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7-1
Communication in a Changing
World, 2006 Edition
C
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7
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Communicating in
Interpersonal
Relationships
Bethami A. Dobkin
Roger C. Pace
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-2
Communicating in Interpersonal
Relationships
• Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal
Communication
• Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships, and
Communication
• Interpersonal Attraction
• Community and Relationship Development
• Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing
Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-3
Communicating in Interpersonal
Relationships
• Relationships are created, expressed, altered,
strengthened, weakened, postponed,
reaffirmed, or terminated through
communication
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-4
Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal
Communication
“The easiest kind of relationship for me is with
10,000 people. The hardest is with one.”
—Joan Baez, singer
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-5
Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal
Communication
• Interpersonal communication occurs when
individuals treat each other as unique and
interact in an individual or customized way
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-6
Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal
Communication
• Interpersonal Communication Is
Personalized
– The personalized nature of interpersonal
communication reflects the responsiveness of
the communicators to each other
• Interpersonal Communication Occurs in a
Relationship
– Interpersonal messages are heavily influenced
by the nature of the relationship between
communicators
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-7
Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal
Communication
• Interpersonal Communication Is Influenced
by Culture and Gender
– Recognizing both the gendered expectations that
we place on others and the ways that individuals
vary in their interaction styles can help us meet
our communication goals and accommodate the
needs of others
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-8
Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal
Communication
• Think It Over
– Learning From Relationships
• Can bad relationships also help us to become better
people?
• What can you learn from the breakup of a
relationship?
• How can a bad relationship hinder self-esteem?
McGraw-Hill
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7-9
Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships,
and Communication
• The nature of the communication varies
greatly in mood, formality, and purpose
depending on the closeness or level of
intimacy in the relationship
– Intimate interpersonal relationships are
characterized by high levels of trust, warmth,
and affection
– Social penetration theory states that we
disclose and discuss more personal information
as our relationships become more intimate
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-10
Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships,
and Communication
– Depth of a relationship refers to the amount and
type of interaction you have with another
person; how far in-depth your communication is
about particular topics
– Breadth refers to the width of the relationship,
or how many different contexts communications
experience with each other; how many topics
you communicate about
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-11
Interpersonal Attraction
• Liking Those Who Are Similar
– Interpersonal similarity occurs when we share
common attitudes, values, habits, and
communication styles with other members of a
relationship
– Similarity also validates our view of the world
McGraw-Hill
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7-12
Interpersonal Attraction
• Liking Those Who Are Familiar
– Social proximity refers to “social closeness”;
we are often attracted to people who live near
us, belong to the same groups or organizations,
or attend the same school
– At least two studies have verified that our
relationships often emerge from those in close
proximity
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-13
Interpersonal Attraction
• Liking Those We Find Attractive
– Attractiveness is the idealized appearance of
physical attributes, what we visualize as the
“perfect look”
– Physical attraction occurs when we are
attracted to someone’s appearance through such
attributes as facial features, height, body type,
and hair color
– Sexual attraction occurs when we are attracted
to another person for sexual reasons
McGraw-Hill
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7-14
Interpersonal Attraction
• Liking Those We Find Attractive
– As we get to know other people’s attitudes,
beliefs, sense of humor, likes and dislikes, and
other aspects of who they are, we often find
them more attractive
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-15
Community and Relationship
Development
• Stages of relationship development are
patterns or life cycles that relationships pass
through as they develop or deteriorate
McGraw-Hill
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7-16
Community and Relationship
Development
• Coming Together (Escalation)
– Initiating involves meeting another person and
initiating communication
– Experimenting stage is characterized by the
exploration of mutual interests and
circumstances
• Much of the experimenting stage involves the
discovery of integrating topics, areas of common
interest which both parties enjoy discussing
– Intensifying stage is represented by an increase
in the breadth and depth of the relationship
McGraw-Hill
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7-17
Community and Relationship
Development
• Exploring Communication Concepts
– Who Says, “I Love You” First?
• Besides saying “I love you,” how can you tell if
someone is committed to a relationship?
• Have you used secret tests to determine your
partner’s commitment in a relationship? Did they
work?
• Why might such indirect or secret tests be necessary?
McGraw-Hill
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7-18
Community and Relationship
Development
• Coming Together (Escalation) (cont.)
– Integrating—as relationships develop, the
people in them may begin to integrate numerous
activities, coordinate daily schedules, and
develop common interests, attitudes, and values
• We also explicitly discuss the nature of our
communication and engage in more
metacommunication—communication about
communication
– Bonding and Ongoing Intimacy occurs as we
make long-term commitments to the
relationship
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-19
Community and Relationship
Development
“Kindness and intelligence don't always
deliver us from the pitfalls and traps; there
are always failures of love, of will, of
imagination. There is no way to take the
danger out of human relationships.”
—Barbara Harrison, writer
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-20
Community and Relationship
Development
• Coming Apart (Descalation)
– Differentiation
• At a certain point in a relationship, we begin to take
note of the differences that exist between our partner
and ourselves
– Circumscribing
• If a relationship continues to deteriorate, we may
begin to circumscribe it by reducing the breadth and
depth of the relationship significantly
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-21
Community and Relationship
Development
• Coming Apart (Descalation) (cont.)
– Stagnating
• In this stage, interaction flattens out and stops
growing in either direction
– Avoiding
• In the avoidance stage, the separation becomes
physical as partners actively avoid any face-to-face
contact
– Terminating
• In the terminating stage, we negotiate the end of the
relationship
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-22
Community and Relationship
Development
• Unique Developmental Patterns
– Every relationship develops in unique ways and
follows different paths through the stages
– Turning points are particular events, feeling, or
interactions that change the direction or
intensity of a relationship
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-23
Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing
Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure
• Self-disclosure is the act of revealing one’s
personal thoughts, preferences, feelings, and
experiences to another person within the
context of an interpersonal relationship
(Jourard 1964; Dindia and Fitzpatrick, 1997)
McGraw-Hill
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7-24
Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing
Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure
• The Advantages of Self-Disclosure
– Builds trust
– Friend’s acceptance of your disclosure without
revealing the information to others further
justifies your trust and increases the likelihood
of additional disclosure
• The Risks Inherent in Self-Disclosure
– Any disclosure of personal information makes
you more vulnerable and raises the possibility of
hurt feelings or even rejection
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-25
Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing
Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure
• Self-Disclosure Activity
• When is Self-Disclosure Appropriate?
– Choose the Appropriate Context for Disclosure
– Go slowly and Disclose Gradually as the
Relationship Develops
– Respond in Kind
– Use Disclosure to Benefit the Relationship
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-26
Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing
Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure
Figure 7-3. Qualities of Responsible Self-Disclosure
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-27
Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing
Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure
“I think it is almost self-evident that you
cannot love another person . . . Unless you
know what (s)he needs. And you cannot
know what (s)he needs unless (s)he tells
you.”
—Sidney M. Jourard, clinical psychologist
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-28
Summary
• Interpersonal communication is interaction
among a small number of people and is
characterized by more personal and
individual communication than takes place
in lager groups
• High levels of trust, warmth, and affection
characterize an intimate relationship
• Interpersonal similarity, proximity, and
physical attributes all affect the degree to
which we are attracted to someone
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
7-29
Summary
• Through communication, we establish,
maintain, and end relationships
• Self-disclosure can build trust and
commitment in a relationship and is
necessary, in some degree, to maintain
ongoing intimacy
McGraw-Hill
© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.