Download Writing Standards in Action-Grade 6 Opinion/Argument Commentary

GRADE
6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
“What does good student writing at
this grade level look like?”
The answer lies in the writing itself.
The Writing Standards in Action
Project uses high quality student
writing samples to illustrate
what performance to grade level
standards looks like—in action.
Grade 6
English Language Arts
Opinion / Argument
Persuasive Essay
Athens vs. Sparta (Pro Sparta)
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 1
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
GRADE
6
Background Information
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Writing Sample Title: Athens vs. Sparta (Pro Sparta)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
Text Type and Purpose: Opinion / Argument
The student writing sample that follows
includes standards-based commentary.
The commentary found in this column
describes how the writing meets the
standards in the Massachusetts Curriculum
Framework for English Language Arts
and Literacy (2011) and other content
frameworks when applicable.
Grade level/Content area: Grade 6 English Language Arts
Type of Assignment: Persuasive Essay
Standards Addressed:
(W.7.1), (W.6.1), (W.6.4), (W.6.8),
(L.6.1), (L.6.2), (L.6.3), (L.7.3), (L.6.6)
See descriptions of these standards
in the right column of the next page
Understanding the
Standards-Based Commentary
Important note about this sample:
This sample is the second of two posted opinion argument essays
(B614a—Pro Athens and B614b—Pro Sparta) written by different
writers in response to the same on-demand prompt. The samples
take opposite sides of the same issue and make use of somewhat
different elements of effective writing.
1.Grade-specific standards
addressed are:
• Listed in the column to the right of
student work by strand, grade, and
number (or number and letter, where
applicable)
• Marked by a colored block with a letter
code, also in the column to the right of
student work
EXAMPLE:
2. Colored arrow blocks beneath each standard in the right column:
• Are of the same color and letter code as
the block that marks the standard being
addressed
• Mark standards-based commentary
related to the standard being addressed
• Appear in alphabetical order
EXAMPLE:
3. Corresponding colored arrow blocks
within the text:
BACKGROUND CONTINUES
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 2
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
• Set off sections of student work to which
commentary applies
• Do not necessarily appear in alphabetical
order—but where evidence of a particular
standard exists
EXAMPLE: (begin)
section
(end)
Background Information
GRADE
6
Highlights:
This sample of student work meets grade level standards.
It demonstrates the following attributes of effective writing.
The sample:
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Writing Standards:
Grade 7, Standard 1 (W.7.1)
Write arguments to support claims with clear
reasons and relevant evidence.
EXAMPLE:
• Addresses appropriately the task, purpose and audience
• Makes a clear claim and acknowledges the opposing
point of view
• Organizes a mostly effective argument with a
compare/contrast structure
• Embeds a mostly effective analysis in the argument
• Supports and develops clear reasons with relevant evidence
• Integrates content appropriate to the indicated
assessment purposes
• Establishes and maintains an effective style and
appropriate tone
• Exhibits purposeful and strong control of a variety of
sentence structures
• Includes precise, effective word choice
• Demonstrates command of mechanics, grammar, and usage
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 1 (W.6.1)
Write arguments to support claims with clear
reasons and relevant evidence.
EXAMPLE:
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 4 (W.6.4)
Produce clear and coherent writing in which
the development, organization, and style are
appropriate to task, purpose, and audience.
EXAMPLE:
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 8 (W.6.8)
Gather relevant information from multiple print
and digital sources; assess the credibility of
each source; and quote or paraphrase the
data and conclusions of others while avoiding
plagiarism and providing basic bibliographic
information for sources.
EXAMPLE:
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 1 (L.6.1)
Demonstrate command of the conventions of
standard English grammar and usage when
writing or speaking.
EXAMPLE:
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 2 (L.6.2)
Demonstrate command of the conventions of
standard English capitalization, punctuation,
and spelling when writing.
EXAMPLE:
Please note:
The samples may contain inaccuracies in
wording and content or shortcomings in the
use of standard English conventions.
BACKGROUND CONTINUES
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 3
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
STANDARDS ADDRESSED CONTINUE
Background Information
GRADE
6
Instructional Practices:
The teacher used the following practices:
• Designed and administered an on-demand writing prompt
to assess writing skills and content learning
• Designed and presented a pre-writing planning grid
Assignment Description: At the end of a unit of study entitled Athens vs. Sparta, students
wrote an on-demand opinion/argument essay in response to a
prompt that asked whether Athens or Sparta would have been a
better place to live. The prompt was designed to assess content
knowledge from a unit of study and the ability to write an effective
argument.
Intended Audience:
Teacher
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 3 (L.6.3)
Use knowledge of language and its conventions
when writing, speaking, reading or listening.
EXAMPLE:
Language Standards:
Grade 7, Standard 3 (L.7.3)
Use knowledge of language and its conventions
when writing, speaking, reading or listening.
EXAMPLE:
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 6 (L.6.6)
Acquire and use accurately grade-appropriate
general academic and domain-specific words
and phrases; gather vocabulary knowledge
when considering a word or phrase important
to comprehension or expression.
EXAMPLE:
Time:
Unknown
Writing Process:
In class; pre-writing; organizing; drafting; revising; self-editing
(Revising and self-editing done in the process of writing a single
draft during the on-demand assessment process.)
Materials:
Unknown
Please note:
The samples may contain inaccuracies in
wording and content or shortcomings in the
use of standard English conventions.
END OF BACKGROUND
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 4
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
END OF STANDARDS ADDRESSED
GRADE
6
Opinion / Argument
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
In this sample...
The writer organizes in a compare/contrast format an
on-demand argument with an embedded analysis that
demonstrates knowledge of content from a unit of study. Careful
acknowledgement and rebuttal of opposing claims strengthen
the argument and give weight to the writer’s analysis, and a
logical progression of ideas creates considerable coherence
and clarity. Varied sentence structures as well as precise general
academic and appropriate domain-specific language clarify
significant concepts and enhance the style and tone of the
sample. The effective concluding sentences affirm the analysis,
complete the argument, and suggest a course of action. In
spite of some difficulties with transitional elements and shifting
pronoun persons, this sample is a largely effective on-demand
effort to construct a convincing argument and to demonstrate
content knowledge.
Athens vs. Sparta (Pro Sparta)
Hey all you ladies out there! I know you would much rather
have a say in politics, but
over in Athens, men all the
Understanding the
Standards-Based Commentary
The student writing sample that begins on this
page includes in this column standards-based
commentary describing how the writing meets
the standards in the Massachusetts Curriculum
Framework for English Language Arts and
Literacy (2011) and other content frameworks,
when applicable. Where they apply, substandards marked by letters are included.
Evidence for the commentary is noted in the
text of the student writing using color-coded,
numbered ‘begin’ and ‘end’ arrows.
For example:
marks the beginning and
marks
the end of the relevant section in the text.
Please note that the labeled arrows in the text
do not necessarily appear in alphabetical order.
Writing. Grade 7, Standard 1
W.7.1.a
Introduce claim(s), acknowledge alternate or
opposing claims, and organize the reasons
and evidence logically.
A1 Examples: 1
decisions.
You were considered “invisible”, but that exactly
the opposite of what girls want.
Here in Sparta, girls can own
The writer opens the sample with a clear claim
from which the rest of the argument flows (As
you can see, if you were a woman in Greece in
ancient times, Sparta is the better choice.).
A2 Examples: 1 . 2
WRITING SAMPLE CONTINUES
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
The writer acknowledges and rebuts opposing
claims (...over in Athens, men all the decisions.
You were considered “invisible”, but that exactly
the opposite of what girls want. Here in Sparta,
girls can own LAND! ... We were actually not
bloodthirsty, we were selfless.).
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 5
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
MORE COMMENTARY
Opinion / Argument
GRADE
6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
LAND!
That means we could turn it into a spa or salon.
Speaking of a spa, you can also take part in business. We took part in
physical fitness training so we could bear strong sons for the military.
We were born into equal rights,
unlike
Athens
women, who had to work their way up to equal rights, just like
slaves.
As you can see, if you were a woman in Greece in
ancient times
Writing. Grade 7, Standard 1
(continued)
A3 Examples: 1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8
The writer creates a largely clear and effective
compare/contrast organizational structure (...over
in Athens, men all the decisions [AND] Here in
Sparta, girls can own LAND!; We were born into
equal rights [AND] Athens women, who had to
work their way up to equal rights, just like slaves.;
In Sparta, plague and disease rarely came to us
because we were all very healthy [AND] ...1/3 of
Athens’ population died because of a plague.; In
Sparta, your attitude was tough, silent and grim.
The city’s needs came before your own [AND]
Athens focused on things less important than
surviving, like arts and poetry.).
, Sparta is the better choice.
But that’s not the only reason
Sparta was
a better living environment. We also had outstanding health.
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1
W.6.1.b
Support claim(s) with clear reasons and
relevant evidence, using credible sources and
demonstrating an understanding of the topic
or text.
B1 Examples: 1 . 2 . 3
The writer supports the claim with clear, although
sometimes awkwardly expressed, reasons (But
that’s not the only reason Sparta was a better
living environment. We also had outstanding
health ... Since we had such good health, our
military was strong ... In Sparta, your attitude
was tough, silent and grim ...).
WRITING SAMPLE CONTINUES
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 6
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
MORE COMMENTARY
Opinion / Argument
GRADE
6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
We were very strong, physically and mentally, because of a
bootcamp for young soldiers.
The bootcamp was harsh, but it
taught us at a young age to survive on our own, and live in times of
hardship.
Besides bootcamp, Spartans took part in
gymnastics, music and physical training.
In Sparta,
plague
and disease rarely came to us because we were all very healthy,
whereas Athens was often sick.
Infact,
population died because of a plague.
1/3 of Athens’
Including much of
Athens’ population, the plague killed their leader, Pericles. Pericles had
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1
(continued)
B2 Examples: 1 . 2 . 3
The writer supports the mostly effective
argument and analysis with relevant, sometimes
loosely connected, evidence (We were very
strong, physically and mentally, because of a
bootcamp for young soldiers. The bootcamp was
harsh but it taught us at a young age to survive
on our own, and live in times of hardship. Besides
bootcamp, Spartans took part in gymnastics,
music and physical training. In Sparta, plague
and disease rarely came to us because we were
all very healthy, whereas Athens was often sick.
Infact, 1/3 of Athens’ population died because of
a plague ... A part of Athens’ defeat was because
of our strategies. We formed a blockade at the
Athenian port for trade. It was one of their only
resources for food, causing most of Athens to
die of starvation ... The city’s needs came before
your own, and members of the community were
treated as equals. All Spartans were selfless and
composed individuals who fought for our city.
If anyone got sick, which rarely happened, we
would care for them and cure the illness.).
B3 Examples: 1 . 2 . 3
The writer provides context clues to define terms
that may be unfamiliar to the audience (But that’s
not the only reason Sparta was a better The
bootcamp was harsh, but it taught us at a young
age to survive on our own, and live in times of
hardship ... plague and disease rarely came to
us because we were all very healthy, whereas
Athens was often sick ... A part of Athens’ defeat
was because of our strategies. We formed a
blockade at the Athenian port for trade.).
WRITING SAMPLE CONTINUES
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 7
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
MORE COMMENTARY
Opinion / Argument
GRADE
6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
a very strong
impact
on Athens, and
trade
and businesses relied on him for support. After his death,
Athens struggled with despair and loss of leadership, making it
hectic.
Wouldn’t you rather live in a place where health
abounds
and
and we are self-disciplined enough to stay clam
composed
in situations.
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1
(continued)
W.6.1.c
Use words, phrases, and clauses to clarify the
relationships among claim(s) and reasons.
C Examples: 1 . 2 . 3
The writer uses words and phrases to provide
largely clear relationships among the claim and
the reasons for it, creating a logical progression
of ideas (But that’s not the only reason ... Since
we had such good health ... In Sparta...).
W.6.1.e
Since we had such good health,
our military
Provide a concluding statement or section
that follows from the argument presented.
D1 Examples: 1
was strong.
polis
We dominated Athens,
and most other
at war. This allowed us to conquer lots of land for
The writer brings to completion the compare/
contrast organizational structure in a mostly
effective manner that would benefit from
smoother transitioning among ideas (... your
attitude was tough, silent and grim. The city’s
needs came before your own, and members
of the community were treated as equals. All
Spartans were selfless and composed individuals
who fought for our city. If anyone got sick, which
rarely happened, we would care for them and
cure the illness. Athens focused on things less
important than surviving, like arts and poetry. We
were actually not bloodthirsty, we were selfless).
D2 Examples: 1
WRITING SAMPLE CONTINUES
The concluding sentences effectively affirm the
writer’s analysis, complete the argument, and
suggest a course of action (Sparta is a safer,
better place to live in general, and we are happy
to have you. Just remember, you’re fighting for
the city, yourself, and freedom. Come enjoy living
in Sparta, you’ll love it!).
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 8
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
MORE COMMENTARY
Opinion / Argument
GRADE
6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
military camps.
The Spartan warriors were brave and stood strong
in war, playing a key role in many Persian Wars.
part of Athens’ defeat was because of our strategies.
a blockade at the Athenian port for trade.
their only
resources
die of starvation.
A
We formed
It was one of
for food, causing most of Athens to
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 4
W.6.4
Produce clear and coherent writing in which
the development, organization, and style are
appropriate to task, purpose, and audience.
Overall text reference
In the process of completing an on-demand
assessment, the writer makes a clear claim and
constructs a largely clear and effective argument,
while maintaining an appropriate style and tone.
Note: Comment refers to the piece as a whole
rather than a specific example within the text.
Those who didn’t were killed and beaten by us
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 8
Spartans. The Athenians relied mostly on their navy in times of war,
which could be a major con if we were fighting on land. In most cases
we won wars with only a few Spartans killed.
In war, Sparta is the
W.6.8
Gather relevant information from multiple print
and digital sources; assess the credibility of
each source; and quote or paraphrase the
data and conclusions of others while avoiding
plagiarism and providing basic bibliographic
information for sources.
F Examples: 1 . 2
better choice.
The writer integrates, in a largely appropriate
manner, relevant evidence from the unit of
study assessed by the prompt (1/3 of Athens’
population died because of a plague. Including
much of Athens’ population, the plague killed
their leader, Pericles. Pericles had a very strong
impact on Athens, and trade and businesses
relied on him for support. After his death, Athens
struggled with despair and loss of leadership,
making it hectic... We formed a blockade at the
Athenian port for trade...).
WRITING SAMPLE CONTINUES
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 9
SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
MORE COMMENTARY
Opinion / Argument
GRADE
6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
In Sparta,
tough, silent and grim.
your own,
your attitude was
The city’s needs came before
and members of the community were treated as equals.
All Spartans were selfless and composed individuals who fought
for our city.
If anyone got sick, which rarely happened, we would
Language. Grade 6, Standard 1 AND
Language. Grade 6, Standard 2
L.6.1 AND
L.6.2
L.6.1
Demonstrate command of the conventions of
standard English grammar and usage when
writing or speaking.
L.6.2
Demonstrate command of the conventions of
standard English capitalization, punctuation,
and spelling when writing.
Overall text reference
care for them and cure the illness.
Athens focused on things
less important than surviving, like arts and poetry.
We were
In an on-demand assessment setting, the writer
demonstrates command of mechanics, grammar,
and usage. Notwithstanding some errors,
meaning is clear throughout the sample.
Note: Comment refers to the piece as a whole
rather than a specific example within the text.
Language. Grade 6, Standard 3 AND
Language. Grade 7, Standard 3
L.6.3.a AND
L.7.3.a
L.6.3.a
Vary sentence patterns for meaning, reader/
listener interest, and style.
L.7.3.a
Choose language that expresses ideas
precisely and concisely, recognizing and
eliminating wordiness and redundancy.
H1 Examples: 1 . 2 . 3 . 4
WRITING SAMPLE CONTINUES
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
The writer contributes to the clarity of the
sample and enhances its style by mixing
correctly formed sentences of varying lengths
and complexity (The Spartan warriors were
brave and stood strong in war, playing a key role
in many Persian Wars ... In war, Sparta is the
better choice ... All Spartans were selfless and
composed individuals who fought for our city ...
Sparta is a safer, better place to live in general,
and we are happy to have you.).
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 10 SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
MORE COMMENTARY
Opinion / Argument
GRADE
6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
Language. Grade 6, Standard 3 AND
Language. Grade 7, Standard 3
(continued)
actually not bloodthirsty, we were selfless.
Sparta is a safer, better place to live in general, and
we are happy to have you.
Just remember, you’re fighting
for the city, yourself, and freedom. Come enjoy living in Sparta,
you’ll love it!
H2 Examples: 1 . 2
The writer makes purposeful use of interrogative,
imperative, and exclamatory sentences to
reinforce the argument and enhance style
(Wouldn’t you rather live in a place where health
abounds and we are self-disiplined enough to
stay clam and composed in situations ... Just
remember, you’re fighting for the city, yourself,
and freedom. Come enjoy living in Sparta, you’ll
love it!).
H3 Examples: 1 . 2
The writer crystallizes ideas important to the
argument and enhances style with precise and
concise language (We dominated Athens ... your
attitude was tough, silent and grim.).
Language. Grade 6, Standard 6
L.6.6
Acquire and use accurately grade-appropriate
general academic and domain-specific words
and phrases; gather vocabulary knowledge
when considering a word or phrase important
to comprehension or expression.
I1 Examples: 1 . 2 . 3 . 4
The writer enhances the appropriate style and
tone of the sample with general academic
language (hardship ... impact ...abounds
...composed).
I2 Examples: 1 . 2 . 3 . 4
END OF WRITING SAMPLE
The writer makes evidence more authentic and
effective by using appropriate domain-specific
language (ancient times ... trade ... polis ...
resources).
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
Page 11 SAMPLE B6-14b (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
END OF COMMENTARY