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Truth in Marriage
Week 16 and 17 – Sexual Purity
Index Card Question:
If you could get your spouse to change one thing to enhance intimacy (physical and/or
emotional), what would it be?
Introduction:
During Week 2's lesson, we learned that sex has a special place within the Marriage
Covenant. Next week, we will explore this topic in greater detail, learning how God uses
this gift to create incredible Oneness within marriage. Before we can begin that journey,
we must first deal with the barriers that keep us from being able to make that journey.
The largest of these barriers is sexual immorality. It is impossible for a couple to
experience true Oneness with each other or with God as long as sexual immorality exists
within them. Therefore, we must rid our lives of this cancer. This will require us to take
a stern look at our past and present behaviors, attitudes, and motives. Also, we will have
to face our sin head on in order to finally kill these issues and discover the bliss that
God's intends for us to enjoy within our marriages. Take a look at the statics listed at the
end of this lesson in Appendix I to get an idea of how rampant sexual sin is in America
today. Let's get started.
What is so Important About Sexual Immorality?
If you remember back to Week 3, we found that sexual sin is different from all the other
sin in our lives.
1 Corinthians 6:15-20 (NKJV)
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the
members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! 16 Or do
you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the
two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.”[b] 17 But he who is joined to the Lord is
one spirit with Him.
18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he
who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not
know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you
have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price;
therefore glorify God in your body[c] and in your spirit, which are God’s.
Sexual sin is committed directly against the Holy Spirit within us. The “mysterious”
power of sex was created by God to join two into one. It is intended to join the husband
and wife and God. But when sexual immorality enters into the mix, we try to join the
Holy Spirit with Sin, and this simply cannot happen. Therefore, the Spirit is driven away
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and we are separated in a violent manner from God and from each other. God says to
flee sexual immorality! Sexual immorality results in a horrible spiritual, emotional, and
sometime physical death.
What is Sexual Immorality?
In order for us to address the sexual morality within our lives, we must first be able to
recognize it. Given the over-sexed nature of our culture, this is no easy task. We have
become numb in many cases to the subtle seductions of the evil one. The institution of
Holy Sex has been perverted so badly that we can scarcely distinguish sin from what is
God given desire. It is perhaps more helpful in this pursuit to come at the topic from the
reverse side. Instead of asking, what is sexual immorality, we'll ask what is sexual
purity?
So what can we say for sure about God's pure sense of sex? First, it is a gift from God
that is meant to create Oneness and is to be enjoyed as a celebration. Second, God has
established the bounds of sex to be within marriage only. Therefore, sexual purity, in its
simplest definition, is not obtaining sexual gratification from anyone or anything other
than one's own spouse. The converse then is true. Sexual Immorality is obtaining sexual
gratification by any means other than one's spouse. Now that we have a definition, let's
look at how to apply it.
Sorting out Sexual Immorality
As with any question, the answers we seek are contained within God's Word. Therefore,
we will approach sexual purity in the same manner. As you dissect the aspects of your
life, you need a standard by which to grade them. We will ask the following three steps
in order to determine if an act, behavior, or attitude is sexually pure – or not.
1) Is the act, behavior, or attitude explicitly addressed within scripture?
2) Does the act, behavior, or attitude comply with the general themes of scripture?
3) Does the act, behavior, or attitude edify?
Now let's discuss these questions in more detail. First, is there a specific scriptural
address? Many issues that we encounter within our daily lives are addressed directly in
scripture. Sex is no exception. You have but to do a quick search on a site like
www.BibleGateway.com to find dozens of verses that directly address sexual immorality.
Many items God will spell out to the letter if a sexual act is sinful, allowed, or
encouraged. Still, the Bible does not address everything specifically. Some issues are
alluded to. Still other issues are not spoken of at all. For the vague or silent topics, we
most look further using the second question.
The second question looks at the issue in light of Scripture as a whole. There are several
key themes that run throughout God's Word. Some examples of these would be to
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Glorify God, dying to self, servant hood, love, patients, forgiveness, restoration, etc.
Many times, the vague references found in Scripture become clear when held against the
bigger picture. Often, God teaches us the concept of His love and Will and then allows
us to apply it in order for us to mature in our relationship with Him. Yet, there are some
topics that are no clearer after the second question and there still doesn't seem to be a
concrete answer. For these, we must ask the third question.
Question three deals with the influence of our actions on others and ourselves. If
Scripture in detail or general does not address an issue, then it is by default allowed.
However, we can still sin if that action affects others in a negative way. The following
two passages help illustrate this concept:
Romans 14:19-21 (NKJV)
19 Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by
which one may edify another. 20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of
food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense.
21 It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your
brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.[a]
1 Corinthians 8:9
But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those
who are weak.
In these two passages, Paul is dealing with the issue of Christians eating meat sacrificed
to idols. Paul makes it clear that eating the meat is not a sin because a Christian knows
Who the One True God is and therefore knows these other “gods” to be but foolishness.
However, if this act causes another, who is weaker, to stumble, then eating the meat
would be a sin. God calls us to edify each other. Likewise, God calls each spouse to act
in ways that edify the other within the context of sex as well.
An Issue of the Heart
One of the most convicting passages of Scripture to me is Matthew 5:21-29. In this
passage, Jesus tells us that if we have within our heart the beginnings of an act of sin,
then we have in God's eyes already fulfilled it.
Matthew 5:21-29 (NKJV)
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and
whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that
whoever is angry with his brother without a cause[b] shall be in danger of the
judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the
council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. 23
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother
has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your
way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25
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Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your
adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you
be thrown into prison. 26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of
there till you have paid the last penny.
27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old,[c] ‘You shall not commit
adultery.’[d] 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has
already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you
to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one
of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
We see very clearly in this passage that to God, hate is no different than murder. And
likewise, lust for a husband or wife is adultery. In this text we also see that adultery is
such an offense to God that the mere looking at of a woman in lust is grounds for
plucking out your own eye to prevent you from sinning! But let's take this a step further.
We have already learned that the One Flesh relationship and therefore sex is physical,
emotional, and spiritual. Therefore, if it is adultery for a husband to look lustfully at
another woman with his eyes, it is also adultery for a wife to desire to give herself
emotionally to another man. These are both adulteries of the heart. Men are more
visually stimulated sexually and therefore are more prone to visual adultery. Women are
more emotionally stimulated sexually and therefore are more prone to emotional adultery.
But, men and women can both commit either of these adulteries of the heart. Even
though neither of physical adultery, in God's eyes, they are adultery all the same!
We must pause a moment here to state something that may not be obvious. We each are
solely responsible for our own sin. No one “causes” us to sin. Sin is a choice that each
one of us makes for ourselves and we are completely responsible for that choice. That
being said, we are also held responsible by God for our influence upon others that
encourage them to fall prey to sin. We don't cause sin, but we can make it harder for our
brothers and sisters to resist sin and God holds us personally responsible for this.
Remember Paul's warnings above? Therefore husbands, if you starve your wife
emotionally and she sins, it is her sin. But you are likewise guilty of your own sin in that
your actions did not edify and became a stumbling block for your wife. Likewise wives,
if you starve your husbands physically and he sins, it is his sin. But you too are then
guilty of being a stumbling block for him. We will discuss this topic in more detail next
week.
Dealing with Past Sexual Immorality
God talks about sex more than any other subject in Scripture. When God speaks of
Israel's unfaithfulness, He uses the language of adultery and harlotry. Sex is a big deal
with God. We have learned in past weeks that all sin has consequences. Therefore, if
sexual immorality is such a big deal, we can logically assume that the consequences of
sexual immorality are severe. When we look at the out come of the lives touched by
sexual immorality, we see the truth of it. Sexual sin hurts relationships down to the soul.
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Those that have sinned in this area can tell you that the pain it causes is unbelievable and
it takes years to recover from once they started down that road. But, these sins must be
dealt with before Oneness can be achieved. Why? Well, we have covered God's reasons,
but here is a practical one that works well with your children and non-believers too. Sex
outside of marriage destroys the very foundation of trust. If you have violated the
sanctity of God at such a basic level, how can you ever be trusted with another's heart?
This is not only true with adultery, but also with fornication. How will your spouse ever
be able to be secure and know that in those most intimate and vulnerable moments that
you are with them and not someone or something else from your past? Even if your
sexual sin was committed outside of marriage only with the person you eventually
married, the question still tugs at the back of their mind. How can I ever fully trust them?
How can I ever fully give myself to them? And therefore, how will you ever be able to
experience full intimacy with your spouse, or with God? The answer – you can't.
Freed from Sexual Sin
How do you recover from sexual sin? The answer – the same way you recover from any
sin. You repent and ask forgiveness – first with God, then with those you sinned against.
Finally marrying the woman that you had been sleeping with did not all of a sudden make
that sin go away. That un-confessed sin is still there and must be repented for
specifically. Isaiah 1:18 says “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD,
“Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red
like crimson, They shall be as wool. God has the ability and desire to rescue us from our
sin. All we have to do is let Him. If you will repent (turn away) from your sin and seek
the restoration of God, He will restore you – to Himself and to your spouse. But, we
have learned that forgiveness does not negate the consequences of our sin. Therefore, the
restoration process will be long and hard and both you and your spouse will suffer
through it. After all, you have become One Flesh and you suffer each other's sin.
The next step is a hard one. We must go through our life and uncover each and every
sexual sin we have committed and seek forgiveness from God. And for any of these sins
that we committed against our spouse, you must seek forgiveness from them as well.
Only through the cleansing power of God's grace and mercy can you be restored to Him
and your spouse. And only then will your spouse be able to trust you enough to give
themselves to you completely, to be completely vulnerable with you. No person can be
trusted that much, only God. Therefore, it is the Holy Spirit acting within you that is trust
worthy, not you in and of yourself.
A word of warning though, be careful when you start confessing your sins. Many people
are too quick to tell all when they are finally convicted of their sins. But instead of
confessing with a heart of remorse seeking restoration, they are more honestly just trying
to get it off their chest in hopes of feeling better. In doing so, they say more than is
prudent and instead of creating restoration, they create further separation. Here is an
example of what I mean.
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Let's say that you had several promiscuous encounters before marriage. You are
convicted of this sin. You are broken and have humbly confessed your sin to God and
sought His forgiveness. Now, you are convicted by the need to seek forgiveness from
you wife because you lied about your past and she believed you to be a virgin when you
got married. You must confess your sin in this case in order for the trust in your marriage
to be restored. If you hold on to this secret, it will only serve to separate you as you try to
“cover it up”. However, when you confess your sin, do not confess in such a way as to
allow your wife to now carry around images of your sin in her head for Satan to use
against her. Do not allow your need to “get it all out” create great strife for her in order
for you to be able to feel a “sense of relief”. By no means lie, but do not give more detail
than is helpful. Realize that your spouse may even demand details, but try to be prudent
with your confession. The details of some things are truly better left unknown. In these
situations, counseling is highly recommended. Once you say something, you can never
take it back. By no means hide your sin, but be wise enough to seek good Godly counsel
if possible.
Practical Application
Hebrews 13:4 says “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but
fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” We see from this that the marriage bed is
pure by God's design. We will learn next week of the incredible latitude God gives
spouses for enjoyment within the confines of the Marriage Covenant. However, we also
see that the marriage bed can be defiled if we allow it to be perverted and all will be
judged for their contributions to this dead. Therefore, let's take all that we have learned
today and walk through the three questions for some of the more controversial sex topics
of today.
Anal Sex:
1) What does scripture say? Romans 1:26-32 gives a good account for this topic. It
deals most specifically with homosexuality, but it makes strong reference to
giving up the natural use of the woman. But because this passage speaks
specifically about homosexuality and not anal sex itself, some argue that scripture
is silent on the issue of and therefore is permissible. So, let's apply the second
question.
2) Does the topic meet with the general themes of the Bible? The Bible has a
general theme about the enjoyment of sex between a husband and wife.
Additionally, the Bible gives considerable latitude to sexual variety within the
marriage bed. However, there is considerable detail given in the Old and New
Testament to sins of uncleanness. Anal sex is however not specifically listed in
these passages. So, let's apply the third question.
3) Does it edify? Medical evidence shows that the rectum was never intended for
this purpose. Engaging in this act puts both parties at serious health risk that
range from severe internal bleeding to life threatening bacterial infections. From
this, we see that God never intended this behavior and therefore we must conclude
that it is a perversion and is not allowed.
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Oral Sex:
1) What does scripture say? Scripture does not speak specifically about oral sex,
however there are passages in the Song of Songs that are suggestive.
2) Does it meet the general themes of the Bible? Again, Scripture gives a broad
allowance to the enjoyment of sex and oral sex is not specifically delineated in the
laws of cleanliness.
3) Does it edify? Medical research shows that these areas of the body, unless
contaminated from the rectum by poor hygiene are clean and perfectly safe to
come in contact with the mouth. It also stands to reason that kissing and suckling
are natural forms of love expression for other parts of the body, which are
specifically referenced in scripture and therefore it would be reasonable to extend
this to this area as well. However, due to the perversion of this act by the porn
industry, this act may cause anguish to your spouse. Therefore, this act may not
edify and therefore may not be prudent. This topic must be resolved at the
comfort level of the individual couple. It is neither right nor wrong based solely
on God's intentions, but rather becomes an issue of a stumbling block - which,
may or may not be removed as the marriage relationship matures.
Masturbation:
1) What does Scripture say? Masturbation is not specifically addressed in Scripture.
2) Does it meet the general themes of the Bible? Again, the general themes of the
Bible do not really address this topic, except as it is viewed as an act of
gratification outside of marriage. It is unlikely that masturbation would occur
without indulging in fantasy. If you fantasize about someone other than you wife,
then this act clearly becomes adultery or fornication. However, some might ask,
what if I fantasize about my wife? For that aspect, let's move to the third
question.
3) Does it edify? If one fantasizes about their spouse while masturbating, they are
producing a false picture. Additionally, the gratification that is received is not a
gift from their spouse, but is instead a selfish pursuit. The need for masturbation
signals a deeper issue within the relationship itself that should be dealt with
instead. Additionally, masturbation itself alters the sense of satisfaction during
sex with your spouse, thereby robbing the intimate encounter. For these reasons,
we conclude that masturbation does not edify and would create a stumbling block
and is not allowed.
Manual Stimulation by Your Spouse
Note: This topic is being covered due to it's resemblance to masturbation.
1) What does scripture say? Scripture does not specifically speak to stimulation in
this way outside of intercourse. However, the Song of Songs has language and
allusions to acts of this nature riddled throughout it.
2) Does it meet with the general themes of the Bible? Again, the Bible gives great
latitude to the enjoyment of the marital bed. There are no other themes that
contradict this topic, other than possible selfishness.
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3) Does it edify? Science has proven the incredible benefits to simple touch as a
means of nurturing connection and health. There are no issues of cleanliness
involved. This act is one that is a gift of pleasure by one spouse to be enjoyed by
the other. The act draws the couple together naturally and tends to heighten the
other aspects of intimacy. There are some rare instances where the frequent use
of manual stimulation in conjunction with the absence of other forms of
intercourse results in a hindrance to intercourse and orgasm. Therefore, we can
conclude that in general, manual stimulation is a natural and enjoyable part of
God's sexual gift. However, if an unhealthy pattern is created, adjustments must
be made by the couple. I would also like to make one qualifying statement here
as well. This discussion was not talking about the use of sex toys. These devises
are unnatural and result in the distortion of the natural sensation and therefore
enjoyment of sex between a husband and a wife. Their use quickly leads to a
relationship of diminishing returns and perverts the act of marital sex.
Unfortunately, this act has seen increased popularity in recent years and is
running rampant even within the church and has greater long term implications
that most can imagine. Steer clear!
Provocative Dress
The subject of sexual purity would not be complete without a discussion on appropriate
dress. This is a topic that carries much debate, especially between parents and children.
However, the trend in America has been for dress to become excessive with regards to
this topic. The provocative nature of clothing has become so common place that it is
difficult to be able to draw clear lines on what is reasonable and righteous, and what is
not. For this topic, we will use our three question approach as above.
1)
What does Scripture say? There are several references to being “exposed” within
Scripture. In Leviticus, where God gives the rules of engagement for worship within the
tabernacle, God even specifies that the priest where “pants” so as not to expose
themselves when they ascend to the altar. The preclusion to public “nakedness” is solid,
but the question remains as to what dress, short of nakedness, is appropriate in God’s
eyes. Let’s try the second question.
2)
Does it meet the general themes of the Bible? As we stated above, the Bible says
that you should cover yourself and not expose your nakedness. However, the Bible does
not define the limits of “nakedness”. The general themes of the Bible revolve around the
natural beauty of the body, reserving the naked body for the sanctity of marriage, and not
enticing others to sin. A broad look at Scripture points to this issue as an issue of the
heart, more than an issue of the eyes. We know that from culture to culture and century
to century, what is seen as provocative changes. But, the condition of the heart is
independent of time and location.
3)
Does it edify? This question really begs to know the motive behind the dress.
Women and men alike desire to be attractive. Although, the drive to be attractive is far
more defining physically for a woman. The edifying question can then be modified into
two questions of intent. Who are you trying to attract? Why are you trying to attract
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them? If you are married, then it would be sinful for you to intentionally “attract” anyone
other than your spouse. However, if in your attempts to attract your spouse, you also
knowingly attract others, you have made yourself into a stumbling block. It is not a bad
thing to want to look “good”. That is a quality to celebrate. But overly sexual attraction
between a man and women from a visual nature is reserved by God for the privacy of the
bedroom, not public. Many men encourage their wives to dress provocatively because
they enjoy the sight and there is nothing sinful about this. However, when you then take
this into the public view, you are now encouraging other men to lust after your wife and
that is sinful. The second question is one of motive. Why do you need to attract? Even
if you are in a dating environment, you want to make sure you attract the opposite sex for
the right reasons. If your dress is all about putting the physical you on display, you will
naturally attract people who are primarily drawn to the physical. I’m not saying people
should not dress nice, quite the contrary. But your dress should be one that displays
character drawing intentional attention to body parts. Let’s face it, the clothing being
marketed to all age’s today leaves little left to the imagination and that is completely
contradictory to Scripture. If you are married and your intent is to appeal to your spouse,
then I applaud you. However, wisdom and maturity would dictate that those encounters
be of a private nature, not public display.
If you interview people who suffer addictions to sex and pornography, you find one
alarming commonality. All of them got their start looking at advertisements. They start
with the Sunday paper adds. When these no longer satisfy, they move on to Victoria
Secrets catalogs. From there, it is but a short step to Playboy, Hustler, or the many other
publications. Or, they move to the internet. Over time, these too loose their appeal and
they take another step into harder and harder porn. They move from pictures to video,
from video to harder core perversions, from video to chat and from chat to live
encounters. It left unaddressed long enough, each one of these people end up either
having affairs, or becoming sexual predators. Sexual addiction is no different than any
other addiction, except it is harder to identify those who are suffering from it. Also, it is
harder to self treat than crack cocaine – it is just as addictive, much more readily
available, to large extent socially acceptable, and free of charge.
For more help with determining what is and is not appropriate dress, see Fashioned By
Faith by: Rachel Carter in the Extra Material section. Rachel was on her way to being a
Super Model when she was saved. She allowed God to use her to bring Faith to an
otherwise faithless occupation. She had to make some hard decisions on her path and
God has blessed her for it. You see, it is impossible to reach Super Model status if you
will not pose nude. But Rachel was compelled to be much more limiting than just not
modeling nude. She outlines her strategies and reasons in her book. It is a great resource
of moms and daughters alike.
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Dealing With Temptation
Sexual temptation, whether it be physical, emotion, or visual is hard to resist. In order to
be affective at resisting these temptations, we must set up absolute and conservative
boundaries that we never cross. We must ponder and establish the reaction to as many
situations as possible and then react without question when the time comes. For this
lesson, I focused primarily on women being tempted emotionally and men being tempted
visually. However, either gender can be tempted both ways. A man walking around
without a shirt on can produce just as strong of desire in a woman as a man would have if
the roles were reversed. The same thing goes with emotions. Men can be easily drawn
emotionally to a woman who “needs” him for who he is. Proverbs 5, says “the lips of the
immoral woman drip honey”. Both spouses must be on the guard for temptation and
ready to act.
So, what is the appropriate response to temptation? 1 Corinthians 6:18 has already given
us the answer – FLEE!! At the first hint of temptation, get away. This may mean
looking away if the temptation is visual (bouncing the eyes). It may mean literally
fleeing the presence of a person if it is emotional or becoming physical. Sexual
temptation is nothing to be messed with. It turns ugly fast. Then, confess. Each one of
us needs at least one other person in our lives that we can confess anything to and not be
judged for it, who will pray for us, and yet not let us off the hook. We all need an
accountability partner. Find one – now! That one person could mean the difference
between a brief encounter with trouble and a moment of weakness that could cost you
everything you value in your life. Additionally, don’t allow yourself to be put into
situations that entice trouble. Paul says that there should not even be a hint of sexual
immorality among us. Satan is waiting to tempt you. Once you take that first step, you’ll
take each additional step easier and quicker. Stop at the first hint and flee! This is not a
fear driven reaction – this is prudent judgment and prevention. The stakes are too high,
don’t take a chance. Appendix II gives the diary entries of a women who allowed her
emotions to drift away and then dwelled on them. This is an excellent illustration of how
seemingly innocent indulgences can quickly lead to adultery, especially if your marriage
is taxed.
The Cost of Sexual Immorality
What is the cost of sexual immorality? Ultimately, it is separation and imprisonment.
Sexual immorality, more so than all other sin, separates us from one another and from
God. It builds barriers and walls that we usually don’t even recognize exist. It robs us of
an intimacy and joy with each other and with God that we often don’t even realize can
exist. It’s not until we face our immorality and drive it from our lives that we finally see
what has been hidden from us the whole time.
The road to recovery for sexual immorality is long and hard, but well worth the trouble.
The reward on the other side of those invisible walls is greater than can be explained. It’s
a wonder so great it can only be experienced. How do you get there from where you are?
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One step at a time. This journey requires us to re-exam our lives over and over again.
We have to challenge every aspect of our lives. As we grow and progress, God opens our
eyes to the finer details of our offenses. Like an onion, we slowly and deliberated peel
away the layers. And as we get close to the core, each layer becomes more soft and
delicious.
Don’t be afraid to be radical. When you start turning away from the world and ever more
toward the Will of God, the world will turn ever more against you. The things you do
will look foolish to the lost, and because of our own lost nature, we will at first feel
ridiculous in our attempts. When you take this task to heart and really look at your life
with God’s eyes, you will find that not much of your life will remain untouched. You
will find yourself having to give up and leave behind many of the things that you
previously enjoyed. In my own life I have had to give up my music, TV, movies, cloths,
hobbies, memories, possessions, and even friendships. I have thrown away and destroyed
hundreds of dollars worth of stuff that embody the past compromises of my life. This
journey will lead you to a place where you have to make a choice between two paths.
Either you choose to devote your life to Honor and Glory God with all that you are and
do, or you choose to live with the separation that comes from a life of compromise.
Which one are you going to choose? Will you devote yourself to the extremely hard
work ahead so that you may receive the unbelievable reward that God has prepared for
us? I speak not just of our eventual reward in heaven, but also the unbelievable reward
that He has prepared for us here and now through the emotional, physical, and spiritual
intimacy the gift of sex offers. Do you want to experience an intimacy so great that you
literally cannot tell where you end and your spouse begins, or where you end and God
begins. God has made the offer, will you take it?
Wrapping it up:
Sex is a true gift from God within the Marriage Covenant. However, sexual immorality
can turn this gift into a lethal curse. Great care must be taken to guard our hearts,
emotions, eyes, and bodies from this horrible trap. Here is a good Rule of Thumb that
even works well with children – If you wouldn't do it to your sister or your mother, then
you probably shouldn't be doing it to someone other than your spouse.
For those of us who have already made errors in this area, there is incredible hope and
healing available through the Blood of Jesus Christ. The payment for all our sins was
paid on the Cross. There is no sin too great to be forgiven, nor is it possible to stray too
far to be reconciled to God or your spouse. But, these wounds are deep and the
consequences are severe. It will take lots of time, patients, and deliberate effort to restore
your marriage bed to a white as snow status. However, God's promises are absolute and
He promises that if we will seek Him with all our heart, He will fully restore us.
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Extra material
Scripture:
Leviticus 18:1- Laws of Sexual Morality
Romans 1:26-32 – Sexual Immorality viewed by God
Deuteronomy 22 – Punishment of Sexual Immorality
Proverbs 5 & 7 – Sexual Temptation
Focus on the Family Podcasts:
January 23-25, 2012
Mark and Grace Driscoll
Coming to Faith with Grace
Sin’s Impact on Marriage
My Lover, My Friend
February 13-15, 2012
Chris and Cindy Beall
Caught in a Web of Deception
Finding Forgiveness and Restoration
Touched by God’s Healing
January 9-11, 2012
Rachel Lee Carter
God is my Agent
Beauty more than skin deep
A chance to shine
May 21, 2012
Samuel and Stephanie Rainey
Keeping the Kiss: Samuel and Stephanie's Story
http://www.familylife.com/audio/topics/parenting/ages-and-stages/tweens/thenew-passport-to-purity/20120521-keeping-the-kiss
Books
Fashioned By Faith
By: Rachel Carter
Thomas Nelson / 2011 / Paperback
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Every Day for Every Man: 365 Readings for Those Engaged in the Battle
By: Stephen Arterburn
More in Every Man Series
Random House, Inc / 2005 / Imitation Leather
Intimate Issues: Conversations Woman-to-Woman
By: Linda Dillow
WaterBrook Press / 2009 / Paperback
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Appendix I
1. Pornography use:
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60% of males over 12 years of age in the last 3 days have viewed pornography,
47% of women in the church admit to using
$97 billion dollar market World Wide, $13.3Billion in the US, $3 billion on child
porn in the US)
Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old
Largest consumer of Internet pornography is the 35 - 49 age group
80% of 15-17 year olds have had multiple hard-core exposures
90% of 8-16 year olds having viewed porn online (most while doing homework)
12% of all websites on the internet are pornography
There are 116,000 searches for “child pornography” every day!
20% of men and 13% of women admit to view pornography while at work
35% of all internet downloads are pornography
2. Average age for engaging in sexual relationships – 14-15 yrs old (Statistics show
this is quickly moving toward 12 yrs)
3. Incident rate of teen STD
 An estimated 8,300 young people aged 13–24 years in the 40 states reporting to
CDC had HIV infection in 2009
 Nearly half of the 19 million new STDs each year are among young people aged
15–24 years of age
 More than 400,000 teen girls aged 15–19 years gave birth in 2009
4. Sexual Abuse – 1 in 3 (clinical definition, almost 100% by Biblical definition)
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Appendix II
An exert from Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, Chapter Nine – I'm
Attracted to Another Man! Help?
Shelly's Diary Entries
May 4: Dan is so considerate. Yesterday, as I was walking out of church, he held the
door open for me and told me how nice I looked. I can't remember the last time Richard
told me I looked pretty.
May 15: Richard and I hired Dan to remodel our basement. It will be great having a man
around the house who can fix things! I find myself looking forward to his visits.
May 20: Dan is having problems with his daughter. I offered some advice, and he was
so grateful he gave me a hug. I wanted to hug him back, but I didn't. I'd never do
anything to jeopardize my marriage to Richard. Still, it felt good to be appreciated. I
often replay that moment in my mind.
June 1: Dan and I are going to lunch today to finalize details on the basement. I feel like
a giddy schoolgirl! I've tried on ten different outfits and put on extra perfume. I keep
telling myself it's not big deal, it's just business. But while we talked about bathroom
fixtures and electrical outlets, I get to look into those laughing brown eyes. Dan has great
eyes.
June 2: Yesterday during lunch, the cheesecake took me by surprise. Offering him a bite
of mine seemed harmless, but the moment he tasted it, our eyes locked and ZAP! A
million volts of electricity surged between us. Neither of us said anything but we both
knew something was different. We had crossed some unseen line and can never go back
to just being friends.
June 4: I'm jittery and jumpy. Each time the phone rings, I hope it's Dan. When a car
drives by, I look out the window to see if it's he. I'm filled with longing, and it is not for
my husband! Help, God! I know this is wrong, but I don't want it to stop.
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