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The Seven Worst Communication Habits
Poor communication can exact a cost on your productivity, opportunities, and success.
The problem increases when bad communication becomes habitual. Take a look at this
article to find out how you can get your communication skills in top shape.
THE SEVEN WORST
COMMUNICATION HABITS
The quality of your communication is always important, and increased skillfulness offers
many benefits. Yet in more difficult times, such as when the economy is in recession, the
quality of your communication becomes even more important. Sometimes the cost of
poor communication is immediate, and sometimes it takes a bit longer for the negative
consequences of unmindful communication habits to become evident.
The good news is that, if you know what some of the nastier poor-communication habits
are, you can become more mindful and look for ways to increase your skillfulness. The
positive results can be seen in interpersonal interactions as well as improvements in the
quality of your marketing communications and networking.
So what are some of the worst communication habits? Here are seven candidates:
The Big Seven
The seven worst habits of communication are bad enough when they happen
occasionally. They become "big and bad" when they’re practiced habitually. And they do,
ultimately, exact a cost, whether it be in miscommunications, lost projects, lowered
productivity, missed opportunities, or poor relationships. The Big Seven bad habits are:
Contacting others only when you need something.
You’ve no doubt experienced this, or perhaps (if you’re honest with
yourself), you can recall doing it yourself. Maybe it’s even one of your
own bad communication habits. The person who perpetrates this bad habit
is the one who routinely surfaces when they’re job hunting, when they’ve
got a problem, when they need a reference, when they want ideas from
you. Between their "periods of need," you don’t hear a peep from these
folks, and they might not even respond to your communications.
Telephone and email messages go unreturned. Ick! Whatever the reason
that people do it, it’s unpleasant for those on the receiving end. Let’s face
it--no one likes feeling that they’ve been used. What’s more, as the pattern
becomes evident, more and more of "the used" become reticent, if not
resentful, and reach a point where they don’t care to be used any longer.
Not following up, or closing the loop.
This is a sibling-habit of the aforementioned, and is pretty much selfexplanatory. This is when someone asks for your advice, requests a
reference for an upcoming job interview, seeks out contacts for their jobsearch networking, or asks for (or receives from you) a referral for a new
project. You get the gist. These are all normal enough activities, but where
this habit goes bad is when the person fails to follow up or close the loop
by letting you know how things turned out, or even saying "thank you." In
the worst cases, the next time you hear from this person is when they need
something from you again.
Not returning telephone calls or email messages.
As with other breached hallmarks of civility, this bad habit is becoming
fairly typical. In some corporate work cultures, it’s actually a norm. But
that doesn’t make it anything other than what it is: A nasty, inconsiderate
communication habit. Just to be clear, we’re not talking about returning
automated sales calls here, which one can be forgiven for ignoring. Rather,
we’re talking about telephone messages, personally written notes, and
email messages from real, live human beings, that go unanswered and
unacknowledged. Nasty habit!
Foregoing basic courtesy.
At its most simple, this nasty habit shows itself in an individual’s failure to
say "please" and "thank you" when requesting and receiving something.
They might not send a thank-you after being treated to lunch, or they
might send a snappish email that is more of a demand than a request. The
three previous nasty communication habits are also examples of
discourteous behavior. Basic courtesy goes by the wayside for a number of
reasons: people are in too much of a hurry, they might have an attitude of
entitlement or self-absorption, or they might not have ever been taught
basic courtesy. But each failure to be courteous contributes to an uncivil
workplace and community, and exacts a cost because people don’t tend to
like being treated rudely, and are less likely to extend themselves on
behalf of someone they consider rude.
Not listening.
You’d be shocked at how many unpleasant and costly situations arise from
a failure to listen. Medical malpractice suits often cite poor listening skills
as a key problem, for example, when physicians fail to listen to what a
patient is saying, and allow their own egos and assumptions to prevent
them from truly hearing crucial information. A similar pattern can be
found in other types of work environments, too. One hallmark of poor
listening is a person who won’t ask any questions. Another hallmark is
that he or she might repeatedly paraphrase incorrectly, or "put words in
your mouth" that you neither say nor agree with. On an interpersonal
level, poor listening skills result in miscommunications, lost opportunities,
lower productivity due to mistakes or redundant efforts, employee
turnover, and other costly scenarios.
Telling lies.
Intentions for and examples of lying run the gamut from telling "little
white lies" to avoid hurting someone’s feelings (something few people
like to do to others) to purposely misleading whole groups of people for
the purpose of one’s individual material gain (something we saw en masse
during the dot-com boom and subsequent string of corporate ethics and
accounting scandals). The former is often deemed understandable, if not
optimal, and the latter is seen as unforgivable. Both are examples of
someone not being truthful. Truthfulness requires courage and, ideally,
skillfulness. With courage and skillfulness, and a bit of self-awareness, we
can find ourselves telling the truth in both cases, and all of the cases in
between. The truth may occasionally hurt, but lies tend to be far more
destructive.
Spewing chronic negativity.
Everyone can see and point out flaws, which is an essential element of
problem-solving. And we all entertain opinions that are focused on or
sharpened by things we don’t like. But the chronic negativity spewer takes
it to a more toxic, less discerning level. He or she is ardently negative-about a lot of things--and delivers his negative opinions energetically and
regularly. Imagine meeting with such a person, who from the first to the
last minute of your time together has nothing positive to say about anyone
or anything. He might use powerfully angry, negative language, and repeat
phrases such as, "I hate ..." or "...stupid idiots." When you’ve had an
interaction with negativity-spewing Ned or Nellie, you feel like you’ve
been slimed, and may even feel a bit in shock from the sheer force of their
negative energy. A chronic Negative Ned or Nellie can have a dampening
effect on his or her whole work group.
Fortunately, these and other nasty communication habits can be averted or changed by
cultivating habits that are nasty-habit opposites--meaning, in this case, more skillful and
considerate. For example, in order to enjoy the many benefits of more positive, skillful
communication, you might commit yourself to speaking honestly, cultivating "right
speech," treating others more courteously, and so on.
Copyright 2002-2003. Reprinted with permission from Ivy Sea, Inc., San Francisco, CA ()www.ivysea.com).
For additional information or distribution rights, contact Ivy Sea, Inc. at (415) 778-3910.