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Communication
Breakdown!
Common Communication Issues
between men and women
Nature and Nurture
BOYS:
 group-oriented
 teamwork=
strong group of
friends
GIRLS:
 individualoriented
 one-on-one
talking= one or
two best friends
Differing Perceptions:
STATUS LENS:




(males)
looking for differences to
achieve status
young boys try to “one up”
each other
stronger personalities give
orders= leader=
HIGHER STATUS
weaker personalities accept
orders= subordinate=
LOWER STATUS
CONNECTION LENS:
(females)
 look for similarities to achieve
connection
 try to achieve equality, not
superiority
Non-verbal Communication:
LISTENING RITUALS
MEN:



avoid direct eye
contact
are still listening,
although they may
not look directly at
you
misinterpret direct
eye contact as
confrontational or
flirtatious
WOMEN:
 direct, face-to-face
gaze
 used to focus on
connection
 misinterpret no eye
contact as a sign of
not listening
VERBAL COMMUNICATION:
CONVERSATION RITUALS
not to be taken literally
 Both “styles” are valid
 tools used for establishing friendly
connections to facilitate communication


example: “How are you?”... “Fine, thanks”
CONVERSATION RITUALS



RITUAL
OPPOSITION:
RITUAL
APOLOGY:
(MEN)
(WOMEN)
boys “play fight”
playing Devil’s Advocate
used NOT to challenge but rather
to explore possibilities
 “I’m not sorry; I’m sorry”
 means I’m sorry that happened
 NOT a personal apology
 used as a transition in conversation
Men misinterpret apology as:
 disorganization
 incompetence
Women misinterpret opposition as:
 indication of bad idea or mistake
 personal attack
CONVERSATION RITUALS


MEN:
Use “report talk,”
focusing on
informational details
WOMEN:
 Use “rapport talk,”
focusing on personal
subjects
Often about themselves
 use compliments, verbal and
non-verbal cues (touching)


use playful insults and
teasing
Jokes/humor establish
status
Often downplay their achievements
women interrupt to show
agreement, to give support, or
to give “cooperative overlap”
GIVING ORDERS:
DIRECT:
(men)



dictate orders
not trying to be bossy or
offensive
Men usually initiate and
are more comfortable
with conflict
Women misinterpret direct orders
as:
 impoliteness
 overbearing
INDIRECT:
(women)
 use strategies not to
appear bossy
 “could we do this…”
 “do you think it’s possible…”
 “I would do it this way…”
Men misinterpret indirect
approach as:
 not being managerial
 easier to say “NO”
Tips for Increasing Your
Communication Savvy

Become aware of communication issues

Learn what YOUR rituals are

Observe the rituals of others

Don’t “pigeonhole” people