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Darren Owen
Finding Fish
The book finding fish is an excellent recollection of Antwone Quenton Fishers life as an
orphan forced into the foster care system. The book takes the reader on the journey that is
Antwone Fishers life from childhood to adulthood. Fisher’s life is a true triumph over
unbelievable adversity. A young Fisher was able to escape and break the cycle of an
abusive environment, physical, sexual and psychological. To add to the challenges of life
as a foster child, Fisher was in a low-income home with several foster siblings. Fisher is
also an African American and is constantly referred to as “nigger” in his own home by
his foster mother.
In the first few years of baby Fisher’s life it was apparent that Antwone had an
attachment to his foster mother. “Attachment is a lasting bond that one person has with
another. Attachments begin in early infancy and are evident by 8 months, solidify by age
1, and influence a persons close relationships throughout life”. (“Stassen Berger 2010”
p.141). Antwone showed the behavior of an “insecure-resistant / ambivalent attachment;
an insecure child may be unwilling to leave the caregivers lap”. (“Stassen Berger
2010”p.143) Although the first caregiver was loving and nurturing a secure attachment
never developed according to a report from a social worker that “Antwone cannot be
lured away from his foster mother’s lap even with toys” This could explain Fishers
feelings of being an “uninvited guest” in the world as early as four years old.
At this point Fisher introduces many abusive acts perpetrated by Mrs. Picket, mental
physical and even sexual abuse. The first mention of sexual abuse involves Melinda one
of Mrs. Picket’s adult daughters. Fisher describes the act as a reoccurring dream, in
graphic detail fisher describes being forced to undress and perform a sexual act on foster
sister Melinda. This abuse continues for eight years until fisher finds his voice and stands
up to Melinda. Fisher writes about the incredible guilt he associates with this memory.
Later in the book it is suggested by a social worker that Mrs. Picket herself may be guilty
of sexual abuse by making Antwone and his foster brother expose himself everyday in
order to check if the boys were wearing underwear.
The center for disease control and prevention defines sexual abuse as “Engaging a child
in sexual acts. It includes fondling, rape, and exposing a child to other sexual activities”.
(“www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention 2010”)” Legally, child sexual abuse is any sexual
activity between a juvenile and a person over age 18”. “Developmentalists are quite clear
this may include activities beyond physical contact, such as anything that sexually
arouses an adult and shames, confuses or excites a child”. “Sexual abuse can be very
destructive of overall development, not only of sexual development”. (“Stassen Berger
2010” p.323)
The physical abuse inflicted on Antwone and his foster siblings by Mrs. Picket is mostly
implied not detailed. There is however a detailed account of Fisher being beat
unconscious by Mrs. Picket after being caught steeling money from Mrs. Picket.
Antwone was whipped with a green switch from the yard. Antwone was wiped until his
skin bled and he lost consciousness. Mrs. Picket bragged about the beating for years. A
caseworker noted in Antwone’s file, that Antwone had probably stolen the money
because he had never been given anything. The impact of the psychological and physical
abuse seems to have a different effect on Dwight and Antwone. Antwone internalized his
anger and confusion in his quiet and shy way. Antwone acts out by steeling money and
skipping school. Dwight however showed his anger on the outside, mostly through the
fights he picked with Antwone.
“According to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data system (NCANDS) in 2005 an
estimated 3.3 million reports of abuse and or neglect involving approximately six million
children were made to local child protective services (CPS) an estimated 899,000 of these
children were determined to be victims of physical abuse (UHDHHS 2007)”.
(“www.americanhumane.org”)
“Child maltreatment now refers to all intentional harm or avoidable endangerment of,
anyone under 18 years of age”. “Child abuse is deliberate action that harms a child’s
physical, emotional or sexual wellbeing; child neglect is failure to meet a child’s basic
physical, educational or emotional needs”. (“Stassen Berger 2010”p.190-191) “Physical
abuse is the use of physical force, such as hitting, kicking, hitting, burning or other show
of force against a child” (“www.cdc.gov”).
The psychological abuse endured by Fisher and his siblings is the most apparent abuse
throughout the years of living with Mrs. Picket. Mrs. Picket had verbally abused all the
children in her house. She was so verbally abusive she even verbally abused the children
in church. Included in every testimony was the phrase “pray for me and my wicked
children” also saying the children would all be with the devil. .
“Psychological maltreatment is a concerted attack by an adult on a child’s development
of self and social competence, a pattern of psychically destructive behavior to the child.
(Gaabranio, et,al 1986 as sited in Thomson and Tucci 1997)”. Emotional abuse is
systematic, patterned and chronic abuse that is used by a perpetrator to lower a victim’s
sense of self worth and power. (Mezey, post & Maxwell).”
(“www.factscourtwatch.org/Emotional-Psycological”)
In Antwone’s young life he is exposed to racism not in the way we all think of racism. A
young Fisher quickly makes the observation that the “white children are liked well by
others and teachers” What is more surprising is the racism in Antwones own house
among his own race. Antwone is a dark skinned individual. Mrs. Picket favors Keith,
Antwon's foster brother. Keith’s father is white making Keith lighter skinned with “good
hair”. Mrs. Pickets favoritism went so far that one Christmas Keith received all the gifts
wile the other children received nothing. Antwone refers to Keith as the golden boy.
In middle childhood and early adolescence, Antwone is moved into Mrs. Profit’s class. I
feel this could be the most influential and positive force in Antoine’s young life. Fisher
describes Mrs. Profit as “the closest thing to a mother I have ever known”. Mrs. Profit
was, “fair and treated everyone special”. Mrs. Profit had the ability to instill the selfesteem and created an environment were Antwone was able to develop his self-concept.
Mrs. Profit encouraged rather than condemned, spoke with honest caring words, and
created an environment of equality among the children.
“Self esteem- a persons evaluation of his or her own self worth, either in specifics (e.g.
Intelligence, attractiveness) or in general”. (“Stassen Berger”p.198) “ Self concept a
persons understanding of who he or she is incorporating self esteem, physical appearance,
personality and various personal traits, such as gender and size”. (“Stassen Burger”p.198)
Mrs. Profit was also able to guide the children through the confusing time of puberty and
male female interactions through hygiene education, empathy and classroom structure
(tables not rows and boy girl seating arrangement). Mrs. Profits teaching helps Antwone
develop confidence self image and pride even a developing sense of style. Antwone also
makes the connection between sex and romance. Although unstable at times we see
Antwone carry this confidence and these lessons into adulthood.
After being kicked out of the Pickets home Antwone was introduced new caseworker
Miss. Niece, she showed concern and interest for what was important to Antwone. Miss
Niece treated Antwone like a man giving him aftershave and encouraging his choice in
picking out his own clothing. She also recognized and recorded in Antwone’s file that he
was a “walking pressure cooker and could explode in an unsupported environment”. Miss
Niece recommends therapy. Miss Niece also makes the connection between Antwone and
his family. Offering the threads that connect Antwone to his mother and father. For a
short time Antwone is able to stay at the orphanage were he lived as a baby. In the
orphanage Antwone is exposed to racism as we think of it from the “white world”. A
young white boy makes a comment about bringing “niggers” over here to work.
Racism defined, 1. “A belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various
human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that
ones race is superior and has the right to rule others”. 2. “A policy, system of
government, ect. Based upon fostering such a doctrine; discrimination”. 3. “Hatred or
intolerance of another race or races”. (“dictionary.refrance.com/browse/racism”)
Antwone was moved to an intuition for boys who had criminal past. At George Junior
Bill Ward is assigned to Antwone. Bill encourages Antwone to make a plan for his life.
Here Antwone decides he needs to take responsibility for his life and sets his list of rules
to live by.
At this point Fisher is 17 years old and finds himself homeless in Cleveland due to the
fact that he is to “emotionally damaged” to take the foster home he is offered. Antwone
feels he was homeless all the years in the Picket home.
“In extensive interviews with 50 homeless adolescents in Santa Clara and San Mateo
counties last year, only 48 percent said they used sheltered or drop-in centers”. “The
remaining 52 percent were a hidden population, so afraid they would be sent home or
placed in a foster care that they shunned all contact with service providers and what they
viewed as the authoritarian adult world” “ I would rather be homeless,” one teen said.
“It’s cold and miserable on the streets but its better than being beaten up by parents that
don’t care”. ("news.stanford.edu/pr/91”)
Due to the need for protection on the streets Antwone falls into the criminal world for a
short time. The involvement in the criminal world cost Antwone an incredible beating.
Fisher now enters the army. Antwone feels this is a good place for him because the army
suppresses individuality for Antwone he has always had to suppress his individuality.
In the army Antwone enjoys the feeling of sameness with the other men and at the same
time Antwone feels personal pride in his achievements in the army and wishes the people
from his past could see him now. In the army Antwone acquires many skills and learns
many life lessens. The army offered Antwone friendship, family and education. After
more than a decade in the army
Fisher leaves the army to take a job as a correctional officer. When taking the job the
question of Antwon's next of kin was raised. After a three-year stay at “Terminal Island”
Antwone moves to a job at Sony pictures.
Antwone starts making inquires about his mother and finds nothing. By refocusing his
search he is able to find his fathers family the Elkins. Making contact with the Elkins was
eye opening for Antwone. “I come from some ware and I have found my next of kin” He
is informed of the circumstances of Edward Elkins tragic death from a gunshot from his
child’s mother. Antwone can see the sadness and grief still felt by the Elkins family due
to the loss of Edward. Antwone is informed of some of his father’s traits such as his love
for music, ability to write poetry, intelligence, good looks even talking under his breath
as he walked away from people. These are all traits that Antwone possess. It is also
suggested that Antwone's grandfather also shared these traits and felt “knowlege is
power”. The similarity in the traits these three relatives seem to suggest the strong
influence of genetics. Although Antwone experienced very little nurturing in childhood
the genetic influences are apparent in some of the activities that probably helped
Antwone cope with his environment (reading, writing and music).
“The nature vs. nurture issue has been around for ages, and scholars have still not
concluded which of the two has a greater effect on a person. Nature referring to heredity,
and nurture referring to the environment, are two very reasonable explanations to why we
are the people we are today. This debate over whether nature or nurture has a bigger
effect on us has been argued and supported by both sides. Each side stresses very
important details and good explanations for why nature or nurture controls how we
develop. Experimentation and research has been conducted on these two sides, and each
is supported with good theories as to why nature or nurture is the important influence on
us”. (“www.berkeley.edu/ne/24”)
The meetings with his mother reveled that Eva; Antwone's mother had been product of
her environment. Eva was also a product of a dysfunctional life that she could not escape.
Antwone seemed to recognize that as hard as his life had been his mothers had been more
difficult.
After finding his family Antwone requested time off to meet his family. After hearing
Antwon’s story his boss told executives at Sony the story and soon Antwone had an offer
to write his biography as a screenplay.
Fishers book was entertaining, what I find astonishing is Fisher’s ability to overcome all
of the challenges of being in the foster care system for eighteen years. In Antwon’s young
life he over came more two -dozen social workers and an abusive low-income home with
no connection to his family. Some of his success may be due to genetics (Talents and
intelligence). At important points in Fishers life caring teachers, and social workers and
superiors in the army positively influenced Antwone. Although nit consistent or
permanent I believe these positive influences played a large role in Fishers success as an
adult. Fisher had the ability to overcome all the negative influences around him. Fisher is
now a successful screenplay writer, author, husband and father.
Bibliography
American Humane Assocation. Child Physical Abuse.
www.americanhumane.org/child
Emotional/Psychological Abuse Fact Sheet
www.factscourtwatch.org/Emotional-Psycological
Guirguis Shady. Nature vs. Nurture.
www.berkley.edu/ne/24
Racism Definition
www.dictionary.refrance.com/browse/racism
Stanford University “study sheds light on hidden population of homeless teens”
www.news.stanford.edu/pr/91
Stassen Berger “Invitation to the Life Span” Worth Publishers, 2010
Us department of Health and Human Services. “child maltreatment”
www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention