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Communicating Conflict Chapter 9 Defining Conflict Interpersonal conflict is commonly defined as “the interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving these goals.” Chapter 9 2 Defining Conflict • Interdependence – means that the communicators are interconnected and rely on and need each other Chapter 9 3 Defining Conflict • Perception - the communicators perceive having incompatible goals Chapter 9 4 Defining Conflict • Incompatible goals – when people view the other as keeping them from reaching their goals friction often results • Image conflicts involve a concern for self-presentation and a disagreement about selfdefinition Chapter 9 5 Types of Conflict • Value conflicts are content conflicts that deal with content that is viewed as right or wrong Chapter 9 6 Types of Conflict • Relational conflicts focus on issues concerning the relationship between the two people Chapter 9 7 Types of Conflict • Serial conflicts are not conflict on a particular issue rather they are based on the fact that the same conflict occurs respectively overtime without resolution – Meta-conflicts are conflicts on how you manage conflict Chapter 9 8 Myths about Conflict and Communication • The belief that all conflicts result from miscommunication or unclear communication. Chapter 9 9 Myths about Conflict and Communication • The belief that conflicts can always be resolved with good communication skills. • The belief that it’s always best to talk about conflict. Chapter 9 10 Factors Influencing Interpersonal Conflict • Gender and sex • Culture Chapter 9 11 Communication Patterns in Conflict • Symmetrical escalation – when each partner chooses to increase the intensity of the conflict • Symmetrical withdrawal – when both communicators avoid the conflict Chapter 9 12 Communication Patterns in Conflict • Pursuit-withdrawal/withdrawalpursuit – One partner pursues discussing the conflict and the other withdraws – One partner withdraws prompting the other partner to purse the conflict Chapter 9 13 Communication Patterns in Conflict • Symmetrical negotiation – when each partner mirrors the other’s positive negotiating behaviors – Listen to the other and reflect back what they have heard Chapter 9 14 The Dark Side of Interpersonal Conflict • Bullying – occurs with distinct power differences between communicators exits and one is persistently abusing the other Chapter 9 15 The Dark Side of Interpersonal Conflict • Violence and aggression – imposing one’s will on another with intent to hurt or cause suffering – Often involves verbal aggressiveness Chapter 9 16 The Bright Side of Interpersonal Conflict • Leads to positive evaluations of communication competence Chapter 9 17 The Bright Side of Interpersonal Conflict • Promotes physical and mental health – Positive interaction ratio – proportion of positive comments to negative comments Chapter 9 18 Promotes Physical and Mental Health – Negative interaction ratio – more negative than positive comments and interactions • The magic ratio – 5 positives to 1 negative is a good predictor of marital longevity Chapter 9 19 Explaining Conflict • The four-part model pictures conflict as a circle divided into four sections of conflict – You refers to one of the participants in the conflict Chapter 9 20 Explaining Conflict • When people disqualify the you in conflict the response is aggressive and doesn’t take into account the need of the other person –This is called pouncing Chapter 9 21 The Four-Part Model • Me refers to the other participant – When people disqualify the me in conflict they are being passive and ignoring their own needs • This is called placating Chapter 9 22 The Four-Part Model • Context refers to the emotional background surrounding the conflict – When people disqualify the context they are ignoring the relational aspects and focusing on the rational aspects • This is called computing Chapter 9 23 The Four-Part Model • Subject refers to what the parties are arguing about – When people disqualify the subject they change the topic to avoid conflict • This is called distracting Chapter 9 24 The Relationship of Conflict to Power • Power can be defined as the ability to control the behavior of another Chapter 9 25 The Relationship of Conflict to Power • Using power – Direct application of power is using any resource available to force the other to comply regardless of their wishes – Indirect application of power is using power without making it obvious Chapter 9 26 Using Power • Relational messages are a form of indirect applications of power • When people send relational messages they define the relationship, implying they have the power to do so Chapter 9 27 The Relationship of Conflict to Power • Sex differences are often based on sex role stereotypes • Empowerment is helping to actualize another's power – Power balancing Chapter 9 28 Choices for Conflict Management • Lighten up and reframe • Presume good will and express good will • Ask questions • Listen • Practice cultural sensitivity Chapter 9 29