Download JUST Listening - PA Bar Association

Listening For Lawyers:
Effective Communication for Effective Advocacy
Berks County Bar Association
October 23, 2013
Outline

Listening Like A Lawyer
• The Lawyer Personality


Considerations for Dissolving Barriers to Communication
• Listening Filters
 Contents of our own Minds
 Socio-Cultural Filters
 Ego and Behavioral Blocks
to Listening/Understanding
Listening Practice
• Strategic Questioning:
Asking The Best Question
Evolutionary Considerations
Justice
One definition of Justice is “Right
Relationship”
Fairness, equality, respect, inherent dignity of every person
Listening itself is an act of Justice
“The healing function ought to
be the primary role of the
lawyer in the highest
conception of our profession….
Chief Justice Warren Burger
“Listening is the oldest, and perhaps
most powerful tool of healing”
Rachel Naomi Remen
Cognitive and Behavioral
Distancing From Those Who Are
Not Like Ourselves
…the dominant human response to people
perceived as ‘other’
Both interpersonal and institutional

Lack of exposure, experience

Ignorance (not knowing, unaware)
Leads to Development of “Isms”

Moral Exclusion: see as ‘other’ and lesser.
Dehumanization

Lack of empathy, sympathy, compassion

Stereotyping

Discrimination
• Exclusion

Legal system
Good News!!!



Distancing is nonnormative among
those in actual
relationship with
those in the target
group
The antidote:
Relationship
Justice: “Right relationship”
Shifting the Listening Paradigm
Active Listening….one of many listening modalities

Encouraging

Restating

Reflecting

Summarizing
What is ‘Listening Like a Lawyer’?
Reflect upon modes
of communication
in law.
In your experience,
what stands out for
you as the most
significant aspect
of Listening Like a
Lawyer? Name it in
a word or phrase.
What Do We Learn In Law School?
“In academic culture most listening is critical
listening. We tend to pay attention only
long enough to develop a
counterargument, we critique (other’s)
ideas, we mentally grade and pigeonhole
each other.
Seldom is there a deep, openhearted,
unjudging reception of the other. And so
we all talk louder and more stridently and
with a terrible desperation.
MRO’Reilly, quoted in Mark Weisberg and Jean Koh Peters, Experiments in
Listening, Journal of Legal Education, volume 57, Number 3 (September
2007
Reflective Listening
Continuum*
Pure doubt
Pure belief
Socratic method/Critical Listening
Deep Listening
< __________________ __>
Good lawyers and judges know when to use these modalities
appropriately.
Adapted from : Peter Elbow. Embracing Contraries: Explorations in Learning and Teaching (Oxford, 1986)
The Lawyer Personality
Adapted from Understanding and Leading Lawyers, by Dr. Larry Richard



“Lawyers are not like other kids.”
On most personality traits, lawyers
score dramatically differently from
other people
On 6 of 18 traits, lawyers score two
levels outside the standard deviation
Lawyers…..




Are more skeptical: Greatest deviation
from norm.
• Lawyers score 90% (general
public:50%)
Are more autonomous:
• Lawyers: 85% General Public: 50%
Have a greater sense of urgency:
• Lawyers: 75% General Public: 50%
Have a higher level of empathy
• (Also see Myers-Briggs data in
materials)
Lawyers…




Have a lower level of Sociability: (degree
to which connect at cerebral or emotional
level)
Lawyers: 12% General Public: 50 %
Utilize abstract reasoning to a greater
degree:
Lawyers: 82%
General Public 50%
Are less Resilient:
Lawyers: 36%
General Public 50%
Are most effective in One on One
communication. Keep large group
discussions to a minimum.
Implications of Collaborative,
‘Generous Listening’ Approach:







Attorney-client relationship
Information Gathering
Choice of strategy
Outcomes
Client satisfaction
Attorney satisfaction
Access to Justice
….for Colleagues
and Staff:

Better relationships
• Increased
understanding
• More efficient and
effective
communication


Less tension and
stress
Possibility of
greater creativity
Listening in and of itself
does some of the work for you.
Listening Filters
1.
The Content of Our
Own Minds
2.
Socio-cultural filters
3.
Our Egos

Content of our own Minds
• What IS the content of your
thought?
The Process:
1. Examine Your Internal Monologue:
What goes on in your head?








Thinking of the rest of your to-do list
Thinking of what to say in response
Thinking of a solution
Thinking of why the other person is wrong
Thinking about a similar thing that
happened to you
Thinking about what you have to do next
Worrying about your problems
Worrying about 3,000 things that might
happen
What To Do?
Be Aware
Conscious
Present
Intentional
CAVEAT!
Continuous Partial Attention
Multitasking:
The Research*
• Faster behaviors
• Those who multitask most are those
least able to do so




Poor at sorting out irrelevancy
Worse at switching between tasks
Worse memory retention
Research: is multitasking deteriorating
these capacities in the brain?
*Based on the work of Clifford Nass, Stanford, Communication Between Human
and Interactive Media Lab, and Gary Small UCLA, ibrain: Surviving the Technological
Alteration of the Modern Mind
Socio-Cultural Filters
*
Based on the work of:
•
•
•
•
Nancy Boyd-Franklin, Nancy. Black Families in Therapy: Understanding the African American Experience.
Monica McGoldrick, Joe Giordano, and Nydia Garcia-Preto, editors. Ethnicity and Family Therapy, 3rd Edition.
Deborah Tannen, You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men In Conversation, and Talking Nine To Five: Women and Men at
Work
Susan Bryant, “The Five Habits: Building Cross Cultural Competence in Lawyers” 8 Clinical Law Review 37 2001-2002

And others……….
Filters, continued….
Age
Education
Class
E
G
O
Religion
Ethnicity
Gender
(Bias)
Differences in Custom and Culture:*
How can these affect communication with clients?

Formation of trusting relationships

Evaluation of credibility

Information gathering

Attribution of intended meaning from
behavior and expression
*adapted from Bryant
Listening Filters

Culture and Custom
• Non-verbals

Biases/Prejudices/
Assumptions
See Project Implicit:
https://implicit.harvard.edu
/implicit

Prior Experience,
including Knowledge
• For lawyers, this
includes legal
knowledge/skills/
expertise. Clients
bring their own
experience and skill.
Other issues…..

Non verbals: What is your
assumption about what these
signify?
Eg.
• Nodding?
• Eye contact?

Individualism vs. Collective culture:
• e.g. privacy and confidentiality.
• How could this be an issue in the clientrelationship context?
Socio-Cultural Rules and Norms

Hidden Assumptions about:
 possessions
 money
 time
 education
 language
 world view
 personality
 motivations
 gender roles
 family
Enormous variation in norms and beliefs
Socio-Cultural Conversational Dynamics

The Role of Story
• The Structure of
Conversation

The Role of Language


Formal and casual speech
Context: Custom and Belief
Language in Cultural Context

Example #1. Lawyer says to Client:
“If there is anything you do not
understand, please just ask me to
explain”

Or, Example. #2
“If I am not being clear, please just ask
me any questions:”
What could you say instead?
Four Helpful Attitudes/Behaviors
1.
Not Knowing
2.
Genuine Curiosity
3.
4.
Awareness of Personal and SocioCultural Filters
Focus on EXPERIENCE, not
convictions
What To Do????
• Know that you do not know.
Be CONSCIOUS of this.
• Engage in
‘generous interpretation’
of client behavior:
adopt “parallel universe”* thinking
Bryant, Susan. “The Five Habits: Building Cross Cultural Competence in Lawyers” 8 Clinical Law Review 37 20012002
• Respond with Strategic
Questions, not statements.
• If you can’t think of anything
to say, don’t say anything!
Experiment with silence.
ONE MORE FILTER WE ALL
HAVE IN COMMON…
OUR
EGOS
 Desiring, seeking, or demanding recognition
for something you did
Being angry, upset, disgruntled,
or ‘holding on’ if you don’t get it

Trying to get
attention by talking
about yourself,
your experiences,
your issues etc.
 Giving your opinion when nobody has asked
for it and it makes no difference to the
situation
 Being more concerned with how the other
person sees you than with the other person

Trying to make an
impression on
others through
knowledge, status,
physical strength,
possessions, good
looks, etc. For
some, boasting of
the OPPOSITE, e.g.
a simple lifestyle,
lack of
possessions, lack
of a privileged
background, etc.
 Bringing about
temporary ego
inflation through
angry reaction
against someone or
something



Taking things
personally, feeling
offended
Making yourself right
and others wrong
through futile mental
or verbal complaining,
gymnastics,
explaining.
Wanting to be seen,
or appear important.
• Bragging, selfaggrandizing speech
• Exaggerating/inflating
accomplishments
• Belittling others, actions
that diminish, demean,
or are meant to
embarrass others
REFLECT
Which of these behaviors do I own?
How and when do I utilize them?
How have they served me in the past?
Is it time to let them go?
Abandon Judgments
Generous
Interpretation
Parallel Universe
Thinking
“The more afraid we
are, the more certain
we become.” Brene Brown
Listening Practice!!!!
Pay attention during this
exercise!
Utilize your frontal lobe.
Be a witness to yourself.
Listen for the Wisdom/Truth
What can you affirm?
Again:
Generous Interpretation
Parallel Universe Thinking
Reflect on These Quotes…
“Justice is open to
everyone in the same
way as the Ritz Hotel.”
“The
law, in its majestic
equality, forbids the
rich as well as the poor
to sleep under bridges,
to beg in the streets,
and to steal bread.”
Anatole France (Jacques
Anatole François Thibault), The
Red Lily, 1894

Reflect on these quotes:
What, if anything:




Inspires you
Surprises you
Challenges you,
creates resistance in
you
Makes you emotional,
or evokes your
compassion

Justice is open to
everyone in the
same way as the
Ritz Hotel.
The law, in its
majestic equality,
forbids the rich as
well as the poor to
sleep under
bridges, to beg in
the streets, and to
steal bread. Anatole
France (Jacques Anatole François
Thibault), The Red Lily, 1894
Group Listening Process

Solitary Reflection in Silence
One person shares.
Silence

Pay Attention! Notice your process.


Second Round of Listening
Group Listening Process
Round 2

Silence

One person shares reflection.

Silence

Each listener may ask clarifying
questions of the speaker

Silence
Third Round of Listening
Strategic Questioning: Asking the
best question
What questions help clients
clarify their own issues?
Potential of Strategic Questioning
see materials for details

Greater Clarity

Greater Understanding

Surfacing of Alternatives

Improved Outcomes
• Compliance

Empowerment
Strategic Questioning
Question Categories
Strategic Questioning : An Experiment in Communication of the Second Kind, by Fran Peavey

1. FOCUS QUESTIONS
2. OBSERVATION QUESTIONS
3. FEELING QUESTIONS
4. VISION QUESTIONS

Moving into Strategic Questions…….







5. CHANGE QUESTIONS
6. CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVES QUESTIONS
7. PERSONAL INVENTORY AND SUPPORT
QUESTIONS
8. PERSONAL ACTION STEP(S) QUESTIONS
Group Listening Process
Round 3

Silence

One person shares reflection.

Silence

Ask Strategic Questions

Silence

Group discusses the process.
AWARENESS
BEING PRESENT
INTENTIONALITY
Eight Behavioral Blocks to Effective
Communication
adapted from the work of Lenn Snyder, MEd, LCSW
See materials for
details
AWARENESS!!!!!
Default Position:
SELF Reflection, not judgment of
another
BALANCE
Cultivating a reflective, examined life…
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates
Personal Conversational Dynamics
Homework:
When reviewing this session, reflect on
your own conversational dynamics.
Which, if any, or these behaviors and
interactions do you engage in?
Are you aware of this in the conversational
moment? Have you ever reflected on
these dynamics following a conversation?
Sharon Browning , Esq
JUST Listening
26 W. Gowen Avenue
Philadelphia, PA 19119-1645
Phone: 215-840-4772
[email protected]
www.justlistening.net