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MR. LENZ’S TOP RULES OF WRITING
Below is a list of some the most common and egregious grammatical errors
that students tend to make. Be conscious of these rules while you are
writing. Each violation will carry with it a specified penalty.
1) TRY NOT TO WRITE THE WAY YOU SPEAK! (-5 points per
infraction)
-Speech is informal. You use slang and colloquialisms without
realizing that you are doing so. Also, scholarly writing is NOT
texting! When writing, please remember that is formal
communication, and should be done in formal register.
2) UNLESS SPECIFICALLY DIRECTED TO DO SO, NEVER WRITE
IN THE FIRST OR SECOND PERSON! (-10 points per infraction)
-Never use “I” or “we.” “Let us” should also be avoided. Never write
“you.” As an alternative, try “the reader” or “one.”
Example:
WRONG!!! We do not know where the Russian people will go from
here, but you can be sure that it will be a tough road.
RIGHT!!! The future of the Russian people is uncertain, but one can
rest assured that the road ahead will be tough and arduous.
3) “JUST” CAN ONLY MEAN JUSTICE! (-10 points per infraction)
-Never use “just” unless it is the adjectival form of justice. For
instance: “The American revolutionaries demonstrated just cause in
splitting away from England.
Example:
WRONG!!! Captain Ahab just could not understand his own
obsession.
RIGHT!!! Captain Ahab simply could not understand his own
obsession.
4) “THIS” IS NOT A STAND-ALONE OPTION! (-10 points per
infraction)
-Never use “this” without a noun following it. For example, “This is
unacceptable behavior” should look like “This behavior is unacceptable.”
5) YOU ONLY NEED ONE COMMA IN A SERIES OF AT LEAST
THREE ITEMS! (-5 points per infraction)
-A comma is unnecessary before the “and,” “or” or “but.” For
instance, “We had chicken, yellow rice and black beans for dinner.”
The same is always true no matter how many items there are in the
series, e.g. “dogs, cats, birds, snakes and frogs.”
6) REFRAIN FROM RHETORICAL QUESTIONS! (-5 points per
infraction)
-For example, “How did this kind of thing happen? Well, it is really
simple. It happened….” Most importantly, never, under any
circumstances, should you conclude a paragraph or, worse yet, an
essay with a question!
7) AVOID EXCESS “FILLERS!” (-5 points per infraction)
-There is no need to write things like “Well,” “you see?” or, worse
still, “um.” These interjections merely take up time and space and
interfere with the essay’s readability.
8) COMMA SPLICING: PERHAPS THE DEADLIEST
GRAMMATICAL SIN! (-15 points per infraction)
-Placing a comma between two independent clauses is NOT
acceptable punctuation. You must use a semicolon if the ideas are
related in meaning or, preferably, a comma followed by a conjunction.
Example:
WRONG!!! The people of Africa have endured hardship for many
years, there is hope on the horizon now though.
RIGHT!!! The people of Africa have endured hardship for many
years, but now there is hope on the horizon.
9) INFINITIVES: WHAT GOD HAS BROUGHT TOGETHER, LET NO
ONETEAR ASUNDER! (-5 points per infraction)
- The infinitive form of a verb is preceded by the word “to,” i.e. “to
go,” “to play” or “to write.” When using the infinitive never place
anything between “to” and the verb. In other words, do not fall victim
to Star Trek Syndrome!
Example:
WRONG!!! To boldy go where no man has gone before...
RIGHT!!! To go boldy where no man has gone before…
10) CONTRACTIONS: AIN’T GONNA HAPP’N! (-5 points per
infraction)
- Contractions are used to join two words together, such as: will + not
= won’t, do + not = don’t or, worst of all, I + would + have = I’d’ve
(written by the grammatically ignorant as “I’d of”). At no point in
time is a contraction permissible when writing, unless it is contained
within a quotation.
11) DANG THE DANGLING PARTICPLE! (-10 points per infraction)
- This error can bring an otherwise decent essay to a screeching halt.
A participle or participial phrase is used to describe a noun or pronoun
in greater detail. The key is that the participle be located in such a
place that it is clear what it is modifying.
Example:
WRONG!!! Baking in the oven, John saw the pizza. (In this
sentence, John is in serious trouble.)
RIGHT!!! John saw the pizza baking in the oven.
12) OVER VS. MORE THAN: THE EPIC STRUGGLE! (-5 points per
infraction)
- “Over” is used to describe a physical relationship between two or
more nouns or pronouns. For instance: “Our game room is over the
garage.” “More than” is used when you are comparing amounts. For
instance: “If you have more than 20 items, you cannot use selfcheckout.” Make sure that you keep these two straight!
Example:
WRONG!!! Over 40 million people visit Walt Disney World each
year.
RIGHT!!! More than 40 million people visit Walt Disney World each
year.
13) LESS VS. FEWER: THE OTHER EPIC STRUGGLE! (-5 points per
infraction)
- “Less” is used to compare amounts that cannot be counted. For
instance: “I have less homework now than I did on Friday.” “Fewer”
is used for groupings of items that can be counted. For instance: “I
have fewer homework assignments now than I did on Friday.”
Example:
WRONG!!! The express lane is for customers with 10 items or less.
RIGHT!!! The express lane is for customers with 10 items or fewer.
14) UNDERSTAND CASES FOR PRONOUNS! (-10 points per infraction)
- Pronouns are substituted for nouns to make writing more efficient.
However, one must be aware of how they work. If the pronoun serves
as the subject of a sentence, it needs to be in the subjective case, such
as “I, we, they, you, he, she and it.” If the pronoun serves as an object
in the sentence (direct object, indirect object or object of a
preposition), it must be in the objective case, such as “me, us, them,
you, her, him and it.”
Examples:
WRONG!!! My friends and me are going to the movies.
RIGHT!!! My friends and I are going to the movies.
WRONG!!! They told he and I about the new movie.
RIGHT!!! They told him and me about the new movie.
WRONG!!! Who’s that Spartan looking so sexy? It’s me, it’s me.
RIGHT!!! Who’s that Spartan looking so sexy? It is I. It is I.
15) PRONOUNS AND ANTECEDENTS: LET US AGREE TO
AGREE!!! (-10 points per infraction)
- When pronouns are substituted for nouns, it must be clear to the
reader which noun the pronoun represents, i.e. what its antecedent is.
Examples:
WRONG!!! The bird and the cat are learning to coexist peacefully,
but it will probably start to get worse.
RIGHT!!! The bird and the cat are learning to coexist peacefully, but
their relationship will probably start to get worse.
WRONG!!! The person who stole the movie knows who they are.
RIGHT!!! The person who stole the movie knows who he or she is.
16) BE MINDFUL NOT TO BECOME TOO RELAXED WITH TENSE!
(-10 points per infraction)
- When writing academically, be careful that you are using tense
appropriately. If the events are taking place at the present time, then
make certain to use a present tense. If the events took place in the
past, then be certain to use a past tense.
Examples:
WRONG!!! We are going to the store after we have gone to school.
RIGHT!!! We are going to the store after we go to school.
WRONG!!! Current events in Kenya have caused much concern
among international policymakers.
RIGHT!!! Current events in Kenya are causing much concern among
international policymakers.
17) GET RID OF “GET!” (-5 points per infraction)
- “Get” is an imprecise, informal word in colloquial English. It can
mean numerous different things, depending upon the context.
Therefore, refrain from using it, unless it is in a quotation.
Example:
WRONG!!! Oh, I get it! If it gets cold, then we can go get our
jackets. Look at the time! We should get going.
RIGHT!!! Oh, I understand! If it turns cold, then we can go obtain
our jackets. Look at the time! We need to be going.
18) CITING A SOURCE! (-5 points per infraction)
- If a writer obtains information that he did not know beforehand, then
he or she MUST cite the source that contains the information. For the
purposes of this essay, we will be using the Chicago Manual of Style
Guide. Other styles that you will encounter over time will be the
Modern Language Association, or MLA style, and the American
Psychological Association, or APA style. Because proper citation is
such a long and complicated topic, refer to the footnote below to find
the Web site that gives more information.
19) RELATIVE PRONOUNS! (-5 points per infraction)
- When using a relative pronoun such as “who” or “that,” be certain to
use that for things and who for people. Also, remember that “who”
can only serve as the subject! “Whom” is used for objects!
Example:
WRONG!!! He is the teacher that I have for math class.
RIGHT!!! He is the teacher whom I have for math class.
20) BUT WHEN AM I EVER GONNA USE THIS STUFF?
- The written word is perhaps humanity’s greatest intellectual gift.
You will only benefit by learning to use it efficiently and effectively.
Of course, writing will become even more important to you in the
coming years when you begin seeking employment.
Imagine an employer has two applicants for a position. One
applicant’s cover letter begins with: “I’m gettin’ very excited about
when I can come to work with ya’ll.” The other’s states: “I am
extremely excited about the prospect of working as part of your
outstanding organization.” Whose application do you think the
employer will sooner remember?
1. Refer to http://library.osu.edu/sites/guides/chicagogd.php for more
information about source citing.