Download Chapter 11

Chapter 11
Attraction, Love, and
Communication
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Attraction
• The Girl Next Door
– Mere—exposure effect
• Repeated exposure to any stimulus, including
a person, leads to greater liking for that
stimulus
• Birds of a Feather
– Homophily
• Tendency to have contact with people who are
equal in social status
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© 2014 by McGraw-Hill Education. This is proprietary material solely for authorized instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in
any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
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© 2014 by McGraw-Hill Education. This is proprietary material solely for authorized instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in
any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Attraction
• Physical Attractiveness
– Individuals will prefer potential partners who
are more physically attractive
• young men and women typically rate physical appearance
as the most important aspect of sex appeal
• The Interpersonal Marketplace
– Matching Phenomenon – the tendency to
choose as partners people whose social
“worth” match their own
• Women’s worth may be based on beauty
• Men’s worth may be based on success
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© 2014 by McGraw-Hill Education. This is proprietary material solely for authorized instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in
any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Attraction
• From the Laboratory to Real Life
– Much of research has focused on actual similarity
– What may be more important is perceived
similarity
• the extent to which the individual believes his/her partner
is similar on important characteristics (2008)
– Actual similarity was associated with attraction in studies
involving no or short interaction
– Perceived similarity was associated with attraction in
studies involving no or short interactions, and in existing
relationships
– Individual’s rating of self—worth predicted the
level of physical and social attractiveness of
his/her partner choice (2011)
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Attraction
• Attraction Online
– Some Web sites have tens of
thousands of personals ads
– Surveys suggest that educated, busy,
affluent 20— to 40—year—olds seek
partners online
– Technology forces users to focus on
similar interests rather than physical
attractiveness
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Attraction
• Attraction Online (cont’d)
– Why the growth of online personal
ads?
• a growing proportion of population is
single
– more people are looking
• career and time pressures
– more efficient ways to look for partners
• more highly mobile population
– harder to find partners
• workplace romance is less acceptable
– concerns regarding sexual harassment
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Attraction
• Explaining Our Preferences
• Reinforcement theory: Byrne’s Law of
Attraction
– we tend to like people who give us
reinforcements or rewards
– dislike people who give us punishments.
• Sociobiology: Sexual Strategies Theory
– we look for partners who will produce healthy
offspring
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Intimacy
• The level of commitment and positive
affective, cognitive and physical
closeness one experiences with a
partner in a reciprocal relationship
• Self-disclosure
– the key characteristic of intimacy
• Involves telling one’s partner personal things
• Leads to reciprocity
– Couples that practice more disclosure
are more satisfied (1981)
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Love
• Triangular Theory of Love
– Robert Sternberg (1986)
• Three components of love:
– intimacy
• emotional component
– passion
• motivational component
– decision or commitment
• cognitive component
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© 2014 by McGraw-Hill Education. This is proprietary material solely for authorized instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in
any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
11-11
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
11-12
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Love
• Attachment Theory of Love
– Hazan and Shaver theory of love
• secure lovers
– find it easy to get close to others
• avoidant lovers
– are uncomfortable feeling close to another person
• anxious—ambivalent lovers
– want desperately to get closer to a partner but
often find that the partner does not reciprocate
the feeling
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Love
• Love as a Story
– a story about what love should be like
• includes characters, a plot, and a theme
• two central characters in every love story
– Falling in love
– when you meet someone with whom
you can create a relationship that fits
your love story
– Love stories are self—confirming
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Love
• Passionate & Companionate Love – a 4th
Perspective
– Passionate love
– state of intense physiological arousal and intense
longing for union with another & intense physiological
arousal
– Companionate love
• feeling of deep attachment and commitment to a
person with whom one has an intimate relationship
– Gradual shift from passionate to companionate
love occurs between 6—30 months of a
relationship
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Love
• The Biology of Love
– Dopamine
• can produce increased energy, focused attention, and
reduced need for food and sleep
– common experiences of people in early stages of love
– Oxytocin
• stimulated by touch, including sexual touching and
orgasm; may contribute to long—term relationships
– MRI
• pictures of romantic partners activated areas in the
brain rich in dopamine pathways
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Research on Love
• Operational definition
– a concept is defined by how it is
measured
• Measuring love
– scores on the Passionate Love Scale
(PLS) were correlated positively with
other measures of love and with
measures of commitment to and
satisfaction with the relationship
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Research on Love
• Love & Adrenaline: Two—Component
Theory of Love
– Berscheid and Walster’s theory
• two conditions must exist simultaneously for passionate
love to occur:
– physiological arousal
– attaching a cognitive label (“love”) to the feeling of arousal
• Misattribution of arousal
– when one is in a stage of physiological arousal (from
exercising or being in a frightening situation) but attributes
these feelings to love or attraction to the person present
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Research on Love
• Cross—Cultural Research
– Individualistic cultures
• U.S., Canada, and Western European
countries
• tend to emphasize individual goals over group
and societal goals and interests
– Collectivist cultures
• China, Africa, and Southeast Asian countries
• Emphasize group and collective goals over
personal ones
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Research on Love
• Cultural Values & the Meaning of Love
– Worldwide:
• men placed more weight on cues of reproductive
capacity such as physical attractiveness
• women rated cues about resources as more important
– Some phenomena are similar across cultures,
such as valuing
• Intelligence
• Kindness
• Understanding in a mate
– Others, such as whether love is a
prerequisite for marriage, differ across cultures
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“Would You Marry Someone You
Didn’t Love?”
11-21
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Communication
• Communication & Relationships
– 4 destructive patterns of interaction
•
•
•
•
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
withdrawal
– Positive communication is important
in developing and maintaining
intimate relationships
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Communication
• Being an Effective Communicator: Skills
– Good messages:
• complain rather than criticize
– use “I” language.
• don’t mind—read or make assumptions about
what your partner thinks or feels. Ask
• documenting
– give specific examples of the issue being discussed.
• offer limited choices
– provide a set of acceptable alternatives
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Communication
• Skills (cont’d)
– Leveling
• telling your partner what you are feeling by
stating your thoughts clearly, simply, and
honestly
– Editing
• censoring or not saying things that would
be deliberately hurtful to your partner or
that are irrelevant
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Communication
• Skills (cont’d)
– Listening – actively trying to understand
what the other person is saying
• Non—defensive listening – focusing on what
your partner is saying and feeling, and not
immediately becoming defensive or
counterattacking with complaints of your own
– Paraphrasing – saying, in your own
words, what you thought your partner
meant
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any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Communication
• Skills (cont’d)
– Body Talk: Nonverbal Communication
• Communication not through words but
through the body
– Examples:
•
•
•
•
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tone of voice
facial expressions
position of the body
touching
© 2014 by McGraw-Hill Education. This is proprietary material solely for authorized instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in
any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Communication
• Skills (cont’d)
– Validating
• telling your partner that, given his or her
point of view, you can see why he or she
thinks a certain way
– Drawing your partner out
– Accentuate the positive
• happy couples make more positive
communications
11-27
© 2014 by McGraw-Hill Education. This is proprietary material solely for authorized instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in
any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.
Communication
• Skills (cont’d)
• Fair Fighting: A set of rules designed to
make arguments constructive rather than
destructive
• Don’t make sarcastic or
insulting remarks
• Don’t bring up the names of
former lovers, boyfriends, etc.
• Don’t play amateur
psychologist
• Don’t threaten to tell your
parents or run home
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• If you have children, don’t
bring them into it
• Don’t engage in “dumping”
• Don’t hit and run
• Don’t focus on who’s to blame
© 2014 by McGraw-Hill Education. This is proprietary material solely for authorized instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in
any manner. This document may not be copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or in part.