Download fndn101 essay

220 220 792_ishigri-essay.docx
by Iffat Shigri
Submission date: 31-May-2020 11:33PM (UTC+1000)
Submission ID: 1335167845
File name: 181277_Iffat_Shigri_220_220_792_ishigri-essay_1799324_1169405838.docx (37.85K)
Word count: 1414
Character count: 8883
Title page needs to include essay word
count.
1
This
introduction
has not
outlined three
critical thinking
strategies, and
does not
contain a thesis
statement.
incorrect cit.
Include a space between
paragraphs.
Good.
2
This should have
been your
introduction.
Missing ";"
incorrect cit.
3
Good
discussion.
incomplete
Space needed.
incom.
citation
incom.
citation
Good.
The conclusion could do more to summarise the three strategies covered in the
essay.
Country of publication needed.
incom. citation
220 220 792_ishigri-essay.docx
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE
GENERAL COMMENTS
31
Instructor
Iffat -
/40
Great work. There is some effective, detailed and wellexplained information in this essay. You write well, and
generally use sources to good effect. However, the
essay structure is not fully appropriate and impacts the
focus of the assignment as a whole. The introduction
paragraph in particular needs to outline which three
critical thinking strategies the essay will address, and
needs to contain a clear thesis statement. You have the
information in the first body paragraph instead, when
this paragraph needed to focus on the definition of
critical thinking.
Some of your points could also be brought out more
clearly. Instead of focusing on informal language in the
paragraph on bias, it would have made the argument
much stronger had you linked this to political or
commercial bias.
Overall though, there are a lot of strong points in this
essay. You have demonstrated the learning outcomes
of the unit and many of the skills needed for university
study. Well done, and all the best with your future
studies.
Teresa.
Final grade: 31/40 = Distinction.
PAGE 1
Text Comment.
Title page needs to include essay word count.
PAGE 2
Comment 1
This is a bit too broad. The topic sentence should introduce the concept of critical thinking.
Text Comment.
This introduction has not outlined three critical thinking strategies, and does not
contain a thesis statement.
QM
incorrect cit.
Incorrect citation.
Additional Comment
The authors are Boykoff and Boykoff.
In an essay of this size, it is not necessary to use citations in the introduction. All points made here
should be substantiated (i.e. referenced) in the body of the essay.
Text Comment.
Include a space between paragraphs.
Text Comment.
Good.
Comment 2
This would have made a good thesis statement in the introduction.
Text Comment.
This should have been your introduction.
PAGE 3
QM
Missing ";"
Missing semicolon:
Semicolons are commonly used to join closely related, complete sentences that do not contain
coordinating conjunctions or commas as connectors. Semicolons are also placed before words like
"however" and "therefore" when such words are used to join sentences.
QM
incorrect cit.
Incorrect citation.
Additional Comment
As this refers to a direct quote, you need to include the relevant page or paragraph number.
Comment 3
You need to expand on this point a bit; language per se does not reveal much. It would make the
point a lot stronger to acknowledge political or commercial bias.
Text Comment.
QM
Good discussion.
incomplete
Incomplete sentence. Each sentence must be a self-contained unit of meaning, with a subject and a
main verb.
Additional Comment
Page number needed.
PAGE 4
Text Comment.
QM
Space needed.
incom. citation
This is an incomplete citation.
QM
incom. citation
This is an incomplete citation.
Text Comment.
Good.
Text Comment.
The conclusion could do more to summarise the three strategies covered in
PAGE 5
the essay.
PAGE 6
Text Comment.
QM
Country of publication needed.
incom. citation
This is an incomplete citation.
Additional Comment
Page range needed.
PAGE 7
GRADING FORM: ASSIGNMENT 3B - FINAL ESSAY
IFFAT
SHIGRI
31
CONTENT /12
* Essay is organised into clear stages (introduction, body and
conclusion) * Information presented is relevant to the topic and purpose
(e.g. defines critical thinking, explains strategies, provides examples
from climate change debate) * Argument is developed through
paragraphs which each make a point, elaborate on the point (e.g.
through explanation and/or illustration), provide evidence in support of
the point, and connect the point to surrounding points * Introduction
introduces the topic with a general statement to orient the reader and/or
background information, outlines what is to follow (there are clear links
between the content presented in the introduction and the content
presented in the body of the essay) and contains a clear thesis
statement that answers the question (focused topic + claim on the
topic) * Conclusion rephrases the thesis, summarises the key points
and elaborates on the significance of the thesis * Essay is convincing
by adopting an expert position, engaging
* Essay is organised into clear stages. Not always
1/2 * Information presented is relevant to the topic
7
and purpose. Mostly. 1.5/2 * Argument is developed
through paragraphs which each make a point,
elaborate on the point (e.g. through explanation
and/or illustration), provide evidence in support of the
point, and connect the point to surrounding points.
Mostly 1.5/2 * Introduction introduces the topic with a
general statement to orient the reader and/or
background information, outlines what is to follow
and contains a clear thesis statement that answers
the question. Introduction largely off topic. 0.5/2 *
Conclusion rephrases the thesis, summarises the key
points and elaborates on the significance of the
thesis. Partly 1/2 * Essay is convincing by adopting
an expert position. Mostly 1.5/2
ACADEMIC STYLE /12
* Writer adopts a formal, objective and expert tone to engage the
reader * Writer gives information (rather than asks questions or makes
commands) * Writer evaluates information presented (e.g. for
relevance, validity, significance) * Evaluations are justified with
reference to external expertise/external sources * Sources of
information are synthesised to develop the points and guide the reader
towards a preferred, evidence-based position on the topic * Sources of
information (at least 7 from the unit) are incorporated with quotation,
paraphrase or summary with in-text reference and reference list at the
end
* Writer adopts a formal, objective and expert tone to
engage the reader. Yes 2/2 * Writer gives information
(rather than asks questions or makes commands).
Yes 2/2 * Writer evaluates information presented.
Mostly 1.5/2 * Evaluations are justified with reference
to external expertise/external sources. Mostly. 1.5/2 *
10
Sources of information are synthesised to develop
the points and guide the reader towards a preferred,
evidence-based position on the topic. Mostly 1.5/2 *
Sources of information (at least 7 from the unit) are
incorporated with quotation, paraphrase or summary
with in-text reference and reference list at the end.
Yes. Some errors. 1.5/2
COHESION /5
* Ideas presented within paragraphs are predicted with a clear topic
sentence, summarised and linked to surrounding paragraphs. *
Information flows logically from sentence to sentence across
paragraphs and connect with the overall thread of the argument *
Information flows from abstract terms in topic sentences to more
concrete terms in supporting sentences * Conjunctions and transition
signals are used to guide the reader and indicate the logical connection
of ideas * Participants are tracked through the text using cohesive
resources (e.g., through use of 3rd person pronouns, repetition and
substitution of nouns)
* Ideas presented within paragraphs are predicted
with a clear topic sentence, summarised and linked
to surrounding paragraphs. Mostly. 1/1 * Information
flows logically from sentence to sentence across
paragraphs and connect with the overall thread of the
argument. Mostly 0.5/1 * Information flows from
abstract terms in topic sentences to more concrete
terms in supporting sentences. Yes 1/1 *
Conjunctions and transition signals are used to guide
the reader and indicate the logical connection of
ideas. Yes 1/1 * Participants are tracked through the
text using cohesive resources (e.g., through use of
3rd person pronouns, repetition and substitution of
4.5
nouns). Yes 1/1
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
* Vocabulary is formal and specific to the topic * Specialist terms are
used accurately and effectively * Evaluation is signalled objectively
through terms expressing degrees of probability, frequency, or value to
grade strength of commitment to a proposition * Sentence
structure/grammar is accurate * Verb tense is used accurately and
logically * Spelling and punctuation are correct
* Vocabulary is formal and specific to the topic. Yes
1/1 * Specialist terms are used accurately and
effectively. Yes 1/1 * Evaluation is signalled
objectively through terms expressing degrees of
probability, frequency, or value to grade strength of
commitment to a proposition. Yes 1/1 * Sentence
structure/grammar is accurate. Yes 1/1 * Verb tense
is used accurately and logically. Yes 1/1 * Spelling
and punctuation are correct. Yes 1/1
6
PRESENTATION
* First page is a title page with name, student number, essay
title/question, unit code and word count * Essay is presented in six
clear paragraphs * Essay is 1,000 words (+/-10%) * References
correctly follow APA style; reference list with title centred and hanging
indent * 12pt font (e.g. Calibri or Times New Roman), margins 2.5-3cm,
double line spacing, extra line between paragraphs or indent first line of
paragraph
* First page is a title page with name, student
number, essay title/question, unit code and word
count. Some missing information 0.5/1 * Essay is
3.5
presented in six clear paragraphs. Somewhat;
spaces needed 0.5/1 * Essay is 1,000 words (+/10%). Yes 1/1 * References correctly follow APA
style; reference list with title centred and hanging
indent. Mostly. 1/1 * 12pt font (e.g. Calibri or Times
New Roman), margins 2.5-3cm, double line spacing,
extra line between paragraphs or indent first line of
paragraph. Some errors 0.5/1