Download GUILT

GUILT
At some point in each of our lives we have all felt guilty about something. Guilt
feelings can range from small things like breaking our diet to larger things like
deliberately hurting someone or committing an illegal act. Simply put, guilt
feelings occur when you or someone in your life tells you that you have done
something wrong. It is important, however, that you can distinguish between
healthy/true guilt and unhealthy/false guilt.
Healthy/True Guilt: Healthy or true guilt is constructive and occurs when a
person has actually done something wrong or is thinking of doing something he
or she rationally believes is unfair or morally wrong - such as deliberately
harming someone. This is an important feeling, which results from having
developed a conscience. Healthy guilt results in taking responsibility for our
choices and being accountable for our actions. It is at that point that we feel
remorse, seek forgiveness and do whatever we have to do to remedy the
situation and change our behavior.
Unhealthy/False Guilt: In contrast, there is a form of guilt that is entirely
different. It does not allow for mistakes and is unhealthy and destructive. This
unhealthy guilt results from someone telling you (or you telling yourself) that you
have done something wrong when you have not actually done something wrong.
This misplaced guilt can be used to manipulate friends, relatives, children,
spouses and in-laws. It can also be applied to employees, friends, and children to
correct or discipline them. Basically, this unhealthy guilt is used to control others.
There are also times when we personally use guilt on ourselves to motivate us to
clean up our act, e.g., quitting smoking, losing weight, or making other desired
changes. While the motivation of guilt gives us some satisfying short-term
results, little real change occurs. As a result, we feel even more guilty.
There are also times when people make statements that lead us to believe that
we are responsible for their feelings. So when they become angry, hurt, or
disappointed, we take it as our fault and feel unhealthy guilt. When you accept
this blame, it is because you want to believe or are encouraged by another to
believe, that you can control another person’s feelings.
It is important to understand the difference between true and false guilt so we
can know when guilt is appropriate, when it is not, and how to resolve it. It is only
at that point that we will be able to successfully overcome and release the guilt
feelings we experience. Healthy guilt is an important feeling and leads to positive
action, but unhealthy guilt is a waste of energy. Next time you begin to feel guilt,
you may want to ask yourself, “Is this true or false guilt?” If it is true guilt, it
provides you an opportunity to change. If it is false guilt, you are challenged to
respond to it in a healthy manner and confront where that feeling comes from
and not let it control your life and actions.