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Chapter 10
Techniques of Arousal and
Communication
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Erogenous Zones
• Areas of the body that are particularly
sensitive to sexual stimulation
• Examples: genitals and breasts
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One-Person Sex
• Autoeroticism - sexual self-stimulation
• Examples of autoeroticism:
– Masturbation - self-stimulation
– Sexual fantansy - sexual thought or images that
alter the person’s emotions or physiological
state
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Vibrators, Dildos, and Such
• Dildo - rubber or plastic cylinder, often
shaped like a penis; it can be inserted into
the vagina or anus - used in masturbation
• Vibrators - some shaped like a penis and
others not, some are electric and some
battery-operated; used for masturbation
• Body oils - popular for sexual use
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Two-Person Sex
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Kissing
Touching
Hand stimulation of the male genitals
Hand stimulation of the female genitals
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The Other Senses
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Sights
Smells
Sounds
Fantasy during two-person sex
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Genital-Genital Stimulation:
Positions of Intercourse
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Man on top - missionary position
Woman on top
Rear entry
Side to side
Other variations
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Mouth-Genital Stimulation
• Cunnilingus - mouth stimulation of the female
genitals
• Fellatio - mouth stimulation of the male genitals
• Sixty-Nining - simultaneous mouth-genital
stimulation; also called soixante-neuf
• Anal intercourse - insertion of the penis into the
partner’s rectum
• Anilingus - mouth stimulation of the partner’s
anus
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Techniques of Lesbian and Gays
• Mutual masturbation
• Fellatio
• Anal sex
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Techniques of Lesbian and Gays
• Interfemoral intercourse - a man moves his
penis between the thighs of the other
• Tribadism - a woman lies on top of another
and moves rhythmically in order to produce
sexual pleasure
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Aphrodisiacs
• A substance that increases sexual desire
• There is no known substance that works
well as an aphrodisiac
• Examples used: oysters, bananas, powdered
rhinoceros horn, bull’s testicles, amyl
nitrite, butyl nitrite
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Anaphrodisiacs
• A substance that decreases sexual desire
• Examples used: potassium nitrate
(saltpeter), cyproterone acetate
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Should Intercourse and Orgasm
Be the Goal?
• Our culture has traditionally held the belief
that a sexual encounter should climax with
intercourse and orgasm
• Orgasm is good, but a large part of pleasure
is the buildup to orgasm
• Another goal of sex has been simultaneous
orgasm
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From Inexperience to Boredom
• Not everyone is as experienced as society
expects
• May cause performance anxiety
• What to do
– accept inexperience
– “how-to” manuals
– communicate
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Boredom
• Possible consequence of long-term sexual
relationships
• What to do
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communicate
sex manuals
rejuvenate other aspects of relationship
don’t expect too much from sex
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Communication and Sex
• Communication and relationships - positive
communication is important in developing and
maintaining intimate relationships
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Communication and Sex
• Self-disclosure - telling personal things about
yourself
– Closely related to satisfaction with the
relationship
– Helps a relationship progress
– Patterns of self-disclosure can predict whether a
couple stays together or not
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Being an Effective
Communicator
• Good messages
– Complain rather than criticize; use “I” language
– Don’t mind read - make assumptions about
what partner thinks or feels
– Documenting - giving specific examples of the
issue being discussed
– Offer limited choices - offering a set of
acceptable alternatives
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Leveling and Editing
• Leveling - telling your partner what you are
feeling by stating your thoughts clearly,
simply, and honestly
• Editing - censoring or not saying things that
would be deliberately hurtful to your partner
or that are irrelevant
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Listening
• Listening - actively trying to understand
what the other person is saying
– Nondefensive listener - focusing on what your
partner is saying and feeling, and not
immediately becoming defensive or
counterattacking with complaints of your own
• Paraphrasing - saying, in your own words,
what you thought your partner meant
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Validating
• Validating - telling your partner that, given
his or her point of view, you can see why he
or she thinks a certain way
• Drawing your partner out
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Body Talk: Nonverbal
Communication
• Communication not through words, but
through the body
• Examples: eye contact, tone of voice,
touching
• Accentuate the positive - happy couples
make more positive communications
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Fighting Fair
• A set of rules designed to make arguments
constructive rather than destructive
• Checking out sexy signals
– Ambiguous messages can lead to feelings of
hurt and rejection, or to anger
– Don’t make any assumptions about the meaning
of ambiguous messages
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