Download 1. Remove Repeated Words

Editing Business Messages for Clarity
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Using concise wording
Changing wordy phrases to single adverbs
Removing statements of the obvious
Removing empty of needless adverbs
Removing repetition and redundant words
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If you can’t put your message into clear and
concise terms, you cannot expect results to
match your goals
One of the most important skills a manager can
have is the ability to clearly express ideas,
suggestions, strategies and tactics
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“What is he/she trying to say?”
“Where is he/she going with this?”
“What is his/her point?”
“When will this email/presentation/letter
end?”
Or...
“I’m lost!”
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This usually happens
when people use too
many words to try to
say what they mean:
speaking or writing
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We were taught to focus on quantity over
quality:
Essays (minimum word count)
Time specification for presentation
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Be Concise!
The word concise means, “using less to say
more”
‘trim the fat’ off of your messages! 
More is in vain when less will serve.
Isaac Newton
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Redundancies
Needless adjectives and
adverbs
Writing zeroes
Needless passive voice
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guarantee
my opinion
absolute guarantee
my personal opinion
blended
bright green
blended together
bright green in color
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already existing
introduced a new
alternative choices
at the present time presently
basic fundamentals
completely eliminate
continue to remain
mix together
never before
none at all
now at this time
period of time
currently being
private industry
empty space
first began
had done previously
separate entities
start out
still persists
whether or not
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it is my intent to show that = 0
as a matter of fact = 0
as is well known
=0
it is noteworthy
=0
the presence of
=0
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I’m sending this email to notify employees of
the new regulations.
Edited:
Please note the new regulations
at this point in time
at that point in time
replace with
has the ability to
has the potential to
in the event that
in the vicinity of
owing to the fact that
replace with
replace with
replace with
replace with
replace with
replace with
the question as to whether replace with
there is no doubt but that replace with
now
then
can
will
if
near
because
whether
no doubt
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Vibration measurements made in the course of the Titan flight
test program were complicated by the presence of intense
high-frequency excitation of the vehicle shell structure during
the re-entry phase of the flight.
Vibration measurements made in the Titan flight were complicated by
intense high-frequency excitation of the vehicle shell during re-entry.
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The objective of our work is to obtain experimental data that can be
used in conjunction with a comprehensive chemical kinetics
modeling study to generate a detailed understanding of the
fundamental processes that lead
to engine knock.
Our objective is to obtain experimental data to be used with a
chemical kinetics model to explain the processes that lead
to engine knock.
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rather unique
unique
slows down
slows
well demonstrated
demonstrated
The achievement of our
success relies very
heavily on a rather
detailed understanding
of the somewhat
complex
processes that govern
gas velocities.
Our success relies on
understanding the complex
processes that govern gas
velocities.
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Consider this sentence:
 Wordiness is a word that is often used by many people to
express the idea that something that was written by someone in
a larger number of words could have been expressed in a
smaller number of words (38 words).
It’s not difficult to make this sentence more concise, but I’m using
an easy lard-laden sentence in order to demonstrate a strategy for
revising prose to be more concise.
Use the following strategies when you have a more complicated
sentence that is filled with lard.
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What does repeated mean?
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Sometimes (in legal documents, for example),
repetition is needed for clarity
However, when it can be avoided, we should
do so
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Consider this sentence:
I gave the files to the file-clerk to be filed in the
filing cabinet
Ah! Let’s edit that, shall we?
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I gave the files to the clerk to be put in the cabinet.
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Much better!
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Repeating word roots
 Repetition is about patterns: if refers to the habit of
repeating roots, words, or phrases needlessly
 Example:
 A)Repeated Root: We will meet for the meeting.
 Edited: We will have a meeting.
 Example:
 B) Repeated Word:
 Our department’s managers should try to keep their
managers’ needs in mind, when we are shaping policies
that may affect many of the managers in the company.
 Edited:
 Our department's managers should try to keep our needs
in mind when we are shaping policies that may affect
many of the executives in the company.
 Note: Notice how the word managers is repeated for
clarity, but it unnecessary. It can be replaced by a
pronoun or by a synonym (a word that means the same
thing)
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Repeating Phrases
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This is easy to spot as well and can be easy to fix.
Example:
 C) Repeated Phrase:
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 This week, we will begin a progress report on the profits
from the first quarter, to compare with the progress report of
the profits from the last quarter
 Edited:
 This week, we will begin a progress report on the profits
from the first quarter to compare with the one from the last
quarter
Wordiness is a word that is often used by many people
to express the idea that something that was written by
someone in a larger number of words could have been
expressed in a smaller number of words.
Eliminate what seems easiest.
Wordiness is a word often used by many people to express the
idea that something written by someone in a larger number of
words could have been expressed in a smaller number of
words.
We now have eliminated 4 words – it’s a start.
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What is a preposition?
Examples?
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Therefore, a prepositional phrase is a phrase
that results when a group of subordinate
words begin with a preposition.
After the meeting, we will call the customers in
Dubai
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When are they wordy?
Sometimes a prepositional phrase can tell us
about the manner of something
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He edited the memo in a careful manner.
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Remember these?
Wordiness is a word often used by many people to
express the idea {means} that something written by
someone in a larger number of {more} words could
have been expressed in a smaller number of {fewer}
words.
Wordiness means that something written in more
words
could have been expressed in fewer.
That move cut 20 words, so we now have 14 total.
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If the sentences refers to both writing and speech, then no
need to specify writing.
Wordiness means that something written in more
words
could have been expressed in fewer. (14 words)
Wordiness means using more words than necessary. (7
words).
Note: be certain the phrase is expendable.
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Wordiness means using too many words.
From 38 to 6 words.
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When you first start editing for conciseness, it may be unsettling
because a document you thought was finished may be reduced to
little more than a few paragraphs.
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When that happens, consider what you have not included such as
specific details, examples, analogies, etc. and develop your writing
to fulfill the intended purpose.
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