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INTRO Prayer is a powerful part of a Christian’s toolbox. Scripture promises us that if we seek the Lord we will find Him. This little prayer book is just one way to be intentional in our prayers for our spouse. When we pray God’s promises (His Word) over our spouse, we can expect for Him to show up. It might not be in the way that we planned, expected or hoped for, but He will be present with us in our marriage. Family Matters is very grateful to all of our guest authors who have generously contributed to this prayer book. For more information about Family Matters and its resources for families visit www.familymatters.net day 1 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” I Corinthians 13:13 I’ve often wondered why the Holy Spirit directed Paul to highlight love over these two other stellar character traits. I have a feeling it has something to do with the high cost of the love that Christ showed when he redeemed us. At times, marital love comes at a high cost as well. The love that drew us together can be the same love that tests all of our limits and sometimes breaks our heart. When we choose to have a grace filled marriage, it helps to have a clear definition of the type of love that covers every scenario and enables us to go the distance in spite of all that marriage can throw at us. Here you go! You can take this definition to the bank because it’s the kind of love that God has for his bride, the church. “Love is the commitment of my will to your needs and best interests regardless of the cost.” - Dr. Tim Kimmel What’s in our spouses’ best interest may be a grace filled reminder or reprimand. What they need may be forgiveness or a kick in the pants. Love compels us to love them the way God loves us and that’s with grace. Father, Thank you that your love is limitless and powerful. When my heart is hurting or disappointed, fill me with your love and grace. Help me to love my spouse the way you love me. Amen Devotional by: Darcy Kimmel love day 2 “We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.” Hebrews 6:12 As years pass by, it seems to become easier and easier for married couples to fall into a “relationship rut.” We may get used to certain habits and routines and before we know it, we’ve developed a semi-fixed mindset about who our spouse is and what they are capable of. What’s worse, we may even use this mindset to judge our spouse or fail to notice and appreciate their better qualities. Don’t settle for a “lazy heart” towards your spouse. Ask God today for the kind of patience in loving your spouse that He continually shows for you, even in your weakest moments. Dear Lord, Please help me to see my spouse through your eyes. Please give me a heart of patience toward them, and don’t let me become lazy and complacent in my relationship with this precious soul you have placed in my life. Through your strength, help me to show patience for even the sharp edges of their personality. Amen Devotional by: Michelle Hutchison patience day 3 “So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Revelation 3:16 Passion shouts in the darkness for light. She grieves so others may live. She travels long distances at great cost to rescue one. Passion consumes our souls when we develop a strong and barely controllable awareness of Christ’s sacrifice for our gain. We can pray with passion for passion for our spouse. Living God, my soul thirsts for you in a dry and weary land, out of You springs forth fountains of living water. Quench my thirst with your refreshment. Hear me on behalf of my (husband/wife) my precious gift from You whom I honor and respect. Come to (him/her) with Your Word and Spirit so that (he/she) might enjoy Your presence and receive counsel. Cause (him/her) to be a (man/woman) who is humble and who mourns (his/her) sin. I ask Father that you abolish from (him/her) self-conceit and delusion. Open (his/her) heart to receive Your righteousness. Restore (his/ her) sight to marvel at Your majesty. Show (him/her) what true riches are and how (he/she) might gain them. Clothe (him/her) in garments of holiness. Set (him/her) apart for Your good service. Turn (him/her) away from anything that is not of You or for Your glory. Give (him/her) a fresh supply of Your grace. Comfort (him/her) with Your faithfulness; still (him/her) with your love. You alone God have the power to ignite a passion for You. Amen Devotional by: Edy Sutherland passion day 4 “The Lord rewards everyone for their righteousness and faithfulness. The Lord delivered you into my hands today, but I would not lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed.” 1 Samuel 26:23 These words of the future King David can teach us a lot about faithfulness in our marriage. When we say our marriage vows, we are promising to be faithful to our spouse through many difficult circumstances, regardless of whether or not it feels good. David had chosen not to kill his adversary, King Saul, even though he had the perfect opportunity. He knew that the Lord had promised to bring him to power at the right time, and he chose to remain faithful to the Lord, even when waiting was more than challenging. He saw that until God said otherwise, King Saul was the Lord’s anointed. Faithfulness in marriage implies that we will often have to choose to love and show grace to our husband or wife, even when we don’t want to … ESPECIALLY when we don’t want to. And unlike David and Saul, you and your spouse aren’t adversaries! Let’s cling to the promise that the Lord’s blessing and reward will come when we are faithful to Him and the spouse that He has anointed for us. Dear Lord, Thank you for the spouse that you have chosen and anointed in my life. Thank you for the trials as well as the joys. I pray that today you will richly bless my spouse for the ways that they have waited for you. Help me to always look to your promises and to trust that your word is perfect and true. Amen Devotional by: Karis Murray faithfulness day 5 “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain” Hebrews 6:19 Sometimes we enter into matrimony with all the right ingredients for success. Godly parents with an authentic faith who provided us with a secure love, a significant purpose, and a strong hope so sufficiently that we readily recognized all those provisions in Christ when we encountered it – and a spouse who experienced the same. Sometimes, our origins were less than ideal, challenging, possibly even tragic, with relationship models that almost ensure failure. With wounded hearts not nearly healed, we move into marriage with high expectations of the salve we have been aching for, only to have our partner’s own scars quickly dash that hope. It is in scenarios such as despair over a hollow and struggling marriage, where He loves to rescue us from what the world would call a lost cause; to remind us that He is the maker of all things new; to redeem us for His purpose of binding our hearts to His so that we might express His love to others. Today, Lord, I give thanks that You are my anchor in all storms, and I pray that my spouse’s heart deeply knows this as well. Please banish any misplaced hope we may have in anything or anyone but You and the security that is Your unfailing love. Devotional by: Sonia Cleverly secure day 6 “For we are God’s workmanship, Created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) The theme of today’s prayer for your spouse is PURPOSE. In this passage of Scripture, Paul is writing to the Church in Ephesus (most likely from his prison cell in Rome) hoping to encourage the believers in that city to see God’s design in their lives as well as their mission as a church. That body of believers was once trapped in ways of the world – most of them were gentiles and foreigners to the covenants of Israel. Paul wanted these new followers to see their new identity in Christ as a radical part of God’s plan to share the Gospel with the whole world! In short – Paul wanted these men & women to see that their life was – and had always been – aimed with a PURPOSE. Our marriages sometimes get like the church in Ephesus. We get wrapped up in the world – we get busy, we pile expectations on each other and ourselves… we struggle with sin. But Paul’s encouragement to the Ephesians applies today in our homes as well. As husbands & wives, we were all once dead in our transgressions and sins, but by grace we who believed have been saved through faith – not from ourselves, but as a gift from God! All of our good works didn’t earn our salvation in Christ, and none of us should boast about being good enough to sit with the King in the heavenly realms. Today, as you pray for your spouse, remember that at a time you were separate from Christ. Are you at peace with your Savior? Jesus is our peace, and his PURPOSE in saving you was to create in himself a new man/woman out of you to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do. Pray today that both you and your spouse would seek first the Kingdom of God as you commit each day to forgive each other (as Christ has forgiven you), and seek his PURPOSE in your lives. Paul had a prayer for the Ephesians as well – it went like this: “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long, and high and deep is the love of Christ… and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us – to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Eph 3:14-21) Devotional by: Michael Regan purpose day 7 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 Hope disperses despair. She brings forth new beginnings, refreshed revelations, and improved aspirations. Apart from hope we wander disengaged from a sense of belonging. We’re alienated from our true value. Morality becomes irrelevant. We conjure random possibilities for our eventual destiny. We can ask God to immerse our spouse with hope in Christ. Calvary is the place where evil and suffering are met with the hope of love and forgiveness. Lord of Heaven, remember my (husband/wife). I ask of you by the name of Jesus to open the gates of salvation fixing (his/her) eternal hope in you alone. Let the peace of Christ rule in (his/her) heart. Guard (his/her) mind and soul against the trappings in this world. Strengthen (him/her) according to Your Word. Fasten (his/her) joy to the promise of Your inheritance not earthly gain. Cause (him/her) to put (his/her) trust in the light of Christ so that (he/she) will be called (son/daughter) of light. Create in (him/her) a broken and contrite heart so (he/she) will not grieve the Spirit but the Spirit reign in (him/her). Grow (him/her) in faith and knowledge attaining a fullness of the Son of God. Your way, O God, is holy; I put my trust in You. Amen. Devotional by: Edy Sutherland hope day 8 “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21-22 Fortunately, Jesus isn’t giving a multiplication lesson. Rather, He’s giving us the secret to a Christ-centered marriage! Can you think of any reason as to why you should not forgive your spouse? Maybe it’s a harsh word or a demeaning tone of voice that keeps reeling in your head. Is it the irresponsible spending in your finances? Perhaps it’s the parenting disagreements that continue to escalate with teenagers. Or maybe it’s the unthinkable…. adultery (which includes emotional affairs and/or pornography – Matthew 5:27). Forgiveness is at the heart of the Christ centered life because Christ first forgave you. Forgiveness is about faith for both the offender and the offended. If I’m unwilling to forgive, I simply do not understand the Gospel of Jesus Christ (read the rest of the passage in Matthew 23-35). It’s only through the tears of forgiveness and the pain of reconciliation that I reflect the amazing grace of Christ Himself. It’s in the journey of laying down my rights and giving up the illusion of control in my marriage that I truly experience Christ’s Love through forgiveness. Father, thank you for first forgiving me through your son Jesus. Please allow me to see “the plank in my own eye” when I’m unwilling to forgive the person I promised to love in good times and bad. Please give me eyes to see my spouse’s repentant heart and ears to hear the sound of reconciliation in our marriage. In Jesus’ name, Amen. Devotional by: Dustin Daniels forgiveness day 9 “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” Proverbs 11:3 Integrity….sound values….seems to be a dying character trait that we can easily view the decline as we look around us in families, the neighborhood, the community, the media, politics, and even religious circles. How easy it must be to slip into “crookedness” when the enticement seems so fulfilling: more money, power, sex, things – yet no sin will lead one to being truly fulfilled – it eventually leads to one’s destruction. Let’s pray for our spouse to be a person of integrity – praying and listening to the Lord as the moral compass and guide for all their decisions – in the home, on the job and in the church and community. As we pray, let’s take notice of the “right” decisions they make and praise them for choosing the right way. Let’s also thank the Lord for the “upright” character and honesty they possess in a world that is constantly tugging for their attention. Praying that our spouse would reflect Christ to our children and those around us would allow for others to see what integrity really looks like – in a real person, not just by definition. Devotional by: Cindi Ferrini honesty day 10 “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 Marriage is the beautiful union of two wonderfully made, yet imperfect people. Grace is the glue that holds it all together. Spouses see each other at their best and at their worst. Sometimes, it’s easy to view your spouse in light of his or her weaknesses and forget that the power of Christ rests upon him or her. Grace is allowing your spouse to move beyond their mistakes. In a marital relationship, grace allows them to grow and become who God intends them to be without the chains of guilt and regret. In terms of their walk with the Lord, grace is the gift that takes the place of the shame that the past may hold for them. Today, ask God to change the way you view your spouse. Pray that you would see them, not in light of who they have been, but in light of who they could become. Then, pray that he or she would, not just feel the power of Christ, but that it would be stronger than the memory of their weaknesses or past mistakes. Ask God to make your spouse overwhelmingly aware of his grace and Christ’s power as they go about their day. Devotional by: Stacy Edwards grace day 11 “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 (NIV) It’s quite possible that the person you married on your wedding day is not the same person you find yourself married to now. Though you may find yourself as part of a couple, both spouses are still engaged in their own personal life journey. That means that over time, our interests, thoughts, and feelings may change. Consequently, this can cause a marriage partnership to grow stronger…or cause it to unravel. Ask God today to help you focus on growing closer to your spouse by appreciating those character traits that may be different from your own. Ask for His guidance in determining what you can learn from the differences between you and your spouse, and seek God’s wisdom in discerning how He might be using those differences to shape your own character. Devotional by: Michelle Hutchison character Ephesians 4:29 day 12 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 Communication. Most people think that it is all about talking. God shows that the listening part is what is important. One night, I was at a party and I was talking with another guest. The other person talked almost the whole time we were together. When she left, she told the hostess that I was so approachable and kind. She said I was a great communicator! When your spouse has something to share, be slow to correct or interrupt with what you think is the better way. God created us to be unique so that we can complement each other with our different ideas, not beg, whine, or shout in order to get our point across. Pray that you may continue to make listening more important than talking in your relationship. Pray that you will be available for when your spouse does want to share. That might mean staying up late or making a special date on the weekend for each other. Pray that God will make you and your spouse great communicators by being great listeners. Devotional by: Angie Ryg communication day 13 “Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” Mark 9:35 As married couples we serve each other in many ways all the time. But sometimes we are called to step out of our comfort zone and usual ways of serving to a plan we didn’t expect. About 12 years ago I had a re-injury to my back that landed me in bed the better part of 7 weeks. Without complaint my husband took care of our grown son with special needs, was working full time, helped with our daughters and their needs, cooked, cleaned, and did the laundry. The most impressive thing? It was without complaint. We need to appreciate all the small acts of service along with the bigger ones that happen from time to time…. Let’s pray for our spouse as we thank the Lord for all the ways they serve us. Consider the many small ways your spouse serves you. List them in your mind and give thanks for each one. And if the thoughts keep coming… keep praying and giving thanks. If there is little you can think of for which to give thanks, spend the next few days “looking” for ways you’ve overlooked your spouse serving you. Then thank them verbally and the Lord in prayer. Devotional by: Cindi Ferrini serve day 14 “His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, this is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem.” Song of Solomon 5:16 NIV His design for marriage does not lack. It is perfection. Protection, provision, nurturing, compassion, friendship – the very elements of love – bound in the covenant of physical connection not meant to be found in any other relationship on earth. How often do we distort this design? It is easy to find these individual pieces elsewhere, but our hearts will still yearn for them to be whole in our mate. None are expendable, but we often behave as if friendship is the one that we can forgo as long as all others are present. Our friendships become a function of our individual selves – experienced outside marriage. But isn’t it then that we realize that nothing makes a marriage lonelier than when friendship is absent? Friendship is where real intimacy is experienced – shared history, shared hurts, shared hopes. When friendship completes the puzzle, the gift of our marriage feels exponentially abundant! Lord, today let me look at my partner with eyes that desire and hands and feet that actively cultivate a deep and connected friendship. Let me hold it above all others and always know my mate as Your beloved creation and my beloved friend. Devotional by: Sonia Cleverly friendship day 15 “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.” 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 {NIV} In moments of strife in a marriage, it’s easy to get bogged down in the here and now. We may become frustrated by our circumstances and get caught in a trap of negative thinking that can really destroy the bond between a man and a wife. Regardless of what we’re dealing with today, God has already secured the ultimate victory for us! Ask God to reinvigorate you today with a joyful reminder of His grace. Ask Him to help you turn that joy into life-giving words and actions towards your spouse that will encourage both of you in times of trouble. Devotional by: Michelle Hutchison encouragement day 16 “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Prov. 17:22 (ESV) This.Is.My.Biggest.Struggle. I’m a planner. I like things to go as planned. That about says it all. On the other hand, my husband’s job (a dentist) is a lot of pressure and requires him to be very precise, yet his feathers are seldom ruffled. He is the calm in any storm! I am certain God gave us to each other to balance each other out! Those of us who are “oaks” are sure to be made into willows as the Lord molds us to be more like Him, and I do think He has done that in me and in our marriage. Let’s pray for our spouse (and ourselves) to seek the Lord for His direction even if we are in the midst of making a plan. It’s important to thank the Lord for differences in our personalities and to recognize the many reasons we are good for each other and how God allows each of us to balance the other. Praying for the Lord to use us for His glory even in the character traits that we’ll probably work on for the rest of our lives is actually refreshing… because He’s given us each other to work together…for a lifetime. Thank you, Lord! We don’t have to “do it alone”! THAT is good medicine for joy! Devotional by: Cindi Ferrini attitude day 17 “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6 Faith is a big part of marriage. Not necessarily faith in oneself or faith in our mate, but faith in the One who brought us together in this covenant in the first place. I know there have been times in my marriage when the only reason it made sense to obey God and forgive my spouse or serve my mate was because God’s Word told me to and I have faith in the author of that Word. A grace filled marriage is not dependent upon our limited ability to love our spouse. It’s dependent upon Him whose love is limitless. Faith gets us there because faith is not wishful thinking. It’s belief in a God who can do all things. (even change the heart of our spouse) There are many things in a marriage that can fill our hearts with regret or even fear. But when it comes to exercising faith in our marriage, if fear comes knocking at our door, let faith answer and there’ll be no one there. Father, More than anything, I want to please you. Help me to have faith that you love me and my spouse so much more than we can ever love each other and that you have our best interests at heart. When I get weary, disappointed, and even want to give up, draw me to your heart and let me bask in your love. Devotional by: Darcy Kimmel faith day 18 “The desire of the righteous ends only in good, but the hope of the wicked only in wrath.” Proverbs 11:23 There are two dangers when it comes to expectations. The first is that, in marriages, we often have unrealistic ones. Maybe your mother was a fabulous cook and you just expected your wife to be the same. Or, possibly, your dad was DIYing it before DIY was cool and you expected your husband to be equally handy with a hammer. When we carry these expectations into the relationship, we set our spouses up for failure. Or, worse, we instill in them an insecurity in their abilities to be good wives and husbands. Secondly, expectations can crowd out grace. When we begin expecting our spouse to fail in a certain area, we do not leave room for them to grow. If there is an area in which they struggle, we should be covering that area of their lives in prayer knowing God can help them to overcome it. Just assuming they can never change or expecting them to always struggle is to limit the power of the One who created them. Today, pray that your marriage would be about a mutual desire to find delight in each other instead of an expectation of what you may receive from each other. Ask God to open your eyes to the good in your spouse and to let go of wrongly placed expectations. Devotional by: Stacy Edwards expectations day 19 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials or many kinds.” James 1:2 “Are you going to get a divorce?” I hear my son ask after he just witnessed a growth opportunity (read: argument) between my husband and me. I tell him no and I reassure him that although there might be times that we don’t get along, I will always love Daddy. Then I go on to tell him that when we go through a hard time, God is teaching us something. It might be how to communicate better or how to show love in a different way. He walks away feeling content and secure. He has found joy in this security. And I pray that I will always remember that truth as well. That God wants to refine our marriage so that it is a Holy relationship that will show the love of Jesus here on earth. Each trial will bring us closer to the feet of Jesus and a closer walk with Him. This will bring us our ultimate joy. Pray that your spouse will remember the eternal reason for trials and that he or she will grow through the hard times. Pray that you might be a source of support and a refreshing draw back to the Word of God where only true joy can come. Devotional by: Angie Ryg joy day 20 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3 Isaiah writes of a day where Judah will be in perfect peace, kept in that sphere of peace by God. Yet he also places a condition of sorts on that peace, stating that a trust in God is essential to God’s keeping us in peace. For many marriages, peace is a fleeting aspect of the relationship. Struggles with finances, parenting, in-laws, and a whole host of other situations often encroach upon our supposed boundaries of peace. For a married couple, trust in all situations is the key to living in peace. If each partner can fully trust the other with money, with parenting decisions, etc…then peace follows naturally. Each partner knows the other is never going to make a decision without it being carefully thought through. The trust that exists in these situations fosters incredible peace for the marriage. Pray for your spouse today in this manner – Lord, may I be found to be an extension of your peace. May my spouse trust me so fully that they know I always have the best interest of them and our family at heart. Allow your Holy Spirit to foster trust and peace between us, and to awaken needs in our lives where we need to grow in those areas. May we be at peace with each other, as we are at peace with You in Christ. Devotional by: Steve Rose peace day 21 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Just the other day, I suffered from yet another migraine headache. Unable to get up and make meals for my family or do the necessary chores that needed to get done – my husband took over my role and everyone survived just fine. I fell down and he was right there to step up and fill the need. Although I pride myself on being an independent sort of woman, it is so comforting to know I have a partner for raising this family, facing life and being able to share moments in joy and sorrow. And even then, we two are not alone in our marriage; there has been a third partner all along. “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” As Dr. Tim Kimmel explained in “Grace Filled Marriage,” a marriage is like braided hair. Visually it appears to only be two pieces, but there are actually three parts weaved together. Today, no matter what you face, remember that you have someone here backing you up and ready to pick you up if you fall or keep you warm on a cold night. Remember that Jesus is always with you, always loving you, always watching out for you, always forgiving you. You are never alone. Pray that your spouse feels secure in your cooperation within your marriage and feels God’s grace weaved into it. Devotional by: Jenny Gillespie cooperation day 22 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 Have you ever noticed that even the world puts a price on purity? Virgin olive oil, organic fruits & vegetables, pure silver & gold are just a few examples. If we want something to be pure, there is a premium price to be paid. Our Heavenly Father also intentionally places a premium on purity all as well. Purity in its simplest form is defined as nothing that is mixed in. As we read the Old Testament we see how the Jewish leaders placed an emphasis on not defiling themselves. In the New Testament Jesus revolutionizes their traditions by telling them they are nothing but white washed tombs (Matt 23:27)…. with only the appearance of purity because their hearts were full of evil. So how does your loving Father want you to be pure in today’s culture? What is being mixed in to your life that must die? What attitudes right now are defiling your walk with the Lord? What secret activities are contaminating your marriage? What small but disturbing behaviors are currently corrupting your career? It’s a profound realization when we see that God views impurity as adultery (Hosea 1:2, 4:12, 6:10, 7:4 7:13-14, 9:1, Mark 8:38, James 4:4). Yes, mixing impure thoughts and behaviors into your Christ-centered life is that serious. Marriage reflects the covenant Christ has made with His bride and is an exact replication of how your own marriage reflects the purity of His covenant. Purity will always lead to the holiness of Almighty God, but before we can take a step forward on our journey we must repent of our own impurity. God can only create a clean heart when we are first repentant of our sin. Father, please forgive me for putting _______________ in front of you. I have committed spiritual adultery. I have not been pure. I have not remained faithful. But by your grace and mercy you paid the ultimate price for my unfaithfulness. I desperately want You to renew a right and steadfast spirit within me Lord. Your promises always remain faithful, and now I commit my faithfulness back to You and my spouse. Devotional by: Dustin Daniels purity day 23 “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12 In our youth we harbor a false sense of vitality. In our comfort we rest in a fabricated assurance of safety. In our earthly pleasures we satisfy the temporal and sacrifice the eternal. Only God brings assurance of triumph over the uncertainties this world dispenses. Our covenantal bond to the ONE who saves guarantees our vitality, our safety and pleasure through Jesus, motivated by the Spirit for eternal communion with the Father. Our prayers weave the union. Oh triune God, I invite you be the lover of my soul, the rock of my salvation, and the source of my hope. I ask for you to be the essence of my (husband’s/wife’s) being and the source of (his/her) righteousness. Captivate (his/her) mind to gaze upon your beauty. Fasten your wisdom to (his/her) consciousness. Show (him/her) how to follow your teachings and hold firm to your law. Weave us together in divine oneness. Fortify our marital promise with You to endure with joy trouble, hardship, persecution, hunger, or danger. We ask that our bond be resilient and sturdy. By the work of Your hands I sing cheerfully with praise and thanksgiving. I pray these things by the name of Jesus to the Father in the inspiration of the Spirit. Amen. Devotional by: Edy Sutherland unity day 24 “He must become great; I must become less.” John 3:30 God assigned husbands and wives specific roles. These roles enjoy varying degrees of prominence, notoriety, and fulfillment. It’s critical we don’t confuse these things with importance. After all, God uses man and woman together – to display His image. God did not create marriage to elevate man and subjugate woman (or vice versa). Rather, God knew that only through marriage – equal part man and woman – could he reveal the fullness of His image. John the Baptist illustrated what it means to faithfully and humbly play an assigned role. John’s disciples fretted that those he baptized in turn baptized others. They feared John knowingly relinquished the limelight. But John knew his role was to point others to Christ – and he did that faithfully. John knew who was to come, and he found great joy in helping others know Him. John put Christ first! Lord, help me see clearly the role You’ve prepared for me in marriage. Help me point others to You when playing my role results in praise or accolades. Lord, protect me from discouragement when my role feels thankless or menial. Lord, You gave the world marriage to display You – not me. Help me radiate your image and delight in putting You first. Devotional by: Michael Tooker humility day 25 “Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.” 1 Peter 2:17 Peter challenges his readers to bestow honor freely. This challenge is written in a larger context in 1 Peter 2 of dealing with authority. The early church was commanded to show their devotion to God by respecting and honoring even the emperor who was against them. How a Christian responds to authority tells a lot about their relationship with God. Back in 1st Corinthians 7:1-5, Paul writes in terms of marriage, and spells out that husband and wife do not have authority over their own body, but their spouse does. This is language essentially stating that we cannot be selfish with even our own bodies, but realize that giving authority over them to our spouse is an ultimate action of honor. For the married person, however, it cannot stop there. We cannot be selfish with anything of our own, realizing the fullness of the “one flesh” teaching of the Bible. We respect each other to the fullest, and honor each other when we are free with our emotions, our love, our thoughts…with all of ourselves. We can give our spouse the greatest respect by acknowledging there are no boundaries between us and our spouse. Truly, what is ours is theirs, and theirs ours. Devotional by: Steve Rose respect day 26 “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peaceloving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17 NIV Did you enter into marriage thinking that a white dress, beautiful flowers, and a church full of well-wishers was a magic potion for happily ever after? I’m sorry if you did. I hope your disappointment hasn’t overwhelmed you. I hope you find comfort in knowing you are in good company – among others who weren’t aware that the cries of “I don’t know what to do” would actually outnumber the confident assurances of “Everything is under control.” Does anything besides marriage bombard us so consistently with challenges whose stakes are so high? For better or for worse seemed like such a sweet phrase when we uttered it, didn’t it? Marriage was custom made to push us to our knees in dependence on a God who does have all the answers and so desires to surround us with the peace of His sovereignty and loving-kindness. Prayer, time in His Word, the counsel of godly friends who speak His Truth – these are the endeavors of a marriage that actively seeks His wisdom and can weather well seasons of confusion and anxious unknowns. Today we thank you, Lord, for your omnipotent wisdom so graciously shared in response to our heartfelt petitions. Please let my marriage be one which never fails to seek Your wisdom, first and foremost, on which we promise to rest and rely. Devotional by: Sonia Cleverly wisdom day 27 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 Driving home last night, my teenagers brought up the topic of marriage and asked how you know which person is the right one? My wife laughed and said that when we were first married, her girlfriends asked for her “list” of how she knew I was the right one. They thought love was a pragmatic, logical decision similar to shopping for a new car. I explained to my teens that Love takes courage and trust in God. We all come to marriage with previous baggage from our upbringing and life experiences –not to mention God is still shaping our lives daily. It takes courage to be authentic and show others our true inner being, our dreams and our flaws. We may be rejected and we often fear that the other person will not love us when they see who we truly are. However, the truth is, we are all fallen and flawed. When you choose to love another person, you put yourself in a vulnerable place emotionally. There will be trials in every relationship. But if, out of fear, we do not risk authentic, vulnerable relationships, it’s an even bigger tragedy! We are commanded to love God with all our heart, soul and mind. He wants us to be strong and courageous in our marriage to fully give our hearts to each other. But, the best part is that He promises to be with us as we risk hurt and pain to have authentic marriage relationships. It takes courage to be vulnerable and love another person unconditionally. The world will tell us that love is all about ourselves, our needs, our emotions, our feelings. But God calls us to a sacrificial love, a forgiving love and a serving love. God gave us the ultimate example in his son Christ and His sacrifice for us. We did not deserve it and we did not earn it but, because of love, He died for us. Lord, I love you and trust you unconditionally. Come into my marriage and become the center of our lives. Give me the courage to love my spouse unconditionally, just as you love me, and strengthen my spirit to reflect your love in my marriage every day. Help me to take my eyes off my needs and focus more on my spouse’s needs. Help me to be more forgiving, sacrificial and serving. I know, Lord, that you will be with me every step of the way and thank you for your example and sacrifice through your Son. Devotional by: Lance Jacobs courage day 28 “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Let’s be honest here; life isn’t always easy. It’s not always easy to stay joyful, it’s not always easy to trust the Lord, and it’s definitely not always easy to be thankful in every aspect of your life. However, where in the Bible does it say that our lives as Christians are SUPPOSED to be easy? Just because God gave us His only Son does not mean that He promised us an easy life – He promised us an everlasting life. And THAT is something to be grateful for. Today I encourage you to write at least five things down that you are grateful for. Big or small. Share these with your spouse, and who knows – maybe that spouse is on that list somewhere. Devotional by: Jenny Gillespie gratitude day 29 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4 A close friend recently quit her Facebook page because she kept checking up on her old boyfriend. She knew that was only creating a slice of friction between her husband and herself. I applaud her choice to stay pure. Not only in a physical way, but an emotional way as well. The marriage bed should be kept pure – by creating an arena that is filled with conversations of hope for the future, goals for tomorrow, and adoration for each other. God then grows physical intimacy within these deep relationships between a husband and a wife. Pray for your spouse to run from temptation. Pray that boundaries will be well marked and that sharing can come from the marriage relationship in order to grow closer every day. Pray that God will give a desire for true intimacy to both you and your spouse so that you may glorify Him in your relationship. Devotional by: Angie Ryg intimacy day 30 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16 (ESV) It’s tempting to follow culture and erect a facade of perfection – pretending ourselves, our families and our marriages are perfect. But we’re not perfect. No, our bodies and minds are fallen, broken and frail. We’re all vulnerable! Fortunately God knew this when He sent His son to be with us. In Christ we have a friend who was human and tempted like us. Jesus is intimately familiar with us. He has compassion for us – even commiserates with us – and all our infirmities. In marriage we have someone to guard our weaknesses. God gave us someone with strengths to compliment our shortcomings. Unfortunately many couples envy each other’s strengths and exploit their partner’s weaknesses. Christ doesn’t do this to us – and neither should we to our spouse. Heavenly Father, thank you for sending your son Jesus not only to save me, but also to relate to me and understand my struggles and frailties. Help me do the same with my spouse. Give me wisdom to know when to lean on – even celebrate – my spouse’s strengths. Equally, give me the gentleness and courage to use my strengths to protect my spouse where they are weak. Thank you Lord – for the gracious and merciful gift of my spouse! Devotional by: Michael Tooker vulnerability day 31 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 A couple of years ago, I decided to run a marathon. My husband was training and it looked like fun. (Yeah, I know.) I bought the cute running shoes and matching shorts. I downloaded some great tunes to the iPod. I imagined how great I was going to look and feel as I was running. I began training in the fall and I would smile as I ran amid the colorful leaves and warm breeze. Then, the weather began to change. It became cold and rainy. I pulled a muscle in my back and every step shot pain through my body. I would love to say that I pushed through and, eventually, crossed the finish line amid a crowd of cheering fans. But, alas, that never happened. Marriage is much the same. We begin with these visions of how things will look. We plan the wedding. We buy the fancy clothes. We ride off into the sunset. Then, the sun rises again and there are personality conflicts and mortgages and does the toilet paper go over or under. Sometimes, there are stretches when the course seems all uphill and many people throw in the towel. If we endure, however, there are blessings beyond all comparison. Today, pray that your marriage would be one of endurance. Ask God to reveal to you the beauty of a relationship that has weathered the storms of life. Make it your goal to run in step with your spouse and cross the finish line together. Devotional by: Stacy Edwards endurance RESOURCES Dr. Tim Kimmel and Darcy Kimmel answer frequently asked questions on our website: Couples Q & A Family Matters also provides contact information to suggested Counseling Resources Want to stay connected with bi-weekly emails? Sign up for our Family Matters Newsletter Purchase your own copy of Grace Filled Marriage written by Dr. Tim Kimmel and Darcy Kimmel and featured in 31 Days of Prayer for your Spouse. You can also look at other Books for Couples that are sold on our online store. Facebook Pinterest Twitter - @Family_Matters Instagram - @gracebasedparenting GUEST WRITERS DARCY KIMMEL Darcy Kimmel has a heart for encouraging and equipping parents and grandparents to maximize their unique callings in life with the Grace Based Parenting model for relationships. Her greatest joy comes from her own family and relationships. Darcy speaks at marriage and parenting events with her husband Tim. As a writer, Darcy is co-author of several books on parenting, grandparenting and family relationships. MICHELLE HUTCHISON Michelle Hutchison is a wife and mother who has newly embarked upon a journey in stay-at-home-momdom. She is enjoying the new frontiers of motherhood, especially trying to get a two-year-old and four-year-old to embrace a vegetarian lifestyle. Michelle is an Ambassador for Family Matters and finds great joy in speaking to others about building a grace-filled home. Michelle also writes a blog chronicling her personal repurposing at http://the-salvaged.blogspot.com EDY SUTHERLAND Edy Sutherland uses outdoor adventure to help others see Biblical principles through another vantage point. She is the author of The WHEE Factor: The RUSH You Get When You Experience God in Everyday Life. Learn more about her ministry at www. edysutherland.com KARIS MURRAY Karis writes scripts for the Family Matters Minute radio show and edits and manages content for the Family Matters Blog. Sometimes her creativity means that she comes up with lots of ideas (read more work) for everyone around the office. Karis is a happy wife and mother of two daughters, she loves cooking, gardening, sewing, getting pedicures with her friends and NCIS. SONIA CLEVERLY Sonia Cleverly, M.Ed., is a wife, mother, lover of language, and passionate advocate for families. She equally adores Shakespeare and Seinfeld, and she tiptoed back into the work world a few years ago after spending more than a decade blissfully immersed in the greatest job known to womankind – the stay at home mom. She currently works in Family Ministry at Scottsdale Bible Church where she supports parents in “getting” grace. She and her husband, Scott, have been married for almost 22 years, and he is ever so happy she has a new audience for the 20,000+ words she feels the need to use each day. MICHAEL REGAN Michael is our communications director and helps lead our team with our delivery of content for Family Matters. Michael and Lori were married in 1992 and they are raising two daughters and a son. Their family enjoys family time at the beach, the farm, and in the mountains as well as serving in the local church and community. DUSTIN DANIELS Pastor Dustin Daniels is the Founder of Seven Places Ministries, Inc. and a Radio Show Host. By God’s grace, he is a redeemed sex-addict that proclaims the beauty of God’s purity and ministers to men & families dealing with sexual sin issues. CINDI FERRINI Cindi is a homemaker, speaker, and author (Balancing the Active Life, Get it Together, Tis the Season). She and her husband, Joe, authored UNEXPECTED JOURNEY: When Special Needs Change Our Course. The Ferrini’s live in Cleveland, Ohio and have 2 children at home and one married. ANGIE RYG Angie has been described as the “fun sister next door.” And like a real sister, she will make you laugh as well as encourage you to drink deeper from the well of God’s grace. She is the author of “Clutter Free Simplicity”. Her book, which can be found on Amazon, encourages women to clear the clutter in their hearts and homes by focusing on what is really important – their daily walk with Jesus. Although she loves connecting with women and writing on her blog at Finding Joy In Everyday MOMents, one of Angie’s most important ministries is being a wife to her childhood sweetheart and mama to one princess and three princes. They enjoy family movie nights, long car trips, and acting out the TV show Chopped. Their house may be chaotic at times, but it is full of love. You can connect with Angie on Facebook or Twitter. STACY EDWARDS Stacy Edwards is a trucker’s daughter and a pastor’s wife. She is a freelance writer and a mom to four fabulous little girls. Stacy blogs at Servant’s Life where she uses her words to point others to the hope and encouragement found in Christ. STEVE ROSE Steve recently authored his first book “Shouting at God”, about his father’s battle with cancer and their family’s struggle with his illness and death. You can find out more about Steve, his book, and read his personal blog at www.steverose.me . MICHAEL TOOKER Michael works closely with donors, friends, and partners of the Family Matters ministry. Michael has been married since 1996 and has two boys. He and his wife enjoy the beach, snow skiing, serving together, and facing the challenges of parenting with grace as their guide. JENNY GILLESPIE Jenny is a wife, mother, graphic designer and a beginning blogger. She can usually be found at a baseball game, a PTA meeting, in her back yard speaking sweetly to her baby garden or cuddled up (til the wee hours of the morning) reading her favorite books. Jenny is the Social Media Support at Family Matters where she hoots & tweets her heart out. LANCE JACOBS Lance is a husband, father to two teenagers, Founder and Vision Caster of Legacy Dad Ministries and Guest Speaker for Family Matters. Lance works in Family, Youth and Teen Ministry at his local church in addition to his “day job” with the Department of Defense. Lance provides a full time “taxi service” to his teenagers and their friends while supporting their school activities, sports, youth groups, extracurriculars and social lives. Lance occasionally gets away on work release to take his wife on a date or go on a mission trip.