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Advanced Communication Skills: Was it something I said? Networking • Mental attitude • Confidence (body language, voice, words) • Communication (ask, listen, get, give) • Good judgement • Follow up Objectives • Build rapport in social/professional situations • Deliver your message with enthusiasm, sincerity and clarity • Improve your skills in communicating persuasively • Give and receive criticism constructively • Know when and how to use different strategies for handling conflict Persuasiveness What is persuasive communication? X Verbal Vocal Visual It’s not about position It’s not about using force So why do people WILLINGLY do what you want? Because they.. • know you • like you • respect you • admire you and because they… • • • • trust you owe you can see how it will benefit them want to fit in with the majority and because you…. • come across as competent/expert • express clearly and succinctly what you want/need • make it easy for them The persuasive mindset Self-Control Courageous Clear goal Compassionate Curious Collaborative Committed Plan • • • • • • • • What do I know about person? How can I hook them? What do I really want? What are my key points? How can I bring them to life? What objections are likely? What’s my back up option? What will make it easy for them to agree? • What will I do if we can’t agree? 3As model of communication Plan accuracy 90 second focus Explore both stories commitment agreement Mutual understanding creativity goodwill Generate options Agreed action plan action Make it two way! Visual impact • • • • • • Eye contact Angle Hands Posture Facial animation Clothes Vocal impact volu me Pace Ar-tic-ul-at-ion Pitch Planning corrective feedback Mindset: desire to help, not hurt How much is helpful? Think what it says about you Time it close to the event Giving corrective feedback Ask rather than tell Avoid emotion-laden words Be specific Supportive, open body language Be future oriented Ensure degree of agreement Beware assumptions Suggest specific improvements Focus on behaviour, not personality Handling aggression Verbal strategies • Even, warm tone of voice • Communicate clearly and concisely • Listen • Don’t ignore questions • Apologise if in error • Show you’re keen to find a solution • Don’t take it personally Handling aggression Non-verbal strategies •Open position •Calm gestures •Watch personal space •Both sit down •Don’t appear hurried Kubler-Ross curve Denial Shock Integration Decisions Frustration Experiments Acceptance Depression Handling criticism • When do you respond positively to criticism? • When do you respond negatively? • What makes the difference? • What could you do better? Handling criticism • • • • • • • • • Emotional self-control Roll with the punch Hold back & ask questions Repeat back Consider whether justified Avoid counter-attack Show you value feedback Ask for time Act on it! Causes of conflict Respondents’ (%) rating as a most important source of conflict at work Average Personality clashes and warring egos 44 Poor leadership from the top 30 Poor line management 29 Poor performance management 21 Heavy workload/inadequate resources 14 Bullying/harassment 13 Lack of openness and honesty 12 Lack of clarity about accountability/ownership 12 Lack of role clarity 11 Clash of values 10 Stress 10 Taboo topics 9 Perceived discrimination 7 Poor selection of/pairing of teams 7 Self-talk in conflict It’ll sort itself out. I’ll call Liz. Maybe we can go for a quick coffee and I can get it off my chest. I daren’t say anything. It might all blow up in my face. At least I can let off steam on the squash court later. Right, Right,she’s now had she’sit now. going to to had I’m it. I’m going make makeher herlife life a amisery. misery. How not to manage conflict Behind the scenes manipulation Manoeuvring for position Get you later games Sarcastic jokes Emotional blackmail Concealing/giving false information Defensiveness Office politics Gossiping Bullying Tension Mistrust Anxiety Fatigue Self-preservation Low morale STAGNATION Dysfunctional communication Poor decision making Lower performance Approaches to conflict High Accommodate Collaborate Importance of relationship Compromise Avoid Compete Low High Low Importance of issue Competing: how it sounds Patronise ‘Calm down’ ‘I think you’ll find…’ ‘It was clearly stated….’ Clichés ‘I hear what you’re saying,…..but…’ ‘I understand your position.’ ‘With all due respect,…’ Judge ‘You’re over-reacting/ being unreasonable.’ ‘That’s just typical of a man/techy/you’ Impose solutions ‘What you need to do is ….’ ‘The best way forward is to..’ Trap ‘Surely you must admit that…’ ‘You’re not suggesting that …?’ ‘Isn’t it obvious that…? Avoid concerns ‘That’s not the point.’ ‘I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.’ ‘What do you expect me to do about it? ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Give negative message ‘… not possible’ ‘….not our policy’ ‘ can’t do that’ Be defensive ‘ Look, it’s not my fault.’ ‘But I wasn’t informed of that.’ ‘That’s not true.’ Have the last word ‘Anyway it’s done now, so there’s nothing more to discuss.’ How to manage conflict GROWTH Effective decision making Improved performance Collaborative effort Commitment Trust Motivation Calmness Energy Honest, direct communication Joint problem solving Sharing information Creative energy Mutual respect Assertiveness Stages of development of conflict