls of the fami ly unhappy by attempting t o attract her s weetheart from her and prove how fickle he r s S he is ne v er s atisfied and she is always telling you about the place where s he stayed last and how differently everything was done S he is surprised that you have your dinner at the hour that you do and does n t hesi tate to s ay s he isn t hungry at that time When you have taken a deal of trouble to make the parlor dai nty and s weet and s hu t ou t the glari ng s u n s he elects to wri te her letters there and fails to s e e why you s houldn t prefer the bri llian t daylight to stream i n at all hours S he is the guest you certainly ar e wi lling to speed And s he is the guest that I do not wish my gi rl s to be like S he does n t hesi tate to borrow your . , . , , . . . , . ’ ’ , . ! , , ’ , . . ’ . Side Talk s th G ir ls wi remember it Le t all the pleasures and all the lovingki ndnes s stand ou t before you as boldly as po s sible and let everythi ng el s e he blurred out with the sponge of forgetfulnes s I spoke of the fami ly quarrel I f unfortunately you s hould be i n the room when such a thi ng occurs leav e at once if you po s s i bly can but i f not refu s e to gi v e any opinion whatever and after i t is all o v er do not discu s s i t wi th anybod y You must also forget any reference to money matters you m a y hear and s urely y ou are too ki nd -hearted if y ou hav e v i s i ted among people who are not wealth y e ver to speak of the economi es that you ha v e noticed and w hi ch were neces s ar y . ’ , . . , , , , , , . , , , . . A B I T OF T ROU B LE N OT T hat w as w hat we all said about a gi rl w ho had been visi ti ng u s S he w as alwa ys there when we wanted her and w hen for domesti c rea s ons we desired t o be alo n e s he had either gone ou t for a walk or w as i n her ow n roo m amu s ing herself S he found everythi ng that w as done for he r v ery pleasant and when the ti me came for her to go from the m other of the hou s ehold down to the servants there w as regret S he departed carryi ng wi th her a loving i nvi tation to come soon agai n a n i n v i tation that w as direct from the hearts of tho s e wh o gave i t That is the sort of v i s i tor I . , , , , . , , . , . G ir The l w ho G oes A -v is it ing 1 63 want every on e of m y gi rls to be : the one whos e coming is a deli ght and whose goi ng is a sorrow the one who whi le she is wi th us is a pleas ure i n the household an d who is s poken of after she has gone as being the very ni c e st of girls Now w on t you try to be t he righ t ki nd O f a v isitor Won t you think over what I have sai d and make yours elf a joy to your hos tes s ? Won t you be carefu l not to talk about di s agreeable things and won t you be more than careful not to c ri tici se an y thi ng or anybody ? For be i ng among strangers n ow whom you m a y hurt do n k Thi nk and u o t o y act al w ays wi th the greates t cons iderati on be sur e then you wi ll have a good time and when they all say good b y to you i t will be wi th regret an d of course that is how you want them to feel This li ttle bi t of a s ermon is gi ven to m y girls not because I believe they would do anythi ng that w as wrong wi lfully but because they sometimes forget I want them to remem be r and with the remembr a nce will come the ri ght action , , , , . ’ , ’ ’ , ’ , . , - , , . , , , . , . T H E A R T O F T R A VE LL I N G E A S I L Y R O M all over the country letters come to me from gi rls who are going to have an outi ng and as almost every on e of them h as saved the m oney for her trip by many sacrifices s he wants to obtain the greatest possi ble amoun t of pleasure from the expendi ture of i t Now s he cannot do this unless s he knows how to trav el which b y the bye doesn t mean j ust the buying of a ti cket and the going from on e place to another b u t also means doing i t in the most comfortable manner and the most comfortable man ner curi To spend ou s ly enough is always the eas i es t money so that the great e st amount of pleasure and comfort m ay be got from i t is an art and oddly enough an art that i s usually well understood by girls who have plenty of money and not very well understood by thos e who have not Person ally I thi nk there is econom y in securing a seat i n a parlor car for then on e is comfortably . , , , ’ - , , , , . , , , , , . , - , 1 Side Talk s 66 th G ir ls wi goes off amid good wishes to that ci ty where s he knows s he wi ll recei ve a welcome As soon as the trai n has got well ou t s he wi ll bei ng wise take off her coat hang i t up remove her hat and put i t i n the rack take off her gloves put them i n her coat pocket and then settle herself comfortabl y to enjoy the passi ng panorama or the book whi ch S he need never have s he h as brought wi th her any hesi tancy i n touchi ng the electri c bell and as king the porter where the ladi es toi let room is for this is s omething that the good traveller always finds ou t The hours fly by and being a healthy girl she finds to her as tonishment that She is hungry to her s u r s h e looks at her watch and di scover s prise that it is exactly her luncheon hour It is only a minute s work to put t he books aside and to pick up the small square package done up i n “ L white paper and marked i n blue penci l S omebody who w as wise very wise knew that the a v erage lunch on the trai n was not only extremely poor but for what w as gi ven extremely e x pe n si ve and s o for the girl who is goi ng to have a good time there w as a luncheon prepared . ' , , , , , , , , . ’ - , , . . ’ , ” . , , , , , , , . , AB OU T HER L U N C H E ON Just here I want to s ay a word or two to s ome girls who have rather s illy i deas about one s right to economi ze These girls s mile at the i dea of ’ . T E a s ily v ell in a r The Ar t o f g 67 1 tak i ng a lu ncheon and would rather foolishly spend their money i n getting a meal because they though t i t looked the right t hin g t ha n i n taki ng a lunch wi th them O f course i t may not be possi ble for you to carry all your mea ls w i th you bu t this first on e certai nly can To the silly gi rl I wou l d like o u y to say as an encouragement that the people whom she envies an d whom S he cal ls the bes t ar e always those who look out for thei r ow n comfort provided i t does not i nterfere wi th that of any on e else That eating one s luncheon from a box should to her sugges t poverty is ridiculous i t s u g ges ts i nstead that one is fortunate enough to have hom e people w ho look after one s comfort And i t may be added that no people s o consistentl y carry thei r lunch eons wi th them as do the mem bers of the E ngl ish aristocracy whom s he s o much admires , , ~ , , . , . ” , , ’ . , , ’ . , . W H AT I T MAY C O N S I S T OF In the lunch box which b y the b y is a ni ce clean whi te on e there i s lai d a dain ty paper the ki nd that confecti oners u s e i n whi ch are four or five delicate sandwich e s made of thin bread wi th the crust cut off and havi ng spread b e tween them over the thi n scraping of butter a layer of canned meat or thi n sli ces of chicken tongue or ham finely mi nced Then wrapped u p i n another piece of pape r are some oli ves that have - - , , - , , , , , , , , , , , . , Side Ta lk s th G ir ls wi been carefully dried before they were put i n the box and for a dessert there i s an apple or a pear a n d for a surprise there is a m ost delightful piece No matter how fond of them you of poundcake are do not have an orange put in your b ox th e y are troublesome to eat and are apt to s oil your hands Your lunch over and you have eaten i t very slowly you open your travelling bag take ou t your own towel go down to the toilet room and gi ve a little bath to your face and to your hands Ask the porter to thr ow away for you the box i n which your lunch w as or indeed i f you have some still remai ni ng put it a n d the box back among your belongi ngs for you don t k n ow what your s upper is going to be like B y the b y speak ing of the porter I may mention that another econ I do n ot mean extravagantly om y is to fee hi m but moderately and the fifty cents whi ch you give him as well as your poli te m anner wi ll tend to make hi m courteous and obligi ng duri ng the tri p , , . , , . , , - , ' . , , , ’ , - - . , , , , , , . AB OU T HER T R A VE LLI N G BAG In your travelli ng bag are not only the little thi ngs that you wi ll n eed on your journey but a sufficien t number of your belo n gi ngs for u s e i n case your baggage Should not arri ve i n time There is your brus h and comb your whisk and then you m a y have two towels yo u r ow n soap i n , , . , , , 1 Side Ta lk s 70 th G ir ls wi black and blue made i n the si mplest fashi on i s most useful When She is ready to go to bed the porter arranges her berth for her and s he goes t o the toilet room taki ng wi th her her shawl strapped package S he removes her shoes and s tocki ngs p uts on the knitted Slippers that She has taken ou t of her bag removes any garments whi ch s he pleas es and assumi ng her wrapper whi ch has been folded i n her shawl strap repai rs to her berth After fasteni ng the buttons of the curtai ns s he disposes of her clothing as best s he can folding each article s moothly and carefully and placi ng her money watch and ti ckets i n her wrapper pocket — h And then s e should try to rest the porter will call her i n good season and her ti cket will not be asked for d u ri ng the night In her strap whi ch Shows as it s outer wrappi ng a shawl or travelling rug s he may have her ow n pi llow i f She desires i t But this is not a necessi ty as the cars are supplied wi th li nen that i s usually fresh and clean In the morning the wise gi rl will put on her stocki ngs an d Shoes i n bed leavi ng the laci ng or buttoni ng o f them un ti l later Then she wi ll as sume her other garments and repai r to the toi let room where s he should as expedi tiously as po s sible make herself neat tri m and fres h that her fri ends who are to meet her may n ot find her dusty nor travel stai ned This must be done qui ckly that She may n ot be classed among the women who are the dread of all , , . , - - , . , , , , - . , , , , , . , ' , . , . , , . , . - , , , , - , , . The A r t o f Tr av ell ing Ea s ily 1 7 1 consi derate women on parlor -car s — the women who take and hold pos s es s i on of the toi let r oom as if it were a fort - . AB OU T HER A RR I V A L I f fri ends are to meet you and en tertai n you the r e is nothing for you to trouble about except the fi n d ing of them i n the great crowd whi ch is likely to be as sembled at the s tation But i f you are goi ng to a hotel i t is a li ttle di fferent and now I wan t you to take m y advi ce about this Do not take a strange cab but the carriage or omnibus that bear s the name of the hotel When you reach the hotel you will b e shown to the reception room ! then send word by the s ervant that you wish to speak to the clerk giving the servant your card When the clerk comes tell h im i f such is the c as e that yo u r rooms were engaged by letter or wire i f not tell him exactly what you want and what yo u wish to pay Make the matter perfectly busi ness like S ometi mes it is w ise to mention the name of whoever recommended you to the hotel es pe c ia lly i f you are entirely alone I f your t runk has not come u p wi th you gi ve the check for i t to the clerk who wi ll attend to i t for you and I do n ot thi nk you will have any trouble In this country women who are alone are respected and i f you are quietly d r es s e d and ladylike i n yo u r appearance . , . , . - , . , , , , , . . , . , , . , 1 Side Talk s 7 2 th G ir l s wi men in all stations of li fe w ill respect you and Sho w you the deference due your s e x . AB OU T T HE HO T E L The girl who is stopping at a hotel whether She i s alone or i n a party must understand that con S p ic u ou s gowni ng i n the di ni ng room or about the hotel is in extremely bad taste At a famous hotel i n Washi ngton they always conclude that the w oman who wears a tea gown i n the di ning room knows nothing about hotel li fe and i n this they are correct Your gowns want to fit you well ! they may be as smart as you desi re but they must be qui et and they must n ot expose your neck or arms If you ar e goi ng ou t wi th friends after di n ner and Wish to wear an elaborate toi lette then as sume i t after dinner But do not go i nto t he publi c room dressed i n your party frock Then about service It is quite true that you are payi ng for servi ce but that servi ce has i ts li mits and i t does not mean the runn ing of your errands the attendi ng to your pers onal affairs unless you pay extra for i t I f you wish a carri age find ou t di the o ffice exactly how much i t will r e c t ly from cost you and do not put yourself in the position There is of having to wrangle over the pri ce probably no better test of a well bred woman than her appearan ce and manner in the cars or i n a , , - . - - , . , , . . . , , , . , . - 1 Side Talk s 74 th G ir ls wi the real from the i mi tati on Therefore m y dear girl be s atisfied wi th the fri end s you hav e Put S tart ou t determi ned to have a good ti me i n your travelli ng bag a great lump of hope ! make as li ttle as possi ble of the troubles and as much as possible of the pleasures and when you ar e talk i ng it all over you will s ay : I never had such a good ti me i n my li fe And maybe somebody “ who is a bi t li ke me wi ll whisper to you It w as because you started ou t with that i ntention My girl on e makes or mars mo s t of the pleasures If you are only determi ned to of life oneself s ee nothi ng but the si lver lini ng i t wi ll al w ays appear G od bl e ss every on e of you and make m a y be ha v e a happ y time where v er you u o y . , . , . , ” . . , . . . THE MOT H E R OF MY G I R L m y girl is seven years old s ometimes s he is fifteen some ti m e s s he is eighteen and agai n s he may be any age and yet feel as though she would like to be mothered a li ttle And when I read her letters I wonder what the mothe r s all over the world are doi ng I wonder i f they remember that when th e great command ment w as given that res pect should be shown to paren ts by thei r children i t w as m ean t j ust as certai nly that a respect should be shown to children by thei r parents and es peci ally by thei r mothers ? Your girl has come i nto this world endowed wi th a brai n an d a heart and your first du ty is to cultivate both Then she may be s e n s it iv e sh e may b e s h e may be qui ck tempered nervous where you are stolid calm and equable Now my fri end the obli gation you ow e that gi rl is a grea t one You have got to think ou t her character and ca ter to it I do not mean that you O M E TIM E S , , . . , , , . - , , , , , , . . , . 1 Side Talk s 8 7 th G ir ls wi should go but H e expected that mother love would make you study the difference between on e girl and another and m ake you discove r the bes t way to gi ve happines s to your ow n gi rl S ometimes when s he gets to be si xteen you com plai n that you had hoped to find s o much comfort i n her but that s he seeks strangers i nstead of you and finds her greatest pleasure away from you Th iiik back duri ng the years R em ember when t he child came to you wi th the story of her joys and you told her you were R emember when s he came i nto t oo busy to listen the parlor where you were enterta i n i ng fri ends and you told her to go ou t that grown u p people wan ted to talk abou t thi ngs she mustn t listen to As you di d this why are you surprised that be far away from you n ow ? Wh y s he should should you wonder that her clos est fri end is not her mother but some young girl who li v es i n the neighborhood - , , . , , . ” . . , - , ’ , . , B E C A REFU L HO W Y OU S P E A K O nce when your gi rl w as very li ttle She as ked to be allowed to choose her own hat S he had the i nsti ncts of an arti s t and s he knew the hat you bought her di dn t sui t her but you i nsisted on her Now why couldn t you have g i ven i n w eari ng i t I f She had chos en something t oo delicate t o her , , . , ’ , ’ . , , Mother The o f My G ir l 1 79 too expen s i ve you could have explained to her the reas on w hy i t w as i mpossible and then b e tween you s omething could have been s elected that would have pleas ed both As i t w as your gi rl wen t home looked at he r s elf i n the glas s and made u p her m i nd s he w as ugly that i t didn t make any di fference what s he did that nobody car ed for he r becau s e s he w as ugly and that nobody ever would And s he su ffered as only a sensi ti ve girl can su ffer And I would like to warn you my fr iend t hat the si ns you comm i t ag ai ns t your chi ldren will cer t a in ly either here or hereafter rise u p very black before you I know of t w o w omen who were told when they were children that they were ugly O ne of them brooded over i t w as hurt by i t never ceased thinki ng of i t w as awkward and s hy until on e day when s he w as about sixteen s he met a man who loved her and who married her H e laughed at the i dea of her bei ng ugly ! he took her to a mi rror and showed her a pair of bright e y es and he told her that her ha ir w as bea uti ful S he w as but a year s s lender i t is true and a bi t sallo w travel and a year s love and a yea r s constant b e lief that after all s he w as not ugly made her i f n ot a beauti fu l at least an a t tracti ve woman whi le becoming dress e s brough t abou t eas e of m an ner and the ugly duckli ng to everybody s s urpr ise was counted among the swans But t o this day s he or , , , , . , , ’ , . . , , , , . , , . , , , , , , . , . ’ , , , ’ ’ , , , , , , ’ , , . 1 Side Talk s 80 th G ir ls wi never forgotten and never ceased to dis li ke the people who told her s he w as u gly And the other girl ? That w as a tragedy S he bore the comparison between her and her sister unti l s he w as seventeen and then unhappy wretched child s he ki lled herself Now don t u think you ought to consi der your daughte r s ? o y You wi ll not hurt them by telli ng them of any charm they may possess There is a dear gi rl of my acquai ntance whose quick temper w as cured by a wise mother telli n g her of the beauty of her eye s and of how differently they looked when s he w a s angry has . . , , , ’ , . . . AB OU T HE R RE LI GI O N There comes a time in every gi rl s li fe when the questi on of right and wrong presen ts i ts elf to her very positively S he has heard prayers and s e r mons all her li fe long but s he has not thought S u d de n ly sometimes from a physi cal sometimes from a mental state s he is overcome with the thought Ju s t of religion and a desire to do what is right at this time s he needs her mother to guide her ! s h e wants that mother to teach her that religion is for every day use ! that i t is something i n li fe which has a close relation wi th the rest of the world and that it is not merely the goi n g off ei ther to church or to her room and throwi ng herself i nto a state of ecstasy H er mother must teach her ’ . , . , , , . , - , , , . 1 Side Talk s 82 th G ir ls wi mother this can be easily done by setting a good example and by encouragi ng your daughter s faith , ’ , . AB OU T HER S W EE T HE A R T ome day your gi rl blushes and stammers and looks extremely conscious and i f you are her con fi da n t e s he tel ls you about the young m a n who walked home from ch u r ch wi th her The w ise m other will take that purely as a matter of course s a y that i t is very poli te in hi m and i gnore the blu s h es and the shyness But she wi ll find ou t about that young man and then when s he thi nks i t prope r s he wi ll i nvite him herself to come into the home There he will be seen as he is and time wi ll prove whether he is the real sweetheart or whether he merely turns ou t to be on e of the pleasant fri ends which i t is always a gi rl s right to have i n her mother s ho m e Many girls have made bad marri ages and foolish ones simply b e cause they never saw the man whom they event u ally married except i n the house of strangers at entertainments or when these two were enti rely alone And n o gi rl ever became thoroughly ac wi th a man i n this way The wise u a i n t e d q mother wi ll sympathize wi th her gi rl in the story of her sweetheart ! wi ll have hi m around very much with all of them wi ll make him on e of them s o that the girl sees his v irtu e s an d his faults an d S , . , . , , . , , ’ ’ . , , . . , , , M The Moth er o f y G ir l 1 83 an opportun i ty to decide whether s he loves him well enough to n ot only admi re the fi r s t bu t bear wi th the second S he i s a bad mother who makes her girl s small vani ty at the admi rati on shown her by a young man a s ubject of ri dicule for at once the gir l s hear t wi ll clo s e up and never agai n will s he confide in her mother I wish oh s o much that mothers wo u ld thi nk of this S urely then m ore gi rls would be saved from unhappy marri ages an d fewer lives would be made w retched forever has , , . ’ , , ’ , . , , . , , . THE GI R L S V I R T UE S ’ C an you expect your gi rl t o be chari table when i n her presence you do not hesi tate to talk of your neighbors mali ciously ? Can you expect your gi rl to be free from envy when i n a fault -fin din g way o u compare what u have w i th that whi ch o is y y poss es s ed by your richer nei ghbor C an you ex pe e t your gi rl to be modes t when you sh ow no respect for her and think that s he n eed not mi nd sayi ng or doi ng anythi ng before her m other ? Can you expect your girl to tell the truth when to save yourself a li ttle trouble or be cause i t would i nvolve a long explanati on or for some equally silly reas on you do not hesi t ate to tell a fal s ehood ? Can you expect you r girl t o gi ve to you the respect that is due when s he hear s you laugh and make a j est of your own mother s peculiari ti es ? Can you ex pect , , , , , , ’ , 1 Side Talk s 84 th G ir ls wi your girl s religi on to be on e to li ve by when s he Can s ees that i t has no part i n your daily li fe ? you expect your gi rl to be a good and noble woman when you are petty and selfish and trifli ng ? E very day i n your life you must rem ember that you are the li vi ng example that your dau ghter is to follow E very morni ng you ough t to pray for help t o live s o well duri ng the day th at your daughters wi ll find i n you thei r i deal of the perfect woman The girl w ho is happy enoug h to have her mother represent all that is good is the gi rl who cannot but be good herself S o much of i t rests with you I tell you the cry of the children all over the land is for mothers for tho u ghtful mothers lovi ng mothers and sympatheti c mothers S o many girls are hungry for a little lo ve and a li ttle sympathy and you W ho should be s o generous wi th them you from whom they have a right to as k s o m uch you let them s tarve Certainly your reward wi ll come to you ! there would be no j ustice i f i t did n ot and knowing this I beg of you to thi nk of your chi ldren and be mothers not s trange r s to them ’ . . , . . , , . , , , , - . , , , , . IN Y OU R O LD AGE Then it will all come up before you — the mi stakes that you have made And you wi ll reali ze that n ot only have you fai led i n your duty to w ard G od . MY S W E E T H EA RT AN D I H AT the way I think it ought to be worded Because then the trace of selfishness that suggests i tself i n Me and M y S weetheart is entirely l ost And there can be no real love where selfishnes s exists You may smile at this my dear gi rl and thi nk that then there mu s t be very little love i n the world there is only a li ttle bit but you have a ri ght to your share of i t Yo u r sweetheart and you ! I wonder i f you kno w what that means to people whos e sweethearts have dri fted from them whose sweethearts have forgotten them or whose sweethearts have been taken away from them by that i nexorable tyran t Death The days are long and sun s hiny and the knowledge that y ou pos ses s a s w eetheart a real on e ought i t s eems to m e make your heart dance wi th delight every duty become a pleasure and every pleas ure seem tri pled ’ S . , , ” . . , , , . , , , , , , , , , , . My Sw eeth ea r t a nd I 1 87 Perhaps you have known y our s weetheart for y ears perhaps you have only kno w n hi m for a few months but nevertheles s he has discovered that you are the on e woman for him and the on e who m he w is hes to have walk bes ide hi m all his li fe s har i ng his s orro ws an d hi s j oys And you ? You are only t oo glad to be his com pan ion And thus bei ng o f one mi nd i t becom es necess ary that you shall thi nk ou t what are your duties toward each other for li fe is not all love though as far as you t w o are concerned you may make i t s o , , , , , , . . , , , , . , MA K E H I M Y OU R FR I E ND F irst of all i t is neces sary that your s weethe rt a hould be your compani on and your affectionate fri end as well as your lover Indeed u nles s you combi ne thes e two— the friend and the lover—the lov e will wear away and the lover wi ll grow weary S o i t seems good and ri ght that you s hould thi nk of the things which i nterest him and als o th ink ou t thi ngs which ough t to i nterest him and by pleas an t talk make him aware of them What I mean m y dear girl is t hat wh ile the expressi on of love is righ t and proper and t hat i t is qui te right that the man who is to be your husband should greet you wi th a lo v i ng kiss an d words that tell of his affe c ti on for you sti ll your hold on hi m will be grea ter i f you m a ke him i nterested i n the books you have s , , . . , , , , . , , , , 1 Side Talk s 88 th G ir ls wi read and the plays you have seen or i f you talk to him about some question which has i nterested you and abou t whi ch you have a decided opinion I n thi s way you will become compani onable and let me tell you that while i t is the easiest thing i n the world for a young gi rl to get a sweetheart i t is only by becomi n g his good friend that s he can keep him , . , , , . T HE MA R MA LAD E OF LOVE But s ays some girl who has v ery in de pe n d ent ways why shouldn t he cater to my i de as why should I cater to his ? O h my dear what a mistake you are maki ng You are not cateri ng to his ideas you are only doing that which is right and womanly and endeavori ng to keep the love which you have gained You may discu s s nothing more seri ous than the difference between yellow and brown hai r and your s weetheart may s ay to you that brown locks are the lovelies t i n the world and his eyes may tell you the reas on why he thi nks s o Then you may defend golden hai r the eveni ng through and when you t w o par t you have had a m er li ttle ti me you have made your sweetheart forget the car es of li fe and i t has been entirely b e cause you talked about s omethi ng that each w as interes ted in Another evening i t may be a book another eveni ng you may let hi m explain to you all about the politi cs of the country and still an , ’ , , , , , . , , . , , , . , 1 9 Side Talk s 0 th G ir ls wi i n the eveni ng let him come where all the rest are mother and those bad boys and the other girls— let him come ri gh t into your home life fill your place ! s e e what i t is like an d how you i n time your i nterests wi ll become his You hang your head w hen I s a y thi s —you think you would rather s e e hi m alone well i t is not such a long ti me si nce mother w as a girl herself and s he wi ll manage before he goes that you shall have fifteen mi nutes or half an hour to talk over wi th hi m whatever seems of most importance to you That half hour will appear more to both of you than all the res t of the eveni n g but do you thi nk i t would have been cou nted s o valuable i f you two had be en alone all the time ? I t is pos si ble that you r sweetheart i s going to es cort you to a concert ! then let hi m take you from the very mi dst of your fami ly your mother wishi ng that you m ay have a good ti me and my dear gir l i f he al w ays thi nks of you as surround ed by ca re and consideration his self respect when he is honored with the charge of you wi ll keep him from doi ng or saying anythi ng that wo u ld n ot be done or sai d in the home nes t you , , - , . , , , , , , . - , , , , , - , , , . S MA LL COURT E S I E S OF LI FE It is possible that your sweetheart may never have had any si s ters to tell hi m of the li ttle thi ngs My Sw eethea r t I an d 1 9 1 that an noy women and that he has never before cared enough for a girl to gi ve her the ri ght t o make known to hi m what s he thi nks ar e odd little ways O nce or twice he has caught you by the arm i n getti ng through a crowd or when you were wal ki ng together in the eveni ng naturally you did not like that Well tell him so but don t draw your arm away and be cross about i t ! i nstead look hi m right straight in the face and say Dear b oy I would s o much rather lean on you than ha v e y ou lean on me Then sli p y our hand where i t belongs u nder his left arm close to his heart S uppose your s w eet heart should i ncline to s carfs you don t admire I once heard a girl tell a man s he hated him You needn t b ecause he wore a pale blue scarf be as posi tive as that but you can suggest to h im that as a blonde he always looks better i n an all -black s carf while as a brunette he can wear the whi te ones all day and put on the black ones for very formal occ as ions Men are very much what women make them and i t is the easiest thi ng i n the world to teach your sweethear t how to act and dr ess accordi ng to the s ocial laws and he will ne v er dream that he is bei ng taught but will beli eve that ever y s u g ges tion has emanated from h is ow n brain Le t hi m u ndersta nd that he is never to be an ything but respectful an d considerate of your fami ly , . , , . , ’ , , . , . , ’ . ’ . , , . , , , . , 1 9 Side Talk s 2 th G ir ls wi and make this an unwritten law by showing r e Spect and consideration for his Never permi t him to gossi p over the affairs of his fami ly wi th y ou Their secrets are not yours and you have no right to know them I f something is forced upon you make up your m i nd to thi nk the best of i t This is some thi ng you w i ll n ever regret Don t let your sweetheart because you have told him you love him neglect any of the li ttle courtesi es about whi ch you were s o careful before he had gotten this confessi on of your love S e t nothing down to lack of thought but gi vi ng proper thought to all small politenes s es yourself exact the same from hi m Never let that meanes t of all things jealou s y enter your heart I f the man is worth your love i f you hav e promised to trust and believe i n him you are wronging him when you permi t suspi ci on to come to you and i t I f before you w ill i njure you i n every way told him your lo v e you had not thought ou t whether the love he offered you w as a good and true on e then i t is possible you des erv e to suf fer from your c ar eles snes s but i f you believe i n your sweetheart you are i nsulting him when you let yourself become a prey to j ealousy Poli te ness is on e of the ca rdinal vi rtues and i ts great v alue is never s o much appreciated as when every on e of it s la w s obs erv ed between people who care . . , . , . ’ . , , . , , , . . , , , , . , , , , . , 1 Side Talk s 94 th G ir ls wi that i t is an engagemen t ri ng does not excuse the assumpti on of an enormous di amond A ri ng w hich h as some sentimen t attached to i t or one that has i ts ow n story for two is a thousand times more to be desi red than the ki nd of ring that can be bought by anybody Certai nly you do not want to begi n your engagement wi th as it s souveni r a ri ng that has caused your sweetheart to as sume a debt for that would be a very bad c om . , , . , , , m en ce m en t . If your sweetheart is away from you i t goes Wi th Now ou t saying that you will wri te to each other I do not want to start a grai n of suspi cion in your mi nd but I must s ay : do n ot wri te to hi m every thing you would s a y Men are proverbially care less and you do n ot know whose eyes may res t upon your letters and strangers might find i n them a source o f amusement that would be extremely morti fyi ng to you Then t oo while you may gi ve your s w eetheart for his own special pleas ure one pi cture do not let him decorate his rooms wi th i nnumerable photographs of you for stran gers ey es to res t upon and strangers lips to cri ticise F renchmen s a y that i f you are looking for the woman a man loves you wi ll not find her pi cture i n his room that though there may be pi ctures of many other women there the woman of his heart cannot be found It is the woman who is n ot there whom he loves . , , . , , , . , , , , ’ ’ . , . . My Sw eeth ea r t an d I 1 95 AB OU T Y OUR RE LI GI O N ome t i mes you tell me that you and your s weet heart get i nto heated religious discu s s i ons If I were you I wouldn t do this N o m an w as ever convi nced of the beauty of religion by argument You must m ake your fai th a li vi ng on e to i mpres s your lover with it s b e au t v and worth Your r e ligion must show itself i n your every day li fe and by your works he w ill know how great and beauti ful a thing i t is I do n ot thi nk that h appy mar r ia es ensue when people have exactly oppo ite s g opi ni ons and very decided ones about thei r b e li efs and for that reason I should not adv ise your acceptance of a man whose faith is di fferent from your own Man y a girl wi ll tell you that s he knows of such marri ag es but a happy marri age pres upposes simi lari ty of though t about matters of gr eat im portan ce and certai nly one s reli gion is the mos t important F ai ths i n whi ch people have bee n born and educated m ean much t o them and a hou s e di vided agai nst i tself is certain to fall Into the religi ous ques tion about you and your sweetheart comes the consideration due to your father and m other and I must say i n answer to man y of my gi rls that I can no t advise them to m arry agai nst the wishes of their parents I b e lieve that i f a gi rl wi ll tell her father that she b e S . ’ . . . - , . , , , . , ’ , . , . , , , . 1 Side Talk s 6 9 th G ir ls wi loves a certai n man and will as k why he objects to hi m that s he wi ll be made to understand i t all F athers are reason able creatures especially where the happiness of thei r daughters i s concerned for we all kno w that though they may hav e a cer tai n pride i n thei r s ons i t is thei r daughter s who always get closes t to their hearts Iie v es s he , , . , , , , . A T I NY S ER M O N To the gi rl who has a s weetheart I would say be as careful of your love as i f i t were the most fragi le chi na and do not let i t ever be nicked i n any way for you wan t nothing less than a perfect love This may be you r s if you wi ll guard your love Your love may be as ide al as you please and yet because love i tself is above the mere thi ngs of earth i t can yet govern your li fe practically s o that for dear love s sake the unkind word wi ll not be spoken and the cruel thought will never enter your heart S ometi mes for dear love s sake we suffer but the love i tself is so well worth having that on e can endure the pain T o you and your sweetheart I be true be lovi ng have a great s a y be faith ful affecti on for the friend wi th the great love that goes to the sweetheart and you wi ll attai n that perfect union which on the day when you t w o become on e will sho w i tself i n your lover s face “ and the lookers on will know that the heart of her husband doth safely trus t in her , , . . , , , , , ’ , , . ’ , , , , . , , , , , , ’ , , - . 1 Side Talk s 8 9 U ND E R th G ir ls wi T HE GOO D C LOA K I t is almo s t imposs i ble for you to listen t o u n k i nd words yet I want t o tell you of the di fferent m ethod s of repelling gos s ip s hould i t come to you This kind of chatter whi ch is n t always evi l is the begi nni ng of that gossip whi ch u nfortunately i n ti me dri fts i nto being mali cious and i nduces the speakers to thi nk that a clever thi n g even i f i t is bitter and s arcas ti c is righ t and proper to Now you who are bright and merry can s ay stop this sort of t alk very quickly and the best way is by showing not only an absolute indi fference to it but by bei ng s o qui et that your sti llnes s a t tracts attention then i t will soon dawn upon the talkers that your si lence means scorn “ “ B ut my bri ght girl suppose they s ays are saying disagreeable things of my friend ? Then of course you must defend her but be c a re Make i t a quiet and reason fu l i n your defence able one and not an excited defence that is wi th and whi ch only tells how much ou t argument y ou care for the fri end agai nst whom the disagree able words are being said S ometi mes more is t he pi ty the truth is told but told i n a h ar d u n ki nd way Then if I were you I should s ay T hat is true but this girl is my friend and I S upp os e we for on e would rather not hear it , . ’ , , , , , , , , . , , . ” , , , , , . , , , . , , , , . , , , , , . , C h t a i r The Ma n tle o y f 1 99 all thi nk of the wors t about ourselves and how an accoun t of i t would sound i f i t were told In the presence of scandal mongers take under your man tle of char i ty all thos e people whom you can defend and show your contempt for evil speake r s by defending the right i f you can or b ykeeping perfectly qui et ” . - , . FOR EVER Y DAY US E For your cloak Not j us t for fes ti ve occas i ons must be worn all the time and your ch ari ty m u s t be n ot only of words and deeds but of looks A pleasan t smile will someti mes make a great man y people fee l happy when before they were all as “ the children say as cross as sticks Chari ty really means considera t i on When you go into the breakfas t room you may wonder that yo u r mother is quiet and seems a li ttle troubled and n ot very much i nterested i n the idle tal k of the chi ldren Be sure that to mother s brai n com e many worries and frets s he has to thi nk ou t the a rrangement of th e household ! s h e has to con si der how best the limi ted sum of mo ney can be d isposed of and s o you m ust bri ng to her pres ence all the consideration you can and try and li ft at least some of the burdens from her shoulders You are employed i n an o ffice ! you may find your su pe r i or a li ttle i rri table incli ned to b e fault . , , . , ” . , . - ’ . , , . , Side Talk s 2 00 th G ir ls wi findi ng and showi ng himself anything but pleased at the morni ng even ts G o along and do your work properly and exactly ! when spoken to an swer pleas antly ! do what i s absolutely right and i f fault is found wi th yo u you can afford to forgi ve i t becau s e you know that time wi ll prove all thi ngs Whi le you have a mi nute to thi nk t e member that you s it at your d e sk or your type wri ter and when the end of the week comes draw your salary and the only respons i bi lity on your shoulders is to do good work whereas your em ployer has to study the nee ds of the market has to submi t to bei ng a loser when the days are dull and bears on h is shoulders the b u rden of many of who si mply do your work and draw your sala o u y ries Chari ty toward employers is accordi ng to the newspaper s ou t of fashi on bu t I like to thi nk that m y girls know how valuable i t is i n i ts u s e toward every on e wi th whom they may come i n contact . , , . , , , , , , . , , . T HE O N E W HO N EE DS To most people chari ty represen ts givi ng In reali ty i t means as well the gi vi ng of ki n dly words of material help or whatever may at times be needed M any young women thi nk that the giv i ng of a li ttle money here and there cons ti tutes all the acts of chari ty they need to perform Now giving from a chari table stand point is utterly . , , . . - , , , Side Talk s 20 2 th G ir ls wi they used to be and the cheerful visi t pai d to some one who is ill— all thes e are acts of charity that will stand ou t like golden stars opposite your n ame on the judgment -book The girl who won ders listlessly w hat i n the w orld s he can do to help anybody need only open her eyes very wi de and s he will qui ckly discover In every fami ly i n every neighborhood there is work of this ki nd to do and whi le i t would not be called chari ty work sti ll i t is that for chari ty pi tieth much A few cheerful visi ts a fe w ki ndly acti ons and a few cheerful words are worth more than all the penni e s that were ever collected for the heathen F or we have so many heathen at home and the bes t way to reform them is by example as , . . , , , , , . , , . , . AN OT HER FOR M OF C H A R I TY That is con s i derati on for the young and the awkward The young girl or boy may not kno w just the fork that i t is proper to u s e to eat some special dish with an d you are doi ng a kindly act when you quickly pick u p yours and so end the embarras sment That other boy who in the parlor dance or the game always seems to k nock things over and to make everybody conscious of his arms and feet can by a little care on the part of the con s iderate gi rl b e gui ded i n such a way that he will become a pleasure rather tha n a horror a n d . , . , , , , a C h t i The Ma n tle o r y f 203 remembe ri ng after his departure how eas y i t w as to be graceful he wi ll think over an d take to heart the lem on s o gently gi ven to him I tell you m y dear gi rl there can be no happy life without char i ty and you not only wan t to pray for i t day and night but you s hould prac t i s e i t so pe r s istently that i t b ecomes part of yourself When you hear “ somebody s a y I like that gi rl you never hear her s a y anythi ng di s agreeable and s he always makes people feel comfortable conclude that that girl h as si mply learn ed the beauty of chari ty and assumi ng it s mantle has taken under it s shel ter those w ho were s h y who were troubl e d or i n pain I do not thi nk a chari table gi rl remi nds people of the folli es that have brought abou t cer tai n res ults but whi le she tri es to c u re the pain and eventually succeeds s he lets the su fferer thi nk ou t for herself how it all came about and how a pleas ant folly w as succeeded by much sorrow Nobody who makes a m is take likes to be told that they were warned about i t be fore The “ habi t is one that is more u n I told you s o chari table than almos t any other bec ause i t is u nprovoked Your fri end undoubtedly thought that she was doing right and when s he makes a mis take i t becomes your place n ot to remind her of w hat led up to i t S he h as learn ed her les s on sa dly and s orrow fully The h ars h meth od of tr ea ti ng her s u ffer i ng of teari ng her wound apart , , , , . , , , . , , , ” , , , , . , , , , . . - - - ” , . , . . , Side Talk s 2 04 th G ir ls wi and pouring aci d upon i t is Chris t would have commended , n that ot w hich . T HE WAYS OF C H A R I T Y Many hundred years ago the G od Man said that only those who were wi thout s in should dare throw a stone at a si nner S o you who ar e going to walk i n the ways of charity must learn first of all to control your tongue You have no right to j udge an y human be ing You kno w nothing of the temptation you know nothing of the temperament that made i t s o eas y to yi eld and you do not know what the motive w as when the poor s i nner first started to do what afterward turned ou t to be all wrong You know that s he told a lie You don t kno w what s he told that lie for That i t w as wrong nobody can doubt Maybe i t w as told to hide poverty ! maybe i t w as told t o protect some one else ! maybe i t w as told without thought Nothing can make i t right B ut be a li ttle chari table i n your j udgment Try and pu t yourself i n that girl s place and i f you succeed i n doing that you wi ll be s urprised to dis co v er that under the same circums tances you would probably have done much wors e S ometimes people are branded with si n s that they do not commi t but the world accuses them and the unchar i table s tand afar off an d condemn - . , . , . , , . ’ . . . . . . ’ , . , Talk s S ide 2 06 th G ir ls wi myself O f course i t w as n t stolen and I am sorry anythi ng w as said about i t I t w as a li t tle late to be sorry for the girl who had bee n accus ed of bei ng a thief w as lying i ll wi th a fever brought on by exci temen t and the other t w o gi rls were both ill with nervous attacks S urely no on e i n that house wore the mantle of ch ar ity for there hadn t been a woman to defend those gi rls and almost everyone had wi thout a thought c on The ways of char ity ar e broad de m n e d them maki ng on e thi nk well before speaking and al w ays gi vi ng to the one accused the benefi t of the doubt ’ . , , ” . , , . , ’ , ! , , , . , . AN OT HER WAY OF C H A R I TY You thi nk the way to H eaven requi r es th e walking over a certai n path of belief Yo u r neighbor believes that i t is approached by an other and her nei ghbor by s ti ll another You all have fai th i n the same great truths and only di ffer i n a fe w forms Yet i f a disc u s sion should ar ise on e would think from the way you speak that your neighbor worshi pped graven i dols and that i nto her religion there came nothi ng that was beauti ful or good or lovely You bitterly con de m n her ideas i n regard to music or whether s he should kneel or stand when prayi ng to the good G od and you wonder how i n the world s he can expect a happy hereafter when she doesn t elect to . . , . , , , , , . , , ’ ' a i C h t r The Ma n tle o y f 207 follow certai n ceremoni es here N ow j udge your self What must G od thi nk of you ? H e s aid that i n H is F ather s hou s e there w ere many man si ons May there not b e m an y path s leading to them A nd you who clai m to be upon the right on e s o far forget the very firs t of the virtues of pure religion chari ty that you condemn yo u r neighbor S he goes along her way pouri ng oil upon the wounds of the si ck gi vi ng drink to tho s e w ho thi rs t and a helping hand to whoever may need it whi le you do not hesi tate to s a y that her way is wrong I don t like to thi nk that an y on e of m y girls is like this and yet youth is in c lin e d to be severe Chari ty s hould pervade the whole of li fe j ust as the fl esh odor of the trees fills the air wi th a thousan d s weet s cents I t should make the words that you say better the d eed s that you do worthi er and s o permeate every act of your li fe that to the world at large you yourself seem an outward si gn of goodnes s and kindnes s Truly i t is a beauti ful th ing the possession of thi s v i rtue F aith and hope stand bes ide i t but 10 i t is the greatest of all You and I will pray for i t s o that li fe may become more beauti ful , . . ’ . , , , . , ‘ , ’ . , . , . , , . , . , , , . . THE P H Y S I CA L LI FE O F A GI RL ‘ E AU T Y of body and face which is much to be desired con s titutes a letter of introducti on to the people on e meets but does nothing beyond that A woman who seems to be beauti ful may become absolutely ugly by showing herself to be i ll tempered vain or malici ous Wrinkles u pon the face are v ery often the res ult of bad pas s i on s The mouth my dear gi rl draws down at the corners from malice the eyes grow small by the lids comi ng together when on e is po s s es s ed of a cunning curiosity ! the chi n doubles i tself from gluttony and the cheeks i ncli ne to fold over when self to grow cross and to speak n e allows one s o with s hri ll high notes The strai n that results from s peaki ng loudly causes the muscles of the throat to over -develop and makes i t look stri ngy and unfemi ni ne S o first of all s he who would be charmi ng must remember that the woman who allows her , , , . - , . , . , , , ’ , . , . , , Side Talk s 2 1 0 th G ir ls wi dab over your face whirl the cloth around your neck carefully bathe your hands and then go out of the bathroom fully satisfied that you are quite clean ? There are thousands of girls who consider this all that is neces s ary and yet as the old darky ma mmy would s ay That s nothi ng more than a li ck and a promise There are few American hous es i n whi ch there is not a bathroom and i f one is s o unfortunate as to live i n a boarding -house where on e has not a pri vate bath there wi ll be wis dom i n paying a li ttle extra for the pri vilege of having the bathroom to one s s elf at a certain hour and sa v i ng this on car fares My dear gi rl I know exactly what this is and i t is not a woman w ho has never lived i n a bo ardi ng house who is talk i ng to you Therefore Is ay take five m inutes to yourself and scrub that tub out well with soap and water before you get i nto i t I do not recommend for any girl i n this country a perfectly cold bath Ameri can women are inclined to be nervous and are not over strong consequently the wisest thi ng to do is to plunge i nto water that is tepid and which when one gi ves one s self a thorough rub bi ng will not cause the much — to b e dreaded cold This morni ng bath is taken for cleanli nes s and it is the only way unless i ndeed one stand s up and is carefully sponged by whi ch one can be s ure of perfect physi cal sweetness Us e s oap ? Plenty of i t But this soap need not be of an expe nsi ve , , , , , ’ , . , ’ , . , , - , . . . - , , ’ , - - . , , , , , , . . The P hy s ical Life o f G ir l a 21 1 kind and the wi s e girl is that on e who choos es the si mplest quali ty an d that which is not scented A hot bath whi ch is desi rable at least twi ce a week s hould be taken at night and the ti red gi rl will be s urprised to find not only h ow rest ful i t is but how perfectly deli ci ou s her own body feels when s he lie s do w n and the eyelids gradu ally fall over the eyes weary of looki ng all the da y long The cheap napery that IS s old makes a good wash cloth for you must remem b e r that whi le the sponge is desirable i n the bath somethi ng more than a Sponge is required t o make on e abs olu tely clean B y the bye a light quali ty of fl annel on e combi ning cotton wi th wool is als o recommended for a was h cloth It is only after on e has grown accustomed to the morni ng bath that one reali ze s a ll that it means how i n the bes t way i t wakens on e up mentall y and phy s icall y and s tarts on e ou t read y to begi n the work of anothe r day , . , , , , . - , , , . , , , - . , , , . A FT ER T HE B A T H After y ou hav e bathed and dre s s ed yourself put ti ng on underwear suffi ci ently warm but not heavy arrangi ng your stays s o that they are well fitti ng but n ot tigh t and havi ng a gown ou t of whi ch all the dus t has be en shaken s o that none of i t wi ll s eek a re fuge i n your s ki n go to your break o u y fast And what do you eat ? F i r s t of all oa t , , , , , , , . , Side Talk s 21 2 th G ir ls wi meal because you hav e heard i t is healthy Now oatmeal is good for a big strong man who is ou t i n the O pen ai r a great deal for a woman who is n ot i t first of all has a tendency to cause a greas y ski n and i n time to ups et the diges tion In addi ti on nine times out of ten oatmeal is not well cook when properly e d—it is s er v ed i n lumps whereas boiled i t should be like good ri ce each grai n bei ng absolutely s eparate from the other Then do you eat the oatmeal properly More than any other food i t requires to be well che w ed or else i t wi ll s olidi fy and form an i ndi gestible and heavy lump i n the s tomach Physi ci ans s a y that oatmeal that is swallowed whole is more to be dreaded than meat taken in pieces at a gulp I f you are really found of a cereal then choose cracked w he a t w hic h is not as heating as oatmeal is more easi ly digested and i s more generally well cooked That the brawny S cotchman is a wonder of health upon an oatmeal di et is not deni ed but he unlike you i s taking much exercise and spends nearly all his time i n a wonderful braci ng ai r A fter this you elect to have some bee fsteak In the firs t place that s hould have been broiled and the only gravy about i t should have been that which comes fro m the meat i tself And then yo ri as k for a well done piece O h dear There you have made three mistak es Beef is not fit to eat when i t is cooked u nti l the j ui ce is gone out of i t and i t is dry—in , . , , , , , . , , , , , , . , , . . , , , , . , , , , . , . , - . . , . 21 Side Talk s 4 th G ir ls wi AB OU T Y OUR WA LK S Many of the books that I have read givi ng s u g gestions about walking do not hesi tate to talk about five mil es a day as bei ng proper exercise N ow there are a great many of us who couldn t walk five mi les one day wi thout bei n g lai d up for the next Personally whi le I regard walking as good exercise I thi nk i t is more apt to do on e goo d when i t is taken ei ther with an object at th e end of the wal k or i n pleasant companionship O ver -qui ck walki ng is not good for anybody a n d the time to stop walki ng has been reached before one gets ti red Tennis golf an d croquet ar e all healthy ou t of door games and I advise m y girl s to i nd u lge i n them as far as po s si ble al w ays wi th a proviso that thei r love for the game does not m ake them stay at the sport too long nor i n their exci tement must they allow the m selves to be t oo energetic As I have never ri dden a bi cycle I can say v ery li ttle about i t only I cannot believe that i t is wise for on e to overdo any good thi ng no matter how charmi ng i t may s eem at first I wish that all my girls would learn to w a lk well good walki ng means neither to stride nor to hop but to place the front part of the foot deli berately on the ground allowi ng the heel to follo w and then to take a s tep i n proportion to the length of , . ’ , , . , . , , . - , - , , , . , , . , , , The P hy s ical Life o f G ir l a one s legs Danci ng when on e does n ot do too much of i t and when i t i s limi ted to a well aired parlor i n one s home is a gentle desirable e x e r cise Much good may come from the exerci s es i n a g ym nas ium but so m any young girls overdo ath le t ics nowadays that I al m os t fear advis ing them ’ , . - , ’ , , . , . T HE V A LU E OF RU B B I N G The old ti me remedy a thorough rubbing is n ow a fas hionable one u nder m any names massage bei ng the usual one A good r u bbing is the b est remedy for the tired body but t hat rubbi ng mu s t be given evenly and qui etly and the pati ent mus t not be allowed to talk To the worn out girl who cannot sleep a few pennies are well spent w hen this mode of gaini ng res t is chosen i n preference to opiates The arms the back under the knees and the forehead should all have even rubbing made smoother by the hands of the rub ber having a li ttle cocoa butter or vaseline upon them If one is fortunate enough to be wi t h one s own people then a s ister or better s ti ll the mother w ill be the m a s s eu s e I n additi on to gi v i ng on e a good res t a rubbi ng tends to develop the body and to make i t more supple The rub ber i s advised to culti vate a very even impres s i ve movement but while i t sugges ts str ength i t must not be rough e lse sleep or rest will never come and excitement be the only res ult - , , , . , - . . , , , , . ’ , , , , , . . , , , , . 21 Side Ta lk s 6 th G ir ls wi When the head and eyes are tired a systematic smoothi ng of the hair whi ch of course must be loosened and have all i ts pins taken ou t is a great relief The eyes may be rested by bei ng dabbled w i th hot water —remember gently dabbled with an old han dkerchi ef not wi th cold water and not rubbed R ubbi ng wi ll irritate them when the soft pressure of a good dabbli ng will relieve them very much As soon as there is the slightest evi dence of a weakeni ng on the part of the eyes go to a good oculi s t E cono m ize as you will but i f u can keep your eye s ight o y , , , , . , , , . , . , . . , AB OU T Y OU R M E D I C I N E S I f on e is ill i t is proper to go to a doctor And the doctor should be sought at the very begin ning of the illnes s so that a cure may come sooner H owever there are various li ttle med ic in e s that on e may keep among one s belong i ngs for the li ttle troubles that are certain to come and which are e as i ly cured For the girl who suffe r s from indigestion there i s t o be taken from Apri l u ntil S eptember whenever i t may be needed for i t is n ot recommended for cold weather the creamy mixture of sulphur and mo lasses Thi s wi ll clear the eyes make the ski n white and firm and u nless the trouble should be of long standi ng put the stomach i n good condi . , , . ’ . , , , , , . , , , 21 Side Talk s 8 th G ir ls wi T HE M I ND AND T HE B O DY I want my girls to understand thoroughl y the close relati on that exists between the mi nd and the body Wi th the body uncared for i t does not seem as i f the m i n d could be i n good order And surely when one has bad thoughts and bad man ners the body wi ll ce as e to be beauti ful The best motto for you to take i n regard to your body is Be clean Many of us are u nhappi ly handicapped from birth by i ll health Then all that we can do i s to tr y and keep as well as possible and to determi ne that the weakness of the body shall not be reflected “ upon the m i nd When one s back is bad and one s legs are queer then to make an e ffort to forget this and to fill the mi nd s o full of cheerful ness that the looker ou will believe one beauti ful is the greatest hero i sm M y dear gi rl take care F ew of yourself ! try and keep well and cheerful people di e from overwork Many lose thei r good looks from idleness and sulkiness I t is sai d that i t is better to wear out than to rust out N ow you and I are not anxious to do either i n a hurry but we will joi n hands and resolve that bei ng happy healthy and wise we wi ll make o u rselves physi cally and mentally a j oy to all those who love u s or who m we love . . , . . - . , ’ . ’ ” , - . , . . . , . , , , , , , , , . A S T R A N G E R IN A ST R A N G E LA N D H AT S what you are you and I We have come to th is great ci ty to earn ou r bread and butter and the people we loved and who loved u s the peo ple who had ki ndly thoughts of u s the people who were interested i n ou r hop es ou r jo ys and ou r sorrows are all left behi nd A nd we are facing a new world Now how shall we do i t ? S hall we pe rform ou r tasks i ndi fferently returni ng home to mope and be unhappy and refusi ng to find any thing good in li fe becau s e the dwellers i n this new land do not put ou t the hand of good fellows hip ? I f that is what we i ntend doi ng you and I we may as well make up our mi nds that we will r e mai n strangers forever There is an old fashi oned s ong that says Tis home w here the heart is and you and I mus t remember that we can carry home i n ou r hearts and find i t wherever we are i f we wi ll only remember that G od is i n his H eaven and that all goes well on earth ’ , . , , , , , . , , . , , - , , - . ’ ” , , , . Side Talk s 2 20 IN GOO D th G ir ls wi S OC I E TY urely we need not count ours elves as among the dwellers in tents when we can build a beauti ful mans ion i n which love and friendshi p may be enshri ned You who are wi thout hope s ay t o me We are two strange girls who are working to earn ou r bread and who li ve i n a small room in a boardi ng -house How can we get i nto society N ow I who am a no one wants to know u s ? bit hopeful laugh at you and answer There i s every reason why people s hould want to know u s We are brigh t i n wi t and we are healthy i n body These thi n gs make u s agreeable compani on s Then I continue cal l up s ome of your honest pride and remember that where M a c G r egor si ts there is the head of the table consequentl y that where you and I are is good s ociety In the first place i t isn t wise to solidi fy one s self into an ice block and refuse to know an y body In findi ng the flo w ers on e must come across some weeds To m ake pleas ant acquaintances you and I wi ll have to go through some experi ences that are probably not qui te pleasant In the o ffice where I work there is a pretty girl who after twenty -four hours of acquaintance wi th me de clares that s he ne v er before met anybody for whom s he cared s o much is eager to tell me all S . , , . , , , . . . , , , , ’ , ” . ’ ’ - . . . , , , , Side Talk s 222 th G ir ls wi and a li ttle card saying that s he hopes you will bri ng me We go together and after the co n cert i s over s he introduces her sister and pos sibly her brother to u s Perhaps two weeks later we are as ked to spend an evening with her liste n to some m usi c and have a bi t of supper H er home is only a li ttle fl at but her mother is there and the whole place is fragrant wi th an essence of hospi tali ty Mo nths and years m ay pass and that girl though we may become great fri ends or si mply pleasant acquai ntances wi ll never be as e ffusi ve as the young woman who was i n the office wi th me but s he wi ll as the fri endshi p grows prove that her affecti on is worth having and therefore worth win ning An acquaintance made wi th great eas e is u sually dropped i n the same rapid way Time does wi ther i t and cus tom proves it s undes i rabili ty D o you s e e what I mean , . , . , , . , , . , , , , , , . . . , AT T HE B OA R D I N G HOU S E I t is s o di fficult to know how to do what is jus t right here Nei ther you n or I want to s it at the table like disagreeable mummi es and s a y nothing I have no trouble in deci d s o what s hall we do ? i ng that I prefer to go from the table to a book and have nothing more than a mere bowi ng a c quai ntance with any of the people there But who are a sociable li ttle creature you o u h o w y . , , . , , , St r a nger in A a St r a nge La n d wonder w hat pleasure I find i n books would like t o know about the pretty girl who si ts opposite to you and i f the young man nex t her is really i n love wi th her and whether the young m atron at the end of the table makes a ll her pretty go w ns or i f she doesn t how s he occupi es her ti me You who repres en t the general woman wan t to kno w your ki nd and be of them You are perfectly ri gh t in saying that I i n m y love for solitude and books am different You become acquainted wi th the pretty girl s h e i ntroduces to you two or three of the you n g men you meet the young matron and at night you are all do w n i n the parlor laughing and having as m erry a time as “ po s s i ble Then after a whi le there comes the li ttle ri ft wi thi n the lute the go s s ip of the house —there always is on e — whispers to you that the matron laughs at your c ou n t r ifie d dresses that the youn g gi rl is jealous of you and that they thi nk there must be something queer about me b e cause I prefer to keep to myself The gossip i n a boardi ng house is always dramati c and she credi ts people who merely want to be left alone w i th hav i ng some fri ghtful pas t You come up to me and cry as i f your heart would break and all I can s ay to you is My dear i t isn t worth i t ! take the ple as ur e ou t of i t all as you do the cream from the milk and let the rest go S ometimes i n a bo ar d i ng house an acquai ntance becomes a fri end bu t , , , , ’ . , , . , , . , , . , , , . - , . , ’ , , . - , Side Talk s 2 24 th G ir ls wi i t is only occasionally that this happens so regard these people as you do the pleas ure of the moment G e t from yo u r i ntercours e wi th them all that you can i nnocently and refuse to s e e or hear the dis agreeable si de After we have had a li ttle ex e r ie n c e we learn the absolute unstability of sudden p friendships whether made i n the office or i n the parlor We kno w by heartaches and tears shed by disappoi ntments and facts that friendshi p is a plant of very slow growth and that i t mus t be as tenderly cared for as the finest orchid , . , , , . , , , . AT T HE C HUR C H have brought from your clergyman at home a letter of i ntroduction to a clergyman i n the ci ty You present i t H e is genial and kind and tells o u that he must find you some friends among the y congregation You go regularly to church to S unday -school and to prayer meeti ng but at the end of three months you know as many people as y ou did when you first came Your clergyman h as been to call on y ou but you were out his wi fe came to v isi t you and the s ame thing hap pened You di d not take the trouble to tell h im that you were busy all day and s o both he and his wi fe came at the w r on g t im e You thi nk ver y black though ts about mi nisters who are paid big salari es and pay no attention to thei r pari s hi one r s You . . . , - , , . , , . , ‘ . , Side T alk s 2 26 th G ir ls wi sort of pri de who were shabbi ly dr essed and others who had the tenderest most lovi ng hear ts hidden under ri ch apparel , , . AB OU T OUR MAN N ER S and I thi nk that we know all about good manners and yet j ust as the cut of the gown and the shape of the hat i n the big city differ from those worn i n the li ttle town s o there a r e some cus toms that are di fferent and if we wish t o gai n a s ocial positio n we must notice and imi tate them I may be none the less a clever woman and yet drink my tea from a cup with m y spoon i n i t ! but my cleverne s s would amount to very little i f I did not di s cover that people generally do not do this You m ay be as pretty as pos si ble but peo ple will forget your prettiness i f the ys e e you cut ti ng your as paragus an d eati ng it fro m a fork rather than from the stalk held i n your fingers These are li ttle thi ngs but the li ttle thi ngs that you and I mus t learn i f we wish to be something more than mere s trange r s Then when i n answer to a letter of in t r odu c tion somebody w ho could be of help socially to both of us calls on u s leavi ng a card on whi ch her recepti on day is engraved we make the m istake of returni ng her visi t on some other day only to be told that she is not at home N ow the wises t You , , , , . , , . . , . , , , , , - , . , A St r a nge r in a St r a nge La n d 227 thing t o do as we can not go upon her day at home is to wri te her a pleasant li ttle note telli ng her that we are busy women that we cannot come upon her day at home and as ki ng i f she wi ll per You who m it us to come at some other ti me clai m to be very i ndependent s a y that you will not gi ve i n to her i n th is way That is r idic u lous S he is a wom an older than ei ther of u s and res pect is due t o her for that reas on i f for no other Then too we have sought her i n pre senti ng the letter and i f we wish to continue the acqu ai ntance and to gai n her fri en dship we mus t make i t plai n to her j ust h ow we ar e si tuated B e i ng a ki ndly woman she asks u s to come and have a cup of tea on the home day S unday or el s e s he i nvi tes u s on some speci al evening and then we be come acquai nted wi th her S o you s e e ou r man ners i n regard to cards and letters as well as at the table have much to do with ou r gai ni ng friends , , , , , . , , . . , . , , , , . , , , . , . , A F A LS E P R I D E You say you are sensi tive I s a y you are fool ish Wh en any one s eems to o verlook you you clai m i t i s becaus e you are earning your li vi ng N ow I i nsist that that has nothing to do wi th i t I t is because there is somethi ng i n you that doesn t attract thi s person People are liked soci ally for what they are and w hat the y can give and not for . , . . . ’ . Side Talk s 2 28 th G ir ls wi “ what they do When I s ay gi ve I do not m ean i n it s ordinary sense but I do mean i n the sense of bei n g generous wi th pleas ant words and by showi ng an i n teres t i n whatever is going on You have the wrong kind of pride about your work You s ay wi th a curl of the lip and a toss of the head to some on e who has j ust been i ntroduced to you and who i t is mo s t likely wi ll “ be only a five mi nutes acquai ntance Oh I am a worki ng woman Now that is none of her or his busi nes s S trangers are not interested i n i t and you have no right to thrust your pri vate affairs upon them I t is qui te as v ulgar to talk conti nually of one s poverty as i t is to flaunt one s ri ches and i ndeed s ometi mes I think i t is the more v ulgar of the two . , , . , . , , ’ , , ” - . , . , . ’ ’ , , . FOR Y OU AND M E “ S o for you and me who are strangers in a strange land there are m any thi ngs concerni ng which we must be careful i f we wish to gai n and to keep a s oci al position F irs t of all we must be careful i n making fri ends and I think i t is a l wa ys w ise to beware of the new acquaintance who is over -fami liar and over -c on fide n t ial Then too we mus t take advantage of what we can bri ng from home that is the letter of i ntroduction to the clergyman and to the var i ous ladi es who may , ” , . , . , , , , , T H E Y O UN G W I F E S ’ F I R ST Y E A R E R Y many of m y girls were l as t June s brides and yet they have been lov ing and ki nd enough to ask that they may still be on the list to which they belonged before the ti tle of mistres s w as put before their names As the days go by it dawns on the mi nd of the young wi fe that the man s he loves is regarding her no longer as an angel no longer as a bi t of Dres den china and j us t at first s he is surprised No body has told her that the first year of her marri ed li fe would be the most di ffi cult on e During that ti me s he m ust learn what i t is to be a companion to her husband S he must remember that she has entered i n to h is li fe that she must be his comrade through good fortune an d through bad and e n courage him to look a t the best si de of life a nd al ways to hope when i t is dark for s unshine i n the future The years or months of courtshi p have not made these two people acquai nted wi th each other The li ttle bi t of temper that w as s o care ’ , . , , , , . . . , , . . The You ng Wife s Fir s t Yea r ’ 231 fully concealed the habi t of sayi ng some has ty li ttle word that w as s ubdued and the u n des ir able m ethod of bei ng unpunctual and a bi t careles s that w as hidden —all these are gradually dis c ov ered duri ng the first year of one s married li fe And no matter how much a wife m ay suffer ( and s he cer tainly wi ll she must learn to control her ! s elf an d to bear as m uch as possi ble wi th her hus band s weakness es The advanced woman may think that this s ounds very weak and not at all progressi ve Perhaps i t is not bu t v ery certai nly i t is the only way that on e can become a good w ife and a happy on e , , ’ . , ’ . , . , . HIS LI TT LE WAYS Perhaps the husband you s o much love is in c lin e d to be unti dy to throw a s car f there and a piece of soiled li nen here ! to lay a book down where i t do es not belong an d to leave a pile of photographs i n disorder s o that i t really requi res some trouble to arrange them N ow the wises t thing to do i s to say nothi ng about the careles s ways but after the lord an d m aster has departed to take a l ittle time to put everything back i n it s place I t i s m uch better to give that time and that little extra w ork than i t would b e to find fault for whi le the first w ords of fault -fi n din g might b e listened to wi th a certai n amoun t of , , . , . , 2 3 Side Talk s 2 th G ir ls wi grace the next migh t be met wi th frowns and the next wi th disagreeable words And then j ust as certain wi ll come the first quarrel And when two people who love each other quarrel they can s ay more bi tter words to each other than any people i n the world Your husband wi ll go away feeli ng that you do not care for hi m ! you will cry unti l your head ach es and all because you refused to take a little bi t of trouble Think of the trouble that he takes for thi nk f the many hours when busi ne s o u o s ! y cares are upon his s houlders abou t whi ch you know nothing ! and thi nki n g of this remembe r that all he as ks of you is to be a good hous ewi fe , . . . , . . F I RS T THE L U A RRE Q I t will s urel y come Two healthy people are bound to differ about something and all that I can advise you to do when i t does appear is to say that you are sorry and you hope that i t will never happen again No matter i f you are i n the right do this You are i n the wrong for quarrel i ng and you can apologi z e for that Be sure that your husband wi ll find ou t where he was wrong and after your little reques t for forgiveness he wi ll make his Then when you feel incli ned to quarrel the next time don t do i t Don t set your teeth and close your lips and make up yo u r . , . . , . , , . , ’ ’ , . Side Talk s 2 34 th G ir ls wi Wi ll you treat her just as you do your own mother n ot being afrai d to tell her of your li ttle affai rs receivi ng her as on e of your own and maki ng her feel happy i n the fact that s he h as not lost a s on bu t has gai ned a daughter and a lovi ng con siderate daughter ? Will you remember this too that before you came your husband w as all i n a ll to his mother And someti mes when s he comes to won t you leave these two alone and let s e e you them talk together as they did before the two b e ca me a tri o Do n t make i t eviden t that you are doing this but go off for a lit t le while and attend to s ome of your household duties You wi ll be loved all the better for it and be sure that i f any thing is said about you the words wi ll only be those of appreciati on and love Don t make your husband s mother an utter stranger recei vi ng her i n the drawi ng -room and changi ng all your arrangements s o that s he may be treated exactly as i f s he were a formal visi tor When You do not do i t wi th your own mother s he pays you a vi si t s he comes u p stairs where you are busy working and i f s he feels like giving a helpi ng hand you take i t i f not she chatters and gossips while you are sewi ng and both of you have a pleasant morning I f s he s tays to dine or lunch wi th you you m ay make a little ch an ge putti ng S ti ll you do s ome speci al delicacy on the table treat her as you would a visi tor from far off n ot , , , , , , ’ , , ’ ' , . , . ’ ’ , , . . - , , , . , , . The You ng Wife s Fir s t Yea r ’ 2 35 whom you know s lightly And you must not i f wish to retai n her love and s ympathy recei ve your husband s mother i n any other way Listen t o her word s of ad v i ce think them o v er and i f you do not believe i t is wi se to follow them give her your reas ons for t hi s Don t i gnore the wisdom that s he h as gai ned by experience S omebody asks S hall s he be a slave to her hu s ban d s people ! Cer t a in ly not No good lovi ng woman ever w as a slave when s he d id what was ri ght But no good lovi ng woman ever treated the mother that s h e has gai ned by m arriage i n the way that I have s een s ome mothers treated —mothers who wi s hed to give t o their s ons wives exactly the same love and s ympathy to s how the same ki ndn e ss and gi v e the same active help that the y have always gi ven t o thei r ow n daughte r s . , , ’ . , , ’ . . , ’ . , . , ’ , . TO KEE P U I E T Q R emember that what y ou learn abou t your hu s band s family i s to be kept to yourself ! that when you marri ed hi m and took his n ame you beca me on e of the fami ly and the li ttle trouble the little skeleton is n ot to be discussed wi th the members of the fam ily of whi ch you were born T o your sister it may mean nothi ng that some trouble has come to your husband s brother You may tell i t to he r i n s ec r ec y and i t may s eem of s o little im ’ , , , . ’ . , Side Talk s 2 36 th G ir ls wi portance that s he will repeat i t to her s ister in la w and gradually what w as meant to be a s ecret is told all round the neighborhood The art of keeping to yo u rself what you hear on each s i de of the house is on e that you mu s t cultivate for i t mean s the keepi ng of peace S urely you would n ot wish to hurt your hu s band and yet y ou wi ll do i t i f you cannot reali z e the i mportance of s i lence When you enter his mother s house anythi ng that is told to you in confidence must be forgotten when y ou lea v e i t unles s i ndeed it is di s cussed w ith your hu s band and the s ame rule wi ll apply to you r ow n family Don t i magi ne that every li ttle frown every little di s agreeable word is meant for you and do not retai l t o your husband anythi ng unpleasan t that may have happened when you were visi ting at his mother s hou s e Think that s he is your mother too and give her the privi lege of s peaking to you as your mother does I know i t isn t always easy to have fault found wi th on e when on e is tryi ng to do one s bes t but think over what w as s aid i f there is anythi ng helpful in i t and let the rest go R es pect your hus band s mother as you do your ow n and the res pect wi ll beget love and confidence as well as happi ne s s for y ou both i n the new li fe and the new home - , . , . , . ’ , , , , ’ . , , ’ . , , . ’ ’ , , ’ . , , , . Side Talk s 2 38 th G ir ls wi consi derate i n you to make an e ffort to find ou t those things ? My dear girl don t soi l your mi nd wi th such knowledge and don t lower yourself morally by cultivating a n d encouraging a vile curiosi ty Be eager to kno w the best abou t your husband s ki n S e e the best and tell of i t and when they do — these people who bear your husband s n ame some ki nd act don t forget to tell those from whom you came about i t and never no matter what may happen carry an u nki nd story about your husband s mother to the mother who bore you I f s h e be wise s h e would not listen But sometimes extreme love makes people unwise and s he might forget to repri mand her daughter for talking about th ings that i t would be wiser to for get Learn to control y our ears as w e ll as your tong u e ! be only eager to hear word s of prais e rather than words of blame ’ , ’ , . ’ , . ’ ’ , , , , ’ . . , . . A T LI T LE THING ome morning when Jack goes down town there is a perplexed look on his face and when he kisses you you thi nk he does i t rather as a matter of habi t than d esi re and like the loving li ttle goose that you are you go up s tai rs and have a hard cry concludi ng that your h u sband has ceased to love you Now that is all nonsens e If you have bee n a wise li ttle woman your husband loves S , , , , , . . l he You ng Wife ’ s Fir s t Yea r 23 9 you t o day a thousand ti mes better than he di d d u ring the honey -moon But while he w as put ti ng on his coat he remembered some busi ness perplexiti es and when he said good b y he w as thi nki ng of them Instead of cryi ng you ought to be glad that he thi nks i t worth whi le i n th es e days when many men are thoughtless to care to earn comforts and luxuri es for you The ki s s does be come a habi t but non e the les s is i t a loving habi t F orget all about the perplexed look on his face be ready and full of good cheer to m eet him when he retu rn s and i n your society let him fin d such compani onshi p that the down town troubles will be forgotten and the worries wi ll be worries no longer becau s e after all the s urmounti ng them mean s making a home whi ch is a n es t of bliss ful refuge Don t be afraid to le t your hu s band be fami liar wi th the home Dres s yourself as pr e t t ily as you like for di nner but let hi m lay as ide the business sui t and pu t on a loos e jacket let hi m don so ft sli ppers a nd be as comfortable as he can whi le he i s enjoying his di nner home Le t and you mean rest I don t mean that he shall forget the word politeness but I do mean that after the long toi lsome day he shall be per m it t e d to have res t of body and mi nd Perhaps he may want to take you out to some plac e of amusement perhaps not I f he does go wi th - . - , . , , . , . , , - , , , , ’ . . , , , . ’ . , , . , . , Side Talk s 2 40 th G ir ls wi good wi ll and enjoy i t this pleasure t hat he has rovided for you I f not make your elf happy in s p your home and make that home a ple as ant place for his friends to come If you do this he will not seek his friends outside Most women forget the value of making fri ends Possi bly there may be of their husbands fri ends on e or two whom you d islike wi th good reas on Don t sho w this dislike but after a whi le tell your hus band of the faults or the weaknesses that you have noti ced and you two may ei ther form a band to help the man or i f he thi nks i t wise gradually drop his acquai ntance No man wishes his wi fe to be surrounded by men who are not des irable I t seems to me that your motto for this firs t year be that v ery old fashi oned on e Be s hould pati en t Be always patient and i n time the fruits of your pati ence wi ll be a happy home a lovi ng husband respect from your fri end s and res pect and love from all who are uni ted to y ou b y the ti es of law and lo v e , . , , . . ’ . . ’ , , , , . . - , . , , , , . Side Talk s 242 th G ir ls wi bags i f she needed them And then — and then you come back to the li ttle nes t that is goi ng to be home to you and you make a wonderful dis c ov e r y It is that this marvellous creature this exquisite bei ng this dream is after all only a woman I f she had been an angel s he wouldn t hav e married you S he is human and therefore s he has her weakn esses and her li ttle faults and thes e you wi ll have to be i ntroduced to and you will have to have patience with them You wi ll hav e to learn to u nderstand her and t hem during this fi r s t year of your married life . , . , , , , ’ . . , . . B OT H OF Y OU It is a hard ti me for both of you S he knows li ttle of the peculi ari ties of man and you kno w nothi ng of the weaknesses of woman All during the honey moon there were kisses and smiles and pretty words and dainty com u and that are back home l i m n n o w o e t s y p that you have taken up your busines s li fe that you are i ndeed livi ng the ordinary li fe of a man you forget some of these affection ate acts You come home i n the eveni ng to be greeted by a wi fe whose eyes are fiery red whose li p qui vers and w ho cannot speak wi thout bursting i nto tears What i s the matter ? As you rus hed away to catch the car i n the morni ng you forgot to ki s s . , . - , , , , , . , , . t Year The You ng Hu s b a n d s Fir s ’ 2 43 her good b y and tell her that you hoped s h e would b e happy all the d ay long It is a li ttle thi ng to be sure but you trai ned her to thi s caress duri ng the honey moon and you hurt her feelings when you leave her w ithout a word now A woman my fri end is not an angel but s he i s a sens itive bei ng who likes to have as a wi fe the expressi on of affection that yo u gave her as a s w eetheart and during that happ y month after s he w as a bride - . , , - , . , , , , , , . T HE F I ND I N G F A U LT thi nks i t is queer that you didn t d is cover t hat s he pos s es s ed all thes e faults before y ou mar ried her A nd s he wonde r s as s he s its by herself and s tares out of the wi ndo w wh y i f s he had s o man y faul t s anybody ever cared for her It is true that the break fas t w as very bad I t is also true that s he has had four or five cooks w i th in the last two months but s h e is try ing her very best to get a good one and s he does w ish that you would encourage he r a li ttle bi t i n her troubles and not find fault wi th her all the time es peci ally this morni ng whe n her head aches as i f i t wo u ld split S he could h ave said some very n as ty things to you when you spoke to her but she tried not to and then you called her sulky And s h e wonders i f men ever have headach es as women do And her back ach es t oo and s ti ll S he ’ , . , , , . . , , , . , , . . , , Side Talk s 2 44 th G ir ls wi must discharge that cook who s he knows wi ll be i mperti nent to her And s he wonde r s what the next on e wi ll be like I thi nk you mi ght have had a little patience with her I t i s true your mother s household runs like a perfectly oiled machine but then your mother has been keeping house for fifty years and thi s li ttle girl who i n her white s ati n and orange blos s oms a couple of months ago you thought must be an angel has only been experimenti ng a short time Just remember that physically women are not as s trong as m en and that a headache that makes her eyes burn and a backache that makes her wonder if s he can walk ups tai rs s ometi mes come to her forci ng her to be con s cious of nothing but her physical misery It isn t necessary for you to say that you like the bad breakfast but you can encourage her and hope that she wi ll soon have a better cook and you could remi nd her that these are the early days of her housekeeping That is where your strength ought to come i n That is the time when you should represent to her not only her hus band but her helper s he , . . . ’ , , , , , . , , , , , , ’ . , , , . . , . , HER LI TT LE WAYS O f cou r s e s he has them And i t is jus t pos s ible that some of them may not sui t you But don t you think i t would be rather ni cer for you to . ’ . Side Talk s 2 46 th G ir ls wi sake s he wi ll make her ways your ways and li fe w ill be happier all around , , . T H A T F I LT HY U C RE L I f anybody had told you that you would be stingy to your own wife you would have cut hi m dead And yet when the summer time pas sed and the autumn days were over and the winter bon nets came i t w as n t v ery ni ce of you when s he said s omethi ng about getting a new bonnet “ to s ay Why I thought you had eight or ten bonnets i n your trousseau And I don t thi nk i t is very ni ce in you to as k her to tell you ex A a c t ly h ow s h e spent the hou s ehold money woman my friend will economi ze clos ely for the man s h e lov es but tha t man has no right to conclude that s he i s n t a partner in the purse You are wi se i n gi vi ng her a regular s u m for her household expenses but i f you are both wise and lovi ng there will be another li ttle purse that you will fill unasked for her personal expenses I and yet the woman I know best said s a y this that s he never mi nded aski ng her h usban d for money ! that s he loved hi m well enough to know that he wouldn t refuse and that she di dn t as k him unless s he wanted i t S till I thi nk i f you are a generou s -mi nded man you will never let your wi fe as k you for money and s o n ever , , . , ’ , , , , , ’ . . , , , ’ . , , , . , ’ ’ , . , , , t Yea r ' The You ng Hu s b a n d s Fir s 247 make her feel that what s he has is not hers by right S he earns i t j ust as much as you do for she makes a home for you and s he gives you such happi ness as can come from no other woman Don t do as s ome men let a woman make bi lls all over the to w n and never give her any money ! but let her learn the value of money by handli ng i t let her realize what i t means let her deligh t i n buyi ng for you wi th the m oney that i s hers something for your birthday or for C hri s tmas or to introduce a N e w Year of lo v e , . , . ’ , , , ' , , . Y OUR W I FE ’ S M O T HER wi s h her to love your mother ! then you must show the same ki ndly feeling to hers Think i t all ou t and realize how close a gi rl is to her mother ! how my m other represents consola tion and wisdom to her how she goes to mother wi th her grief and her happi ness and remember that you have to be not only husband but mother for you must be s o tender t o her that with her head on your breast and your arms about her s he will tell her troubles and her worries her joys and her pleas ures and not only look for bu t recei ve sym pathy from you And then when her mother is there be gentle and considerate of her S he has gi ven you her companion an d her li ttle helpe r an d be sure that there has been many a lonely You . , ” , , , , , , , , . , , . , Side Talk s 2 48 th G ir ls wi hour for her si nce that gay weddi ng day S O r e member that you ow e her thanks that must express themselves i n a pleasan t manner and i n courteous speech None of us can love people at once bu t maki ng u p our mi nds to care for them wi ll make affection come and best of all stay I f once i n a whi le your wife should quote her mother listen t o thi s patiently for do not forget that to the good daughter her mother represen ted wisdo m before s he even knew you Men my friend are not thankful enough to mothers . , . , , . , , , , , . , , . A P H AS E OF T E M P ER had the headache When you as ked he r s omething s he answered wi th a certai n amount of i ndifference and you grew si lent and s ulky At night when you came home s he had forgotten all about i t there w as a dai nty di nner for you and a bright happy looking wife to greet you and you were still sulky You though t i t due your di gni ty to make her comprehend that s he could not ignore a speech of yours What a miserable di gni ty th at is I I can t imagi ne i t belongi ng to anybody but a schoolboy and yet you clai m to be a m a n S he came up to ki s s you and you dre w away and s he wondered what w as the matter wi th you You ate your di nner and seemed to enjoy i t but you didn t s peak After di nner you read the evening S he . . , , , , - , , . . ’ . , , , . , ’ . 2 5 Side Talk s 0 th G ir ls wi T HE T E N D ER N E S S OF A MAN That is your best si de When you are manly enough to be womanly and to be chari table to the phys ical and mental side of your wi fe You laugh wi t h disdai n as is proper at woman s s u f frage ! then you must u nderstand that the woman who is not capable of taki ng the posi ti on of a man in the world requi res from men a deal of consideration Perhaps the ti me will come when the li ttle wi fe may whisper to you that wi th the there wi ll be s omebody else for you s ummer ti me to love Now comes the ti m e for you to show your manliness You can t possibly know all that that means to her and when the li ttle baby comes you are not goi ng to be mean enough to be j e al ou s and complai n becaus e all your wi fe s thought and all her love seem to be gi ven to the new comer You kno w why it is ? Because i n him she sees the pi cture of you and though she may appear to regard hi m as the most important person i n the world i n her heart of hearts i t is you who have her best love And you must learn to be very thankful for that little chi ld for unles s your household is peopled with children you won t have a home Children are needed to make i t and when the ye ar s have gone by and the time is growing very near for you to leave this world you . , . ’ , , . , , . ’ . , ’ . , , . ' , ’ , . , The You ng Hu s b a n d s Fir s t Yea r ’ 2 1 5 will find a joy and satisfaction i n them that noth i ng else can gi ve . F I RS T HIS YEAR I t is the mos t i mportant of all You are two people who are getti ng acquainted wi th each other and this acquai ntance means a friendshi p for li fe You must have fir s t of all a good stock of pati ence You kn ow li ttle about the ways and weaknesses of women and you mus t learn to be ar wi th them You have promised to love and protect this w om an and you m us t show that you are a m an of your word You must protect her from your ow n folli e s and you must be man enough not to be afrai d to tell her of your love The Spoken word of love means very m uch to the wi fe The kiss O f greeting or farewell tells a more lovi ng tale to the w i fe than i t ever did t o the sweetheart You must cultivate i f you wish to make your wife happy the expression of love Many a woman has died believing that her husband did not love her because he thought i t unmanly to tell i n words or d eeds of all the love in his heart U n manly ? I t is manly It is great and strong to take the woman you love close to you close to your heart to make your wi fe unde r sta nd that every day bri ngs her nearer to you every hour makes you love her m ore and that you are ten ti m es happier when you think o f her as your wi fe . , . . , , . , , . , . . . , . , , . . , , , , Side Talk s th G ir ls wi than when you dreamed of her as your sweetheart A man is at his best when he loves most And he is the best husband w ho makes his wi fe mo s t thoroughly unders tand the s trength of his love and all that She is to hi m . . .