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Date Rape Avoidance and Other Personal Safety Tips for
Young Women
• Being alone
• One on one
• With group of people
• Good friends
• Acquaintances
• People you’re just
• Nothing else to do
• Social mingling including parties
• Dating
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
• You are more likely to be
raped while on a date, at a
party, a friend or relative’s
house or at your own home
by someone you know than
you are to be targeted by a
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Rape is violence that uses sex as a weapon
• A rape happens in the U.S. every two minutes.
• One out of every four women is likely to be
attacked in her lifetime.
• Most rapes are actually carried out by
someone whom the victim knows.
Acquaintance or Date Rape
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Who are these offenders?
• Men from every economic, ethnic, racial, age
and social group.
“Acquaintance rape is not typically committed by psychopaths who are deviant
from mainstream society. Direct and indirect messages given to boys and young men
by our culture about what it means to be male (dominant, aggressive and
uncompromising) contribute to creating a mindset which is accepting of sexually
aggressive behavior. Such messages are constantly sent via television and film
when sex is portrayed as a commodity whose attainment is the ultimate male
challenge. Buying into stereotypical attitudes regarding sex roles tends to be
associated with justification of intercourse under any circumstances.” ~ Malamuth, in
Pirog-Good and Stets, 1989, Koss, 1988
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
The World’s Message to Men
• Sex is a commodity
• Ultimate male challenge
• To be had under any circumstances
• “Over the past thirty years, America has
transformed itself into a pornographic culture.
With pornography firmly entrenched in today’s
mainstream media, all women are now viewed as
• “When we turn human beings into objects, it is
easy to do violence to them.” ~ Lanae Valentine
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Who Is Most Susceptible?
• Young women 16 - 24
“How would it be if teenage girls had
some initial wariness about every
man.” ~ Gavin DeBecker
1st Semester
• Women who are seen as passive and submissive
• Women who keep company with aggressive males
• Women participating in or around drinking and taking
• Women who are not watching for danger signals
• Women who do not know what to do
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
No One Is Immune
* Utah’s Rape Rate is
14th in the Nation
“The sexual predator is alive and well
in this community as well as over the
world. I don’t want you to feel like
this is Rapeville, USA because it’s
not…We try to do everything we can
to combat it but it happens.”
~ Arnie Lemmon
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
It’s not your fault
There are no should haves
Men rape mostly
for power and from
“Most commonly rape is a crime
of opportunity – the victim is
chosen not because of her looks
and behavior, but because she is
there.”~ Helen Benedict, Virgin or Vamp 1992
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Rape Is Violence Using Sex As A Weapon
Even if you make every mistake
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
How to Avoid Date Rape?
Be Alert and Cautious
Recognize and Get Out
of uncomfortable
Take Action to defend
yourself if necessary
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Be Alert and Cautious
Listen to the Spirit
#1 Defense Tool
Act on the promptings of
the Spirit!
The Spirit Gives Direction, Not Explanation!
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Be Alert and Cautious
Watch for Tip Off Attitudes and
“It’s easier to stay out of
trouble than to get out of
trouble!” Mark Twain
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Tip off Attitudes and Behaviors
proves persistence,
not love.
Relentless doesn’t
mean you’re
special, it means
he’s troubled.”
• Emotional intimidation
• Possessive
Be Alert and Cautious
Bossy, controlling, jealous
Isolates you from your friends and family
Abuses alcohol and or drugs
Pushes your physical boundaries
Is violent and angry
Harbors negative attitudes about women
~ Gavin DeBecker
Is scary, uses intimidation to make
you do what he wants
“Warning signs start kicking up even after the first date.”
~ Arnie Lemmon
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Be Alert and Cautious
It is common to find a young woman dating someone
whom she is not totally comfortable with simply because
he is paying attention to her or because he is a “really nice
guy most of the time.”
She might ignore her feelings of discomfort thinking that
she knows the guy she is with so it will be “ok.”
She could be lured into a compromising situation just
because she blindly trusts someone she thinks she knows.
If someone you are with makes you feel
uncomfortable in any way, he has just become a
stranger to you.
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Be Alert and Cautious
Set standards on who you date
and demand they be met
“It’s easier to stay out of trouble than to get
out of trouble!”
~ Mark Twain
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Recognize and get out
You have the right to say no to any unwanted
sexual contact
Remember that some people think that drinking
heavily, dressing sexy, flirting or going to a
person’s room indicates a willingness to have
Respond to the promptings of the Spirit
The Spirit gives direction, not explanation
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Graduated Threat
Recognize and get out
Avoiding a potentially dangerous situation as soon as
you feel even the tiniest bit uncomfortable with
someone is your best defense.
“One of the most encouraging facts you will learn from women’s success stories
is that women who listen to, and act upon, their awareness and intuition, and
who set strong verbal boundaries, have a very high success rate in defending
themselves without fighting.” (Back Off!)
The sooner you realize there could be a problem,
and do something about it, the more likely you
will escape unharmed.
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Recognized and get out
Attend and leave parties with friends
you can trust. Agree to look out for
each other.
Rohipnol: roofies, roach,
R2, rib, rope, ruffies, GHB
Don’t accept drinks from anyone
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Recognize and Get Out
Stay with people – Go to people!
• Rape can occur any time
and place an attacker
feels he has privacy and
• Don’t leave the party
with him or go to a
private room
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Recognize and Get Out
“Dangerous men are dangerous only if they can
get you somewhere. They are not dangerous on
the dance floor, in the restaurant, in the
crowded mall.
If a man who intends sexual assault or rape has
PRIVACY and CONTROL, he can victimize
someone. If he does not have PC, he is not
dangerous, period.” ~ Gavin DeBecker
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Take Action to defend yourself
Don’t be afraid to make waves if you feel
threatened or are under attack.
• Attract attention
• You want him to feel that he’ll be discovered
• If necessary, defend yourself
Assault is assault – defend yourself!
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Take Action to defend yourself
If you are physically
It’s time to take
action with full
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Victim Mentality
“You’re stronger”
“I can’t defend myself”
“Please don’t hurt me”
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
If an acquaintance/friend/date or
even relative is trying to rape
you, he is not the person you
thought he was, he has now
become a stranger to you.
Remember, rape is
VIOLENCE using sex as a
not only have every right, but
you must take appropriate action
to protect yourself.
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Resistor Mentality
You have NO RIGHT to
hurt me in any way.
I WILL do whatever it
takes to defend myself!
“If you are going to mess with me, it will be
the hardest thing you ever do!”
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Take Action to defend yourself
Make Adrenaline
Work for You
G iving
E nergy
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Take Action to defend yourself
Learn to RAGE
Resistor mentality: RAGE is natural
Victim mentality: Need to learn how to RAGE
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Take Action to defend yourself
Make Noise!
Why is this
committing this
Because he
thinks he can get
away with it!
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Take Action to defend yourself
Resist with total commitment
Using anything at your disposal
Never give up
“It will be necessary to physically hurt someone
who is attacking you for self preservation.”
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
If you’re going to mess with
me it will be the hardest
thing you’ll ever do!
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
• Resist:
• Run:
“React Immediately”
…drop all of your jewelry,
purse and car keys at his
“It’s not over until
it’s over!”
“Do everything you can to
prevent him from moving
you to another location”
“If he takes you off the
beaten path, chances are
you’re not coming home”
“Fight for your life and
don’t give up”
Patrick Malone
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Get Rid of Faulty Thinking
We assume the best…
…we MUST expect the worst!
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Often we are afraid of what will
happen if we DON’T comply –
we NEED to be afraid of what
will happen if we DO!
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
You Will Always Have Options
up to a Point
• What is the Point?
• When you are completely under his control
Everything an assailant demands will
directly benefit him and hurt you!
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell
Dating Violence
© 2004 Stacey DeMille Wardwell