Download Part Four: A Healthy Christian Marriage

A healthy Christian Marriage part four—
Reconciling Differences.
One very important aspect of marriage is learning how to work out
differences, arguments, etc.
Marriage is the most intimate relationship two human beings can
experience.
With that in mind we also know that marriage brings out the best in a
person and also, sometimes, the worst in a person.
God calls the two to become one.
Math 19:6 so they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has
joined together, man must never separate.
The spiritual union of marriage where God joins the two to become as
one is only possible when the two yield themselves to the word of God and
the indwelling work of God the Holy Spirit.
The most common problem that brings the married couple into
arguments and disputes is selfishness and being self centered.
It's seen when the married partner is totally focused on their personal needs
and disregards the needs of their spouse, this is where disagreements are
born, where they usually start.
At that point the only thing that seems to matter and takes on a largely
exaggerated view is that I want my way and if I don't get my way, I'm going
to kick and scream and cause trouble until I do get My way.
Its serious, but when you back away and a take a view at that kind of
behavior from a distance it looks a lot like a baby throwing a temper tantrum,
doesn't it?
One thing for sure, we don't see much Christian maturity in that kind of
behavior.
Let me give you a spiritual picture of how God calls the married couple into
maturity.
This also applies generally to all christians in a spiritual picture of
maturity.
Philippians 2:3-13
Verse 3. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in
lowliness of mind let each one esteem others better than himself.
Let me give you a modern translation of that verse—verse 3
You must not do only the things that you want. You should not do anything
only for the reason that it makes you seem more important than other people.
Instead, always think about what other people need. Do not think that you are
better than other people. But think about other people as better than you.
In the Christian walk we are told to be more concerned about other
peoples interests and needs that our own personal need. This is especially
true in the marriage.
The husband should always be living to please his wife and the wife should
always be living to please her husband, and the two joined as one should
always be living to please God.
Jesus set the example in this Philippians 2:8
And being found in fashion as a man he humbled himself and became
obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
What we see here is that Jesus himself was so concerned about; your eternal
well being that he was willing to give his life up so that you and I could
experience the blessings of God and eternal life.
He humbled himself—He put our interest before his interest.
He knew what it would cost him -he would be mocked, put down,
ridiculed
beaten, and nailed to a cross and suffer great pain and agony.
Even after knowing how hard it would be how much it would cost him,
he was willing to humble himself and go through with it.
In Christs example -- Men husbands are called to love their wives as
Christ loved the Church. Put your wife's interest before yours, be willing to
show humility, be willing to suffer if necessary, and even die for her.
Phil 2:4-5 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on
the things of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ
Jesus.
Wives if your goal in life is to live for God and please Him in all that you
do, then understand, in the marriage your goal is to put your husbands
happiness before yours, humble yourself and instead of being self centered
and wanting your own way, learn what makes your husband happy and what
you can do to bless his life and be the best you can be in that. For by doing so
you are fulfilling the word of God and great blessings and happiness will
follow your life.
Men- Husbands if your Goal in life is to live your life to please God
and please him in all that you do, then understand , in the marriage your goal
is to put your wives interest and happiness before yours, humble yourself and
instead of being self centered and wanting or even demanding your own way,
learn what makes your wife happy and what you can do to bless her life and
be the very best you can be at doing that.
For by doing so you are living out the example of Christs love for his
church.
Now I have given you spiritual instruction of what husbands and wife's are
to do what will keep harmony in the marriage. This is only possible when we
operate in the spirit and not in the flesh.
Humility is only possible when we yield ourselves to the control and
instruction of God the Holy Spirit that lives in us.
Operating in the flesh in the marriage –brings disharmony—
When a married couple opperate in the flesh instead of the spirit, that is
when the flesh takes over.
Self centered actions begin to rise up, I want my way, she wants her
way, and neither one is willing to yield to the other.
What results is anger, fighting, missuse of words pointed to hurt one
another. You see, nothing good comes out of operating in the flesh at all.
When we operate in the flesh in our relationships, marriage and other
relationships we will have trouble. Arguments and fights are sure to follow.
Then what we see is Anger and bitterness, hurtful words being shot out
like arrows to the heart, even threatening with the d word-divorce.
This is really demonic activity that comes straight from the pit of hell.
Christian marriages are a big target for the enemy, remember marriage is
an institution put together by God for the purpose of procreation and
witnessing Christ to the unsaved world.
When a marriage operates as God designed , Christ is seen in the marriage,
the marriage is a reflection of Christ.
A Godly Christian marriage is a very powerful and effective witness to a
lost and hurting world.
But a when a Christian couple turns back to operating in the flesh, what we
see is destruction, a train wreck waiting to happen.
Anger, bitterness, evil speaking soon follow.
Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil
speaking be put away from you with all malice.
Again I would like to give you the modern interpretation of that verse.
Do not become angry with people easily. Do not become so angry
that you cannot be kind to them. Do not quarrel or fight. Do not shout at
anyone or say bad things about them. Stop thinking bad things about
anyone.
Ha folks – people , married couples think before you speak.
Choose your words wisely.
Fact is, once you throw out hurtful words at someone, once they have
left your mouth you can't take them back.
Yes your spouse can forgive you but that doesn't mean he or she will
forget what you said, what you accused your spouse of, or what you called
your spouse in the middle of a moment of anger.
So how do we reconcile those differences, those mistakes that were
made by operating in the flesh instead of the spirit?
1. Ask for Gods forgiveness for your ungodly attitude and actions.
2. Be the first to say I'm sorry, I was wrong, please can you forgive me.
3. Ask your spouse if you can pray with them.
When you pray, pray in the spirit and not in the flesh. I'm not talking about
praying in tongues, your spiritual language, but I am talking about getting out
of the attitude of the flesh and letting the Holy Spirit take over in leading
your prayers.
Let me give you an example of a fleshly prayer that will not bring any
kind of reconciliation after an argument.
The couple gets together to pray, they bow their heads and the wife says,
“are you going to start”? The husband says, “you go ahead and start”
because he really wants the last word.
The wife starts by praying this way: “Lord you can see everything,
nothing is hidden from you. You know what the problem is and how much I
have been hurt, I ask you straighten this whole mess out and bring correction
where it needs to be. Lord, I know you know how I feel so I know you will
fix this.”
The husband then prays, “Yes, Lord, we definately have a mess here.
Please help my wife not to get so emotional over such a small thing; we
know that you have everything under control. Please show her that in time it
will all work out; and help her to stop worrying . Amen.”
That's a fleshly prayer that accomplishes nothing but more strife.
Let me give you and example of a spirit filled prayer.
The Couple comes together to pray.
The husband starts- “Lord, please help us. I have acted foolishly and have
been unkind to my wife and I have said things to hurt her. Lord, I am
ashamed of myself and I ask for your forgiveness. And Lord please put it in
my wife's heart to forgive me the wrong I have done.”
The wife - “Lord I have been selfish and not very understanding with my
husband. Please forgive me and help me to treat him like you want we to.
Heavenly Father, please show us the way and help our marriage. We are
under Spiritual attack and need your help.”
Husband - “Lord, help me to be the spiritual leader that You called me to
be. I know I have fallen short but by the power of the Holy Spirit I ask you to
strengthen me to be the man of God you called me to be by loving my wife
and family.
A moment of silence and then both say in Jesus name amen.
After the prayer the wife says, “I'm sorry” and the husband responds “so am
I, I'll try to be more of a Godly husband to you. Lets set a time before work
and share morning devotions and pray together.” “Great idea,” she says.
The devil has been overcome and defeated! Praise God!