Survey
* Your assessment is very important for improving the workof artificial intelligence, which forms the content of this project
* Your assessment is very important for improving the workof artificial intelligence, which forms the content of this project
CHAPTER SEVEN: CODEPENDENCY, THE ADULT CHILD OF ALCOHOLICS SYNDROME, AND THEIR IMPLICATIONS FOR ASTROLOGERS1 The two major issues that clients bring to the practicing astrologer are love and career. The most troubled relationship histories—and, all too often, the most snarled-up career patterns—have a common root of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Dysfunctional families, including those with alcoholic or abusive parents, incline their offspring to form codependent relationships with mates, bosses, co-workers, and friends. In this chapter, we'll discuss how these concepts apply to astrology clients, including the chart patterns to expect. We’ll consider case examples using the charts of some famous people. We'll find out about types of resources clients can use. In addition, we'll look at ways that being codependent or being an ACA yourself can influence your astrological practice. What is Codependency? Codependency is an addiction to an addict or to some other person. The obsession with trying to help or change that individual grows in strength until it takes over your life, giving you no peace. It doesn't change just because that person leaves, but instead can become a pattern carried over to new relationships. Melody Beattie, in her best-seller, Codependent No More, defined it in this way: "A codependent is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.2" The term codependency originally derived from the field of chemical dependency and has been applied to families and significant others of alcoholics and addicts. Because of the way they grow up, almost all adult children of alcoholics who have not addressed this background form codependent relationships with mates, lovers, family members, friends, and even bosses. They tend to become involved with one alcoholic or addictive personality after another. Alternately, they may avoid from 1 This chapter was originally my contribution to the anthology, Astrological Counseling, edited by Joan McEvers for the Llewellyn New World Astrology Series, 1990, and is reprinted here with permission. 2 Melody Beatty, Codependent No More, Harper/Hazelden, New York, 198, p.31. codependency by staying away from committed relationships, especially after being burned a few times. Rather than lavish all that energy on fixing one person, other ACAs work long, poorly paid hours in service fields like astrology, where they may play the role of rescuer. There's nothing wrong with service, but when it's compulsive and driven by codependent needs, it can ultimately be damaging to both practitioner and client. ACAs aren't the only people who develop codependency. It can develop at any stage of life when you love someone who has a severe physical or emotional problem. Parents aren't the only source—it could happen if a beloved brother started using drugs or a mate began drinking alcoholically. Grandchildren of alcoholics can also have the full-blown ACA syndrome, even when the parents are teetotalers. The grandparent passes it on to the parent who passes it on to the child. Many traits common to ACAs apply to members of severely dysfunctional families as well. It's been estimated (Lord knows by whom) that 95% of all families are dysfunctional to some extent. I'm not talking about your average unfulfilling, emotionally illiterate, uncommunicative parents who don't validate your creativity or worth. I'm referring to families where there was physical or sexual abuse or where a parent was chronically and severely physically or mentally ill. It can happen where a parent died early or committed suicide, where a parent was a gambler or promiscuous, or where there were severe or bizarre eruptions and disruptions. It could happen if your bedridden grandmother lived with you and her illness controlled the entire family, or if your sister was a child schizophrenic. Since books on the topic topped bestseller lists in the 1980s-1990s and sold millions of copies, lt’sfair to say that codependency is a widespread problem. Popular awareness of codependency grew throughout Neptune's stay in Capricorn, but first gained widespread professional and popular recognition during the Neptune-Saturn conjunction in that sign. Saturn represents boundaries and limits, and Neptune represents the dissolving of them, so defining boundaries and learning to set limits became issues in the world at large. In particular, it seems to be an issue for the Neptune in Libra generation, for whom that perfect relationship has been the Santa Claus that never came. As recognition of codependency grew, so did knowledge of how to get free. In that era, there were many helpful books on recovery from codependency and the adult child syndrome. Both regular and New Age bookstores commonly had special sections dedicated to these needs. Self-help groups, workshops, trained counselors, therapy groups, and inpatient treatment programs grew rapidly. In addition, approaches developed elsewhere, like assertiveness training, anger management, and inner child work have proven useful, keeping in mind the part dysfunctional backgrounds and codependency play in the problem. Many of the books referred to in this chapter are no longer in print, but may be found used on Amazon.com, at the public library, or even at garage sales and thrift stores. Keep looking—they’re more than worth it! The Hidden ACAS in Your Client Population Statistics show that one person in four has been deeply affected by a relationship with an alcoholic. Therefore, at least 25% of the people who come to you for charts are family members, lovers, or close friends of alcoholics. However, I suspect lt’smore than that, for reasons we will presently discover. If you aren't finding this to be true of your own clients, it may be that they're ashamed to tell you this family secret. It's not the kind of information they readily volunteer, and they don't necessarily view you as having a need to know. After all, they're not coming to you about the firmly buried past, but about the future and about when their relationships are going to get better. Until I came to know the chart patterns that go along with an alcoholic family background and began asking the crucial questions, very few of my clients told me about the alcoholics in their lives. It isn't always simply a case of being secretive. One of the major traits of families of alcoholics or addicts is that everyone, beginning with the alcoholic, tends to deny the addiction. This protects the addict from having to give up the habit and protects the family from the pain and shame of seeing how destructive a problem it is. A Neptunian defense mechanism, denial means that they either don't recognize that an addiction exists or don't recognize that they're addicted to the addict. Many see the addiction and yet deny the extent of the damage. ACAs say things like, "Yes, my Dad drank, but he stopped when I was 16, and it was so many years ago, it doesn't have any impact on my life today." As we'll see later, the residuals are considerable, especially in the ways ACAs relate and work. So, in the consultation, if clients deny the addiction or its impact, and we don't recognize it, it's not addressed. Then there's no clear answer as to why their relationships are so crazy and addictive, why they're so isolated, why they just can't get along with their bosses, why they keep on getting victimized, and why they're in so much pain. All they get from you is the momentary comfort of hearing, "It's just your Neptune." And yet this momentary comfort carries a long-term sense of helplessness. You can't do anything to change where Neptune is in your chart, except to die and be reborn. Why ACAS Are Drawn to Astrology Many adult children of alcoholics or other addicts come to astrologers, psychics, and other consultants looking for an answer to their inexplicable confusion, turmoil, and pain. A major reason they come to us is that when you grow up in a chaotic, unpredictable household, predictability has its appeal! Another reason they're drawn to us is that astrology and other such disciplines help ACAs solve that puzzling question of who they really are, as opposed to roles their families conditioned them to play. Alice Miller, an important writer about treatment for ACAs, spoke of the path to health as finding the TRUE SELF, as opposed to the roles parents conditioned they to play. In The Drama of the Gifted Child, Miller said that the alcoholic parent is narcissistic and may love the child, but mostly as an extension of the self. Their love is given only on the condition that the child's self be buried to meet the parent's need for attention, admiration, and approval.3 Astrology, numerology, and other related tools can be major arenas for exploring the true self. Our clientele may also have a higher proportion of ACAs than the general population because, I suspect, more ACAs believe in us than do other kinds of people. When you're a little kid and you have a grandiose parent whose brain is befuddled with alcohol, you are programmed with some remarkable ideas. (A kinder interpretation is that alcoholics are visionaries who stimulate offspring to look beyond everyday reality.) Like Alice in Wonderland, you may be required to believe six impossible things before breakfast. So, it's not that much of a stretch to believe in astrology, past lives, absent healing, holes in your invisible aura, parallel realities, or, for that matter, in capsules that will burn the fat in your body without the need to diet or exercise. Finally, ACAs and people from dysfunctional backgrounds may have a special yearning for spirituality, unless they've been so wounded that they wind up hating God. Those who had disturbed or addicted parents may have a strong need to find closeness with a Father/Mother/God who is loving, understanding, wise, and all-powerful and who cares deeply about them personally. And, yes, it's also profoundly comforting to know that this wretched life, this crazy set of parents, this troubled history is not the only chance. Since we inevitably confuse the relationship with the divine with the relationship with our parents, rarely is the spiritual path without potholes, detours, and false turns for ACAs. The problem is not so much with the Divine, but with the messengers, to whom they transfer that need for an all-knowing, all-loving parent. They look for godlike qualities in astrologers and others who seem to be in touch with the Divine. When the messengers, themselves, are ACAs—and we’ll discover that many are—the potential for distortion is compounded. For example, one such messenger, the fundamentalist evangelist, Jerry Falwell, is an ACA. His father was a wealthy 3 Miller, Alice. The Drama of the Gifted Child. Basic Books Inc. NY, 1981, p.14. bootlegger who murdered his own brother and then became alcoholic out of guilt.4 A disproportionate number of astrologers also come from dysfunctional families. They may have many of these same defenses—and many of the same difficulties in their personal lives. Thus, they, too, may feel safer being the helper. It can be more comfortable focusing on clients' problems while denying the effects of their history on their own lives. There is a problem with insisting that a client needs help while denying one's own hang-ups. Astute clients tend to notice the discrepancy and to reject the referral along with the source. (Watch out for those eagle-eyed Plutonians especially. Nothing gets past them!) Why Astrologers Should Know about Codependency Astrologers need to learn about codependency for several reasons. First, it will help explain why so many of our clients repeatedly become involved in painful, crazy, abusive, addictive relationships. Second, we're on the front line for referrals to helpful resources. Many who come to us would not go elsewhere, even if they only come to ask when the alcoholic is going to straighten up. The codependent is used to being the helper and has difficulty asking for help. When you go to an astrologer, you aren't asking for help, oh, no, you're just curious as to what the future holds. Because there are resources for codependents, astrologers need to be able to recognize the syndrome, educate clients about what's wrong, and suggest where they can go for help. Most importantly, we need to educate ourselves about the ACA syndrome and codependency because many of us are ourselves codependent without knowing it, and, as we are going to see, it has an effect on the way we practice. Talking to astrologers and healers around the country and the world, I find that, like myself, a very high percentage, including many of the top speakers and writers, are ACAs or come from severely dysfunctional families. The reasons given earlier as to why ACA clients are attracted to these disciplines are also reasons we're attracted to study them. They become our path for understanding ourselves and other people. Even more, they're an outlet for the common ACA need to rescue and fix people, as we were never able to do for our parents. Common Characteristics of Codependents and ACAs In his important book, A Primer for Adult Children of Alcoholics, psychiatrist, Timmen Cermak discussed the major characteristics of codependents.5 4 AstroDataBank gives the birth information, rated A, from his twin brother as about noon, EST, 8/11/33, Lynchburg, VA, 37N25, 79W09. Family history discussed in Falwell's autobiography, Strength for the Journey. and Schuster, NY, 1987. The chart is not presented here because this time doesn't seem to fit well with the events in his life. 5 Timmen L. Cermak, MD. A Primer for Adult Children of Alcoholics, Second Edition, Health Publications, Inc., Deerfield Beech, FL, 1989, pp. 19-23. Reprinted with his permission. 1) Codependent people will hide or even change their identity and feelings in order to please and be close to others. 2) A sense of responsibility for meeting other people's needs comes first for codependents, even at the expense of their own needs. 3) Low self-esteem and very little sense of self to begin with is common to most codependents. 4) Compulsions and addictions drive codependents and keep them from having to confront their deeper feelings. 5) Just like alcoholics and other addictive personalities, codependents hide behind denial and have a distorted relationship to will power. Cermak, who was the first president of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, lists traits many ACAs share. Although not every ACA has all of them, these are common. They are fearful and especially fear their feelings, losing control, conflict, authority figures, and angry people. Although they're fiercely self-critical and suffer from low self-esteem, they're frightened of criticism from others, so they constantly seek approval. ACAs take on too much responsibility and feel guilty standing up for themselves. Intimate relationships are a special area of difficulty. Because they're afraid of being abandoned, they'll do almost anything to hold on to their relationships, which are often with addictive personalities or other unavailable people. They confuse love and pity, often becoming attached to people who are victims or whom they can rescue. They can also place themselves repeatedly in the victim role6. One statement in a list of traits circulated at ACA Twelve-Step meetings is that, "even if we never picked up a drink, we took on all the characteristics of the disease of alcoholism." That is, ACAs who never drink can still act like alcoholics at times because, like all children, they pattern much of their behavior on parental models. Specifically, grandiosity and defiance are two main characteristics of alcoholics, and a great many New Age people are massively grandiose and defiant. (It sounds like Neptune and Uranus!) In their cosmic dimensions, studies like astrology encourage grandiosity. We may see ourselves as very, very special because of what we know and may subtly or even unconsciously encourage clients to see us in the same way because of that hunger for approval. We may even come to see ourselves as having a direct pipeline to the Divine. This arises 6 Cermak, pp. 34-37. from ACAs' need for a close tie to an all-loving Heavenly Father without the problems we experienced with our earthly father. The defiant, rebel ACA often masks these traits by rigidly acting just the opposite. This doesn't mean they've overcome the conditioning from their alcoholic families, but rather that they're controlled by having to act out the opposite pole. As Cermak and others in the field have remarked, ACAs react, rather than act. For instance, rather than showing their fear of authority figures, they may glory in defying authority. Rather than seeking approval from society, they may go out of their way to dress and act in ways that get negative attention. (In astrological terms, these are the Uranian types.) Astrological Indicators of the ACA Syndrome Let's look at chart signatures that go along with the ACA syndrome. No single aspect can be taken as a certainty, so you'd be looking for several confirmations. Neptune, naturally, is prominent, often in the 1st, 4th, or 10th, or in aspect to the Sun or Moon, or with Pisces in any of those spots, or many Neptune aspects or Pisces planets. The 12th house may also figure strongly, with the Sun or Moon often appearing there. An individual who has many of these signatures would be classified as Neptunian. It’s often possible to distinguish which parent was alcoholic, because when the Moon is aspected by Neptune, the mother generally is either an addictive personality or made severely dysfunctional by the situation. Sun/Neptune or Mars/Neptune aspects hint at the males of the family as the addicted ones. Saturn/Neptune aspects often show that the authority figures were unable to provide consistent structure, security, or discipline, with alcoholism only one of the possible reasons. Neptune aspects also indicate psychic abilities, in which we lose our boundaries and merge with others. Psychic abilities and boundary problems may just be two ways of describing the same phenomenon. As discussed in The Medium, the Mystic, and the Physicist, Lawrence Le Shan found that healers were able to heal when they could let go of self and become one with the person in need7. The problem for many with psychic abilities is shielding--i.e., establishing boundaries so that people's thoughts, feelings, and needs do not bombard them. Psychic merging is common in addictive and dysfunctional homes, as the child or spouse uses psychic radar to monitor how the troubled person is doing, to prevent an eruption. Thus, psychic gifts are common in ACAs, as a survival skill. Many intuitive astrologers are ACAs who use this gift in their work. We who are psychic need to examine ways in which we may be codependent or have difficulty with boundaries in our practice. Many who study astrology but don't practice are wise to hesitate. They may sense that they haven't established firm boundaries and don't know how to set limits or to shield themselves psychically. A WHO'S WHO OF FAMOUS ACAS: In case your client files aren't full to over flowing with recognized or confessed Adult Children of Alcoholics, here are the data for some famous ACAs whose charts you may want to analyze. CAROL BURNETT: Both of Carol's parents were alcoholic, and a grandmother raised her. AstroDataBank rates her data as AA, birth record quoted, as 4/26/33, 4:00 AM CST, San Antonio, TX, 29N25, 98W30. (She herself gives the time as 4:15 AM.) LYNDON B. JOHNSON: The alcoholics were his father and brother. AstroDataBank rates his data as A, data from his mother's diary as 8/27/1908 at sunrise, 5:00 AM CST in Johnson City, TX, 30N016, 98W24. Family history in Kearns, Doris. Lyndon Johnson and the American Dream, Signet, NY, 1976, pp. 24-26. JOAN KENNEDY: The alcoholic was her mother, as discussed by Joan in a speech at the Houston Council on Drug Abuse and Alcoholism in 4/87. AstroDataBank rates her data as AA, birth certificate quoted. She was born 9/5/35, 6:10 AM EDT, NY, NY, 40N45,73W57. JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS: The alcoholic was her father, Black Jack Bouvier. AstroDataBank rates her data as A, from memory. Profiles of Women, p. 159, as 7/28/29 2:30 PM, Southampton, NY, 40N53, 72w23. Family history in Adler, Bill. All in the First Family, G.P. Putnam's Sons, NY, 1982, p.112-3. ELEANOR ROOSEVELT: Her father was an alcoholic, and away most of the time, and at the age of 9, her mother died of diphtheria. AstroDataBank rates her data as AA, based on a family birth record submitted by Joan Negus. She was born 10/11/1884, 11:00 7 Ballantine Books, NY, 1982. AM EST, NY, NY, 40N45, 73W57. Family history discussed in Roosevelt, Eleanor, with Helen Ferris, Your Teens and Mine, Doubleday, Garden City, NY, 1961, pp. 21-22. LILY TOMLIN: AstroDataBank rates her data as AA, birth certificate quoted. She was born 9/1/39 1:45 am EST Detroit, MI, 42N20, 83W03. This puts Neptune on the IC in a grand trine with Uranus and Mars. Below are charts of two famous ACAs, Drew Barrymore and Suzanne Somers, who have written about their parents in their autobiographies. Chart Examples of ACAs As an example of the Neptunian type of ACA, Drew Barrymore's chart is shown above8. Part of the famous Barrymore theatrical family, Drew began her career in the movies at the age of six in E.T. and has appeared in a great many movies since. The Barrymores have been noted for alcohol problems, including Drew's father, John Drew Barrymore, and her grandfather, John Barrymore. In fact, Drew has called herself a fifth-generation alcoholic. Drew began drinking at nine, smoking pot at ten, and using cocaine at twelve. By 1989, her drug problem was serious enough that, at the age of 14, she went to rehab centers twice and tried to commit suicide9. In maturity, she lives a lively, unconventional life, but appears to have left addiction behind and is a fine actress. Neptune is strong in her chart, within 10° of the Descendant but in the 6th, the house of work. This suggests that the pressures and terrors of fame at an early age may have contributed to the addiction. The legendary success of the father's side of the family as well as their addictions are shown by the Sun, Venus, and Jupiter in Pisces in the 10th house. Although the relationship has been a difficult one, her mother does not drink and was the main stabilizing force, as seen by the Moon/Saturn conjunction in Cancer. Strangely enough, Pluto is often as prominent as Neptune in ACAs charts and is also often found in the positions noted above. Thus many ACAs would also be classified as Plutonians. Here Pluto signifies the sober or less addicted parent who struggles mightily to keep the addiction and the addict under control. It also signifies the child's efforts to control his or her environment and keep it safe, efforts that continue into adulthood, long after the original threats have passed. In my practice, these same Neptune and Pluto signatures, undiluted, often appear in the charts of grandchildren of alcoholics whose parents are not alcoholic. The ACA patterns of behavior and relating listed earlier get passed on through the parents. Although a great many ACAs themselves have addictions, the strongly Plutonian type may at least resist the parent's drug of choice in an effort to maintain control. Suzanne Somers’ chart, shown above, is an example of the Plutonian type of ACA10. In her autobiography, Keeping Secrets, she was open about her alcoholic family 8 AstroDataBank rates her information as AA, birth certificate in hand. She was born 2/22/75 11:51 AM PST, Culver City, CA, 34N01,118W25. 9 Family and adolescent history discussed in, "Falling Down and Getting Back Up Again," by Jeannie Park and Robin Micheli, People Magazine, 1/29/90, pp. 57-61. background. (Warner Books, NY,1988.) Pluto squares Suzanne's ascendant, a potent aspect that is easy to miss in these charts. It’s in the 4th house, conjunct Saturn, the ruler of the 10th, a combination in itself suggesting a difficult childhood and possibly abusive parents. (Drew Barrymore had a square. I've seen Pluto/Saturn aspects in the charts of several child stars like Danny Bonaduce and Britney Spears.) The Pluto-Saturn conjunction squares angular Jupiter, Mercury, and Mars in Scorpio, aspects that lend additional Plutonian energy. The Moon again is in Cancer, which does not in itself suggest an alcoholic background, but may show that the issue of nurturing is a critical one for the individual. Neptune is quincunx the Ascendant, but otherwise unaspected except for a mild sextile to Saturn. Richard Idemon used to say that an unaspected planet was like a loose wire, often more important in the native's life than would be expected. Chart Signatures of Codependency Astrologically, who are the codependents? Obviously many of the same patterns will be seen as in ACA charts, but there are additional indicators and interpretations. 1. People with Neptune aspects to the Moon are often addicted to giving others the nurturing they themselves never got. 2. Those with Neptune aspects to the Sun may have their self-esteem and identity bound up in rescuing. 3. People with Neptune within 10° of the Ascendant keenly feel the needs of everyone they meet. When Neptune is near the Midheaven, rescuing can be a career choice. 4. People with Neptune in the 7th or aspecting Venus are especially prone to committed but agonizing relationships with addicted people. 5. People with Pisces planets in any of these places can have similar tendencies. Note that many of these placements can also signify an addicted or dysfunctional individual. Such people can become vulnerable to addiction, even BECAUSE they rescue, as a way of coping with the depletion and sorrow of rescuing. While not all of us are codependent, we all have Neptune somewhere. We could become vulnerable to the syndrome, given the right predisposition, the proper transits, and a painful set of 10 Suzanne Somers was born 10/16/46, 6:11PM PST, in San Mateo, CA, 37N34, 122W19. AstroDataBank rates her data as AA, birth certificate in hand. circumstances. (The child you adore starts using drugs, your beloved mother has a massive stroke, or your spouse develops cancer.) Neptune's house and aspects in your chart show areas of confusion about where you leave off and other people begin—where your boundaries are blurred. In those areas, you may have trouble setting limits and can be taken advantage of or even victimized. Thus, Neptune in the natal chart is often where we feel powerless—a victim or martyr. It’s also the area where you’d be most likely to become involved in codependency if the right set of circumstances triggered it. With Neptune in the 3rd, one could be a life-long sucker for siblings, some of whom may be alcoholic or addicted; in the 5th, with your love affairs or children; in the 8th, with sexual partners; or in the 11th, with friends. The Liza and Judy Show--a Case Study As a case study in codependency, let's look at the charts of Judy Garland11 and her Oscar-winning daughter, Liza Minnelli12. Judy's long struggles with alcohol, pills, and suicidal depression are as much a Hollywood legend as her gifts. Liza herself has been in rehab many times for addiction to pills and alcohol. Although Liza remains intensely loyal to her mother's memory, her childhood sounds like an ACA’s nightmare. By age 10, Liza was begging for food for herself and Judy and sneaking out of hotels and apartments to avoid paying bills and back rent. She was her mother's confident, comforting Judy after her many suicide attempts13. In her teen years, the relationship between them became more explosive, and Judy would periodically kick Liza out. In 1962, Liza left home for good at the age 16, going to New York with $100 to pursue her show business career. Liza's chart is a prime ACA profile, qualifying strongly as Neptunian and less obviously as Plutonian. Her Sun in Pisces is in the 12th house. The trine from the Sun to her angular Moon/Mars/Saturn/IC conjunction in Cancer shows her closeness to her mother, but also the mutual dependency. Liza's Venus and Mercury are also in the 12th, opposite Neptune. Pluto in the 4th makes a wide 8° square to Liza's Ascendant—but wouldn't you say it works—plus a 3° sesquiquadrate to that 12th-house Sun. Judy's Neptune does not immediately register as a strong one, and yet she was both a sublime musician and actress and an addictive personality--all Neptunian pursuits. Then we note that her Neptune forms an eye of God with her Pisces Uranus/MC conjunction and her Descendant. The strain of being constantly in the public eye and a sensation from her teens onward must have contributed to her addiction. We also discover that Neptune forms an odd-shaped triangle of semisquares and sesquiquadrates with her Mercury and her Sagittarius Moon (definitely somewhere over the rainbow, but how do you do a relocation chart for those coordinates?). Like Liza, she has a strong 12th house containing Sun, Mercury and Pluto, although Pluto is closely conjunct the Ascendant. Both had a waif-like, lost quality, which can be AstroDataBank rates Judy Garland’s data as AA, birth record in hand. She was born on 6/10/22, 6:00 AM PST, Grand Rapids, MN 93W31; 47N14. 12 AstroDataBank rates Liza Minnelli’s data as AA, birth record quoted. She was born on 3/12/46, 7:58 AM PST, Los Angeles,CA, 34N04, 118W15. 13 Family history discussed in Petrucelli, Alan W. Liza! Liza! an Unauthorized Biography of Liza Minnelli, Karz-Cohl Publishing Inc., Walled Lake, MI, 1983. 11 attributed at times to the 12th house. Once more, we see the prominence of Cancer, with the Ascendant, Mercury, Pluto, and Venus. Pluto isn't exactly pallid, being on the Ascendant, widely conjunct both Venus and Mercury (a midpoint), trining the Uranus/MC conjunction, and squaring the Nodes and Jupiter. Once more, there's that child-star signature of a Pluto-Saturn aspect—here a wide square to Saturn. When you look at the connections between their charts, you will note that Judy's Venus at 19° Cancer is exactly conjunct Liza's Moon and IC, and closely conjunct Liza's Mars and Saturn as well. Liza's Neptune falls in Judy's 4th, conjunct Judy's Jupiter/North Node/Saturn conjunction, suggesting confusion about which one of them was the parent. Liza's South Node on Judy's Moon suggests that nurturing her mother was an automatic reaction. Judy's Neptune is widely conjunct Liza's Pluto. Even though those are placements, common to a whole generation, they do suggest a truth about the relationship, which was that Liza perennially had to keep the situation under control when Judy was falling apart. There are wide Sun-Uranus contacts on both sides. They not only show the stormy nature of the relationship and the wildness shared by both women that the relationship may have sparked, but also that each supported the genius, charisma, and uniqueness of the other. The contacts also form a restless but lively T-Square in mutable signs involving Pisces, Gemini, and Sagittarius. The outlet for the T-Square is on Judy's Virgo IC, and the two traveled constantly during Liza's childhood, never successfully establishing a home. How Having an ACA Background Can Affect Astrology Practice As we got to know the astrological profiles of the ACA and codependency syndromes, did you find some of your own chart in it? You're not alone—as mentioned earlier, a great many of us in the field of astrology, myself included, are ACAs. It’s up to us as individuals to recognize and work on how the dysfunctional background affects their personal life. My concern here is to explore how it can affect your astrological practice. Many of us have worked very hard to transform ourselves through a variety of healing tools. Thus, we are generally able to give good service. By now, many of us have already worked on our ACA issues. Yet, unless we remain conscious and vigilant, we may still be triggered into ACA and codependent patterns when clients' problems are similar to those of family members or others we love—or to our own problems. I myself attended ACA groups and later Al-Anon for several years and thought I had some good quality recovery. Yet, when reading the material on codependency, I was dismayed to face my blind spots. The issue to think about now is your practice. Many ACA astrologers and ACA clients are still in ignorance and/or denial about the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional background. When we don’t deal with this information consciously, the personality traits identified with the adult child syndrome can profoundly affect the ways we relate to clients. The following exploration of traits of untreated ACA therapists was developed by Cermak in A Primer for Adult Children of Alcoholics14. My comments about how these traits may manifest in astrological sessions or healing work are highlighted in yellow. Cermak says that untreated ACA professionals can be recognized by the way that they encourage you to be angry for their own purposes. They often push you to take action before you're ready. (Although astrology clients may come to you about a life concern like a marital separation, they aren't necessarily ready to make a move.) They intellectualize, rather than encourage you to express your feelings. (If you suddenly find yourself inundating the client with astrological jargon and technical material, ask yourself if the emotional content of the session is making you uncomfortable.) They are uncomfortable with silence. (When the client pauses for reflection, do you rush in with a metaphysical lecture or information about their fixed stars, asteroids, and so on?) Untreated ACAs resist exploring Twelve-Step programs and are certain that they've already dealt with all their codependency issues. Reading other writers on the subject like Claudia Black, Melody Beatty, Alice Miller, and Janet Woititz, led me to consider additional ways the ACA syndrome and untreated codependency can cause difficulty in our sessions. For instance, in The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller says narcissistic practitioners, as many ACAs can be, have a great need for approval, understanding, and validation from clients. There is a pressure for the client to meet one's expectations and to present material to fit one's concepts and belief systems15. Miller notes that the codependent practitioner easily becomes defensive and needs validation and stroking from clients. Do you get upset if a client questions your chart interpretation or doesn't tell you how right on target your interpretation is? Many of us are overly-attached to clients’ approval and admiration. We feel we have to know it all and have the right answers. We do tap dances to dazzle and amaze. We may also be overly-attached to being right in our predictions and interpretations, at the cost of a true dialogue with the client. We can get depressed after the consultation if we don't get enough positive feedback. Then we question ourselves, our work, and our worth. 14 15 Ibid., pp. 69-70. Used with his permission. Ibid., p.24. Boundary problems show up as over-identification in its various forms. The client's problem becomes your problem, or conversely, your own difficulties get confused with the client's. You may feel pain or anxiety about giving clients interpretations and predictions other than what they want to hear, even though the transits or progressions are anything but positive. There may be problems in setting limits—e.g., taking too many phone calls from a client whom you allow to become excessively dependent or else your sessions may go on for hours. Fuzzy boundaries can also result in being drained afterwards. (This may mean you're doing energetic healing without conscious awareness and need to channel divine energy rather than your own energy.) The common ACA need to fix people may have motivated us to do charts in the first place. That need may lead us to want to rescue clients who are addicted or in severe difficulty. We may try very, very hard to solve every problem in the client's life through three-hour sessions. Where we are overly responsible, we may take on too much of our clients' problems or spend too many hours preparing. For instance, astrologers may think they have to do several years' worth of transits, progressions, harmonic charts, midpoints, and fixed stars. (This can result in an information overload for the client, far too much to assimilate in one session.) The pervasive trait of low self-esteem may result in not charging or charging too little. Untreated ACAs and codependents also tend to be extremely controlling, although they can be subtle and gifted at manipulation. (Keeping things under control was a survival skill at home. Are we talking Pluto?) When clients don't respond by doing what ACA astrologers recommend or don't believe that this is THE ANSWER, ACAs can sometimes become agitated, enraged, or vindictive. They may respond by guilttripping, shaming, and invoking their divine connection, scaring clients about their Pluto transits, or threatening clients with cancer if they don't straighten out their way of thinking. Similarly, there can be agitation and even rage when clients don't change in the way the ACA thinks they should. There are two main issues clients come to us about—career and relationships. Unfortunately, two primary characteristics of untreated ACAs are that they have authority problems and distorted relationships. If we haven't addressed these issues in our own lives and are in denial, it's a matter of the blind leading the blind. If we have difficulty around intimacy or anger, can we teach clients how to have healthy relationships or be positive role models for them? Let's suppose you're still living out the victim role and have a history of being betrayed in relationships. You’d bring your ACA mind-set to the session, so when clients ask about difficult relationships, you counsel them to watch out for betrayal. Similarly, out of unresolved anger toward our own parents, we may encourage clients in anger against their parents or bosses. If we're grandiose, we may encourage clients in grandiose career plans, rather than taking a grounded and realistic approach to vocational astrology. Many ACAs—and astrologers—live on the edge financially, due to improper grounding in their unstable families, and the financial path in career astrology is anything but sure. Many of us have serious difficulty working for anyone else, and that's part of the attraction of being self-employed. When a client is having difficult 8th or 2nd house transits, we may ignore the possibility that this client has gone deeply into debt with credit cards and bill-payer loans16 or we may be inhibited about asking the relevant questions. (In such a situation, the currently popular equation of the 2nd house with “values” simply does not meet the client’s real life needs.) See: Astrologers’ Hang-ups about Money—How they Hurt our Clients Traits like low self-esteem explain why some ACAs study astrology for many years and never feel good enough to turn professional. Many don't practice or practice infrequently because they don't feel they CAN fix people and yet expect themselves to. Or they don't practice because they feel it's too much of a responsibility. Given the grandness of our tools, they may expect themselves to be all knowing and feel self-hate if they're not as grand as their sources of knowledge. Finally, ACAs are especially susceptible to addictions and compulsive behaviors. In our field, more of us than we like to recognize are alcoholic or suffer from some form of addiction. We practice individual and collective denial about it, but it's an occupational hazard. It's a way of dealing with the sometimes overwhelming responsibility, sense of isolation, endless giving out of energy, and psychic bombardment that our consultations entail. We also may want to stuff feelings that are stirred up in a session when we deal with major life issues in such a concentrated form. If your role models used substances or compulsions to deal with stress and keep feelings at bay, you tend to live what you learned. Toxic Shame as a Barrier to Change Efforts Many clients suffer from severely damaged self-esteem. Particularly if they come from dysfunctional backgrounds, their level of shame may be so high, that the idea of exposing their inadequacies to a therapist or other helper is daunting. They may also feel they don't deserve a better life. If we, the practitioners, also come from dysfunctional families, our own level of shame may be so toxic but so unrecognized for what it is that we are unaware of when it’s operating. 16 An astrological aside: Pluto rather than Neptune appears to be the predominant theme for people who are addicted to their credit cards and to ruinous debt. It may show up in the 2nd or 8th or forming important aspects to planets in those houses, or with Scorpio placements in those houses. Here, the issue seems to be spite and revenge. Many incest survivors have debt compulsions. We also carry a certain level of shame at practicing a profession that is held up to public ridicule. Without being aware of it, we may find relief from our own shame by feeling superior to clients, especially morally or metaphysically. ("I'm okay because I can tell you all the ways you're not okay.") At the magical level where the damaged inner child operates, many clients project onto astrologers such a level of omniscience that for us to judge them is devastating. So, on the one hand, we may be trying to build their self-worth by listing the positive qualities in the horoscope. On the other hand, the very way we discuss their difficulties and urge them to seek help may reinforce the shame. As a caring person, you’re no doubt watchful of what you say to clients, so that you'd never knowingly shame them. Often, however, it’s not so much what you say aloud, as what you’re thinking and feeling. The true reaction bleeds through by tone of voice, body language, or even telepathically. It’s difficult to control such negative reactions--and even less effective to feel shame about having them. The best solution is for astrologers to heal their own shame. The most helpful material in this regard is John Bradshaw's book, Healing the Shame that Binds You17. Some of the flower essences you’ll read about in the next chapter can also be helpful, especially the Bach flower remedy Crab Apple. The bonus for working out your own shame issues is that you can also speak about it knowledgeably to clients whose lives are crippled by shame-based low self-esteem. How Current Conditions Intensify the Need for Recovery Current world conditions, as signified astrologically by the passage of the outer planets through the universal signs, are intensifying the demands on all the service professions. People are extremely needy and confused, feeling helpless and powerless over the vast social changes just on the horizon. The forces of chaos are very strong just now. As a result, people are looking to astrologers and other service professions for guidance and ANSWERS. It would be easy to become burned out from clients' demands. Learning to set limits is becoming a crucial. We will need to master limit setting in order not to get so burned 17 Health Communications Press, Deerfield Beach, FL, 1988, still available at Amazon.com and other outlets. out that we stop the work. Before we act, we also need to assess which clients' demands are legitimate and which are not. Alcoholics and chronically dysfunctional people can project feelings of helplessness and bottomless need so powerfully that the psychically sensitive pick it up and react to it. To bolster low self-esteem, rescuers need to be needed. Thus, they often hook into the helplessness and keep people helpless by enabling them to continue dysfunctional patterns. We need to learn how crippling rescuing is so we don't do that with clients. We cannot keep on enabling, rescuing, and answering the non-genuine need or we will not survive. However, we're also being forced to function at the outer limits of our capabilities and to stretch ourselves to a higher level of professionalism, and that's stressful. You'd be in physical pain if your limit was a mile a day and then you ran a ten-mile marathon. If you then proceeded to run ten miles everyday that would eventually become your new limit. Likewise, as we continue to be stretched past our limits as service workers, those new levels of functioning will ultimately become ours. Just as marathon runners have to nourish themselves carefully while training, we must also nourish ourselves carefully— physically, emotionally, and spiritually—when stretching our capacities. Even where clients’ needs are legitimate, there's so much more pressure that we can grow weary. It's important to rest, relax, and take care of ourselves emotionally, spiritually, physically, and fiscally. An important way of taking care of ourselves is to recognize and let go of codependency in our personal and professional lives. I hope this discussion has been a beginning of that recognition. If we astrologers who have the syndrome use the tools that are available—the books, the groups, and other self-help aids—and if we tell our ACA and codependent clients about them as well, we'll all gradually get free. SUPPLEMENTAL SECTION 2 Healing the Heart and Relationship Issues with Flower Remedies ©2004 by Donna Cunningham, MSW The Obligatory Disclaimer: We’re about to explore flower essences. Like all self-help techniques, you’re cautioned that if a strong response comes up, stop using the tool immediately and consult your health care practitioner for advice. If you’re already under treatment for emotional distress, do not begin using these tools without discussing them with your health care professional. Note: The following pages are excerpts from Donna’s e-book, Flower Remedies—How Plants’ Energies Can Heal Us, published in 2004 by Moon Maven Publications. It’s available at http://www.moonmavenpublications.com. When I first encountered flower remedies in 1981, I was both a psychotherapist and an astrologer, but after a decade of practice in both fields, I’d come to an impasse. Though both helped people find insight into their problems, neither brought about the desired changes in people’s problems with any degree of speed or reliability. Frustrated with the lack of results, I began searching for additional methods to incorporate into my work. Almost immediately, I encountered the remedies in an adult education class and recognized in them the tool I was looking for. Twenty years later, I still consider them an incredible gift to those who wish to become happier, better, and wiser people. For those of you who aren’t already familiar with them, let me briefly explain. Also known as flower essences, these liquids are based on the energy fields of plants. They aren’t to be confused with aromatherapy, where you apply aromatic substances called essential oils, based on extracts from flowers or plants. Unlike homeopathy or herbs, flower remedies’ greatest effects aren’t on physical ailments, but in bringing about changes in our ways of handling such common issues as guilt, self-esteem, and relatedness. The Bach flower remedy, Pine, for instance, helps people who are guilt-ridden without good reason. Another Bach remedy, Larch, helps those who are afraid to try something new, because they are afraid they will fail. Sunflower, by the Flower Essence Society, helps to strengthen self-esteem and self-confidence. (Bach and FES are but two of the makers whose offerings we’ll discuss. A list, complete with contact information and how to order them, appears at the end of this excerpt.) As you take flower remedies, you’ll experience greater and greater clarity and selfawareness about the ways you’ve created your own stumbling blocks. Sometimes the process precipitates an emotional catharsis that catalyses a change in the way you operate, and sometimes you find that you’ve simply let go of an old pattern. How do they work? I’ve no idea--any more than I could tell you why and how astrology works! I can only tell you that the oldest of these product lines, the Bach Remedies, have been tested and used worldwide for more than seventy years with excellent results. Beginning with concentrates (known as the stock level), one or more remedies are mixed together into a one-ounce amber dropper bottle like those used for eye drops, available from any pharmacy. Four drops of each concentrate are added, then the bottle is filled with spring water and shaken thoroughly. Take four drops of the resulting mixture (known as dosage level) four times a day. You may notice the desired result after one bottle of the mixture, but sometimes several bottles are required. Be aware that these remedies work differently from conventional medications you'd get from a physician or pharmacy, in that they slowly bring about new insights and understandings, which help you to let go of unwanted patterns. Give the remedies time to work, and don’t expect them to be mood changers, such as tranquilizers would be. In bonding with the flowers, plants, and trees in this manner, you’re encountering a new paradigm of self-improvement and of consciousness. I hope you’ll find them as useful as I have over the past two decades for myself, my friends, family, and clients. Tending the Heart Center— A Key to Having More Joy and Love The heart center (also known as chakra) is located in our energy field in the area of the actual physical heart. The amount of heart-center wounding today is so pervasive that it creates a great deal of misery in the world at large. Because of being such a mobile population, we lose touch with our families and roots. Mother love and mother’s milk are intensely connected, and the breast being so close to the heart, I believe that the near extinction of breastfeeding has also had an impact on our capacity to develop a strong, healthy heart center. When we talk about a broken heart, we’re really talking about the heart chakra. It governs our capacity to give and receive love on an energetic level, and a major loss often damages the heart chakra. One in two marriages now end in divorce, and since many people shut down their hearts after such a loss, there’s an epidemic of blocked chakras. Recently I received an earnest plea from a client needed to open the heart chakra, but despite all her work, it simply refused to open. Here’s my reply: “It’s true that the heart has a mind of its own, and when it’s afraid, you can't simply reason with it to make it open again. That’s why healing work to release the fear and pain from old losses is absolutely necessary. Approach the heart with empathy and loving kindness, talk with it as you’d with a sorrowful, frightened child who had been through a lot, and let the pain and grief come up to be released. Witness the process with tenderness toward that part of yourself. “You seem, however, to have a misconception, and though it’s shared by many people in this heart-wounded society of ours, it can get in the way of willingness to be healed. The misconception is that work to open the heart is for the sole purpose of finding a mate. While the heart can open powerfully when you fall in love, there’s no point in waiting around to hit the love lottery, for an open heart can bring you more joy on a daily basis. “That chakra is the part of the energy body that gives and receives love with all beings, not just a partner. To the extent that it’s closed, you don’t allow yourself to share love with others and therefore can live in ever-increasing isolation and alienation. Life becomes a cardboard cutout, and I don't think happiness is possible without a healthy heart center. The mind alone cannot create happiness—in fact, we more often use the mind against ourselves to create misery. “I don't have a partner at this time either, but I work very hard to keep the heart energy balanced and flowing so that my life can hold loving connections that nourish me and those whose lives I touch. You can tell when the heart is open, as there’s an outward rush of energy toward the being you’re having feelings about. That's what someone is really describing when they say, "My heart went out to her. I am currently in love with: 1) A spunky little mixed-race neighbor who at the age of three already has more presence than most people could dream of. 2) A wickedly funny old family friend back in Iowa who gets more senile each time I call her, but who recalls my beloved grandmother vividly. 3) My mentor from my early days in astrology whom I recently re-found and who is just as wise and exuberant as when he encouraged my writing career 40 years ago. 4) A buddy who teases me mercilessly but who doesn’t actually have a mean bone in her body. She only teases those she loves, and thus gives me the gift of laughing at myself. 5) A sweet but very skittish little cat in my apartment complex who is already a mother at six months and whose owner still doesn't see fit to alter her. 6) A majestic giant red cedar that I pass daily on the way to the post office. 7) My loving and compassionate Buddhist monk spirit guides who tweak me about being a bullshit Buddhist. 8) Anderson Cooper on CNN for his purity and commitment to humanity. “And so it goes. The heart center is about so much more than finding a man. We can do without a partner if we must, but we cannot really do without loving connections with other human beings. In fact, it’s exactly when the heart doesn’t form these connections and isolation sets in that partnership is fraught with peril, for we look to that one person to fill the aching void. “The relationship then becomes so life or death that we’re likely to bury our real selves in it and to cling to the other person in a suffocating manner that ultimately strangles the partnership. When the beloved has no room to breathe and becomes burdened with rescuing one from isolation, it sets up a dynamic where the other has to leave the relationship. We can’t realistically expect one person to fill all our needs, especially the need for love. We get different things from each person we connect with meaningfully, and an open heart center is what allows those connections to form. “Lacking love, we may turn to material possessions, trying to make work fill the void, or to addictions of the myriad types out there. None of these tactics can succeed, and so many of us are left with emptiness. Opening the heart center--and being aware when it shuts down again so you can reenergize it--is a key to more joy and connectedness.” Flower Remedies for Healing the Heart I use essences gathered by a variety of companies, and each has a few which are helpful with heart center problems--that is, difficulties in giving and receiving love due to losses, rejections, or patterns and beliefs about love learned in early childhood. The following are some that have proven especially helpful for my clients. Heart wounds caused by important losses or rejections need to be cleansed and healed, as the heart center may shut down under such circumstances. Bleeding Heart, by the Flower Essence Society (FES), has a powerful cathartic effect and eases the pain of these wounds. Hellborus by Pegasus helps with depression from a broken romance, and their Bittersweet heals grief. Where the need to forgive is part of the problem, the Alaskan Mountain Wormwood is an important remedy. One of my favorite heart healers is Heartsease, which is like mother's milk for the aching heart. It has the Latin name Viola tricolor. Part of the violet family, it’s a sweet-faced miniature pansy that has many names in various parts of the world. Whole Energy Essences makes it under the name Johnny Jumpups, and the Alaskan Flower Essence Society calls it Blue Elf Viola. Energy work, such as MariEL, Reiki, or Touch for Health, is also valuable in clearing out blockages and getting the heart energy going again. Losses and rejections can impair one's ability to receive love, but the pattern may also start in childhood. Dysfunctional families may have never given the child a feeling of love-worthiness or may have even made the child feel that love had too high a cost, so love became frightening to accept. The Alaskan Alpine Azalea helps open the heart to the spirit of love and increases the capacity for self-love. Dogwood, by FES, is quite a lovely remedy, bringing a capacity for gentleness and grace in relationships, and their Mariposa Lily increases receptivity to human love, healing the feeling of alienation, separation, and being unloved. Fear of intimacy, on an emotional as well as a sexual level, is a major barrier to committed relationships. It takes on many painful disguises, from addiction, to attraction to unavailable people, all the way to religious convictions about sex. Sticky Monkeyflower, by FES, is an important remedy for those who are afraid of intimacy. It’s also described in their literature as helpful for blocks to intimacy due to unresolved pain about past relationships. Where the fear is caused by traumatic events. Bach's Star of Bethlehem may be needed for a considerable period of time to release remnants of shock from the energy field. On an inner level, people recognize that flowers affect the heart. When people bring you flowers, they do it to express and inspire love. In a bit of gentle sympathetic magic, the open blossoms are a plea for the heart to open up to the giver. If the mere presence of flowers can affect the heart chakra, flower essences have an even more profound and lasting effect. Healing may take persistent attention, but you will find that keeping the heart open enriches your life and the lives of people around you. Bleeding Heart Essence--A Balm for the Aching Heart In researching the healing properties of various plants, herbalists and homeopaths found that valuable clues could be gotten from the form of a plant--its shape, color, texture, smell, growing patterns, and relationship to its habitat. This old guideline, called the Doctrine of Signatures, has also been adopted by essence makers as they study new remedies and try to discover their uses. A striking example of this principle is in the flower bleeding heart. Many of us grow the plant, which originated long ago in Asia, in our gardens, but it hasn't been hybridized, so it remains in an ancient and energetically potent state. The simple blossom is heart shaped, with something resembling a teardrop dangling from a split in its center, a symbol of both love and loss. Usually, the flower is a deep pink color, the color of roses most often given to lovers. Not too surprisingly, Bleeding Heart essence is a remedy for the aching or broken heart. The fact that the flower is like a pendant hanging from the stem also suggests that it may help with codePENDANT relationships, when the pattern of dependency is creating a strain on those involved. FES' description from the Flower Essence Repertory notes that it helps release painful emotional attachments and heartache over a broken relationship, bringing peace, harmony, and balance to the heart. They also recommend it for those who are too clinging and possessive of those they love. In short, Bleeding Heart is a key essence for anyone who has suffered a major heart wound, like martial separation or the death of a loved one. In times of war or national crisis, it may also help those who are sorrowful because of the loss of a way of life and a belief in our safety as well as the loss of many countrymen. Some people, faced with these shocking events, instinctively shut down the heart to ward off the pain of further future losses and then wonder why they feel numbed and can't connect with others. The first response to some vibrational remedies, like the first response to any number of healing tools, can be a catharsis in which a backlog of blocked emotions is suddenly released. I’ve found Bleeding Heart to be a strongly cathartic remedy, in that sadness or grief about the loss of a loved one often comes to the surface. Sometimes people who take it go through days of crying, yet that emotional release is in itself very needed and ultimately healing, since they do feel better about the situation afterwards. Still, it can be uncomfortable, especially if they are unaware that it might happen, so you’d do well to discuss this possibility with anyone you give it to. You might suggest starting slowly by taking a dropper from the dosage bottle once a day, only moving up to several doses a day when they are comfortable. Massage in general can be soothing, but it’s especially healing to massage the heart center thoroughly and repeatedly with lotion to which you’ve added a dropper of the Bleeding Heart mixture. As you do so, you might visualize a deep rose-colored light penetrating into the heart area, a color similar to that of the bleeding heart flower itself. Reiki and other forms of energy work speed the release of the blocked emotions without adding to the discomfort. In working with recovering alcoholics, the addition of Reiki and other healing tools can be most helpful in getting them through the catharsis. If you’re a practitioner giving this remedy to a client, it’s important to remain available. (If you’re taking it on your own, make sure to stay in touch with friends and family who love you and to treat yourself in loving ways.) Still, don't hesitate to incorporate this remedy into your collection, for it’s one of the most potent and important heart healers available us today. Loss or grief that isn’t addressed can have long-term effects on the person's ability to give and receive love, because the wounded heart needs direct intervention. Alcohol, Its Impact on the Heart Center and on Families Alcoholism is a devastating illness, both for the individual who suffers from it and for the alcoholic’s family. No responsible practitioner would claim that alternative healing alone cures alcohol abuse, which is a multi-layered problem requiring the coordinated effort of many disciplines and approaches. However, alternative healing methods can add a much-needed element to recovery. Some years ago, Andrew Ramer and I were exploring addictions from a spiritual viewpoint and testing alternative healing methods for our books Spiritual Dimensions of Healing Addictions and Further Dimensions of Healing Addictions. (Cassandra Press, 1988.) A group of recovering alcoholics from our neighborhood volunteered to try out the information. Though I’m no longer working in that field, I wanted to pass along what Andrew and I learned from these gutsy, committed individuals. They were willing to experiment with flower remedies, visualizations, Reiki, crystal healing, guided imagery, and anything else that would help their recovery along. Almost without exception, a major task we had to address was healing the heart. Eventually, it became clear that abuse of alcohol was intimately related to heart wounds. Many alcoholics began drinking heavily after losing someone they loved. This is especially true of the men, for they seldom get permission to actively grieve their losses. Tears are a healing balm for the heart. On a physical level, a stiff drink brings an immediate rush of blood to the actual, physical heart, so it feels like the heart chakra is alive, open, and full. People who abuse alcohol-and its near but somewhat less potent relative, sugar--often are drawn to it because their own hearts are numbed or aching due to losses of loved ones or a lack of sense of connection with others. Longstanding abuse of alcohol, however, winds up even more seriously wounding the heart chakra. It’s finally depleted and numbed until alcohol abusers feel isolated and alone. The love and caring from other recovering alcoholics in recovery programs is a start in reawakening the heart. We’ve discussed Bleeding Heart, but here I wanted to talk about how it can affect those in recovery from alcohol abuse with longstanding and heavy heart wounds. A crucial remedy, yet one to be use with utmost care, Bleeding Heart can be extremely cathartic. The sorrow--even the grief--about losses or lack of love that the person was drinking to avoid can come to the surface in a rather overwhelming rush. The facing and clearing of these sorrows was very necessary to my clients' recovery, yet they needed a great deal of support from me and from their various A.A. groups, sponsors, and friends in order to deal with what came up. I learned to have them start very slowly on this remedy, letting their instincts guide them, but maybe only one or two doses a day to begin with. I prepared them carefully for the fact that feelings about old losses might rush to the surface. I suggested taking a few days off from the remedy if they were inundated. I made sure they knew that I was available by phone or for extra sessions if they needed to process the feelings and insights the remedy evoked. Most of all, I learned not to give this remedy to people in the raw, early stages of recovery, for they needed time to strengthen and renew themselves and to weave a strong support network before they faced the challenge of healing their badly-wounded hearts. (Oh, yes, and I learned NOT to use brandy as a preservative in the dosage bottle for recovering alcoholics, but rather apple cider vinegar, which works just as well!) You may be wondering if problem drinkers who are still abusing alcohol would be helped by Bleeding Heart. My inclination would be to advise against it, though for specific individuals you could double check with muscle reflex testing or other tools. Remember that some of them may be drinking in the first place to numb themselves against painful heart wounds. If so, the emotions that Bleeding Heart often brings to the surface might even intensify the desire to drink. In essence work with those in recovery, I learned to add gentler, supportive and strengthening remedies to the mix and often to start with those before going to Bleeding Heart. An important remedy in almost any healing process is Self-Heal, which enhances our self-healing abilities, so I used it often and repeatedly. On the whole, my recovering clients did not respond well to gem essences, variously called gem elixirs or gem tinctures, depending on the method of preparation. The catharsis from a gem essence seemed a great deal harsher than the reaction to a flower essence, sometimes intolerably so. One exception was Rose Quartz, a soothing and comforting essence that the heart almost seems to inhale. To boost the healing, I often gave them a piece of rose quartz stone to carry in their pocket or to set on their bedside table. Alcohol abuse has a profound effect on the drinker's relationships, in part, again, because of the heart chakra damage. An important pattern that became clear as I delved into the histories of these recovering alcoholics was that growing up in alcoholic families set many of them up for repeating the pattern. Though alcoholism is in part a genetic sensitivity to this substance and in part a coping strategy learned from parents, there was also a way that heart chakra damage entered into the picture for my clients. As both the drinking and the non-drinking parent grew needy due to the deadening impact of alcohol on their heart chakras, they unknowingly drew energy from the stilldeveloping heart chakras of their children to fill their own emptiness. Many adult children of alcoholics who don’t drink wind up in relationships with heavy drinkers because their heart chakras became overdeveloped at the expense of other chakras, like the self-esteem related solar plexus. They are attracted into relationships with heavy drinkers in part because the type of heart energy exchange feels familiar and comfortable even though it’s far from fulfilling. I also found that a remarkable number of adult children of alcoholics enter the helping professions. On either path, an overdeveloped heart chakra at some point can become drained. Consequently, they can resort to abusing alcohol or sugar as a way to feel that heart chakra rush again. Thus the impact of long-term alcohol abuse on the offspring and mates of alcohol abusers can be considerable, and they may also need heart healing. Are the Flower Remedies for Everyone? When we first discover the flower remedies, we see in them the solution to all our problems and the problems of everyone we know, so we’re eager to pass them along. If only Mom would take Red Chestnut, she wouldn’t spend all her time fretting about everyone in the family. Sunflower would help our shy teenaged niece feel better about herself. If Hubby would just take a bottle or two of Impatiens, he wouldn’t be so cranky, and the house would be a happier place. How frustrating, then, that they just won’t listen! Flower remedies really aren’t for everyone. Many people find the concept too much of a stretch and will privately think you’ve gone off the deep end. Others may accept a mixture from you, but later you’ll come across it in their refrigerator, growing green things. In my experience over the years, I’ve identified several types of people who either won’t accept the remedies or don’t do well with them. You might want to hesitate before giving remedies to these groups, especially in the beginning. Some people are getting much too much out of their problems to be willing to give them up. It may entitle them to extra attention and t.l.c., or they may enjoy the drama of perpetual crisis, or their problem may be unconsciously designed to get back at someone else. Their affliction may be a way of avoiding work, intimacy, or something else that would take lots of effort. In short, the benefits of having the problem sometimes outweigh the rewards of getting well. A dead giveaway that you’re dealing with this sort of person is the glow they get when they tell you all about Their Problem or the self-satisfied smirk when they explain why your suggestions just won't work for them. There are also people who aren’t really in love with their problems but who aren’t quite ready to change now. This may be the case early on in a process, when they're beginning to notice that the old way isn't working but are digging in their heels and refusing to consider that there might be a better way to operate. They might become ready later on, when not changing gets to be more difficult than changing, but they are giving you every indication that, at this point, change isn’t a welcome idea. Respect their process and back off, though you might let them know what's available. A good track to take is by talking about what remedies you took and how they helped you, rather than by telling them how you think they ought to change. If you’re a newcomer to the essence field, be careful about giving the remedies to people who are in poor health or who have a sensitive constitution, for there are many factors to balance. It would be much better for them to work with health care practitioners who use the remedies in their practice. People who suffer from psychosomatic illnesses are particularly tricky to work with, for some of them will have flare ups of their illnesses if the remedies touch on the very emotions they are suppressing. These are people whose bodies are doing for them what they will not do for themselves, like say no. A skilled practitioner, one with a medical and psychotherapeutic background, may be able to use the remedies with them. The newcomer, however, would do well to pass them along to someone with the right qualifications. I’d also be cautious in giving remedies to people who have been through too much lately and who therefore are extremely stressed out and shaky. The midst of a serious life upheaval or health crisis is no time to tackle huge healing projects—their childhood traumas can wait until they’ve had a chance to recuperate. Here, supportive remedies like Bach’s Rescue Remedy or FES’ Self-Heal and Aloe Vera can mend and release the current stress. It’s wise to pass up trying to cure people’s addictions through the flower remedies. Chances are, it won’t work, and if you’re involved with them, you probably lack the needed objectivity. More importantly, people who are heavily addicted or on powerful tranquilizers ordinarily don’t respond well to the essences. The addicted person may drink or drug even more heavily to deaden the emotions that come up, since they are addicted, in part, to avoid their feelings in the first place. Although this isn’t always the case, people on powerful tranquilizers or antidepressants may either not respond, or the response may be unpredictable. Leave them to the care of their physician. If they really want to try the remedies, suggest they go to a holistic physician who works with these preparations Finally, it’s very unethical to give remedies secretly in beverages or food to people who aren’t asking for them. Many times, clients ask for a mixture for their mate or family members who wouldn’t agree to the remedy if they knew, but the client was determined to give it to them anyway. This is a serious boundary invasion—think how you’d feel if someone else decided that you ought to change and then gave you a consciousness-altering substance without your knowledge? These are a few of the situations you meet where people may not respond well to the essences, at least without expert guidance. Experienced remedy practitioners can deal with these types skillfully, but in the beginning you’d do well to refer them along. The majority of people who are receptive to the idea and who want to improve do very well, but temper your enthusiasm for the remedies when you run across people like those described above. Note: this has been an excerpt from Donna’s ebook, Flower Remedies—How Plants’ Energies Can Heal Us, available at http://www.moonmavenpublications.com. If you’ve become curious about flower essences in the course of reading this, an excellent resource is Vibration Magazine, a free online educational quarterly that I co-edited with Dr. Deborah Bier for 13 years. Though we’re no longer publishing it, we have over 350 articles in our archives, and an excellent on-site search engine here: whole site search engine. Just input the name of any essence or healing concern, and in seconds, it displays links to all our articles that mention the term. Flower Remedy Company List There are probably several hundred flower remedy or essence companies worldwide, and there’s no way to list all of them or keep up with the changes in their addresses and web sites. The list below includes only those companies whose products I know personally. If an address or phone number is out of date, look for them on the Internet. In many instances, the web site contains descriptions of each available essence and a mechanism to order directly from the site. Contact Information about Various Companies: Alaskan Flower Essence Project PO Box 1369, Homer, Alaska 99603 Tel(US & Canada): 1-800-5459 Outside U.S. 907-235-2188 http://www.alaskanessences.com Email: [email protected] Australian Bush Flower Essences 45 Booralie Road, Terrey Hills, NSW, 2084, Australia International Tel: 61 2 9450 1388 International Fax: 61 2 9450 2866 http://www.ausflowers.com.au [email protected] Desert Alchemy P.O.Box 44189, Tucson, AZ 85733, USA Tel: 1-800-736-3382 Tel: (520) 325-1545 http://www.desert-alchemy.com Email: Flower Essence Society P.O. Box 459 Nevada City, CA 95959 USA 1-800-736-9222 (North America) http:// www.flowersociety.org Email: [email protected] Healing Herbs Ltd. PO Box 65 , Hereford HR2 0UW.UK T: +44(0)1873 890 218 F: +44(0)1873 890 314 http://www.healing-herbs.co.uk/ E-Mail: [email protected]