Download Assertiveness[1]

ASSERTIVENESS
Definition:
Assertiveness means getting your needs
met without interfering with the rights of
others.
•
Assertiveness is the expression of one’s
feelings, beliefs, opinions, and needs in a
direct, honest and appropriate manner.
Such assertive behavior will reflect high
regard for one’s own personal rights and
as well as the rights of others.
• This involves recognizing that in any
situation:
- You have needs to be met;
- The other person or persons have needs
to be met;
- You have rights;
- The other person or persons have rights;
• The aim is to satisfy the needs and rights
of both parties.
Why Assertiveness?
• Helps you become self-confident
• Increases self-esteem
• Gain respect of others
• Improve communication skills
• Improve decision-making ability
How to be assertive
•
Be honest and direct about your feelings, needs,
beliefs.
•
Express yourself firmly and directly to specific
individuals.
•
Be reasonable in your requests
•
State your viewpoint without being hesitant or
apologetic.
•
Be honest when giving or receiving feedback.
•
Learn to say “no” to unreasonable expectations.
•
Paraphrase what others have stated to you.
• Recognize and respect the rights of those around
you.
• Use appropriate tone of voice.
• Be aware of body posture/language
• Maintain eye contact.
• Use “I” statements to express self
• Don’t let others impose their values/ideas on you
• Encourage others to be clear and direct
• Take ownership
• Here are some examples of the
different ways of behaving:
- aggressive,
- submissive, and
- assertive.
• The examples are both verbal and nonverbal – ways of speaking and ways of
behaving.
Way of speaking
a) Aggressive:
•
Demanding
•
Blaming
•
Threatening
•
Giving orders inappropriately
•
Interrupting
•
Attacking/Violent
•
Putting others down
•
Forcing others to do things
•
Expressing opinions as facts
•
Making assumptions
•
Using ridicule/disrespect
b) Submissive:
• Saying ‘I’m sorry’ often
• Saying ‘I’m afraid’ often
• Not getting to the point
• Saying ‘I should/must/ought’ often
• Putting yourself down
• Not saying what you want/feel/like
• Agreeing to things you do not want to do to keep
the peace
• Complaining behind the scenes
c) Assertive:
•
Stating clearly what you want/need/feel
•
Making brief statements that are to the point
•
Saying ‘no’ when you want to
•
Giving praise or constructive criticism when
necessary
•
•
Finding out the wants/needs/feelings of others
Making decisions
•
Standing up for yourself
•
Acknowledging the other person’s standpoint
Ten good reasons to be assertive
• You will feel happier because you will have
expressed your needs
•
It is more likely that your needs will be met
because people will know what they are.
•
Even if your needs are not met, you will feel
better knowing that you handled the
situation well and you will have nothing to
blame yourself for.
•
Your confidence will increase because
there will be no situation you will be
threatened by
•
You will build a better team because you will be able to use
everyone’s strengths instead of being threatened by them.
•
You will be able to control your own behavior and therefore
be more effective in negotiating clear and workable
agreements.
•
You will take more initiatives because you will not be as
afraid of making mistakes as you used to be.
•
You will reduce your stress level because negative feeling of
anger and frustration will not be allowed to build up.
•
You will communicate better with people because if you are
more direct with others, they are more likely to be direct with
you.
•
You will be more comfortable to be around, and thus your
relationships with others will improve at all levels.
Rights at work
•
To know what is expected of me
•
To have regular feedback on my performance
•
To be consulted about decisions that affect me.
•
To take decisions that are within my area of work
•
To refuse unreasonable requests.
•
To expect work of a certain standard from my staff
•
To criticize constructively the performance of my
staff when appropriate