Download Classical Studies

Jeff Lambert
Classical Studies
The suffix –logy, from the Greek –logia, usually means “the study of.” Biology is the
study of life. Sociology is the study of society. Psychology is the study of the mind. And so on
and so on. Oddly enough, the suffix –logy in the word etiology, doesn’t exactly mean “the
study of.” Rather, the whole word “etiology” means “giving a reason for.” Why is this like
this? Why does that do that? These are etiologies. Today, we have a field of sciences to explain
why things are the way they are or why things do what they do. We don’t fly out of roller
coasters because centripetal force holds us in our seats. Planes fly because the air below the
wings is moving faster than the air above. Echoes are the result of reflecting sound waves. We
know these things because we’ve got the science to back it up. However, the ancient Greeks,
despite their “advanced” science, couldn’t quite explain certain phenomena. I suppose it’s
fitting that they came up with etiology; although, their etiologies involved fewer natural
explanations and many more supernatural ones.
In ancient Greece, everything was the way it was because of the gods. They didn’t have
the empirical data to determine why there are four seasons or where spiders came from. They
determined that Demeter must cause the seasons to change and Athena foisted spiders on the
earth. There are dozens of etiological myths (the most absurd of which hold a special place in
my heart.
Where Horses and Olives Came From
Once upon a time, in Ancient Greece, there was a new city on the sea. It was a grand
city with new, cutting-edge buildings and thousands of citizens. The citizens, despite their
predisposition to design and art, couldn’t for the life of them figure out what to call the city.
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Poseidon and Athena (brother and daughter of Zeus) each wanted the city to be named after
them. They made valid arguments, but the denizens of the grand city simply couldn’t make up
their minds. And so, they decided to hold a contest. The god who gave them the best gift
would have the city named after him or her.
Poseidon gave the people four-legged animals that could plow fields, carry coaches, and
carry people. Those animals would later be called horses. Athena gave the citizens a new fruit.
This fruit could be eaten and produced an oil with many uses. That fruit would later be called
olive. And the people decided that olives were more useful than horses. And so, the citizens
named their city Athens, after Athena. ♦ And that’s where horses and olives came from.
I don’t know exactly where olives and horses came from, but it’s safe to say Athena and
Poseidon had nothing to do with it.
Where Spiders Came From
Millennia ago, in Ancient Greece, there was a woman named Arachne. Arachne could
so tapestries better than any mortal. They were beautiful and intricate creations. One day she
proclaimed that she could sew tapestries better than Athena, the goddess of wisdom. Athena
did not take too kindly to this. And so Athena challenged Arachne to a competition. Whoever
could sew the most beautiful tapestry would be the winner. Arachne accepted and the
competition began. As luck would have it, Athena sewed the more beautiful tapestry. As
punishment for her hubris (another Greek word), Athena turned Arachne into a small eightlegged creature. Athena, unlike most other gods, was not heartless. She left Arachne with her
ability to sew tapestries, albeit small ones made of only one color. And that’s where spiders
came from.
♦
Although Poseidon has had a successful movie and its remake named after him.
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I don’t know exactly where spiders came from, but it seems unlikely that Athena came
down from Olympus and turned a woman into a spider. Unlikely, but not impossible.
Why There’s Pain and Suffering in the World
Way back when, in Ancient Greece, there was a woman named Pandora. Pandora was
created by the gods themselves. She was the perfect woman. She had every gift any woman
could have. ♠ Pandora’s fatal flaw was curiosity. To test her, the gods gave her a box and didn’t
tell her what was in it. Her only instruction was to never, under any circumstances, open the
box. Of course, Pandora, being overly curious, couldn’t help but wonder what was in the box.
So, she opened it. Every human ailment came pouring out of the box faster than she could close
it. And that’s why there’s pain and suffering in the world.
Rationally speaking, there is so much pain and suffering in the world because of
humans. It’s just a lot easier to blame it on the gods . . . or God.
Christians actually have their own version of this myth. They’re basically the same
except Adam and Eve play the part of Pandora and Satan stands in for Pandora’s curiosity.
This presents an interesting issue. Two completely different religions sought to explain the
unexplainable. Coincidence? I think not.
Why We Have to Have an Explanation for Everything
Humans are social beings. We are also curious (as evidenced by Pandora and the box
and Adam and Eve and the fruit). There is a reason we always want to know secrets or know
what happens at the end of Lost. I won’t go as far as to say we have a biological need for
information, but we at the very least have a psychological need for it. This psychological need
for information varies from person to person, but it’s in everyone. Some of us need to know
♠
Pandora actually means “all gifts” in Classical Greek. Pandora is also a planet with large blue inhabitants and an
online radio service.
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which celebrity is dating which celebrity. Some of us have to figure out how an internal
combustion engine works. Some of us have to absorb as many Greek myths as we can. No
matter the subject or the field, everyone needs to know more about something. If humans
didn’t have this psychological urge to acquire information and innovate, we’d still be in the
Basal Paleolithic (aka The Stone Age).
Why I am Healthily Obsessed with Greek Mythology
I am driven to learn all I can about the Ancient Greeks, focusing on mythology. I more
than toyed with the idea of double majoring in Anthropology and Classics when I got to college
(but it’s a good thing I decided against it because they recently nixed our Classics program). Ψ
There’s just something so . . . romantic about the Greek myths. Orpheus went to Hell and back
(literally) to be with his love again. ♠ Menelaus led a ten year war to get his wife, the (in)famous
Helen of Troy, back to Sparta.
The romance doesn’t end with myth. Plato actually hypothesized that humans
originally had two faces, four arms, and four legs. Zeus feared that humans would rise up
against him, so he split humans in two, condemning them to a life-long struggle to complete
themselves. ♥
Ancient Greece had it all: music, art, poetry, theatre, dry heat, everything anyone could
ever want. It is our job, as human beings, to continue passing on the stories our ancestors told,
whether it be how Apollo turned Daphne into a tree or how Aeneas invented pizza. ♣ We have
Ψ
I love Greek mythology so much I even came up with my own etiological myth and, while I consider it to be very
Greek, I cannot bring myself to relay it to anyone.
♠
It didn’t work out, but at least he went for it. Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before,
after all. I’m sure that sentiment was a great comfort to poor Orpheus.
♥
What we refer to today as “trying to find out Soul Mate.” Who says romance is dead?
♣
It’s true. Read a book once in a while. Yeesh.
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to preserve the culture. These stories took decades if not centuries or millennia to take proper
form, the least we can do is pay respect to those ancient storytellers. The stories are not only
enduring, but rich and full of adult detail.♦ Great stories deserve to be told.
Why All Good Things Must Come to an End
Etiology: a Greek word for a Greek idea. The Greeks may not have had the technology
or scientific know-how to figure out why things were the way they were or where things came
from, but at least they tried to explain it. Perhaps Pandora was the mother of all ancient Greeks.
They were a very curious people. Ω
♦
The gods often punished mortals who refused to sleep with them. Io was cursed with eternal youth. Daphne was
turned into a tree. I think today that would be considered overkill.
Ω
And they weren’t, or rather, aren’t, the only ones. Perhaps we all descended from Ancient Greeks in some way,
shape, or form. I know I have a knack for storytelling.
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