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Creating and Maintaining Positive Relationships at Work One Take on the Basics of Communication Communication to achieve mutually satisfying solutions, honour positive relationships and foster respect. (assertive) Communication that avoids confrontation, criticism and complaints at all costs – tends to avoid getting involved or taking action. (passive) Communication that uses manipulation e.g. whining, yelling, pouting, screaming, complaining, crying, getting one’s feelings hurt. (aggressive) Communication designed to pay someone back or teach someone a lesson – avoids confrontation but uses manipulation to get even (passive-aggressive) Ideas taken from Life would be easy if it weren't for other people Some of my best advice about working in a new (to you) school • Observe and listen to the school culture, reflect on what you can learn from it and how you can contribute • Be willing to do more following than leading in your first year but don’t be a leech – contribute positively to your environment • Find a colleague (it doesn’t have to be in your school) to whom you can turn when you have questions or want to reflect on a situation 15 Most often used strategies when managing situations 1. Gather Pertinent Information Forewarned is forearmed - Cervantes Knowledge is power -Francis Bacon 2. Defer Action Fools rush in where angels fear to tread -Alexander Pope Timing is everything -George Burns 3. Refuse to be baited It takes two to make a fight -Unknown Fools bite one another, but wise men agree together -George Herbert 4. Compile a list of positive responses to use during uncomfortable discussions Honey catches more flies than vinegar -Franklin Praimanac 5. Learn to apologize It takes a big person to say “I’m sorry.” -Unknown 6. Listen to body messages Fear is the beginning of wisdom - Unknown 7. Develop a plan to get help An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure - Scammell To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace - George Washington 8. Get a grip Think before you speak - William Shakespeare 9. Be selective when speaking Don’t open a can of worms -Unknown 10. Recognize enemies and dissenters Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me -Unknown 11. Speak Softly Speak softly and carry a big stick -Teddy Roosevelt 12. Develop listening skills Listen, don’t just hear - Unknown 13. Utilize credible witnesses There is strength in numbers -Unknown 14. Remain Detached Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me -Mother Goose 15. Move on Don’t cry over split milk - Andrew Yamanton Don’t spit into the wind - Jim Croce Don’t let your heart rule your head -Unknown Red, Yellow, Green Cards Nonviolent Communication • Also called Compassionate Communication, Mindful Communication, Conscious Communication, Authentic Communication • The goal is to generate a climate where everyone’s needs can be considered equally. • Used when there is an intention to make a connection. – Which means we may choose not to use it in certain interactions. Basic Premises of NVC • All humans have the same needs, and all we are ever trying to do, with our words and actions, is to have those needs met. • People are fundamentally compassionate, but we have been trained to appreciate “violence”. • Each person is responsible for their feelings, as they are born out of their own needs. Each person is responsible for getting their own needs met. • It is possible to express ourselves authentically and remain respectful of others. The NVC Process • OBSERVATIONS – the facts (actions, words, gestures) that trigger a reaction in you. NOT interpretations, evaluations, labels… • FEELINGS – Your reaction to the observations creates feelings in you. All feelings are linked to a need. • NEEDS - Identify the need that is linked to the feeling. Needs are universal, intangible, and intrinsic. • REQUESTS – state how you will take charge of meeting your needs, without making demands. 2-way Intention to Connect Authentic Expression I express my observation I express my feeling I express my need I express my request Empathic Listening I receive your observation I receive your feeling I receive your need I receive your request Practice • Visualize heading into the same old fight with your partner or a family member • A difficult conversation with a parent of a student • A chronic issue you have with a colleague 5 steps To Poor Listening • Remember strategy 12? • Jackpot! Read article and be ready to answer 5 questions about the article Teaching Compulsory Courses • Teaching compulsory courses is no different from teaching other electives. • 4-corners: strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree • Go to your corner and compile and chart a list of reasons, and/or examples in your group. • Post your list, then we will all do a walk about and consider the other viewpoints.