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This was a letter I wrote to a friend, he is from Mexico but is also an American. He loves Thailand and has been here many times. His name is Manny. I thought I would fax this to you, it is about being here in Thailand. December 2006 On Thai and being in Thailand: You know that I have been coming here for 17 years now starting 2007. I had never spent much time only 2 or 3 weeks at any given trip. I always prided myself that I knew enough about Thai culture and had never had any problem with Thai's in general. I knew plenty of Thai in America, but I was mistaken in many ways, my perceptions hindered by my grandest illusions of an idyllic utopia. Manny you know what I am saying, because you understand a dual culture. Mexico and Thai is not that much different except for the food: OH GOD I COULD GO FOR A TACO RIGHT NOW! It's simple really, I'm not so gong ho because I see the undercurrent of Thai society, I have a clear insight with how things tick here, how people think and what why my wife is always protecting me from her own people. Life is not easy here for a lot of people, we are rich to them. There is no way to change that perception, you think you are not rich but to a majority of Thai you will come in contact with, you are rich. Part of it is the 3rd world concept which I will say I do not like the term 3rd world. Thailand is not unique in the developing world concept; I may feel the same way in Costa Rica, the Yucatan or many other places. I fundamentally believe human beings are the same; (well the Muslims may not be) but the rest of us who love the plastic material world are. We all have fundamental needs and basic desires for security, warmth, housing, food, family, fun. Then there is what I call my bubble of illusion, "Thai are so happy, fun people that love each other, not competitive or judgmental" Ha ha, what a fool I have been. We all have our illusion about things until experience darts a bull's eye into reality. Living in the culture for over a year and into my second year has been life changing, exhilarating and constantly amazing. I love the Thai culture, its people and much of the food (even if I eat it everyday). I understand my wife a heck of a lot better and know now why she prefers to live in America. On the other hand she is torn like me; we both love it here and at times it feels like home. Much of what I am talking about is because life here is hard, and that hardness beats you down. One gets tired of the imperfection of the street, the dangers of walking because of the possibility of getting hit by a motorcycle on the sidewalk, or from a car speeding around the corner or simply falling in a hole half covered by the malfunctioning municipality or gashing your eye out on some hawkers metal pole hanging out. Does anyone care? You start to think that, does anyone bloody care about fixing things around here or is everyone just out for themselves - as my wife keeps pounding into my stubborn head. The site of the impoverished can be an overwhelming experience, if one does not arm himself with emotional filters. Do you think your few coins are going to help that person? Perhaps, but for how many will you supply. A short walk beyond and another sorry sap appears and then another and then another. What do you do? Do you stop giving altogether, do you stop caring? Or do you simply give a little here and a little there. There is no guide written with how to cope with your feelings when seeing and interacting with these people. Thoughts run deep, because your walk to work everyday sees the same penniless people; soon the lady with gang green and the guy with the burnt off face become too much on your diurnal walk to work. You decide to take a taxi or a different route to avoid the unsightly. We in more developed societies are good at sweeping it all under the carpet, we don't like looking at messes; we prefer not to recognize them. The bottom line fact here is the rich and the poor. To you and me the average guy on the street with his neatly pressed shirt and tie, shouting into his overpriced cell phone with gleaming gold cuff links may not be rich; but to the noodle salesman or poor on the street he is as rich in perception as the tourist. They flaunt their status because in this have and have not world we are status conscious. That is ever so apparent with the importance of brand name shirts, and fancy handbags. What boils my blood is the treatment toward service people (like waiters) I know dogs that get better treatment. It is a relentless contrast here, the dramatic vignettes of the above play out a callous reality, too hard not to notice. Those that beg and those that sale trinkets on the street for a small daily stipend, contrasted by people like me and the white collar worker with seemingly no worries. Thailand is supposed to be a free democratic society, this is not so. Do you know Singapore does not filter the Internet but here in Thailand big brother watches over its citizens? When you watch the TV, the government blurs out the guy smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. It is as if Thai are a bunch of children that the government is protecting. When you read the censored newspaper everyday, one gets his fill of the corruption in politics or reading about the guy that ripped of the other guy. Now does that happen in other cultures? Yes of course it does. Does violence happen in America too? Yes of course it does. Do we have corruption in our political system? Yes of course we do. I am only pointing out what is in front of me. I love Thailand but am not so gung ho with false illusions like I was. I understand it better; I live it, feel it, sometimes get tired of it but for the most part enjoy it. I am one with it, sort of Zen if you will. I will never be a Thai and don't want to, but I am no longer a tourist that I can affirm. Being here has a different meaning now; I will never be that happy go lucky Falong that thinks everything is cool and sublime. But you know I would not trade the experience or the insight gained this past year for anything. Despite the illusionary bubble that burst a long time ago, my Thailand is maturing and evolving. I look forward to the coming year. In closing I want to say that in reading my comments above they may seem negative or paint a bad picture. Please do not think that I feel that way. What I describe above is a slice of a whole pie. It is 1/3 of my feelings. The other 2/3rds are completely different. This is a marvelous place, a great place for kids and Thai people are fun loving, good hearted people. I have learned a lot from Thai people, about how to live. That is for another paper. Ciao and Feliz Navidad. Your friend Todd