Download Week 6 Style Exercises

WRITING FOR THE PROFESSIONS
WEEK 6 STYLE EXERCISES – MORE ON CONCISION
Williams' text on Style has a lesson on concision. We have covered some aspects
of this previously in week 2.
Williams gives five (5) methods by which to become more concise (and plainer) in
your writing:
1. Delete words that mean very little or nothing at all e.g. actually, basically,
virtually, generally, various
e.g. Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve
psychology more than any particular technology.
2. Delete double words
e.g. full and complete; true and accurate; first and foremost; hopes and desires;
various and sundry; each and every etc
3. Delete what readers can infer for themselves
These are probably the hardest ones to identify in our writing
e.g. Do not try to anticipate in advance, those events in history that will completely
revolutionise society because past history shows that it is the eventual outcome of
minor events that unexpectedly surprises us more.
Do not try to anticipate revolutionary events because history shows that the
outcome of minor events surprises us more.
4. Replace a Phase with a Word
Williams says this is a difficult thing to do since you need a huge vocabulary to do a
good job e.g.
Carefully read what you have written  edit
Thing to do before anything else  first
Use X instead of Y  replace
Nouns instead of verbs  nominalizations
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Academic writing is especially prone to this kind of wordiness and in fact tends to be
wordy, overly complex and full of unnecessary phrases of this kind.
Williams says that he cannot tell us how to do this except that we often overlook
these wordy phrases because we are swept up by the mood or tone of the piece we
are writing. Try not to be overly impressed by florid writing.
e.g. It is possible that nothing will come of these preparations.  Nothing may come
of these preparations.
c. Prior to the end of your training, you should apply for your license.  Before your
training ends, you should apply for your license.
e. There has been a substantial increase in the number of university applications for
the B.Comm degrees.  Many more people are applying to do the B.Comm
degrees.
5. Change Negatives to Affirmatives
When you use the negative statement you sometimes force your readers to do an
algebraic jump in their head. The exception would be when you wish to stress the
negativity of some situation. However in many instances, people use the negative
by habit not by choice.
e.g. g. Except where applicants have failed to submit applications without complete
documentation, benefits will not be denied.
h. You will receive benefits only if you submit all your documents. OR To receive
benefits, submit all your documentation.
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Exercise 1: Rewrite these sentences by pruning the redundancy. As a starting
point, try highlighting the unnecessary words or phrases and then refashion the
sentence more concisely. Make sure you keep the original meaning.
1. Critics cannot avoid employing complex and abstract technical terms if they are
to successfully analyse literary texts and discuss them in a meaningful way.
2. In regard to desirable employment in teaching jobs, prospects for those engaged
in graduate-school-level studies are at best not certain.
3. Scientific research generally depends on fully accurate data if it is to offer
theories that will allow us to predict the future in a plausible way.
4. Notwithstanding the fact that all legal restrictions on the use of firearms are the
subject of heated debate and argument, it is necessary that the general public not
stop carrying on discussion pro and con in regard to them.
5. It is true that in spite of the fact that the educational environment is a very
significant and important facet to each and every one of our children in terms of his
or here own individual future development and growth, different groups and people
do not all support certain tax assessments at a reasonable and fair rate that are
required for the purpose of providing an educational context at a decent level of
quality.
6. Most likely, a majority of all the patients who appear at the public medical clinic
facility do not expect specialised medical attention and treatment because their
health problems and concerns often seem not to be of a major nature and can for
the most part usually be adequately treated with enough proper understanding and
attention.
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7. In the event that governors of the various states in the United States have the
opportunity at some time to get together and talk over with one another the matter
of economic needs and problems in their respective states, it is possible that they
will find a way to overcome the major problem they have of specifying exactly how
to divide up and then distribute economic resources to their different states.
8. Those engaged in the profession of education and teaching have for a long
period of time been interested in having a better idea about significant
improvements in how different individuals learn and commit to memory information
from given written textual material. The first matter of difficulty is identifying aspects
of common and different features among comparable stretches of writing. The
second addresses the difficult matter of assigning some kind of value to the amount
of and nature of information that a reader does not forget after that person reads a
passage.
Exercise 2: Revise and rewrite these sentences by changing negatives to
positives where appropriate. As a starting point, highlight the negatives in these
sentences. Do any additional editing you think useful (eg active voice, hidden verbs
etc).
1. There is no possibility in regard to a reduction in the size of the federal
government if reductions in federal spending are not introduced.
2. Do not discontinue medication unless symptoms of dizziness and nausea are not
present for six hours.
3. No one should be prevented from participating in cost sharing educational
programs without a full hearing into the reasons for his or her not being accepted.
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4. No agreement exists on the question of an open or closed universe, a dispute
about which no resolution is likely as long as computation of the total mass of the
universe has not been done.
5. So long as taxpayers do not engage in widespread refusal to pay taxes, the
government will have no difficulty in paying its debts.
6. No alternative exists in this country to the eventual development of tar sand, oil
shale, and coal as sources of fuel, if we wish to stop being energy dependent on
imported oil.
7. Not until a resolution between Catholics and Protestants in regard to the authority
of papal supremacy is reached will there be a start to the reconciliation between
these two Christian religions.
8. Except when such expenses do not exceed $250, the Insured may not refuse to
provide the Insurer with all relevant receipts, cheques, or other evidence of costs,
when requested.
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