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Monitoring Own Non-Verbal Messages
Submitted by: Adam Liston
Salt Lake Community College
Comm. 1010
March 8, 2013
April 20, 2013
Non-verbal communication, if portrayed poorly, can have a large negative impact on how
people think and act toward you. In turn, if portrayed well, non-verbal communication can be
key in opening many doors for you in the future. For this reason, I want to improve my Nonverbal communicating skills. I feel that if one puts the time into planning a speech or something
of that nature, (verbal communication) they can be very successful; However by nervous bodily
movements, bad habits, etc. (Non-verbal Communication) can not only take away from all the
planning and effort put into verbal communication, but can have a completely opposite negative
result. I must understand that in order to improve my non-verbal communicating skills, it will
take much self-awareness and self-discipline.
Description of problem:
There are many areas regarding non-verbal communication I would like to improve on. I
know that I have horrible posture. I tend to fidget and tap my arms and legs without even
recognizing it. The text says, “Fidgeting hands might signal nervousness; tapping foot,
impatience…” (Adler, Eldhorst, & Lucas, p. 96) The text also says, “Nonverbal behavior is
ambiguous” ” (Adler, Eldhorst, & Lucas, p. 92) I don’t necessarily want to show signs of
nervousness or impatience, especially since these actions might be completely misunderstood. I
need to improve on these issues, to prepare for future interviews and opportunities, because, as
the text states, “Nonverbal communication affects career success” ” (Adler, Eldhorst, & Lucas, p.
92)
Resources and Constraints:
With today’s technology and resources, there are many options and resources I can
research for help. The text provides a lot of very useful information which has, and will continue
to help me to improve; however, as I said previously, many times I do things out of habit,
without recognizing it. The text won’t help me on this issue. Asking friends and family to help,
by pointing things out to you and providing suggestions, would be a great idea.
Recommendation:
“If you have ever asked yourself, “how am I doing?” you know something about selfmonitoring…”” (Adler, Eldhorst, & Lucas, p. 101) The first step in improving non-verbal
communication/effectiveness is that I need to monitor my non-verbal behavior. In order for me
to know how to fix the problem, I must first understand what the problem is, and learn to monitor
it.
The text explains that high self-monitors are good at knowing when to adapt their nonverbal
behavior to suit the situation. (Adler, Eldhorst, & Lucas, p. 101) As mentioned above, many
times we do things out of habit, without realizing it. As one strives to become a better selfmonitor, that person will pay attention to their behavior and use their observations to shape the
way he or she behaves. Self-monitoring nonverbal behavior is key to breaking bad habits, and to
progress in general.
The second step is something I definitely need to improve on. It is to “Demonstrate
Interest in Others”. Before I continue, I want to clarify the meaning of the word, “immediacy”.
“The term immediacy describes verbal and nonverbal behaviors that indicate closeness and
liking.” (Adler, Eldhorst, & Lucas, p. 101) Some nonverbal cues of immediacy are more direct
eye gaze, more forward lean, more relaxed posture, positive facial expression, and warmer vocal
qualities. So why am I taking the time to explain the meaning of this term? It is because,
“There’s a strong link between high immediacy and career success.” (Adler, Eldhorst, & Lucas,
p. 101) I once heard a quote that went as follows, “[They] won’t care how much you know, until
they know how much you care.” Even in the small, everyday things, demonstrating interest in
others, and striving to show high immediacy can greatly benefit the relationships you gain with
others which ultimately can promote effective networking, as well as career success.
Immediacy cues are especially important when first meeting someone, and in the beginning
stages of a relationship. Another quote that I often hear goes as follows, “You never get a second
chance to make a first impression.” Striving to show high immediacy by demonstrating interest
in others can be a large step in improving nonverbal communication.
As I have now mentioned several times, bad habits have a huge role in nonverbal
communication. I can think of several bad habits which I have. (Some are listed above.) So the
question remains, how can I fix/correct my bad habits? “Our consistency in doing seemingly
small things can lead to [very] significant results. (David A. Bednar) Consistency has a huge role
to play in correcting bad habits. As we consistently monitor ourselves and demonstrate interest in
others, by showing high immediacy, we will begin to see the results thereof. First of all, I need to
discipline myself. Then, I need to carefully select the resolutions for these habits, and make
them, commit to keep them, and not allow any obstacle to stop me. By consistently following
this pattern, I am confident that I will be able to overcome many bad habits, and also incorporate
many new and wholesome habits.
Lastly, I feel that maybe the most important thing to do is to follow up. What I mean by
following up is to take some time to review your progress and look for ways to improve. I have
set many goals in my life that have simply been forgotten and never achieved, simply because I
failed to follow up on them. As we follow up on, and constantly review, our progress, we will be
able to see areas that we need to improve on. On top of that, we will be able to see the progress
which has been made.
I truly believe that if I take into account the many things which are to be learned from the
book, I will begin to better understand the elements of nonverbal communication. I can also use
the many guidelines that it contains to help achieve my goals. I must also acknowledge that
trying to achieve these goals by myself would be extremely difficult. It would be both wise and
very helpful to turn to others, such as my family, for help and effective criticism. In another text
it states “Well-conceived and effectively operating groups produce more solutions than
individuals working alone, and the solutions are likely to be better.” (Communicating at Work,
Pg. 236-237). By doing this, I might get a second and third perspective, as well as some good
ideas on how to go forward.
Conclusion:
Nonverbal communication is something that I have always had a hard time with. I worry
that, if I don’t correct this problem it might negatively affect my career success as well as my
standing with future employers, peers, etc. However, I am very confident that by monitoring my
behavior and consistently exercising the principles that I have learned, such as demonstrating
interest in others, how to overcome bad habits, following up (accountability), and turning to
other for help, I will begin to make some very large improvements in my nonverbal
communicating skills. I am excited to implement this plan in my life, not only for the few weeks
to come, but throughout my entire life, to continue to improve, day by day, year by year, until I
finally reach my goal.
Works Cited:
Communicating at Work, (Adler, Eldhorst, & Lucas)