Download Biblical Femininity Defined, Part I

Class 3: Biblical Masculinity (Pt. 2) and Biblical Femininity (Pt. 1)
 Greeting…Prayer…1) Review / conclude discussion of biblical masculinity; 2) Begin discussion of biblical femininity
Last week, we saw a biblical portrait of biblical masculinity:
Gen. 1:26-28: Man and woman created in God’s image…Same value, dignity, honor, worth…Different roles, respon.
Gen. 2:7-8: Man created 1st…significant b/c in Genesis and elsewhere used as proof for male leadership 1 Tim. 2:12-13
Gen. 2:15-24: Man put in Eden to work and to keep (as stewards of God’s creation) & given commands (obey, teach)
Gen 3:6-9: See that when God came to Adam and Eve after the fall God spoke to the man b/c Adam responsible
Luke 22:24-30: Jesus teaches that men are created to be servants who do not Lord their authority
Eph. 5:25-30: Husbands should love their wives through sacrificial, Christ-like love
1 Tim. 5:2-4: Men should always relate to other men and women with honor, respect and purity
1 Pet 3:7: Husbands should give respect to their wives knowing they are fellow heirs of grace
The Bible Contrasts Two Men…
 The 1st Adam was created to steward God’s creation, to provide leadership for Eve, obey the commands of God.
 The 2nd Adam (Jesus) was the perfect man who served sacrificially, used authority for good, laid down His life for
His bride and fully obeyed the commands of God and now empowers us to do the same.
 Jesus perfectly displays biblical masculinity where Adam, no matter how much he could bench press or how much
money he made fell far short of the bible’s portrait of masculinity.
Following this we began to examine a definition of biblical masculinity that comes from Recovering Biblical Manhood
and Womanhood (Piper and Grudem, ch. 1, pg. 35)
The essence of biblical masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in
ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships.
“. . . A SENSE OF . . .” [men, regardless of circumstances, have a sense or a conscious awareness of their God given
responsibility as a man to lead, love and honor women…this is what men know they are to do]
“. . . BENEVOLENT RESPONSIBILITY…” [as men we have a duty, an obligation, a stewardship from God to use
the authority He has entrusted to us for the good of others…men are to be servant leaders who focus on helping others
rather using others and promoting personal benefit…in relationships with women in particular, men must not be
arrogant, condescending, patronizing, demeaning, rather we show honor, appreciation, respect and tender care]
“. . . TO LEAD . . .” In the Scriptures, we see that the man is called to lead. God gave Adam the commands with the
expectation that he would give them to Eve and lead her in obedience and worship. Husbands are called the head of
their wives. Men are entrusted with the roles of pastor and elder in the church. To be a man, is to lead. To help us think
more about this part of biblical masculinity, we’re going to examine 3 statements intended to clarify biblical leadership.
1. Biblical masculinity expresses itself not in the demand to be served, but in the strength to serve and to sacrifice for
the good of woman.
Illustr: husband in a counseling session who said to his wife “you need to listen to me and do what I say because
I’m the husband and you are the woman.” Needless to say he and I had a corrective discussion. He had a wrong idea
about what the Bible meant for him to have authority over his wife.
Think again of Jesus’ words in Luke 22 “Let the greatest among you become as the youngest and the leader as one
who serves.” Biblical leadership is not about some kind of authoritarian strong hand, instead its about an attitude of
love and service that seeks to lead toward the goal of holiness and love of God.
Think about Ephesians 5:23, 25 where Paul said “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her, to make her holy” (Ephesians 5:23, 25). Through His death, Jesus led his bride, the church, toward
holiness and purity. Biblical leadership is servant leadership.
2. Biblical masculinity does not have to initiate every action, but feels the responsibility to provide a general pattern
of initiative.
For single men, this means that biblical masculinity is showed by taking the initiative in your friendships or with
roommates to ensure that God is honored in your home. You may not be the one who always takes the lead, but you
should always be aware of the responsibility you have as a man. If you have roommates, you should ensure that no one
is watching pornography or that crude jokes about women aren’t allowed or that you aren’t wasting all your time.
Same kind of thing for men who are married. Husbands don’t need to do all the thinking or planning, but he takes
overall responsibility for the spiritual direction of his family. There will certainly be times where the wife will initiate
and oversee various areas, but the general tone of the home should be sustained by the husband.
It’s the husband’s responsibility to ensure that his family is getting to church. It’s his job to make sure that the
family is praying and doing devotions. It’s his job to make sure that the family is using their money in a way that
honors God. Of course the wife can initiate discussion and planning, but if the family never reads the Bible or prays
together, God holds the man responsible. If the children are disrespectful and disobedient, the primary responsibility
lies with the father, not his wife. Men are supposed to feel this responsibility to initiate.
3. Biblical masculinity accepts the burden of the final say in leadership, but humbly uses his authority to serve those
he leads.
Men have been given authority by God to lead. This is a good thing. At the same time, men must be careful to avoid
the 2 extremes that often come with their authority…the first extreme is for a man to be over-bearing in their
leadership. This means he only gets his way and never listens to other’s ideas. The other extreme is for a man is
passive. This means that he rarely makes decisions other than when it’s time to go to the bathroom. It means that he
never gives direction…instead, he sits back and just lets the family decide what they think is best. Both of those
extremes are sinful and go against the biblical model of leadership and authority.
In marriage and the family, decision-making is ultimately led by the husband. He’s the one who has to answer to
God for the direction of the family, so he must be aware of and embrace the responsibility the Lord has given. He must
realize that God has given him authority to use wisely and courageously for the glory of God and the good of his family.
This takes courage by the man to make that decision and courage by the woman to trust her husband, and ultimately to
trust God to work through her husband.
Now, does this mean that a husband should always make all the decisions all by himself? No…that would be dumb.
God has given the man a helper in his wife. So, I know that in my home, God has called me to be the head of my wife
and head of my family…but I’m under no illusion that I’ve got it all figured out. Illustration: mission trip.
Husband and wife should both recognize that God has given authority and that in the end the decision rests on the
man, but they should both recognize that they’re a team that should work together. This means that a husband should
regularly seek input from his wife and will often adopt her ideas. I would even argue that if it’s a matter of mere
preference (not where a moral or spiritual issue is at stake), a husband should seek to love and please his wife and
family by not defending his preferences for their own sake. Rambo vs Chic-flic?
This aspect of biblical masculinity transfers to other contexts of leadership outside of marriage as well. Whether in
ministry or at work or wherever, a biblical leader understands that servant leadership means he does not jealously guard
his own preferences where it’s not substantively necessary. To lead is to serve, and to serve is to encourage so far as
that is possible. Responsibility to lead is one thing, desire to dominate is something else entirely.
“. . . PROVIDE FOR . . .”
In 1 Timothy 5:8 we find a very strong statement about the need for a man to provide for one’s family “but if
anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is
worse than an unbeliever.” Men should have a clear sense of their responsibility to provide for those in need. It could
be a son or brother or uncle or grandfather stepping up and providing financially for women relatives who need help.
The application of the principle isn’t just limited to family though. It might mean providing financial or mow the
grass for an elderly widow in the church. It might mean taking the responsibility to pay for everything on a date – or
on many dates. The idea is that where a man is able to be helpful materially in an appropriate way, he should be
sensitive to those opportunities and take the initiative to act on them.
This principle is seen most clearly in marriage. A husband should feel a responsibility to provide for his wife. This
is part of his duty as a man. That means that when there’s no bread on the table, it’s the husband who should feel the
main pressure to get it there.
Now, does that mean that a woman shouldn’t assist in supporting her family? Does it mean that a wife should never
work and help to provide along with her husband? No. As we’ll talk about more in the future, wives have this freedom
depending on the circumstances. One example is the woman in Proverbs 31 who uses her abilities to provide for her
family both inside the home and outside of it. And there may even be cases where the wife may have to do it all – like
if the husband is sick or injured.
Even if those cases though, the husband will still have the sense of responsibility to provide. And if the husband is
able to work but just chooses not to and is lazy or foolish…he needs to know that goes in direct opposition to the way
God made him to live. Illustr: Rusty… he was home while his wife had 2 jobs.
That may be an extreme case, but it helps us to reconsider the responsibilities laid out in Genesis 2. The point of
that text is not to define limits for what else the man and the woman might do. But it does suggest that operating in a
situation where the man is at home and the woman is at work is a significant reversal of the roles God gave in the
garden. Supporting the family materially is primarily the responsibility of the husband. Caring for the children is
primarily the responsibility of the wife.
“. . . PROTECT . . .”
Illustration: last night Eden came down the stairs and was scared because she said there was a bird in her
room…so I got up, went upstairs and told her I’d protect you…feather earrings. Silly, but I want my daughter to know
what she should expect from a man and I have the responsibility to protect her.
To take the principle a little further, let’s say a man and a woman (his wife, or sister or total stranger) are
walking along the street and someone comes up and threatens them, what should the man do? Should he stand behind
the woman? No…biblical masculinity senses a natural, God-given responsibility to step forward and put himself
between the threat and the woman. Why? Because men sacrificially serve women. A man would be willing to suffer
for her safety. He has an awareness of his responsibility to protect her because he is a man and she is a woman.
The woman isn’t a coward because she is served by the man…its just the way God designed things to work. Let
me read for you a quote by John Piper, a pastor from Minnesota, “A man’s first thought is not that the woman at his
side is weak, but simply that he is a man and she is a woman. Women and children are put into the lifeboats first, not
because the men are necessarily better swimmers, but because of a deep sense of honorable fitness. It belongs to
masculinity to accept danger to protect women.”
So whether it’s protecting a lady by laying down his life or just ensuring her safety by walking her to her car or
home after church…men should always have on their minds how they should protect the ladies around them.
“. . . WOMEN . . .”
Now, when we define biblical masculinity we could point out that manhood is seen in the call that God gave to
work and keep the garden, to lead in the church, or many other realms that don’t directly relate to women…but we’ve
chosen to focus on the way men relate to women because we think it helps you to grasp the bible’s primary thrust of
what it means to be a man. Men are to lead and love women in ways that bring God glory.
So our definition includes the word “women.” Now, we didn’t use the word “wives” because a man does not
become man by getting married. Masculinity and femininity are rooted in who we are by nature. Men have a basic
sense in which they feel responsible to lead, provide and protect women in general, not just toward wives or even
relatives. Now, the way he relates to his wife, with whom he shares his heart, will be different than the way he relates
to a stranger he may hold the door for. This leads us to our last phrase.
“ . . . IN WAYS APPROPRIATE TO A MAN’S DIFFERING RELATIONSHIPS”
Men and women have all types of relationships. These different relationships bring different kinds of
responsibilities. The context of their relationships will help to determine the appropriate ways men and women relate to
each other. So, a husband and wife will have different responsibilities to each other than two single church members of
opposite sexes. An elder and a female church member will relate differently than a biological brother and sister would.
There are differing responsibilities for the way men relate to women in in business, recreation, government, friendship,
neighborhood, courtship, and engagement.
Trying to figure out exactly how to do this can be kind of confusing because we live in a culture that over
sexualizes everything and at the same time tries to erase the line between what it means to be a man or a woman.
One thing that doesn’t change in any of those relationships however is that men should always seek to have
appropriate expressions of manhood. There will be different kinds of protection, defense, and readiness to serve. There
is no specific science in this, so I encourage to prayerfully pay attention throughout this course and we can work out
specifics as we go.
So that’s our working definition of biblical masculinity: A sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for
and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships.
Now, I’m not sure how you men feel about all of this, but I’ll tell you, in preparing this lesson I was continually
convicted of ways that I have not been faithful to always lead my wife, family and this church. I suspect that most men
can relate to this.
Some of us have neglected our wives by spending too much time watching TV or working on projects or doing our
little hobbies. Some of us are prone to being lazy and passive at times. Other times I can be overbearing and harsh.
Some of us are too arrogant or domineering or belittling.
Some men who are single have acted selfishly in the way we’ve thought of women. Some have been sinfully
passive and not pursued marriage. Some of us have forgotten what it means for us to relate to our sisters in Christ with
purity. All of us have sinned and fallen short in our leadership.
This is why the Gospel is so essential…we are constantly in need of God’s grace.
Does anyone have any questions about our definition of biblical manhood before we move on to biblical womanhood?
Ok, so let’s move on to think about what the Scriptures say about biblical womanhood. The main reason we’ve
covered masculinity first is that in a real way biblical femininity is about the way a woman responds to the pattern God
has established in biblical masculinity. So as we go through these Scriptures, you’ll see how God seemingly weaves the
roles of man and woman together.
Another thing that you’ll notice is that women are often spoken of in the context of a marriage relationship. This is
because, particularly in biblical times and in those social contexts, marriage was the most familiar context in which the
virtues of femininity could be illustrated. Culturally, we’re in a different place than when the biblical authors wrote, but
that in no way changes God’s design for women and our understanding of what biblical femininity is. Being married
doesn’t make you more of a woman. We’ll see this more clearly as we work through the passages.
So let’s begin with a few selected verses from Genesis 1-3 and see what we learn about biblical femininity.
 Gen. 1:26-28: Man and woman created in God’s image…Same value, dignity, honor, worth…Different roles, respon.
 Gen. 2:7, 15-17: Man created first, given the commission and commands of God
 Gen. 2:18: How can God say this? We are designed for love, companionship, communication [of likeness]
 Notice…what is the woman’s role designed to be? “helper” to whom? Man created 1st, entrusted w/ leadership.
 She’s not created to fetch slippers or Coors Light (free to serve)…help carry out commands / commission of God
 She serves as his partner who complements, strengthens his weaknesses, strengthens his strengths
 She has the same dignity, honor, value b/c in God’s image…but different, unique, special role of…helper
 Gen. 2:19-22 - no other created being suitable…needed someone like him…know, love, serve God with
 Matthew Henry - famous quote that speaks to the beauty of God’s design here, “the woman was made of a rib out of
the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of
his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”
 Should women be offended that they’re created to help? No more than man should be offended to need help
 Should women be offended she was created from his side? No more than man should be b/c created from dirt
 Man is created first as the leader in the marriage relationship. [protector, provider, suffering servant leader]
 Woman is created second as the helper in the marriage relationship. [supporter, nurturer, servant]
 Servant not dirty word…Jesus (Mk. 10:45; Jn. 13:17; Phil 2:5-11) M & W expected 2B humble…value not in title
 The roles of man and woman were created by God and divinely ordained by Him before sin corrupted life.
 The roles of man and woman are not rooted in a particular culture, period in history or religious tradition…they are
rooted in the character and nature of God. (1 Cor. 11:1-3)
What happened in the fall?
 Gen. 3:1-6 - Adam, Eve sin against God…disobey Him…Both go against God’s design [He no lead, she no help]
 Gen. 3:16 - “desire” (used to think this was good, wrong interpretation) desire to rule, to lead, to control, no submit
In Genesis 1-3 we see that the bible teaches that women are made in God’s image and are created with the specific role
of being a helper. She is to be supporter, a nurturer, one who helps the man fulfill what God has entrusted to her.
1 Peter 3:1-5 “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe
the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence
of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold
jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used
to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands”
A very sweet and challenging passage. While we could talk about this all day, let’s focus on one particular aspect
that will highlight a key part of biblical femininity. Notice, what is the wife’s general posture before her husband? It is
one of submission for what purpose? To influence her husband so that he will be won over…won over to what? To
her? No…won over to God’s word.
What we should see here is that the woman is called by God to depend upon Him in such a way that she influences
and spurs the man on toward faith and obedience to God. And the context for this is a very difficult situation…the
husband is either an unbeliever or one who is less mature in his faith. He is failing in leadership and the woman has the
responsibility, through her holiness and “gentle and quite spirit” to influence him for God’s glory.
The framework for this whole thing is the woman’s posture of submissiveness. We’ll talk more about submission
throughout the course, but what that means, at its essence, is a way of relating to men in which the woman affirms and
nurtures and facilitates man’s leadership by refusing to rebel against it.
The passage talks about winning her husband over “without words,” but that doesn’t mean she never challenges
him, but that she doesn’t attempt to influence him mainly with words, by nagging him or calling him out in front of
others.

Speaking about the posture of your heart…one of humility and inner beauty…trusts God, knows He is in control.

Not insistent on own rights, ideas…not demanding own way…not sharp, critical, loud…pleases God to trust Him

Doesn’t mean you never talk…means you control your tongue…Part of Spirit’s fruit (Gal. 5:23, 6:1)…men too!
Bottom line, submissiveness seems to be an attitude of acknowledging, affirming, facilitating man’s leadership by
not just allowing man to lead, but acting in such a way as to subtly call him to lead.
Why would a woman do that? Look especially at v. 5; women are able to embody this aspect of femininity
(submissiveness), because ultimately they are putting their hope not directly in the men they relate to, but in the
goodness and good plan of God himself.
Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife
as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also
wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
“As to the Lord.” The main building block we see here is a call to submissiveness driven by trust not in men as
leaders, but in Christ as shepherd. Now, let me be clear that this passage deals explicitly with marriage, and that all
women are not called to submit to all men in the same ways a wife is uniquely called to submit to her husband. That
will be quite clear later as we go on, but let me just put that placeholder there.
That said, we can talk about women generally being called to submissiveness as I defined it a minute ago –
acting in such a way as to affirm and rely on male leadership in obedience to God’s good design of men and women.
Whether you’re a wife trusting in a husband, a daughter trusting in a father, a group of single women trusting in a group
of single men, or any of the above trusting in elders of the church, the idea to pick up here apart from marriage is that
women ultimately relate to fallen male leadership the way they do not because they trust men to always be good
leaders, but because the trust the good design of a God who is always sovereign and always good.
1 Timothy 3:11 “In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but
temperate and trustworthy in everything.”
This passage is a description of the type of characteristics that a deaconesses would have. A deaconess is simply
a woman who serves or even leads a ministry of service in the church. Now, notice, what is a woman’s character
supposed to be like for her to serve in this roll? Temperate, trustworthy in everything…very similar to the idea of being
quietly influential by the way she lives, just like in 1 Peter 3.
Titus 2:3-5
Again here, we see women are to be primarily oriented to and subject to their homes and husbands, diligent,
pure in their words. Note, by the way, this is three passages in a row in which, whatever is said positively about how to
be a godly woman, there is a negative admonition against using words maliciously, carelessly, or as a woman’s main
MO. Why? Perhaps God knows that in a sinful world, words are easily used to tear down rather than to build up or
help, and that a great temptation also exists for words to be used to gain power and influence to oneself and to influence
events rightly or wrongly. All these things go against the apparent design of biblical femininity, and so women get
multiple warnings about how they use their words over and against the way their faithful deeds gently and quietly
speak.
Note as well this idea of wives being subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the word of God. What is that
about? In this case, it’s about wives who purport to follow God affirming and living out God’s design for marriage –
even though since the fall every woman has some level of temptation to defy or undermine that design by usurping
leadership. Again, this affirmation looks different outside of marriage, but we can extrapolate that femininity generally
involves a willingness to affirm and live by God’s design for male/female relations to God’s glory.
Finally, let’s look at
Proverbs 31:10-31.
This is a great passage because it shows the breadth of confidence and competence and skill and intelligence that a
woman can have, but it still orients her toward helping (in this case, toward her husband and family). This wife’s
primary focus is on her husband and the home and children; she can also do many things outside the home. But what is
the wife of noble character about? Helping her husband and family. Aiding her husband in his work, such that he
lacks nothing. Speaking with deeds; diligently nurturing male leadership, ultimately bringing glory to God through her
own faithfulness and competence.
There are a lot of particulars we could discuss with more time (she is described as strong and dignified; there’s more
here about words as well – the wife of noble character is not silent, but uses words for the good of others – v. 26; vv 30
and 31 attack the fleeting and surfacy notions of beauty and talks about the godly woman earning praise in her own
right by fearing the Lord. A good passage to spend some more time in on your own this afternoon.
Definition of biblical feminity that comes from Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (Piper and Grudem, ch.
1, pg. 46)
The essence of biblical femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nurture strength and leadership
from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships.